Kata practice sessions appear to be paying off! in case i haven't mentioned it (though i think i have), my kata partner and i have been meeting up at NUS every saturday afternoon for the past month or so (except for one saturday when i was sick). the purpose of meeting up is so that we can work on our kata, under the guidance of one of our judo seniors. apparently, we've been doing something right, because yesterday's session went really, REALLY well! admittedly, we're not 100% proficient yet, but we've definitely come a long way from when we first started practising in december last year. the throws generally feel smoother, and breakfalling doesn't hurt as much as before. as an optimistic estimate, i'd say that we're about...80% ready? basically, we just have to do some fine-tuning and work on our breakfalls. not to forget learning to adapt to slower movements. things seem to be progressing quite nicely, and i'm happy about that.

looking at the Kodokan online shop has got me ridiculously excited! after several months of deliberation, i've more or less decided on how my black belt's going to look. only thing is, i'm still considering whether to leave the non-name end blank, or to put something on there. right now, i'm inclined towards 2 possibilities — leaving it blank, or having the chinese characters for "judo" on it. of course, i'm still open to other options, so please let me know if you have any (sensible) ideas! the order will be placed after CNY, probably 2 weeks from now. if all goes according to plan, i should receive it at the same time as my grading result, so i'll have it handy if i pass. i'm not going to write in detail about the other outcome. bad karma.

CNY is something like 4 days away, so the upcoming week is slack beyond belief. business as usual on monday, in addition to NUS judo training. my physics lecturer cancelled lecture on tuesday as well, so i only have a 1-hour tutorial in the morning. i'll be using the rest of the time to finish up my lab report, as well as to do some enquiry at the office of student affairs. after all that, i'll be meeting my cousin for a meal (most likely dinner). maybe i can use the opportunity to get a little bit of shopping done as well. we'll see what time permits.

my spring-cleaning is mostly done...not that there was much to do for myself, anyway, i suppose the most strenuous thing i did was to partially dismantle my computer to clean out the inside. as an added bonus, that seems to have improved the computer's performance, so yay.

aside from that, i haven't really been observing that many CNY traditions. i don't intend on buying all that many new clothes...maybe a shirt and pair of pants at most. cost/budget concerns aside, i don't really need anything new. but well...it's for the sake of tradition. several people have been telling me that it's traditional to get a haircut before CNY. problem is, they don't specify how long before. my last haircut was around mid-december last year, so will that work? i honestly doubt so, but i shall assume that it does nonetheless. i'm not all that keen on cutting my hair now.

that's about it for now. the nice, cold weather is making an early night sound tempting. i suppose it's better too, as i have to be up early to print stuff in school.

-random thought of the day: I think I'm half cold-blooded.-

There's still some residual energy left after coaching (unbelievable as that may sound), so i'll blog about some recent revelations, as well as about some older stuff.

let's do recent first...like "few hours ago" kind of recent. after some discussion with my boss, i've decided to go for NCAP level 1 practical this year. problem is, the week in which the course is held coincides with my finals week. so i'll be missing two half-days of the course due to exams. looking at it from another point of view, i don't know if i can spare the brain space for more bowling knowledge at that time. this semester's finals are pretty important as well (i still have CAP-pulling to do), and i can't afford to mess them up. there's only one saving grace...the NCAP practical exam is held about 2 weeks after the start of the course, by which time my summer break would have already begun. the best case is that there will be another course available, preferably set entirely in my summer break, but i won't look that far yet. i figure that i'll give the SBF a call to find out more before arriving at a final decision in whether to enrol for the course or not.

timing is one of the major factors affecting my decision. the other is cost. the total fees for the course and the accompanying exam is $300. not cheap by my standards. to think that it only cost something like $40 10 years ago. of course, there's the old argument that 10 years ago, policemen also wore shorts (not literally, but you get the idea), so yes. can't really compare directly. doesn't make me stop wishing and being envious, though. worst thing is, that's only one of the financial bombs i have this year. other similar explosive devices include black belt grading ($250 for the grading, $100+ or so for the belt), and school fees (there appears to be a problem with CPF deductions). not forgetting that i'm supposed to be saving for a car in the background. performing calculations based on what i've experienced so far this year, i'll be very lucky to hit my initial savings target. in fact, having any increase in my bank balance (comparing the end of this year to the end of last year) would already bring a smile to my face. once again, we'll wait and see.

so far, i've been talking about deductions from my bank account. let's now talk about additions instead. as far as i can see, tuition (and coaching, when it's available) is the only really viable way to keep money flowing into the bank. other methods i have thought of include being a paid volunteer for testing experimental drugs, signing up for paid psychological trials, selling some of my old stuff (mostly books), selling myself (though i doubt i'd have any buyers), operating a private taxi service for people who study late in school, renting out my brother's bed on weekdays when he enlists in 2 weeks or so, and other similarly less-feasible plans. as (i hope that) you can see, i'm bordering on desperate here. too bad i'm not senior enough to do TA work in NUS...i've heard that it pays pretty well.

while i'm talking about money, i might as well mention something my dad brought up last month or so. similar to what he's said before, it's about selling the house and moving to another less central location. somehow, it doesn't seem that bad an idea now. i'm not sure why...maybe it has something to do with the $300 000 (or so) cash in hand that we'll have if we do that. i don't think my family's poor enough to desperately NEED it, but hey, who'd say no to an extra $300 000? and even if say, $200 000 (extreme estimate) had to be used to pay off various loans, debts, expenses and whatnot, that still leaves us with a positive $100 000 balance, which can be used for investing, and maybe even getting me a car (i'm still making the sensible choice and targeting the second-hand market, though i'd expect to have a little more room for choice). on the flipside, the main thing holding me back is sentimentality and resistance to change. after all, i grew up in bishan, and i know where almost everything is...from the better hawker centres to certain obscure shops. not to mention the presence of cat high in the neighbourhood as well. despite all the reasons for me to want to stay, the thought of all that spare cash is providing some serious competition.

of course, another important consideration is where exactly we move to. personally i'd like to move to a neighbourhood that is of similar standard to bishan. by "standard", i'm referring to appearance, safety and the overall feeling of the place. if i had to pass out drunk for a night at the void deck of some HDB block, i'd probably prefer to do it in bishan than say, clementi or paya lebar. bishan just gives me a feeling of security. it's probably because i grew up here and never encountered anything really unpleasant. i'm fine if it's a little more remote on a whole (especially if i get a car out of the deal), but the new place should at least look decent, be/feel safe, and have all the essential facilities (library, supermarket, hopefully shopping mall, pool and stadium) within reasonably-walkable distance. maybe somewhere like sengkang or punggol? i don't know. ultimately, it's a family decision, so while my opinion counts for something at least, it's not the definitive answer.

quick digression to today's coaching...i realized that i haven't talked about it yet. turns out that 39 kids showed up instead of 41. even though the reduction of 2 kids doesn't seem like much, i'll take whatever breaks i can get. as expected, it was pretty chaotic. thank goodness we got some of the P6 kids to take charge of small teams of juniors. it didn't work as well as intended, but once again, any relief is welcome. the selection process was easier this year. somehow, the potential choices were easier to identify. could be due to my observation skills improving, or a greater talent disparity amongst the kids. whatever it may have been, we have our 6 people. there may be another round of selection during the next session (after CNY), but i'll cross that bridge when i get to it.

during coaching, a few of the kids asked about my hair. somehow, they seem to form the following relation: long-haired guys = gay. i trust that they didn't learn that from school, but think in that stereotypical way because they're young and don't know any better. thank goodness they behaved reasonably well, and i managed to retain my authority throughout the session. as a reminder to myself, i'm there as their coach, so i can't get close to the primary school kids the same way that i do with the CJC/SJI kids (where i'm there as a senior). clear lines have to be drawn here, especially since i'm more than 10 years older than them. too bad that some of them are already becoming too close for comfort. have to make things clear when the serious coaching begins.

jumping to tuition, my random thought says that i have to decide by tonight, and decide i have. i've arranged for a phone conversation with the kid tomorrow, where i will lay out my conditions, expectations, and other stuff like that. one very important thing i've decided to add is that if he decides to terminate tuition again, he can forget about asking me ever again. breaks for some reason or another are ok, but if he wants to end it, the end will be permanent. reaching my decision to try again simply took too much unnecessary trouble (and killed too many innocent brain cells). i don't want to put myself through something like that again. i just hope that i made the correct decision to try again. normally after committing myself to a decision, i get some gut instinct feedback about whether it was right or not. so far, nothing in me has reacted to this case. maybe it'll come tomorrow, during/after the phone call.

right now, i have 3 confirmed tuition kids, and about 4 who are uncertain. the 3 confirmed are RJC girl, sec 1 RGS girl, and this kid whom i've just been talking about (assuming he still wants it, though it's more than likely he does). the 4 uncertain are ex-SJI-now-CJC boy, who hasn't chosen his A-level subjects yet, last year's RGS girl, MGS girl, and surprisingly enough, a st. gabriel's boy. i know this boy through judo. his judo is brilliant for his age, but apparently, that doesn't apply to his studies. as an added bonus (for me), he takes combined science, so teaching the chem component will be relatively easier. as for the physics part...i don't know. seems like he can cope, but i can TRY to help if need be, i guess. he has my card, so he'll contact me if he wants it.

out of the 4 uncertains, i'm expecting the guys to be more likely to give a favourable response. the girls...not so much. i mean, i taught them last year, and they know how to contact me. so, if they wanted to resume, they should have called me by now. i'm actually having mixed feelings about this. on one hand, i think that they should call me, because they're the ones who want tuition, and are hence in the weaker position. and yet, i could be seen as being in the weaker position too, because i need the money. then again, they don't know that, do they? i have been tempted to call them and ask about resuming, but i'm quite paiseh to do that. after all, i don't want to be seen as gian lui (greedy, money-minded). oh well. either it comes, or it doesn't. based on current estimations, i should have 4 tuition kids (5 if i'm lucky). that should be sufficient to at least keep my bank account at equilibrium by the end of the year.

taking the communication module (aka. ES module) has given me a lot of food for thought. for instance, what job(s) do i foresee myself having in the next 5, 10, 15 years? in an ideal world, i'd be a phd student in 5 years time, maybe an assistant or associate professor in 10, and have made some significant contribution to the chemical world by 15. the one possible kink in this chain of events is that i still am not quite sure about what exactly to research into. but well, i figure that i can work that out later. somehow, my plan includes living in japan for a bit. doesn't matter whether it's for the JET program or some other thing, but i really want to live there for at least a year or two. i can't really explain this urge. guess i just want to be exposed to a new culture or something. strangely enough, i find that my career may, just MAY, parallel that of my organic chem professor. he got his degree and went to japan for about 5 years before coming to singapore to assume his current position. i think he's one of the best people to answer my questions.

whoa...that's quite a substantial amount of stuff...and to think that there are still things i want to cover! well...guess that can wait for another time when the blogging mood strikes again. right now, it's getting late and i should be asleep, or at least getting there. until the next post, then.

I have to shower and leave the house in less than an hour, so i'll make this post quick.

school has been...school. the pressure is on much earlier in the semester, which sucks. as i've said before, i hope that the extra effort of working a little harder in the beginning of the semester will be offset by an easier time during finals period. right now, i'm still treading water nicely. hopefully that keeps up for the rest of the semester. admittedly, this week was a little easier as my analytical and physics lecturers cancelled lectures. must be the CNY mood or something like that.

unfortunately, there's no rest for the wicked...or the people with a black belt grading in march, for that matter. my partner and i are still scheduled for saturday training, hopefully for every saturday until the first saturday of march, which is when the grading will be held. like i mentioned in the last post, we're mostly good to go, though there are still a few kinks to be ironed out. once again, i'm infinitely grateful to our judo senior who's been willing to burn his saturday afternoons to help us with our kata.

some (well, one) of my NUS friends has expressed interest in going down to watch the grading. while i'm happy that he cares enough to take an interest in me and/or judo (even if it's just to watch me get thrown about 20 times), i'm also slightly apprehensive about extending the invitation. i mean, what if i mess up and fail the grading or get put on probation? it would be kind of embarrassing, no? ah well. we'll cross that bridge IF we get to it (and i'm praying that we don't).

ok...last point before i hop in the shower. the very reason i'm showering is because i'm scheduled for coaching later. for some reason or another, my boss' standpoint on my hair has become more relaxed. now, my guideline is that i have to keep it neat, even if it means tying it up. that's a condition i'm more than happy to accept. from what i've heard so far, we're scheduled to have 24 P3 kids, along with the regular members of the CCA, for a grand total of 41 kids. out of those 24 little terrors P3 kids, 6 will be selected for the CCA. shouldn't be that hard, considering that my boss already has his eye on a few kids. and thank goodness it's only a one-hour session today. i'd like to ease into coaching again, so i'm happy that my first coaching session of the year looks relatively light.

right...there's more stuff i want to add, but time does not permit their addition now. so, i guess i'll add them on (and maybe expand on a few things covered here) some other time, maybe later tonight? we'll see.

-random thought of the day: Must reach a decision about tuition by tonight as well.-

Having to clear a mountain of work is already difficult under normal circumstances. trying to do it with all sorts of stray thoughts running through my mind is proving to be practically impossible. i just can't focus! so, i'm hoping that a spot of blogging will put some of these thoughts to rest and allow me to finish my lab report in peace.

another 4 days have passed since my last update. maybe it's because i'm taking more non-examinable modules this semester, but i'm starting to feel the pressure much earlier as compared to last semester. could be due to my lab slots too...i placed the most (mentally) strenuous lab first, and am currently suffering the consequences. well, at least it'll be over and done with that much sooner. bitter first, sweet later. lectures are taking their toll, too. despite having one free day this semester, i'm feeling more tired out in general. must be my time management or something like that. whatever it is, i hope i find my rhythm soon.

illness is mostly gone by now. i'm at 90% effectiveness or so...just have to shake off that cough. in fact, i managed to meet one of my judo seniors for a quick consultation-type thing for my kata on saturday. in general, i think passing shouldn't be a problem, but i want to ace the damned thing. i've had a look at the mark sheet, and the key points are basically what's already been drilled into my head by this same senior. i just think i need to work better with my partner to find something that works for both of us. that, and i also have to get used to breakfalling.

one of those online personality assessments that i took some time ago says that i'm either an INFP (introverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving) or an INFJ (introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging). i tend to think of myself as more of an INFP, because perceiving sounds nicer than judging. anyway, the reason i brought it up is because based on my personality type, i should be able to make some decisions pretty easily, which still isn't happening at this point in time. yes, it's still linked to that tuition dilemma, which apparently, isn't as solved as i'd thought it was. nothing to do with the kid, though...it's all me. me and my overactive brain. ugh.

sometime last year, i remember that we were talking about pleasure in philosophy class. as in, nobody wants anything that's bad for them. even masochists and drug addicts inflict supposedly "bad" stuff on themselves because it makes them feel good...withdrawal symptoms and all that notwithstanding. is it wrong to want something because it'll make you feel good? my personal answer to that question is: no, unless it infringes on other people's rights and liberties. and therein lies the problem. or maybe i'm just overcomplicating things, as is my unfortunate tendency.

sometimes, i just wish i could be a bit more upfront with people. one unfortunate INFP trait is that we're pretty good writers, but we're kind of lacking in the verbal communication department. i suppose it's because i can think twice, thrice, or even more about what i've written before i send the letter or email or whatever, but for spoken words, once they're out in the air, there's no taking them back. and that kind of sucks, especially when you're searching for the correct word to use and the first word that you blurt out isn't it. hopefully my communication skills module will help that along.

i'm sorry that the last few paragraphs sort of degenerated into randomness. it's just that there's a lot of stuff on my mind now. while blogging has helped to clear most of it, there are still odd fragments floating about in there somewhere. maybe i'll take a break, before coming back to do my physics and communication work.

-random thought of the day: Thinking too much again.-

Nineteen days into the new year, and i've only blogged 6 times (including this post). seems like i'm running at sub-normal efficiency, especially now that i don't have to conserve posts. thing is, i've been ill, and an unfortunate side-effect is the corresponding decrease in blogging urges. right now, i'm mostly over the flu (still have a slight running nose and a cough, though), and what's bugging me has evolved into stomach troubles instead. reduced appetite, coupled with increased bowel movement frequency means that i should be losing weight, which is good (as a side-note, i attribute my current ailments to the colder nights. seriously...it's been freezing!). i'm not 100% back to normal working condition yet, but at least i feel well enough to want to blog, so that's something positive.

from sunday till now, school's been the main thing on the radar. i've met my organic lecturer as well as my communication tutor. organic looks like fun. the lecturer's entertaining, funny, and has a cool scottish accent to boot. word around the student body is that he's pretty laid back and takes things pretty easy. while that's my personal attitude as well, it makes me just a little worried that he won't be able to cover the entire syllabus in time. sure, it means that we get tested on less stuff and thus may score better for the module, but ultimately, that's not doing favours to my organic education, which is especially important as that's the area in which i want to specialize. well, we'll see how future lectures go.

my professional communication tutor (i hesitate to use "lecturer" here as the class group is something like 10-strong) is a nice, energetic lady whom i think i'll get along with reasonably well. have i mentioned that one of the assessment criteria is a blog? in class on monday, i found out that i was the only one (aside from the tutor) who has blogged before. while this should give me an advantage, it also might not because the blogging style for an academically-inclined blog is most definitely different from the one i use here...less colloquialisms and more concise, to name just two differences. well...i figure i won't be too lost as far as blogging is concerned.

incidentally, creating a shiny new blog also gives me the opportunity to mess around with blogger's fancy template designer. this blog is still one of the few dinosaurs that use pure HTML to look the way they do. i've looked around the template designer a little bit, and i'm quite impressed and amazed at how easy they've made some tasks, like adding followers, links and stats. maybe it's time for this blog to jump over? ...i don't know. not yet, anyway. maybe at the next template revamp, if i finally get tired of hunting for good-looking, easy-to-modify HTML templates.

taking the fact that i am still slightly under the weather into account, it might not have been my smartest decision to go for training today. and yet, go for training i did. went through 2 kata runs, first without throwing, then with. taking the hard falls seem to hurt less, so i figure that we're doing something right (righter than before, at least). don't get me wrong; THE FALLS STILL DO HURT, but not as much as when we did it the first time. or maybe it's just our bodies toughening up? ...not likely, based on our practice frequency. whatever it may be, i just hope that it continues to work in our favour.

now that we're caught up on current events, i'll talk a bit about my tuition problem. being sick has given me the time to consider the issue from a large variety of perspectives (i daren't say "all perspectives", considering how infinitely many of those things exist). after my long, hard deliberation, i've reached a conclusion, which is "yes, with conditions". i figure that since i gave my word that i'd be there for the kid regardless of whatever, i have to honour it. the prospective lawyer in me is still disagreeing, considering that the exact thing i said was that i'd "do my best" to help. a simple redefinition of my "best" would get me out of this. but am i that mean/unethical? maybe under extenuating circumstances. but for now, i figure that i should at least give it a try, though i have to (1) make my conditions painfully clear, and (2) keep a tight rein on potential bad thoughts. nearly had a moment of weakness today. besides, as a friend mentioned in school a couple of days back, the problem is mostly self-created. just have to look past what i perceive as problematic, i suppose.

diverting to other updates about tuition stuff, SJI boy (i'll have to get used to calling him CJC boy soon, though that might lead to confusion) has once again mentioned that he might be taking chem, either H1 or H2. in fact, he asked me what i thought his chances were if he took the subject. the gist of what i told him is that a B3 at O-level does not mean that acing the subject at A-level is impossible. only thing is that he has to be prepared for consistent work, and not repeat what he did for sec 3 and 4. i also gave him a few sneak previews about what he'd be learning at JC level. hope that helps him to make up his mind. from what i understand, he's got something like a week to finalize his decision. whether he takes chem or not, i just hope he makes his choice work for himself.

i guess it's due to me still recuperating from illness or something, but i've taken to sleeping pretty early this past week. for instance, it's barely past 11:00pm and i'm already yawning! well, at least early bedtimes mean early waking times too (i've been up before 9:00am every morning of the week). this forced change to my body clock might work for the better, as tutorials begin next week, and practically all of my tutorial slots are morning ones. guess i'll turn in early now and finalize the content of my short intro speech thing tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: How important are shared interests to the survival of a relationship?-

Coming down with a bad flu caused all my weekend plans to be thrown out of the window. at its worst stages, i was running a 39.1 degree fever and generally feeling sucky. thankfully, the fever's broken already, leaving me with a persistent cough and a stuffy nose.

with me being sick and all, it's kind of expected that my weekend was pretty boring. i just hope that i'll be well enough to go to school tomorrow, since lectures will be going full-swing. which reminds me...i have to be in school at 9:00am to print lecture notes. i would have done that today, if not for the flu. as a bonus, i hope that i'll be able to train as well.

right now, i'm still trying to shake off that lethargic feeling. must have been the drowsy cough medicine. or maybe i'll just give in and turn in early tonight. yes...sleep does sound good right about now.

-random thought of the day: Unproductive weekend.-

Dilemmas are annoying. but sometimes, the inspiration to find an answer to your problems may come from a totally unexpected source. i'll talk about my source later, because i want to cover tuesday first. truth be told, nothing much happened on tuesday. i had one class, from 6:00pm to 8:00pm. it's called "great ideas in contemporary physics", and it's taught by a german professor. at least i think he's german...his accent and name seem to suggest german heritage. well...i can't say for sure, but i am certain that he's from somewhere in europe. that's not my main point, however. what i do want to highlight was that he started his class by showing this video:

if the first thought that came to your mind was, 'WTF does this have to do with physics!??', let me assure you that you're not alone. the professor explained it by comparing lady gaga to modern physics...something about how both are surprising, and even though we may not like them, we at least have to accept that they exist. i thought that it took a fair bit of imagination to come up with that, but i respect the guy's creativity. so far, it's been a recap of the einstein module, but a little bit more in-depth. looking at the scope of the module, most if it will be familiar, except for the last section on chaos theory. at present, the module looks manageable. thank goodness there's no term paper component. only problem i foresee is that i may have trouble focusing on the lecture because of the timeslot, as well as complacency carried over from the last semester. good thing i know some friends taking the module as well...they should keep me grounded.

today was CJC's open house. i personally felt that it wasn't that successful, at least for judo. it's mostly due to poor planning. for as long as i can remember, judo's always had its booth in the auditorium extension. somehow this year, we got shifted down to the area in front of the PAC. normally, we set up an area that is 8m X 10m or somewhere there. due to space constraints, we had to reduce to 5m X 4m, which made performing some of the stunts quite difficult. not only that, the mats were exposed to the sun. we were (painfully) reminded that the mats are pretty good conductors of heat. standing on them for more than 10 seconds without hopping around was already a challenge. nevertheless, we managed to find a shady spot. all was well for a couple of hours...until it started to rain. we then moved to the TDC (training and development centre), which i'd previously only been to for chinese oral and my NYAA interview. quickly setting up again, we had quite a few sparring matches and a breakfalling exhibition-type thing...pretty standard open house-y stuff.

i seem to recall several people saying that the open house was more for graduated students' benefit than for prospective students. after yesterday, i'm inclined to agree. quite a few judo seniors came back, and i got a chance to meet a couple of them whom i'd only heard of before. i hope i'll see them at future training sessions. from what i saw of their performance yesterday, the kids could learn a lot by sparring with them.

after the open house, (another senior and) i joined some of the kids for dinner, before we split and headed home. on the way home, the group that i was in had some very interesting conversations. for privacy's sake, i can't disclose anything that transpired between us. what i CAN say, though, is that several of my hypotheses were confirmed. looks like my people-reading skills are still up to par. go me!

another bit of good that the conversations did for me was that it made me do some soul-searching/reflection. and somehow, that helped me put my dilemma in perspective. recap: this particular dilemma involves the tuition kid that i don't know whether to take or not. you see, i realize that while i WANT to take this kid, i can't. there's no way i can sit down with this kid for a full 120 minutes and not be distracted by some negative emotions. and after yesterday, that fact has become extremely apparent to me. as for why i can get distracted, let's just say that there are some lines that just cannot be crossed, and being in such close proximity for that length of time is definitely crossing some lines. from a professional standpoint, it's not fair to any kid if i'm distracted for any reason during tuition, since that means that i can't give my 100% to the tutoring session. all things considered, it's in both the kid's and my best interest if i gave up this assignment. that's the logical choice.

i don't mind forgoing the money that this assignment will bring, honestly, i don't (despite me having several financial bombs to defuse in the near future). the thing is, i want to help this kid somehow (besides, i promised that i would do my best to help). and yet, i can't be directly involved for reasons mentioned above. the next-best step would be for me to find a proxy. i'm sure finding another chem tutor in the 100+ people i share core module lectures with can't be that difficult. but this has inherent problems, too. i'm just afraid that i'll make a bad recommendation and screw things up further. taking the kid for tuition myself would be a solution to this problem, but that brings me back to square one. guess i have to give this situation some more serious thought. hopefully that'll lead me to other more feasible alternatives.

why is it so difficult to make these kind of decisions!? i wish i had the willpower to do what one of my friends did, which was to deaden his emotions towards a certain person. maybe i should watch more star trek, and learn to be a vulcan. you know, i think that i should stop accepting tuition kids from immediate social circles...as in, a potential kid can't be directly acquainted with me. that might help me keep work and social life separate. hmm...that's something worth considering. guess i'll sit/sleep on this issue a little more.

-random thought of the day: Emo.-

First days of a new semester in NUS have generally been pretty bleh, and today wasn't an exception. compared to secondary school, the excitement just isn't there. i suppose university kids are too mature (read as "old") to show excitement or any other loud displays of emotion in public. whatever the case, it really was quite dull, and that was made even worse by some of the things that happened today.

for starters, organic lecture got cancelled. we were informed about it at 12:47pm. that sounds ok, until you realize that the lecture slot is from 12:00pm to 2:00pm. see the problem yet? we were sitting there like idiots for 47 minutes, until someone decided to call the professor and ask where the hell he was. it wouldn't have been so bad if the notice came earlier...at least i could have spent the time more constructively. nevertheless, not much harm done, so i can let this go relatively easily. good thing the professor also mentioned that thursday's lecture was cancelled as well. that way, i can laze around in bed a little longer in the morning.

meeting my inorganic lecturer was...ok. she seems like a nice person, if just a little too strict and by-the-book. one thing that kind of puts me off is that she appears to run her life strictly by the clock and, as a result, she's a stickler for deadlines. that's exactly what i'm not, so i don't foresee us being the best of friends. good thing we only have to maintain a good working relationship. i'm sure at least that is achievable. i am happy about the module outline...it demands consistency, which is good for me.

i have quite mixed feelings about the analytical lecturer at this point in time. his lecture style is pretty much "read off the slides", and it doesn't help that his module's content is drier than a desert to begin with. definitely doesn't make for conducive learning. but well...it's only been one lecture. perhaps it's a little soon to pass a verdict. i just hope that things start looking up a bit more, and soon.

during my inorganic lecture break, SJI boy SMSed me to tell me his chem grade. to my disbelief, he got a B3. i can't really explain it. any possible number of things could have gone wrong, or maybe the other people were just better. i don't know. but as i told him when he called me later in the day, the exact result isn't important now. after all, it's served its purpose, which was to get him into CJC. but even then, a part of me can't help but feel...angry? sad? disappointed? frustrated? well...a little of each, i suppose. let's put them together and say "negative" in general. come on, i'd be lying if i said that i was happy with his grade. after all, i've tutored him since he was sec 3, so i know (1) what i've taught him, and (2) what he's capable of. since i don't know the exact mark, i'm going to make the best of a not-good situation and believe that his B3 was bordering on an A2. it's more than likely, so that's what i shall think. i really hope that he's not stringing me along and getting me to believe that his grades are lousier than what he actually got. from the tone of his voice, i believe he's not lying. besides, i think he should know better.

hearing about the result also got me thinking. as you probably know by now, me thinking when in a negative mood results in negative thoughts. one particular thought went like this, 'am i destined to never have an A1 student?' out of the 4 sec 4 kids that i've tutored, i've got 3 B3s and an A2. those aren't very impressive statistics, if you ask me. what's missing? how can i push my kids to A1 standard? have i been underestimating the O-level paper? i'm not that inclined to pin blame on the kids, because some proverb says that the teacher is responsible for the student's shortcomings. i guess i just didn't push the kids hard enough, and/or when it mattered. it's to the point where i've considered giving tuition up. and if it wasn't my only source of income, i just might have. but oh well. i'm hoping that i'll have better luck with the A-level kids this year.

speaking of tuition, i have 2 confirmed kids and 1 undecided one. the 2 confirmed are RJC girl, who SMSed me yesterday, asking to resume next week, as well as another RGS girl, who just started sec 1. i'm taking it relaxed with this second kid, since it's more enrichment than tuition. based on our first session this past sunday (ie. yesterday), my preliminary impression is that she's bright. not near genius girl's supernova brightness, but above average nonetheless. this kid was also introduced/recommended by my dad. i think that he has his connections to the parents of gifted kids. but hey, if it means tuition prospects for me, i shouldn't complain, right?

the third unconfirmed kid has caught me in a dilemma. to borrow a phrase from my chemical engineer cousin, it's a head vs. heart situation...but with a slight twist. background info: i know this kid from somewhere other than tuition. logic (aka. my head) tells me that i should take this kid up, because it means more income for me, and i definitely can manage one more student. on a personal level, i do want this kid to do well, so i should take up the tuition prospect. and yet, another part of my heart tells me NOT to take this kid, because it'll mean more pain (on a personal level) for me. the for-and-against list does get more complicated than this, but i won't post anything else here for fear of self-incrimination.

it's getting late, so i shall end here for the time being. next post will most likely deal with parents, some philosophical stuff, and, if the date is right, the CJC open house.

-random thought of the day: Travelling ruins my mood.-

Year 2 semester 2 will be starting in slightly more than 4 days. i'm having mixed feelings about school. while i am looking forward to the semester and to learning all sorts of new interesting stuff, i'm also worried that the content will become overwhelming. the concern is justified, because i'm taking 2 heavy modules — organic and analytical. i suppose i'll just have to work harder during the semester, to ensure i don't fall behind. come to think of it, this semester might actually be easier, seeing as i only have 3 official finals as opposed to the usual 4 (or 5). of course, this means a corresponding increase in consistency is required all throughout the semester. better get used to it, i guess.

went shopping at popular yesterday. wanted to get a calendar/planner-type thing, and a waterproof bag/case for my stationery. the one i have now is made of cloth, which will absorb sweat from the gi which it will be placed next to in my bag on training days. and having sweaty stationery doesn't make for a conducive (or hygienic) study experience. i'd thought that the crowd wouldn't be that bad on a weekday afternoon, considering the kids had school and all, but if anything, the line seemed worse than during the holiday period! didn't buy anything in the end, as it didn't seem worthwhile to queue 20 minutes for only 2 items. guess i'll try again over the weekend.

i find it kind of ironic/silly that i kept better sleeping hours in the middle of my holidays than now. with the threat of getting up early for school close at hand, i've suddenly taken to sleeping after 2:00am. not smart. but well, at least i don't have any 8:00am lessons in the semester, so i guess i can afford to sleep and wake up a little later during school time. still, i'll try to adjust back to regular hours. healthy living is one of my goals, after all.

my cousin's back in singapore for his term break! he's back for about 3 weeks or so, because he stayed back in australia for his girlfriend's graduation. the timing kind of sucks, because we're only simultaneously on holiday for this week...or what's left of it, anyway. this makes catching him for a meal and/or an outing kind of difficult. but it's not like our schedules will be too packed to make room for each other. at least mine isn't; i don't know about his. i mean, my wednesdays are free, after all (though that may change soon). and if all else fails, there's the weekend(s).

there's a high probability that i'll be annoyed for most of tomorrow. reason being that it's lab bidding. well...more of "fighting" than "bidding". unlike the rest of the departments, chem labs and tutorials are not subject to bidding/allocation through CORS. instead, it's a first-come-first-serve thing on IVLE. and knowing the singaporean mentality, most students (myself included, sadly) will be camping on IVLE to try and secure their lab slots. thankfully, i have some degree of flexibility, as my labs can go on either tuesday or friday. either way, we'll see what happens tomorrow. i really really hope that my computer and internet work fine.

-random thought of the day: Blog about UHC.-

Post #1001! my first post of the year is usually written on new year's day, but that wasn't quite possible this year. you see, some plans were spontaneously thrown together at the last minute, and that kind of displaced my blogging timeslot by about half a day. nevertheless, i'm blogging now, and better late than never, right?

so...about those plans. my original intention was to attend the alumni gathering at turf city in the morning, then maybe meet a judo senior for lunch. while at the gathering, the idea of a mahjong session was thrown about and ultimately agreed upon, so there was massive schedule tai-chi. mahjong was fun. i think that yesterday was my first time playing in about half a year or more. surprisingly, the rust wore off pretty quickly. got a couple of nice hands, and ultimately emerged $10 up. hope that's a good sign for things to come in the rest of the year.

by the time mahjong was done, it was already about 6:30pm. my friends decided to go to thomson plaza for dinner, but i had to pass over as i was expected at my cousin's place. it wasn't anything out of the ordinary...just went down, had dinner, watched TV, played cards...standard home-y bonding stuff i suppose. surprisingly enough, i fell asleep at about 11:00+. maybe mahjong took more out of me than i'd thought, considering it's been a while since i'd last played.

nothing really interesting happened between then and now, so here i am blogging. as is customary, here are my resolutions for 2011:

- to maintain (or better yet, improve) my CAP.
- to get my black belt within the year (preferably in march).
- to be an effective coach and tutor.
- to think things through thoroughly before action.
- to be more receptive to feedback, positive or negative...and to consider them seriously.
- NOT to get overly affected by things beyond my control.
- to have the courage to face up to unpleasant things.
- to have a clean driving record.
- to start and end each day right.
- to end the year with more money than the current amount in my bank account (unless major purchases — say, a car — were made).

i can't think of anything else at the moment, but i'll add on if something comes to mind.

comparing my resolutions with last year's, there isn't much difference, except that this year's list is more condensed. some resolutions have become kind of granted, so there's not much point to write them out. i just hope i can stick to everything i've written here. if i can, there's really no reason for 2011 to be a bad year, is there?

-random thought of the day: "In brightest day, in blackest night..."-