6 hours or so of rain caused temperature lows today, which meant that it was perfectly conducive for doing nothing. would i trade 6 hours of rain a day for cooler temperatures? probably, if i could decide the raining hours and rain intensity. while i spent almost the whole day in bed, i managed to muster enough energy to clean the filter of the air-con unit in my room, and go get some groceries. the filter was dustier than i'd thought it would be. the app recommends 720 hours of use between cleanings. i use the air-con from 11pm to 7am the next morning (8 hours a night), so it seems that i should clean it every 90 days, or 3-ish months. i'm mildly ashamed to admit that this is the first time ever i've cleaned the filter...6 months too late! it does seem that dust accumulation on the filters is proportional to how heavily the individual air-con unit is used. i checked the living room unit's filter (i turn it on for an hour a week just to let the system run, and whenever i have guests, which is not often), and there was barely anything there! i expect the common room unit's filter to be in a similar condition, so i decided to put off checking it.

might as well do the quarterly check-in now. since it's not over yet, i'll write in present tense. Q3 is good in general, but there were problems carried over from previous quarters. i think the best aspect is work, in that i met the promotion KPI target in spite of the change of file management system, and even got my lead's approval to request sponsorship for the masters course. i will say that i'm still not very confident about the quality of my work, but that's another kind of translucent criteria as i've mentioned before. still, i'm reassured as i seem to be meeting my mentor's expectations most of the time.

sort of work-adjacent, but tuition is going ok. the kids are having their year-end exams this coming week, so the stressful period is almost over for them, as well as for me! this change of location is really a push factor away from continuing with tuition. to be fair, it isn't the only one. other push factors include giving up half of my saturday, and having kids who don't seem to be responding well to me. but well, i promised to follow these kids all the way to O-levels. if next year's schedule is similar to this year's, the last class for sec 4 chemistry should be in end-october. just a year and a month more to go!

on the social front, i maintained my interpersonal relations quite well, i think. having interactions with gym guy, crochet guy and the other guy both in and outside of the bedroom, plus making a new friend in the form of doctor guy. i'm supposed to be introduced to his partner soon too, which i'm quite looking forward to. not much progress with cute bartender, but i think that wasn't going to work out from the get-go anyway. well, at least we're still on friendly terms, and seeing him does my heart good. i think it was a good decision to reduce my gay bar visits (also partially due to COVID), as it helped me focus more on and deepen existing friendships. as mentioned in the last post, i've got some thoughts about romantic relationships and partners which are not quite yet ready to see the light of day. all in good time.

the biggest problem with Q3 is in the health/fitness realm. COVID plus a lack of motivation and a wonky left shoulder meant that i was away from the gym for quite a while. yes, i'm aware that it's an excuse. i'm still trying to figure out how i can be more active after work or on weekends. worse than the reduced activity, my intake seems to have increased as well. kind of makes me wonder if i should see a nutritionist/dietician or even a psychotherapist to figure out what else i can do, because willpower doesn't seem to be cutting it.

looking forward to Q4, it's basically more of the same. still need to hit an extended KPI target by december, just in case something goes wrong with this round of promotion. i don't foresee that being out of reach, as i need another maybe 12 points in 3 months, which is very doable. i'll want to go higher to secure a good performance grade, though. i figure that i shouldn't worry too much about the numbers, and just keep my current pace. big events in november include the guild chalet and china trip, which will be welcome breaks from work. the idea of going to qingdao is also being floated by a few people in the alumni group. would be nice if i could make it. i haven't even touched this year's annual leave allotment yet (been using the leave i carried over from last year), so i can definitely take time off. for health/fitness, i'll try OMAD, or "one meal a day". should reduce, or preferably stop snacking in the office too. i'll also set a gymming frequency of 2 times minimum per week with at least one improvement in some way, be it in terms of weights, sets, reps, or form. something to think about in the next quarter...do i continue this gym membership? i believe i have to inform them by 19 december if i don't want to continue the contract.

since i was in bed for most of today, i went to google people from my past. it was a mixed bag of results some had not updated their linkedin for years (career history stopped in the early 2020s), while some people are doing amazing things. one of the judo juniors from SJI was sent over to the US by his company, and another one in a different company appears to be in paris. 2 of my juniors from CJC judo got their phds (one in physics, the other in engineering), and are now in postdoc or industry positions. there's one other male junior from CJC i know by virtue of his twin sister being in judo. this guy is apparently a lieutenant colonel in the army, and he's only 35 years old! he's flying so high, he's practically in orbit. that's more or less the path to become chief of army, if not the entire defence force. i'm so happy that people i have good impressions of are generally doing well. interestingly, the people i don't really care for or who left a poor impression are either just surviving in what i'd call dead-end jobs, or can't be traced. not saying that i'm a good judge of character or anything, but the data seems to suggest it. could be coincidence, for all i know. i kind of want to reconnect with some of them, but i'm not exaggerating when i say it's been close to 10 years since we last met. wonder if they'll agree?

-random thought of the day: To a good Q4!-

Festive occasions are normally a time for auspicious thoughts. unfortunately, last night's mid-autumn dinner got us (or maybe just me) thinking about death for a little bit. see, there's normally a sponsored table for former teachers at alumni celebration dinners. up till now, the 10 seats of the sponsored table have always been filled quite easily. this dinner was the first time that only half the seats were filled. and it wasn't for lack of trying, either! some teachers who used to be regular attendees are now less mobile than before, while others have passed away. among the latter group is my science teacher for sec 1 and 2, who passed away a few months ago. it was quite a shock to see her obituary in the alumni facebook group, as she seemed to be still in good health (albeit a little more frail) the last time i saw her at the CNY dinner in february. mentor figure also mentioned that some teachers who were invited asked the old boys to provide transport for them, either in the form of driving them down or sponsoring taxi fare. quite entitled of them, if you ask me, especially considering that their share of the dinner is already paid for! so, he's decided to stop organizing a sponsored teachers' table for future dinners within our group. can't say i blame him, actually.

probably a coincidence or some form of confirmation bias, but i've been thinking about the concept of impermanence recently. like, nothing's going to be around forever. and even if something by that name survives through time, it would have undergone some change that makes it not the same as an earlier version of itself. real world examples: the evolution of languages, the fall of england's oldest bank during a relatively recent financial crisis, or how national borders changed after the fall of the USSR. fictional example: how the signs representing the 4 elements changed in the most recent season of avatar (master of all 4 elements, not tall blue aliens). i've only seen the trailer, but i'm excited to catch it when it premieres! but as i was saying, nothing lasts forever. there will come a time when nobody on earth will have had any interaction with you, or remember how you look like (unless you're famous, like say einstein or hitler). i guess that's why some people want to leave a legacy, be it good or bad. i'm sure there's a deep, philosophical conclusion somewhere, but it escapes me for now.

i took the bus with scary JC friend after the dinner (she was going to meet her boyfriend at aljunied, and i was heading home in the same direction), and we talked about several things during the ride. i was telling her about the recent happenings with crochet guy (i linked them up a while back), and she thinks he's not suited for a sales role. i have a similar opinion. we both agreed that his heart's in the right place, but he's approaching it from the wrong direction. like, his immediate concern is focused on meeting his sales targets, instead of what value he can provide to his clients. thing is, it's very easy to pick up on. worse, it looks like he's using the people he talks to as a means to an end, which makes people question his sincerity. paradoxically, using people as a means to an end is kind of what sales kind of is! just that good salespeople provide value for their clients at the same time.

i can kind of understand/empathize with crochet guy's difficulty from my experience in looking for tuition students just after NS. what i did was that i asked mentor figure (who i wasn't as close to at that time) for help to find potential students among the alumni network in the form of old boys' kids. looking back, it wasn't appropriate of me to ask, since one of they key rules is that the platform is not for personal gain. but he was gracious enough to send a broadcast email out. i think he saw me as a young person looking to take on some financial responsibility, and wanted to help me get a start.

another thing we talked about was AI-assisted fortune telling. she told me that she input the relevant details into chatgpt, and asked it for a 八字 (eight characters) reading. the principle behind 八字 is that a person's fate is affected (or maybe governed/decided) by their date and time of birth. specifically, i think the 8 characters are split into 2 for the year, 2 for the month, 2 for the day, and 2 for the hour of birth. each of the characters is then assigned to an element, and the relative proportions of each element determines the personality, strengths, and weaknesses. it's so important that a superstition says never to divulge your 八字 to anyone, because others can use it to control you. it does make me wonder though, if 2 people born at the exact same time will be similar in that way even after they're grown up. odds are no because of the nature vs. nurture thing, plus there are other complementary branches of chinese fortune telling like numerology, elemental study, etc. which help to balance out a person's elements using the number of strokes and element radicals in the name they are to be given. i tried it myself, and got some surprisingly relevant results. of course, i will acknowledge that it could be cold reading and me finding my own meaning in it. at the same time, it says that my theme for this and next years is putting my knowledge to practical use, and avoiding burnout. that's quite specific and directly relevant to my job! well, i guess we'll see how close the next few years are to the readings.

pleasant surprise today, in that gym guy messaged me as i was on the way home from tuition. he was in the area, and we arranged to meet up for...activities. he also wanted to go to audio house (near my place) to look at stuff for his flat, and i tagged along. was quite a good trip; some induction cookers and water heaters caught his eye. happy that he has some alternative options now! interacting with him makes me think about what i want in a relationship. while he's a great friend to have, i'm not sure if we'd be good as partners. different level of expectations, after all. it also got me thinking about what i actually want in a partner, while some ideas are floating around in my head, they're not quite well-formed enough to post yet. maybe as part of the year-end post. one thing i want to expand on is the thought that people tend to focus more on how much value a potential partner can add to their life, as opposed to how much value they can add to a potential partner's life.

sunday tomorrow! might use the free day to do my quarterly check-in, seeing as september is ending this coming wednesday. i don't think i have any more social engagements at least until the founder's day dinner next month (which just so happens to fall on my cousin's and several friends' birthday), where i believe mentor figure will form at least one table. that's in 2+ weeks, so i have a break where i should aim to eat less and move more. not sure how successful i'll be with that!

-random thought of the day: Looking forward to a break from tuition.-

Looking at my severely underutilized oven, i figured that a cooking experiment might help change things up a bit. that's the set-up for "i tried making sio bak (chinese? cantonese? roast pork) earlier today". this time was a trial run where i just did the cooking to get the technique/process right, no marinating or adding other flavours yet. it turned out good! the skin is crunchy (if a little thick), the meat is cooked through and tender. some points which i think would improve the next run:

- use fresh pork, not frozen

- score the skin or do the poke holes thing (might help get a lighter skin layer?)

- do the final step at full blast broiler (i was impatient and didn't let the broiler heat up fully)

- scrape/wipe ALL the salt off the skin before broiling (tasted some very salty bits)

thinking of doing it for next week's alumni gathering, which means i'll have to buy the pork on tuesday or wednesday so there is ample time for the meat to marinate and the skin to dry out. just needs a bit of planning. as for this test batch, i'd rate it a 6/10. looking forward to see how much better the next batch turns out!

crochet guy was very eager to come over again this week. one thing that kind of bugs me is that he phrases it as a statement rather than a question. like, "i can come over tonight" vs. "can i come over tonight?". the former would be fine if i'd extended an invitation...but i didn't! learning from the previous experience, i asked him exactly what he wanted to do. his reply was "decide on your insurance, then chat and see where it goes". not my idea of a good time, i don't think...especially late at night. he was also quite focused on getting me to sign a new policy, because he's apparently under assessment and has until the end of this month to hit a certain dollar amount in commissions. so, i decided that his time was better spent finding clients who would actually be likely to sign with him. in the end, i told him that i'd be happy to have him over as a friend, but i would not be getting a new policy at this point. since then, it's been radio silence. i can understand why; i'd be focusing on my job over meeting guys as well, if my job was on the line! so i'll just see when he gets back in touch.

i finally realized why crochet guy doesn't quite inspire confidence in me. unpolished-ness at explaining insurance stuff to me aside, he also makes jokes which i don't think he should be making. example: the last time he was over, the conversation led to me saying "i have nothing valuable for you to steal". to which he replied "your trust". i'm pretty sure that it's a joke. but i think it's like the price anchoring thing - you're affected even though you know it's happening! not to mention that there are some things people in the service industry should never say/do, and casting doubt on your own trustworthiness probably ranks right at the top. everything just comes together and makes me feel like he views me as a client first and everything else second. so...yes. i will let him prove himself through the accident policy first, then make decisions based on that.

bright spot yesterday: met up with some of the JET friends for dinner at bugis+, as some of them were back in singapore for a short trip. also got introduced to 2 people whom i've only ever interacted with in our discord server - one just ended her full 5 year term and is now working in the local japan embassy as the JET coordinator, while the other ended a few years back and is now working in hokkaido. i also met my fellow kochi JET again; the last time i saw him was in 2024 at his place in fukuoka for CNY. it was nice to talk to them again and reminisce a bit about the japan days, plus hear their opinions on the current situation in japan. at the risk of sounding elitist, i think JET is one of those things that must be experienced to have a point of reference. some people have mentioned talking about it with their non-JET partners/friends, but it's not the same as it is with a fellow JET. we also tried to get the local alumni association to sponsor our dinner (apparently it's a thing if an event has 7 or more current JETs or alumni as attendees), but it didn't work out because we were supposed to provide advance notice. if only we found out earlier!

office day tomorrow, plus i think i want to go to the gym. i'm noticeably gaining weight, and i don't like it. but more of that in the quarterly check-in...this weekend? on the 30th? well, by the 30th, anyway. the other big event this week is the alumni mid-autumn festival dinner on friday. quite looking forward to that! otherwise, it's just the usual routine.

-random thought of the day: Get a GIRO form from POSB.-

Unmatched expectations are a cause of negativity. that's a candidate for this year's theme, but there are maybe 1-2 more in the running right now. anyway, this came to mind because of crochet guy. like i mentioned in a previous post, he wanted to come over on thursday night. considering that it was that late, i naturally thought he wanted to catch up and do some M18 activities. turns out that he finished work around 10pm and was meeting someone else at 2am (whether for M18 stuff or not, i don't know), so i guess his intention was more to stop over and rest up for a few hours. this was not communicated to me until on the day itself, which left me feeling a little disgruntled. see, i'm happy if i can make my friends' lives easier. but having incomplete information really annoys me. and the fact that i was looking forward to M18 activities with him didn't help either...although i recognize that it was an assumption on my part. a logical one, but an assumption nonetheless.

as a contrary example, i had lunch with gym guy yesterday, and he mentioned that he was going to the gay bar that night. he asked me to go too, and i told him i'd consider it. ended up deciding to go (my first time in a month or more), and met a friend of his there. the friend is (you know the drill) partnered in an open relationship, and we hit it off quite well! he's a doctor, which is nice as he gave me an idea of what the issue with my shoulder was. said there was a line of tension running across both my shoulders. going in with no expectations and getting a nice surprise is so much more preferable than the former situation!

my leave for the china trip was approved! i've also started casually browsing flights, and should get tickets soon. it'll only be my second time in china, so still a little apprehensive. adding on to that, the departing airport for the return flight is still uncertain. but i figure i should have it sorted in the next month or so.

closer to the present, i'm due to meet scary JC friend tomorrow to get mooncakes. thinking of getting one for the cleaning auntie too, but need to find a place that sells halal mooncakes. there's the alumni mid-autumn dinner this friday. before that, i'm thinking of seeing the TCM massage specialist that another old boy recommended me...although now that i've read the place's google reviews, i'm not that sure any more. i guess the only way to find out is to go down myself!

-random thought of the day: Grocery delivery tomorrow.-

Saw some things on facebook that i want to blog about. content warning: suicide.

as facebook is prone to do nowadays, it showed me posts from people i don't know. the first one was a live stream of someone in america(?) having an end-of-life celebration. i went to read through her profile, and it seems that she's been living with cancer for a while? she looked to be older, too...60s at the minimum. i checked in a few days afterwards, and there was an update from her caregivers/loved ones saying that she had passed on peacefully. apparently, her heart only stopped after 18 hours from when she was administered the drugs. didn't realize it could take that long.

last night or 2 nights ago, i was shown a post that simply said, "good bye". i went to look at the person's profile, and saw videos of previous livestreams that he did earlier that night. not thinking much of it, i went to sleep. this morning, i woke up to a random post announcing the schedule for his funeral and cremation. seems like he jumped from height after the last livestream ended. reading the funeral announcement and scrolling further down through his facebook profile, i realized that (1) we were born in the same year, and (2) he claimed to be retired as early as 2017. he was also titled as "doctor" in the announcement...made me wonder what he studied? from the info i gathered, he appeared to be doing something finance-y. that, coupled with seemingly being born into a rich family, might explain why he was able to retire before 30.

the thing i found more intriguing is that he was a prominent figure in malaysia's cosplay scene. people were saying how generous he was, and how he was a valued member of the community. there were other accounts that his suicide was because of a woman, who he spent a whole bunch of money on. seems like it was "buy her a house" levels of spending, only for the relationship to turn sour and the girl to keep all the assets. i guess being rich doesn't ensure you have enough money. it's all relative...spend more than you make, and no amount will ever be enough.

one comment in particular caught my eye. a random netizen said something to the effect of "he had such a nice face, just slim down a bit and he'd have no shortage of women". it brings me back to the same question...should people in general aim to become better-looking to attract mates, or find someone who loves them as they are now? i oscillate between both points pretty frequently, and my current philosophy leans towards the latter option, with the addendum that it's not wrong to want to look good, but it should be done for the right purposes (health, mainly - both physical and mental).

anyway, those were just some things that i wanted to get off my mind.

-random thought of the day: Go for january intake of the masters course?-

Cranky after an involuntary afternoon/evening nap. the hot weather, plus going out to meet some guildmates for lunch, plus being sick due to the haze, combined together and just knocked me out after i reached home. still, it's more productive than my usual sunday routine of doing absolutely nothing.

let's talk about being sick first. i hate it. took the opportunity to test out one of the combination COVID and flu A/B test kits that i bought online, and the good news is that it appears i'm negative for all 3 viruses. what seems to have happened is that the haze particles are irritating my respiratory system, making me produce more phlegm and mucus. the annoying thing is that it accumulates when i'm lying down, so one side of my nose will be blocked when i try to sleep. worse, the mucus and phlegm tend to dry out while i'm asleep, and i wake up to this horrible feeling of congestion that only gets better after i cough up some viscous green blobs. the coughing also makes my throat sore, so that's another L. biggest L: being sick reduces my brain's processing speed and capacity, and i go through cases much slower (provided i have the motivation to look them at all!). thankfully, i seem to be on the mend and should be better in a few more days.

as mentioned up there, i had lunch with some guildmates earlier today. we ate at yishun's yappari steak. nice that i have a direct bus there, less nice that it takes about an hour one-way. still, i think that the long commute is worth it to meet these people. the steak was at its usual standard, i went for 200g instead of my default 300g order in an effort to cut down my intake. we also talked about china trip plans; seems like we should be looking at flight prices soon. reminder to self: i should also apply for leave. quite looking forward to the trip, more so than i thought i'd be! apart from the recent sickness, i think part of the restlessness that i'm currently feeling also comes from the stir-craziness of just sticking to the usual routine with very little variation. considering that my last big holiday was in march (i'm not counting june's bangkok trip), 2 longer overseas trips per year sounds about right to keep me balanced. and thankfully, being single affords me the flexibility to just take a week or so off and disappear. no idea how my married friends and relatives plan for their family holidays. the logistics (booking flights, accommodation, setting an itinerary that will please everyone) alone sound terrifying, let alone having to wrangle kids on the trip.

small point of interest, the bus that takes me to yishun also passes by the ex's place. it's actually the same bus that he takes to work, just in the opposite direction. while passing by today, i just felt nothing. ok, not exactly nothing. i did feel nostalgia for the 8-ish months i spent there and in the vicinity, memories of commuting to and from the office, stuff like that. i also thought that given the time at which i passed by, he should have been out for lunch with his dad. but i didn't feel any sadness or regret about the relationship ending, nor did i find myself having any desire to find out how he's doing or anything. in fact, i'd say i didn't feel anything negative at all. good job, me!

not much on the agenda next week, my goal is to get out the last 2 cases from the previous bunch of files, then start to work on more recently assigned cases. socially, crochet guy says he wants to come over, so that should be nice. need to get mooncakes next weekend, as gifts for my mentor and lead. tuition-wise, the kids are due to have final exams at the end of the month. i'm pretty sure my original 3 will do decently, not so confident about the new 2. but well...one thing i learnt from the JET experience is that we can't help every kid. or put another way, not every kid is worth helping. it's beyond my pay grade to chase them for work, constantly repeat basic concepts, and enforce discipline in class...especially when it's to the detriment of the majority. we'll see how things go with them.

-random thought of the day: Still coughing.-

Genius (read "dumbass") me did something amazing(ly stupid) today. i went to get groceries this afternoon, and that included some frozen stuff. upon reaching home, i dutifully put them in the freezer, but didn't realize that the freezer door didn't close properly. took me about 4 hours to discover it! thankfully, most of the stuff is vacuum-packed, which should mitigate the damage somewhat. the only things i'm worried about are the 2 packs of frozen oysters. i polished 1 off earlier, and it seemed ok. next one soon, i guess.

it's been a...sub-optimal past few days, with 2 bright spots. first was dinner with my chemistry friend on sunday. he updated me about some significant changes in his life, and i hope they work out for him. we ate at carnivore, as planned, and the food was good. i especially liked this beef stew thing they had, as well as the picanha (rump cap) steak which was served by the roving meat people. i'm proud to say that i didn't overeat! although i kind of wish i had the stomach capacity i did in my 20s. we then had more conversation over drinks, and i updated him on the whole relationship thing too. drinking tea (chagee) at 9+ at night was definitely not the right move though...i didn't sleep until about 3am.

that led to me feeling tired on monday, which was when bright spot #2 came in. had lunch and a drink with gym guy, and we agreed to go for a massage later that night. he brought me to his regular place at fu lu shou complex (my first time in there despite passing by more times than i can count). the therapist was not bad, although i don't have very many points of reference! i also opted to add on cupping therapy, and my back now has several red and purple circles. i find it quite interesting, that different areas will turn different colours. it's supposed to be linked to what's wrong with your body, but i don't have much knowledge in that regard. kind of want to do it more often.

other news: ministerial salary increment. i have strong opinions on that. but so as not to bore you, i'll just say that i don't think their shameless money grab is justified. their increment alone is more than what some people make in 10 years. the mental gymnastics they go through to reconcile "we need high pay to attract top talent" and "serving as a politician shouldn't be about the money". i wish i had the power to change something, but with the amount of power/ability i have now, the best i could possible do is change my country of residence. well...i'm just hoping that (best case) change to a different party in power happens while i'm still alive, or (2) the current ruling party only runs singapore down into the ground after i'm dead.

i've reached a kind of equilibrium as far as interpersonal relations go. recently, i saw one guy in his 20s(?) who resorted to making adult content when he was financially strapped during COVID. today, he seems to be doing well - having a watch collection, apparently making 6 or 7 figures, seeing clients (of what variety, i don't know). strangely, i don't feel envious. i guess it's because i don't have the looks/body or the courage to do what he did. can't blame people for using their natural gifts, right? like how i'm using my scientific brain for work. i might have taken a different path if i looked like him. fun to imagine alternative lives!

-random thought of the day: Scratchy throat and sinuses from the haze!-

KPI tracker came in today, although it only shows data until 1 september. if the numbers are accurate, i am very close to hitting my promotion target. considering that i also submitted some cases over the past 3 days, it's quite possible that i've already hit it! it's kind of a relief, to have a bit more certainty. even if i haven't hit it yet, i'll be submitting at least another 2 cases (if not 4) between now and month-end, so i'm not worried about missing the mark for points.

what i AM worried about though, is the other criteria for determining promotion - quality. it's not exactly opaque, but not clear, either. i think i'll call it translucent. like, we're told about the mistakes in our reports that we'll be marked down for, but we're not told how many mistakes we're "allowed", be it per report or over what duration. still, my lead assures me that as long as we're doing our best, it should be fine. i updated him about my plan to go for the masters, and he's supportive! the plan is for me to get a C+ performance grade this year.

the goal's been set, and new information has come to light. time for some planning! the latest news i have that's confirmed by management is that the earliest our promotions will kick in is from 1 january next year, meaning that we will finish this year with a lower KPI target (separate from promotion target). that's good, because it means it's easier to exceed and thus get a higher performance grade. meeting the annual target (100%) basically guarantees a C, but the cutoff for C+ or higher grades in general is another kind of translucent thing. that's because of the "graded on a curve" thing, where only the top x% gets it. so for example, you'll get a higher grade if everyone else barely makes 100% and you hit 110%. but if you get 110% and everyone else gets 120%, you're out of luck.

i forget the exact number, but i think there are about 50 people at my current rank. i'd ideally want to be in the top 5 (ie. top 10%) just for added security/confidence, but i think aiming for top 10 (ie. top 20%) should be safe. if i keep my current pace, my projected year-end number should be 150% of my base goal, which would be awesome. realistically, i don't think i'll hit that because of the november holiday. plus, things tend to slow down at year-end. the plan is to just maintain my current pace, and adjust as necessary over the next few months.

another thing i spoke to my lead about was the masters course. he's supportive, and if all goes well, i'll be able to start next july at the earliest. january would have been nice, but there's not enough time. i kind of want to do it ASAP, because my previous colleagues have said that taking the course while still young is the way to go. i don't know if i feel like my rate of knowledge absorption has gone down, but i do know that i definitely don't have the stamina (both physical and mental) to do another bachelors degree. at least the masters is like, 6 or 7 modules, which shouldn't be too bad. target is to finish it in 3 semesters (1.5 years), which should make the course load manageable, alongside my workload. step by step, aim for the C+ first!

-random thought of the day: Let's keep it up!-

While i don't think i'm sick again, i've been feeling a bit low-energy recently. i suppose sleep quality is a contributing factor...i've been getting up in the middle of the night to use the toilet every night for at least the past 4-5 nights. not sure what the reason could be, but my guess is that i shouldn't take my vitamin B supplement a few hours before sleeping since it's supposed to help with energy-yielding metabolism (according to the text on the bottle). going to shift it to the mornings to see if that helps. another reason could be because i haven't hit the gym in almost a month. partially due to COVID, mostly due to laziness.

it's september! this time last year, i'd just moved into marine parade and was slowly getting back on my feet. i still remember operating on a somewhat "survival" mindset, not wanting to do anything but the bare minimum needed to keep myself going. how things have changed! i'm now comfortable, happy, and generally in a much better place.

unfortunately, i think there are still some vestiges of last year hanging about. i submitted 2 cases to my mentor recently, and they came back with more comments and suggestions for revisions than usual. maybe because i feel like i should be producing work of a higher standard, it didn't feel good to see that i made some mistakes which are probably not as forgivable now. well, i guess as long as it doesn't happen too often.

remember what i said about singapore becoming a powder keg? so recently, there was news about how a drinks stall owner in a coffee shop threw a customer's water bottle on the ground because the customer ate there but had their own water instead of buying drinks from his stall. they only got into a verbal argument, and the thing was posted online, as usual these days. it makes me think that i'm lacking in personal cultivation, because if someone had deliberately thrown my water bottle, there would be damage to at least their property, if not their physical selves. i'm still baffled by the stupidity shown by some people. i'm also grateful that i'm not a big fan of nasi lemak, and live far enough from the incident area that i wouldn't go unless my friends decided to have a gathering there.

some of the guildmates are planning a trip to china, and i indicated interest to join them. the plan is to visit chengdu, which i hear is the LGBT capital of china. there are some other places as well, but i think that'll be the highlight for me. also i don't have enough time to join them for the full 2 weeks, so i'll travel with them for the first week, then fly back on my own. not being very experienced with china, i'm content to follow along and see the sights with no expectations. on a related note, i'm kind of interested to travel to the town in xiamen that my paternal grandparents were from. or maybe it's a city now, i actually don't know. should do that while my workload is still manageable and i'm not too old.

tomorrow brings a call with my mentor to discuss one of the 2 cases i mentioned earlier. she's now also mentoring one of the newbies, for a total of 4 people. i should do what i can to make her life easier. still waiting to confirm my points on the KPI tracker, which has been delayed to the end of this week. there are also 2 upcoming office events - a team bonding and a D&D, both scheduled sometime in october. outside of work, i'm due to meet my friend for dinner on sunday. we're going to carnivore! it'll only be my second time, and probably the last since the only remaining branch is closing at the end of the month. i also want to go back to the gym, probably tomorrow or thursday. might schedule a gay bar visit on friday if i'm feeling up to it. i think i've got some thoughts about the whole gay experience here in singapore, but you've probably heard most of them in some shape or form in previous posts. not sure if i have any new material to value-add to that yet. we'll see. maybe i'll do a whole post about it closer to year-end, as i get more reflective.

-random thought of the day: Focus on cases!-