Big news! i'm on the final shortlist for the JET program, which means that i'm almost certain to be headed to japan. the only possible things that could prevent that are if (1) i reject the offer, or (2) a placement can't be found for me. i have until 15 april to accept or decline, so there's still some buffer time for me to figure things out.

the JET info just came in barely an hour ago, so it was without knowledge of my JET results that i went to visit my big brother figure yesterday. his place is nice, although i did forget he has a dog. the dog is fairly docile and friendly, so it wouldn't really be an issue if i moved in. the main issues we discussed were location and rent. in case i haven't mentioned it yet, his place is in punggol, which is almost across the island from tuas, where most of the chemical industry in singapore is located. he quoted $750 per month for rent, but did say that he'd be willing to go down to $700 for me. he also said that as much as he wanted a tenant and the rental income, he felt that that $700 per month would be better put towards getting a place of my own. i think that's how you can tell that you're kind of important to someone, when they put your interests/welfare above their own. honestly though, i'd love to stay with him. he's one of those people who takes care of those around him, and makes you feel at ease. it's just unfortunate that the few cons are severe enough to compete against the pros.

i also updated him about lawyer guy, and the guy who sent me the letter without me giving him my address. he was able to identify lawyer guy on the first try from a group photo of several guild members, by the simple observation that there was only one guy who was my type. damn him for knowing me that well! he also gave me a reality check, both for JET and lawyer guy. after i told him that lawyer guy's been in a relationship with a girl before, he told me not to get my hopes up. and i see the rationale. couples can split up for any number of reasons, but it's highly improbable that the reason is because the guy is actually gay. although i've read several confession posts of gay guys marrying straight women. yes, here in singapore! but well, it's best not to hope too much. the consensus here is to enjoy lawyer guy's company as a friend...maybe find out more about the circumstances of the split, then decide whether to make my feelings known or not. on a semi-related note, the possibility of renting from lawyer guy is extremely tempting. but again, i don't know if he'll be agreeable to the idea in the first place.

as for the other guy, i was advised to meet up with him! i have my reservations still, though, because i'm not sure if i want to start something when it's more than likely that i'll be leaving the country for an extended period of time. yes, i know that it's just an assumption that anything further may develop. for all i know, we'll never communicate again after that hypothetical meeting. while i am more inclined to letting it remain hypothetical for now, a part of me thinks that the decent thing to do would be to acknowledge receipt of the message. did i mention that i was also called out on a public forum? that's something i do not feel entirely comfortable with, and i think i'll have to address that in due time. for now...i don't know. i guess i'll sleep on it for a while longer.

reminder to self: today is 30 march, that means the 15 april deadline is just over 2 weeks away, and not a month as i'd previously thought. have to bear that in mind and not meditate overlong. i'm due to meet scary JC friend and her sister tomorrow to get some additional thoughts, covering an extra class on wednesday, and possibly drinking with my big brother figure on friday night, and overnighting at his place. yesterday's visit was kind of cut short because he had a uh, gentleman caller scheduled. there's some drinking planned for friday, but i think it'll be fine.

-random thought of the day: my left shoulder feels weird.-

Additional news and developments over the last few days have made me rethink about the feasibility of going ahead with plan japan. the US announced delays in JET departures to japan until after april at the earliest, and several countries also announced delays in the release of results for regular departure. on the other hand, australian candidates just got their results today, so maybe geographical proximity or number of applicants affects the speed of results delivery? no official word from the local japan embassy yet, so i'll call them on wednesday, which is after the 31 march deadline.

you know how i blogged about my epic journey to commencement last year? it was epic because the pieces of the puzzle fell into place so nicely, with minimal input/effort needed on my part. in contrast, this JET journey seems way more not meant to be. to be clear, it wasn't unreasonably difficult or anything, and i think i put in my fair share of effort. enough to feel like i worked for it, and not like it's being handed to me on a silver platter. but just at things are coming to a close, the stupid pandemic strikes. i'm just a little bit upset that i put in all the time and money (yes, those medical screenings weren't free) to get it done, but i know that it's already a sunk cost and it shouldn't factor into my future decisions. the main difficulty i will have if i were to withdraw my application is that i'll have to update my japanese lecturer, and perhaps ask her for another recommendation letter if i decide to reapply in the future. that is, if reapplication is even possible. there doesn't seem to be a definite rule about that. the US stand is that applicants can be disqualified for the subsequent year after rejecting their placement (but are welcome to apply again after that), while it's a lifetime ban for UK applicants under similar circumstances. i'm inclined to believe that singapore would follow the latter. but given that this pandemic is an exceptional situation, who knows? with that in mind, i think i'll run on parallel tracks until things pull me in one way or another.

like i said in my last post, i do want to talk more about moving out. i've taken another concrete step in that direction, by arranging a visit with my big brother figure to get a feel for his place. it's still in the punggol area, which might pose a problem if i end up taking a chemical-related job in tuas. lawyer guy stays way closer to tuas, so it would be more logical to work something out with him...although i feel awkward about asking him, and i think the odds of him agreeing are low. coming back to this renting business, i wonder what an acceptable rate would be? market research says that a room goes for anywhere from $300 to $900 per month, depending also on location and whatever amenities are packaged along. given our relationship and my current job status, i THINK i can ask him for a slightly lower rate until i get permanent employment. at the same time, i don't want to rip him off. although it can also be argued that any amount of money i pay is a net income/profit for him, but still. one thing i know from experience is 谈钱伤害感情, or talking money hurts relationships. in the extreme worst case, i suppose that i can not rent from him, and we can still remain friends. will have to think of backup plans though, just in case.

right now, the biggest challenge i'm facing is having to restructure classes to something more suited for online delivery. for some reason, i'm still not being put into the virtual rooms for the classes that i'm supposed to take this weekend. i'm hoping that this means the regular teacher is considering cancelling her leave or something like that, which will leave me free this sunday. the saying is that not every day is sunday, but it will be sunday on that day, so i'm still hoping. the guild outing that was scheduled for tomorrow has been cancelled too, due to the new social distancing laws. while it would have been nice to see them again, there'll be more opportunities in the future. lawyer guy didn't register his intent to go, so...yeah. anyway, i think the next week or so will be quite important, in terms of the decisions i will have to make. just hope that i'll make the decisions that ultimately work out the best for me.

-random thought of the day: Just wait and see.-

Could my mouth (fingers?) be any more unlucky!? just after i blogged about not wanting to do online teaching yesterday, the government announces that several types of establishments, including tuition centres, are to be closed for about a month starting from thursday. that means my 2 classes this sunday will now have to be online classes. good thing that the topics to be covered don't appear that difficult, but i will have to think about how to effectively check for students' understanding and maintain their attention.

the more worrying thing is JET results. i don't know how it'll be for singapore, but the UK side has announced a delay in receiving the JET results, with no new deadline given by japan. i guess we'll see how the next week or so plays out, but here's my current idea: if i don't receive news by 31 march, i will call the embassy on 01 april. depending on what they tell me, i may decide to give up on plan japan. either way, if it comes down to that, i'll probably start applying for a job locally. no harm having backup plans, right? the position at the university seems to have been filled, because the job ad is no longer up. oh well. i've seen a fairly good number of research positions available, but i'm not sure if i'm ready to go back to the failure-filled research life. right now, the openings that catch my eye are more for administrative positions that require scientific knowledge, but i'll probably have to cast a wide net.

as you may know, i haven't been doing much recently. don't know whether i should say despite this or because of this, but whatever it is, i haven't been sleeping well. like, i typically go to sleep at about 1:00am, but i'll wake up between 4:00am to 7:00am, usually from a dream. i'll then fall back asleep (dreaming again) until anywhere from 8:00am to 10:00am. it's resulted in me generally feeling listless through the day, and only perking up towards the evening/night. there must be something wrong.

my eyes are feeling a bit tired, so i guess i'll continue tomorrow. i want to talk about some of my other plans, so that i can see where i might run into some issues. in particular, moving out is something i want to dedicate additional brainpower to. that and more, in the next post!

-random thought of the day: Not very encouraging, these signs.-

Yet another week passed with no JET news. it's still within the expected timeframe, so i guess that's ok. the end-march deadline is drawing ever-closer, though. i do wonder if things will be postponed due to COVID. after all, there are rumours now that japan is even considering postponing the olympics, despite their previous absolute insistence that everything would carry on as per normal. JET is far less prestigious/important than the olympics, so they may just take their cue from there. well, as i've reasoned to myself so many times before, no use worrying about hypotheticals. although i will say that if i don't get confirmation by end-march, i will start focusing on plan not-japan, ie. job hunting, planning to move out, all that other stuff. i figure i can't/shouldn't put things on hold for much longer. besides, it's better to have more options in this case. if JET news comes in at a later stage, i have the flexibility to accept or decline if they want me, and (hopefully) i already have another job if they don't.

at present i'm not very much affected by the whole COVID situation. as with SARS, i don't personally know any of the infected people. to be fair, though, there are 455 cases out of about 5.6 million people, or approximately 1 in every 12300. further considering that i've been leading quite the shut-in life, odds are low that i'd come into contact with any of the infected people. another reason that i don't experience much disruption to my daily life is that i'm not working full-time. i've heard my friends talking about business continuation plans, working from home, all that stuff. i'm mostly grateful that i don't have to deal with all that, because it does sound like a hassle. on the other hand, it must be nice to get to change up the routine a bit, while still getting paid.

that's not to say i'm completely unaffected, though. the tuition place is preparing for the possibility that MOE declares that schools be shut down. we're getting training for this online class platform, which i hope i don't have to use. i'm not one for online teaching. anyway, it seems to me that schools are unlikely to close. so far, MOE has only announced cessation of CCAs and other activities, and i hope that's as far as they go.

speaking of tuition, yesterday was pretty brutal. 3 classes meant that i was on my feet for almost 6 hours, except when i sat down to do some marking while the kids were doing some assigned work. my calves are still aching, even now. 2 of the classes were bio, but thankfully they were topics that i'd taught before. i always dread seeing a particular colleague's name on my cover list, because she is mainly a bio teacher, and has 3 classes on sundays. what usually happens is that they'll assign me to take all her classes when she goes on leave, unless they need me to take a higher level or something. for the record, i have nothing against her personally, and i think we're on at least cordial if not friendly terms. it's just that feeling of knowing that there's a heavy and most likely bio-filled day ahead whenever her name comes up on my list. anyway, like i said before, i'm paid (pretty well) to do this, so i think that as long as the workload is reasonable and those 3-class days don't happen that often, i should be fine.

haven't decided on a plan of action regarding that letter and that guy. i suppose i should begin with the end in mind, and ask myself what i want to get out of this. i'm not particularly interested in reconnecting with him, or developing the interaction any further (say, into a friendship or romantic relationship). just based on that, it seems that my answer is clear - ignore the letter and move on with life. however, i am also really curious as to how he got my address, and what prompted him to reach out after so long. is there a middle ground? i'm thinking that i should be able to call him without revealing my own number. i wonder if i can find a payphone anywhere now? another alternative would be to use a phone at tuition, which allows me to hide the outgoing number. the drawback there being basically no privacy during the call. well...i'll figure something out. i mean, at most i end up not contacting him. i figure that i don't lose or gain anything by maintaining the status quo.

-random thought of the day: What to do...-

Perhaps some higher power thought i could make better use of my time as well, because i was just landed with an interesting situation. what happened is that i received a letter from a guy i'd only ever spoken to online. to make things even more interesting, the last time we spoke was in...2017? i'm pretty sure it was after i'd moved to sengkang. yup, checking some old chat logs confirms it. 2017. i remember that our conversation ended on a less-than-pleasant note, hence its discontinuation. i occasionally thought about him, but never really thought about reconciliation, or even contacting him again. that is, until this letter came in.

you may know that i pride myself on being quite resourceful when it comes to getting information and solving problems, but i have not for the life of me been able to figure out how this guy got my address. the simplest explanation would be that my address is available online somewhere, and he just searched for it...except it's not. i googled myself, and only found things that link me to my lab in NUS, and my linkedin profile, of which i believe outsiders can't really see much. the next thought is that i may have given it to him and forgot, though i generally don't make a habit of giving my address to people who don't need to know.

if we were to rule these possibilities out, the only other explanation would be that he obtained it through underhand means. like, maybe calling NUS, or somewhere i've worked before, and asking someone for it. or perhaps there's a government service that auto-fills a person's address after entering their name? i'm sure that if such a thing exists, the citizens' convenience was the main concern, although more...creative people could use it for things like this. while it may be possible that he got my address through sheer luck/coincidence (like, him working somewhere and just seeing my name and address), i'm disinclined to believe that it was pure chance. i'd think that he had to put in at least some measure of effort.

analyzing this situation a bit more thoroughly tells me a couple of things: the letter was probably hand-delivered, as it doesn't bear a stamp or any postmarking. unless he used the old "put only one address on and hope for the best" trick. even then, there'd be some stamp or something from the post office right? the other thing is that he got the postal code wrong. while it was not for my block, it was for a building very close by. again, i think that it might be possible that the post office has some hardworking employees and/or tracking system, but i don't know. am i giving them too much credit?

for the record, i'm not angry, upset, or scared. nothing like that. i'm more curious as to how he obtained my address! i could learn a couple of tricks. so i guess the question now is what do i do? contact him, or not? i must acknowledge that he placed a not-small amount of faith in me by giving me his phone number in the letter. i don't know. will probably sleep on this and decide soon.

-random thought of the day: Still can't figure it out.-

My standby for tuition got cancelled today, so i'm grateful for that small miracle. have 3 classes next week though, so it's like the calm before the storm right now. still, i'm sure i'll be fine. all 3 classes are doing topics which i've taught before, so the main challenge will actually be getting all the marking done in time before the centre closes for the day. well, i'll worry about that next week.

over the past 2 days, there was some guild drama. i want to talk about both what the drama was, and how it was handled, because i have some opinions on both those things. let's start with what the drama was, and some background information for context. unofficially, a "cult" surrounding the leader exists within our guild. it's just a running joke, no actual cult worship or creepy things like that. the leader is a good sport and goes along with it for the most part, although he does half-heartedly protest now and then. so, person A was making a joke, like "have you heard about our lord and saviour, the guild leader?". person B took offense to that, as he felt that it was making fun of his religion (christianity) and trying to antagonize him. person A explained that it was a reference to this meme:

person B then called out the guild management in a public channel, and told person A to not act stupid. some other unpleasant remarks were exchanged, before things died off when someone forcefully changed the subject. i was online when all of this went down, and i felt that it was making a mountain out of a molehill. first off, i don't see why person B got so sensitive over the phrase "lord and saviour". bear in mind, we didn't know that he was christian in the first place, and he'd never voiced out objection to use of that phrase (not to me, at least). so this came as quite out of the blue. next, i never thought i'd meet such a fanatical christian. to me, religion is kind of a non-issue. i mean, i'll do my best to respect your religion, but within reason. like, i know about not taking god's name in vain, but what if i believe in a different god, and am referring to my specific god when i say "oh my god?" is that a basis to get offended? people used to refer to nobles as "my lord", and a saviour can be someone who's literally saved you from an unpleasant circumstance. don't get me wrong, i also know the religious connotation particularly regarding christianity, and i think that person B was right to express his offense that his religion was (in his view) being disrespected, but he could (and should) have done it in a less confrontational manner. i'm sure that most people, when told "this offends me, could you please stop?" would respond more favourably than if they were told "don't act stupid, you know why that's offensive" - which is essentially what person B said.

context is important in this matter too. at no point did person A bring christianity into this, and it was actually only upon person B's reaction that the association with christianity was established. to use an example perhaps more personally relevant, i'd get offended if someone said "hey, you fag" to me, because it's a derogatory term for a gay person. but i'd be perfectly fine if someone said "i'll have a fag while we wait", because "fag" is also slang for cigarette. it's more widely used in the UK, though. same thing with the word "gay". it does make me a little uncomfortable when someone says "that's so gay" when they actually mean "that's so overpowered/unfair", but i know they're not deliberately targeting the gay community. contrast that with "he's so gay" when talking about a guy who displays stereotypical "gay" behaviour, like being effeminate, having a high voice, etc. that would be a problem. long story short is, don't just look at the controversial words. also see how their use was intended. also, give people at least 1 chance to make things right. in chinese, the saying goes something like "给人家下台的机会", or give people a chance to disengage with their dignity intact. if they don't take it and/or persist in antagonizing you, then by all means do what you have to. my motto is that ignorance is fine, but stupidity isn't.

to be honest though, i'd found person B to be a bit of an odd duck. he was entitled to full member privileges, but chose to do things solo and not request help from any of us. i mean sure, that's within his rights, but why join a guild if you're going to play solo? i asked him about it, and he said that he felt that it wasn't right for him to "leech" off other members when he wasn't contributing. i don't agree, but i respect his views. the thing that really made me uncomfortable was that upon learning that i was single, he kept egging me on to find a girlfriend. he also said that i'd make good husband material. while i appreciated the compliment and the thought behind it, i wonder how he would have reacted if i'd told him i was into guys? especially knowing how hardcore of a christian he is, i'm not sure that would go down well. it kind of makes me wonder - you assume certain things about people when you first meet/interact. that's a natural behaviour. what happens if your assumption is the exact opposite from reality? i suppose it depends on how much that differs with your personal values and what you deem is acceptable, but like in this case, i think it'd go from being treated as a friend and maybe confidante to being ignored, or worst case, harassed. well, i don't view losing such a "friend" as a loss, so yeah. the thing i think we can all take away from this is to lighten up, and be careful not to impose one's beliefs onto others.

more importantly, i was super impressed at how one of the people in charge handled this person's removal from the guild. i'd thought that i was decently tactful at handling tricky situations, but this blew me completely out of the water. in fact, i'd go so far as to say i got schooled in how to deal with people. i've asked him to teach me his secret/thought process, but without much luck. if i were to dissect it based on what i read, i think it stems from a combination of having a complete picture of the situation in question, having your desired outcome in mind, and maintaining your cool while navigating towards said outcome. easier said then done. of course, not letting things affect you on a personal level, and not making things personal with the other party, are also key factors, i'm sure. guilds are called "free companies" in final fantasy, and my guild is kind of run like a company, hierarchy and all. thankfully there's no politics as far as i know, and everyone gets along for the most part. in another freak coincidence, one of the members worked as customer service in the learning lab, at a venue to which i've been before! odds are we never interacted, but it's interesting to see how connections can come from the most unexpected places.

elsewhere, i'm still playing the waiting game. should hear something back within the next 16 days. with luck, news will come as early as tuesday, but i don't want to get my hopes up. i've been kind of second-guessing myself, but there's not much point now, is there? i don't intend on rejecting my placement, perhaps unless if it was on an island with poor/no internet access. but until that scenario happens (if it indeed does happen), i'll just have to find ways and means to get my mind off it.

-random thought of the day: Who says you can't learn life skills from games?-

Do dreams foretell the future, or give more insight to your current state of mind? last night, i dreamt that i was talking to my cousin at my aunt's place. we were doing a survey thing, and one question which he had to ask me was "so your plan to go to japan can be described as..." my answer to that was "無理だ", which means "impossible". the status of plan japan depends on if i receive an email later (and how my call with the embassy lady goes if i don't), so i hope that the dream was just a product of my anxiety over the entire situation in general. there was another memorable component to the dream, about having to use a high-powered electric toothbrush. no teeth falling out this time, thank goodness. haven't had that kind of dream in a pretty long time. or if i've had one recently, i'd forgot about it by the time i woke up.

will update later on how the thing goes, i guess. fingers crossed.

--------------------
Update at 3:23pm
--------------------

just got off the phone with the nice embassy lady. she says that there hasn't been news from japan regarding early arrivals. it's not uncommon for no early arrivals to be chosen from singapore, so i guess that's that. she did tell me that final results (ie. going or not going) would be made known by the end of march, so that leaves me in 2+ more weeks of limbo. i can live with that, i think. gives me a bit more time to rethink my plans, too.

-random thought of the day: Maybe not going is better?-

Ugh. still nothing heard from the japan embassy. hopefully the email comes in tomorrow. if not, the plan is to call the nice embassy lady on wednesday. turns out i'm not the only one freaking out about this, because there are posts on reddit and some other sites asking if anyone has received results. the answer is "no", by the way, so i think it's just that they haven't been announced yet. it goes some way to alleviate my worry, but not to completely eliminate it. the other point of worry is if i get selected, but not for the early placement in april. like i said last post, that means i'll be stuck in singapore for another 6 months or so, because the latest i can go over is september. it's tempting to tell them to not consider me if i don't get an april placement, yet it also feels like a waste. no point in speculating at this time, i guess, but i need to take action once way or another once i know the result.

to that end, i did ask my big brother figure if he'd be willing to rent a room out to me. his first reaction was to ask if i was ok, which i thought was really nice of him. you see, although i don't know any cases personally, there have been stories of LGBT people (even kids of school-going age) getting thrown out of the house after coming out to their parents. knowing that my orientation will likely be a point of contention, i guess he assumed that i came out to the people i'm living with and things took a turn for the worse. anyway, he quite readily agreed even after i assured him that i was perfectly fine and not in danger of being homeless, so that gives me hope. i did tell him that i was just asking to better understand my options, so there's no obligation on anyone's side yet. funnily enough, i said that i wouldn't want to stay with my guild leader because he smokes, but i'd forgotten that my big brother figure smokes too! it's probably because both he and his house don't smell of smoke, as he only smokes in the open-air laundry yard/balcony thing when at home. so that's a huge plus. i'm still sorely tempted to ask lawyer guy, though my better sense tells me that it would most likely make things awkward. well...maybe when we know each other better. or when i'm sufficiently drunk.

perhaps what added on to my fear was reading those JET threads on reddit. it seems that a great proportion of the users there have negative experiences while on JET. part of it is (in my opinion) justifiable, such as when they're being asked to report to school despite classes being cancelled, so they end up sitting around doing nothing for the whole workday. or being underutilized, like only being asked to read one english sentence out loud in an entire english period. other parts, i'm not so sure. some people report being subjected to racism or exclusion from groups/social activity, and i don't know who's to blame without more details. on one hand, the japanese can be quite unfriendly to non-japanese people (based on experience in final fantasy). but on the other, maybe the foreigners didn't try hard enough to integrate? hard to say. i do know that it greatly helps if you speak the language, though. the tagline for JET is ESID - every situation is different - so it really depends on if you get along with your colleagues.

continued browsing jobstreet today. as compared to yesterday, most of the nice job ads are gone. i guess monday is when companies and recruiters clean up their posts. as i was browsing, i realized that i didn't really want to do anything research-oriented. at the same time, most jobs require some professional certification, like workplace health and safety. the job ad that i was most interested in, the one with a university, has also been taken down, although an ad for the same position by a recruitment firm is still up. as i was contemplating my decision to stick with JET in the face of some of these more financially lucrative opportunities, i was reminded of a quote i saw quite recently. "people often think about going back in time to change their past so as to change their present. yet, no one thinks about changing their present to affect their future." it's kind of a time's arrow thing, i guess? the present is to the past what the future is to the present, so it does make sense. people often have the value of hindsight - like, things would be better if i did that thing differently, or i should have done this years ago. it applies forward as well, and i should remember that. there's even a name for it - foresight. i also watched an interview that stephen colbert did with neil degrasse tyson this past week, and one of the questions was "what are you the most worried about in the next century?" the answer was basically that the things that we should be really worried about hadn't been discovered yet. not sure how good of a tie-in that was to my point that maybe the ideal job posting i'm looking for hasn't been posted yet. granted, i'm looking at a scale of 1 year, not 1 century, so there are bound to be some assumptions that don't hold up. i just hope that i'm doing the right thing.

ok. let's sum up my plan of action once and for all. tomorrow - wait and hope for a confirmation email. if nothing received, call the embassy on wednesday. if confirmed to be going in april, great. if not, ask for a timeline to facilitate planning. i honestly hope that they can give me a clear yes/no answer. it's unlikely that i'll withdraw myself from consideration from JET, unless i'm on waitlist (ie. not selected to go but kept in reserve) or if i get posted to an island (it's happened to some!). barring those cases, i think i should be set on going. looking at it objectively, it makes no sense to worry. the decision has probably been made already. knowing that doesn't seem to help my nerves, though. again, i'm grateful that i gave my best during the application process and the interview, so whatever the outcome, i should be able to hold my head high. let's see what develops over the next 2 days.

-random thought of the day: Do I have my priorities straight?-

Office hours ended on friday with my inbox remaining disturbingly lacking in emails from the japan embassy. granted that there are like 23 days (13 working days) left in march, so my worry may be a little premature. the worry is mainly because i don't like being kept in suspense for overly long. they contacted me for the interview on 07 january, which was tuesday of the second week. if i follow that same timeline, i should know either way by this coming tuesday. i'm sorely tempted to call them next friday or the following monday if there's still no news by then. worst case is they tell me that i haven't been accepted. actually no. worst case is they tell me to continue waiting, because i won't be able to make any solid plans! in view of that possible scenario, and also to remind myself of things to do, i figure that i should write about both cases - acceptance and rejection. was thinking of doing a simple bullet list, but i think i'll go into more detail since it might be a fairly huge change in my life.

acceptance
if they do take me on, then like the song says, i'll be gone. not in a day or two, though. more like in a month or more. i suppose the biggest task would be to figure out what to bring, and what to leave behind. i'll probably end up bringing a laptop, tablet, stationery, clothes, maybe toothpaste and supplements. toothpaste only because fluoridated toothpaste is apparently hard to come by in japan. and as for the supplements, i mean, since i've bought them, might as well consume them before they expire, right? i hope that bringing them into japan won't be a problem.

the next challenge would be deciding what to do with the stuff that i'd have to leave in singapore. the most convenient thing to do would be to just leave everything in my room, but i'm not inclined to do that. my current idea is to sell/give away what i can, then pack the remainder into boxes and store them somewhere. thinking of asking some friends for favours, or worst case renting a small storage space. i was kind of toying around with the idea of bringing my desktop along, but i'm pretty sure it would be more hassle than it's worth.

of all the stuff to leave behind, i can't forget about the car. there are currently 2 options: deregister and scrap it, or sell it to my uncle. the second option is contingent upon whether he wants to buy it, of course. but my cousin did suggest that i at least ask, because it would make more sense for him to be able to drive around.

apart from that, there's still all the services that i'd have to terminate or put on hold. still thinking what to do with my phone number, because i really like it a lot. not to mention that basically all of my contacts associate me with that number. i think i might end up just paying the monthly bill, but i'll probably also switch to a non-contract basis. there doesn't seem to be a service to suspend it or put it on hold, and even if there was, i doubt they'd allow me to do it for a year. i'm thinking of closing an extra bank account, to have all my cash in one place in case emergency withdrawals might be required. not to mention reducing the risk of falling below the minimum sum required. that should be most of the important considerations.

rejection
there is still a chance that they might not choose me, and it's vital that i remind myself of that. even more importantly, it's essential that i have a plan so as not to waste any more time than necessary. even in the event of rejection from JET, i still have 2 choices - to aim for japan, or settle in singapore. i do know about some other companies that have similar schemes to JET, you know, the whole going to japan to teach english thing. the difference is, they're private companies and not government-linked. the pay is a little lower too, and there's one company that pays by the class instead of a fixed monthly salary. i'm not sure if i want to do something that's variable/commission-based.

based on all those considerations, perhaps it might be more viable to stay in singapore? i mean, i could interpret rejection from JET as a sign that it's not the right time to move to japan. or i could interpret as a test, that i need to further prove my commitment. but that's all up to my own interpretation, isn't it? whatever the case, there's no denying that i'll draw a higher salary in singapore. i was just browsing jobstreet to get a feel of what's available out there, as far as science-related jobs are concerned, and i noticed 2 things. (1) there seem to be so many jobs with amazing terms available, and yet they're not filling up. (2) the IP firm is still hiring. based on what i know of the office space conditions, i wonder why? oh well. not my business. a part of me still believes that i might do well in the IP industry. but well...i suppose that it would be no harm in applying to another firm, if only just to convince myself that IP is not for me.

even if i do stay in singapore, i do plan to move out. i realize that staying with people who don't bring me joy is very emotionally taxing, and that i'll still be unhappy no matter what. the idea is to rent a room, but from who? there are a few people i have in mind, one of whom would be my big brother figure. my cousin was originally my #1 choice, back when he just got his new house. but my cousin-in-law's brother moved in with them, so that didn't work out. it's even less likely to work out now, what with the baby. i am also kind of considering asking my friend (scary JC friend's boyfriend), but i'm not sure how the logistics might work out there. i mean, his house is big enough, and he doesn't need extra rental income, but i think i'll only ask him if most of my other options don't work out. based on his character, i think he'd probably be ok with it. but i don't want to push my luck. just to entertain a wild fantasy of mine, i did consider asking lawyer guy. i know that he lives alone as well, and hence probably has a spare room available. but it might be a bit weird to get asked this out of the blue, no? still, one can hope. another possible candidate is my guild leader...although he's low on my list only because he smokes.

looking again at the JET terms and conditions, it seems that early arrivals are due in japan by 12 april. that's just a hair over a month from now. which means that if i do get selected, i'll have just about the bare minimum reaction time to submit my resignation, call in favours, all that stuff. that also means that i'll have to change my plan, and call them by this coming wednesday. of course, the april deadline may be pushed back due to coronavirus, so that's something i have to take into account too. one scenario which i haven't adequately prepared for is in the event that i am selected for JET, but have to depart at a later date, say september. i'd have to find things to do for however long it is between now and flying. i'm just thinking that it might be better if they flat-out reject me if they're not sending me over in april, but we'll see.

-random thought of the day: So many considerations!-

Spent some time over the last few days helping a friend translate an english article into chinese. for context, the last time i wrote anything substantial in chinese was in J1. and even then, i had next to no idea what i was writing. the article was about kurash, and the body of text i received made me almost certain that the original text was written in uzbek, and then passed through google translate to get an english version. let me illustrate with a couple of sentences taken word-for-word from what i received - "As kurash is a humanitarian value, it is reflected in character of humanism. Simply, it can be seen that kurash is just type of sport after particular preparation of athletes or attempts to defeat one another in competitions." now multiply that standard of english by 3 pages of text. it took me about 6 hours spread over 3 days to get through the whole document.

but that's not all. if it was amazing ideas expressed poorly, i'd still have something to work with. the main gist of those 3 pages can be summed up into a couple of sentences - "kurash is a cultural heritage of uzbekistan, and delivers many benefits in bringing up strong youth. therefore, it should be popularized the world over." you can probably imagine that stretching that to 3 pages requires a large degree of repetition. the whole article gave me a feeling of like when you have to meet a word count, but don't have enough substantial content, so you end up repeating and paraphrasing your points. not only that, most points were largely unsupported, and the logic used was mostly circular. for example (paraphrased), "kurash is important as it teaches values like honesty, bravery, patriotism. therefore it can be seen that kurash is important. several studies have been done due to the importance of kurash, and it is also from those studies that we can see kurash is important." there were no citations, although a few names were dropped. not being familiar with uzbek academics, i have no idea what these people did. i think my friend mentioned that the authors were hoping to publish in a journal. if it can't even pass my scrutiny, there's no way any reviewer will allow it through.

it's interesting, because this provides some clues into the general attitude of the uzbek people. along with what i've observed, uzbeks are very laid back. that's not a bad thing. along with their great hospitality, being laid back makes them fun and nice to hang out/party with. however, it also makes them less-than-ideal work partners. i think i've mentioned how all events ran consistently late when i was in uzbekistan for a competition, and how their organizational skills generally can be improved. if i had to draw a comparison, i'd say that the impression i get is like they're that one unreliable but really fun friend. i wouldn't count on him to do anything important, but i love having him around. the other thing that i noticed is that the article was written in a very boastful manner, like trying to sound grand. it probably stems from pride for their country and national sport, but to someone who grew up in this region of asia where we're taught to be modest and downplay things, it kind of grates against my soul. i'll chalk it up to cultural differences, i guess.

no news yet, JET-wise. i'm almost tempted to call in to ask them to just let me know already, be it yes or no. but knowing how the japanese do things, that probably won't be looked upon very favourably. sigh. give me patience. also, reminder to talk about alternative plans in more detail next post.

-random thought of the day: Increasingly worried.-

Would it be too much of an exaggeration if, despite it being only 2 working days into march, i said that the wait for JET results is killing me? because it sure feels like that. my heart skips a little when i see new mail after refreshing my inbox, but so far there's been nothing JET-related. going by the timeline for the interview, they should let me know in the first half of the month, or maybe even within the first week. so that's about 12 more days to go before i start to panic. in the event that doesn't materialize...i'm still undecided about whether to pursue the japan path or to suck it up and remain in singapore. perhaps it's time for me to start poking around for other doors, in case this one really gets slammed in my face. if it affects anything, my left eyelid has been twitching on and off for the past week or so. i believe that the saying goes "左吉右凶" (confirmed by google), so that's a good sign? one of the answers on baidu says "it just means your eyes are overworked". seems like i'm uncharacteristically superstitious, considering my scientific background and training. well, hope that that's a good sign for me.

-random thought of the day: Should drink more water.-