After much thought, i've realized what i've forgotten. it's actually about 15 to 27 CIP hours gained from doing timekeeping at various Judo competitions over the past year and a half. i figure that it's too late to include them in now, and it's not like i need CIP hours anyway, so oh well. besides, creating unnecessary trouble after finalizing my CIP stuff will not go down well with anyone at all.

weekends are not meant for study at all. i haven't touched a single book or set of notes for the past few days. instead, i've been catching up on TV, sleep, and computer usage. while watching channel newsasia, i chanced upon the programme called Japan Hour, where they showed various married couples taking time off to go enjoy themselves in rural areas. watching that show made me realize how little i saw of Japan the last time i was there. i really want to go back there some time in the future, both to see more sights, as well as to make a pilgrimage to the Kodokan, where Judo was founded. maybe after NS.

another recent source of entertainment is watching Rowan Atkinson's stand-up comedy. youtube has quite a limited selection of 5 clips maximum, but my goodness, they are funny. i thought i'd never see the day when Mr Bean talks this much. good stuff. really.

next week...is pretty short. exam on thursday and no school on friday makes it a 3-day week. then, it's a week's study break, followed by the prelims. kind of sucks, come to think of it. i can't believe it's exam season again. i must achieve at least AAAB or AABB for the prelims. then i can gauge how far off-track i am.

honestly, i can't wait for the break. these past 10 weeks have been quite taxing. it should be a welcome change from the dail routine of school. and i should probably end this post right now. my next Rowan Atkinson clip just finished loading.

-random thought of the day: Must remember to do CCA records thing.-

Humans, like other factors of production, are subject to the law of diminishing marginal returns. i should know; i've experienced it first-hand over the past 2 weeks or so. my first few sessions of night study proved to be beneficial as i got lots of stuff done in the 3 hours. but now, i still get some things done, but at a much slower rate, which is detrimental for my results.

sometimes, i feel like taking off to somewhere quiet for a week or two, to get in touch with nature and other zen-like things. but sadly, i don't have that luxury. not studying for a full 2 weeks is tantamount to academic suicide, which i cannot afford to commit yet. in the end, i guess i have to cast these delusions/excuses aside and focus. we only have 10 weeks or less left. after that, i'll be a free man for 2 years. until then, i'm looking forward to that day.

to steal a few lines off Sheryl's blog:

"when there's a will there's a way.

i believe it's not a matter of how much time there is. but how well you make use of the time you have. 26 days is really short. but it's enough. even with 5 subjects to juggle. how much do you want it?

if you desire something enough, you will put in the effort and eventually, the results will show. it takes sacrifice, but it is nothing compared to the results you will enjoy later on. it is a small price to pay.

i am amazed at the people who choose to keep 4 subjects, yet are doing nothing to work towards good grades. it is not everything, but at this point of time there is nothing more important.

it is the time to get down to serious work. and by the numbers that crowd the library in cjc no less, i believe most people have realised that. but dear 4 subbers, please. strive forward and put in the necessary effort. it's the only way.

ask yourself: just how much do you want it? really?"

there it is, completely unedited. this substantial block of text should serve as a grim reminder to me when i'm next inclined to slack off when i shouldn't. every time i read that, i feel like she's directing those comments specifically at me, because i'm not even the most hardworking person in my row, let alone the class. makes me wonder if i should drop something. but then, at this point, even if i do get rid of one subject (and honestly, if i had to choose, it would be econs), it wouldn't make that much of a difference. so i should stop cheating myself and work towards my 4As, even if it is for the sole purpose of showing them to the VJC principal who denied me admission into the school last year.

speaking of results, i'm generally happy with my performance in the mock exams. so far, i've snagged an A and a B, in chem and maths respectively. as for the other 2 subjects, physics looks optimistic, with 18/20 for MCQ. econs, however, is rather bleak. i'm hoping that my final set of results will be AABB (which will be my best set of results in CJC to date) or AABC. that should motivate me enough to see me through the prelim period.

generally, i like CJC, but sometimes, the administration does the most retarded illogical things. like holding the GP prelim on 31 august, when all other schools in the country are celebrating teachers' day. as a result, i will not be able to go back to cat high to say hi to the teachers on the actual day, or meet any of my friends who will be going back. instead, i'm forced to go back on wednesday, whereas most people i know will be going a day later. sian. oh well. complaining about it won't really help matters, since i'm not in a position of power to change things.

there are other things i want to blog about, but they elude me at this particular moment. somehow, i'm under the impression that these things involve friends, class, juniors, stuff about cat high, and/or my prelims. but i don't have the mental capacity to elaborate on these topics now, so i'll do it sometime later.

-random thought of the day: I want to get a gyroscope!-

What starts with an F, ends with a K, and means "about to get screwed"? the answer, of course, is FYE-sics mock. what else were you thinking?

yes, unfunny as the joke is, it does tell the truth. physics mock is tomorrow, and despite my nights of night study (anyone else sense some redundancy in that statement?), i still don't feel prepared. what's worse, we practically know what's coming out for the exam. so, there's just about no excuse for failure. and yet, i think not everyone will pass. hopefully, i will be amongst the people that do pass.

i don't understand why they can't give us the day off for the mock. one likely reason is because not everyone in the school takes physics, so it would be unfair to the rest if we took the paper at 8:00 am and left after that. and it would be unfair to give everyone else a day off. so, this is the best compromise...sort of. though i wonder why they couldn't have just squeezed it in with the other mock papers. ah well. brooding over it isn't going to help matters.

well, time to wrap this post up, put the computer in cold storage for another week, and go study physics. there's still quite a bit of ground to cover, especially in fluids, kinematics, and dynamics.

-random thought of the day: My life is pretty boring.-

In preparation for the physics mock, i've been staying back for night study every night since wednesday. i must say, it feels pretty good when you sit down and do questions in a conducive environment. not to the extent of being addictive or anything, but it feels good. another thing about night study is the company. doing questions with friends beside you sort of spurs you on, know what i mean? i get way more done when in night study as opposed to when i'm doing stuff alone. but then, i rarely (if ever) do work on my own initiative, so i guess this is quite a big improvement in efficiency. yays for me.

another thing is, teachers' day is around the corner. i have to do some gift-shopping really soon. and my class did something really apt for Mr Loh, which is shown below:

it's kind of cool, since this is one of his mottos. i really like the picture. i wonder what they did for the rest of our teachers. if this is any indication, i'd say they've did (or are doing) a very good job.

i think that just about covers it for the past 3 days. i can practically see my life as i know it fading away, being replaced by (not-so) solitary confinement with my books. not a pretty sight. but hey, if the payoff is 4As, i think it's quite a worthwhile trade.

-random thought of the day: Night studying every day gets boring.-

My supposed "last day of freedom" was spent rather un-freely, by serving my double detention and subsequently staying for night study. originally, my plan was to push all detentions to another day, take the physics test, and go off. but then, several variables changed, and i found myself staying in school until 10:00pm. i guess the lesson here is that if the motivating factor is strong enough, all decisions can be swayed. and i really had a great motivating factor that helped me make my decision to stay for an additional 5 to 6 hours in school. if i had this particular factor every night study session, i think i could get used to the idea of being in school until 10:00+ almost every day.

i must say, staying back to do work has helped to highlight how screwed i am in almost all my subjects. i really need to get into gear and start studying. and i'm not allowed to slack off for chem either, not for this year's stuff at least. i can't even answer some basic questions which should be second nature by now. the shame. it's no better for physics, econs and maths. really need to work extra hard in the coming few weeks/months. so, this is probably going to be my last post in quite a while. next earliest post should be during the weekend. latest...after A-levels, though i doubt i'll be able to hold the blogging urge off for that long.

receiving my maths mock paper really made my day today. normally, i dread getting maths marks back, and today was no exception, until i saw 61 on my paper. can you believe it? i got a B for maths! motivation. yays. but my physics test was bad though, really felt horrible. totally stunned at electricity. and i realize i'm actually quite hazy on some basic physics stuff. better look for help soon.

other than that, that's it for me, until the weekends or so. hopefully my tagboard doesn't get too flooded from that moron spammer.

-random thought of the day: I feel productive!-

Finally, we're exam free. but we can't go around rejoicing too much yet; it's only for a week. there's still physics mock next monday, as well as various assorted tests during class time. you know, i'm really looking forward to announcing the date when i'll be free of all exams. following the trend my life is taking now, i think that'll only be in about 6 to 7 years' time, seeing as army and university still lie ahead. saying that makes me feel young and old at once. hmm...that didn't really make much sense, did it? but that's how i feel, so oh well.

and speaking of class time, the new adjusted timetable starts tomorrow! WE END SCHOOL AT ONE PM EVERY DAY!!! my goodness! i'm so happy. thing is, ever since entering CJC in january last year, i have never left school before 2:00pm on a normal school day (i.e. no exams, events, functions etc). i think that it's quite obvious as to why i'm so excited about this new timetable thing. then again, there might be some downsides, like not spending enough time on study. i mean, a 1:00pm dismissal causes you to lose 4 hours of study time as compared to a 5:00pm one, ceteris paribus. but enough about that. i guess it's sort of a test of mental discipline to spend the free 4 hours constructively (and i don't mean by building castles in the sky. get it? constructively. ok, so it's not that funny. but give me credit for trying, yes?). "mental discipline"...i'm starting to sound like Mrs Loke. in the wrong way. i wouldn't mind sounding like her when she's explaining maths concepts, because that shows i understand all of them like she does, which is good for my A-levels. but sounding like her when she's lecturing the class on focus, discipline and various other virtues? no thanks. makes me feel...wise (which is a nicer way of saying "old").

i think i should hide my charger cable or do something equally (and maybe more) drastic to get myself off the computer. at least for now. it's not good to be online so much, especially with exams drawing ever closer. we're at about 70+ days now and counting down, i think. 70+ days. just think. a few weeks (or had it been months already?) ago, i posted that we were comfortably in 3-digit figures. then, somehow, it dropped to 2 digits. 9 became 8, 8 became 7. 7 will soon become 6, then 5, then 4, and so on until both digits reach 0. scary thought, really. i'm just thinking out loud here, but if i were to take the A-levels now based on my current knowledge, i think i could get ABBD or ABCE, and a merit for S-paper. not too good, if i'm looking for a higher-end university, which i hope i will be able to do. ok. so here's the ultimatum. wednesday is my last day of computer usage. after that, cable goes in my dad's car, and laptop goes back in its bag. until 22nd november. it's going to be tough, but time heals all wounds i guess. besides, it's only temporary. and it's only until november. ONLY. no big deal.

some guy/girl/amorphous alien being has been posting on my tagboard under the name of "test". well, it could be that the tagboard guys are trying to check something, and if they are, i apologize because i've been deleting the messages. and that's what happens when you don't leave a name or URL i can recognize when posting.

i just watched the judo farewell video. apparently the juniors think i study a lot. can we all say "joke of the decade" (note: it's not "century" yet)? ask anyone from my classes, past or present, who know me well enough, and they will tell you i'm as much of a slacker as the next guy, or worse. don't know where they got that idea. oh well. i'd never thought i'd leave the impression of me being a mugger on anyone. but still, if that's how they see me, so be it.

other than that, my econs and chem mocks went pretty ok. i wrote 3 sides for the DRQ (and nearly forgot to hand it in. *gasps*), and 4 sides for case study. couldn't feel my hand after that. i'm starting to worry for my chem and econs MCQs. i'm slipping, and slipping bad. structured will pull me up though. overall...i think A and C, or A and B if i'm lucky. worst case, B, D.

well, that does it for me here. initially, i thought that this post would be very much shorter, like half-size or something. but when the thoughts flow, it just got longer naturally. it's rare that i feel peaceful these days. must be the stress getting to me. i wonder though, based on the amount of work i'm doing, 'what stress?'.

-random thought of the day: I feel like playing City of Heroes/Villains! After A-levels that is.-

Genius. Pure genius.

that's the first word that comes to mind after recalling what happened today. i can't believe i was late for an exam! ok, so it was a mock exam, but still, it was an exam nontheless. somehow, the timing got shifted from 2:45 to 2:00. kind of odd that the entire class (except me) knew about it, no? oh well. in the end, there was no major harm done, seeing as i still managed to do what i knew within my 2.5 hours. as for my results, i'm hoping for a D, or a C if i get really really lucky. actually, anything is good as long as i don't fail.

you know, i've just had one of those little relevations which seem to pop out of nowhere at semi-regular intervals. this one came to me sometime while i was waiting for my bus on the way home. anyways, today's lesson goes something like "we are most comfortable where we fit in the best". it sounds pretty logical, doesn't it? that's because it is logical. but, you have to stop and wonder. what if you're put in a situation where you don't quite fit in? worse still, what if you're forced to be there, with no way out? i guess the best thing to do would be to grin and bear with it. sometimes it's not easy, but still, it has to be done. but it gets hard sometimes, believe me. especially when you get this really negative feeling from a group of people. but it doesn't matter that much now, since i'm no longer obligated to see them thrice a week.

other than that, nothing else much (nothing much else?) has happened. except that i fell sick on national day. but who needs to know that?

-random thought of the day: I need to think of better ways to end my posts.-

Nobody's been blogging about interesting stuff recently. it's either mundane stuff (like me), sad stuff, angry stuff, bo-liao stuff, or no updates at all. yes, i've been blog-hopping a lot. what gave it away? </sarcasm> anyways, i guess everyone's too worried about their upcoming exams to conjure up any really good, insightful posts.

for once, my weekend was spent rather productively. on saturday morning, i went down to turf city with a few seniors (all ex-cat high guys) to check out this weekly old boys' gathering thing. man, these guys put the "old" in "old boy". turns out i'm the youngest there. there are graduates from the 70s, 80s, and 90s, and possibly from before that. it was most definitely an eye-opener, seeing that they're all still so united after so long. makes me wonder if my class will be something like that 10 or 20 years later. personally, i'm quite torn about whether to say yes or no. i guess only time will tell.

today was well-spent too. went out to study physics and GP. oddly enough, i ended up studying more for physics than for GP, even though the GP exam's more important. then again, importance and priority is highly subjective and dependent on many many factors, such as the teachers teaching the subjects. nevertheless, i feel marginally more prepared for both tests tomorrow.

you know, i think it's time i took a big step back and look at the overall picture. something doesn't feel right in one particular aspect of my school life. but oh well. i figure that since i've received a very obvious sign, i'll practise a policy of indifference. to be honest, this little experience is sort of a wake-up call; not all things are as peachy as i'd like them to be. it's also helped me make up my mind about several of my future career choices. of course, i could be looking too deeply into things (one persistent bad habit of mine), but i seriously doubt that this time. oh well. i don't miss out that much anyway.

i know i should probably feel pissed off, or offended, or at least irritated, but i don't. instead, i feel kind of neutral about the whole thing, which may be a blessing in disguise. "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is a really apt saying for such a scenario.

there are only 80+ days to the A-levels!! oh noes!!! i was under the impression that we were still comfortably in the 90s range, but apparently, that's not the case. i guess it's true that when you assume, you make an ass out of yourself (p.s. is it quotes day or something?). i'm really going to have to push harder in all subjects, especially maths.

oh wow. it's 11+ already. better get some sleep. i predict tomorrow will be pretty taxing.

-random thought of the day: I have to chiong econs in chem lecture tomorrow!-

There are some days when you would be better off staying in bed, as opposed to going out and facing the world. today definitely falls into that category. throughout the day, things just felt so...out of phase with my natural frequency, for lack of a better descriptive term. up till now, i still have no idea why i was (and maybe still am) feeling like that. i've tried isolating some factors, and came up with these few things:

- this new odd-smelling orange shower gel thing i had to use in the morning

- almost being late for school (i hate being rushed, especially when i haven't been awake for at least an hour)

- not absorbing anything significant in maths lecture and tutorial

- chionging through chem and econs homework in break

- KB Ong cancelling S-paper today

- not really understanding enerything in econs

i'm reluctant to put the blame on any one particular factor, so i still don't know the root cause of my general moodiness. who knows? it could be because the planets aren't aligned nicely, or due to PMS or something. in the end, i think i'm better off not trying to find out why. instead, i should try and put that behind me and look forward.

you know, i think the realization that i'm screwed beyond measure hasn't really sunk in yet. despite hearing the motivational talk at the start of wednesday's econs lecture, i'm actually still feeling pretty relaxed, which is bad for any normal J2 student at this time of the year. even though i know for a fact that my series of mock exams starts on monday, it all seems so far away. i think it's a classic case of denial. mmm...not good. not good at all.

study stuff aside, i was just looking at the newly-established SJI Judo blog, which records all their training plans, schedules and stuff like that. now, no disrespect or anything, but i would NOT want to be in the guys' shoes (or feet, since Judo's a barefoot sport and all...) during training. but still, from a third-person perspective, i think it'll do wonders for them. in fact, i feel like joining them for a session or two after the A-levels are over, since we're banned from training temporarily now.

after blogging, i feel better. seems like blogging has helped me save thousands in therapy bills. anyway, i just want the A-levels out of my life ASAP. and...i've run out of material to post about. i guess i'll stop here, until the next urge strikes.

-random thought of the day: Repeat TV shows do get kind of boring.-