About an hour to go until raid, so i thought i'd blog briefly about a few things that happened this past week.

mild schadenfreude, but the raid leader messed up a few mechanics the day after sending me that text, and that caused the whole team to die several times. i couldn't help but laugh internally. "what were you saying about me being weak at mechanics again!?" of course i didn't say it out loud, to preserve the atmosphere. deaths reduce the chance of clearing the fight, because dead people deal no damage. it's for that reason that the guild always advocates mastering the mechanics of the fight first. once that is done, damage numbers will automatically go up. needless to say, nobody from the raid team is from my guild. anyway, we cleared the fight in the end, so that's good. ironically, we're having trouble with raiding this week, to the point where we spent the whole 2-hour raid session yesterday dying at the first fight. internet connection and lag is being blamed, but i think there's a certain amount of user error too. well...hopefully it goes better today.

i'm falling behind on video production, mainly because animations were required. i just went to check the folder - looks like the delay will be even longer, because they misinterpreted my instructions for the animations. well...i'll do what i can while they fix the issues. interestingly, the subject head who hired me sent me an email, expressing interest to take me on as a full-time creator/teacher. i will have to find a way to turn her down nicely, because i really do not want to spend my life/career teaching basic science.  while i recognize that passing on knowledge to future generations serves to better humanity as a whole, teaching just doesn't excite me! i wonder it's because i've been jaded from all the years of teaching tuition, where the primary goal was to help kids score in exams. if they got interested in the subject along the way, well, that's just a bonus.

on the idea of future jobs, i was rethinking if i should put more effort into pursuing australia as a potential future destination. based on my current understanding, i'd have to obtain sponsorship from a company, and prove my competence in english. the latter involves taking a standardized english test, like the TOEFL or IELTS. i'm not too worried about that particular requirement. i wrote both my bachelor's and doctoral theses in english, for crying out loud! the most troublesome thing there would be the administrative side - finding a test venue and paying the test fees. the company sponsorship is the biggest hurdle, because as i understand it, there are restrictions on the provision of sponsorships, such as what industry the company belongs to, and they have to demonstrate that they couldn't find a suitable local candidate first. from the outside looking in, it's very isolationist/protective, but i imagine that if i were on the inside, i'd be much more supportive of this policy. in fact, i wish singapore would give it a shot, instead of immediately looking to other countries for cheaper labour and importing them by the droves. i'm somewhat lucky, i suppose, that the job i'm looking into has a decently high barrier to entry. i just hope that i can jump that barrier too.

just yesterday, i experienced something that made me more certain that staying till the end of the next academic year is a risk worth taking. so my favourite class had a field trip to another district, to learn more about the town. it just so happened that it was my day to be at the other secondary school, which is in that other district. since i had some free time after lunch and knew where they would be (relatively near by), i dropped in on them just to say hi. the warmth and enthusiasm with which i was greeted just gave my spirit a boost. not that i was having a bad day or anything, but it made my day go from good to great. they even offered me some barbequed turkey, which is a local product. yes, there's a turkey farm in this town, odd as it seems. the turkey itself was good, tasting like a denser chicken. i told the teacher that the texture was somewhere between chicken and beef. makes me want to try cooking with it, actually! too bad they don't sell it at the local supermarket; i should find out where the retail store is.

in contrast, the primary school makes me want to end my term sooner. it's discouraging when you have students yelling incorrect answers with all the confidence in the world - and this is after just going through the content with them 10 minutes ago! we're not even talking about super difficult things either, just counting to twenty. i've been trying to get them to see that for quite a few numbers, it's just the base number with "teen" appended, but i doubt that idea was successfully absorbed. ok, to be fair to them too, english is weird. like, why "thirteen" and not "threeteen"? i can kind of bite the bullet and say that "thir-" and "fif-" sound like "three" and "five respectively, but i can't explain how "eleven" and "twelve" came about. but i suppose i should count my blessings that they're still at the phase where they're willing to offer answers in class, instead of being totally silent like most of the secondary school kids.

something else i noticed is that the kids (primary 4, so 9-10 years old) have difficulty hearing the difference between "thirty" and "forty". it's unfathomable to me because to my ears, they sound nothing alike! i've been trying to come up with reasons why, without success. even if i render them in katakana (loath as i am to do so), they'd be "サーティ" and "フォーティ" - significantly different! maybe they don't process the "th" sound the same way as i do. hopefully they'll get it with more exposure,

also, i had a quick chat with the japanese english teacher about that problem student. it seems like that it's not isolated to just me; that student shows attitude to other teachers too. while that does reassure me that the issue doesn't lie with me, i'm still not entirely happy about the situation. see, i've heard that particular kid mention my name in conversations with friends. it was done in the hush-hush style that tends to be used when gossip is being spread, so that was a warning bell. at this point, i don't have much else to support my case, so there's also not much i can do apart from sounding it out. but if it starts to affect the overall interaction with the class, then we'll have to look deeper into it. i just hope that it's immaturity and puberty, and not racism or xenophobia. it may be worrying too much in advance too, but i have to see that kid (and most likely, the entire class) for one more year in the secondary school. right now, that is the biggest negative i have for extending my term. hopefully the situation resolves itself, either by that kid growing up, or my preferred resolution - the kid going to a secondary school out of town. we'll see what happens next year.

-random thought of the day: -

Purging some stray thoughts before settling in to finish off the series of science videos. will definitely request a break after this lot is done. don't know whether to call it privileged or cursed, but i'm in the odd position of being good at something that i don't enjoy doing. come to think of it, that's education in general for me, whether it's making science videos or teaching japanese kids english.

so, it finally happened. someone i know personally is on onlyfans. to qualify that statement, we are hardly friends. even at our closest, i'd call us acquaintances, nothing more. also, we've been out of contact for what, 8 years? anyway, he seems to be really popular. credit to him, he's really attractive. the combination of baby face and gym body works in his case. but knowing what i know about him, i'd prefer to keep our association as it is now - nonexistent. actually i also kind of know his father, and that he has a brother. makes me wonder whether his family is aware, and how they took the news if they are. it's not relevant to me, just that it would scratch my itch for gossip.

having some friction in the raid team. i guess the leader is getting frustrated that we're unable to clear a fight. he initiated a long-ish conversation with me last night, trying to troubleshoot and see where i can improve. that eventually ended (for now) with him sending me a wall of text about how i wasn't being receptive to his suggestions and how i could do more. my first instinct is to tell him to back off and let me figure it out, but i recognize his intention as wanting to help. besides, being defensive is a bad look - especially if at least some of the problem can be attributed to you. even though i appreciate where he's coming from, a part of me still feels...disgruntled? i don't think i'm the worst performing person on the team, and there have been instances in past fights where other members messed up worse. of course, i'm not privy to all communications between everyone, so perhaps he did talk to them and they reached a resolution between themselves. well, just have to get better. that will come with practice and getting to know the fight timeline.

-random thought of the day: Finish off those videos today!-

Bought chicken livers at the supermarket yesterday due to a sudden random craving. they were reduced to clear too, so i used them for dinner tonight. had to get rid of a few blood clots, but that's normal for liver. there's actually less blood in the livers i get here vs. those from singapore, now that i think about it. i just did some basic cleaning (removing membranes and blood) and fried them up in butter, adding sichuan peppercorns for that numbing kick. side note: i bought cheap peppercorns which were bulked up by small bits of plant matter (twigs, etc.). would not recommend. i'll be eating the livers with rice and vegetables later, so it's a balanced meal. the trick i found is to slightly undercook them, but that's for my personal preference as far as texture goes.

the juggling balls arrived in the mail yesterday. first impression: they're smaller than i thought. i suppose it's to help to learn how to hold more balls at once. i've been starting small - throwing one ball back and forth in an arc in front of me. it sounds so simple, but it's surprisingly more difficult than i imagined. i guess it's a lot to do with the constraints, like the ball has to pass in a nice parabolic arc in front of you, you have to sort of focus on the peak and catch it in your peripheral vision, and the throws have to be consistent. that's the biggest killer for me so far. also, we're actually throwing in three dimensions, so in addition to up/down and left/right, there's also front/back to worry about. being right-hand dominant, my right-to-left throw is good, but i'm underpowering the left-to-right throw, such that it end up travelling only about half the required horizontal distance. still, i'm not going to beat myself up over it too much; it's only the start of my learning, after all. i'll probably bring a couple of balls to school and practise in my downtime.

this past monday, we (the JETs) had a small catch-up session over discord, to mark the one-year anniversary of the 2021 arrivals. it seems that a lot of us still aren't quite sure what step to take next. i find that comforting, since it means i'm not the only one facing this issue. a few of them mentioned that they wouldn't be renewing their contracts, meaning that they'd end their term in end-july next year. makes me feel i'm staying longer than i should, but i should also remind myself to measure things by my own yardstick. since there were a few former MOE teachers, i also sought their advice on being unwilling to part with the kids. the strongest piece of advice was "remember that they are not your children". it actually made me think - like even in the event that a random kid in any of the schools lost both parents in a horrific accident, i would literally not be found on the list of potential guardians. it doesn't upset me, because there is no reason for me to be in the consideration at all. reflecting the positions, if i were in the position of the student, i would not expect (or even want) to be placed under the guardianship of any of my teachers. also because in my case, i expect that my uncle and aunt would have stepped in if the need had arose.

but back to the initial thought. i suppose the current situation is that there is a mismatch in perception and expectation. while i do want to know how they grow up and where life will take them, perhaps i don't have to be beside them every step of the way. although i wonder how i will get updates from them in a few years' time, when they leave this town for high school and subsequently, university. while i am connected to some of my old teachers on facebook, it's not going to be as easy in this case, i don't think. well...i'll figure something out next year or when it's time for me to go.

i realized i forgot to blog about how the secret answer fiasco panned out. i ended up calling the company, and after verifying my identity via full name, address, and phone number, they told me my secret answer over the phone, and even gave me my new account/contract number. now, i'm not complaining about it. i'm just wondering why their alternative to a phone call is so much more troublesome, to the point it makes the phone call the weak spot in their security. like, if i really wanted to get access to someone's account, i could probably get the required personal details and impersonate them on the phone. not that i'm going to, by the way!

one last day of work tomorrow before another 3-day weekend. have to wake up early to bake brownies for the school i'm going to. was supposed to do it on the day of their sports day, and i even made plans with one of their teachers to help me bring it over! but well, something about the best laid plans of mice and men. also going to have to do a bigger round of rubbish disposal soon; there's a lot of paper lying around, and i don't think i'll need all of it. and i should think about spending the vouchers i got because i have a my number card. there are quite a few places in town that take them, some of which i've never heard of before. time to try more new things!

-random thought of the day: Cycling plans on Friday.-

Ventured down memory lane again today, but for another aspect of my life. this time, i looked for people from my army days. it struck me that it's been 14 years since i ORD-ed, meaning that army was almost half a lifetime ago for me. a lot has changed since then! my favourite OC is still serving. if i remember right, he should be in his early 40s now? i respect him like mad because he did part-time studies (bachelors and masters) sometime in the past 10 years. i had difficulty with it full-time, and i was 15 years younger than he was when he did it! there's another guy, who was the CSM of the neighbouring company while i was in the unit. he rose from master sergeant at that time, to master warrant officer now. i remember hearing that he was somewhat of a high-flyer, and i guess it shows. according to his facebook, he's been in america for the past 5 years, attending and then teaching at one of their military academies. guess it's another proof that you can find/make excellence anywhere.

a few of the sergeants i worked with are now warrant officers, while a few of the warrant officers from that time should have hit retirement age, or will do so very soon. went down a rabbit hole there, looking up people whose names i vaguely remember. it's quite amazing how even the tiniest bit of info can lead to a hit. for instance, i was looking up my BMT OC, who was a warrant officer with a very unique qualification. some google-fu turned up a forum post where he was described as universally hated during one of his RSM tours in the early 2000s. but when i had him as OC during my BMT in late 2006, i thought he was extremely nice and caring, almost fatherly. i'm not saying that both stories can't coexist, but it's interesting how we know different versions of people at different times.

the common gripe with the SAF is that senior officers are often placed in high-level executive positions in government bodies or government-affiliated companies after their military retirement. the most famous example would be the former chief of defence force under whose watch two companies were ruined. you may know him as mr umbrage, for his use of the term during a press interview. i saw that a few of the officers i know have similarly transitioned. while i'm sure that there are soft skills that carry over, i wonder how hard it is to throw away all their military knowledge and learn new job-relevant stuff.

apart from that, i know that some people i served with/under have passed away. my platoon commander from vocational training, for instance. his passing came as quite a surprise, because apart from being somewhat overweight, he wasn't in ill health. i'm also pretty sure that a few of the older servicemen from that time have departed too. just think - warrant officers are mandated to retire at 55. someone who was close to retirement when i enlisted would be about 69 years old now. statistically, a few of those people would not make it.

i don't know why i suddenly thought about people from army. i didn't enjoy my time there, and i don't even keep in touch with people from that time. out of the first 50 posts in my facebook feed, there are 2 posts from people i got to know while serving. and i don't even interact with them! i suppose it's just curiosity. on a related note, i realize that militarism isn't a thing in japan (see WW2 history for why), but there is a surprising amount of regimentation. they do what is basically foot drills in PE class, and the ceremonial entrance for sports day is parade and formation, although much less precise. i was actually tempted to show the kids the drill section from NDP, but i don't know if that might be going into sensitive territory, or if it will lead to uncomfortable conversations. example: why do you have an army? because of WW2. why exactly? well, because we were invaded. by who? ...you all get the idea.

thank goodness today was a public holiday! my sleep schedule got messed up and i'm still trying to fix it. ended up sleeping most of the day away, and feeling horrible as a consequence. partially due to lack of water too, i think. can't hydrate while asleep, after all. also, i'm kind of in the odd transition period when i need to get new groceries, so there's not much in the fridge and i can't make something quick and satisfying. on the bright side, some kind neighbour put the remnants of my blown down partition against the wall. also, tomorrow is forecast to be sunny - 3% rain. so there goes my hope of sports day at the secondary school.

right! so i've booked my hotels. super early this time, and i'm paying a ton less. i think overall i'm paying about 25000 yen for 4 nights at 2 different hotels, which is cheaper than what i paid for 3 nights in akita. important lesson learnt about booking hotels early! i've also decided that i'm going to drive. parking is reasonable, i guess - up to 1600 yen per day, unlimited exit and entry, subject to availability of lots. that last thing will be the killer, i think. i'm quite excited! it's going to be a new experience. so, the current plan is leave work on time or take half day's leave on monday, drive to osaka and crash in the hotel. go to the singapore embassy on tuesday and pick up my passport, then drive to kobe and check in. spend wendesday and thursday exploring the area and setting aside one night to meet my professor, before driving back home on friday, in time for JLPT on sunday. it should cost me 4 days of leave, which is not too bad.

final point tonight. turns out it is possible to overbake brownies, but it's actually quite difficult. i literally put them there and forgot about them until the oven timer went off. they're still edible, just really hard. flavour is good, though! i'm a little wary about giving them to my neighbour now, because hard food and senior citizen teeth generally don't go well together. we'll see if they soften up tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Must bring passport on the trip.-

Rain was forecast for yesterday, but it didn't rain until the afternoon/evening. unfortunately, the rain forecast led to the postponement of sports days for both secondary schools. one school had regular class instead, while the other just took the day off. the postponement means that one school will hold sports day tomorrow, while the other will do it on tuesday. part of me is annoyed, because i can't attend any of the rescheduled sports days without messing up my schedule. if i were responsible for making the decision, i would have gone ahead with it yesterday. of course, this is me speaking with the benefit of hindsight. plus, i'm sure that the decision-making process is a lot trickier than i think. after all, there are various stakeholders to consider - parents, kids, staff, etc.; and various assessments to be made in the decision-making process. doesn't mean i can't be annoyed about it, though.

a typhoon is currently raging on outside. the volume of rain is lesser than i'd expected, but the wind is way way stronger. a little fence/partition thing in front of my house got blown down, and i'll have to talk to my supervisor about it next week. hopefully i won't have to pay (too much) to replace it. apparently, this is the worst typhoon to hit japan in about a decade. although the wind is literally howling and screeching outside, i don't feel too threatened now; the main body of my house is holding up fine, and the worst thing that's happened so far is a short power cut (less than a minute). good thing tomorrow is a public holiday, because the typhoon is expected to only completely leave the area on tuesday. makes me wonder if one school's sports day will be postponed even further. actually, it makes me wonder why the schools hold sports day during typhoon season in the first place, but oh well. it's going to sound selfish of me, but i wish the typhoon would stay long enough for one school to postpone their sports day to wednesday. since that's my scheduled day to be there, i can attend without messing my schedule up.

i can't put it accurately into words, but i've been feeling some not-good feelings in my downtime. dissatisfaction? unhappiness? discontent? it's probably elements of all those things. worse, i can't pinpoint the specific issue(s) causing these feelings. i think it's more of a mental thing than a physical thing. guess i need to pay closer attention to the circumstances that trigger these feelings, like if i get this way after talking to someone, doing something, at a certain time of the day, or whatever other possible factor.

out of curiosity, i went to download a couple of dating apps. first on the list was 9monsters, which is (i think) the most popular one in japan. of course, i used an anonymous profile. unexpectedly, it showed that the nearest gay guy was 800 metres away - ie. in this town at the time i did the search. he wasn't my type, unfortunately, and i don't think he's local to this area? his profile says he goes between kochi and tokyo. also, i've never seen him in the time i've been here, so the odds are high that he may just be a visitor. the next-closest person is about 10km away in the next town. makes me wonder if it's really because there are no gay guys here, or if they're keeping it under wraps because of the small community. whatever it may be, i don't think that i'll be very successful trying to find someone here. the next app i tried was grindr, but it wouldn't let me register properly. besides those, i also tried a couple of other apps - blued and g2-talk. the former caters more to thailand and vietnam (and seems to be a platform for money boys to advertise). the latter is just ridiculous. doing almost anything requires their in-app currency. you get one coin a day, and even sending a message requires 50 coins. it's just designed to make you spend money. seems like i'm better off trying to find a connection in real life, although i don't have too high hopes around these parts.

went shopping in the drugstore further from home to get rice flour. oddly, both the supermarkets don't have rice flour available for cheap. while i was there, i saw that they had habanero sauce - 100 yen for a 60mL bottle. the same volume of habanero tabasco goes for like 3 or 4 times that price, so i bought a couple of bottles to see if they were comparable. sad news, they weren't. there's still the fruity flavour, but the balance is off. looks like i'll stick to tabasco, which i'll have to pick up the next time i'm in kochi city. i realize that my tastes and preferences are still changing. when i was younger, there was a time when i ate spicy food just to prove that i could, going as far as to pour super spicy chili sauce on everything and suffering through the consequences. now though, i prioritize the flavour over the spice kick. this realization came about when i bought scorpion pepper sauce (ridiculously spicy) and hated it. it just provides heat, nothing else. i probably won't finish the bottle, or at most i'll go through it really slowly.

facebook has become more of a nuisance than something of use. i do use it to follow some of my friends who i wouldn't be able to be updated upon by other means, like the JC classmate making her way through africa, or the people whose paths have significantly diverged from mine. but i realize that in the last year or so, the number of sponsored posts and advertisements have gone up so much! i did a quick count of the first 50 posts in my feed. there are 8 posts from groups i'm in, 18 posts from pages i'm following, 11 posts from friends, and 13 sponsored clickbait posts and/or advertisements. for a website whose main purpose is to help friends connect, those numbers are out of whack. also, i don't post to facebook any more. the last time i did was when i let the civic go, and that's coming to 2 years very soon. will i deactivate my account? probably not, because that's the only means of contact i have with some people. but i will commit to using it less, though.

while driving back from the further school, i've had some odd ideas for a book. writing a book is actually something that i've kind of wanted to try, but the entire process just seems so daunting! i've actually been asking myself what makes a good book. a good plot, descriptions, interesting characters are 3 things that first came to mind. right now, i have the basic idea for the main plot. but it's quite bare-bones. like, i know the central theme and the constraint required to explore that theme, but i haven't worked out the details yet. i figure that it's something i can work on over the next year. that, and learning to juggle. yes, you read that right. i can do 2 balls back and forth once, but no more. i know it's a skill issue, but part of me thinks that i'll improve faster if i get suitable props. we'll put that to the test when they arrive...tomorrow? or sometime this coming week.

let's see, what's coming up in the near future? tomorrow and friday are public holidays, so it'll be a short week. plus, i have half of thursday off because i worked yesterday. tuesday is going to be tough - the usual 3 periods in the primary school, plus an additional class with the primary 1 kids. on the bright side, wednesday may become a free day, depending on how the sports day schedule pans out. i'm also half-tempted to ask for a different schedule when it's time for my annual appraisal/review in december. i realize that while my schedule is quite evenly split between the secondary schools, one school gets more english exposure time in absolute terms because the other english teacher also goes there. yes, i'll also admit that it's partially for selfish reasons - i want to spend more time with my favourite class, especially going into my last year. the downside is that i don't particularly care for next year's sec 1 students, especially since one of them seems to have a problem with me. it's within my tolerance at this point, but i'll deal with it if it becomes worse.

-random thought of the day: Listening to in-game drama (in another server).-

Well, i did it. i signed up for JLPT. now that it's become more concrete, there should be more motivation to study. i've tried some listening sample questions a while ago, and they were very doable. probably thanks to my everyday exposure! i'll probably be starting serious study tomorrow, which will leave me just under 3 months till the test date. also around that period, i have to make plans to collect my new passport from the embassy in osaka, and meet up with my professor in kobe. my initial thought was to split the trip into an osaka leg and a kobe leg, but i realized that commuting between the two prefectures doesn't take that long. so what i might do is base myself in kobe, and do a day trip to osaka, or vice versa. still haven't decided on the method of transport...a flight seems like unnecessary expenditure, and the train takes too long. i might end up driving, after all. or i suppose the overnight bus would work too...

but i digress. i signed for the N2 level, which is the minimum required level to work in the japan office of a japanese company. not that i have any solid plans for that, but it gives me options. right now, the kiasu singaporean in me is freaking out, thinking whether to buy assessment books, ten-year series, all that stuff. luckily, my stinginess has driven me to find some resources available for free online, so i'll see how far i go with those first. i suppose i can do past-year papers closer to the test date, but i should at least get a start on the content now.

there was a small miscommunication yesterday. i was told that the town festival would go on for 2 days. it started on friday, so i was expecting it to last until saturday night. but i went down yesterday evening only to see the last few stalls being packed up. maybe they stopped in the afternoon or something. kind of sucks, because i was hoping to see more people. but at least now i know what it'll be like next year. also because i thought i had another night, i didn't buy some things that i was interested to try while i was there on friday. there's probably a lesson about not letting opportunities slip past you or something in there somewhere. oh well. at least now i know for next year.

good news is that the nights are getting cooler, to the point where i don't think i'll need the air-con very soon. perhaps one more week? not looking forward to getting my august bill. speaking of which, i just tried logging in to my electrical company website account, with no success. apparently, if you don't log in for a while, they make you answer your secret question. and i have zero idea what my secret answer was, or if i even set one. and to reset it, i have to provide my customer number or contract number, which they say is on the bill postcard that they send me every month...only that i stopped receiving postcards after switching to credit card payment. headache. i think i have a letter with my customer number somewhere in my desk at the office, so i'll go check on it tomorrow. the annoying thing after that is that they'll send you temporary login credentials in the mail. and no, i don't mean email. seriously, is there a need for this level of security!? i guess in the worst case scenario, someone could maliciously cancel your power contract and have your electricity cut off, but what are the odds?

oh, in the flurry of activity caused by the town festival, i forgot to blog about the queen's passing. since i'm not a british subject, i'm not feeling it too strongly. but i have to say that it caught me by surprise. part of it is due to the memes/jokes about her long lifespan (eg. when god came to create the universe, he found the queen hanging around), and part of it was her image. it's probably a bit of propaganda as well, but she was never shown as being frail or weak. in fact, i think she was in pretty good health until a sudden turn of events in the few days before her death. she also passed away about a year after her husband, prince philip. i wonder if it's true, that it's possible to die of a broken heart. i've seen anecdotal evidence; my paternal grandparents passed away within a year of each other, and jedi master's second dog died within two months of his companion. i also recall reading a possible scientific explanation about how grief weakens the heartstrings and reduces the heart's capability to function, but i don't think there's any specific study focused on this.

anyway, she lived a good life in service to her country, i think. it made me wonder if i could do the same. sure, i would never have to worry about finances or material needs, but could i live within the confines of the high expectations placed upon the royal family? i suppose coming out as gay would be heavily frowned upon. there's a popular saying that a cage made of gold is still a cage, but then, if i had grown up in that world and it was the only world i'd known, i suppose i'd have to live in it by hook or by crook. or i might be one of those royals who gives up their royal status and chooses to live as a commoner. but since i'm already a commoner in this life, i'll just take it as eliminating a few steps to end up in the same situation!

-random thought of the day: Hope the JLPT grant goes through when I pass.-

Got back from the town festival in time for raid tonight, but i couldn't focus and ended up killing the group a few times. it's partially due to lack of sleep, and mostly due to some feelings that the festival brought about.

the reason for my lack of sleep is that i participated in the actual festival, which took place from midnight to 4am last night/this morning. i was part of an 8-man team that took turns carrying and hitting a huge japanese drum until we reached the shrine. there was a lot of waiting and doing nothing, which caused my efficiency-driven singaporean brain to protest. but then it's a festival, and the goal is not so much getting the drum to the shrine, but creating a lively and well, festive, atmosphere to suit the occasion. that also resulted in me being dead on my feet for school today. it was the primary school, to boot. thankfully everyone was understanding and didn't call me out too much when i wasn't at 100%.

if i had to pinpoint it, i'd say that i first had an abnormal feeling during the drum transportation. see, there are some chants and songs used to liven the atmosphere, and not being from around these parts, i naturally didn't know them. to be honest, i still don't know the words now, but a colleague from the town hall was kind enough to explain the gist of the whole song. it's basically a fight chant/cheer. the equivalent in a singaporean context would be something like "*name of town* pak buay toh! pak buay toh!". the feeling that i got went something along the lines of "i'll never fit in completely here". i get by on my half-assed japanese language skills, but in terms of understanding the culture and references, i've still got a long way to go. it also made me a little...envious(?) that the kids can grow up in this kind of environment. don't get me wrong, i am extremely grateful for my singaporean education and upbringing, and i wouldn't trade the experiences i have for the experience of growing up in japan. i guess it's another layer of clarity, that while the people in the town hall and the various schools treat me extremely well and take excellent care of me, i'm still an outsider. and there's nothing wrong with that. i actually wonder how the foreign postdocs i've worked with view their time in singapore. in particular, my russian postdoc, who went all out in assimilating into the culture while she was with the lab. i often joke that she's more singaporean than me!

next abnormal feeling was tonight, when i went to the shrine, where various stalls had been set up. it's basically a pasar malam. i met a lot of the kids i'm currently teaching, and as a nice surprise, i also met some of my graduated kids. it hasn't even been half a year since we parted ways, but i can see that they've matured a little. funny thing, i don't miss them as much as i thought i would. maybe it's because of my current sec 1 class. i think every teacher has that one class that they get along mega well with, and would go way above and beyond for. don't know for sure, but i think my predecessor's "that one class" was the class of 5 girls that graduated shortly after i came in. i can see why they're special, but we were more cordial/friendly than super close in the one term that i taught them. there is no doubt that this sec 1 class is "that one class" for me. the runner-up by a decently wide margin is the sec 2 class in the other school, and no other class even comes close after that. the odd feeling here was the reminder that this isn't forever. even if i max out my JET term and find a way to stay in the town after that, the kids will move on to bigger and better things. and when that happens, i should be happy for them. for now, i'll enjoy the time we have together.

"melancholy" probably sums up this feeling best. it's compounded by the realization that i gained another 2kg since the last weigh-in! definitely need to make some lifestyle changes. good thing is that the evenings/nights are getting cooler. might try night cycling, once i build up enough confidence. before any of that though, sleep. i have a massive sleep debt to pay off.

-random thought of the day: Early raid tomorrow.-

It's bad scientific protocol to change more than one variable at a time when doing an experiment, but i got away with doing it for breadmaking. i halved the starter ratio to 10% (instead of 20%) and concurrently increased the hydration from ~65% to over 70%. the resulting loaf has a more tender crumb and even a softer crust. taste-wise, it's not as flavourful as my previous breads, but the flavour level is still within my acceptable range. more importantly, the gains in texture make up for the losses in flavour. i'll probably use this modified version going forward, although the downside is that my flour can't hold that much water by itself, so i have to bake it in a pot.

have i really not blogged for 2 weeks? well, the biggest change is that school's started again, and i'm running all over the place. not that i'm complaining! some of the kids really shot up in height over the month or so of break. apart from school, i'm taking part in the town's local festival. it's a night festival, which means it starts at 12:00am and ends in the early morning hours. best part is that i have class the morning after! so that's going to be fun. at least i managed to get the afternoon off. the plan is to sleep before raid, otherwise i'll be half-dead.

as part of festival prep, i also spent the previous saturday and this past sunday making various craft-y things. a huge bamboo torch, for example. i find that it's a little bit of a waste of effort to painstakingly build something for the sole purpose of watching it go up in flames. but well, it's the town tradition. i also had school this past saturday. there was supposed to be a school-wide activity of some kind, but it was cancelled due to the possibility of rain. since i worked partially for both weekend days, i was telling my class today that i was feeling very tired. someone up there must have heard me, because the board of education announced that school is being cancelled tomorrow! it's because a typhoon is passing through the area. luckily i'm all prepared - the storm shutters are in place, i've got food stocked up, plus i have 2/3 of a loaf of bread remaining, and i'll probably bake one more tomorrow since i have the time now.

another food related point: i bought habanero tabasco sauce the last time i was in kochi city, and finally used it for the first time a couple of days ago. while tabasco is known for being spicy and sour, this particular version has a sort of...fruitiness? i know it sounds pretentious, but no better words come to mind. in the process of using it, i've also hit upon a food craving i didn't know i had - boiled potatoes with tabasco. the combination of spicy and starchy somehow hit the spot for me. maybe i should use a curry packet soon.

muscle memory is a thing. recently while raiding, i've been more conscious about what skill i'm using at certain times into the fight. it's because of the ultimate raid experience, i think. just to go off on a tangent here, the one clearest instance of letting go and allowing muscle memory to take over actually happened during my judo black belt grading exam. i was performing the kata, and some wires must have crossed in my brain, because i couldn't remember which leg i was supposed to pivot on, nor what direction i was supposed to turn towards. in desperation, i just shut off my brain and because we'd been practising for months leading up to the exam, my body executed it perfectly. fascinating how the same concept can apply in such vastly contrasting arenas!

also this month: sign up for JLPT. the deadline is the 25th, so i have a bit more time. but i should do it before i forget. since i took leave tomorrow, i have a whole day to settle 6 science videos. can't wait to get this batch over and done with, then i'm going to request a break. the subject head i'm working under is a nice person, but some comments she made on my work has made me question her scientific knowledge. not to mention i want to make time to study for JLPT. sports days are on the same day for both secondary schools, so i'll go for one and make something for the other school...most probably brownies. it's the calm before the storm right now - there was some wind earlier, but it's quietened down. hoping that the typhoon won't be too bad tomorrow. evacuation would really put a dent in my schedule.

-random thought of the day: Damned fruit flies.-