Gordon Ramsay is having some interesting effects on me. or rather, watching 5 seasons of hell's kitchen in about 4 days is having those interesting effects. for one, my bedtime has been drastically pushed back to about 4:00am. to compensate for that, my waking-up time has been pushed back too, to after 11:00am. that's the latest i've woken up in about 3 weeks, and possibly for the entire holiday! not to worry, though...there's still about a month before school reopens.

the other more interesting effect(s) of watching hell's kitchen is that i'm hearing gordon ramsay yelling at people, even when i'm not watching the show! for instance, i heard his voice say "you donkey" when the TV was showing a TVB chinese period drama serial. oh noes. also, my curse/swear words (even those that i yell or say mentally) are said/thought with a british accent. i'm relieved that only the english words are affected. practically all dialect words would sound atrocious with a british accent, and they wouldn't be as effective. it's pretty funny, actually. luckily, i don't think this will last long. good thing is that i've picked up a few new insults for use when i'm driving. the old ones were getting boring/repetitive.

nothing much of interest has happened from saturday until now. tuition on sunday was pretty good. went through like 5 or 6 textbook chapters in 90 minutes. then again, they were all brainless topics, so i'm not overly excited about that. from the looks of it, this girl's problem is that she needs someone to explain stuff to her slowly and in detail...and they simply don't do that in RGS (or any of the raffles schools, i believe). once that condition is met, she actually catches on pretty quickly. she's only sec 3, so there's not much to teach yet. in fact, if all goes well, we'll have caught up to the school by the next session. makes me wonder if i'm going too fast. guess i can always slow the pace down by giving homework and other assorted stuff. looking through my questions folder has reminded me what an ass i can be when i set questions. they're not incredibly difficult...as long as your concepts are solid. but even then, they're tedious for a typical secondary school student. it must have been the cause for my messed-up finals. bad karma.

other than that, there has seriously been nothing going on. in fact, i'm suffering from a mild case of blogger's block, which is quite a rare occurrence. i suppose i could talk about finishing Of Mice And Men, my popular trip, or a minor uncertainty about grading results. i will...but not now. the blogging mood still isn't back in full force yet.

-random thought of the day: I'm never wearing Crocs on an escalator.-

Uncle murphy didn't really come through for me today. i suppose it's because i didn't offer him something in return, like i did previously on my driving test day. even then, i think he kind of likes me, because while everything was not 100% smooth-sailing, the desired outcome was met. time for a flashback to recount what happened today.

woke up early at 7:40am. went back to sleep until 8:40am, showered, all the usual routine stuff...ended up in CJC at 9:40am. nice how everything's like at hourly intervals. but i digress. true to expectation, there were ridiculously few people today...like 6 sec 1s, 1 sec 2, 2 sec 3s, 2 seniors, and 1 coach. my intention was to use their training time to stretch everything out properly and refresh my knowledge, but i somehow ended up training with them. did most of what they did, and am aching horribly as a result. at least the aches didn't act up until after grading, so i'm thankful for that.

went down to the SJF building after that, and made several pit stops along the way. one of those stops involved the purchase of a very interesting snack. think of an egg tart, but replace the egg with tofu (or perhaps tau-huay might be a better description). cool right!? the filling was still yellow, but soy beans were definitely involved in its making. most importantly, whatever it was, it tasted good! that's why i have the sudden crazy urge to buy two dozen or so for next week's alumni gathering. have to make sure that the shop opens that early, though...and assuming they do, i'll have to do my research on the roads to take so that i get to turf city in a reasonably short time.

back to the main plot of the grading story. i went to watch the previous centralized grading, and there were like 6 people there. so i kind of expected a similar scenario. what i didn't expect was that HCI and NYGH sent their kids in for grading as well, so there were 6 guys and 11 girls total. on top of that, there was some muay thai exhibition/event going on at the SJF compound (kind of odd that it would be held there, since both martial arts focus on completely different things). so much for my hope for a quiet grading. anyways, the guys did the techniques first, followed by the girls, then we had sparring. as predicted, the techniques were manageable, though one of the examiners asked me to demonstrate the standing and ground techniques which i had the least confidence in. classic murphy's law. once again, as predicted, the sparring was my sort-of downfall. it's my fault, really. training and sparring with the secondary school/JC kids has conditioned me to ignore chokes and armlocks. they're currently banned in competition, so we don't focus too much on them. thank goodness that'll change next year. like i was saying before getting sidetracked (that seems to be happening a lot, no?), we were fighting on the ground, and i was defending against holds only. completely caught me off-guard when he came in with a choke. tried to get out, but it was too late, and my opponent applied it effectively. had to tap. i realize that i haven't been seriously choked for a long time. i actually felt disoriented after my opponent let go. arrgh. not good for my ego.

there were many more sparring matches, and i had one more where i fought to a draw with someone else. 1 draw, 1 loss. not very impressive statistics. after all the matches, the examiners talked to us. i think they were a little annoyed, because the serious/formal mood just wasn't there. i suppose that we're more to blame than anything else. but in our defence, the class size was large enough for non-negligible interactions to take place (i'll be damned...i can speak chem even when i'm not trying to!). that aside, they basically told us that we need to train much harder if we're thinking of going for black. and i agree. after seeing some of the matches today (even looking back on my own match), i understand why one of my seniors said that all ranks before black belt don't mean much. sure, they may intimidate the juniors and people new to the sport, but from a global perspective, the value of a brown belt really isn't that significant. we only start talking serious business after passing the black belt grading. so...that's something to aim for.

from what one of the examiners told us, all the guys passed. i'm thankful for that, for many reasons...like not wasting $50, not having to wait for the re-test 3 months later, and not having to lose face in front of the juniors for failing a grading. sure, it may not have been the NICEST pass, but a pass is a pass is a pass. besides, it's not like we passed when we should have failed. now that the grading's passed (pun intended), i'm a step closer to obtaining my black belt. and i'm in very good time, too! the earliest i can try for it is next year, provided that the grading's held in august like normal (there has to be at least one year between the dates you get your brown belt and the black belt grading which you're going for). if all goes well, i might get it before i turn 23! i know at least one of my friends wants to take it next year, so we'll see how things go, and whether i end up joining him or not.

i have tuition tomorrow with the RGS girl. have to print out my common ions table for her. still can't believe that i agreed to give tuition at NINE-THIRTY A.M.! it's good too, since i can visit the hospitalized judo junior, hopefully for the last time in the hospital (he's getting discharged soon!). focus on the positives. since i'm already doing that, here's hoping that tomorrow's tuition session will be smooth-sailing, too.

there's this other topic which i've put off from the previous post. guess what? i'm going to put it off again! i'm simply too tired to think into anything deeper than what i've already posted. with that, i'm off to catch some Z's. early morning tuition tomorrow and all. better set my alarm early...my aches and pains mean that i might need some extra time to get out of bed.

-random thought of the day: Driving in slippers feels weird! Less precise control, I suppose.-

Nothing all that interesting has happened in the past 3 days, save for my shopping trip and maybe tuition. even then, there's not much blog-worthy material. however, there's quite a bit of content about upcoming events, so we'll focus on that later. meanwhile, let's see how long i can stretch the past events.

first things first, shopping. i finally dragged myself out of the house to get some stuff which i've been meaning to get for a while. stuff like a new pair of slippers (the SAF sandals finally up and died). the new ones are from a brand called ipanema (which i think is an actual geographical location). according to the label, they're 100% recyclable. i'll have to put that to the test when they become no longer serviceable.

something tells me that i should get yet another pair of sandals, for going to school in. even though i've seen many of my schoolmates doing it, i feel that going to school in slippers is somehow...not entirely correct/acceptable. then there are the practical considerations, like whether the slippers will hold if i have to run for a bus. of course, there is the other option of going with shoes, but they're kind of overly formal unless i have a lab session that day. hmm...maybe i'll just give slippers a try for one day, then buy something slightly more formal if it feels too weird.

slippers aside, i also got some groceries. continually opening the fridge and cupboards to see nothing that was both conveniently edible and substantially filling was getting kind of annoying. i'm kind of appalled at the groceries' cost. individually, the prices doesn't seem like much, but then, the cents add up, and you realize that you end up paying more than what you initially thought that you would have to pay. to overcome this, i've started to round everything up to the dollar, so that i get pleasantly surprised when my total cost comes up to be lower than expected. that helps me to watch my budget, too.

while i was shopping, i had this brief, crazy urge to buy some fresh foodstuff. i blame this on the various cooking shows that i've been watching on youtube (they're addictive! i was up till close to 4:00am this morning watching them). i guess it's the trend nowadays that chefs are trying to show that cooking doesn't have to be a long, painful, drawn-out affair. three names come to mind pretty quickly when thinking of chefs that teach people how to prepare quick, easy meals: nigella lawson, jamie oliver, and gordon ramsay. i doubt it's a coincidence that they're all british. anyway, the last name might come as a bit of a surprise, because i think he's more well-known for terrorizing his recruits on TV. but there are several clips of him on youtube being friendly and teaching the viewers how to cook all sorts of stuff ranging from vegetable curry to duck. it's kind of difficult to reconcile the two different extremes, but it's true. here's proof:

and...

kind of interesting to see contrasting facets of someone's personality. i particularly enjoy his zao-sia at/on the word "stick" in the second video (it's about 0:06 or 0:07 into the video, if you want to replay it constantly and annoy the hell out of everyone within earshot). but like i was saying, i'm so tempted to try my hand at cooking again, particularly the scrambled eggs recipe in the first video. goodness knows how long i've gone without scrambled eggs. only thing holding me back is that it looks a tad unhealthy. well, maybe as a treat for myself after i accomplish something. now, all i need to do is find a "something" worthy enough of that treat, and accomplish it.

jumping back to cost for a bit, i realize that i should be slightly more frugal with my spending. it's not like i'm spending unnecessarily in an excessive manner or anything, but it's just that i think my spending habits can be tightened up a little more. after all, my income for the next school term looks a little shaky. i'm foreseeing less tuition (genius girl wants to pause for a while in july/august), and i will most probably lose another tuition kid due to other reasons (if i haven't done so already). and as usual, nothing's solidified on the coaching end, either. better prepare for a rainy day while my current personal financial situation looks above average.

wow...that was actually quite a lot of stuff! that basically covers what's been going on. now, to see what's coming up. the most outstanding item on the list is training and grading tomorrow. well, more of grading than training. i'm still debating about whether to go for training or not, considering as it's just SJI and i think fewer seniors will be present. i suppose i should go, just for the sake of refreshing the grading syllabus and getting familiar/comfortable with the procedures. right now, i personally give myself an 80% chance of passing, 15% chance to be on probation, and 5% chance to fail outright. it's all dependent on the sparring component. doubt that i'll encounter any problems with the technical part, unless they decide to be funny and test stuff from earlier grades. even then, i think i'll cope. just that damned sparring. better offer a prayer to uncle murphy before i sleep.

speaking of tomorrow, it'll be the 2-week anniversary of the deactivation of my facebook account. it's funny...the longer i stay away, the less i want to go back. over this period of time, i've also realized how people are becoming slaves to facebook. of course, there's the last, most important reason that i don't want my account's reactivation to rip my (emotional) wounds open again, especially when they've been healing up so nicely. so, i guess i'll try to keep it deactivated longer...maybe for a semester. who knows? my grades may improve as a result. only potential drawback is that i won't be able to stay as updated with the happenings in my friends' lives. but that can be solved via MSN, phone and various other sources of communication, so i probably shouldn't worry that much.

my JC classmates are planning to go down to clarke quay for a drinking session tomorrow evening/night, but i won't be joining them. if i choose to drink, i won't be in any shape for 9:30am tuition on sunday with the RGS girl. can't believe i agreed to such an early time, but it does have its benefits. for one, there'll be a higher chance that i can secure car usage, not to mention that finishing tuition earlier leaves more of the bottom half of the day free. i've decided to ignore whatever she thinks she knows, and teach her the syllabus from scratch. i'm not going to care about whether her intelligence feels insulted or whatever...the way i see it, she needs a refresher, anyway.

incidentally, today is the first anniversary of michael jackson's passing. hard to believe it's been a year already. i've more or less come to terms that i'll never have the chance to watch him perform live, but it still kind of sucks. oh well. that's what DVDs and TV features are for, i guess.

there's already so much stuff here, so i think this would be a good place to end the post. i'll just save some other stuff (mostly regarding the huge wounds mentioned a couple of paragraphs up) for another day...most likely tomorrow or sunday. besides, it's about bedtime for me, anyway, since i have to be up at around 8:00am tomorrow. need to get enough sleep to make sure that i can perform at my best for the grading.

-random thought of the day: Wish me luck!-

Proving me wrong seems to be life's goal in life. wait...that didn't make much sense, but you get the idea. just when i'd thought that i'd figured everything out, life throws me a curveball. i say this because of today's tuition session with the RGS girl...but i'll talk about that later.

first, i have to mention the private coaching session. honestly, i think i could have chosen not to go down. my presence there didn't seem to be really required. at least i learnt something new about marking the ball. it's still beyond my technical knowledge level, but a little extra information never did hurt. only thing is, i saw how my boss did it, but i have absolutely no idea how to do it myself. well, like i said earlier, it's not really required that i know how (yet), so i'm just going to ignore it for the time being.

drove down to paya lebar for RGS girl tuition after that. found the place pretty easily, though i can't take credit for that. the place would have been pretty difficult to find without GPS, due to the large number of small, one-way roads. lucky i DID have a GPS with me. i'm kind of annoyed, though; my phone battery is dying increasingly faster with each successive charge. just using the GPS drained half the battery or so. guess it's time for a replacement...of either battery or phone.

but back to the topic of tuition. i am now convinced that raffles isn't all that it's cracked up to be, and that the fear of raffles can be overcome. after all, you no longer fear something when you've seen that it has weaknesses too. in this case, i've seen the weakness — a less-than-perfect raffles student. this RGS girl seems to have a poor chem foundation, probably because the school teaches stuff at a pace which is too fast for her. well...at least she's not completely hopeless. i figure that i have to work her a little harder in order for her to catch up. bonus is she likes chem the most out of her 3 sciences, so she should be ok at the end of the day.

i had some spare time after the tuition session (which was set for 1.5 hours instead of 2 like i'd hoped for), so i took some time to get lost. ended up in marine parade, pretty close to my cousin's place. don't ask me how i got there, because i honestly don't know. all i remember is taking a few random turns and ending up on east coast park service road. then, i just followed it to marine parade. for once, i decided to give the usual route home (via the PIE) a miss, and went home by travelling through ubi instead, for nostalgia's sake. come to think of it, i haven't driven in that area since i passed last year. it's still as crowded, and filled with learner drivers. true to the promise i made last year, i was extra-nice to the learners, giving way to them and all that. was hoping to meet my instructor in the area, but no such luck.

so...i'm at home now. still haven't gone on my shopping trip yet...i think it's currently a little too late for that. think i'll spend the rest of the night reading and/or writing. and maybe playing Champions Online once my friend passes me his password. for some reason, it's starting to look more attractive than STO. bleh. the grass is always greener, i guess. oh. i figured out the non-breaking space thingy. it only happens when two spaces are directly next to each other, so i'm now trying to avoid that scenario as much as possible when typing/editing my posts. go me for solving that mystery!

-random thought of the day: Must finish my books in a week's time!-

Turns out i didn't go out after all. weird as it sounds, i felt too insecure about leaving the house without my keys. and as usual, murphy's law works again. my friends had to ask me out on the ONE day where i didn't have my keys and didn't feel inclined to leave the house. bleh. i realize that keys are a symbol of freedom, because with my keys, i have the freedom to come and go as i wish, without worrying whether anyone will be at home to open the door for me or not. and i also realize that i really value my freedom (well, re-realized. i have been through army, after all).

some slight updates to my schedule...genius girl enrichment is now on thursday, because she has maths olympiad training tomorrow. so, i'll probably be going down to OCC to watch the private coaching session (depending on car availability). i'll definitely be heading over to paya lebar to see the RGS girl later in the afternoon, so i have to do some precision planning. other than that, everything else is more or less the same. i figure that i can fit my shopping trip(s) in sometime during the week. after all, none of the things i need to get are THAT urgent.

well, that's it for this brief update. think i'll go back to writing my fanfiction. the first chapter of my not-happy story is coming along quite nicely.

Week 1 of facebook abstinence is over (or week 1 and a day, if we're being precise), and i think i've been surviving ok. kind of odd though...the longer i stay away from facebook, the more reluctant i am to reactivate my account. i'd have thought that the opposite would be true instead, but apparently not. well, i think i'll give it another few days to a week and see how i feel then.

if i had gone through with my original plan, i wouldn't even be blogging now. i'd actually be either at CJC or the library. sadly, the reason i'm still at home is because i left my keys in the car on saturday, and forgot to retrieve them before my dad took the car for work this morning. annoying. right now, i have 2 choices: remain at home, or go out and come back late enough so that everyone else will be home by then, thus negating the need for my keys. personally, i'm more inclined towards option 2. only problem is, i'd have to find ways to amuse myself for about 10 hours, unless i leave the house at a later time.

since i'm planning to go out later anyway, i might as well draft out some possible ways to keep myself entertained, and reminders about what i want to buy. let's see...i'll definitely spend some time in the library (i want to finish up a book, and maybe borrow a few more). i also have to buy stuff, like a new toothbrush and a pair of slippers/sandals (my old ones sort of gave out). could probably float around in the arcade and various other shops, though that wouldn't last very long. worst case is, i'll take a trip to thomson plaza to rent/buy some DVDs which i've had my eye on.

that's the basic idea for what's going to happen today. as for the rest of the week, i have a couple of tuition sessions, maybe training on wednesday, and the highlight — grading on saturday. interesting thing about the tuition sessions. apparently, genius girl's sister passed my number to one of her friends, so that's my first recommendation outside of SJI/CJC. i'm not exactly sure how the friend is related to the kid herself. all i know is that this potential new kid is sec 3 this year, in RGS, and has trouble identifying key words, much like another kid whom i see on a rather sporadic basis. i'm not too worried for her, considering what school she's from. in fact, i'd understand if the first session was also the last. as a side note, it would be kind of interesting if she was in judo, since the two clubs happen to be on pretty good terms.

even though it's only 12:05pm now, it feels like i've been awake for much longer than the actual 3.5 hours. must be some physiological effect of getting up early messing with my head. anyway, i figure that i should have lunch before setting out on my trip. so, i'm off for now.

-random thought of the day: I'm still trying to solve the mystery of the non-breaking spaces...-

Xylophone!

unfortunately, my actual post will not have any references to that particular musical instrument (or any other musical instrument, for that matter). it's there because i rarely use "X" to start my posts. in fact, i think that this is the second or third time at most. now that i've cleared that up, let's get started on the actual content.

officially, school coaching is over. that's good. unofficially, some of the kids have plans for private lessons. that can go either way, depending on how you look at it. good because i have more opportunities to improve my coaching skills, bad because it eats up free time. then again, since it's optional, there's no real NEED for me to be there, unlike for school training. so i guess i can take days off here and there. i do want to be present for tuesday's extra lesson though; one of the kids just got a new ball and i want to see how he performs with it.

went for training today. the juniors were doing their grading, so another senior and i did our own stuff by the side. it felt good to train this hard again, and though i'm not feeling it at this point, i bet i'll be aching all over tomorrow. i realize that i need sources of motivation (like the aforementioned senior) to push me further. on first impression, 300 of almost anything is difficult to do. but when broken down into 10 sets of 30, and with lots of encouragement, it can be done. if only i could force myself to believe that without external assistance.

as for the grading itself, the standard isn't really there. i warned them that they had to get their japanese terms down, but there was still some confusion. looks like they didn't take my advice to heart. personally, i don't think anyone will fail, though if i had a say in it, there would be 1 or 2 failures and some others would be on probation. thankfully, i'm not sufficiently qualified to have a say in the matter, so they should all pass. SHOULD.

then again, i realize that i shouldn't be so critical of them, considering that my own trial by fire is coming up next week. as i've mentioned before, it's a centralized, national grading, so the pressure's on. even then, i don't think i'll run into major problems as far as the techniques are concerned. but there's this nagging feeling of uncertainty. i suppose it also depends on which type of examiner i get...a nice, friendly one, or a super-strict, by-the-book one. i'll just leave next week's problem for next week.

had lunch at AMK hub after training. it's quite a refreshing change, as opposed to the usual destinations of toa payoh and bishan. maybe it was because i watched naruto the previous day, but i had a sudden urge to go for ramen. so i did. and i didn't regret that decision. even though $6 ramen sounds pricey for a food court, the serving size and food quality were worth every dollar. i'm willing to bet that i'd end up paying at least double, if not triple, for something similar at ajisen.

floated around for a bit after lunch, then went to the library, before going to visit the hospitalized judo junior. he's in good spirits, and is recovering nicely. seeing him when he was just hospitalized in april versus now, it's apparent that he's been putting up a good fight. as much as i know that some things can't be rushed, i just can't help but wish he'd recover sooner. hopefully, things will be back to normal for him at the end of the year.

sent some of the kids back, then went home. after parking the car (got it centred into the lot on the first try!), i turned off the engine, reclined my seat, and just watched the sky. it was calming, and allowed me to think about a lot of stuff. after realizing the therapeutic effects of this practice (and of those of driving aimlessly too), i'm now more motivated to push for a car of my own. of course, i bet that people will think that i'm crazy if they ever see me just lying down like that. but since when have i been one to care about what strangers think?

while lying down, i thought of a great number of things, most of which involve (or are at least related to) the knot in my system, which has never really undone itself since it formed last week. after even more analysis, i realize that i am the source of my own misery, and i have to let go. to (re-)quote something which i posted back in sec 4...

Letting Go
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off...
It is the realization that I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
it is to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcome,
but to allow others to affect their own destiny.

To let go is not to be protective,
It is to let another face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings then to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for today.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

the bolded parts are the ones that apply more to me at this period of time. they all look so good in theory, but actually executing them and turning them into practical actions is way more difficult. it sucks like hell, knowing that someone does not reciprocate the way you feel for them. and yet, something compels you to continue feeling that way about/for them anyway.

another thing that i recall thinking about was first highlighted to me by one of my friends. it has to do with the concept of "one true love", and why it's impractical. just imagine — you're married to your one true love. then, s/he dies, and you marry someone else. think about it for a moment. what if your second wife/husband is someone else's one true love? won't you have deprived someone else of their maximum possible happiness? or what if you marry someone without knowing if s/he's really the one? i mean, how can you tell anyway? i bet i'd be rich is i could somehow invent a "love detector" that helps singles find someone they'd be happy to spend the rest of their lives with. that definition also happens to fit the description of a marriage/dating agency, so i guess i shouldn't try to reinvent the wheel.

you know, i think that i shouldn't have resorted to fanfiction to tide over the worst of it. it's simply because most fanfiction writers (the ones that i read, anyway) are (like me,) hopeless romantics who somehow manage to twist their story so that the protagonist(s) get their happily ever after. too bad none of them aren't writing my life story. come to think of it, i'm a hopeless romantic, and i'm in charge of my own life, which means that i AM in fact writing my own story. so...patience, i guess.

as mentioned several paragraphs ago, i do know what i'm supposed to do to get over this. it's just that i'm unable (or perhaps unwilling?) to execute these plans. instead, i think what i'll do now is have a nice, warm shower, then crawl into bed and emo before sleeping. then, i'll wake up tomorrow, and emo again. after all, i don't intend to go anywhere tomorrow. might get a new story idea out, too. i have some emotional scenes to write, so i might as well make use of my less-than-happy mood to do it.

-random thought of the day: I don't know how to react any more.-

I normally don't have the habit of blogging while i'm tired, but i'll make an exception today, because several interesting things have happened in the last 3 days. going by chronological order would make it rather messy, so let's do it by events.

first up, coaching. previously, i'd said that it would be on for all 5 days, but another plan change has led to friday's session being cancelled. so i may be free to go for the combined training after all...or not, depending on whether any of the kids wants extra training, and/or if my boss is set on trying out the breakfast at subway. but that's still in the future. let's focus on what's been happening so far.

handling kids is something i do with utmost reluctance, even when i'm at my most patient. makes me wonder why i'm a coach sometimes. guess i wasn't expecting to teach primary school kids...and yet, look at what i've been doing. it gets frustrating when you repeat something umm...repeatedly and they still don't get it. on the flipside, the spark of satisfaction you get when they FINALLY catch the ball (no pun intended, since i'm coaching bowling and all...) makes the frustration almost worthwhile, depending on the kid too. i have the (mis)fortune to have kids with a broad spectrum of maturity levels and quicknesses. there's one boy i'm pretty impressed with. he's only primary 5, but he's pretty smart for his age. my boss highlighted the kid to me, but i didn't believe him at first. after some interaction, i found him to be right. the way he asks questions and rephrases your answers for his own understanding is really what i would expect a sec 2 kid (or thereabouts) to do. but, for every bright spark, there are a few wet matches as well. some of the other kids just don't get it, despite numerous repetition. guess this is training for me as well, in a roundabout sort of way. i don't just mean training in terms of my coaching skills (finding alternative ways to explain the concept to them), but also in terms of patience, creativity, and other relevant life skills.

speaking of skills, i learnt that one way to do something is not to do anything at all. paradoxical as it sounds, it actually makes sense. you see, it isn't good to overload some kids' minds. once they hit their upper limit, they tend to shut you out and ignore anything else you say. so, sometimes, you just have to stand back and let them figure stuff out for themselves...even if there are a million other things you'd like to correct. other more minor things can be slowly introduced after the main idea clicks.

all in all, coaching has been pretty ok. tiring, but still survivable. personally, i'm hoping the kids don't want that many extra lessons, because i'd like to sleep in for at least 2 days next week. besides, my boss has decided that private lessons are free-of-charge, so there's less incentive. but, as i continually remind myself, it's not about the money. it's the experience and promotion of the sport.

the other major event was the judo J2/sec 4 farewell yesterday. i had coaching in the morning, so i was a little late in meeting some of the kids at leisure park kallang for ice skating. after watching Blades of Glory, i had expected the skates to be sharpened enough to decapitate someone (oops, spoiler). but to my dismay, they were nice and blunt...which is actually a good thing, considering how many potential accidents might happen with sharp blades. the experience itself wasn't horribly fail, considering that yesterday was my first time on ice. personally, i think that ice skating is pretty similar to rollerblading. thank goodness that my rollerblading experience from 11 or 12 years ago was lurking in some dark corner of my brain, and could be called upon. ice skating actually involves a lot of momentum and weight transfer. several times, i found myself skating with only one leg supporting my weight (the other leg was just contacting the ice for balance). go me. however, my skill wasn't sufficient to fulfill my ultimate objective, which was to stage a Jon Heder/Will Ferrell couples skate reenactment. well, that's one thing to aim for, i guess.

unfortunately, i fell down quite a bit (thrice, actually). what'd you expect? it was my first time, after all. two of the falls weren't that bad, but one of them left me with a scraped left elbow. even though it's pretty common knowledge, i (re-)discovered that ice is hard, and breakfalling on non-smooth ice might not have been the smartest thing i've done. well, at least it was a superficial injury. prior to yesterday's experience, i'd thought that ice skating would be easier than what i went through. maybe i just need someone to explain the theories/tricks to me...which makes me wonder — should i consider taking up ice skating as a hobby? it seems like an odd question given my build, but hey, it might help me in my understanding of anatomical physics and dynamics. and as a bonus, i'll get nice, sharp skates that fit properly (the rental ones were a little narrow for my feet, resulting in a pinched feeling that still hasn't completely gone away). besides, i am terribly jealous of kids who can do all sorts of fancy jumps and turns, and even skate backwards and sideways. worst thing? they're probably less than half my age. annoying.

drove down to turf city after that for the actual farewell function. i really should be more observant while in the car. i didn't notice that a trolley was in the lot that i was trying to park the car into, hence resulting in me having to spend longer than necessary to drive out again, shift the trolley, and re-reverse in. i think i amused the australian guy in the adjacent lot, because he rolled down his window to ask me why i didn't save myself the trouble and remove the trolley before reversing in. i told him that i would have done so if i had seen the damned thing in the lot in the first place. went to float around giant for a bit, before going to chong pang BBQ for dinner.

dinner wasn't that exceptional. i mean, it's a DIY BBQ place. the main draw is the company, not really the food. in fairness, though, the food was pretty decent. spent the time there cooking, talking, and mixing around with the juniors. i was quite entertained by our joke-sharing session. heard a few good jokes, and told a few of my own as well. i think i generally like this bunch of J1s (the 3 that i've known since last year don't count). eventually, time wore on and i sent some of them home. the route went: turf city to pasir ris, then to kembangan, then eunos, yishun, and finally home. took a total of about 95 minutes, partially because i took a couple of wrong turns. shows my unfamiliarity with the roads. but in my defence, roads look different at night. i think that last night was also the first time i got tired from driving. mentally tired, that is. it was kind of taxing to watch the roads so much. maybe i should have stopped for a break mid-way through my epic journey. hmm...that's worth considering in case i do something similar next time. taking a break would also help me wake up on time and not be almost-late for any activities i have the following morning, unlike today, where i was ALMOST late for coaching. actually, my internal sleep meter still shows i owe a few hours, hence the tiredness today, and my strong desire to sleep right after this is published.

i'm quite hesitant to actually write this next part out, but i figure what the hell. remember my avoidance plan? as of last night's long drive, it flopped. i'm starting to think that i may have latent self-harming/masochistic tendencies, because i tend to put myself in painful situations. having that someone in the car for that amount of time wasn't good for my heart/soul. but well, i managed to tell them something, which is just one out of the many things i want to say. after thinking about the entire matter and after doing some soul-searching, i think i can safely say i'm jealous.

...but of who, exactly?

-random thought of the day: The car's steering is offset to the left.-

Abstaining from facebook has resulted in an increased urge to blog. i guess it's just me trying to reallocate time that would have been spent on facebook to other websites. and there's only so much wiki-ing, youtubing, and fanfictioning one can do before it becomes repetitive. logically, the same could be said about blogging, but i guess the boredom takes a longer time to set in for blogging as compared to my other usual internet activities.

sadly, i haven't started on any of my home improvement projects yet. actually, that's doubly sad, because today's a rare free sunday, and i was up before 9:00am (though i fell back in and out of sleep for a couple of hours even after waking up). but at any rate, i promise to finish them before i sleep tonight. i've put them off for long enough.

yesterday's emotional problems aren't bugging me that much any more, though i'd be lying if i said that they were completely out of my mind. my head has accepted that the most effective strategy is minimal interaction right now, but for some reason, i'm still thinking of alternative ways of handling it. annoying when the various systems don't agree, isn't it? actually, i wouldn't mind if i could think of something more effective (with a reasonably good outcome), but that's not happening, nor do i think it will happen. oh well. they say time heals all wounds, so i'm just waiting for the healing to begin. hope that that happens soon.

one potentially good outcome of this whole emotional thing is that i suddenly feel motivated to write again. i know that i'm already writing when i blog, but there are some things that i don't want most of the people i know to read, hence my other avenues for writing, like fanfiction. unfortunately, due to the non-happy nature of this emotional thing, most (if not all) of the stuff i write in this period will be of a similar nature. maybe that's a good thing, since it helps to get all the bad stuff out of my system. you know what? i think i'll go do some writing now.

-random thought of the day: I'm dehydrated.-

"How much do you love him?

...so much, it hurts."

i chanced upon that quote while reading fanfiction, and after today, i can identify perfectly with it. ok, so today wasn't as bad as my (imagined) worst-case scenario, but all things considered, it was bad enough. now, how will i deal with it? that's a good question. the way i see it, there are 2 main choices: confrontation, and avoidance. my strategy involves mixing both. i will call that person and explain myself, then avoid that person for a period of time no shorter than a few months. i can't face that person directly yet; i may end up doing something that i won't be proud of in the future. so, there won't be any major moves on my side...at least not until my emotions have settled down.

upon some self-examination, i find myself behaving in a kind of hypocritical way. it's not the most flattering discovery one can make, but i suppose it's good that i found out myself, and didn't need others to point it out to me. the reason i say this is because i have said that i love this person. so, i should be happy as long as they're happy. keyword: SHOULD. right now, that person is happy, and i'm not. if you've been following my posts, you'll realize that i've been feeling almost everything other than happy as far as this person is concerned. i think the closest i got to "happy" was "neutral". maybe i need to redefine "love", or find a better word to describe my feelings.

oh. one thing i kind of neglected to mention in this morning's post...the two things that upset me this year on facebook? both were also somehow related to this person. like i've said before, anyone who knows me in real life (anyone from the correct social circle, that is) and has more than a couple of brain cells will be able to fit the pieces together, despite all the cryptic-cism in the posts. makes me wonder why i'm blogging in this fashion. maybe it's some psychological thing, and i actually WANT someone to find out.

this third thing is something which i've also mentioned before. i'm a lousy professional. if i was truly professional at what i do, i wouldn't let this thing bug me. other aspects of life would go on as per normal. but i'm not big enough (oh, the irony in the word selection) to do that. so...it's for the best, even if it means reduced earnings for a few months, or even permanently. i'll still survive.

well, i guess that's the end of that saga. i doubt that there'll be any more follow-ups or stuff like that, because i know when it is time for me to fade into the shadows. and now seems like a REALLY good time. of course, i still have to explain the rationale for my actions...it's only the responsible thing to do, and i owe that person that much, if i still have the slightest ounce of professionalism in me. i promise to make the call by 9:00pm tonight. no point delaying the inevitable. i wonder if i should prepare a script, or at least a list of major points? after all, i do get horribly tongue-tied when talking about emotional matters.

even then, i won't say that my door is locked and deadbolted for this person, because the future may hold different plans. i just don't know when this particular door will open again, if at all. personally, i wish that things played out differently, or at least that i was dense enough not to read the signs. but it didn't, and i wasn't, so bleh.

looking forward, life still goes on. timeless words of wisdom which i've come to rely on. i believe that i'm strong enough to get over this eventually, and i know that i will. just like i can't find it in myself to feel happy for that person. i think that i could do it eventually...but just not right now (or in the near future). what will happen right now, though, is that i'll use my short-term fix of mood-appropriate music and sappy, romantic fanfiction. maybe a bottle or two of sake as well (or maybe not, because i'd have to get out of the house to buy them). at this moment, getting drunk sounds WAY more appealing than it has for a long time.

to begin the road to recovery, i'll just blog about some mundane stuff. sustained a sprained last finger on my right hand while doing a rolling breakfall this morning. purely my fault for being distracted like an idiot. i just hope it heals up in time for either training next week or grading. other than that, tomorrow's going to be used for some major housekeeping. need to put my past semester's notes into cold storage, and sort out my clothes. i will be productive.

-------------------------

brief update: the call's been made, and i believe that i got my point across. it wasn't as bad as i thought it might be, but it could have gone way smoother, too. this call made me realize that i have the bad habit of blabbering when i'm nervous. must be a side-effect of watching too much ellen degeneres (she did that when she acted as her TV show character).

it's odd. i don't feel any better than before the call. maybe it takes some time for the effects to sink in. i don't know. meanwhile, back to more fanfiction.

side-note: this sprain made me realize that i use my last right finger to hold down the shift key when i capitalize letters. well, that realization was actually brought about by the stabs of pain when i try to do it now, but you get the idea. thank goodness i don't capitalize the first letter of every sentence on this blog.

Receiving not-good news at 3:50am is quite upsetting. well, in my case, i got curious enough to check for the news at that time. still, the point is that that does not make for good sleeping.

i remember my sec 3/4 form teacher once said that i was good at reading climate. no, it has nothing to do with my meteorological ability. rather, the "climate" he was referring to was interpersonal climate, or the signals between people. personally, i like to paraphrase that and say that i have good intuition. so, when the warning signs about that not-good thing appeared close to midnight, i had more or less guessed what happened. still, i went to sleep, thinking that i may have been mistaken, and that i would confirm it later. for some screwed-up reason, i woke up at 3:50am. guess my curiosity overrode my sleeping process. a quick log-on to the internet from my phone, and i realized that my prediction was right.

even though i had anticipated this news, having it confirmed for me still sucked. hence explaining why i was awake in bed until about 5:10am after i found out about it. i'm grateful, though, that after some more sleep, it doesn't hurt as much as when i just found out. i just wonder how this will change things. well, i suppose one way to find out is to wait for those things to happen. believe you me, they will soon enough. question is, how will i respond then?

out of the 3 things that have majorly upset me this year, 2 of them somehow involved facebook. this most recent thing has caused me to deactivate my account. as for how long the deactivation will last, i can honestly say that i have no idea. maybe a week, a fortnight, a month, or even longer. one thing's for sure though — it won't be reactivated until at LEAST a week later. the side-reason for me doing that is to prove to myself that i'm not a facebook addict, and that i can amuse myself sufficiently without it. i do find myself wondering — how many people will notice that my profile is gone?

so, that's that, then. guess i'll wrap up here, since it's about time for me to shower and get ready for training anyway. i just hope nothing bad/idiotic happens later, especially considering i'm not at my most personable right now.

-random thought of the day: Damn, this sucks.-

Maybe my urge to blog on saturday was due to subconscious anticipation of the five-day dry spell. kind of far-fetched, but who knows? it JUST may be related...as unlikely as it sounds. anyway, the reason i haven't been blogging much is due to the hours i've been keeping. waking up at 7:30am every day and getting home at an average time of 8:00pm is bound to induce fatigue. simply put, i'm just too tired to blog when i get home at night. hence i'm blogging now, on my only day off this week. and why exactly have i been keeping these ungodly hours? well, that can be summed up in 3 words: coaching and lab.

the original plan for coaching was monday, wednesday and friday this week, and the first 3 days of next week. due to logistical errors (aka. lane-booking screw-ups), that was changed to this past monday and wednesday, and all days next week. that actually means that one more session got slipped in, which means more $$, so i can't really complain. on the flipside, the new arrangement means that my next friday morning is now blocked off, and i can't go for the SJI/CJC/raffles combined training. sacrifices, i guess. obviously, coaching takes higher priority here, since i'm less dispensable there. not to mention the payment factor. no-showing for a paying job is not good. so, yes. looks like i miss out this time. well, other opportunities will surface eventually.

teaching the kids has been kind of...unexciting. thank goodness the class size has been small so far (apparently, some of them forgot about holiday training), so they don't get that restless. we're predicting a higher turnout next week, though the people cap has been set at 20. that's good, because to put it bluntly, the weaker/noisier kids won't be around to derail our focus on the team. believe me, the team players need as little distraction as possible. as it is, they're pretty good at distracting themselves.

one thing i realize when coaching is that kids generally seem to lack discipline. coming from me, that sounds rather hypocritical, because anyone who knows me well enough will attest to my own discipline shortage. let me clarify...i don't demand that they behave like they're in the army. i don't even expect them to be stone-faced all the way through training. jokes and light-hearted moments are fine (and sometimes even encouraged), provided that the subsequent laughter doesn't last too long, and everyone quickly regroups and focuses back on training. given that i'm dealing with primary school kids, that might be a bit too much to ask for. or maybe i should say "attitude" instead. some of them are just not serious enough! one kid, in particular, seems to think that training is play time. while i'm all for having fun during training, i'm even more for having the proper attitude and learning something within those 2 hours. hopefully his attitude improves, because he's actually a pretty decent bowler when he's not fooling around.

coaching was reasonably easy, which is more than i can say for lab. it was supposed to be stress-free, but stress naturally happens when experiments don't work out. both of the higher-level experiments i tried failed. by "higher-level", i mean international olympiad standard. then again, it's possible that the lab manual wasn't exactly accurate, since it was translated from japanese. we suspect that some colours and procedures were messed up in the translation process. i can't believe that 3ml of liquid didn't evaporate over 2 days! and just imagine: the representatives are supposed to carry out a similar experiment in 3 hours. all i can say is, good luck to them. thankfully, my lab skills are sufficient to successfully carry out an experiment meant for the incoming year 1s. didn't complete it due to time constraints, but my readings were more or less reasonable.

unfortunately, going to the labs just made me remember how troublesome it is to take public transport. as a result, i've been browsing around second-hand car websites, looking for a good enough deal to re-introduce the idea of getting a car. so far, research reveals that second-hand car prices are going down. some aveo5s are going for $21888, which i think might just sway my dad's decision. we'll see how things so tonight.

despite the numerous work engagements, there was still time for relaxation, like when a couple of friends and i went to watch the karate kid yesterday. it was pretty good, with references to the original movie. personally, i think it was different enough to warrant a title change. perhaps the kung-fu kid instead? anyway, the action sequences were great, and i must say, they cast the villains really well. in particular, i like the references to the original, like "wax on, wax off" and the crane stance, to name the two that i remember. for some reason, i still prefer the original movie. not that i don't like this one; i just like the original more. but it's worth a watch, especially if you've seen the original. question is, should the juniors choose to watch it next tuesday, would i watch it again? i'm not sure, but i have 4 days to make up my mind. besides, they may end up watching something else instead.

so...my holidays are just about half-over. true to expectation, i haven't been doing much. i almost don't want the new semester to start; slacking at home (with the occasional coaching or tuition assignment) has become kind of addictive. must readjust mentality soon.

now that the busy week is over, i have to get ready for...another busier week. but before that, it's the usual routine of training and tuition for saturday and sunday. after that, there's coaching for all 5 days (as mentioned earlier), tuition on monday, sec 4/J2 farewell on tuesday, training on wednesday (i think). in between all those, i still must find time to reorganize and pack my stuff. granted, that should have been done today, but procrastination (and writing this post) got in the way. well, it's not like i'm pressed for time or anything, just that i want to do it ASAP. which reminds me. i have to buy some files for this past semester's notes.

-random thought of the day: I have healthy sleeping hours!-

For once, i want to blog just for the sake of blogging. i don't have anything interesting/urgent to blog about now, and yet, the urge to blog still hit me. so, let's just follow my train of thought and see what comes up.

the first thing that comes to mind is cars and driving. understandable, since i just drove home from giving tuition about half an hour ago. i want a car, especially when my car-usage forecast clashes with my dad's. note: it's "want", not "need". unlike most guys, i'm not really all that into cars. sure, i know about just enough to get by where cars are concerned, and i can appreciate the beauty of the higher-end super-expensive models (though i think some of them are overly done-up). but i'm not car-crazy like some of my friends. i don't need (nor do i want) to drive a porsche or a BMW on a daily basis. maybe just one drive for the experience, and that's it. but for normal routine life, i'm not all that picky. all i need is something to get me from point A to B in a reasonable amount of time.

having said that, though, that doesn't mean that i have absolutely no minimum standards. for instance, i wouldn't drive a proton or chery. maybe it's brand reputation, but i would stick to japanese or european cars. even then, the preference is for japanese due to the higher fuel economy (though i admittedly have a soft spot for the chevrolet aveo5). but i'd be happy with almost anything that looks fairly decent, is sturdy and easy to maintain, and gets good mileage. one thing still bugs me, though...the decision between manual or automatic transmission. as i've mentioned several times previously, i like to be involved in driving, so my first instinct is to go manual. but, there's bound to be times where i'm tired and just want to have a nice, easy drive, which automatic is better suited for. so...it's a tough decision. more on that later.

right now, i'd have to say that cost is the most important factor. not just the cost of the vehicle, mind you, but all the hidden costs as well. road tax, season parking, insurance, parking coupons, servicing, petrol, and all that other stuff. there's most likely no chance that i'll be able to support the car 100% on my own. after crunching some numbers, all the costs work out to an average of about $500 per month, and this is assuming that the car's been fully paid for already! to make that amount, i'd have to get more regular tuition kids (and/or increase my rates) and do more coaching. given the erratic nature of both these jobs, it's really hard to predict the income for any given month, especially during holiday season. so, as much as i am reluctant to do it, it looks like i'll have to get some assistance from my parents at least until i graduate. of course, there's the option of going for an off-peak car (aka. ang chia pai, or red license plate). while there's substantial savings on road tax, that's offset by the times when i have to use the car during peak hours, like when driving to CJC for weekday training. assuming that training's on for 40 weekdays per year, the total amount spent on day permits would be double that of the annual road tax for a normal car. and let's not forget the hassle of waking up early to keep within the permissible driving times of 7:00pm to 7:00am. so, all things considered, no.

next question: when? as you may recall, i broached the topic with my dad sometime in march/april, and nothing concrete came out of that discussion. that's both good and bad, in the sense that while no positive signs have been given, there have been no negative signs either. so, it could still go both ways. as of now, i'm rather hesitant to bring the topic up again. maybe i should wait until october, when the p-plates come off. i believe the insurance premium gets cheaper when that happens, too. maybe car prices will fall even further by then, or something new will come along and catch my eye. here's hoping for the best.

when i get my car (be it second-hand now or brand new when i've been working for a while), i promise to keep the mess to a minimum. the one thing i can't stand about driving the family car is that my dad has papers, forms, receipts, and all sorts of random stuff cluttering up the area. up till now, i don't understand how he can drive with white paper on the dashboard. the reflection it projects onto the windshield is severely disorienting and annoying (for me, at least). compared to his car, mine will be positively spartan. all books/notes/random stuff will be in the back, possibly in boxes. hmm...idea.

before i move on to talk about driving, let me run this statement by you, "i'd exercise more if i had a car." oxymoronic as it sounds, i personally think that there's some logic in it. look at it this way: after school, i can use the university's sports facilities, then shower up and drive home, as opposed to taking public transport. after working out, the last thing i want to do is to get irritated by long waits for the bus and the un-smoothness of the journey. and even if the plan was to exercise after reaching home, the journey itself would have tired me out past caring about exercise already. makes sense?

so much for cars. now for driving. this coming tuesday is the 8-month anniversary of my passing the practical driving test. in these 8 months, i've been driving a fair bit, though i suppose it isn't often enough for me to progress as fast as i'd like. even now, i still have some issues with parking, as i can't seem to do a nice, one-time entry. though the family car is wider than is typical, i can't keep using that as an excuse. people can park MPVs in one entry, so i can definitely do better than what i'm doing now. on the bright side, i know the roads a little better, though i'm still getting lost on occasion. oh well. that just means i need to drive more!

my driving experience has been mostly fun, but there have been some rare occasions where i didn't enjoy myself behind the wheel. this mostly happens when i'm tired or stressed. i don't know...maybe it's because i haven't been driving for long enough to deal with the symptoms effectively. but at least there haven't been any major accidents (involving loss of life) due to me having an off-day, so that's good. after that bump with the van, there will never be such things again, either.

wow, that was a lot to talk about. next on the list: tuition. though A-levels was slightly less than 4 years ago, i think i'm becoming outdated. i mean, the kids are learning about entropy in J1! luckily, my university knowledge helped to tank some of the questions. recently, i've been getting the feeling that i'm not that good as a chem tutor. i mean, getting good results is one thing, but teaching people to understand the subject in the same way that you do is a whole different ball game. sometimes, i look at a question which the student has, and i think to myself, 'what a wonderful world...' 'why can't they do this? it's easy!' i suppose that's why they need tuition, and i have to constantly remind myself of that. i just hope that i don't leave anything important out when i'm teaching. it's just like coaching...some things that you take for granted are actually vital information that the student doesn't know. it's...tricky.

looks like i'm running out of steam already. about time, too. i think this is one of the longest posts in recent history. let's wrap up with the outlook for the coming week. busy, busy, busy. coaching on monday, wednesday and friday, and lab every day of the week. for once in my university life, lab sessions won't be accompanied by reports! i intend to make full use of the opportunity to mess around in the lab without the stress of coming up with 6 pages of scientific-sounding stuff. good thing that there's no weekday training this week, so i don't miss out on any grading lessons. since i have to get up at 7:15 tomorrow morning, i'm going to call it an early night tonight. now, i just have to find some way to entertain myself until bedtime.

-random thought of the day: Car!-

Despite spending 12 years being educated in various christian/catholic schools, i'm not religious. i mean, i believe that some sort of higher power(s) exist(s), but i just don't believe IN it/them. to be honest, most christians' evangelical behaviour annoys me. sadly, one of my aunts is slowly becoming one of those hardcore christians, who hangs the name "jesus" at the corner of her mouth (to badly translate a figure of speech from dialect to english). or maybe i shouldn't use "sadly", because that implies negativity. either way, i'm mildly worried that she'll start asking me to join her in church. not that i mind that, but i'll have serious objections if she starts trying to use strong methods to convert me. but failing that, i guess i'm happy for her, because she's finding lots of fulfillment in religion.

now, why did i suddenly bring this up? it's because i went to visit that injured judo junior today. about 6 weeks has passed since he received that injury, and he's recovering nicely. comparing now and when he was first warded, there's a world of difference. i suppose his faith (he's catholic) helped to see him through as well. i hope the rest of the recovery process will go just as smoothly, if not smoother. i'll probably arrange to bring a few of the other judo juniors down to see him over the weekend...i think that would cheer him up.

this aside, there's not much else to say. after all, how much can happen in a relatively uneventful 24 hours? like i said last post, there's training and a grading syllabus lesson tomorrow. sometime during the weekend, i'll also have to visit the hospital again, but with juniors in tow this time. not sure if sunday will be used for tuition or not, though i doubt there will be anything, seeing as it's the holidays and all.

-random thought of the day: I've been automatically waking up before 10:00am every morning...-

SHINRA TENSEI.

for the non-naruto watchers, that's a lame joke/reference about how i'm pushing non-happy stuff down again. after some sleep and more thinking, it doesn't seem that bad. amazing how fatigue can distort your thought and judgement processes. but well, things appear to be more or less neutral, though i may find out that that's not so come saturday.

let's see...about 3 days have passed since the last update, and honestly, not much has happened. spent most of tuesday in bed, recovering from the training camp. went for training again yesterday, where we did grading syllabus. i still feel shaky on some of the stuff for my upcoming grading (it's 3 saturdays away), but i figure that most of the doubts will be ironed out during this coming saturday's training. since this grading's centralized, i have to make sure that i'm solid on everything. aside from my own learning, i went to help teach the juniors their syllabus/syllabuses/syllabi(?) too. even with coaching experience, i realize that it's incredibly easy to forget to highlight some points of note for certain movements. i mean, the seniors have been training for long enough that doing something like keeping all fingers together when breakfalling is second nature. it does get vexing when we see that the juniors don't do it, and even more so when we realize that we forgot to tell them about it. but still, they seem to be progressing ok. have to check their retention rate on saturday though, just to make sure.

teaching the genius girl is proving to be easy. that's to be expected, considering how bright she is. similar to the judo juniors, i think i may be going over stuff too briefly. but well, she's hardworking enough to work things out on her own, so that's less stress for me, too. i just wonder when i'm going to run out of stuff to teach.

the next two weeks look kind of busy. holiday coaching is starting, which means more $$. i'm also thinking of going down to NUS to help with the chem olympiad. no $$ there, sadly, but at least there'll be learning experience. thank goodness weekday training's stopped for a while, so things will be a bit more flexible. just have to see how the other tuition kids will fit in (if at all) into all of this.

-random thought of the day: Alt + Numpad 3 = ♥.-