Summing up the year in one post isn't easy. nevertheless, i've been doing my best for the last few years, and this year will be no exception. but before i start, i'd just like to say that it doesn't feel like the last day of the year today. maybe i'll believe it when i see that my phone calendar displays 2010 tomorrow.

anyway, to start off, i'd say that my theme for 2009 is "The Start of Something New". incidentally that's the title of the very first song in the very first movie of the high school musical series. i think the reason for the choice in theme in kind of obvious, so i won't really elaborate on that. i will say one thing though: back in 2005, i did say that there is no such thing as a completely new beginning, considering that previous acquaintances will somehow figure into your life at various points in time. i guess this year is as close to a new beginning as i'll get, considering that i haven't really seen that many people that i know floating around in NUS. that's actually both a good and bad thing. good because i can be less inhibited (not that i have been...sadly), and bad because there's no sense of familiarity.

let's briefly look at this year's resolutions and see how i did:

- Get my driving license by May 2009. (not done. no choice; no test slots)
- Pass all driving theory and practical tests on the first try. (yes for theory, no for practical)
- Not get into any accidents after acquiring the license. (yes, so far)
- Keep in reasonably good shape by consistent exercise. (mmm...no. even after going back into judo, no.)
- Kick a bad childhood habit. (i'm undecided on this...half, i guess)
- Survive in university (and get into the top 20% of my class). (while i survived, i didn't do as well as i'd thought i would)
- Be more outgoing/self-confident. (generally, my outgoing-ness has remained about the same, which isn't much to begin with)
- Engage brain before mouth under all circumstances. (not always, but most of the time)

i think my adherence to this year's resolutions could have been stronger. as it is, i know i haven't been putting 100% into every single thing i did. and i guess it shows. the main thing holding me back is laziness, which causes procrastination. while it's easy to make ambitious plans, that doesn't count for anything unless the plans are actually carried out.

this year, i've learnt a lot of stuff, both in and out of school. some of them are common-sensical, like how to observe a person properly (from the coaching course), while it's difficult to wrap your brain around some of the other stuff (quantum theory being THE major example here). some of them were learnt pretty easily and comfortably, while others tested my limits (coaching primary 3 kids being the major example HERE). but theoretical stuff aside, i've also learned several more life skills, like to be less trusting of people whom i don't know that well. i guess it's true what my friends say - that i'm gullible. personally, i prefer to think that i'm willing to give people a fair chance to justify themselves, but same difference in the end. well, after a pretty expensive lesson early on in the year, i'm now salting most of the stuff that i hear. all in all, i've acquired some new knowledge and skills which will benefit me someday.

for some reason, i think that i've become more easily-annoyed this year. from idiots on public transport, to people who don't keep left on the escalator. i think it's because i didn't really have to deal with such social issues while i was in army, considering i was in camp 5 days a week. i'm sure this has been around for WAY longer than i've been in army, but i probably didn't notice it back then.

several times this year, i've been wondering whether i was switched at birth. i can't understand how some aspects of my character can be so different from the others in the family. i swear, i get along with my extended family/relatives and friends better than i do with most people in my immediate family. kind of messed up, huh? looking at it objectively, my verdict that it's due to a lack of communication. once again, isn't it ironic that it's easier to talk to extended family/friends than to talk to immediate family? guess i'm the oddball.

aside from all that, this year actually passed by really quickly! i wasn't expecting that, due to the LONG-ASS slacking period, but apparently, even that had to end sometime. and as you can see from the disorganized-ness of this post, i'm shaking off the last residual effects of army. but honestly, i don't have much else to say, except that 2009 turned out pretty good. sure, it should have been way better, but i'm satisfied with it as it is. overall rating on the happiness scale: 7.

right now, i have to step outside for a bit to dispose of some stuff (mainly the boxes and waste material from my bookshelf assembly), and grab dinner. i think tomorrow's new year post will be longer than this one. no promises, but that's how i feel now. of course, that's provided i'm not too drained by the new year mahjong session which my friends organized.

-random thought of the day: Have to go exchange a screwdriver at the hardware store.-

Reached home a short while ago. yes, i finally gathered sufficient motivation to go to east coast. spent about 2 hours there skipping stones on the sea surface, watching people enjoy themselves, and thinking about my year thus far. here's something funny i noticed while skipping stones. out of the 40 or so stones i tried to skip, some of them didn't skip at all. most of them skipped once, and two of them skipped thrice. however, zero stones skipped twice...and i don't know why. i'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for that using statistics and/or quantum theory, but i really couldn't be bothered to think about it right now.

anyway, let's get back to the primary objective for the trip. i did manage to mentally review my year, and more or less confirm my theme for 2009 (it's been floating in my head since last year). however, it seems that this year's session was a little less helpful than previous years' ones, mainly because i've already had most of it planned out prior to the trip. still, it wasn't COMPLETELY wasted, since i did think of a few possible alternatives should i be feeling ambitious. i also managed to come up with some ideas for my 2010 new year's post, including some resolutions. all in all, i'd say it was 2 hours that were pretty well-spent.

i have a feeling that my jaw's slightly out of alignment. there's quite a noticeable shift when i open my mouth too wide. i was hoping that it would naturally crack back into position, but that hasn't happened yet. well, at least it's not causing major discomfort or problem. i'd really like it to sort itself out, but if that doesn't happen, i'll have to go to the chinese doctor (probably by thursday, since friday is new year's day) to get it fixed.

ok...time to plan for the upcoming few days. there are a couple of new story ideas floating around in my head, so i'll probably do some writing. aside from that, i have to log into CORS to check out the modules available, and to decide what electives i'll be going for in the upcoming semester. as another reminder to myself, wednesday afternoons are to be cleared for coaching. aside from that, i'll probably get in a short run sometime in the next few days. then, i'll do my year-end post on thursday, followed by the new year's post on friday. if information is correct, judo training should have resumed already, and i'll go for it on saturday. last thing on the list is physics tuition with my sec 3 (well, soon-to-be sec 4) kid, and that's set for sunday. looks like a good way to start gearing up for next semester. considering the ideal schedule i have in mind, i'll definitely need preparation.

-random thought of the day: Time to change my template design?-

This year's christmas was quiet. well, quieter than usual anyway. didn't really celebrate much, just went to my third paternal uncle's place for dinner yesterday. saw some of the relatives from my dad's side of the family. it's a change, considering how i'm used to seeing them only on chinese new year (which, incidentally, is in another 2 months or so).

speaking of which, 2009 is ending! i can't remember when i noticed this, but there's exactly one week separating christmas of one year and new year of the next. kind of brainless, but i thought it was cool when i first noticed it. if i'm not mistaken, next year will be the first time since 1998 that new years' day falls on a friday, and school begins on the latest date possible, january 4th. too bad it doesn't affect me any more, since school begins in mid-january for me.

i've done some browsing around in CORS, and if the information is accurate, my major modules' lecture times will not clash with coaching...provided the coaching time doesn't change. now, all i need to do is figure out what electives i want to take. japanese does look tempting, but i just worry that it's too memory-intensive. maybe this upcoming semester would be a good time to fulfill my singapore studies requirement. hmm...i'll have more details when CORS re-opens for bidding, so i'll leave it until then.

i can't believe making an east coast trip is turning out to be this difficult. the ironic thing is that it's not even a group outing, and i don't have to coordinate anything with anyone. guess it's the distance factor. ok. that's it. i'd better commit to something, otherwise nothing will materialize. i'll go to east coast tomorrow. i just hope it doesn't rain.

last thing i want to blog about: driving. apparently, driving once a week isn't sufficient practice. my judgement still isn't as good as i'd like it to be. sian. oh well. at least there haven't been any accidents. but i do realize that i have to be way more alert when on the road. guess i need more time...or more practice.

-random thought of the day: My jaw's aching...-

Visiting the dentist today just reminded me that i should stay away from that place as much as i possibly can. the treatment hurt like hell! it wasn't a constant dull pain; i can withstand that. instead, it was random jabs of sharp pain on/in my teeth. weird, huh? on the bright side, turns out i don't have any cavities! instead, the sensitivity was caused by my teeth wearing out. the dentist used a cool UV(?) light to check for wear and tear, like those seen in the colgate commercials! i still have no idea how the back sides of the teeth can wear out faster than the front/bottom sides, but oh well. i'm not trained in dentistry, so i'll take his word for it.

basically, treatment involved using some funny compound to cover up the sensitive areas, then setting it using some funny piece of equipment (which caused the pain). as a result, my bite is slightly off in alignment, since i think he used a slightly thicker coat of the compound on one of my teeth. it feels odd right now, but i was told that that compound would wear down with daily activities, so i suppose it'll only be a matter of time before i either get used to my new bite alignment, or wear down the compound sufficiently to revert back to my previous one.

since i was already there, i got my teeth cleaned as well. thankfully, this process was slightly less painful than the patching, though my gums ended up bleeding. i wonder - do dentists do anything that doesn't involve pain? guess i haven't been visiting the dentist as often as i ought to, otherwise, i doubt it would hurt as much. but i suppose the pain (and blood) was worth it, since it got rid of some deposits between my teeth which i haven't been able to clear. and i suppose that's why biannual visits to the dentist are necessary, because their nice shiny instruments (which spin really, really quickly) can clean teeth better than any toothbrush on the market.

as far as i remember, my first visit to the dental clinic was in december 2007 (my J1 year), for the wisdom tooth extraction. while waiting to settle the bill, i had a chance to look at my patient record card. turns out that my first visit was actually when i was in sec 1! heh. who'd have thought?

made a detour to the tampines branch of ikea after my dental appointment. purpose: to scout for bookshelves. saw a couple of candidates, but there wasn't anything that i fell in love with at first sight. halfway through browsing, my dad thought of asking one of his contacts to custom make a bookshelf. i only wonder why the idea didn't strike him sooner. anyway, i just passed him a sketch of my ideal design for him to show his friend. we still bought some stuff from ikea, in case the quoted price was too astronomical (and to make sure the trip wasn't completely wasted). luckily, ikea has this policy where you can get a 100% refund within 100 days from the date of purchase, provided that everything hasn't been assembled yet. that means the last possible day i can return the stuff i bought is april 3rd next year. i don't expect the price quote and negotiations for the custom bookshelf to take that long, but excess time is better than having to rush everything. see how it goes, i guess.

this is the 6th (i think...might be 5th) year that i've sent out christmas cards. decided to change my writing format a little, so that it looks more continuous. think i'll stick to the new format for subsequent years. i sent 22 cards this year, which (if memory serves,) is one of the most, if not THE most, number of cards i've sent out in any given year. hopefully they'll reach their intended recipients by today, because i really don't know if i managed to make the 5:00pm posting deadline yesterday. here's hoping that i did, though.

had dinner with a couple of my JC friends last night. they were telling me all about their recent CIP trip to cambodia, where life is slow-paced and people look younger than they actually are. after hearing them out, i'm tempted to go there for a short holiday. the only things that might not agree with me are the food and the lack of electricity. even though i've taken steps to include vegetables in my diet, i'm not prepared to go vegetarian for any length of time. well, at least that's one potential new tourist destination for me to consider.

one topic of discussion that came up was about routines. i briefly mentioned that i had some annual routines, mainly new-year posts, east coast trips, sending christmas cards, and year-end posts. my friend (who got 4.05 out of 4 for his GPA...i'm jealous.) mentioned that routines are comforting. see? i knew that human beings were naturally change-resistant! and speaking of routines...

right now, the most glaring/out-standing thing i have left to do is to go for my east coast walk. that will happen tomorrow, provided (1) the weather is clear/favourable, and (2) we're going to my cousin's place for christmas. actually, condition #2 isn't all that important, since i can just take the bus (or even convince my aunt to let me drive back!). but if the weather's screwy, then i'll have to shelve plans and push them to a later date. at any rate, my east coast trip MUST be done before the year ends.

well, i figure i've hit my word-quota for this post. no, i don't actually have a word quota. it's just another way of saying that i'm done with blogging for now. the weather is nice and cool, so i think i'll have a pretty relaxing christmas eve...though i still have this urge to grab a nail file and grind down the back of my over-patched tooth.

-random thought of the day: Should I risk going to Orchard Road later?-

My results are currently in an SMS in my phone. normally, i would list all of them out, then blog about them collectively. however, since NUS runs on the module system, i think it's better if i analyze the results module-by-module. here goes:

modern chem: B+
it's sort of expected, considering i messed up 2 labs, a bit of the mid-term, and parts of the final exam. to think i thought that this module would be brainless! well, it is, but you have to be fast and accurate when answering exam questions. apparently, i wasn't accurate enough. still, i'm more or less satisfied with the result.

physical chem: B-
looks like i really screwed up the final paper. taking my decent labs and mid-term into account, i was expecting between a B+ to an A-. guess not. then again, i never did like physical chem all that much anyway.

maths: B+
i know i threw marks away in the final, so i guess i can live with this one. still feels kind of wasted though.

bio: A-
i don't know how to feel about this one. i could have done better, since i threw away some marks in the lab component. but i could have done worse too, considering i guessed a few answers in the final. balances out to be neutral, i guess.

physics: A
it's kind of conceited of me to say that this was somewhat expected, but it more or less was. the only thing i wasn't sure of was whether it was going to be an A, A-, or A+. i mean, i did A-level physics, and this is a GEM module! only thing that kind of worried me for a while was the group presentation project.

CAP: 4.1

so, that's the breakdown of my semester's result. in general, i'm satisfied, because the actual result is actually the same as my highest predicted one. of course, i have to aim MUCH higher. after all, i'd be short-changing myself if i remained stagnant here. furthermore, i would not be upholding Mr Lee's principle of constantly pushing yourself, no matter how high up you are already (see his devotion story which i posted sometime in 2004). i do find it kind of ironic/sad that i scored better for my elective modules than i did for my cores. but that helped to pull my grades up, so i'm not complaining (much). as a side-note, had i known my actual and predicted results were going to match, i would have predicted 4.9 or something like that. damn it. yes, i know it doesn't work that way, but one can dream, right?

now that i have 1 semester behind me, there are 5 (or 7, depending on honours candidacy) to go! as far as first semesters go, i think this one didn't turn out too badly. sure, there's still room for improvement (0.9 CAP points' worth), but there's way more room for deprovement. unsurprisingly, the latter is easier to achieve than the former.

this semester also has (had? has had?) its fair share of learning points. i've mentioned most of them sometime or another in my previous posts, so i won't really reiterate them here. on second thought, i will, as a reference:

- no handwritten lab reports or assignments, EVER. unless the professor specifies, of course.
- make sure lab reports and all graded assignments are ai-zai.
- skipping tutorials is ok, as long as you know what the hell's going on.
- don't be afraid to email professors/tutors to clarify doubts.
- under all circumstances (especially exams), stay calm.
- don't trust everything fellow students say, especially if you don't know them that well.
- trustworthy seniors are a valuable source of information/help/advice.
- i have to choose my modules carefully. S/Us are precious.

bearing all these in mind, i hope my subsequent semesters' grades will at least match up to, if not surpass, those from this past semester. at present, it looks like i'm on track for my honours goal. let's keep it that way.

now that the anticipation, mental anguish and all that are all over, i guess i can relax until it's time for me to bid for next semester's modules. so, if you'll excuse me, i'm going to rock out to bon jovi.

-random thought of the day: I have conflicting emotions.-

Gloomy weather is somehow negatively affecting my mood. sure, it's been nice and cool the entire day, but something feels off. probably because it's been darker than it normally would be. i think i need to get out of the house more.

but wait...i just did that! convinced my dad to join me in bookshelf hunting. we spent a total of about 90 minutes going to the ang mo kio branch of courts, as well as a furniture sale in jalan pemimpin (i swear, i still can't spell that from memory). nothing really appealed to me at both locations. or rather, nothing really appealed to me at the furniture sale, since courts doesn't even have bookshelves to begin with. all the potential choices were lacking something, from stability, to colour, to wheels, to (excessive) height. or maybe i was being fussy? i was entertaining thoughts that the ideal bookshelf would jump out from nowhere, yelling, "here i am!"...but no such luck. looks like i'll have to go to ikea after all, probably sometime tomorrow.

one of my friends' MSN personal messages just caught my eye. it goes, "nature's first green is gold". a cookie to you if you can tell me where this line originally comes from, or which lower secondary literature book uses it, or better yet, both. seeing that line certainly brought back memories of my horrible attempts to appreciate literature. i even remember trying to write a few poems (all of which are subject to "burn on sight" orders if they ever resurface). up till now, the beauty of poems still elude me. probably the only poems i can appreciate are those intended to be humorous. bleh. i suppose no single person can master everything in his/her lifetime. thank goodness i'm not a literature major.

sometimes, i wonder how two people who are almost polar opposites in character can decide to get married. yes, i know that opposites attract and all that, but isn't that for the short term? i mean, sooner or later, conflicts will arise from the sheer opposite-ness, right? case in point: my parents. my dad is more laid back (a trait which i'm extremely grateful that i inherited), while my mum is a typical kancheong spider. let's use a very simple example, like housework. ok, maybe because it's a male thing, but my dad (and i) do(es) not have problems with putting the housework off for one - or even two - days. it's not like the dust/dirt which accumulates over that short period of time will kill, right? perhaps it's the difference between standards in gender or something like that. i just don't see how minor things like that can lead to arguments.

i'm getting tired, so i'll stop for now. if there's one thing i wish i didn't inherit, it's the ability to procrastinate. arrgh. i must at least get started on those damned christmas cards tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Nothing's on my mind right now.-

Nothing significant has happened between now and the last post. i'm just blogging to record something i noticed.

now that i'm in university, secondary school and JC seem so far away. the realization that a lot of my juniors have already started, or will soon be starting national service does makes me feel old sometimes. some of the juniors (mainly those who are 1 year younger than me) have already ORD-ed! and the small little sec 1 kids i saw when i was in J2? they're going to start JC/poly next year, then it'll be their turn to go into army once their term of study ends. i know that this sort of progress is all a part of life, but it seems so surreal sometimes. i can't imagine what it's like for a parent, to watch their children grow starting from day 1. maybe i'm finally understanding why older relatives keep commenting on how much we've grown every time they see us during the new year period. either that, or i'm thinking too much due to having too much free time. think i'll head to bed now, then start on my christmas cards tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Perhaps I'll visit East Coast on Christmas Day...-

From the reduction in update frequency recently, you might think that i've been tremendously busy. well, that's half-true. i've had my busy days, but i've had unbelievably slack days too. guess it sort of averages out.

probably the most significant thing i've done over the past few days is to clean up my room. everything looks more organized, and now that i've moved my books, i have more space on my bed (yes, i had books on my bed. am i the only one to have done this?)! problem is, i'm still bound by the law of conservation of mass. in non-scientific terms, i need to find somewhere else to put my books. that's led to me considering an ikea/courts trip one of these days to get a bookshelf. incidentally, can anyone advise on which place to go to? personally, i'm more inclined towards ikea, but i'm willing to hear out any arguments in courts' favour.

went down to thomson plaza today. vhive was the first place that came to mind when i started looking for a bookshelf, so i went to visit the thomson plaza branch. unfortunately, they didn't have anything that suited my needs. while browsing through the store, i saw the new version of my computer chair. it uses flat bungee cords (bungee bands?) instead of round ones. based on common sense, i would guess that flat cords are more comfortable to sit on. that's not to say that round cords are uncomfortable, though. i'm perfectly fine with my current chair, so i'm not going to waste $198 (or $268 for the silver one, which i think has slightly better support) to find out the difference. not until my current chair gives problems, anyway. while i was there, i also managed to get my phone's screen protector replaced. the old one was peeling a little, and some parts of my screen weren't that well-protected. so far, i've used 3 protectors in the 11 months i've owned the phone, which means one protector lasts for close to 4 months on average. looks like the lifespan of each protector is kind of short. should take better care of my phone, i guess.

my oral problems (minds out of the gutter, now) are still, well, problematic. sensitive tooth aside, i've also sustained a wound/ulcer/something on the right side of my tongue. i'm lucky that both things are on the same side of my mouth, so i can use the left side for chewing. i've already made an appointment with my traditional family dentist (the same one i went to see to get my wisdom tooth out 4 years ago(!)). thing is, his first available opening's on christmas eve! to think i'd thought that i would be able to call a few hours in advance, pop in, and get it over and done with. the news was kind of complain-worthy at first, but my cousins in australia and invercargil (that's the southern- and westernmost city of new zealand) told me that waiting time could be as long as months to weeks respectively. relative to that, 10 days doesn't sound all that bad. in fact, it sounds fantastic. so, i'll just stick it out until then. hopefully it doesn't get worse. if it does, i suppose i could take a risk and visit the dental clinic at the MRT station. at least i think it's a dental clinic...it could just be a tooth whitening centre for all i know.

as for the next few days, there's nothing much in store. the most pressing things are to get my christmas cards written and to visit east coast. should be easy to get everything done on time, provided i focus.

-random thought of the day: Should I get new pillows?

Close to 3 days have passed since my last update. true to expectation, i haven't done all that much constructive stuff. probably the most significant thing i did was to clear up my computer table, getting rid of a bag's worth of trash in the process. i've also started to started to gather all my books into one place. now, all i need is somewhere inconspicuous to put them, as opposed to the pile they're lying in next to my computer. figure i'll work something out on sunday, when i start clearing up my room. bet there are a few lost books there as well.

in the time between the last post and now, i've managed to more or less normalize my sleeping hours. i'm typically in bed by 12:00am (12:30 latest), and i sleep until about 8:00+am or 9:00+am or so. don't know whether it's due to this or not, but i do feel a tiny bit more refreshed and alert when i wake up. not to the extent of jumping out of bed, ready to face the day (i will never be a morning person), but definitely less zombie-like. whatever's the reason for it, it's good. i could get used to these new sleeping hours.

here's my to-do list from a few posts back, modified to reflect the past few days' changes:
- visit east coast (probably in the next couple of weeks)
- write my christmas cards (by the 22nd of the month)
- consider making a few online purchases (within the next couple of weeks)
- consider going on a physical shopping trip
- clear up my room (on this coming sunday)
- research second-hand cars (not urgent, but it's good to have the information handy)
- plan an exercise schedule for the holidays, as well as for next semester
- write either a new chapter, or a new fanfiction

everything up there is pretty much self-explanatory, but i'd like to expand on a few points anyway. let's start with the "online purchases" one. right now, there are a couple of things which have caught my eye. one such thing is a green lantern ring, from guardianrings.com. oh...there's that batman ring too, from the same website. i'm interested to get them for purely aesthetic reasons (translated: they're pretty and shiny. i like...). including shipping, i think that will set me back by about $150. looks like that'll be my christmas present this year...provided everything works out, and the website is trustworthy. the other thing i'd like to buy online is star trek online. at present, i'm still holding back from committing to it, due to the possible negative influence it may have on my schoolwork. i'm thinking that i'll only buy it if they offer a lifetime subscription package, like they did for champions online. of course, there's the grades factor, too. if my CAP is anything below 3.9, i won't even consider it at all. even if both important criteria are cleared, there's still a choice of where to buy it from. to be honest, i'm not too keen on the pre-order stuff (though the borg bridge officer from amazon.com looks kind of cool). i also don't feel the need to jump headfirst into it as soon as it launches, unlike my friends. well, we'll see. there are still too many unknowns right now.

as for my car research, i've spent an afternoon or two browsing through several used-car websites. the common consensus is that a vios is probably the best car for me (as i'm a newbie driver), and i shouldn't pay more than $30 000 for it. i wonder, would i end up saving money if i got one of those off-peak cars and converted it to normal plates? i also intend to get a manual car, seeing as i could use the practice in multi-tasking while driving...you know, watching the road, shifting gears, and trying to keep up with the conversation within the car, all at the same time. besides, it would help with my sensitivity/feeling/timing, since i have to judge when to change the gears. another reason to choose manual over automatic is that i miss engine-braking too much! however, all this is just theory for now. i don't think i'll be getting a car anytime soon. nevertheless, it's good to have the information. that way, i can just pull out some figures in case anyone decides to buy me a car provided i have the sums worked out.

i've promised to begin my exercise plan on this coming monday. since i'm horribly unfit, all i'll do initially is some light to moderate cardiovascular exercise, like 3 to 5km runs (well, jogs, really) plus some physical training after that. problem is, i have to decide on a good time to do all those; when the pavements aren't too congested and when there aren't too many people to laugh at me (yes, i'm still quite self-conscious). sometimes, i wish i could use army camp facilities freely. i think it would increase my interest to run, especially since there's less chance of people judging you based on appearance and performance in camp. actually, i don't really need much, though a shower facility would be nice. only 2 places come to mind when "shower facility" is mentioned - the stadium, and school. then again, i'm not sure if the stadium has one in the first place. maybe i should recce it one of these days. i really hope it does, because it would be kind of stupid to go all the way to school just for a run and a shower. perhaps i should consider going for NUS judo training. i'll probably have to do some foundation work to get my stamina and strength up to acceptable standards first, hence the running and exercise. well, the training is set to begin this coming monday, and will last for the rest of the holidays. i figure i can miss out on a week or two to do my own training first. after all, there will be junior grades there, and i can't lose face in front of them, can i?

just this afternoon, i felt a jolt of pain in one of my teeth when i drank something cold. to make things worse, there's a lingering bloody taste in my mouth. looks like i'm overdue for a trip to the dentist. with it being so close to the holiday season, i hope i can catch him while he's open. better get it over and done with as soon as possible. it's not wise to drag this sort of stuff. but between now and then, 'till i see you again... i'll just have to bear with it.

mmm...this is a surprisingly long post, in view of the relative slack-ness. then again, most of this post is more about what i plan on doing, as opposed to what i did. i still have a couple of things weighing on my mind, but i think i've done enough writing for one day.

-random thought of the day: 5th anniversary gathering tomorrow!-

To think that i'd thought that i wouldn't have anything to write about! guess coaching matters do make good blogging material. speaking of which, today's coaching session was a little more slack than normal. most of the kids weren't performing up to expectation, though. it could be because of the simulated competition environment. i suppose it could also be because today was their last training session of the year. one way or the other, their standard kind of slipped. i'm not too worried about it right now, because they'll forget almost everything during their break anyway.

after coaching, we had a little meeting to discuss plans for the upcoming year. being an assistant, all i had to do was sit down, listen in, nod my head a couple of times, and pretend to be interested. the brief meeting made me realize exactly how easily i zone out. despite my inattention, i caught a few key points. most of them are irrelevant to the topic i'm going to bring up, so we'll ignore them.

the few points discussed during the meeting which i will talk a little about is the training times and number of coaches. right now, we're tentatively set for 1 session a week on wednesday, from 2:00pm to 4:00pm. if my schedule for the next semester is going to be the same as that of my previous semester, i would be totally fine with it. problem right now is, i have no idea what next semester's schedule is like! sure, i can choose my GEMs and electives, but what if one of my core modules' lectures occupies that timeslot, with no alternative times? my boss is currently under the impression that the lecturer can change the timeslot if majority of the students agree. i don't know why he refuses to accept the fact that that is not the case in NUS. to think he was telling me to be open-minded and flexible. makes me wonder sometimes.

anyway, like i was saying earlier, if any of my classes happens to be on wednesday afternoons, during training time, i don't know what i'll do. i can't just quit like that, because part of the negotiated deal states that there must be at least 2 coaches per session, and so i will more or less have to be a permanent fixture there. in the event of a conflict in schedule, i suppose it comes down to what i deem is more important. here, i must pause to remind myself that right now, i am a student first, and a coach second. but, i'll worry about it only if there is something to worry about. for now, this is just a contingency plan to remind myself to keep wednesdays free for the upcoming semester.

most importantly now, i have a sleep deadline to obey. it would be good to sleep early and wake up early too. some other non-urgent things i want to blog about can wait for the next post, which should only come after a few days (for real this time!).

-random thought of the day: Relaxation!-

About 3 posts ago, i mentioned that completing the NCAP course has given me added confidence when i'm coaching. apparently, i'm not the only one to notice this, as my boss said something similar today. yays. shows that even though i'm commenting on myself, i'm not a biased source. well, i just hope that i can keep the (so-far-so-)good work up. still have one last training session tomorrow before the kids go on their break. it's a mini-tournament, so my guess is the coaches won't be all that involved. of course, we'll be supervising and all that, but we won't be correcting mistakes as often as we do on a normal training session.

unfortunately for me, having theory certification is only half the battle won (well, it's more like one-ninth of the battle in the grand scheme of things, but let's focus on the present for now). there's still a practical component to complement the theory. from what i've been told, my experience thus far as a bowler and assistant coach more or less covers everything i need to know at level 1, and may even go a little bit beyond the required syllabus for now. sadly, i still have to go through the 4-day practical course and take the full-day test, even if it's just a formality. i can deal with a week of lessons, but the course and test fees add up to $300! hello, hole in pocket. thankfully, i'll only have to worry about that next year, since this year's course is long over. just have to keep this in mind when planning my finances. hopefully, it won't clash with semester time. i'll just leave this to the higher powers to sort out.

my sleep cycle is messed up. now, this is usually not a big deal, since i've blogged about similar stuff happening before. i'm kind of worried that it's not "usual" this time. it might be because now that everyone at home who is of school-going age is on holiday, the average bedtime in my house has been pushed a couple of hours even further back. so i, for one, am typically sleeping at around 2:30am and waking up about 8 or 9 hours later (when i don't have coaching, that is). apparently, that's not healthy. therefore, i'm going to do what i did sometime during my long slack period, which is to set a "sleep-by" deadline for myself. since it's the holidays, i think i'll give a bit of chance and set it at 12:00am, starting tomorrow. before you say anything, tonight's deadline will be even earlier than that (11:30pm) due to coaching obligations tomorrow. so, that's a good start.

sometimes, i wonder why people can be so technologically-impaired. it's not my intention to stereotype, but it just so happens that the most tech-unsavvy people i know are middle-aged and/or female. that's not to say ALL middle-aged people or ladies are like that - one of the tech support personnel in NUS happens to be (you guessed it) a middle-aged lady. and yet, she regularly changes projectors and resolves problems for the professors. though i know a tiny bit more about this sort of stuff than the average person, i bet i'd still lose out to her. on the other side of the spectrum, i have an ex-army friend who's in the same university and course as me, and his IT standard is barely passable.

back to the initial topic, i don't know why people who fit into either (or both) of the categories mentioned earlier tend to ask for help immediately when something is wrong. it could be something minor, like the internet isn't working on a particular computer, or they can't open a file. i wouldn't mind helping if the problem was due to a virus attack or something that requires more-than-average knowledge to solve (not that i'm almighty, but at least i know where to look if i can't solve a problem myself). but when solving the supposedly big problem only requires the flick of a switch, or connection of a cable? that's kind of anticlimactic, if you ask me.

personally, i cannot understand why these people don't look around and try to solve the problem themselves. maybe they follow different thought patterns. don't know whether it's a guy thing, or whether it's from my signaller training, but every time i encounter a technology-related problem, i'll follow logical steps to try and solve it. you know, like seeing whether it's a hardware or software issue, or even whether it is within my power to solve the problem or not in the first place. maybe that's why people ask me for help...because i'll save them the trouble of troubleshooting. *random thought: wouldn't that just be "shooting" then?*

to add on, i'll help (or at least try to) even though the problem may be minor and idiotic. what really annoys the hell out of me is when the people who ask for help try to offer advice. i mean, if you click on a button and it doesn't work, will it make a difference if i click on the very same button? it's sort of like backseat driving, but less dangerous. besides, if i had wanted their input, i would have asked for it. the fact that they are unable to solve the problem and have asked for help means that they're acknowledging that i'm more proficient in that area than they are. sometimes, when people offer their opinions like that, i'm tempted to just throw the problem back to them and walk away. anyways, i think i've found a less confrontational way to solve both of these problems. i'm going to design a sign/card that says "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN" (remember the whole AWARE thing earlier this year?), maybe with a picture of the person who said it...or some other appropriate logo. then, i'll hang up the sign in the car whenever i'm driving! hopefully that will drive the message home. if it does, it'll totally be worth the $1 that i'll pay in school to have it printed in colour.

looks like i wasn't as over the backseat driving incident as i'd thought i was. heh. well, that mini-rant has helped to get rid of some (more) steam. i think the only time i'll be able to put it 100% behind me is when i next get the opportunity to have a nice, uninterrupted drive without unpleasant surprises. hopefully, circumstances will allow it to happen within the next few days.

ever since a couple of hours ago, i've started feeling soreness around my left (aka. more screwy) knee. it's centered around a tendon-y/muscle-y/soft tissue region, so i'm guessing it's that meniscus thing again. not sure what could have aggravated it, especially since i've been reminding myself to take it easy on the left leg. that makes the weather my greatest suspect at this point in time. after all, old peoples' joints tend to ache when the weather's cold and damp, right? does that make me old!!? oh noes. at least it's bearable for now.

i currently have about another hour before i have to follow my own deadline and go to sleep. i think i'll spend it in some nice, relaxed way. i just haven't decided on what exactly i'm going to do. i figure i'll find a way to entertain myself.

-random thought of the day: Happy 1-year ORD anniversary to me!-

Something tells me i overdid the post-exam slacking just a little. that "something" happens to be the fact that i've been oversleeping and missing a few morning appointments. of course, i've been sleeping kind of later than usual too, so that may play a part as well. nevertheless, i have to re-tune my body clock, or at least tweak it a little. can't afford to miss the coaching sessions which are scheduled for this coming monday and tuesday.

as a(nother) reminder to myself, here is a list of things i intend to do in the near future:
- get my hair trimmed (probably tomorrow)
- visit east coast (probably in the next couple of weeks)
- write my christmas cards (by the 22nd of the month)
- consider making a few online purchases (within the next couple of weeks)
- consider going on a physical shopping trip
- clear up my computer table and maybe my room (within this coming week)
- get my bank book updated (maybe tomorrow, before/after my haircut)
- consolidate and organize my books (also within this coming week)
- research second-hand cars (not urgent, but it's good to have the information handy)
- plan an exercise schedule for the holidays, as well as for next semester

there are probably some other things which i want/need to do, but they're not coming to mind right now. maybe that's a good thing, considering how long the list looks already. well, i figure it can't be that important if i can't remember it. i'll update this list if anything does suddenly come back to mind, though.

christmas mood has started floating around. i've been feeling it a little bit more, especially since i've promised not to let academic matters mess with my head for at least the remainder of the month. i think 12 years in the education system plus 2 years in NS have conditioned me to look forward to this time of the year. after all, it's the only time i get to spend a whole month completely away from school, free from any holiday homework. and, of course, my excellent planning allowed me to not set foot in camp for the majority of the month during NS days. so, i guess it's natural that i'm slowing down a little during this month. not that i was all that fast in the first place, but what the heck.

i think i'll go to orchard road one night, just to see the christmas lights (yay rhyme!). i've seen them once or twice before, but it wouldn't hurt to go once more (ok...now i'm pushing it). seriously though, looking at christmas lights does lift my spirits. and i think it would be nice to just take a leisurely stroll down the street, admiring the view. only things that worry me are the possibility of rain, and the crowd that's sure to be present. well, i figure i'll check the weather forecast to solve the first problem, and only go at a day/time when the crowd is expected to be the least populous to solve the second. whatever the case, i'll make that trip probably sometime the week after. might be good to meet up with my cousin, who has chosen to spend his long semester break interning at an auditing firm (he tells me he's bored to tears there, so i suppose arranging a meeting with him would break the monotony for him).

ok. i'll stop here for now. will have to leave home in a few minutes to go to said cousin's place. seeing how as my life's "interesting" factor went down when the holidays arrived, i'll be updating less...unless the writing bug bites me, that is. but if all goes well, i'll check in on either monday or tuesday with a status report on that to-do list. until then, then!

----------

*minor update*

just got back from my cousin's place not too long ago. it's about 12:25am now, so i suppose that i should be starting a new post, but i can't really be bothered to.

anyways, the reason for this (maybe not so) tiny little update is for me to get something off my chest. if i don't blog about this, i definitely won't get a good night's sleep. i'm referring to the fact that i got backseat-driven for the first time on the way home just now. i thought i understood how my cousin felt when his parents did it to him close to a year ago when he just passed, but i realize now that i underestimated its irritability.

i mean, i'm ok with people not having that much confidence in me as a new driver. i can understand why they feel like that, and i expect/accept it. but, it's one thing for me to KNOW about it deep down inside, and another thing for me to actually SEE the manifestation of that unconfidence. a sudden sharp intake of breath, or worse still, an exclamation, can throw a new driver off and just demolish all the confidence that has been accumulated thus far. in fact, i found my driving to be comparable to that of a fresh learner after the incident. you know...braking late and unevenly (more so than usual, anyway), accelerating jerkily...the usual obvious errors which i'm not supposed to make by now. needless to say, i was (and still am) horribly annoyed.

even then, i would have reacted better if the person who did that was (1) in the front seat, (2) a licensed driver, or (3) preferably both. sadly, the person who was responsible fulfilled none of the conditions. maybe that's why it happened in the first place. any driver worth his/her salt wouldn't do something that idiotic. if it ever happens again, i'm stopping the car (extra jerkily and abruptly) at the next convenient place, getting out, and asking any other licensed driver in the car to take over. if there isn't one in the car at that time, good luck. either the backseat driver goes, or i do. in fact, i had wanted to try doing that today. luckily my dad handled the matter well, and didn't give me a rough time over it.

right now, i'm still sorely tempted to yell "CHEEBYE!!!!!" at the top of my lungs. maybe that urge will fade with sleep...or maybe i'll give in to it; i don't know. but i promise myself not to let this little setback affect my enthusiasm for driving. i mean, how retarded would i be if i decided not to drive any more after today's occurrence? a couple of thousand dollars and about half a year's driving lessons wasted just because of one backseat driver? i think not.

-random thought of the day: I want the Green Lantern and Batman rings from this website!-

With the conclusion of my exams today, my first semester at NUS has come to an end. funny...that sounded way better in my head than it looks on-screen. must have been the feeling of liberation messing up my thoughts. but yes, the main point is that school's out, and it will remain out for about 5 more weeks, until mid-january or so. by right, i should be relaxed and carefree by now, but that isn't the case. that's because in exactly 3 weeks, i'll be getting all my modules' results back. even though i don't think i'll do that well (especially with today's up-lorry performance for maths), i'll know for sure when i get the results back.

as i've just briefly mentioned, maths wasn't too great. somehow, i think the professor sets killer questions (which are actually meant for maths majors) on purpose. good thing he marks super leniently and is more concerned with methods as compared to answers. out of the 10 questions in the paper (7 pure maths, 3 stats), i think i only managed to answer 3 or 4 completely. did bits and pieces of the others too, of course, but not to my satisfaction. the help sheet did help a little, mainly for the stats part. i realize that having a help sheet isn't that useful, especially if your knowledge is half-assed. there were times in the paper i was questioning what i'd written down for the stats part! hang on...my professor just posted the answers to the pure maths part online, and i got some of them right. missed a really easy integration question, though, so that's 3 wasted marks. arrgh. i can't believe the answers to some of the questions are THAT EASY! trust me to over-complicate things. sian.

well, i hope my final grade won't be too bad. according to my latest estimates, my CAP is 4.1 at best (and i'm not even bothering to think about the worst-case scenario). i'd be content to see it at around 4.0, actually. anything above that is a bonus. seems like CAP 4.0 is a B+ average. and, as luck would have it, i need a whole semester's worth of A+'es before i can bring it up by just half a point. or i suppose i could settle for an A- average and bring it up by a quarter-point. looks like my lab reports and stuff are going to have to be ai-zai next semester. which reminds me...i should choose my modules carefully. but right now, i'm going to heed the advice of my recently-departed physics lecturer (rest his soul). during one of the initial lectures, he told us that university life is all about how fast you can pick things up and put them down again in order to pick other new things up. furthermore, after some discussion with my boss, i've arrived at the conclusion that i'm far too concerned about my grades. after all, everyone is bound to mess up at least ONE semester, and i'm glad it happened to me sooner rather than later. gives me a chance to fight back in the subsequent semesters. it's a lesson learnt...just like handwritten lab reports.

halfway while writing this post, the line "meet me at the top of the world" suddenly came to mind. a bit of googling and youtubing later, i found that it was linked to this song:

this isn't the nice studio version, but it's the only video of this song that youtube would allow me to embed. so we'll have to make do with it. this version doesn't sound too far off from the original, anyway...except for the singers interacting with the audience. if you want to hear the nice recorded version, i think the link will pop up in the "related videos" thing once the video ends. come to think of it, i have no idea why that line came to mind. maybe it's a sign that i should consider joining that upcoming mountain-climbing expedition or something.

i'm also trying to get in more driving practice when it's practical to do so, like driving to turf city in the morning, and back from my cousin's place at night this past saturday, as well as driving to school this morning for the exam. granted, there weren't that many cars on the road at those times, so it wasn't that much of a challenge. still, it's good exposure and helps me to adapt. at present, my major weakness is that i'm still taking some corners too fast, and not capturing/processing certain data as fast as i need to. must look at the speedometer, mirrors, and surroundings more often.

now that the exams are over, i can focus on other things, like coaching (we only have a couple more sessions at maximum before the kids break for the holidays), writing (i'm planning to get at least one other fanfiction chapter and/or a new story up), making my annual east coast trip (which i conveniently forgot about for the large majority of the year), and possibly some physical exercise. in the almost-year since i left the army, my fitness has gone down the drain. too bad i won't be able to attend any of the 2 remaining judo training sessions before they stand down for the holidays. well, i suppose there's always running...but that can wait until after tomorrow's coaching session.

-random thought of the day: How is it possible for me to have a scientific brain and a romantic soul!!?-

Hokay...one short little post before i (re-)start on maths.

like i've said about 2 or 3 times previously, maths is my last paper tomorrow. as luck (or misfortune) would have it, it's at 9:00am. on the bright side, i'll be free by 11:00+. less pain and all that. the downside is that i have less time to study before the paper.

right now, i don't feel as prepared as i should be feeling. limits, differentiation, integration and fourier series are more or less ok. can't say the same for double integration and differential equations though. and don't even get me started on stats. i think i've retained only about 75% of JC work, and that only counts for like 30% of the total subject content that we're supposed to know. good thing they allow help sheets. speaking of which, i need to go off to start on my stats one, and re-write my pure maths one...after one more thought.

earlier this morning, i had my first coaching session with the primary school kids since university started. yes, i went to coach primary school kids one day before my maths paper. suicidal much? thankfully, it was a small group with zero primary 3's! maybe it's just me, but i felt that the session went better than before, now that i've been properly certified. as in, i could give more effective and accurate feedback to the kids. not to mention that i feel more in tune with what my boss is thinking. once again, it may just be me; i don't know. hopefully this happens again on wednesday, then i can prove my hypothesis.

ok...that's enough slacking/procrastination. i'll get my help sheets done by 11:30 (or earlier if possible), then call it an early night. must be at full mental alertness during tomorrow's paper, and for the havoc after that.

-random thought of the day: MUST BRING CALCULATOR!-

In the short span of a few days, my finals have gone from "just started" to "almost over". with physical chem on tuesday, and bio today over and done with, i'm left with one more paper (maths) next tuesday before i can completely relax.

the physical chem paper was a real killer. practically everyone had the same reaction after the paper ended, and it went something like "siao liao lo!!!". well, it was comforting, in a sick sort of way, to see that i wasn't alone on this. as for today's bio paper, it was do-able, but i think i sort of panicked towards the end due to insufficient time. filled in a couple of answers at random too, according to what looked the most logical at that point of time.

while getting ready to leave the house this afternoon, i accidentally dropped my bag upside-down onto the floor, onto some other stuff. i noticed a calculator, and just left it on the table. it was only when i reached school when i realized that the calculator i left at home was MINE. so clever, right? leaving my calculator at home on an exam day. well, at least bio's not calculation-intensive, like my other modules. luckily, i managed to borrow a calculator from my physics TA. as another point of interest, today's featured article on wikipedia is NAD⁺. how's that for a coincidence? one other piece of happy news i discovered today is that my current bio lecturer (who's a nice guy and great teacher) will be lecturing my biochem core module next semester. yays.

i also went to collect my lab reports for the physical chem module. my 4 reports' scores are A+, A, B+, B. now that i write it out like that, i realize that it's quite sequential. anyway, that's roughly worth an A- average, which is good, since i need all the marks i can possibly get.

even though it's been 3 days since my modern chem paper, i still feel kind of guilty. i know i didn't really give it my best effort, and the results will probably reflect that. if only there was a way to re-sit for the exam...i wouldn't mind if the professor wanted to set a more difficult paper for the re-test. but, as fate (and the university) would have it, that's not going to happen. bleh. i'd be grateful for a B+ in that module, though i'm still hoping against hope for an A-, or even an A.

for the first time in my schooling experience, it seems that nobody has anything positive to say after leaving the exam hall. usually, in secondary school and/or JC, there would be some sick people who said that a particular subject's exam was easy (of course, i would be one of those sick people for chem). in university, everyone comes out of the exam hall with the same traumatized expression. or maybe the select few who actually did think it was easy kept quiet and put up an act for fear of being killed by everyone else.

now that my semester 1 grades have more or less been decided, i have to start planning ahead. realistically speaking, i think my average grade for this semester will be a B+, or A- at best. i'm not really concerned about the grade itself, but the CAP. i'm still fuzzy on the specifics, but from what my seniors have told me, anything below an A- limits your maximum possible CAP to 4. thanks to the NUS CAP calculator, i've calculated that my CAP will most likely be between 3.9 to 4.25. it's good to know that my honours dream hasn't been crushed yet (the minimum requirement is a CAP of 3.5). looks like i'll have to push harder during subsequent semesters. messing around with the CAP calculator has also made me realize that i absolutely cannot afford to get a C at any time in my university life. if i happened to get a C, i'd need a full semester of A+'s to negate it. BUT...i won't think about it right now. there are more important things on my mind, like maths.

speaking of which, i have to arrange for a study date with my maths professor. i'm still a little shaky on double integrals and differential equations. and that's only for pure maths. don't even get me started on stats, which i completely have not touched. looks like i'll be filling up all available space on my help sheet(s...i think i get to bring 2 of them in). but right now, the number one priority is to relax a little before chionging maths over the next few days.

-random thought of the day: How can people find the mood to be thankful in the midst of exams!?-

Finals have started! just had my modern chem paper today. it was...not exactly easy, but not exactly killer either. too bad i stunned on the MO theory question. ended up not doing that (the paper format was 1 compulsory, then choose any 3 out of 4) and focused on the others. wasted quite a bit of time there though. made a few stupid errors, too. my best possible mark is 78/100, and i don't even want to think about the worst possible scenario. definitely prayed to the wrong uncle before the paper. with that, i think i can safely say that my A for this module is gone. of course, i wouldn't be adverse to the bell curve skewing things in my favour, but i highly doubt that'll happen. what IS more likely to happen is that the bell curve will flatten my grades even more. well, i'll take the news when it comes, and maybe try to squeeze out an extra mark or two again.

tomorrow brings the physical chem paper. there are definitely some more things which i need to read up on, but i figure i'll do a bit tonight and most of it tomorrow. of course, not forgetting prayers to several uncles again.

i've been meaning to blog about this for a while, but it somehow slipped my mind each time i was writing. it's about the value of a person. not in terms of actual physical value, but more like, say, if i were to sell myself based on my skills and attributes, how much could i earn? i suppose the real question is, how much would you pay for an A-level graduate with some tutoring capabilities, (barely passable) driving skills and who is a certified coach (yes, i passed the NCAP exam after all)? of course, i'm NOT actually selling myself, so the advertisement isn't all that complete (notice i left all the negative stuff out!). but you get the idea. to be honest, i don't know what prompted this train of thought. i do know, however, that it has been on my mind for the last week or so. personally, i think it depends on how well you get along with the person too.

on second thought, i don't think i'll get any study done tonight. too much bad aura left over from this afternoon's paper. instead, i'll call it an early night (11:30pm kind of early) and wake up early tomorrow to study. must get all those nice formulae right.

-random thought of the day: Ugh.-

Reading week is practically over, and i don't feel all that well-read. seriously, it's like there's an anti-study cloud following me everywhere. not to mention the weather, which turned this afternoon's study session into intermittent nap-times. so far, i've annotated my bio notes and studied a bit of maths. have barely scratched the surface for both my chem modules though. truth be told, i'm probably overconfident, especially after the mid-term. yes, i know i'll probably end up kicking myself really hard when i'm in the exam hall for thinking like this. but...i can't really help it. this is the first time in my life i'm using my brain to this extent in NOVEMBER. guess the holiday mood kicked in way too soon.

i don't know how worried i should be feeling. other students are spamming the forums, asking stuff like, "do i have to study sources other than the notes?" and "do i have to bring in other textbooks for the open-book exam?" personally, i'm just going to bring in my notes, and maybe the lab manuals. i figure since the professor said that the notes would suffice, he wouldn't cheat my feelings.

seniors are a great source of information! one of my secondary school seniors (whom i didn't know back when we were both in cat high) is currently a maths major and chem minor in NUS. as such, he's taking the modern chem module as well, and by sheer coincidence, we got paired up in a lab session. anyway, my maths module allows us to bring a help sheet, which is essentially a piece of paper on which you can write whatever you want, into the exam hall. so cool right? i was quite stunned the first time i heard about this practice. so, having never written one of these things before, i asked him for advice on how to maximize the information per unit area of paper. he told me to use a fine-tipped pen (which i had thought of) and to copy some examples. that sounded weird at first, but he told me that some questions may be variations of examples, and doing those questions would then be easier, provided you copied the right thing. after thinking about it for a while, it does kind of make sense, particularly for the stuff i'm weaker in.

my cousin is back in singapore for his semester break. i really should arrange to meet up with him sometime...when the exams pose less of a threat, that is. maybe next friday or sometime then. damn exams, messing everything up.

oh, i'd wanted to mention this yesterday, but pushed it off due to...unforeseen circumstances. i received something in the mail which i've been waiting for for quite a long time. here's a clue to its identity: its name rhymes with "eye-ver's eye-sence". no prizes for getting the correct answer! now that it's here, i can throw away the PDL and that other piece of paper. should probably practise driving a bit more too. kind of difficult to arrange, actually, because i need both (1) p-plates, and (2) someone willing to lend me their car, at the same time. not easy, because i think the only people who match the second criterion would be my dad, and possibly my aunt and uncle. my dad uses the car for work, and it's unavailable more often than not. if my uncle and aunt were to lend me their car, i wouldn't have p-plates available since they're stored in my dad's car. maybe i'll just go for a night-time drive around the neighbourhood when conditions permit.

mmm...i'll have to look through my modern chem tomorrow, by hook or by crook. even though it appears brainless, that actually is greater cause for worry. it simply means that more people will score higher marks, which means that the A grade will be pushed sky-high, and even small mistakes become costly. in other words, there is less room for error. i still need to ensure my ideas about RDF, MO theory, band theory, transitions and some other stuff are correct. but right now, it's time to get off the computer.

-random thought of the day: Exam in 3 days!-

Checking my school email today turned out to be a horrible decision. a couple of emails in my inbox informed me that my physics lecturer passed away last night. apparently, he collapsed while exercising in the gym at one of the school's halls of residence yesterday evening. he was rushed to NUH, where he passed away later on in the night. the cause of death hasn't been established yet, but i have my suspicions. not going to post them here, though, in case i mislead anyone.

sucks how this kind of news catches you off-guard, doesn't it? i mean, it's a total bolt out of the blue. he appeared healthy the last time i saw him (which was last friday, when we had the physics final). if not for the fact that the email was in my NUS account, i would have dismissed it as a sick joke. now, i didn't really know him beyond the standard teacher-student relationship, but he had mentioned his kids a few times during lectures. as i understand it, his kids are pretty young. like "below 10" kind of young. i hope they'll accept it soon.

it's times like these that remind you of the fragility of life, and how everyone is equal before the grim reaper. doesn't matter whether you're a budding talent, road sweeper, big businessman, child, nobel prize winner or whatever...when it's your time, it's just your time. not much you can do about it, if anything at all. it makes me wonder about what happens after you really go up the proverbial lorry. that train of thought scares the hell out of me, too.

whenever i hear about things like this, i feel that i should draft out my last instructions just in case something untoward happens (*touch wood*). it's a horribly morbid thought, but from a logical point of view, it would make things a lot clearer and easier for the family. it would probably help a little with the mourning process too, since they know that they're doing things the way i would have liked them to be done. still, i won't be coming up with such a list anytime soon. call me presumptuous, but i plan on living (well, hope to live, at any rate) until at least 60.

don't you think it's ironic? people exercise to get fitter, but turns out it's the exercise that kills them. i'm not just referring to my lecturer's case alone; there have been numerous news articles about army boys, CEOs, sportsmen, and people from various other walks of life experiencing similar things. i suppose we can't just stop exercising due to the presence of the risk factor. instead, what we can do is minimize the risk by doing proper warm-ups and cool-downs, moderating the intensity of the workouts, going for regular medical/physical check-ups, and sticking to one of the few things the SAF finally learned - progressive training. having said that, i think i had better resume my exercise schedule after the exams...with reduced initial intensity, of course.

my intention was originally to blog about some happier stuff which happened before i heard the news, but i'll hold that off until tomorrow or some other appropriate time when the blogging impulse next strikes. for now, i'll leave it at this.

-random thought of the day: R.I.P., Dr. Su.-

Since it's past 12:00am, that means it's monday, and reading week has officially started. as of now, i have a tentative study plan in mind, and it looks something like this:

monday (today) - bio and maths (annotate notes and draft help sheet)
tuesday - physical chem and a bit of modern chem
wednesday - modern chem (email professor if necessary - last chance)
thursday - modern chem
friday - physical chem
saturday - bio (or rest day; maybe kaypoh at training)
sunday - modern chem
monday - modern chem (modern chem exam) physical chem
tuesday - physical chem (physical chem exam) rest
wednesday - bio
thursday - bio (bio exam) rest
friday - maths (maybe consultation)
saturday - rest
sunday - maths (finalize help sheet)
monday - maths (maybe consultation, edit help sheet if necessary)
tuesday - (maths exam) holiday begins

it could definitely be more detailed, like showing exactly which topics i want to study on a given day, and whether i want to practise papers or not, but remember - this is a rough draft. thankfully physics is out of my hair, which means i'm only juggling 4 finals instead of 5 like some of my schoolmates. gives me more time to spread around.

the one thing my schooling experience so far has taught me is that home is not a conducive study venue. there are way too many distractions! like the TV, the computer, the bed, the cupboards, the fridge, the sofa...the list goes on. in my attempts to study at home, i've noticed this odd habit. when i need a distraction, i tend to look in the cupboards and fridge. odd thing is, i have no idea what i'm looking for! it's not food, because there's practically nothing that is both edible and convenient to make. despite knowing this, i still look into those places every now and then. maybe i'm hoping something will magically appear? or i'm just looking through everything again in case i didn't spot a potential snack on my previous 2836 trips there. or, it could be like what i said earlier - i need a distraction. as you can tell, i've been very successful in the "distracting myself" aspect.

bearing that in mind, i need to find somewhere nice, peaceful, and most importantly, with minimal distractions. school is too far (and travelling to and fro is a pain). in spite of that, i'll probably have to go back to school on one of the days to print some stuff and maybe photocopy some past-year papers. no friends of mine would be willing to entertain me at their houses. besides, i'm sure they're studying their guts out too. i'd go to my cousin's place, but i don't want to inconvenience them. perhaps i need somewhere like...the library! the major problem that comes to mind is that the A-levels aren't over yet (they started late this year), so the limited spaces available may be occupied by the JC kids. also, i may end up forgetting to bring something that i wanted to study. guess i'll have to be extra-careful and extra-early so as to maximize my productivity.

well, with all that in mind, it looks like i'll be in for a pretty challenging week. not to the extent of pulling all-nighters or sick stuff like that, but it'll be mentally taxing to fit all those nice bits of information into my brain, AND making sure they stay there until the exam's over. but hey - it's nothing i'm not used to.

-random thought of the day: Why is there a warm spot on the floor in the middle of the living room?-

I've been meaning to write about this for a while, but it kept slipping my mind while i was blogging. it's a story about Uncle Boltzmann, which my modern chem professor shared with the lecture group about a fortnight ago. now, if you're taken science at JC level, you'll know how important his ideas are. the man even has a physical constant named in his honour! however, it was a different story when he was alive. a lot of people didn't really like him, and thought his work was rubbish. sadly, his confidence wasn't all that high, and he suffered from bipolar disorder as well. so, having his work put down repeatedly (and sometimes, not-so-nicely) didn't really help his self-esteem. in fact, he hanged himself in 1906, while he was on vacation. a hundred years later, we know for a fact that he was right all along. no disrespect intended, but if i had to guess, i'd say he's probably feeling a little silly up in the clouds somewhere. same goes for all the other scientists who made fun of his work. moral of the story: have confidence, and don't let others influence you unnecessarily.

part of the reason i remembered to write about this is because i got back my other 2 modern chem lab reports today. in one of those reports, i doubted myself and changed one of my answers to follow my friend's understanding of the concept. turns out my understanding was the correct one instead. anyways, there's no harm done, since the marker conveniently overlooked that question.

by some weird stroke of luck, both of those lab reports came back with A+'es. i swear, that made my day. i have this sneaky suspicion that the markers do use some degree of impression marking. the first 2 lab reports i turned in were handwritten, and received sucky grades (a B- and a D, if you really must know). and here i have 2 nicely-formatted, typewritten reports that each got an A+. of course, there are several other variables which i didn't really take into account, but my conjecture still stands. honestly, i can understand if they do this. i would be so super impressed if any of my tuition kids bothered to type out an assignment. too bad the marks i give them don't count for anything in school. well, at least i learnt this lesson now, as opposed to a couple of semesters later.

according to my rather rough calculations, my mid-term and lab work are worth about 22/30 marks for this modern chem module. the final exam is worth 70%, and from the mid-term experience, i'm going to have to squeeze every single mark i can out of it. arrgh. maybe i should consider going through some past-year papers.

on a brighter note, i just sat for my physics module final today, so that's one less thing to worry about. the paper itself was relatively easy (as expected of a GEM module), but there were tricky questions as well. optimistically, i'm hoping for above 35/45, though i honestly think i'll get something like 29. i don't know, nor will i worry about it until all of the exams are over.

right now, i'm contemplating going for training tomorrow. one of the coaches has came back from japan, and i think training will be more fun with her around. also, the O-levels ended today, which means some of the sec 4s may be free/bored enough to come down. see how. i really hope it doesn't rain tomorrow...then i'll feel more motivated to go down.

-random thought of the day: No Naruto this week! Sadness.-

What's wrong with me!!??

somehow or another, today didn't turn out as well as i'd have liked. there was just no mood to study! my plans of writing up a formula list for my physics exam, as well as coming up with the first draft of the help sheet for my maths exam totally didn't materialize. for some reason, i was horribly restless and distracted all throughout the day. i couldn't even concentrate on reading my notes. ended up taking a stroll to the j8 area in an attempt to work off some of the excess energy, and to get dinner as well. sadly, it didn't work (the getting rid of excess energy part, that is. dinner worked out fine).

today is probably another low in my sine graph. stuff didn't seem to work out. like, i lost at racing, and my unbeaten streak was put to rest. the mahjong game didn't like me either. the past 2 times i've played, i've at least managed to last for more than one round on one token. not this time though. frustrating, but i don't think i was fated for any big wins today. at least i managed to win one round of daytona against a friend who just happened to be in the arcade as well.

i can't really explain it, but people are often hostile (or at least unfriendly) to the people who care for them significantly. i admit i'm guilty of this too, but i can't really explain why. maybe it's because it's kind of stifling. or maybe the people who you find yourself caring about simply don't need/want the care. i'm probably being idiotic, especially since i'm worrying this much about people i'm not even related to. we're not even from the same school! so why the hell am i giving myself this additional source of additional stress?

...i don't know.

you'd think that by now, i'd learn about getting too emotionally attached to people who may not reciprocate with that same level of attachment. apparently, that's not the case. guess it's true that mankind is doomed to repeat its mistakes throughout all time. the sucky thing is that i can't just withdraw all interaction with this person even though that person will be more on the losing end than i will be should i choose to do that. i mean i could, but i won't. stupid emotions. it's just like the people whom i sometimes get annoyed with haven't forsaken me even though they have nothing to lose by doing so. ok, so they may end up losing my company, but personally, it doesn't seem like that much of a loss anyway. so, what am i to do? on one hand, i still want to keep my (metaphorical) door open to that person, but i also don't want that person to be the type that only approaches me when help is needed. and yet, that currently seems to be the case. sucks that things like these rarely go the way you want them to. oh well. i figure i'll let nature take its course here. what will be will be.

it's also true that no man is an island. maybe i need a pet. something low-maintenance (for now, at least, due to school and all...), like a cat. after all, cats do go off wandering for extended periods of time, right? i won't have to take care of them if they're not physically present for any care-taking that i may do. recently, i've found myself becoming more of a cat person. that doesn't mean that i'm any less of a dog person though, just that my liking of cats has increased. i guess it's partially because of the cat which regularly hangs out (heh. hanging a cat out to dry. bad mental images.) at the science canteen in school, or the other cat which hangs around one of the HDB void decks which i pass by on my way home from school. realistically speaking, my family is ill-equipped to handle any sort of responsibility that having a pet would bring, due to our odd schedules. guess i'll content myself with playing with those two cats when i get the chance.

all throughout today, i've had this urge to punch something as hard as i can. probably due to the pent-up energy again. i wonder if it's caused by a hormone imbalance or something? anyway, like i was about to say before being interrupted by that stray thought, it doesn't matter what that "something" is. could be a wall, steel beam, foam mat, wooden plank, or - my personal favourite - a person's face; i'd still go at it with all my might. only problem is, i would be more than likely to break or fracture a few fingers if i were to go all out against something too hard. with exams just around the corner, you can probably see that that would be a horrible inconvenience. so, i'll settle for the next best alternative, which is to go for training this coming saturday. i really really hope that there will be more juniors, even some of the sec 4s and J1s if their respective exams have ended by then.

incidentally, i think i've been cracking my knuckles too much, ever since sec 2 or so. so much so that the fourth knuckle on my right hand now makes cracking noises when i clench the fist. only thing is that these noises are less sharp than actual cracking. hope it's nothing to worry about, and that the whole "higher chance for arthritis" thing is a myth.

-random thought of the day: This low had better pass soon...-

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen..."

Can't remember where i first heard that quote, but it was the first thing that came to mind after looking at my chem paper. i scored 29.5/40, which seems pretty decent on first impression. but to put that in perspective, that's only worth a B-. after examining my paper, i found out that my total marks were counted wrongly. on top of that, one of the questions was marked wrong when it wasn't. so, my total marks went up to 32/40, with a potential addition of another half-mark being debated upon. even though that's a maximum possible score of 81.25%, i predict my grade will improve to only a B, or maybe a B+ if i'm really really lucky. it's kind of scary, seeing as the highest mark in the level is 39.5/40. what's worse is that i saw more than 1 person with that score! i could have got that kind of ridiculous score as well, if only i didn't misunderstand one question, and bothered to expand out another formula properly. arrgh. sucks to think about it now.

in an ironic twist, i scored 45/50 for the long questions in my physical chem module. putting that in perspective as well, the average mark seems to be 35. still have no idea about how i did for the MCQ though. assuming i barely passed the MCQ with 10/20, that's a total combined score of...70%. i should think (and hope) that it's higher than that though. now, my 2 careless mistakes have come back to haunt me. it was only after getting the paper back when i realized that those 2 mistakes in the MCQ meant that i actually threw 5 marks away. oh well. i'm more than happy with the 45, so i suppose i can afford to lose some marks in other places.

receiving these 2 grades has been kind of...weird. for the first time in my life, my grades don't match my interest levels in the modules! to me, physical chem is sort of boring and yucky. i mean, i don't want to spend my time calculating energies and entropies! modern chem theory, on the other hand, is more fun since i get to mess around with molecules, orbitals, electrons and all that stuff. sure, there's a little bit of energy calculation involved, but it's really more of estimation than calculation. and then there's the labs. my physical chem lab reports will most likely turn out better than the modern chem one, but that could be attributed to inexperience, since i did my modern chem lab reports first, and learnt from the mistakes made there in time for my physical chem lab reports. to be honest, i'm fairly confused now. maybe it's because i've been taking it too easy for the modern chem module. have to focus on it more.

despite wasting 2 hours and about $6 today, i guess going to school was worth it...just to give myself peace of mind. i'm still not too happy about the 32/40, but i only have myself to blame for that. idiotic.

*minor edit*
turns out i got 72.5/100 for physical chem, which means my MCQ got 11/20. not as good as i'd hoped, but i can live with it i suppose.

-random thought of the day: I have this sudden urge to drive...with no destination in mind.-

Moodiness has started to creep in a little, and i think it's because i've been putting blogging off. time to do something about that, so that i go back to being my happy self...as happy as i usually am, anyway.

so, my last post has a reminder for me to blog about social studies. i find it kind of funny that people are kicking up a big fuss about venice not being tested in this year's o-levels. if you don't believe me, check out this facebook group. students are complaining that they spent days/weeks/months memorizing facts and stuff about venice, only for it to not show up in the paper. some of them actually banked on just this topic alone to see them through the exam. if my memory serves, students are supposed to study ALL content for their exams. at least, that's what it was like when i was in sec 4. of course, teachers made suggestions about which topic we should concentrate more on, but as far as i know, even the most zai social studies teacher in my school never said, "oh. just study this one topic." we were always advised to have backups. of course, there are those who studied 5 out of 8 topics, only for the other 3 to come out. now, i really empathize with such people. as for those idiots who studied venice alone, they probably deserve what's coming to them.

met up with 2 of my JC classmates yesterday. they were in the neighbourhood to get haircuts, so we decided to go for dinner after they were done. we ended up going to j8's manhattan fish market. call me slow, but it was the first time i had eaten at this particular branch since it opened some months ago. somehow, my good impression of the manhattan fish market has been gradually eroded since 2006, when a couple of other friends and i went to the plaza singapura branch to celebrate their 18th birthdays. maybe i'll give them another chance sometime in the future before i decide whether or not to boycott the place for good.

other than that, we had fun catching up with each other. throughout the night, i found myself repeatedly thanking any and all higher powers that i didn't go to SMU. the students there must be inhuman or something...having to juggle presentations, research papers, group projects, and other scary stuff. i seriously don't know how they manage. or maybe NUS students are just way too slack. one thing's for sure though - i wouldn't survive half a day there.

i just found out that the grades for both of my major chem modules' mid-term exams have been released. still have no idea how i did for physical chem (i'll find out tomorrow), but i THINK it won't be all that horrible...except for the 2 careless mistakes, that is. hopefully that won't drag me down too much. as for my modern chemistry principles module, it seems that i got a B-. it may seem perfectly normal to any other student, but i'm not "any other student"! not for chem, anyway. i don't want to sound arrogant or anything, but i seriously thought that that paper was pretty brainless. after all, most of it was from JC, or an expansion of JC ideas. as such, i find my B- grade quite unbelievable. even one friend of mine, who (by his own admission) is more cui than me, got a B. of course, it could be that i've underperformed this time, but i'll go to school tomorrow to clarify my grade with the TA anyway, even if it's only for my peace of mind. just when i thought i could take the day off, too!

well, that should be all i have to say for now. i think i'll check on my chem assignment again, then go watch The Last Samurai on channel 5 at 6:30. seems like a good way to end monday.

-random thought of the day: I've caught the fanfiction-writing bug again.-

Ok...i haven't done point-form updates in a while, and i'm only doing it now because i'm tired. here goes:

- i got 85/100 for the maths mid-term. could have been 90 if i had remembered how to do a question which i ended up leaving blank, but i won't complain. 85 is already a stunner, considering i was expecting around 30. the ridiculously high score is mainly because my professor was nice and lenient in his marking.
- having said that, i don't understand how some people can get 40+ despite the professor's leniency.
- took my NCAP exam earlier on. it was kind of like the driving theory tests. brainless, but still fail-able. dare not say my pass is guaranteed, but i think my odds are pretty good.

right. that's pretty much everything i want to say at this time. i'll save the more philosophical stuff for tomorrow or some other time when i feel like writing more.

-random thought of the day: Reminder: blog about SS.-

Decided to spend my day off from school more productively for a change. so, i went back to my primary school for a little visit.

prior to today, the last time i went back to my primary school was when i was in JC. can't exactly remember whether it was J1 or J2, but definitely sometime then. anyways, the event that triggered this particular visit was my primary 5 and 6 form teacher getting facebook. a couple of my classmates added her, and sent me a friend suggestion. so, i added her too, and we began talking. our conversation somehow led to me asking her whether it would be convenient to drop by on wednesday (ie. today). she said yes, and i found myself at the primary school general office at 2:45pm today.

it was really nice to see her again, though i think she was more surprised to see me than i was to see her. funny how a kid's perception is distorted...i remember some of my teachers towering over me back when i was in primary school. puberty came and went, and now i realize that these same teachers are just adults with average heights. in fact, some of them are shorter than me now! must bear that in mind when i'm coaching the primary school kids.

we went for a little tour around the staff room, where i was (re-)introduced to some old teachers. for lack of a better comparison, my form teacher sounded like a proud mother when she was telling the other teachers who i was. it basically went like this, "eh, eh...you know who this is? he's in N-U-S, studying CHEMISTRY!" i could practically hear the capital letters! i remembered a few of the teachers whom i met, and some of them remembered me. for some odd reason, my year has the habit of giving schools the best results ever. it was like that in secondary school and JC. apparently, we did it in primary school as well, as i'd found out today. we spent about half an hour catching up, before she had to go do some HOD-ish stuff (she's now the HOD of maths. funny how i've had numerous good maths teachers, and i still suck at the subject).

on the way out of the staff room, i met my primary 5 and 6 english teacher. she remembers me as "the boy who writes excellent stories", as well as "the boy who doesn't hand in work". she was surprised that i was studying chemistry in university, instead of english. personally, i enjoyed writing, and i still do. but that will remain as a hobby for me. sometimes, you can't delve too deep into what you like, otherwise you grow to hate it.

going back to the primary school today was a pretty good decision. if nothing else, it gave me a tremendous morale boost to hear the pride in my various teachers' voices. i guess we'll always remain kids to them...even though most of us have already turned 21. heh. well, one of my ex-classmates says he'll organize a primary school gathering in december. it would be nice to see everyone again...though i think we might have trouble recognizing each other.

aside from that, i took a short trip to CJC as well. managed to get 3 things done, too! (1) kaypoh around training, (2) collect my NYAA gold certificate, and (3) have a brief chat with Brother Paul, since he'll be leaving for australia and all. i find it kind of scary that he knows who i am. i was under the impression that i remained fairly under the radar during my time in CJC (well, maybe except for my chem results). but fact is, he knows me. i didn't really talk that much...it seemed like he was the one carrying the conversation. yes, i know i suck at socializing. but still, i managed to wish him all the best for the future, which was my main objective of talking to him.

so, yes. today has been quite good for my soul. it was good to hear all the positive reinforcement/affirmation. i'm actually amazed that someone i haven't seen for so long still cares that much about me and how i'm doing. really really does my heart good. once again, i salute all primary school teachers out there. seeing primary school kids once a week for 10 weeks was traumatizing enough. i can't imagine how teachers can do it for half a day (sometimes more), 5 days a week, 40+ weeks per year for 10+ years.

you know, in chinese serials, when the hero(ine) avoids a potential disaster, one of his/her possessions (eg. bangle, ring, bracelet, pendant, lucky charm, photo frame) will either crack or break. well, both my glasses and lab safety goggles have broken, and in both cases, it's the right arm that was detached from the main body. perhaps that means i've managed to avoid 2 catastrophes? i don't know. whatever the case, i think it's high time i replaced my glasses anyway. the ones i'm wearing now are already 2 years old, and the left arm has broken off before. guess i'd better get a new pair made. wonder if my eyesight has gotten worse since 2007? what frames should i get? what colour should it be? metal or plastic? guess i'll worry about that when i next go to the optician.

during yesterday's physical chem lecture, my german lecturer was talking about the applied chem option (or maybe it's a totally different degree together). long story short, training to be an applied chemist is like becoming a chemist-chemical engineer hybrid. right now, i'm not too sure about opting into it, but it never hurt to leave that door open, right? that means i'll have to take a engineering-type module next semester. ugh. i don't know - i think i'll let it stew for a while. i don't have to decide until end-december anyway.

tomorrow looks interesting! i'm getting back my maths mid-term. one of my more kaypoh friends went to see the professor for his results ahead of time. he also mentioned my name to the professor, and he got to see my results before i did. according to him, i got 80+/100 for the test. i find that unbelievable for a number of reasons. firstly, my maths is, as you know, sucky. normally, the only way i could get 80+ is if the test was upon 200. secondly, this friend of mine isn't the most observant person you'll meet. he could have looked one row up or down on the list, or even spelled my name wrongly (and it wouldn't be the first time he did that, either). whatever the case, i'm taking that news with a big pinch of salt until i see it for myself tomorrow morning. and, as i've previously warned him, he can expect a world of hurt if he made me happy for nothing.

i'm also sitting for my NCAP theory exam tomorrow. even though one of the course trainers has said that the paper is practically impossible to fail and even more so since it's open-book. BUT, people have failed it before. so...yes. that's not saying much, is it? whatever the case, i'll just go in and write whatever i think is logical. hopefully the positive energy from my maths result (if it's true) will see me through. right now, i have to go and wash/clean my sandals. walking in the rain with sandals is not good for foot hygiene.

-random thought of the day: Should I subscribe to Champions Online?-