Lousy news to start the week - the IP firm decided not to proceed with my application. it's a hit to the morale, but life must go on. makes me wonder why the interviewers spent so long talking to me, because i'd have thought that they wouldn't waste more time than necessary on a candidate that they weren't interested in. or, i was one candidate out of a few who interviewed, and they chose someone else. who knows? i don't think that i should concern myself too much with those tiny details, but i should probably examine what i could have done to make the interview go better. off the top of my head, i can think of a couple of things...first being that maybe i didn't give them the feeling that i was up to the challenge of becoming a patent attorney. they were stressing how challenging it was, the many years it would require, that many people fail the exams, and that i'd have to work extra hard when exams drew near. i guess i should have declared something to the effect of "i'd crawl up a mountain of broken glass if i had to". the next thing would be the claims exercise that they had me do. i got a few questions wrong, but i feel that this is relatively minor since they'd be training me in that aspect if they took me in. still, i think having no mistakes might have improved my standing, but what's done is done.

it's a sign, i guess, that maybe JET is the way to go? even so, it doesn't change the fact that it probably won't be happening this year, and that i'll need to find something to occupy the time between now and then. that's something which i will have to consider in greater detail soon. i actually wonder if i made the wrong choice in deciding to pursue grad studies? it seems that i'm caught in the middle...overqualified for entry-level jobs, but too inexperienced for senior-level stuff. but my friends seem to be doing well for themselves, regardless of whether they have a bachelor's degree or higher qualification, so maybe the issue lies with me. my plan is to dedicate a whole post to the job situation soon, just to see if there are things that i haven't considered. *prompt: talk about the idea of starting my own business*

that aside, plan healthy living is going decently. i'm generally good with keeping to my workouts and diet, so that's a plus. although i did find myself feeling more tired than usual over the past week. it might be that the accumulated physical stress from gym is catching up to me, or i might not be eating optimally. i've had reason to doubt the body scanner's accuracy again, because it's showing me numbers that i find odd. like, did i really gain 2kg of muscle and lose 2kg of fat in a week? well...i suppose i should be happy that at least the trend has been towards fat loss so far. perhaps i need to focus on adjusting what i'm doing outside the gym...like sleeping earlier, for one. in a way, i'm kind of grateful that i'm not employed full-time, because i don't think that this feeling of tiredness would be beneficial to any job that i do.

so...i guess things will remain at status quo for now. maybe there might be a miracle, and JET will come through? unlikely, but one can hope. i should know within the next week, since the japan government should decide whether the travel ban will be extended through september by then. in the worst case scenario, i suppose there's one contact who i can approach for an intern/trainee kind of role. it won't be related to any of my existing knowledge, so i'm not sure if this contact will consider me at all. but if he's anything like he makes himself out to be on social media, the odds are fairly good. let's see how things develop in the next week.

-random thought of the day: Should write back to the IP firm.-

Not entirely sure how i should feel about the interview earlier today. it was beyond my expectations, certainly. i went in expecting to be grilled on patent-related knowledge. instead, i was briefly asked about patent-related knowledge, and grilled on chemistry knowledge! thankfully, i think i held up well enough in the chemistry realm, although a few questions were completely outside my area of expertise, like "can you get different molecular weights from a given sample of polymer?" the answer is yes, and it's because the number of polymer molecules and hence, the molecular weights, follow a certain distribution. so depending on how the data is processed, different numbers may emerge. i think i got lucky in the sense that my interviewer was an organic chemist, so my area of knowledge kind of overlaps with his a bit, and i was able to answer what i guess he thought were the tougher questions. he did skim very briefly across thermodynamics, like asking me to state any of the laws of thermodynamics. there were some more interesting questions as well, like "how does a refrigerator work?". on the patent side, i got a few questions on claim interpretation wrong. i guess i still have a ways to go in being tuned to the patent attorney way of thinking. but to me, the most positive sign i have is that the interview lasted for about 1 hour and 45 minutes. it wouldn't make sense for them to talk to a candidate that they weren't interested in for such a long period of time, right? or that might just be something that they have to do to get a better feel for a candidate. whatever the case, i should know the outcome within a week from now.

-random thought of the day: Feeling lazy today.-

Surprise, surprise! the IP firm decided to interview me after all. i wonder why they changed their mind, but maybe it's best not to ask too many questions. due to COVID, they're asking for a skype interview, which is something i've never done before. i'm nervous about it, but i figure that it'll be ok as long as i set up properly and don't encounter any technical issues. still debating on whether to use a tablet or laptop for the interview, as well as looking for a good location. have to make these decisions quickly, since the interview is scheduled for next week.

while talking to my friend from the previous IP firm, she told me that my ex-mentor had been promoted to principal. i shouldn't be affected by the news, since it's unlikely that we'll ever work together again, but a part of me feels...dissatisfied, in a way. the thought in my head is like, 'how can that kind of person get promoted?' but credit where it's due, she's a good patent attorney; we just didn't get along due to differences in working styles. and her being the superior, naturally her style was the "correct" one. it's a bit of a false correlation, isn't it? how personable someone is doesn't relate much with their competence at a job. for instance, there are brilliant scientists who are horrible people. but having said that, the goodness/badness of a person is independent of their scientific aptitude. so, 4 permutations actually exist for that example. good scientist/good person, good scientist/bad person, bad scientist/good person, and bad scientist/bad person. i was quite amused when my friend shared that this ex-mentor didn't seem to have luck with her trainees. either they clashed in some way (as in my case), or the ones that she got along with ended up resigning before the end of their probation. it makes me more inclined to believe that the problem wasn't really on my end. not saying that i'm blameless, just that perhaps i might have done better under a different, more forgiving mentor. back to my initial thought on how someone like her could get promoted, i guess trainee retainership isn't one of her KPIs. but that's in the past, and i should take away learning points, not resentment.

this thought of separating different aspects of a person kind of leads nicely into my next thought, which is about separating a person from their creations. it probably didn't make much news over here, but JK rowling (yes, of harry potter fame) recently(?) made some comments that were perceived to be transphobic. i don't have the exact quote, but it was something implying that trans women weren't women and were a danger to biologically female people. now, i'm no gender studies expert or trans rights activist, so my personal views don't count for anything. i just think that it is better to approach matters like this from a perspective of kindness and empathy. i don't doubt that there are individuals who pretend to be trans to prey on others, but saying that all trans people are pretenders is a gross generalization. that's like saying all middle-eastern people are terrorists, or all catholic priests prey on children. but well, the purpose of this isn't to change her mind. rather, it's to examine if it's ok to like something created by someone with such objectionable opinions. granted, she's already made her billions by now, so it's too late for a call to action. but supposing that she just released the first harry potter book...would it be "ok" to buy it if you knew that the author was transphobic? there's no correct answer, since people have the freedom to decide how their money is spent. personally, i think that i might try to read the first book in a library first, and i'd buy subsequent books provided that i like the first one. again, you may agree or disagree, and that's your right to do so. i'm just hypothesizing on what i'd have done.

plan get fit has been progressing pretty well, i'm still pretty much on the bandwagon for healthy eating, and my most recent body scan says i've lost another kg or so of weight, and a couple percentage points of body fat. makes me wonder which contributes more - gym or eating right? it's probably both. while the progress is good for now, i'll have to manage my expectations for when the plateau occurs. in the meantime, i just have to go in and lift until the weight becomes too heavy. also, if i so happen to slip up and eat something i'm not supposed to, i have to remember to do damage control. the analogy with which this was explained to me was "having one slice of cake is not good, but eating the whole damn cake is worse".

it wasn't strictly necessary, but i also bought another pen. my reasons are twofold: first, the pens that i have now are rather ostentatious, with trim rings, cap bands, etc. i feel a little bit awkward about using them in a work setting. so, i went with something more understated this time. the body is basically unadorned, except for a clip and very non-obvious branding. the second reason is that the pen has a pretty cool filling system - something called a magnetic piston. some reviewers have said that it's a gimmick, but i think it's pretty cool. considering that this is my first "luxury" purchase in about a year, i think it's still within reason.

right, that's about all the updates i have for now. have to drop by kallang to restock on almonds tomorrow, and maybe get some salmon to tide me over until my next big groceries run. have to confirm the aforementioned skype interview with the IP firm, and find a suitable location. separately, i'm also covering an additional class for tuition on thursday, which means more money! that's never a bad thing, right?

-random thought of the day: Don't freeze vegetable soup.-

Doors opening and closing is my preferred metaphor to describe the coming and going of opportunities in life. and having a door closed in your face, no matter how gently, doesn't feel very good. the other IP firm said that they weren't hiring at the moment, so that was a bit of a downer. based on my initial correspondence, i formed a not-good impression of them. for one, they used the wrong salutation and addressed me as "ms". i don't know how unisex my name is, but i do have a gender-neutral title which could have been used instead. that's what i would to to play safe if i wasn't sure how to address the other party. that's not the worst thing. i mean, i can overlook that because i didn't specify anywhere that i am male. the second thing was that they mispelled my name. it appeared more than once in my cover letter and resume, so i don't think there's an excuse...except maybe that the person was unfamiliar with it. but to look at it from the other perspective, i suppose that i should be grateful that they even bothered to respond. i followed up a little, and they told me to try again next year, when they had more certainty about business plans. i think that was a fairly decent redemption.

while i said that it didn't feel good, i actually don't feel as bad about it as i imagined that i would. perhaps part of it is due to me still wanting to end up in japan. as scary JC friend said, maybe my heart wants what it wants. i think that there's a second reason though; that's because i also felt a sense of relief upon getting the rejection...because i wouldn't have to present myself to others in my current physical state. perhaps it's not the right time to pursue a career in IP.

i thought it quite interesting how my perspective shifted after getting the rejection. before that, i was kind of hoping that JET would get pushed to next year, so that i could have more time to accrue working experience. but now that i don't have a position with them (yet?), i'm hoping that japan will sort itself out and that departure will be possible this year, in spite of all the news and rising cases. well, the current plan of action is to see how things go in september. in the likely case that travel isn't yet possible, i guess that i'll look for a 6- to 12-month contract job. also have to see whether my contract for tuition will be renewed at the end of the year. while i wouldn't be surprised at them letting me go to cut costs, i'm hoping that that won't be the case.

everything happens for a reason, and in its own time. perhaps i need to focus on what's available/important to me at this point in time, namely my fitness plan. it does feel a little wasteful though, like there are more things that i could be doing. guess i need to find ways to channel my energy productively.

-random thought of the day: Remember to get the car inspected within the month!-

As expected, post frequency has decreased on this side, due to me posting more on the fitness tracking blog. nevertheless, i will still maintain the bare minimum of at least 1 post per calendar month here, so not to worry.

this past week, i've mainly been occupied with trying to find a workout routine that worked. initially, i took inspiration from my previous workout routines at genesis, but then i saw this 5X5 workout, meaning 5 sets of 5 reps of a few exercises. it's heavily barbell-based, so i'm still figuring it out as i go. but so far, i think that i'm at a level where i'm challenged, but not unreasonably so. one thing i (re-)discovered is that my capacity for cardio is far lower than i'd thought. like, i was thinking of supplementing my weights with some time on the treadmill/elliptical machine, but i can't even last walking 5 minutes on them. while i'm unfit, i'm sure that i'm fit enough to finish a 5-minute walk, which leads me to believe that it's more of a mental block than anything. perhaps i should just walk around the neighbourhood...the changing scenery should be more tolerable than walking in place.

nutrition-wise, i think i'm doing pretty good so far. come to think of it, i've had a pescetarian diet for the past week without even planning it! also doing good on resisting temptation as far as chocolate goes, so props to myself there too. again, i'm thankful that i don't really struggle with many food cravings/addictions. i've been reading that all that's required for weight loss is to maintain a calorie deficit. like, there are people who have lost weight despite eating fast food exclusively. from a scientific perspective, it does make sense. energy is energy, the source doesn't matter. but of course, eating healthy food will provide other nutrients, like vitamins.

modifying behaviour is as much mental as it is physical, perhaps even more so. i've read stories about how some people treat hunger as a negative feeling because they associate with poverty and not having enough to eat. while i don't think that i face that specific problem, i do associate hunger with discomfort, which i usually try to relieve. that results in a lot of unnecessary consumption, which doesn't help my weight at all. so, i'm trying to change my mindset a little to consider hunger a positive thing - that calories are being burned. of course, the other extreme is i'll overdo it and develop an eating disorder, but i think i'm pretty far away from that. or, i could just drink more water to fill my stomach up. whatever works, right?

another thing i'm learning is portion control/regulation. splitting up the components of a single meal into multiple smaller snacks over a longer period of time helps me to feel full for longer with the same amount of calories. this also means that i'm more of a "eat throughout the day" kind of person. there are benefits to intermittent fasting too, so i try and balance it out. like, eat for a longer period on gym days, less so for non-gym days. it's working well so far, but that's not saying much since it's only been a week.

part of my tracking plan involves getting a body scan every week. the gym has one of those machines which can scan body composition, so it provides a bit more insight. this particular machine also measures several other parameters like waist circumference (i have no idea how), and mass distribution in different areas, ie. right and left, arms and legs. i was surprised to see that despite being right-side dominant, my left side has more mass. each left limb is only about 70g heavier than its counterpart on the right, so i think i'm still fairly balanced. the weight and body fat readings though, really surprised me. according to the machine, i've lost about 2kg of body fat and put on 700g of muscle in the past 6 days, giving a net weight loss of 1.3kg and a waist size reduction of 2cm. i used the same machine for both scans, so the systematic error should cancel out. there could still be random error, but i don't know how much of it there is. assuming that the machine is accurate, this result is similar to what i achieved after a month with genesis! i'm not saying that genesis is ineffective, because i also experienced an increase in strength there. besides, it might just be that i'm more disciplined with my food intake now as compared to before. or maybe i didn't have enough time to recover between workouts at genesis, as i had back-to-back workout days. whatever the case, i think it's a positive start, and that helps to keep me motivated.

in other news, i'm facing a bit of a dilemma as far as the future is concerned. you know that JET is basically stalled, and i was putting feelers out to an IP firm. my contact says there's inside news that an opening might become available soon, which means i stand a better chance if i apply. my main worry is that i'll be tempted to give up on JET if the application goes well and i adapt well to the company culture. so far, both people i've asked said that just one year with a company won't look too bad on the resume, especially since i have a good reason for it. right now, i think my best bet is to apply for the IP firm and see how the next year plays out. i'm reasonably sure that travel to japan won't be possible by this september, given that the number of daily new COVID cases is still high. then, we'll see how things go from there. i may find that IP is not really in my blood. or, JET may not work out. i just hope that those two thing don't happen together. on a plus side, that means that i can keep going to the gym, since they have a branch near the IP firm's office.

oh, it's national day today. i totally don't feel festive, because (1) i normally don't anyway, and (2) celebrations are more muted this year because of COVID. like, having the usual parade would just be a disaster waiting to happen, what with the crowds and all. this also means that i can get my groceries tomorrow, and take the car to a less-crowded branch of the gym, instead of public transport (because cheaper/free parking). good thing too, because i'm feeling a little sore from yesterday. should still try and get some mobility exercises done.

moving forward, the plan is to apply to the IP firm (tuesday, because tomorrow is a carry-over holiday from today). if they don't take me, then basically nothing changes. if they do take me, i'll do my best to learn and fit in with the company. come next year, we'll see how the situation develops. if i'm not happy in the IP firm and if JET is set to happen, then i'll leave. but in the event that the IP firm is good to me, manageable workload, less stress, then i may consider letting JET go. after all, there are other ways to end up living in japan. i suppose the guiding principle here is choosing a path that will leave me with as few lasting regrets as possible.

-random thought of the day: Getting extra classes this month!-

Unexpectedly, the embassy sent us another email earlier today...just to tell us that there were no new updates. don't get me wrong, i appreciate that they're bothering to keep us in the loop, but it's so frustrating! while the embassy is still keeping the possibility of a 2020 departure open, signs are increasingly indicating that it won't be possible. as i think i've mentioned before, japan is experiencing a second wave of COVID infections. and even before that, i had an inside source tell me that a particular prefecture was planning for the coming academic year under the assumption that they would not be getting any new JETs. the most frustrating thing is that there's nobody to blame. COVID is like a once-in-a-generation occurrence, and it's just bad timing that it's happening now. it's another one of those "i did everything right and still lost" scenarios. everything within my control was done to the best of my ability - the application package, the interview, accepting the offer. i suppose that if i really wanted someone/something to blame, i could blame the japanese government for not doing more to curb the spread of the virus, or for not allowing us to go under special consideration. while i can't speak for the other shortlisted applicants, i for one would be willing to take a pre-departure COVID test and agree to any duration of quarantine that the japanese government may see fit to subject me to before allowing me to teach, if all that just means that i could travel to japan this year.

due to this, i also began exploring other alternatives. not to end up in japan, but to earn money. by some stroke of coincidence, my friend in the previous IP firm has a contact who's working in another IP firm, and she was kind enough to bug her contact for info on my behalf. according to the source, working at this other IP firm is less stressful, but for a lower pay. that's a compromise that i'd probably be willing to take...provided they don't go too low. i've read reviews on jobstreet, which mentioned that the firm in question offered excellent work-life balance, but there was limited opportunity for progression. then again, those reviews were written by admin/support staff, and not by people actually working on the patent side, so i'm taking it with some salt. since my friend already went through so much trouble on my behalf, i feel a little obligated to send in an application (yes, i know that shouldn't be the case). but this leads to another dilemma...

...what if i land this IP job, and have to go for JET? right now, the most likely scenario is that we're going over next year, so it won't be nice (both to the company and on the resume) to work there for just a year before quitting. would this mean that i have to give up on JET? maybe. actually, to look at it from another perspective, it's good that i have more options. so in case one doesn't work out, i can go with others. maybe i was too optimistic, and working in this firm really cements the fact that i don't like IP? or what if for some reason, travel to japan is still impossible next year? in both of these cases, i have something to fall back on (assuming that this IP firm hires me, of course). the best-case scenario would be that everything goes my way, ie. i love work at the new IP firm, and JET is proceeding as scheduled for next year. although that raises a different kind of problem - that of which i should choose. there's no "correct" answer, but i'll think about that when it becomes relevant. i'm already making too many assumptions as it is.

-random thought of the day: Got a blister on my sole from wearing slippers on a long walk.-