Peace and quiet are things which i need to blog effectively. that's why i passed on going to my cousin's place tonight in favour of completing my end-of-year post in the solitude of an empty house. better make good use of the remaining 2 hours or so of alone time that i have.

as usual, i'm starting with my theme. on my east coast walk 2 days ago, the word "awakening" came to mind, and it's been persistently stuck there ever since. while i'm sure that there are better ways to sum up my year, this isn't too bad. so...why awakening? to borrow an army phrase, i guess i kind of woke up my idea, and started working harder. the strongest piece of evidence for this is my CAP. i am extremely pleased that my screw-up from year 1 sem 2 is almost neutralized (though it took 3 semesters), and i still have a chance for second-upper.

minor digression to talk about my east coast walk — it was productive. managed to get a fair bit of thinking in, which is really the only objective i have. skipped rocks across the water surface, too. got a few rocks to skip about 5 times, so that was kind of a cheap thrill. in addition, i also took a short walk around the marine parade estate. in case i haven't mentioned it before, marine parade holds a special place in my heart as well, because i spent about 1/6 of my life so far there. if i ever had to move out of bishan, marine parade would be my first choice.

but anyway, walking around a small portion of marine parade (close to my cousin's place) was a nice, nostalgic experience. for some reason, marine parade gives me a sense of tranquillity. people seem more friendly and it's just generally more laid back. maybe it's because of the proximity to the beach? or just the different population composition of the residents there. or maybe it's the architecture. old shophouses still exist there, so it looks less modernized, i guess. whatever it may be, i'm happy that it's a place that allows me to relax. maybe i should move there for retirement.

back to the main story...looking back at my new year's resolutions, i have mixed feelings. while i have accomplished a majority of them, the ones that i didn't manage to fulfil are kind of bugging me. i guess it's a relative magnitude thing, but i'll come to that soon.

on the beach, i asked myself this question, "which events from this year will i remember in 5 years' time?" only 2 came to mind, and oddly (perhaps appropriately) enough, one is good and the other is bad. the good one is getting my black belt, which is memorable for obvious reasons. you should know what the bad thing is if you've been reading this for the past year or so. if you haven't been reading, or can't remember, it's the accident that i got into in february. even though the police only gave me a warning, there are still negative bits. while i can't erase that accident, i can prevent myself from causing future ones.

do i have any other regrets this year? sadly, yes. even though i've taken the ES module, my communication skills still leave much to be desired. that's largely due to my tendency to clam up when faced with awkward situations, especially if i am not obligated to give the other person an explanation. it's different if a professor or my UROPS boss asks me to account for something, because it's my responsibility to explain my actions to them. guess that's something that i have to improve on next year, and fix by the time i graduate. it's already cost me a friendship which i treasure(d), and i really don't want more casualties because of it.

all in all, this has been a pretty good year. there have been many learning experiences, both in and out of school. i'm grateful for the many opportunities to bond with the chem kids, as well as with old friends who still matter. think i'm going to stop rating years, because i suddenly don't see much point in it any more. i figure that if the year was good, that's good enough for me.

what you see above has taken me about 100 minutes to type, which means it's about 11:35pm now. guess i'll stay awake a little longer to welcome the new year. as is tradition, look out for the new year post, and i'll see you all again in 2012.

-random thought of the day: Must do questionnaire.-

Feels like i'm long overdue for a good, complete soul-searching session. not really surprising, since the year is drawing to a close, and i still haven't made my annual east coast pilgrimage. but anyway, one of my friends' facebook links led to to this site, which is basically a self-help website. there are a couple of questionnaires from there which i will do sometime in the future (probably one as the next post, and another longer one which will be kept for later).

from that site, i then linked to MMT, which follows the format of FML. only difference is that the stuff posted there is...how do i describe it? thought-provoking. yes; that's what i was looking for. so far i've came across love stories, acts of kindness, people overcoming the odds, reminiscing about deceased loved ones, role models, and more. reluctant as i am to admit it, i found myself tearing up at most of the stories. in fact, i'm quite sure i would have cried by now if i was living alone and nobody could witness my unmanliness. not sure why this is happening, though...could be because it's late and i'm tired, or there might be other underlying psychological reasons. ah whatever.

the other thing that i've found myself thinking is, 'i wish i could have a/an MMT moment'. like, experiencing the same kind of kindness from strangers, or having someone special to love in the same way. but this is singapore, after all, so i'm not going to get my hopes up too high. seriously think i'm too tired. normal me probably would probably not have spared a second thought for something like this.

anyway, the reason why i'm still awake at this ungodly hour is because i'm bidding for those earphones on ebay, and the auction closes at 6:12am. damned time zone differences. seems like i have a pretty good chance of getting the earphones, though i hope i'm not outbid at the last minute. in the event that i am outbid, there is a backup plan, which is to buy directly from another seller, avoiding the hassle of another auction. somehow, i don't really like ebay that much. the element of uncertainty in an auction may be thrilling to some, but it's just a bother to me. and now that i have had to put my maximum bid up, i guess i can go to sleep and wait for results in the morning. maybe some sleep will snap me out of this odd, needy mood.

-random thought of the day: Renamed all my UROPS reading material. Hey, it's a start!-

Writing and sending out all my christmas cards today made me feel accomplished/productive. this year, i sent 10, which is the same as last year. would have sent more, especially to the chem kids, but i didn't have their mailing addresses. anyway, writing christmas cards seems kind of irrelevant, really. i'm almost tempted to stop this tradition. well, we'll see how i feel next year, and if my address list shrinks any further.

while walking down to buy stamps and mail the cards, i stopped by the apple retailer at J8. turns out that they stock the earphones that i had my eye on, so i don't have to go down all the way to city hall. only issue is they cost $220. but thanks to some random internet browsing, i saw the same earphones going for USD88. including shipping, that's about USD124, which is still cheaper than what i'd pay if i bought it at the store. it's so tempting to just approve the order now! you know, that's what i think i shall do...to reward myself for this semester, and as a sort-of christmas present.

that aside, i've still got some errands to do...mainly east coast (probably this weekend or next week), and a bit more cleaning up. but no rush...all's good if i get those things done before the year ends. more urgent matters include reading papers and compiling a bibliography (for UROPS), and possibly a few meetings with friends who are back for the holidays. seems like the rest of 2011 will go by pretty quickly.

-random thought of the day: Paper toss is mildly annoying.-

*Minor update: one day later, 10:51pm*
turns out amazon doesn't ship those earphones to singapore...which is both good and bad. bad is obvious — i have to find alternative sources. good is a little counter-intuitive at first, but it's because between yesterday and today, the price went up by USD10 or so. if i had been able to ship them, i would have kicked myself because the one-day delay when i was making up my mind would have cost me more money.

so, i'm exploring 2 alternatives now. one is i buy them off ebay. problem is that i don't trust the people there 100%. but so far, all the sellers have 100% reputations, so i suppose that's a small measure of relief. the other alternative is to see if my cousin can get it in australia, then have him buy it first and bring it back when he comes back in mid-january, at which point i will pay him. oh! i just thought of another idea. one of my friends is in the US, studying music. i can get amazon to ship it to his place there (free shipping within the US), and he can then ship it to me, the costs of which i'll bear, of course. we'll see how things go. if my ebay auction doesn't work out, then i'll see what price my cousin can get it for. if he can't get it, or if it's too expensive, then i'll ask my friend when he goes back to the US in a couple of weeks.

nothing productive happened today...just bummed around reading comics. lucky i remembered to renew my outstanding loans, and avoided a fine. speaking of fines, i should probably pay mine off tomorrow, after tuition. which now leads me to wonder...what will i do with the kids? ahh...i'll figure something out tomorrow. better catch an early night so i'm up early enough tomorrow. with the trains going all screwy, i'd rather drive. hope the car's available.

NUS is seriously weird. the reason i say this is because of my results this past semester. after looking at my results SMS, i was quite literally gaping in disbelief. as stunning as it may be to you, my A- average mission succeeded. here's the breakdown:

CM3221 (A-)
this is the one i find the weirdest. i didn't do that well for the finals (didn't deduce a fused-ring system, and my synthesis part wasn't perfect, either), and yet, an A-!?? just imagine what my grade would be if i had deduced the fused-ring! there are 2 possible explanations for this grade: i had a really good CA score, or other people messed up the final more than i did. whatever it may be, i'm happy about this grade, because it's a plus point for organic synthesis.

CM3292 (A-)
once again, i'm betting that others screwed the final up more than me (though i must admit, that itself is a feat, considering i left 4 questions blank). guessed my lab report component saved me as well.

CM3242 (B+)
considering i skipped half (or more) of the lectures, this is pretty decent. now i'm kicking myself for making idiotic mistakes in the final, because an A- would not have been out of reach otherwise.

EC1301 (A-)
with such a large and varied cohort, there really was no way to predict results for this module. thank goodness my mid-term scored well, as that helped to tank some damage from the final. now, truly, no more econs, ever.

LAJ1201 (A+)
this is only my second A+ in NUS after 5 semesters. i'm grateful that the CA was worth 70% of the final grade. language modules definitely require consistent work.

overall CAP: 3.98

now do you see why i was so stunned? this is my best set of results in 5 semesters of study in NUS. it's good motivation, too, because i still have a fighting chance for second-upper. and thankfully, this somewhat lowers the bar next semester...though i would want to maintain the A- average mission to have some safety barrier/buffer in year 4.

going back to the first paragraph, NUS is weird in the sense that finals performance is usually not reflective of your grade. this semester alone, there have already been 2 exams which exemplify that. and thanks to that fact, i now owe some of the chem kids a meal. oh well...with this kind of results, i'm more than happy to pay.

there are only about 10 days left in 2011, which makes my schedule kind of tight. in those 10 days, i have to write my christmas cards, go to east coast, and possibly shop for a pair of earphones. originally, i had also wanted to just go for a walk along orchard road to look at the christmas lights, but with the MRT in its current state, i'm having second thoughts about that. still, i might go, if i can plan a route by bus or something like that. amidst all that, i have to set time aside for reading journal papers for my UROPS project. seems like i have to practise more time management. and to think it's still the holidays. bleh.

-random thought of the day: Need to get out of the house more...-

Reflecting on things tends to make me unhappy, or at least pensive/brooding. with december being the month of reflections for me, i guess you can see why i'm not at my cheeriest at this time of the year. nevertheless, there have been several events happening over the past few days to keep my spirits up, which is a good thing.

previously, i told you all that i got an iphone 4s. after playing with it for about a week, i'm happy to say that (1) there have been no accidents so far, and (2) i really like it. calling and messaging are easy, and i have yet to be embarrassed by atuocorrect. internet is fast on both 3G and wi-fi connections, and apps exist to circumvent most of the problems i've faced so far. sad thing is that some of the apps i want aren't free, so i'll have to see when's a good time to get them. siri, surprisingly, has been quite (~80%) accurate in recognizing my speech. impressive, considering i don't have an ang moh accent. while it is smart, i'm a little annoyed that it can't do some things the way i would like. but that would be a bonus already. after all, i can manually do those things to my liking if there's an urgent need.

so far, the one thing i am mildly unhappy about is that the battery drains a little fast. a full charge lasts me less than 2 days. but considering i use email, facebook, games, siri, and some other random apps, i suppose it's reasonable. and i wish we could set snooze times, too. but it's a minor problem again. if there's no snooze, use multiple alarms!

yesterday, i met some of the chem kids for dinner at vivocity. we ate at modesto's, where there was a promotion. $9.95 for selected items if you have the discount card. i tried this spinach cannelloni thing (at least i think that's what it was called)...basically spinach wrapped/rolled up in pasta rectangles with white sauce. i'm so tempted to recreate it. only thing stopping me is my lack of an oven to finish the dish off. maybe i can use a different cooking method or something? only experimentation will tell.

before going to vivocity, i was in school to buy microsoft office. i had to make the purchase before 4:30pm, while dinner was scheduled for about 7:00pm. NUS is, at most, half an hour from vivocity by train. see the problem yet? if you don't, i got to vivocity about 2 hours early. so, i killed 2 hours by walking around. managed to cover the entire mall in that time. the pet shop, daiso, tangs, toys-r-us, and the sky park thing were among the more memorable locations.

at the pet shop, i stopped to look at the puppies for sale. every time i do that, it just makes the desire to get one so much stronger. but common sense still wins at the end of the day. at present, i can't give it a fulfilling, meaningful life. so no point getting one now. it has made me think about what kind of dog i'd want, though. at present, i know small dogs like chihuahuas are out. there was this medium-sized type of dog which i thought was pretty cute. too bad i can't remember its name, though i seem to recall a spaniel of some sort. in general, i favour wolf-like dogs. they just look so nice! but enough about that for now.

visiting daiso made me feel accomplished, because i managed to read the katakana for a great number of products. so now i'm a little less clueless, and can make slightly more intelligent guesses as to what weird-looking products' actual functions are. that one trip just highlighted the relevance of taking japanese 1.

walking around the open park thing on the mall's roof made me get all philosophical. maybe it was also because of the timing. the sun was setting and as i've said before, i tend to do most of my thinking at sunrise/sunset. i remember thinking of a great many things, most of which i have forgotten, and will only recall sometime into the future. the one thought i remember having was, 'i'd like to be immortal'. not necessarily with other strengths or vulnerabilities, but just to not die. resisting all illnesses, recovering from all wounds. kind of like the mummy in Anne Rice's book. i think it would be fun to watch the world evolve for a couple of centuries.

that leads me to another thought. in all the stories i've read, immortal characters (or characters with a long lifespan) seem to be much richer than the people with normal lifespans. i guess it's because the former have more years to accumulate their wealth, and even if they were poor, the poverty wouldn't kill them. just a random tangent.

coming back to the main story, my trip to tangs actually comprises of 2 locations. first was this little (relative to the main store) area selling christmas-y stuff, then the main store itself. at the christmas shop, i managed to buy this year's christmas cards. the front depicts a brightly-lit christmas tree in a dark, snowy landscape. it's a bit hard to explain, and i know i didn't get all of the details. well, you'll see for yourself if you receive one this year. P.S. for people i know in real life, you might want to consider emailing me your mailing address. just saying.

as for the main tangs store, i went to check their cooking supplies out. maybe it's because it's tangs, but prices were way too high! i can understand a knife set costing upwards of $200, because they have to be forged, hardened, and all that other labour/machinery-intensive stuff. but why should a whisk cost about $30? compare to a similar product from NTUC, which goes for about $5. i probably wouldn't buy a $30 whisk, unless it had a 120rpm motor attached. even then, i think i'd buy knives from tangs when i move out and live alone. they actually feel pretty comfortable. and i saw the coolest storage block for knives. you know how the normal ones just have small slots to fit the knives? the one i liked has large slots which are filled with many thin plastic rods. think it's not as bad for the knife edge. so cool!

my friend also passed me his japanese 2 textbooks at the dinner. so far, i've casually glanced through them. that casual glance was already enough to intimidate me. i wonder if i'm being a little crazy, taking level 2 language in the same semester as UROPS...whatever the case, i should survive.

today, i went to meet a couple of prospective tuition kids. it's the first time i've been asked to give group tuition, so it'll take some getting used to. the weird thing is that the kids are at different academic levels. one of them is sec 3 going on sec 4, while the other is sec 4 going on J1. based on first impressions, i think the younger kid will be ok. he just needs some pushing in the right direction. but the older kid is a bit more problematic. in our conversation, i found out that he has no interest in the subject, and may not even take it up when he goes to J1 next year. so, the tentative plan is for me to see if i can rekindle his interest over this holiday. if it was entirely up to me, though, i probably wouldn't take him. but we'll see how things go.

lastly, my to-do list. i've got the cards, so that's one thing down. still have to go to east coast, and do area cleaning. the latter will be done tomorrow, but i don't know when i'll do the former. depends on several variables, mood being one of them as well. in the near future, i have to finish reading my library books, and depending on when the UROPS starts, maybe go back to school. good that there are things to keep me busy, otherwise i end up thinking about (someone), thinking bout me; thinkin bout us (us), what we gonna be? too much and making myself sad. but right now, i suppose i should get some sleep. for some reason, i've been sleeping about 8 hours every night, and i still feel lethargic halfway into the day. odd.

-random thought of the day: Feeling mildly unsettled.-

UROPS next semester seems to be confirmed, after yesterday's meeting with my prospective supervisor. on first impressions, he has quite high expectations. to him, a B+ is "not very good". so...it may be challenging. other than that, i feel that he's a nice guy. and as a plus point, he cares about his students. not to mention that he seems approachable, and appears to be, in general, what i'd imagine the ideal supervisor to be. oddly enough, that actually worries me. you see, i've heard some graduate student friends say that some professors will promise you anything just so you join their lab. and after you sign on the line, things change...like those countless jokes about trying heaven and hell out before making a choice. the other scary thing is that the project is kind of intimidating. i get the idea behind it, but the implementation sounds tricky at the moment. maybe it's because i don't know the full details yet. anyway, should the project not work *touch wood*, i'm told that there are backups.

now that UROPS factors into my planning, this means that i can do 2 things...(1) take a core, a lab, UROPS, and 2 electives (normal workload), or (2) take 2 cores, a lab, UROPS, and 1 elective. the latter option is tempting, because i already know what my elective will be (japanese 2). so, i don't have to stress about filling in that last slot. but if i take four level 3 chem modules, i'll probably be swamped. and of course, i have to choose between my chem cores (which admittedly, is easier than choosing electives). right now, i'm set on organic reaction mechanisms, which leaves either transition metals or biomolecules for the other core. i'm more inclined towards transition metals, because i hear the professor's good. but this coming semester, biomolecules will be taught by a visiting professor instead of the regular lecturer, so the decision's tough. personally, i'm more inclined to transition metals, since i generally shy away from all things bio. but, one of my friends tells me that the content covered in biomolecules is important for an organic chemist. decisions, decisions. i'll worry about it in about 18 days' time when CORS bidding starts.

other than meeting with the professor, the other major thing which happened yesterday was that a few of us went to crash another JC classmate's chalet, which was this pretty ulu place in changi with a LOT of mosquitoes. the food was good for a barbeque! i was particularly impressed they they made their own otah, which were nice. played a bit of mahjong, too. no money involved, which is good, considering my current financial situation.

since my dad went to someplace in china for a business trip, i have had the car since yesterday, and will have it up till this sunday. so, i picked up a few of the people who were going, since it was on the way. i was shocked that one of my friends is quite a backseat driver! normally, i get along pretty well with him, but i was severely annoyed during the car ride. to draw an analogy, it's kind of like how you can work with some people but not like them, only opposite. i like him well enough, but i somehow don't foresee that we can put up with each other for extended periods of time, especially in a small enclosure like a car.

i also did some cleaning up...of my facebook account, that is. going through my friends list, i used a very simple selection rule: i deleted the people whose comments i wouldn't feel comfortable replying to. reason is that if i feel sufficiently alienated to not even be able to communicate through facebook comments, then we're too far gone. as a result, my friends list shrunk by about 20 friends (or ex-friends by now). my MSN contacts will probably undergo something similar soon.

when i was younger, my parents used to tell me, "nobody owes you a living". after some thought, i found it to be ironic. my revelation was that anyone can tell you that, EXCEPT your parents! simple reason being that they kind of forced you into the world, so if anyone owes you anything in your life, it's them. this has also made me resolve not to have kids of my own. i figure that i should practise what i preach and not give any future kids ammo with which to to shoot me back.

now more than ever, i've become disillusioned about the concept of marriage. but i think i'll elaborate on that later, when my thoughts on the subject are more organized. in addition to that, i also want to blog about google/gmail accounts, IVP and refereeing, as well as a bit on the iphone.

meanwhile, i have to sleep. i think i lazed in bed too long today, and am feeling lethargic as a result. hopefully i'll recharge in time to be fresh tomorrow morning. there's the 7th anniversary happening at turf city, and i have to be there.

-random thought of the day: Kind of upset right now.-

Marathon runners never fail to amaze me. i don't see the attraction in running excessively long distances. maybe once, for the experience, sure, but i know people who do it on a yearly (or even more frequent) basis! crazy, i call them. as for me, there are no plans to run a marathon in the foreseeable future, but i should think that i'd like to try it once in my lifetime.

anyway, compared to the last post, i am a happier, but poorer, person. since this post is going to be quite substantial (and given my dislike for typing on laptops), the inference is that i've got my desktop up and running again! well, more like bought new parts and rebuilt a computer. even though i only bought parts, they still ended up costing me close to $1100, which means that there's just barely enough money in my account to meet my absolute minimum. the main difference between this time and 3 years ago is that i've gone for something slightly higher-end, with more RAM, and faster processing speed. so far, it runs like a dream. here's hoping that this one'll last for longer than the previous one!

also, i jumped onto the apple bandwagon and got an iphone 4s. it's still charging, so i haven't really been playing around with it yet. so far, it's been easy enough to set up. the most bothersome thing about changing phones is that i'll have to key in the individual contacts manually since there's no feasible way to transfer everything without messing anything up. still, it's ok. i'm mentally prepared for it. finally can say goodbye to the omnia.

since i'm redoing my contacts, i thought that it would be a good time for me to do some cleaning up, like deleting people whom i don't really talk to any more, or whose numbers i would rather not see. guess it's just me trying to let go of things in a more tangible way.

an interesting dilemma has surfaced. in the past 2 weeks, a professor has sent out invitations to apply for a UROPS project, and i'm interested in doing one for the research experience. the issue is that if i do do a UROPS, my workload for next semester will probably be 4 level 3 modules and level 2 japanese, unless i find an elective to replace one of the cores. of course, i may not even be accepted into UROPS, like last semester. at least this time, the professor was nice enough to reply and set up a meeting. we'll see how things go, i guess.

tomorrow, i'll be going back to CJC training for the first time in...4 months or so. as an added bonus, i get to pick up my IJF 1st dan certificate! going to take things easy, especially since my left knee has been hurting for the past 2 weeks. don't know why, either. the most strenuous thing i've done in that period of time is to take a slow climb up the stairs. i suppose i'll ask my physiotherapist-in-training friend to take a look at it.

december break is a short one (oh, how things have changed from secondary school/JC), but there are still quite a lot of things i want to get done. like my annual east coast trip, buying a few iphone accessories, christmas cards, and tidying up my area. at least that's all i remember at the moment. oh! have to get rubber tubes too. keep forgetting. well, i'm off to start the process of copying all my contacts into the iphone. hopefully that won't keep me up too long, in view of training tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: So messy.-

Post-exam plans have been set into motion, and that's kind of exciting. the most immediate things that come to mind are getting a new phone and new computer. before that, though, i'll just mention IA to wrap up the exam series.

the exam was easy. too easy. i'm kind of upset with myself for making at least 3 careless mistakes, but i'm also happy that the help sheet i wrote did come in handy, after all. one thing for sure, though, the curve is going to be severely messed up. predictions: econs B+/A-, japanese A-/A, lab B+/A-, organic B/B+, IA B/B+.

now, i just went to nex today to do my research. it's about 99% certain that i'm getting the iphone 4s, with cheapest plan. i'll have to pay $200 to recontract, and my dad has enough points to redeem a $100 voucher. all in all, that means that i'm paying $598 upfront, plus $38 every month. just hope that they have stock when i go to confirm it.

as for computer, i'm expecting less damage since i managed to salvage a fair few parts from the old system. seems like i mainly need a new housing, processor, and motherboard, as well as maybe some miscellaneous parts. hoping that i can get everything for under $600, since it suddenly appears that i'm paying for the iphone by myself as well. whatever the case, i have to get it fixed up soon. one desktop-less day is one less day spent on gaming.

-random thought of the day: Sleepy.-