Here's something which i forgot to mention in yesterday's post. remember that my knee popped during training some time ago? well, we were learning about anatomy in this past thursday's NCAP session. the nice instructor/trainer had earlier said that we could approach hm if we had any doubts about injuries. so, i went to just ask about what could have possibly happened to my knee. at first, he said it might be a ligament problem. after hearing a little bit more about where and how the funny feelings occur, he changed his diagnosis to a meniscus problem, though it couldn't be confirmed due to the length of time between now and when it popped.

i went back and did my own reading, and i found that my initial aches and pains are (well, "were" by this time) consistent with the symptoms of a meniscus injury. i just hope it isn't a tear or anything serious like that. but given the long time interval (more than half a year), i'm sure it's healed to some extent. problem is determining to WHAT extent. actually, it doesn't really give me trouble, except when i have to do twisting motions or when i don't land properly after a jump. i'll have it checked out at one of the sports science clinics during my semester break if it bugs me too much.

went back for training today. including 2 seniors (one of my ex-schoolmates and i) and the coach, there were 10 people there altogether. quite anticlimactic. i was expecting that more people would train since (1)training's been stopped for the past month or two, and (2)today's the first day of the secondary school holidays. but once again, apparently not everyone thinks like i do. got rid of some of the rust, and sadly, my knee popped again. well, it's not really a "pop" now. more of a feeling that something's shifting inside there. still feels slightly uncomfortable when it happens, but it's not as bad as it was back in april. hopefully it won't happen next week, and hopefully there'll be more people present, too.

i'm having one last tuition session with my sec 4's tomorrow, in preparation for their exam on monday. funny...i think i feel more nervous than they do. sometimes, i wish i could ensure their A1 by taking the paper for them. but since that is out of the question, i'll have to do my best and hope that they do theirs. i just worry that something i forgot to cover actually comes out, and they stun at it. but on the other hand, they're supposed to study outside of my tuition sessions, right? so i should probably place a bit more faith in them and relax.

tonight's halloween. being a university student, i should have party invites and stuff like that, right? NOT. well, there may have been one or two, but i seriously couldn't be bothered leaving the house thanks to the nice sleepy weather that's been floating around since 6:00+pm. i wish this type of weather happened more frequently at night. it would make sleeping early so much easier.

meanwhile, my Champions Online is almost finished downloading. i'm only playing the free trial for the halloween event. too bad i missed out on the lifetime subscription offer. maybe i'll grab it if and when it comes up again. ok...time to give the game a shot!

-random thought of the day: Need to exercise more.-

The presentation of thoughts and feelings in this post will be extremely random. you have been warned.

in my last lecture of the day today, i suddenly had the thought that all singapore citizens - even the girls - should go through army. maybe not for 2 years like the guys, but at least for BMT and some unit life. around 6 months to a year would probably be optimal. don't get me wrong...i still think 2 years is overboard, but i would have been fine serving in the time between the end of my A-levels and the start of university in 2007. but i digress. the main reason i'm saying this is because some girls in my lecture group have absolutely NO DISCIPLINE and SELF-CONTROL. as much as i hate army, i have to admit that it taught me how to read people and situations, and behave appropriately. that's a lesson which more people need to learn. i'm definitely not the best person to preach about discipline, but i bet i have more discipline than 80% of the year 1 girls in the lecture group. i mean, they laugh and talk loudly in the middle of the lecture! sure, university students are supposed to have greater freedom and the lecturers are supposed to be a bit more lax, but that's based on the assumption that the students are more mature than giggly pre-teens! those girls are lucky that the lecturer is nice enough to just say, "settle down or leave." if i ever had to teach a group like that, i'd be yelling, "kaopeh lah!" into the microphone without fail every single lecture. as it is, i'm already tempted to do that from my seat. maybe i should show them this picture:

and i'd have to have a nice, shiny roll of duct tape on standby to emphasize my point. who knows? maybe they'd piss me off enough for me to actually use it.

ok, this next part might sound a little egotistical, so please read with an open mind. sometimes, i wished that people behaved a little more like me. see? egotistical, right? anyway, it's not because i'm the model of all-round good behaviour or anything, but at least i do have enough sense to keep left on escalators, give way to alighting passengers on the train, not crowd the train doors, and not push my way through the boarding queue at bus stops. not only that, i do respect peoples' right to walk as slowly as they want. it's just that i have problems with them walking slowly AND obstructing human traffic. if they want to exercise that particular right of theirs, then i should be able to exercise my right to slap them upside the head when they hold me up when i'm late for lectures. if only more people thought like me, kiasu-ism wouldn't be that prevalent and the world would be more peaceful.

since i'm on a roll already, i might as well clear off everything that's been bugging me. last thing on the list is bus and train drivers. i know i've talked about this before, but please bear with me. having gone through driving lessons, i know that driving a car isn't easy. in order to drive a bus, i bet the difficulty factor's upped at least 5 times due to larger vehicle dimensions (amongst other things). still, that doesn't give bus drivers an excuse to have lousy driving skills, especially if the bus they're driving contains standing passengers. if you've ever jammed on the brake of a car, you should know how violently the whole car jerks before stopping. now imagine jamming the brake on a bus, which is about 5 times heavier than a car. all else remaining constant, the force experienced by passengers in a bus would be 5 times that experienced by passengers in a car. even starting and stopping intermittently at slow speeds produces significant forces. i don't mind if the driver has to do it once in a while, especially to avoid an accident. but doing that every minute or so is a real pain. seriously, i'm half-tempted to write a letter to SBS and SMRT to request that they reassess their drivers and send some for retraining if necessary (and trust me, it WILL be necessary).

ahh...that felt good. i no longer feel like punching a hole through something. guess i let all that negativity build up a little past healthy levels. feels good to let it out. now that i'm in a stable state with low energy, it's probably advisable for me to get started on my bio lab report (well, more like worksheet actually) and my MO theory assignment. must finish the bio thing tonight, and at least scratch the surface of the chem thing before i sleep. all the more because there's training tomorrow, and i'm planning on crashing. need to relieve some stress.

-random thought of the day: Nice sleeping weather!-

Was supposed to have tuition today, but my nephew never called to confirm. i figure he's been traumatized by the maths paper he just sat for, so i'll probably arrange to see him on sunday instead. and speaking of tuition, i just saw this article on facebook (my comments are in italics):

How to be a Good Tutor
Tutors are special people. They need not be intellectually bright, but they must know what it feels like not to understand (oddly enough, i'm the opposite for my subject). They must be creative, able to explain a concept by using stories, drawings, analogies, or metaphors (i can do that...). Tutors must be affirming people, and humble, and patient. (yes, not so much, and i'm trying my best respectively)

It is not necessary to be an A student to be a good tutor (it sure is a bonus, though). But it is necessary to like people. It is also necessary to listen. Tutoring is not so much an act of sharing information as it is a process of empowering(???). The focus is primarily on helping people learn how to learn. Sometimes this means teaching them to take smaller bites of information, and sometimes it means reformatting content so that it is more meaningful to the person learning it. But whatever strategy is required, the goal is always to get your student to understand something. (true, i guess)

Some Characteristics of a Good Tutor
Intelligence alone does not result in successful tutoring. More important is what kind of person you are.

Positive outlook: belief that circumstances can be changed through actions. (yes, "chem is hard" becomes "chem is brainless")

Desire to help others: willingness to get involved with people. (in my case, sometimes overly involved)

Reliability: punctual, steady, dependable. (i'm late, but that doesn't mean i'm not reliable, right?)

Enthusiasm: liking for the subject matter. (most definitely)

Open mind: willingness to accept other points of view. (most definitely again)

Initiative: ability to see what needs to be done and do it. (i'm working on it)

Even disposition: patience, gentleness, understanding, fairness. (there is a limit to patience and gentleness, though)

Empathy: ability to feel what another person is feeling. (...somewhat?)

if this article is anything to go by, i think i have been doing a fairly decent job. yay, motivation! in addition, the NCAP course which i've been faithfully attending for the past month or so has provided additional insights into kids' minds. actually, i can't wait till december. my boss has recently informed me that the primary school resumes training sometime then. i'm actually quite eager to see them again, uncharacteristic as it sounds. it's not because my kid-loving side has suddenly chosen to reveal itself (not like i have one to begin with). instead, it's so that i have victims test subjects to see if the theories which i've been taught really work or not.

school's also been looking more positive. managed to catch up a little, thanks to webcast lectures. i'm no longer that lost with MO theory. still a little behind on maths though. will probably use the free time between tomorrow's bio lab and NCAP course to read up on matrices and statistics. all in all, i think this week will be better than the previous one.

-random thought of the day: I just wrote my first fanfiction in 5 years!-

This week hasn't really been that ideal. for one, i've missed my first class of the day every day of the week, except today. for some reason, i kept shutting my alarm off when it rang. i actually did the same thing today as well, and ended up sleeping until 11:30. got a huge shock when i woke up, and decided to take a taxi to school in order to catch my 12:00 bio lecture. was about 15 minutes late, but i caught most of it nonetheless.

if there ever was a time when i could be grateful that my first impression was wrong, this would be it. during e-learning week, we had webcast lectures and stuff like that. for my bio module, it was also the first time we heard the second lecturer. note i said "heard", not "saw". i guess he was feeling a little out of it when he recorded the webcast lecture, because he sounded tremendously hesitant and boring. after 2 live lectures, i'm happy (and tremendously relieved) to say that he's much more interesting in person. i really like the fact that he makes lectures interesting by bringing live specimens and relevant exhibits of the topic he's covering on that day. we saw a venus flytrap last week, and a sea anemone this week. i wonder what he'll bring when he talks about evolution?

had a physics test after that. this one was pretty easy as compared to the last one, mainly because this test was about gases, waves, fluids and materials, which i'm slightly more comfortable with. think i'll definitely do better than my previous score of 9/20.

physical chem lecture after that was fun! i'm starting to like physical chem more now that we're back in the familiar waters of equilibria and kinetics. that's not to say nothing's new, but it beats thermodynamics. bonus is the lecturer's starting to bring in interesting stuff to better demonstrate what she's talking about, like peroxide and dry ice. makes it fun.

i seriously hope that this horrible week is just a one-off thing. maybe uncle murphy just decided to make an early claim on what i owed him. whatever the case, i'll do my best to make sure it never happens again.

-random thought of the day: Must make good use of this coming weekend.-

Between the last post and now, several things have happened, both good and bad. these include me...

...turning 21
...giving more tuition
...going for test drive #2
...receiving some of my marked lab reports
...realizing that university life can be a bitch sometimes

let's go through the items one by one, shall we?

perhaps the biggest event of the past week (and possibly my life thus far) would be me finally reaching the 21-year milestone. despite the supposed magnitude of the occasion, i don't feel all that different. i mean, i'm still the same person as i was a week ago (right?). only thing is i can now vote, watch R21 movies, and probably do some other stuff which i have little interest in at this point in time. since i didn't (and still don't) think turning 21 was that much of a deal, i didn't bother organizing any parties or stuff like that. sure it meant missing out on any nice, shiny presents that people would have brought, but the avoidance of all the logistical hassle seems like a worthwhile trade. in the end, all i did for celebration was to go for the saturday alumni gathering, play mahjong after that (won $5!), and have dinner at my aunt's place. kind of low-key, but i'm fine with that. i was pleasantly surprised by the birthday messages on facebook, especially since some of them came from people whom i didn't expect to hear from (is that sentence grammatically correct?). conversely, some people whom i thought would either SMS or facebook me didn't end up doing so. oh well. you get some, you miss some.

with exactly 2 weeks left until the o-level chem paper, the time i have with my sec 4 kids is kind of limited. in all honesty, i'm quite worried for them. recent tuition sessions have shown that they still can't bend the concepts to fit all questions. not to mention the presence of careless mistakes, which they are (still) uncannily susceptible to. have i been giving them insufficient practice, or have i not been sufficiently thorough in going through the concepts? maybe the standard which i've set for them is too low? personally, i think i did a pretty ok job, but i suppose i'll only find out how well i really did on results day next year. nevertheless, i think they'll get pretty decent scores...like B3s at worst.

driving the family car is still kind of an intimidating experience, mostly due to its width. the second drive felt a little better than the first, though i'm still under supervision. it's expected (considering my newbie-ness), and i do feel a little better with another driver by my side, so all's fine and well with that. occasionally, i do wonder when my dad will feel confident enough to let me drive solo, but i figure it won't happen until the p-plates come off. so, i'm prepared to wait for up to a year. if he gives me his blessings to drive alone before the year is up, it's a bonus to me. but focusing on the present, i still have to work on my timing when accelerating from a stationary position. i'm just afraid of the car jerking if i step on the accelerator too hard too quickly. attempted to park the car as well, but with very limited success. sure, it went in the lot eventually; problem is that it took 2 or 3 tries. have to work on braking too. must remember that engine-brake does not exist in an automatic transmission vehicle. actually, i find the lack of a clutch pedal to be quite...disconcerting. it means that i have less precise control over the car's speed when moving slowly. well, more practice is in order i guess.

my last 2 points are actually kind of linked. today didn't go all that well. my alarm woke me up at 5:25am, which is normal for a monday. maybe it was because i had insufficient sleep previously, but the thought of skipping both my lectures and staying home to complete my lab reports sounded too tempting to pass up. so, i happily went back to sleep. what did not occur to me in my sleep-fogged state, however, was that i had a lab session in the morning, and i couldn't miss it. so i might as well have gone to school early anyway. luckily, i realized this when i woke up at 9:30am. had no choice but to rush down to school, turning up only half an hour late for the lab. even more luckily, today's experiment was short, and we (my lab partner and i) managed to finish it in about 2 hours. i can't take that much credit for today's lab, being late and all. in fact, i really have to thank my lab partner for setting everything up. all i did was to weigh the sample. she did the boring, time-consuming tasks of setting everything up and waiting for the solvent to boil. of course, this means that if anything goes wrong, there'll be reduced responsibility on my part. but that's a big "if", especially since the TA said our results looked pretty good.

with all the "luckily"-s, you'd think i'd be crazy to complain about university life. thing is, it's tougher than it looks on the surface. i'm actually amazed at the rate at which work snowballs. even with my prodigious last-minute skills, i'm finding that i can't let up...at least not for too long. just like today...not finishing my lab reports over the weekend meant that i had to skip my afternoon lecture to finish it in the library. in turn, skipping the lecture will mean that i may not understand the content that was covered. if this goes on long enough, i'm screwed for the module. to make things worse, i got back my previous lab reports today. suffice to say i didn't score that well for both of them. i told my lab TA about the scores, and she didn't believe them either. too bad i don't know who marked my reports (it wasn't the TA whom i usually see during lab sessions), otherwise i could ask him/her about the grades. thankfully, i have another 2 lab reports (already submitted) which will hopefully pull the average grade up. i suppose i'm fortunate that the module for which i screwed up the lab reports happens to be the one which i have less trouble understanding. looks like i'll need all the marks i can get for the final exam.

aside from that, i have a chem tutorial to do before 11:00am tomorrow, as well as a physics test to study for. not forgetting my NCAP course (almost half of it is over already!) and the little bit of backlog from e-learning week. of course, to prevent a similar scenario like today's from happening, i'll get started on my last lab report of the semester (YAY!!) sooner than usual, and have it completed by saturday. but right now, sleep takes top priority.

-random thought of the day: Damned writing inspiration. Of all times, why attack me now!?-

Getting spectacularly lost is probably going to feature way more prominently in my life from now on. the reason i say this is because roads look totally different when you're in the driver's seat as compared to the passengers' seat. i mean, it's one thing to remember to get off at yishun MRT, take bus 811 for 5 stops and walk a bit to the kid's house. it's another thing to actually identify the roads, watch each and every turn along the way, and decide whether to take it or not. ended up being close to an hour late due to the massive number of detours and wrong turns.

for my first time driving, i think it went...as expected. still have to get used to the family car, which is more powerful (and much wider) than the car i was learning in. the automatic transmission makes a difference too. no engine-braking effect means i have to step harder on the brake. and don't even get me started on the different layout of controls. i am extremely grateful that my dad was silent (and more importantly, non-kancheong) for most of the ride, only giving occasional reminders to slow down, watch the traffic light, or to advise on directions. i think that helped me to build confidence. to be perfectly honest, i'd rate my performance today as just average, maybe even slightly below. the ride could have definitely been smoother, but on the bright, safe side, i didn't mount any kerbs or get into any accidents. takes more exposure to develop the skills i guess. i wonder of my dad has enough confidence in my driving skill to allow me to drive my siblings to school (supervised, of course)? heh. i won't push my luck by asking.

today's tuition has been average so far. one good + one bad works out to be average. ended up not seeing one of the SJI kids since he did too little work to justify a session. after all, how long will it take to go through one topic's worth of MCQ? assuming that there were 40 questions and he got all of them wrong, it would still take an hour at most. definitely not worth the travelling time and bus fare. so, i told him that i would see him on sunday instead. hopefully he'll have done enough work by then. am going to see my nephew in another...15 minutes or so. his sms says he did 3 topics of the ten-year series, so i'm looking forward to a productive session. meanwhile, time to hit the shower before going out for the aforementioned tuition session.

-random thought of the day: I wonder how I did for mid-terms?-

Seems like i've seen the last of my mood swings for a while. life is returning to normal after e-learning week. in all honesty, i think it wasn't that well-implemented. for instance, there's no way for the lecturers to ensure that everyone logged in to listen to the required stuff. then again, university students should take charge of their own learning, right? depends on how you argue the point i suppose. i don't know...personally, i think lecturers should set aside maybe half an hour to quickly recap and settle any questions about what was covered during e-learning week. so far, none of them have done that. i wonder if the bio lecturer will?

it's been close to a week since i've got my license (yes, i know you're probably tired of hearing it. this'll be the last time i'll mention "drivers' license" for a while. will still be talking about the act of driving, though). haven't had the chance to drive anything yet, though my dad did think of letting me drive to school (with him in the car, of course) this morning. didn't take him up on that, since i don't think it would be wise of me to hit expressways on my first time driving as a non-learner...especially in an unfamiliar car. still, it's nice to know that opportunities are being offered. i'll probably go for my first "adapt-to-the-car" drive tomorrow, to yishun for tuition. would be nice if i could monopolize the car for the whole day, but i have to remember my dad needs it for work.

now, wouldn't it be nice if some kind soul decided to get me a car for my 21st birthday? heck, if i did get a car this year, i wouldn't even mind not receiving any more presents until i turn 25. BUT...let's not hope out of proportion here. odds of me getting a car in the next 4 days are lower than the odds of all my tuition kids scoring F9s for their o-level chem. besides, it probably isn't that good of an idea in the first place. new car + new driver = higher chance of an accident happening due to the driver's inexperience, and more heart-pain if (when?) it does. not to mention all the additional hidden costs of maintenance, petrol, etc. however, in case there is a one-in-a-million chance that anyone reading this happens to be feeling grossly generous, a honda jazz sounds nice. second-hand welcome too.

ok...better go off to sleep. i've been feeling more tired recently due to late nights and all that, so i definitely have some sleep debt to pay off. tuition at 10:00am tomorrow means me getting up at 8:00. that, in turn, means i'll have 8 hours of sleep at best tonight. hopefully tomorrow's sessions will be productive enough to justify me getting out of bed so early on a non-school day.

-random thought of the day: Time for a haircut!-

Yesterday's feeling of unbelievable happiness didn't last as long as i'd thought it would. it's almost all gone by now thanks to other stuff weighing on my brain (though i am still susceptible to the odd, random smile now and then). thinking back, yesterday had a sort of surreal quality to it. i mean...i still find it difficult to believe that i've taken and passed the driving test, and that i'm a licensed (although probationary) driver. don't know...maybe there hasn't been enough time for all of that to fully sink in yet. perhaps it'll become more believable once i get the license itself in the mail, or when i take over my cousin's P-plates, or when i actually start driving with someone other than my instructor in the car.

anyway, i'd thought i'd just blog a little to clear my head before i begin working on my lab report. up till now, i can't really pinpoint the cause of my should-have-been-nonexistent unhappiness. i have a feeling it's due to tuition, and the workload from school as well.

tuition is becoming sort of...non-ideal. it's kind of off-putting when i show up for a tuition session only to realize that the kids haven't done all that much work, to the extent where i can finish everything in 45 minutes or so. on the other hand, i have to remember that their lives do not solely revolve around my subject, so i can't push them too far or overload them. the really frightening thing is that the kids aren't able to properly answer some questions which (in my opinion,) should be basic knowledge to them. considering that there are only 23 days until the chem paper, that's seriously frightening. not only that, it serves to highlight my shortcomings as a tutor. definitely bad for self-confidence.

"university students live for deadlines." i can't remember who told me this, or where i heard it from, but i'm finding it to be terribly true. right now, i'm literally ranking assignments by importance based on when i have to hand them in. it's amazing how little it takes for you to fall behind, and how fast it happens. just one slip-up, and the machine falls apart. so far, i've already given up on doing certain modules' tutorials (since they don't count for marks). worst case is i go through selected questions by myself, and refer to answer sheets or professors if i can't catch a concept.

there's another potential reason that could lead to me being emo, but i can't really post anything about it here. all i think i can say about it is that i should learn to draw clear lines between work and personal life. it's just me being stupid again in this aspect, but hey, what's new? things will work themselves out eventually, or so i hope.

meanwhile, time to start on the lab report! if all goes well, i'll be able to finish most of the theoretical part tonight. calculations can wait till tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: I can be pretty dumb for a university kid.-

Like i did on my previous test day, i'll recap the events that have transpired so far.

woke up nice and early (barely beating my alarm) at 5:15am. lazed until 5:30, then showered up and got ready. was out of the house by 6:05, and waited for my instructor until 6:30 (ironic, since he repeatedly emphasized that i had to be punctual for our 6:15am meeting). drove down to the test centre, and did a short modified route before entering the circuit. things went smoothly at first, but got a bit rocky towards the end. guess my nerves were starting to show. submitted the required stuff, then went out to do another short modified route. came back to the test centre, and went to the waiting room, feeling nervous as hell.

my name was called...fifth, i think. i watched a tester call another person before me. he was being nice and friendly, you know, making small talk and all that with the student. i was wishing that i would get a tester like that too. amazingly, i did. guess they assign the nicer testers to repeat takers. my tester was nice and encouraging, explaining things clearly, patiently and all that. the tester you get definitely affects your performance. we went into the circuit, and did things in this order: directional change, S-course, slope, crank course, reverse parking, and parallel parking. as i would later find out, my circuit was perfect, except that my car rolled back a little on the slope. that's 2 points gone so far.

following the circuit, we went onto the road. i was penalized for being slow to move off near the exit gate. by yet another strange coincidence, the tester asked me to do a modified route, which was exactly the same as one of the routes which my instructor asked me to do earlier. here's where i started to suspect that he's psychic. there were a few hiccups during the route, like me pressing on the clutch a little while negotiating a bend (you're supposed to lift off it completely, but i had to do it to prevent the car from slowing down too much. oh well.), forgetting to check ONE blind spot while turning, stopping too close to the car in front, and staying too to the centre of the lane (the tester wanted me to keep right more). oh. there was a big jam when coming back to the test centre, and my tester had to help me a little in manoeuvring the car properly. he was understanding though, and said that it couldn't be helped.

made it back to the test centre in one piece, and went into that dreaded room to wait for my results. i think the tester was screwing with me...taking extra-long to hook his laptop up and print the slip. or maybe it was simply my anticipation messing with my head (remember that at this point, i had no idea whether i passed or failed). managed to distract myself by listening to the other testers talking about the horrendous jam, and how most of them guided their learners through. the slip finally came to my hands, and i was happy as fuck (excuse the profanity; it's a special occasion) hell after reading through it. long story short, i got 14 points, which is a pass. not the best score, but a pass is a pass is a pass. i'm extremely grateful for this "free count" thing (where no points are given for the first time you make certain mistakes). without it, i would have got 20 on the dot, and failed.

settled some post-test stuff, like watching the video (with lots of gruesome pictures...think they were trying to impress on us how much damage we could potentially cause if we screwed up behind the wheel.) and applying for the license itself. human beings tend to share joy really easily. when i went into the video room, everyone was just smiling away. struck up a conversation with a couple of other newly-qualified drivers, and it turns out most of them are repeat takers. you know, if i had to suddenly look for a part-time job now, i would apply to be the person screening the videos or processing new license applications. there's so much positive energy there...everyone's laughing, smiling and generally feeling good. only minor irritation was that waiting time was long. my instructor somehow already predicted my pass, and was already teaching someone else when i arranged to meet and pay him. since he was occupied, i took 55 back to bishan. was hoping that he could give me a ride back, but no luck there.

all in all, i'd say uncle murphy outdid himself today. everything went well (better than expectation, actually), and my major goal of obtaining my driving license before i turn 21 is accomplished. to say that this is a load off my mind (and wallet) is quite the understatement. i can't even start to describe this load's magnitude. well, it's time to pay my dues i guess. have to prepare myself for a really messed up week sometime in the future.

now that that's done with, i can focus on other important things, like e-learning week and homework. as of now, i have one physics group report (due tomorrow) to edit, one chem lab report (due this coming monday) to start work on, one coaching course session to attend tonight, and about 20 hours of webcast lectures to watch. not to forget a group tuition session tomorrow. i think i'm going to allow myself another hour or so to let the full impact of my pass sink in. after that, it's physics all the way until 5:30, and my coaching course after that.

-random thought of the day: =)-

Hey uncle murphy,

as you probably already know, i'll be going for my second attempt at the driving test in about 14 hours' time. may i request that you put your law on hold just for a quarter of a day? i'd really appreciate it if everything went extremely well from 5:00am to 11:00am tomorrow. in fact, i've taken the liberty of compiling a list of things which could possibly go wrong under your law:

- i'm late in meeting my instructor for some odd reason
- my instructor is late in meeting me for some odd reason
- it rains, and my footing is slippery on the pedals
- the car breaks down or is otherwise faulty
- my seating position is misaligned
- i forget to bring the required documents, or am late in submitting them
- i get an asshole for a tester
- something makes me nervous and i mess up on the circuit and/or route
- something bad happens due to factors out of my control
- a system glitch fails me when i should have passed

there's bound to have been something which i've overlooked/not thought of, so, if you think of any other things that could even have the slightest possibility of screwing up my odds, please prevent them from happening as well. in all fairness, i'll do my part to ensure as far as possible that the least possible amount of stuff goes wrong. things like setting multiple alarms, dragging myself out of bed extra-early (though i don't even know if i can sleep well in the first place), adjusting my seat until i'm comfortable, being confident and positive, remembering reference points and how much to turn to the best of my ability, amongst a million other things which are under my control.

i know for a fact that nothing comes free in this world, which is why i'm prepared to make a trade. if everything does indeed go off super smoothly, i am willing to sacrifice one week of my holiday to you. during that one week, you have free reign to make anything that would have went wrong tomorrow go wrong, even to a larger magnitude (so long as my license is not affected). just think of it as interest for delaying debt-payment.

so, having said all that, i really really hope that you'll see fit to help this poor kid out. i'll do my best, and leave the rest to you.

Thanks and much love,
-KL

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glad i finally got that out of my system. i think this is the first time i've ever used my blog to write a letter to someone. desperate times, desperate measures i guess. it was just something i thought of while giving tuition today, so why not? for all i know, it may be more effective. to find out more about uncle murphy. and his law, click on their respective names.

being the smart people that i know you all are, you can probably figure everything out from the letter above. truth be told, i'm close to being scared out of my wits. there's a huge knot/lump of tension somewhere in my chest, and watching the drama on TV now is just making it worse. and my sec 3 tuition kid is choosing this time to completely freak out on me over MSN, just because his exam is tomorrow. not very helpful for my own mental state. arrgh. i need a distraction. you know what? i'm going to edit my group's physics report, then turn in early around 11:00pm. hopefully a good night's sleep will calm me down and prepare me mentally for tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: RELAX!-

Don't know why, but i've been getting headaches frequently for the past couple of weeks. this is odd, considering that headaches are one of the ailments that has seldom featured in my life before this. think it's due to the lack of sleep and the stress from university. like a friend of mine told me on MSN earlier on, "university life is an oxymoron". either that, or the headache comes from excessive inhalation of chemical fumes during my lab session earlier in the day (though this can't account for the headaches prior to today...). despite my mid-terms being over, the influx of work remains fairly constant. after today's lab, i have another formal lab report waiting to be done. annoying. on the bright side, i'll be getting the formal report over and done with first, followed by the short reports in subsequent weeks. bitter first, sweet later.

this week is e-learning week, so i don't have to go to school for lectures. you'd think that this means i can wake up a little later, right? wrong. it looks like driving is going to occupy all of my mornings. even though the test date is 3 days away, i still don't feel as confident as i think i should be feeling. is it the residual effects of screwing up last time? i don't know. i'll say this to my merit though - today's circuit was pretty good. i'm only a little unsure about the damned crank course, and certain direction changes. ironically enough, i'm having trouble with the components which are perceived as being the easier ones. kind of sucks, no? well, there'll be another circuit tomorrow, and yet another one on the day itself. must get everything straightened out by then. actually, driving isn't that difficult. i think the main factor that causes screw-ups is the feeling of nervousness and unfamiliarity when you drive with the tester by your side. when i took the test for the first time, it felt quite odd not to have the person in the passenger seat tell you to "step the clutch hard, tap brake, turn...not so much! relax!" like my driving instructor would do. whatever the case, i'll most definitely remember to pray to uncle murphy before the test this time round.

i'm tired beyond belief now. understandable, because i spent more time out of the house than in it today. you know what? i think i'm going to sleep really early tonight, then wake up really early tomorrow morning - 6:00am kind of early - to start on my urgent work (which, as a reminder, consists of a physics report and the accompanying powerpoint). in addition to that, i have another circuit lesson in the evening and the first lesson of the NCAP course...all on the same day! oh wow.

-random thought of the day: What people say and how they say it can tell whole different stories.-

Between the last post and now, i've sat for another 2 mid-term papers...maths and physical chem. maths was a horrible killer. it sucks that the confidence that i've built up during class and while doing tutorials is shattered just like that by tests and exams. lucky thing i went for consultation with the maths professor in the morning. that helped me to secure marks from the fourier series question. the integration was kind of nasty though. what made it worse was that i only figured out how to do one of the questions AFTER leaving the exam hall. kind of a pity, especially since whatever i wrote on the answer script for that question looked nothing like the actual solution. bleh. there goes 5 marks. at least i'm not feeling as emo about it as i was a couple of days back. there's still something i don't get though...why is it that i can do most maths questions at home or in tutorials, but i get raped upside-down in the exam hall? maybe it's the stress levels in the different environment. either that, or i just have no affinity for/with maths.

physical chem went a little better. ironic, because maths has generally been the easier of the two for the past 6 weeks or so of school. maybe praying to uncle boltzmann before the paper worked for me? yet again, i found myself figuring out the answers after handing the paper in. at least it was an MCQ this time round, so that's 1 or 2 marks down the drain. that little thing aside, i'm surprisingly confident about the paper. maybe it's because i haven't seen my errors yet, or because i simply can't be bothered now that the mid-terms have ended for me. good thing there was a formula list provided, because some of my answers were thought of after reference to the list. like i said before, i'm probably feeling better that i ought to...but indulge me for once. my mid-terms *did* just end, after all.

aside from that, another big burden has been lifted off my shoulders. this particular rock is called "lab reports". i've submitted both my lab reports today, and i'm doing my best not to think about them any more. somehow, i think i forgot to do something important...like finish up a sentence which i left hanging in an initial draft. and i should have included pictures of the water MOs as well. BUT, i shan't think of that any more. if anything, i'm too relieved that it's over and done with to worry about little details like that.

wouldn't you know it...it's october already. i've used the "wake me up when september ends" joke before (last year, i think), so i'm not going to do that again. instead, i'll talk about driving. each passing day brings me a day closer to 8 october, where i'll hopefully get my license. i find it funny that i'm still getting off-days, like today. actually, the circuit is the root of most of my misery. still can't do a decent crank course (though i did improve as compared to previously). i wonder if i'm still sending an aura of less-than-100%-confidence. i mean, if he had confidence in my skill, he wouldn't be grabbing the wheel at all, right? admittedly, he does it less now (which shows i've improved!), but it does get annoying, especially when i know exactly how much to turn at this particular point in the circuit. on the other hand, there are areas where i forget, and welcome his assistance. i think i'm just being difficult.

the planets must have aligned nicely, because by sheer coincidence, next week happens to be the first-ever NUS e-learning week! this means no lectures, which in turn, means that i don't have to skip class to go for the driving test. i'll still have to go back to school for tutorials, labs and other non-lecture stuff, but i can live with that. if it means i can wake up late on monday for once, i'm all for it. no...wait. i just remembered. i'm set for a circuit lesson on monday. damn. well, if missing a few hours of sleep means a higher chance of me getting the damned license, the sacrifice is worth it to me.

one last thing before i go off. i have to start arranging more tuition sessions. o-levels are in less than a month's time. have to make sure all the knowledge is packed tightly into my kids' heads. maybe i should start seeing them twice a week. i don't know...the upcoming NCAP course kind of de-flexibilizes (yay! new word!) my schedule too. first things first though...have to sleep early tonight to repay the sleep debt incurred from rushing the lab reports. that, and i have to get up early tomorrow anyway. marathon tuition for my sec 3 kid + normal tuition with my JC kid = me needing all the energy i can possibly get.

-random thought of the day: I saw glowing fish today!-