No progress from the previous post as far as thesis goes, but i've got progress in a couple of different areas, namely some lab work, and the paper. just did a couple of simple reactions over the last few days, and my professor agreed to resubmit the paper to a different journal. sure, the impact factor is lower, but at this point i feel that any publication will do. after confiding in my friend from the neighbouring lab group about my fears of being unable to graduate, he told me that it's a sure pass as long as there's at least one peer-reviewed publication. while i don't know how reliable that info is, at least it sounds doable. i'm reformatting the manuscript now, so with luck, it will either be accepted or still be under review by the time thesis submission comes about, which will look better for me on paper. and if it ends up being rejected again...well...let's cross that bridge if we get there.

my friend is having his defense tomorrow. considering that he submitted his thesis around late last august, it's taken just about 5 months. that means there is an extremely high chance that the plan for me to commence together with the other chemistry guys won't work out. assuming that the timeline is similar, submission by late march would mean a defense date of around august, which is already after this year's round of commencements (typically taking place in july). i suppose i could submit a little earlier, and/or ask the nice department staff to push things along, but no matter how i look at it, the timeframe is really tight. somehow, i can't help but feel a little envious of my friend. but that's not a productive thought, so let's forget it. naturally, i'll be there to support him, and i think he'll do great.

kurash is seeing some significant progress! we're scheduled to have our first training session this coming saturday, and there are a few more significant events in the pipeline over the next few months. i'm excited, because we've got good support and everything seems to be working well. at this rate, as much as i hate to admit it, kurash will soon overtake judo on my priority list. they're kind of equal now, but as events from recent posts would indicate, there's severe lack of opportunities for judo in singapore, especially considering that we're aiming to take off on our own path. well...let's just see how things unfold. we're not really pressed for time, after all. there's a chinese proverb that goes something like "a gentleman can bide his time for 10 years (to take revenge), but even one night feels long to a despicable man". it's not exact, but i think i got the essence in the translation. i do have a few more avenues to explore before i totally surrender, so let's keep the faith that something will turn up.

event forecast for the next month or so...my professor is going overseas for about 2 weeks, so i hope that i can have everything ready for him to initiate the submission process before he flies. broad goal for february is to have both chapter 3 and the intro for chapter 4 completed by the 10th. CNY is in another 3-ish weeks, and i foresee myself working through that period. not unexpected. this saturday is shaping up to be busy, because i was mildly forgetful and booked myself almost back-to-back. thank goodness that there aren't any clashes. as it is, i'll be out of the house for almost 12 hours! i'm due to send two elders to the weekly turf city alumni gathering (which i'm beginning to attend here and there again), then there's an early CNY lunch with the extended family, followed by the aforementioned first kurash training session. reminder to self: don't eat too much during lunch. wouldn't do to puke in front of the students.

-random thought of the day: Prioritize experiments.-

Am slightly frustrated. the deal for judo fell through, which means that we're back to square one. yes, nothing was guaranteed in the first place, but my instinct tells me that the manager guy was not entirely upfront with us. key thing that gave it away: when i went down to talk to him, he said that he could make decisions as to what classes were to run in that branch. then later, he communicated to me that he had a talk with his boss, who vetoed the idea and said that they couldn't support judo. well...whatever. i did do some checking up on the overall compound (which is made up of many individual hut/house things), and it seems that the rental for each small house there is about $8000 a month. not cheap, but not ridiculous. unfortunately, we don't have that kind of money at present.

i know that money can't solve all problems. but it can solve MOST problems, and having lots of it sure as hell would make life a lot easier. i've often seen this quote. "it's true that money can't buy happiness, but i'd rather be crying in a mercedes than on a bicycle.". if only i could afford to rent, or even buy, a place where we could train! but enough of me lamenting about my financial situation. you've probably read enough of that in the last post.

just began talking to someone online earlier today. in a lot of ways, i am attracted to this person. but in almost as many ways, i'm put off. number one turn-off factor: this person smokes. well, i think we can be friends, but not much more. our ideas and expectations of a relationship differ too much, too. not to mention it seems that this person is a bit...self-centered? no, maybe that's not the right adjective. it's similar, but less harsh than that. maybe let's go with egoistic. one thing that draws me to this person is that they're rather open and easy to talk to. our philosophies on life and relationships are reasonably similar, too. the plan right now is to be friends and just stick to the status quo (i had a mild high school musical flashback typing that). either something happens, or it doesn't. while i am open to something more than friends (whatever that may be), i'm also not actively chasing it. on a similar topic, my malaysian person is either uninterested or oblivious. maybe even both.

before i forget, the lab people were checking up on astrological signs. apparently it's going to be a bad year for dragons. but CNY isn't even here yet, and i'm feeling it already. the year of the rooster (last year) was supposed to be good, but for most of us, it was rather average bordering on bad. guess these things can't really be trusted, after all. but they're fun to read sometimes. right, off to bed. got tuition tomorrow morning.

-random thought of the day: Maybe if good was average, bad will be good?-

Managed to get some more writing done. at the almost-end of week 4, progress stands at chapter 3: about 55%. chapter 4: 30%. overall: 77%. the number seems a bit high, so i hope i'm not subconsciously inflating it to make myself feel better. i still have to finish up the supporting info for chapter 3, as well as write up the reduction study. chapter 4's introduction is basically completed, with everything else left to go. also asked my postdoc to help read through my completed chapters, and i hope she won't think that they're rubbish.

as much as i hate to be cynical/distrustful/paranoid, i can't help but wonder if my professor isn't doing everything he can to help. yes, i know that that is not owed to me, and as long as he's not actively sabotaging me, i really don't have grounds to complain. somehow, it seems that he's bracing himself for my failure as well. i don't think he WANTS me to fail, considering that it wouldn't reflect well on him either, or maybe he doesn't care about how he's perceived by others. or like i said in the last post, maybe he wants me to expect the worst just in the off chance that it really happens, even though that chance is low. he did tell me that one student is going to (involuntarily) graduate with a master's, and i guess that that didn't happen to me (or hasn't happened yet) should be a small measure of comfort.

i wonder though, are things as bad as they currently appear? i've had seniors who had worse progress than mine for 3 years, but suddenly managed to publish and graduate. granted, that publication was in JACS, so it counts for something. i've had seniors who published consistently in small journals and graduated smoothly, which i suppose is the second-best option, right after having all big publications. i also know of people who graduated without publishing anything. am i trying to make myself feel better? probably. not sure how well it's working though. i guess i'll just have to push the negativity out of my head as best as i can, and keep working towards the goal.

to be very honest, i've not really though about what happens if i fail. on one hand, i'm more or less guaranteed a master's, which puts me in better standing than i was as compared to when i started the program. but on the other hand, a master's by research takes only about 1 or 2 years maximum. i've spent more than twice that amount of time, and to just end up with that same qualification if things don't go well seems ridiculous. to be fair, i was still earning money throughout that entire time (bar these 3 months), so it's not exactly wasted. but still! i could have done the JET program early, or perhaps done something else that interested me. all of a sudden, i'm beginning to think that taking over my head coach's company might be a viable future direction if this really ends badly. but again, in all honesty, i have never heard of anyone failing thesis defense in NUS chemistry. not that i want to be the first, but that thought is somewhat comforting, i mean, that are the odds? it's also proportionally scarier, because there's a chance that i COULD be the first in recent history. i don't need that at all.

going back to first principles, what's all this really for? status, i suppose. and higher earning potential to be financially free. thankfully i'm not super materialistic, so financial freedom should come a little more easily to me. like, i'm not the kind to want to own big houses or fast cars. just give me a 3- or 4-room HDB flat (bedroom for me, study and/or guest room, kitchen, living room), or maybe a condo for some added atas-ness. car-wise, i'm happy with what i have. don't really feel any urge to upgrade both in terms of engine capacity and seating space. apart from enough money to maintain a house and a car, all i really want is enough to feed myself, and maybe have a little excess for an extravagant purchase once in a while. not extravagant like a plane, more like...having a super nice meal every few months, or buying a gadget that i'm interested in, or going overseas (within asia) once or twice a year. that doesn't sound too demanding, right? i do wonder though, would i still be so stressed about graduation if (like my cousin's friend,) i had made over $100 million from bitcoin? to be honest, i probably wouldn't care all that much about graduation, or working, for that matter. after all, i'd be set for life! instead, i'd probably spend my time getting fit, promoting judo and kurash in parallel, and travelling. a hundred million dollars...assuming airfare cost $1000 per trip on average, i'd have to fly every day for 100000 days (about 273 years) to exhaust all the funds. or let's calculate it another way. assuming i live to 100 years old, i'd have $1.4 million to spend per year, or just about $3900 per day for the remainder of my life. and that's not even counting any interest or investment returns that i may get. but the sad reality is that i don't have $100 million. while it's good to exercise the imagination now and then, perhaps effort is better spent making things work.

-random thought of the day: I wish I had a clear and correct understanding of the situation.-

"Bad" does not even begin to cover how i'm feeling now. today has the potential to be one of the top 3 worst days in 2018, and january isn't even over yet! while i'm no clairvoyant, i'm predicting that there could possibly only be one other day worse than today within this year. i'll tell you what that is later.

today is bad because i had a talk with my professor. i'd emailed him my 3 completed chapters last night, and i think that reminded him of the fact that i'm also due to submit soon. i outlined my planned thesis structure to him, and...he says it may not be good enough. not in a "you need to brush up on your english and word things better" way, but in a "there's a chance you might not pass" way. it's gutting, to say the least, and certainly not what i'd like to hear right now. i mean, there's nothing quite like your professor telling you that if he was asked to examine your thesis, he'd fail it. at least he was frank with me. and he did say that since we've got this far, he would give me support and let me defend it. to be honest, i'm hoping that this is one of those weird reverse-psychology semi-manipulation tricks to keep me motivated for the last stretch. i've heard that my professor can be somewhat tricky with things that he says, but so far i have no reason to distrust him and his judgement.

what happens now, then? i do the best i can to boost whatever results i have and make my current data more credible. basically, show convincingly that the concept works. apart from that, attempt to get a complex out. i need something substantial, and it's about 3.5 weeks to CNY. not sure if my plan to stop lab work by then will go through, but well...we do what we have to. if you haven't guessed by now, the only possible worse day this year than today would be on my defense, if the examiners fail me. my professor said he's 50-50 sure of a pass, so...the odds aren't great, but they're not terrible either. at least he thinks i stand a shot at defending my thesis.

i was just thinking that i could really use a hug right now. at the same time, i would be willing to bear the pain of 10 more breakups similar to my first one if it meant i could graduate without a hitch, 12 if i could win the best thesis award. does that mean i'm becoming happy with my single situation? possibly. or maybe the desperation to graduate is outweighing the desperation to be un-single. since i guess a hug won't be coming my way in the next 18 hours at least. i guess i'll just get in bed, hug my lovely stuffed animals, and sleep it off.

-random thought of the day: I need a new plan of action.-

Was just thinking about doors, and their metaphorical opening and closing. you know people say "when one door closes, another opens"? the more i think about it, the more i find it misleading. looking at it from a purely linguistic perspective, the proverb implies that this process is instantaneous, ie. door B opens immediately upon the closing of door A. i often find that to not be the case. sometimes, it takes a while before the other door opens, though i have to admit that the wait can be reduced if we put effort into searching for more doors with opening potential. and sometimes, the most unexpected doors will just open for you, as i will talk about later.

things are looking up again for judo. after the rejection from OCC, i chanced across a martial arts gym which didn't yet have a judo program, and went to talk to them yesterday. the manager was nice enough, and he seemed interested in the possibility of starting a judo class. now that initial contact has been made, i'm working on a proposal and we'll probably be meeting up again for further discussions/negotiations. reality check: nothing is solid yet. it also depends on how much interest is generated from their pool of students. we'll also have to bring in some students for them, so that's something else to consider. right now, i've put some feelers out, and we've got potentially 6 or 7 coaches and assistants willing to step in. exciting! but again, let's not get too excited until things firm up some more.

about unexpected doors. with this possible lead, i of course had to consult our head coach to determine the level of commitment and feasibility. after our chat, he kind of brought up that he's looking for a successor to take over his company, and he asked me to consider the possibility. to be honest, i have to say that i am intrigued, a little interested, but at the same time also more than a little apprehensive. no doubt that the foundation has already been laid out, and i will receive guidance and support from the old boss, which is something should allay most of my fears. but one major thinking point for me is that this company has absolutely ZERO relevance to my area of study. not just my area of research, my entire area of study for the past almost-decade won't be relevant. there's no chemistry in there anywhere at all! according to him, i shouldn't have much trouble catching up and learning the new stuff on the job, but i just wonder if it's a bit lot of a waste for me to study so much and not use my specialized knowledge. maybe there's a way to do both concurrently...like have a day job and run the company at night. or have one of those jobs on a flexible work week. i did go read up on some of the courses that i'd have to take, and they seem easy enough. the highest prerequisite i've seen so far (aside from the years of work experience required for some courses) is an O-level pass in english. but the cost! we're looking at $800-$1000 per course on average. it's still extremely premature, so there's not much to go by just yet. just something to entertain my brain on and off.

week 3/14 is over. making decent progress thesis-wise, not so much for lab work. thankfully, one of my juniors has agreed to help me synthesize a precursor. i felt quite bad about asking her, so i'll be giving her some platinum stuff too. aside from that, i guess life goes on as normal. oh! i've also just started teaching tuition again. got to make up for the lack of funding. had my first session with a HCI international boy today, from an assignment referred by one of the chemistry guys. this kid is preparing for the IB at the end of the year. thankfully, the syllabus is reasonably similar to A-levels. i think we had a good start! hopefully the trend continues. minor downside is that he lives some distance away, but i shouldn't complain as i can drive. and the tuition agency charges a commission equivalent to the first 2 sessions' fees, which means that i don't see any money just yet. well...no big issue. i'm not desperate either. besides, something about delayed gratification, right? with luck (and effort), everything will work out.

-random thought of the day: Anyone have tuition jobs to recommend?-

Just going to recount a super weird dream i had earlier last night/this morning. i wrote down whatever i remembered on my phone, hence the nice caps.

*Written on 20 January 2018, 06:47am*
Starts off at my year end seminar held in my bishan place, in the bathroom off of the master bedroom, to be precise. I get 37% and perform the worst this year. It's raining like mad, and the house is flooded. People drown in 3 separate locations: 2 are beaches/mud flats in the master bedroom, one is under the tiles of my old room, as the floor has a quicksand-like effect. Among those who drown are my ex-classmate's twin younger brothers, a genesis coach, a few cjc friends, and maybe one of the chemistry guys. And then I wake up.

In part 2, I sign up to help retrieve the bodies. This is done by using my toes to feel for irregularities in the mud flats, and signalling for divers to dive down and explore any area we think might contain a body. All 8 bodies are retrieved. In my room, it's more difficult as the quicksand has dried up after the rain, leaving a solid tile floor. The plan is to loosen the quicksand by artificially flooding the room using a hygroscopic boron compound which is somehow available in the fridge in the kitchen. It's also a probe that may help detect the location of a body. I put some in my mouth to test it out (goodness knows why) and it seems to work. Flooding of my room is delayed as I have to move my things out, and modify the door so that it forms a watertight seal with the floor. Among the things to be moved are several pillows and a grey file with my academic certificates and a recommendation letter from Mr Lee (I have no idea where that file is in real life, meaning the letter is lost. I know where my certificates are though). There is a heated exchange with one of my secondary school friends whose best friend is under the tiles. He feels that the plan is taking too long to execute. I tell him that while I may not completely feel his pain, the people under there are my friends too, and I'm sorry that it had to be my room. I scatter the white crystals of boron compound on the floor, but wake up after that.

Parts 1 and 2 seem to have been dreamt up on different days, but I'm becoming increasingly unsure of that.

back to chemdraw. today's focus is drawing figures and reaction schemes.

-random thought of the day: I don't even know if there's any significance in this dream.-

Progress check: 2.5/14 weeks gone. thesis chapters 1, 2, and 5 more or less complete. chapter 3 is at about 35%, chapter 4 about 5%. overall completion: 68%. page count: approx 170 pages so far. looks good, i think. i've given chapters 1 and 5 to my professor this past monday, and i'm hoping he won't be overly critical of them. i mean, i feel that i did a decent job. so i don't think i'll be scolded too horribly. of course, i'm not perfect, so i'm expecting the need for some changes and corrections. wish it would be accepted as-is, though odds are low. but hey, i can hope, right? the plan is to send him chapter 2 before the end of the month (don't want to bog him down too much since i've got a senior who's submitting before me; by this month, in fact), then chapter 3 before CNY, and we'll see how things go with chapter 4. with luck, finishing writing by february might actually be possible, but that's contingent on experimental progress too. i hate to admit it, but i haven't been in much of a "lab work" mood recently. must must get something done by the end of the month.

for news outside NUS, i've started looking for alternate sources of income. the grab plan is shelved indefinitely, because it doesn't make financial sense to me at this point. thankfully, i've got a friend who's been recommending me tuition jobs. i've got one due to start this weekend for IB chemistry, while another one for JC chemistry is in the works. the rate for the IB one is pretty good, but it works out to not much per month because that's the only confirmed assignment i have right now. i think that working as a full-time tutor can actually bring in good money, provided you teach 10 hours a day, 20 days a month, with all students paying upwards of $50 each. that's a minimum of $10000 right there! the calculation is based on one-on-one, so the number could possibly go up for group tuition. of course, the biggest problem is finding the clientele to pack your schedule so tightly.

in martial arts news, kurash is coming along nicely. we've secured a location, and are planning on starting classes next month. there's a congress that's to be held in india sometime in march, too. while i'd love to attend (although the thought of going to india kind of scares me), i'm not counting on being available for it. thesis submission, after all (and i'll most likely be broke by then). unless i somehow miraculously manage to submit early...but let's not give ourselves false hope. i'm actually quite excited to be part of the kurash movement. everything's still in very fledgling stages, but i'm optimistic for progress. i've got some technical documents done up, read about the rules and refereeing, and watched some competition videos on youtube. all in all, it looks a little simpler than judo (due to the absence of groundwork), although i find the refereeing and gestures to be a little robotic, unlike the flowing, graceful gestures used in judo. something i'll have to get used to, i guess. at least the gestures themselves are somewhat similar.

my sidequest is attempting to find a venue for a few of us to have judo training, and hopefully get our plans for a club going. approached OCC earlier this week, as someone told me that they were looking to start a judo class. unfortunately, they had engaged another club already. i don't have a high opinion of the coach there, not because of his skill (i'm sure he's proficient), but because of his character, which was partially influenced by HIS coach. and if anybody wants to raise a dispute, i'd like to point out that this is my opinion. although if you really want proof, i can probably dig something out. anyway. that's not the point. what was the point again? oh right. OCC didn't work out. i guess in a weird way, it was for the better, since that was supposed to be our initial choice of venue for kurash. lucky we gave OCC a miss, and found a place with a much better deal. i'm sure that OCC can't top whatever deal we got with the current landlord. i've got another place in mind, which i'll probably check out this saturday. i'm not too sure how it'll go, considering that they don't have an existing judo program, nor have they indicated interest to start one as far as i know. but i've got to at least give it a shot, right?

that's more or less it for now. for some reason, my hair's been feeling really itchy. not from lack of washing, mind you. think i'm overdue for a haircut. when was my last haircut, anyway? definitely before christmas, but still within december. might go this weekend, depending on how the schedule works out.

-random thought of the day: Keep going!-

Upon the invitation of the SJC president, i went down to attend their kagami biraki (literally translated as "mirror-opening", a traditional japanese new-year ceremony) earlier today. i think it was the first time in 6 months to a year since i've put my gi on. just from the way it fit, and from the way i was panting after the warm-up, it more or less confirmed that whatever good genesis did for me has been completely undone. it's been 4-ish months of hiatus, and i'm not really looking forward to resuming. that's not to say i don't want to, because i do. but something that has to be done may not be enjoyable...just look at NS. still, gym plans will have to wait, i'm afraid. what i can do for myself now is to be more conscious about eating habits and about what i eat.

the more i see new faces and interact with new people, the more i'm convinced that good-looking people are more numerous than i'd thought. alternatively, my standards may be dropping. i did have a very brief chat with someone at the judo club earlier, and i thought we hit it off decently. luckily i didn't get my hopes up before doing a bit of detective work, which showed that that person appeared to be in a relationship. so, easy come easy go? maybe. well, as my scary friend would say, eye candy is good for the soul. but then, i don't really go down to the judo club that often either. maybe i should get to know my malaysian person better first. well technically not "MY" person (although actually yes if you interpret "MY" as the country code for malaysia. sorry, i'm being lame), but you know what i mean.

one of the chemistry guys shared that an acquaintance of ours got charged in court recently, and was slapped with a relatively long jail sentence too. i won't reveal too much here, save to say that when i knew this person in NUS, they seemed relatively normal. we were on cordial/friendly terms, and i talked to them...not exactly often. i guess considering the nature of our working relationship, i only approached them when i needed something. still, it was quite a profound shock to find out that this person had been charged, and even more so to find out the type of crime which the charge was for. i guess people do have their dark sides, though this particular dark side is just a tad darker than normal.

i met my cousin yesterday when i went over to my aunt's place to print my year-end report. she has an industrial xerox multi-purpose machine, and printing black and white documents costs a cent a side. that's 4 times cheaper than NUS, and many many times cheaper than commercial print shops. i printed 117 pages so far (2 chapters of 58 pages each + 1 cover page). that's like 40% of my thesis. going by this projection, my thesis will be 290 pages overall!? nah, i don't think so. the 3 chapters in between will probably be shorter. this first print run kind of makes me feel more hopeful, and makes me believe more that the goal is within reach. of course, this is before my professor sinks his claws into whatever i wrote, so there's still a measure of uncertainty there. at this point though, the thought is to just throw it in first and see how. oh, back to my cousin. he and his wife went to taiwan over the last week or so, and for some reason, they bought me a bottle of duty-free alcohol. it's weird because he's never done this unless i asked, and i've only ever asked that one time after bali because my own duty-free allowance had already been fully taken up. while i really shouldn't be looking too deeply into this (after all, we are close enough that this shouldn't be viewed as suspicious), i wonder if that's his way of apologizing for selling off his commercially-registered car after agreeing that i could use it for grab. or maybe it's an advance present for whatever i might need to do for his wife as things progress. or maybe it's just a gift, and i shouldn't think so much. probably the third option is best, though option 1 also looks really tempting to believe in for some reason.

another sign of my decreased fitness was that 2 hours of relatively light training got me tired to the point where i had to take an afternoon nap. of course, the crazy hot weather today may have contributed to that too. and i can feel some ache in my forearms, meaning that i haven't been exercising my grip for too long. anyway. tomorrow's the start of week 2/14 of my own internal schedule, and i believe it's week 1 of school? no wait it's not. school starts on 15 january, according to the NUS academic calendar. and i also found out that 30 march is good friday, which means that i have to submit by 29 march to only pay half fees. good thing i discovered it now as opposed to later/never.

-random thought of the day: Kurash is taking off!-

First week of 2018 is over. made some decent headway on my thesis. let's do a quick progress check. chapters 1 and 5 are more or less 100% complete, chapter 2 about 85% (which will be 100% by next week), chapter 3 about 10%, chapter 4 0%. that works out to overall completion of 59%, which took about 2-2.5 months to do. considering i have more than 2.5 months left, i think i'll make it. of course, i don't want to cut things down to the wire, there has to be some time budgeted for revisions, edits, and all that.

recently, i've been roped in to get involved in this sport called kurash. it's central asian in origin (think of the group of countries whose names all end in -stan), and is remarkably similar to judo, except that there's no groundwork element. the people have plans of getting a venue, starting classes, and even sending me for coach and referee certification. and you know what? it took that for me to realize that i am still somewhat attached to judo. don't get me wrong, i'm immensely grateful that people think highly enough of me to be willing to give me a boost up. but at the same time, i realize that i can't leave judo behind, even though the federation is beyond salvation. maybe it's because of the familiarity, or the time that i've already invested in it? not that i'm turning up my nose at kurash; i will still go with the plan to promote it in singapore. i think that i will find a way to continue with my judo journey, federation be damned. my black belt is international, after all, so i can train basically anywhere. i guess it just means that i can't fight for singapore in competitions (not that i wanted to anyway), nor will i be considered for continental referee unless the administration changes. that second one hurts a bit more. but well. titles and rankings will eventually be forgotten, which is also why i don't understand why the old men cling so desperately to their power.

one of the elders told me that in singapore, status matters. he said that if/when i do get my degree, our influence with government bodies will be greater because of the prefix to my name. though i hate to admit it, he has a point. it's quite unfortunate how we are judged based on our qualifications. at the same time, i also see the basis behind that. higher education is supposed to train you to think more in-depth, and more critically. so if a PSLE holder and a degree holder analyze the same situation, they will take different things away from it. having said that, i also don't think people should be discriminated against based solely on their educational qualifications. character and education are separate, and bad character can afflict people of any background.

i've noticed something recently. it seems that i'm more of a "face" person than a "body" person, as in, i'm attracted very slightly more to good-looking faces than nice bodies. how i discovered this was that i'd somehow seen someone's (very nice) body on the internet before i saw their face. and when i saw their face (which was average), my overall rating of that person dropped. maybe it's also because of their hairstyle, which i find doesn't suit them. although as i look at different photos, my rating of that person is slowly climbing back up. yes, it's superficial. but i figure i'll never cross paths with this person in real life, so it's somewhat forgivable. plus, i'm not identifying the person in any way at all. i learn something new every day.

can't quite recall if there was anything else i'd wanted to say. well, if i can't think of it, it's probably not important right now. reminder to self to maintain the momentum, and increase the pace if possible.

-random thought of the day: Stay on track-

So, here we are in 2018. as usual, it doesn't really feel all too different from 2017. the feeling i have is that this year will be important, for a number of reasons. first of all, i'll turn 30. that's in another 294 days, so there's still a good portion of the year to go before then. at this point, i'm still feeling pretty neutral about it. you know, the whole "age is just a number" thing. at the same time, there's this subconscious fear that having my age start with the number 3 will deter potential dates. i guess i'll cross that bridge when i get there. looking at significant dates closer to today, 30 march immediately comes to mind. it's 14 weeks away, and is the deadline for my thesis submission. with 2.5 outstanding chapters to go, i have to write an average of one chapter every 6 weeks (with some chapters being concurrently written). that in itself wouldn't be a problem, except that i need to do some more experiments as well. right now i just need synthesis, characterization, and a few tests. i don't dare to put a deadline to it, but i hope i can wrap up experiments by CNY, which falls on 15/16 february this year.

another reason that this looks like it'll be an important year is because it's one of those "crossroads" years, where my decisions are likely to have a larger impact on my life. previously, my path was quite clear, but now that i'm leaving school for good, the road ahead splits into more branches than i'm comfortable with. right now, i'm not too inclined to worry about that yet. my main goal is to get out of NUS with no further hassle, and to survive the next 3 months.

with that being said, i guess i should wish any readers here a great 2018. stay happy, healthy, and work towards your goals.

-random thought of the day: Feeling somewhat nervous/scared.-