So, the wake's over. my uncle has been sent off, cremated, and his ashes are now resting in the temple. it all went by in quite a blur actually. truth be told, i'm still sort of in semi-denial about the whole thing. but even if i'm unable to accept it, the fact remains that he's gone.

on the less-bright-than-usual side, if there has been any good in this whole thing at all, it's the fact that i got to see (and talk to) my maternal cousins. usually, seeing each other once in 2 years is already quite rare. honestly, i think if i were to meet my late uncle's 2 younger sons on the street, i might not even recognize them. i really wish that we were closer, and that we could have met under happier circumstances. i guess maybe, just maybe, it's time to try and bridge the gap, yes? and i think i'll start by writing them a letter, which will be completed and mailed by the coming saturday.

when this kind of thing happens, the last thing on your mind (or my mind, at least) is schoolwork. this means that i haven't touched a single piece of work for the last 2 days. while this is most definitely more important than schoolwork, the hard fact is that no matter what happens (and this should sound familiar to my classmates), life still goes on. yes, callous as it may sound, there's only so much grieving that a person can do before the great healer (time) dulls the pain. and though it may not seem that way to some people at present, the sadness will eventually fade. but of course, there will always be that place in our hearts where we remember those who have left us.

school starts again tomorrow. it's kind of hard to think about school, even after everything's over and done with. i'm actually considering taking a day off, especially since tomorrow's a 5 pm day, and there's PE. on the flipside, that means i'll miss out on quite a lot of stuff that will be taught, and which will most likely be vital to/for my mid-years. tough decisions...

lastly, umm...oh yes. i'm thinking of designing a new template. interesting as he is, Magneto does get old eventually. so far, all i have are vague ideas floating around in my head, though there are certain confirmed things, like the new number in the title bar. oh well. maybe my inspiration will fall from the sky soon.

-thingy of the day: Tag if you think you have the perfect new look for my blog!-

Death is something people try to ignore in daily life. but sometimes, i guess death gets tired of being ignored, then it strikes back.

man, that sounded like an advertisement for a horror movie. ok, seriously. normally, i try to avoid dark, gloomy topics like this (conservative asian upbringing says death is taboo). the only reason i'm talking about death now is because my only maternal uncle passed away today due to some heart problems. if my facts are straight, he couldn't have been older than 58 this year. and as far as i know, his heart was perfectly ok when i last saw him, which was around the CNY period. even though he was on the heavy side, he seemed perfectly healthy. which is why the news of his passing is quite a shocker, and explains why i was so stunned when i received the sms informing me of the event.

though we weren't particularly close (we saw each other around 10 times a year or less), he made it a point to send a handmade birthday card every year to each member of the family. my first memory of receiving one was around the transitional period from primary to secondary school, give or take a few years. and, as reluctant as i am to admit it, i think i only thanked him properly once or twice because i kept procrastinating and it slipped my mind some years, which is kind of screwed up, come to think of it. i guess a moral here is that people don't stick around forever.

to be honest, i'm still having trouble accepting the fact that he's not going to be around any more. maybe going to the wake tomorrow will solidify that notion. suddenly, all the cards sitting in my drawer become that much more precious.

now more than ever, i think i'm a bit of an empath. i seem to be able to sense when a relative has passed away, though i didn't know it at that time. for instance, on wednesday, april 21 1999, at about 10+ am, i went to school for some early supplementary lesson. suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, i thought of my grandmother being sick and started crying. later that evening, my cousin called and told me she passed away around 10+ am too. and today, when i was in the shower, i just randomly thought of death. not anyone dying, just death. i don't know if this is a coincidence, but if i were to find that my uncle passed away at about 7 am, i would be pretty freaked out. funny thing is, it seems to only work for the maternal side of my family. i didn't get any funny premonitions or feelings when both of my paternal grandparents passed on within a year of each other.

all right. i think that's enough death for quite a while (think 50 posts or more, excluding one for the wake). let's talk about some marginally (and i mean REALLY marginally) happier things, like PW. for starters, (my whole group and) i got band 3. now, call me arrogant, overconfident, or whatever you want, but i think we all deserved band 1. especially since our OP went so smoothly. hell, i got a sneak peak (illegally) at the results, and it was 5 and 6 everywhere. i don't undertand how that came up to a band 3, unless our written report sucked majorly. oh well. looks like we're not the only unhappy ones. almost everywhere i look, students are complaining about their results. i don't know...i feel like asking for a review. and yet, i'm hesitant to do so because there's a really big chance that this existing result will stand. and even if we do get marked up, there's virtually zero chance of achieving a band 1, not to mention the cost of reviewing the script. but a 3 looks so horrendously ugly. arrgh.

in other news, i was really lucky today. being the genius i am, i put both my mp3 player and wallet in the same pocket. of course, there was overcrowding, and my wallet fell out while i was in LT3 for chem. with an extraordinary stroke of brilliance, i didn't notice it was missing until close to an hour later. fortunately, LT3 wasn't being used any more, and the cleaners had gone in to tidy up. one of them found my wallet and turned it in to the office, where i eventually claimed it. i can't believe my luck. usually, people lose their wallets and never see them again, or the money's gone. someone up there must have been smiling down on me.

econs test tomorrow. an essay on unemployment, to be exact. i really have no idea how i'm going to be able to study for that test, let alone do it, what with the un-quietness around the house and the general atmosphere now. oh well. also, i have to go back to depot road for an eye checkup either tomorrow or friday. annoying.

-thingy of the day: I don't know what to think now.-

My previous (unpublished) post was supposed to be a philosophical, reflective one, but then the mood evaporated and it looked kind of silly. so, i'm putting it in cold storage until the mood strikes again. and that could happen any time, from an hour to a week later. so, instead of trying to better understand myself through my words, i'm going to talk about some games.

the 2 games i have in mind are Shin Onimusha - Dawn of Dreams, and Kingdom Hearts 2. Despite the claim that Onimusha 3 would be the last of the series, Capcom went ahead and produced another game, adding the word "Shin" (new) to differentiate it from the trilogy. even so, it's still a sequel, since it picks up 15 years or so after Nobunaga was defeated. However, Samanosuke is no longer the main character (though he does appear in the game, though quite indirectly). Instead, you control Soki, who has the power of the Black Oni. Your job is to put a stop to Hideyoshi Toyotomi, who has inherited the Genma power. On the way, you'll meet many new people and acquire new party members, each with their own reasons for going after the Genma. You'll also discover that Hideyoshi is but a little part of a larger scheme to awaken a certain someone from the very first Onimusha game.

gameplay wise, it's an improvement over the last Onimusha. you actually get more than 3 weapons now! and the new skill point system makes it better since you get to customize your characters and choose what attacks/abilities they master first. also, there are many new enemies and new locations, though you do revisit a few places from the previous game. the only problem is that it's a tad long, and some bosses are pretty overpowered. not to mention 100 levels of Dark Realm-y goodness for each character to get their best weapon.

all in all, it's a good game, with quite a bit of replay value due to the "new game +" feature. overall rating: 9.25/10.

as for Kingdom Hearts 2, i haven't got around to playing it yet, because i'm the kind of person who cannot juggle 2 games (with plotlines) separately, and Onimusha is my top priority now. but from what i've seen watching my cousin play, the graphics rock, and there are many new elements which weren't available in the prequel. stuff like 3-D Gummi ship rides, the entire Drive system, reaction commands, and many many new worlds. i can't wait to get started on it.

my nose is running. this, combined with a slight headache, doesn't make me the most sociable person around right now. but for the sake of emptying my brain, i'll go on blogging a bit longer.

sometimes, i wonder - what/who am i blogging for? is it for myself, so i have something to reflect on when i'm older? is it for my friends who still come here, to update them about my life? or maybe, just maybe, it's the little attention-seeker in me, looking for a way to be heard. frankly, i don't know why i'm blogging, and even more frankly, i don't care. all i know is, it's a great destressing outlet, and since nobody's gettin hurt, there's no reason to stop anytime soon.

thank goodness for the long weekend. school was just becoming a little too much to bear, if you know what i mean. i took the time to catch up on some playtime, a bit of work, and some sleep as well. nothing really that eventful. luckily there's another break coming up in 2 weeks. only problem is, i'll be in malaysia, fulfilling the expedition requirement of my NYAA. oh well.

ok. i really have to stop now. trying to think and type isn't helping my head.

-thingy of the day: Corn is good.-

Ok. to keep in line with my goal of stopping all internet activity by 9:30, i'll have to shorten this post, and type more quickly.

first off, if you've been reading my blog long enough, you should know that mondays are generally not my favourite day of the week, mainly because it seems that there is a higher probability for stuff to go wrong on a monday as compared to any other day of the week. for instance, Ms Giam was pissed off with us again, because of undone work. i don't know...i get the feeling that she takes things too personally, know what i mean? just because her work isn't done doesn't mean we hate her guts. it's just like what the teachers say. when they scold us, they don't dislike us as people. rather, they just dislike the stuff we do (or don't do, for that matter). if we didn't do work because we hated the people assigning the work, we'd have many many more enemies, and practically no work would be done. to me, it's scary when teachers make a huge scene. but do it too often, and the desired effect just isn't there any more. once a term is fine. once a month is still ok. but once a fortnight seems a bit...much, if you ask me.

anyways, SPA was still ok. not too bad, not too good. no sf or dp mistakes i could spot, and all units appear to be appropriate. only thing i'm unconfident of is that my supposedly "accurate" mass from the best-fit line was even more inaccurate than the inaccurate one from the extreme line. lost? it's ok. i just hope that a 10.5% error in gradient isn't too great. and that at least 4 out of my 6 sources of error can make it. all in all, it's passable. worst case scenario, chiong theory paper and get full marks there. 80% *should* net an A.

busy busy week...training tomorrow and thursday, doing work in library on wednesday, DRV FA tomorrow (oh noes!!!!), physics to be submitted tomorrow, likewise for econs file, makeup chem S-paper sometime this week (i hope), and i'm quite sure there are a few more things i've forgotten to list. bleh. speaking of econs, there's a lesson tomorrow and i'm still not sure what to do in preparation for it. hallelujah to me! now, to attend to that horrible physics TYS.

-thingy of the day: Learning to let go is a critical life skill.-

Receiving my confirmation slip today made me realize that the A-levels are slowly but surely creeping up on us. my papers start on the second of november, and end 20 days later. one fortunate thing is that i have a break from the 15th to the 22nd, because everyone else ends on the 15th (if memory serves), and there's a 7-day gap between then and the chem S-paper. at times, i still question why i torture myself so much. then i remind myself that it's for my favourite subject. in the end, it's all about give and take.

to an extent, i'm happy that i was forced to drop physics S-paper. though i'd have liked to voluntarily give it up (and save some face in the process), the fact that i'm not taking it any more means that my thursdays are a bit more flexible, and that i can save some brain space which would have been occupied by extra physics stuff.

seems that everywhere we go, people are telling us to wake up and shape up. be it econs, maths, judo, PE, the message is similar. it's really kind of sad. anyways, today's training was...quite a waste of time. we had to do warm ups THREE times. i don't understand why people can't count out loud. but looking at the positives, i feel really stretched out. and my arm's still giving a bit of trouble. pretty annoying. you'd think it'd have healed by now.

tomorrow is quite a saddening day. S-paper lessons have been cancelled again, meaning that there has been no lessons for 2 weeks. and next week is good friday week, so...i don't know. i feel like cursing fate for this, but well, what will be will be. looking on the bright side (again), there's the self-defence course! maybe the cancellation of the S-paper lesson wasn't such a bad thing after all. see, things tend to work out in the end.

that's all for now...the next update will come sometime soon. i'm trying to cut down on online time, so i can't promise when exactly the next post will be. now if you'll excuse me, i have to answer an sms.

-thingy of the day: Focus on the positives. It makes life seem brighter.-

Stress causes people's fuses to shorten considerably. so far, Ms Giam has screwed us over, and Mr Loh has roared at the entire LT. wonder which teacher will be next *touches wood*. you may be wondering how stress comes into play here. well, we are supposedly one of the better classes in the level, and thus, we are expected to produce results. however, when we fail to deliver, the teachers (and students, for that matter) are placed under much scrutiny. and as a result, tension builds. kind of annoying, actually.

on the way home, i decided to duck into NTUC to re-stock up on sour sweets since some of my classmates are helping themselves to liberal amounts in my absence. in those 5-10 minutes, it turned from dark, ominous clouds to heavy rain. and i mean heavy as in "rained like a bitch"-type heavy. heck, just running across a 15 metre road soaked my clothes. ok, maybe i'm not the world's fastest runner, but i spent less than 10 seconds exposed to the rain, and still got drenched. better yet, the area next to the lift was totally flooded. there was water coming up from the drain gratings, sort of like mini-waterfalls/fountains. i have a few photos and a video on my phone (which thankfully did not get short-circuited even after spending time in my wet pocket).

all of a sudden, i have a sushi/sashimi craving. japanese food rocks, especially if prepared well. arrgh. maybe it's time to go chenging soon.

i'm going for training tomorrow, after a week's leave. 2 things come to mind. one, i'm rusty. two, i wonder if my injury is 100% ok. i guess i'll bring that magical bottle of hot green oil/ointment/muscle rub and go over my neck and arm area before (and possibly after) training. oh well. maybe it needs a bit of shock therapy to fully heal.

Anyway, school tomorrow should be manageable, even though it's a 7pm day. many many tests on the horizon...need to devote more time to studying.

-thingy of the day: I'm rediscovering more golden oldies!-

Flipping through the yearbook made me think of something. isn't it funny how some people are so naturally photogenic while others (like me) are not? what determines photogeniticity? good facial structure, a nice smile, confidence, charisma, happiness, fakeness, or a bit of everything and more? i was comparing some photos of several of my schoolmates, and so far, no definite conclusion has been reached. maybe it's a matter of perspective, and the only people who look good in photos are people you like/admire/idolize/whatever.

moving away from that, the school organized a PTM, on april fool's day no less. my parents received the usual comments, like has potential, needs to push harder, good chem student (yay)...stuff i've heard for quite a while now. one new one was that i could be a potential scholar. hmmm...interesting. luckily, there were no major complaints about my attitude/personality, so i'm still safe (and alive).

rain again. i'm perfectly fine with rain and even lightning. it's the thunder i don't like. too loud. it's been raining quite a bit these past few days, and that's good i suppose. cooler weather and all.

i know i said something about this some time ago, but we're really screwing the earth up, and badly. too much global warming's causing the ice to break up, and the poor polar bears are drowning because the ice just breaks up beneath their feet. now i'm not the most passionate animal rights activist, but that's just wrong. and you know what? i don't know where this paragraph is going. it's just with regard to something i read about while taking a slack break in the library. maybe i'll continue writing about environmental issues when i gather more facts.

blogging is a great way to organize your thoughts, sort of like a pensieve in harry potter. my friends don't believe me when i say i get moody after not blogging for an extended period of time, but it's true. i guess it's because bottling emotions up is never good.

death is a funny thing. like for instance, the death of certain famous people don't affect you as much as the death of an acquaintance or a friend. while i can keep guessing why, i suppose the main reason is because your friend left an impact on your life, while that other guy didn't. ok, the main reason why this paragraph exists is because the mother of the chinese doctor i was referring to in the previous post has passed away. it's really quite saddening to learn of a death in your social circle. and it got me thinking. to me, i feel that this death is closer to me than the death of say, Mr S Rajaratnam (no offense here). i mean, all i knew was that he wrote the pledge and was a really brilliant guy. maybe if one of his relatives was my friend, i'd feel it a bit more. but oh well. let's leave the topic of death behind.

i saw my pretties today!! the last time i had any contact with them was about a month ago, or longer. what really made my day was that they remembered me, though it could also because of the food i brought them. missed the chance to take their photos though, since i didn't see the need to bring my phone. they're getting smarter, but greedier. and you know what's the worst thing? i still like them. my cute, brilliant, greedy, mercenary, moronic pretties.

well, i guess that's all i need to say. quite a mouthful, no? i'm out of ideas for now, so i'll update again when there's a need to.

-thingy of the day: Happy April Fool's Day!-