Everywhere i've been going in the past 2 days, i've encountered frustrating situations. you know, the kind that make you just want to scream and slap the person who's at fault. believe me, i would have if i could have.

there was japanese tutorial yesterday, with the lecturer. maybe it's just me, but i feel that the calibre of people taking japanese this semester has dropped. there was this really blur guy, and my moron teammate (more on that soon). i'm really really not used to the lecturer's style. he encourages chorus reciting, which i haven't done since japanese 1, if at all (my memory's a bit fuzzy there). i might come across as being intolerant/close-minded, but i seriously believe chorus reciting should be left at primary school...lower primary, to be exact. what makes it slightly worse is that he does it for lecture as well. but then, remember what i said about not liking a certain tutor that much at the start of japanese 2? by the end of the semester, that changed 180 degrees. hope that something similar happens this time round, because this lecturer may just kill my enthusiasm for japanese, along with my grade.

now, about my moron teammate. he's the one whom i didn't want in the team early on. but the lecturer opened his mouth, and didn't really leave us with a choice. you know, i'm about 85% certain that he sat next to my friend and i during the first lecture just so he could get into our group. and when i didn't include him, i'm also quite sure that he went to the lecturer to request specifically for our group. but i would have been ok with him if he had shown some sign of participation. aside from our first meeting, i didn't hear from him at all. not even to give feedback about what he thought about our various drafts, not for anything. when i met him during tutorial, he actually dared to tell me that he only checks his email once a day. now, i can accept that from almost anyone else, except him. why? because he's a computing student. if there was anyone i'd expect to check their email more often than once a day, it would be a computing student. i'll admit, one of the reasons we didn't hear much from him was because we used whatsapp (which he doesn't have), and i can't blame him for that. but what really pissed me off was this statement he made, "if i don't reply, it means i agree". hello...who the hell are you!? without even playing the senior/junior status card, telling people your opinion regarding a mutual decision is something you're obligated to do. no response doesn't mean "i agree". it means "i may not have read the damned email". at the end of the day, he's successfully free-ridden on our work, which i'm not really happy about.

i think i've become used to the holiday crowd in school. now that the semester's started, the number of people is just overwhelming. despite NUSSU's measures for express bus services, the crowd is still as bad! i suspect that it's because the introduce shuttle buses at the expense of the current A1 buses. or perhaps it's the increased train frequency. during peak hours in the mornings, the trains come once every 3 minutes or so. buses, however, take longer than that. not to mention that there are people taking A1 from PGP as well. so, the number of people at the bus stop remains fairly constant. and one more thing i've noticed is that some people take the bus for one stop, from kent ridge MRT to LT27 in science. if they come from PGP, i've got nothing to say, because it's quite far. but if any science students who take the bus for one stop from kent ridge, please do the community a favour, and walk through NUH. not only do you create more space for people on the bus, you aren't frustrated from waiting, and get to exercise a little, too! *for the record: i only take the bus at kent ridge when my first class of the day is at arts. i always walk if i'm going to lab.*

could be because of the increased crowd that people are behaving more inconsiderately. like jumping onto buses before all of the alighting people have got off, to name something i very much dislike. i may have mentioned this before, but i'm sure it doesn't take a university student to be able to tell that if everyone gets off first, there would be less fighting for space when more people are trying to get on. it's like packing a bag. if my bag wasn't big enough, why would i try to force the new items in before taking the old items out? the brainlessness is amazing, especially since they're university students.

also earlier at NTUC, i'd wanted to buy some stuff to cook for dinner. the display no longer had what i wanted. i saw the people behind the counter preparing more, so i waited for about 15 minutes. surprisingly, they took the newly-prepared stuff, and disappeared. so, there are 2 major issues with this. (1) even though it was 9:00+pm, are the staff not obligated to refill depleted stock? (2) if the stuff they prepared wasn't for immediate restocking, are they planning to keep it for sale the next day, when it won't be as fresh? sounds like the customers are getting ripped off, doesn't it? i was also kind of confused about the way they did things. i'm no specialist in supply chain management or stuff like that, but it makes more sense to me to restock when the stocks are running low, not when they're completely depleted. that way, you don't keep buyers waiting, and they're generally happier as a result. but well, i'm sure NTUC has its reasons...though i suspect one of these reasons is to annoy people.

not all of it's been bad, though. kata practice yesterday was pretty productive/enjoyable. we managed to more or less sort out the first and last chokes, last 2 armlocks, and show much more effort in struggling for the holds. another way to say it would be that we worked on the areas which the judge criticized during the competition, and got somewhat satisfactory results. of course, we don't know for sure whether the problems have been addressed satisfactorily or not (though they looked passable to us). my partner's going to japan (second time in 2 months! i'm ridiculously jealous) to seek enlightenment about the finer points of the kata. hope that we'll gain more insights, and improve our odds for the competition.

last night was another reminder that i should get a haircut. it's odd...up till last year, i was dead set against cutting my hair. my bargain with myself was "not until i have to interview for a job". but now that i'm potentially representing the country, the idea seems reasonable. another path of reasoning is that if my female friend can shave her head, just getting a haircut can't be too hard. of course, having wild hair while doing kata feels uncomfortable too...and it looks bad. i was actually thinking of donating my hair, but it seems that hair for hope only does complete shaves. would anyone be interested in about 10cm of slightly wavy, black/dark brownish hair? it's washed regularly, but rather prone to tangles. if you're interested, email or facebook me i guess.

time isn't on my side today. have to sleep soon, since i have a conversation tutorial tomorrow. future blogging prompt: population increase, grad studies, japan, JET. also, i have something to look forward to tomorrow. there's a chem kids dinner at holland village! i seriously haven't seen some of them since last semester's exams ended. will be nice to catch up.

-random thought of the day: Bishan MRT now links to J8's basement!-

Correction to my previous post: both reactions failed. i'm becoming more than mildly worried. though i know that my professor has contingency plans, and in the worst case, i can present negative results, it just doesn't feel nice to keep encountering failure, you know? worse is that if the reactions were actually supposed to succeed, and my poor skills messed them up. well...at least there's more things to talk about this saturday at group meeting.

japanese tutorial today was normal, i guess...though it feels odd to have dictation in vocabulary quizzes again. and there's apparently no kanji too. will take some getting used to. as for the project, it's as though we never accepted the fourth guy. the 3 of us are doing all the planning, and including him in emails is kind of like a formality. ok, i'll be fair and say that he did give a suggestion, which we're adding to our current plan. but other than that, he hasn't contributed at all. not in writing the advertisement, or designing the poster. well...i'll be seeing him at tutorial on wednesday. let's see if he approaches me to get an update.

-random thought of the day: Tomorrow has great potential to be productive.-

I've been having a lot of problems with my internet over the last week or so. it keeps telling me that the DNS lookup failed. actually, what makes it so bad is the frequency. it's on for about 5 minutes or so, and goes down for about an equivalent amount of time. it then comes back up after that, only to die again shortly after. now, i may not be a computer whiz, but i'm pretty sure that a DNS server is not something i can find in my computer...meaning that it's a problem which is out of my control. i'm planning to call singnet tomorrow to make a little (or a lot of) noise. coincidentally, my cousin just blogged about annoying helpdesk experiences. i'm hoping that i'll have an easier time than her and her husband. in the event of bad service, worst case is i do what another cousin did, which was to shame them on facebook. that actually accelerated the resolution of the issue. but, that's an absolute last resort.

thankfully, that sick feeling on thursday went away after a night's sleep. i think it was caused by my digestive system acting up. i've not been eating regularly enough, which is an unfortunate consequence of spending too much time in lab. well, have to stick more closely to my new year's resolution.

at least the time spent in lab has been worth it...i think. after some failures with the diketone-type substrates, i've moved back to dimalonates. managed to synthesize one other substrate, and if nothing goes wrong, one new imine is being synthesized as i'm writing this. hopefully things go smoothly, and i have more positive examples to showcase by poster presentation.

we had the kata competition just now, where my partner and i got first place for our category. but since nobody else competed, saying we're the best in singapore is like saying we're the most important electron in a hydrogen atom (to borrow a quote from the big bang theory). this placing is more of a morale booster/exposure to kata competition than a real victory for me. the general consensus between my partner and i is that we did decently (ie. we received less criticism than we expected), but there's still a lot of room for improvement. well, we've got a month-odd for more fine-tuning before the asian championships. and my partner's going to japan to learn finer points of the kata, so i think we're in a pretty decent place. looks like i'm also going to have to get a haircut soon. maybe in time for poster presentation.

before the competition, i was informed about a few changes, namely 10-6-4 became 8-6-4 due to space limitations, and something about belt-tying which i will talk about very soon. for the adjustment in distance, as i've been taught since secondary school, "expect the unexpected". luckily, it was just a minor change. i would have thrown a fit if it had been something major...like if our sequence was wrong or something equally bad. about belt-tying...imagine that for one day, you have to carry your bag on the other shoulder (for people using sling bags), or you had to drive on the opposite side of the road. the point is that suddenly doing the mirror-image of whatever you've become accustomed to is not easy, or at least not immediately comfortable/instinctive. since i started judo, i've always tied my belt left-over-right, then right-over-left. according to the korean guest judge in his seminar yesterday, the "correct" way of tying the belt for kata is actually the opposite, so that the knot faces the other direction. i've been so used to tying my belt my normal way, i can practically do it with my eyes closed and still get a perfect knot and even ends. in contrast, i had about as much difficulty as a beginner at the first training session when i had to switch sides! my belt wasn't used to it too, i think, because i just could not even out the ends. i believe that it was because all the usual fold lines weren't used, and new fold lines hadn't been created. well...no disrespect to the judge, but for normal training and kata practice, i'll still be tying it my way. it just feels more comfortable.

that actually leads to my next point. i noticed that aside from techniques, the judge focused a lot on tiny little details...like the number of steps to take, the exact distance between partners, and of course, the way the belts are tied. maybe my level is still too low, and my understanding is not deep enough, but i think that's going a bit too far. as my friend said earlier, kata should be done to demonstrate the techniques, and not to worry about these kind of small little things. i mean, i think the judges have better things to look out for than whether you took exactly 8 steps of equal width to get from point A to point B, right? of course, the judges may JUST be insanely bored enough to count and/or measure your steps; i don't know. after all, japanese are known to be VERY precise, and furthermore, i'm nowhere near qualified enough to be a kata judge. whatever the case, i believe that kata should be natural. as long as you are in sync with your partner, it can't look TOO bad.

week 3 starts tomorrow, and that means even less time for lab due to tutorials. i'll get by, i think. my work is kind of laid out for me, so at least there's a plan of action. the goal is 3 successful reactions per week, be they substrate preparation or actual reactions. i'm grateful that my timetable issues have been ironed out. tuesdays and fridays are pretty empty, so those will most likely be my days for long syntheses. another reason i kept fridays empty was actually so that if the need arose, i could go back to CJC to hep out with training. coincidentally, a revision was made to their training schedule such the friday training is moved back to saturday, and the time overlaps with group meeting. uncanny timing. i think it's a sign for me to focus on school/lab. of course, there's no harm in missing the occasional group meeting, but we'll see if there's a real need for that closer to national schools.

it's getting late, so that's all i'll say for now. just to remind myself, arrows in the immediate/near future include asymmetric project, presenting at group meeting next saturday, japanese project, more kata training, competition, NCAP qualification (and associated schedule issues), national schools refereeing (and yet more schedule issues)...i think that about covers it. right now, i think i could use some sleep, especially since the usual small japanese quizzes are starting with tomorrow's tutorial.

-random thought of the day: Work steadily towards the goal.-

Shortly after japanese lecture earlier today, i started to feel...weird. the bad kind of weird. it's similar to how i feel before coming down with gastric flu, but to a much lesser degree this time. current symptoms include fatigue/lethargy, barely noticeable headache/nausea, and an odd feeling in the digestive system. come to think of it, it might be dehydration. i know i haven't been drinking as much water as usual over the last few days. whatever it is, i hope it's nothing serious. better still if it's nothing at all. though with my track record of falling sick in january, i wouldn't place any bets.

also seems like i'm having trouble getting geared up for the semester. week 2 is almost ending, and yet, i find myself feeling no more motivated than i was in december. not good. something has to change soon. on the bright side, modules' content look reasonable. still doing some pretty easy stuff, though the reactions from year 1 and 2 organic chem are coming back to bite me in asymmetric. but i think i'll survive. right now, i hope i can sleep off whatever's making me feel below-average.

-random thought of the day: Tired, more mentally than physically.-

Funny how i was talking about the weather and negative emotions just yesterday. i'm still sure that it's not due to the rain, but today, for the first time that i can remember since secondary school, i completely lost my temper and acted irrationally. not to the point of physical violence or anything that drastic, but getting involved in a shouting match. normally, i can resist such impulses very well, and the only time i yell is when meeting idiot drivers (not serious yelling though...just cursing to relieve stress), or more seriously, when safety is being compromised in the dojo or in the lab when i'm doing TA. but it's a different kind of voice, you know? for the aforementioned "usual" scenarios, it's like i raise my voice to emphasize the point (or let off steam, in the driving case). that's in contrast to just now, when i was running on pure emotion. somehow, i could hear the difference in my voice. it sounded...rougher, i'd say.

now that i'm calmer, i've been trying to analyze my own behaviour, asking myself what triggered that response, and why i chose that particular response. to be honest, i don't know, and i don't think it was a choice. somehow, i just stood up, turned around, and started shouting. i've faced similar stimuli in the past, and have always managed to shut up and just ignore it. could be because i was tired after a day of refereeing...though i doubt that that's the main reason. my best guess now is that it's because there are too many things going on in my head...which means yesterday's post didn't help as much as i thought it did. and you know the saying about certain vegetation and camel anatomy, right? (for those trying to figure it out, i mean that this incident was the straw that broke the camel's back.)

if you ask me whether i feel bad about it now, the answer is actually "kind of, but not really". i feel bad because given alternatives, i'd rather not make people feel genuinely negative. however, whatever i said while angry was 100% true. no exaggeration, no lies. no profanity either, which i think is a sign of (some tiny bit of) restraint despite the anger. but i do kind of regret not having better self-control. if i could re-choose, i'd probably try to get up and move out of range, totally avoiding the conflict.

man, that incident gave me a (literal) headache. and bear in mind that i'm not normally susceptible to headaches. in fact, i can use one hand to count the total number of non-flu-related headaches i've suffered. must be the after-effect of the adrenaline rush. but before i go have an early night, i just want to blog about the refereeing experience and maybe some other things.

refereeing at the IVP (or ITC, same difference) is pretty relaxed. then again, almost all other events are relaxed as compared to national schools. NUS did pretty well, got gold and silver for teams, and a few individual medals too, i think. i know i didn't perform at my best today...had a few blur moments and ended up confused. nevertheless, it was passable. as long as i haven't done any injustice to any of the players, i consider it mission accomplished. some of the newer referees were ok, if a bit shaky. but they'll learn quickly enough.

there's truth to the statement that you emulate people you respect. like during the team event today, i was the first to referee, and therefore had to make a decision in the order of the remaining referees in my team. my team comprised of another fully-accredited B referee (but newer than me), and a completely new provisional referee (taking the referee exam today). there were 5 bouts, so the first, second, and third referees would take 2, 2, and 1 bout(s) respectively. the newer B referee was worried that if he went third, he might have to decide the winner in the event of a 2-2 tie. so, he asked me to put him second. but i had to look after the provisional referee too, who was making his refereeing debut at this event. so, how does this tie in with emulating people? i did what my coach would (probably have) do(ne), and threw the B referee into the proverbial deep end, putting him as third. as fate/luck would have it, the first 4 bouts DID end up in a 2-2 tie, so he was under (mostly self-given) pressure. but he came through in the end, and did a good job of refereeing the last match. it may have seemed mean at that time, but i'm sure he benefited from the experience. and i didn't put the provisional referee as third not because i don't trust his skill, but because i didn't want to pressure him too much. first day on the job for him, after all.

while on the topic of people emulating people they respect, i am actually quite worried. it's no secret that i'm not entirely happy with coaches who heckle the referees. unfortunately, some of the coaches' students are picking up the habit. while i understand their frustration if a bad refereeing decision is made, they have other forms of redress, rather than yelling about it. not only that, the students are also picking up certain traits which i consider to be undesirable, like being a little too indiscreet when expressing their feelings, or being unnecessarily harsh towards their juniors. why am i worried? because it's very likely that these people will be future judo coaches. of course, i have to admit that each teaching style has its proponents and opponents, so i'm sure there will always be people willing to learn under them. not going to argue about effectiveness here, but one thing is more or less guaranteed - the bad traits will continue to get passed down! that's not good for the future of judo.

it's going to be VERY difficult for me to not sound elitist in this next part, but please try to read with an open mind. more often than not, i find that people who tend to express their feelings in a loud, rude manner are not as highly educated. of course, there are anomalies, like me blowing my top today. not that i'm very highly educated anyway. bear with me for a while more, please. i guess the higher you go academically, the more you become aware that this kind of behaviour is socially not-really acceptable. and like i said before, these people are potentially future coaches, and future kids will look up to them...and probably learn all those habits. i think i've said this (or similar) in a previous post...and i still stand by it. judo is actually becoming more thuggish, and i don't see it normally because the people i train with are (mostly) nice. unfortunately, i don't have a good way to solve the problem, short of implementing a system that, upon the receipt of sufficient complaints, the federation would strip the person concerned of his belt rank, and bar him/her from judo. believe me, i have a higher chance of jumping to first-class honours than that policy has of being implemented. i guess what i can do, in my capacity as a senior and maybe future coach, is try to influence as many juniors/kids as possible to not be like that.

my headache's still present, which is not good. should try to sleep it off...though i have the sick feeling that i won't get much sleep tonight. or i might, since i'm tired from refereeing. hopefully tonight's mental baggage dump was more successful. as a reminder, i still want to talk about something related to the last point, which is how language can affect the impact of your message.

-random thought of the day: No "undo" buttons in life.-

Does the weather really have the power to affect one's mood? one of my lab seniors wasn't his usual cheery self today, and he attributed it to the rain. personally, i don't think i'm too affected by weather changes. though i was feeling a little off today, it probably wasn't due to the rain.

i guess a good place to start would be to describe how i feel. the most appropriate expression would be "weighed down". there seems to be a lot of things going on, and not all of them are going as i'd like them to. foremost on my mind is judo, which is further split into a few sub-topics. let's start with CJC/SJI. seems like there'll soon be a change of coaches. the timing is kind of inconvenient, as nationals are in april or so. but if you see things from my side, the timing kind of works, since i should be able to get certification for NCAP practical level 1 in february. so, if it really comes down to it, i'm covered if i have to help to coach the kids before the competition (though i'll most likely be involved in refereeing during the competition, assuming there's no clash with honours events or stuff like that). and worse still, dramatic scenarios have been playing in my mind, like "what if there's no coach, and the club faces closure?" it sounds crazy, but i think that if such a drastic thing happens, i might coach them part-time during phd studies...in spite of how unhappy my professor may be. still, that's still some way into the future, and may not happen, so i think i shouldn't think so much, right?

next judo-related thing - kata. my partner and i had practice last night, and we videoed ourselves for easier review. the camera doesn't (well, can't) lie, after all. my goodness...i previously thought that we were about 75% there already. watching the video replay just about halved that number! some things which i thought looked passable actually looked horrible, and what i thought felt weird was totally ugh. worse still, all the small mistakes showed up SO CLEARLY! things like not keeping my fingers together, the awkward way i unconsciously bend my knee, and other things which i don't even think about while doing them! so annoying. at least we know where to improve. that aside, our next biggest issue is timing. we're about a minute too fast overall. slowing down shouldn't be a problem, since we know where to work on. all in all, we seem to be in pretty good shape for the competition. and speaking of the competition, i have a mildly embarrassing confession. it seems that my partner and i are the only pair registered for our kata. that means we're guaranteed the gold medal. while getting the gold medal sounds nice, it loses meaning once the whole story is known. at least that'll mean we can compete in the regional competition, where i just hope that we don't get last place. not winning is fine, but please - no last place...especially since it'll be held in singapore.

one more thought linked to judo, and i'll move on to the next topic. hearing the judo elders talk was kind of entertaining yesterday. but it also got me thinking - what can i do for the federation? i know that they need volunteers, but i'm finding it difficult to commit the time now. i guess i could spend a month of summer break volunteering. or maybe go to the current referee director's extent, and do it for about 7 months(!). see how things go.

also, i'm quite saddened by the still-ongoing politics in the federation. shan't say too much about it, but my opinion of some people has changed. i just wish people could be open with each other, regardless of whether they like each other or not.

sadly, that's kind of hypocritical of me, since i'm facing a similar situation in japanese class. we're supposed to do group work, and i've already teamed up with 2 friends whom i've known since japanese 1. then, another person wanted to join our group (the recommended number is 4). i didn't add his name in, and somehow, it seems that the lecturer got wind of it. so, he sent us an email asking (well, really telling) us to work with the guy. but i have an issue with it, because i took the same japanese 3 tutorial as him, and based on what i've seen about his standard, i don't fancy working with him. i'm mildly irritated by this, actually. worse is that my hands are kind of tied since the lecturer already stepped in. i'll sit on it for over the weekend at least, while waiting for one other group member to respond.

there's some other lab stuff i want to talk about, but it's getting late, and i have to be up early tomorrow for refereeing. plus, since it rained for most of the day, the weather is perfect for sleeping. as a reminder to myself, it has to do with phd studies. more will come in the next post.

-random thought of the day: Should review the rules before sleeping.-

Very short update today, just want to blog about one major thing. TKGS girl's parents kind of dropped a bomb on me by telling me that they found an ex-MOE teacher to tutor her instead. that was something i wasn't expecting, because they asked me to continue as recently as last week (which i pushed back due to progress report presentation). not only that, they're my friend's relatives, so i would have thought that that connection counted for something. apparently not.

but honestly, i don't think i'm too affected by it. my first reaction (other than the surprise) was actually a mixture of mild annoyance and relief. the former came from losing my income, while the latter comes from not having to burn saturday afternoons for tuition, worry about the kid's grades, or stuff like that. add on the fact that it's honours year, and i guess that it's for the better, after all.

having said that, i'm wondering if i should find new tuition kids. instinct tells me no, that i should capitalize on this break. unfortunately, my sense of practicality disagrees, because while i can live on my savings, my projection is that my bank balance will drop by one digit by the end of the year. even if i do look for other tuition kids, i think i'll only take 1, or 2 maximum...at least until after summer. i'll probably take more once i start phd studies...provided that i can find more kids, that is.

also had a brief look at the japanese class list. there are many familiar names who have been there since japanese 1, as well as a few other people who are (un)fortunately missing. the reason i say fortunately is because the people i'm referring to are the ones who are not-so inclined to japanese. with them out of the picture, tutorials should be more smooth-sailing...and the bell curve should also be more steep. that's where the "un" comes in. i'm actually quite surprised that some people didn't continue with japanese 4. after a quick look through the textbook, i can appreciate why some people say japanese 4 is easier than japanese 3. keigo (honourific/humble speech) aside, there's only one new verb form! reminds me more of japanese 1 than anything. but then again, let's not forget that for each new verb i learn, i have to convert them between the 10(!) forms that i already know. not impossible, but challenging.

seems like my dad is flying off to somewhere in china early tomorrow morning, and will be gone until at least the weekend. this probably leaves me with the car. actually, it DOES leave me with the car, considering nobody else in the house has a driving license. of course, he could have agreed to lend the car to one of his friends...but i doubt that. i'd thought that his flight was tomorrow night or friday, which is why i renewed my concession starting tomorrow. had i known i would have the car tomorrow, i'd have started my concession next monday. well, it's 4 days of concession that i won't use. guess i have to make up for it by taking the train more for the rest of the month after that.

just this evening, i was helping my mentor install some stuff on his new laptop. after that experience, i'm quite grateful that i didn't buy my laptop from NUS after all. details will (probably) come in the next post. i realize that my one major thing underwent binary fission and became 2 major things already. have to sleep early too, must go to school early tomorrow to prepare an NMR sample.

-random thought of the day: Good thing I did TA!-

*brief update from my phone, 7:58am the next day.*

Renewing my concession yesterday was clearly bad timing. Turns out my dad is scheduled to return next Tuesday, which means I have the car for 5 days. That in turn means that 1/6 of my concession is wasted. Sian. Does anyone want to borrow my ez-link card? I'm willing to lend it out until next Monday. You can have 4 free train rides per day! Well, I guess I'll just have to tap my card even more often than planned to make up for this.

Understanding someone else's perspective is important. that's why when i have an argument with someone, i try to see things from their point of view as well. sometimes, your argument appears rock-solid to you, only because you don't know some conditions or limitations that your opponent does know. that was the case when i went to see the associate dean (my bad for saying vice dean in the last post) earlier today. he told me that arts has to approve me missing their lecture before science can grant me the waiver. even until now, i am 30% convinced that it's a smoke bomb. the other alternative was to ask the organic synthesis lecturer and all students to agree to change the time or day...but i didn't want to inconvenience anyone. it's a good thing i went to talk to him in person, too. things like tone, body language and other non-verbal cues don't come through in email communication. only by actually seeing his reaction was i able to tell that he wasn't quite happy with arts.

after several more emails, i found out that arts didn't want to grant me a waiver. so, i decided not to fight it any more, and just take bioinorganic. after all, a similar situation worked out last semester. i suppose that my decision was also influenced by attending all 3 modules' lectures today. asymmetric was nice and easy, probably because it's the first lecture. my professor teaches quite well, i think. not only is he entertaining, he has the knack for explaining things with simple analogies. as for bioinorganic, the lecturer is almost exactly how i remember him from year 1...knowledgeable, and partial to making odd jokes. the content is ok so far, though the huge structures are kind of intimidating.

could be a psychological thing (as mentioned in the last post), but i'm actually kind of happy that i'm taking bioinorganic, and not organic synthesis. for one, organic has one project/presentation and a mid-term test, while bioinorganic has 2 tests. with the asymmetric project, japanese group work, and honours thesis/poster presentation, i think one less project is welcome news. also, the organic synthesis lecturer kind of unintentionally intimidated the class by going through several challenging disconnections. our last organic synthesis module was year 3 sem 1, so it's been about a year since we last did retrosynthesis. thankfully, i'm sitting in for lectures as a guest, so i get to laugh at the people actually taking the module when the content gets tougher,

i suppose you know that i had my honours presentation today. believe me, with something that important, i was a dartboard illuminated with neon signs for uncle murphy. actually, i would have been surprised if something DIDN'T go wrong today. thankfully, i woke up on time, and quickly hopped into the shower. that woke me up pretty well. the problem came when i wore my old black shoes. actually, that's not the main problem. the main problem was that i ignored my instinct to bring my regular brown shoes to school as well. things went ok until kent ridge MRT, where i felt the right shoe give way. the heel part of the sole just detached! probably because it was the first time in...6 months(?) that i wore them. there was a lot of powdery black residue, so i guess that the foam padding disintegrated or something like that. another couple of hundred metres, and the left shoe went as well.

luckily, people don't really look at each other's feet, so i was able to walk/limp to the exam venue with no incident. i even gave my presentation with my shoes all messed up! the idea i had was to borrow black tape from whoever had it, and secure the flopping heel pieces...but despite my best efforts, walking messed the tape up. so, i asked my dad to drop off my regular shoes on his way to work, and thankfully, that came through. the first thing i noticed when i changed to my regular shoes was that the old shoes were so tight! either my feet grew since the last time i wore them, or they shrunk. really don't remember them making my feet hurt so much. but well, they're gone...which means i might be in need of a new pair of black shoes, though it's not urgent. my current ones seem to be ok for all occasions.

the presentation itself went fairly well, nice examiners and all. bad thing was i got caught by a few of their questions...but overall, i think i'll be ok. to my extreme delight, i found out that this was the last powerpoint presentation i'll have to do for honours! all we have left is poster presentation and thesis submission, so no more getting grilled by examiners...not to this extent, at least.

so, what now? back to the lab, of course. though i'm finding it a little difficult to get back into the groove of doing lab work. have to push myself over the inertia barrier starting tomorrow. my schedule looks pretty good actually. classes are on monday and thurday afternoons, which means i can use the mornings to do NMR or set up long reactions. apart from japanese tutorials on tuesday and friday mornings, the rest of those days is free for more time-consuming lab work, like columns. chem tutorials are set for wednesday, and i think i'll put one japanese tutorial there as well. still have to do a bit of schedule tai-chi i think.

bearing one of my new year's resolutions in mind, i should try and sleep early in order to wake up early tomorrow. next major upcoming event is refereeing for IVP this coming sunday, and kata competition the week after that. looking forward to it.

-random thought of the day: Call NP and ask about parking.-

Rules/laws are usually in place for a reason, which means that they should be enforced. but it's bad when rules are obeyed blindly, since there may be cases where extraordinary circumstances can (or maybe should) allow rules to be bent. i'm of course talking about my module issue. despite the reasons i've given, all the dean's office can say is "it's not the policy to allow clashes in schedule"...which i find akin to a parent saying "you can't do something perfectly harmless because i said so" to their child. i've already made an appointment to speak to the vice-dean about it tomorrow. if that fails, my last resort is to speak to the registrar directly. normally, i'm not crazy enough to pursue things to this extent, but this time, i believe that i have a strong case, and there is no real good reason for them to say no to such a simple request.

that aside, i've got progress report tomorrow. at 8:30am, no less. i don't really mind being first in the cohort, but the timing is really killing me. means i have to wake up at about 6:00am, 6:15am latest. get to school by 7:30am, maybe have a light bite if i feel up to it, and be ready at the venue by 8:10am. what a way to start my last undergrad semester. should probably try to sleep before midnight later. as for the slides, i've been looking through them since afternoon, trying to see if i've missed anything out or not corrected any mistakes. i SEEM to have caught everything already, but i think a few more go-throughs wouldn't hurt.

kata practice this past tuesday coincided with SJC's training. based on what i observed, i kind of like their training...comfortable pace, relaxed atmosphere, and friendly coaches. one of the black belts who knows me from last year's grading invited me to train with their club sometimes, and maybe even teach a little. while this is a very good opportunity, and in line with my goal of wanting to go further with judo coaching, i still feel quite awkward just butting into the club suddenly. and it's not like i'm some world-renowned master, either, so i expect some resistance. not to mention that it's honours year. since his offer doesn't have an expiry date, maybe i'll go down a bit more over the summer, and gradually introduce myself to the coaches and members.

yesterday was a nice change from routine. went to turf city in the evening for a korean steamboat buffet dinner to celebrate my friend's birthday in advance. the last time i'd been to turf city was around august last year, where i went straight to the saturday morning gathering venue. i was quite stunned at how much the rest of the compound changed. aside from giant, the seafood restaurants, and curry gardenn (not a typo), i think none of the previous tenants stayed. the dinner was ok...a little bit lacking in variety, and at about $34 per person, i thought that it was a little overpriced. at least they had free soup and drink refills. we then headed to this ice cream (or gelato?) place for dessert. they had friendly staff, and many interesting flavours, such as nutella cheesecake, lychee martini, and marsala wine. i went for salted butter caramel and my usual mint chip. they were good individually, but mixing them didn't really do anything to enhance each flavour. now, i am SO tempted to go down there every saturday after group meeting, just to try all the flavours...and if i'm crazy enough, every combination of flavours.

for now, i think i'll just look through my powerpoint a few more times, and see if i can catch any more errors. other than that, i think i'm sufficiently prepared for the first day of school.

-random thought of the day: What's with the administration!?-

Mindset/mentality is really really important, and affects how you perceive situations. but before i raise an example to highlight that, i'll briefly rant about the NUS system.

from previous posts, you might know the situation. in case you don't, here's the condensed version of the story so far: japanese clashes with organic synthesis. japanese lecturer made arrangements for webcast lectures, alternative assignments, and even a make-up mid-term(!). since that's taken care of, taking organic synthesis shouldn't be a problem, right? for some odd reason, the science dean's office still doesn't allow me to take the module! there was no explanation, either. just an email which said that the appeal has not been accepted.

now, this annoys me for a couple of reasons. first, you'd think the science faculty would be more supportive of its own students! i find it sad that arts is more willing to help an "outsider" student than science is willing to help one of their own. the other thing is that no reason was given...just "no". i even had to submit a declaration that absolves the faculty of blame in the event of poor results, but even that didn't work. i don't know why i'm lucky enough to get a serious module clash in my last semester. i have no choice but to try again tomorrow, and hope that me personally speaking to whoever's in charge (if need be) can help things a little.

worst case is i end up taking bioinorganic. here's the bit about mentality. when it seemed that i didn't have a choice, i was resigned to taking bioinorganic. so, i tried to see it in a positive light. but now that the possibility of taking organic synthesis has opened up again, and after i read the first set of notes that the lecturer uploaded, i would rather try my best to get into organic synthesis, and not touch bioinorganic at all. amazing how a simple change can cause such a drastic shift in attitude.

actually, that might not be the worst thing after all. the worst is probably having to explain to the japanese lecturer that he basically did all that extra stuff for nothing...which in turn, means that similar requests from science students in the future will not be entertained any more. with that in mind, i really hope that something can be done.

for something more positive, kata practice seems to be going well. my friend and i have the forms more or less down. now it's just some timing, placement, and coordination issues. luckily, those can be ironed out relatively easily...i think. the competition's coming up in about 2 weeks. looks like we'll make it, provided he doesn't forget the sequence. i must admit, it's hard on him. some kata place heavier emphasis on the uke (receiver) role. katame no kata, on the other hand, places more emphasis on the tori (attacker) role. it's like he does around 70% of the work. my job is to lie down, struggle for holds, get choked, and initiate some movements for him to respond to. i really think that i have it easy here.

anyway, biggest arrow for me now is progress report (next monday!) have to test my laptop against the provided projector, settle my modules, and maybe do a bit of lab work, depending on how things go. if i'm lucky, i may even make it for CJC's open house...though it seems ridiculously unlikely.

-random thought of the day: School starts next week. No difference.-

There are times when i think i'm too smart for my own good...especially when my smartness (re-)complicates some matters. remember how i had some scheduling conflicts? in the end, i decided to just take bioinorganic and asymmetric for my cores, giving up organic synthesis. but before i made this decision, i emailed the japanese 4 lecturer to tell him about the problem and see if anything could be done. turns out that there was an alternative, after all. he was nice enough to speak to the head of the japanese language programme, and arrange for webcast lectures, as well as make-ups for the lecture quizzes and mid-term.

this development means that i can take organic synthesis after all, which creates a new problem. out of the 3 cores that i'm eligible for, which 2 should i take? actually, i'm debating between bioinorganic and organic synthesis. as usual, there are pros and cons to each. bioinorganic is taught by a good lecturer, but has the dreaded word "bio" in it. whereas organic synthesis is something which (i think) i'm stronger in, but the problem is that each of the organic modules currently have like 10 people enrolled. that means stiffer competition, and the possibility of not scoring as well as expected. right now, my plan is to take all 3 cores first, then drop one before the F grade kicks in...provided i can get organic synthesis in the first place. have to talk to the nice office people soon, because i don't think CORS allows me to bid for clashing modules.

yesterday, i had a progress report rehearsal with my professor. could be because i didn't prepare much, but the presentation was jerky. i didn't say some things which i should have, and said some things which i shouldn't have. needs a lot of polishing, i think. have to do some more slide editing and practise a few more times by this week.

-random thought of the day: So humid today.-

Only 6 days into the new year, and i've almost had a minor meltdown. that's not a good sign, considering how early it is, and more importantly, that i'm normally not susceptible to such things. i suppose the main reason is stressing about honours. my progress report is in about a week's time, and my professor asked me to revise the slides which i'd shown him previously. while compiling the slides, i realized that i've done what i think is 80% of the possible reactions already. though i'm sure that my professor has some other ideas, the problem is i just can't imagine what these ideas could be. then again, he's the one with a phd, so i probably should trust him.

another source of stress is kata. since we didn't train that much in december (mostly my fault), we're having to play catch-up. we went through the whole kata today, and i feel that after a rough start, we became better. problem is, we're not nearly good enough. there are still some noticeable errors, like in timing/synchronization, spacing and alignment. technique-wise...we have the basic forms more or less down, so now the next challenge is ironing out all the small mistakes, and making it look realistic. i know that my friend didn't intend to add to my pressure, but he kind of did by reminding me that the local competition is about 2 weeks away. if we do decently enough, we can represent singapore for the regional competition in march or so. but that's looking a little too far ahead. right now, we're trying to train twice a week to make up for lost time. with any luck (and loads of hard work), we'll be ready for the local competition.

having above-average timing is something i pride myself on (for?). still, i admit defeat to one of the judo juniors, who sent me one of those messages which makes your insides turn to nice, warm jelly. better part was that she sent it last night, just when i was feeling horrible. best part is that it was entirely spontaneous...i think. she may have been thinking of sending it for some time, but i'm extremely grateful she sent it when she sent it. receiving it at any other time would have been nice as well, but seeing it in my mental state at that time made it extra-nice. if that message is anything to go by, it looks like i'm on track to becoming a good mentor-figure, like those which i've been fortunate enough to have in my own life.

speaking of judo juniors, i went to crash the SJI/CJC farewell on friday. well, not really crash. i had to return a couple of books to one of the kids. was nice seeing the kids again. hard to believe that i saw this year's sec 4s as sec 1s back in 2010! amazing how kids grow up when you're not really paying attention. i also had an enjoyable conversation with the high-potential SJI kid i mentioned about a month back. it's quite scary, actually. he'll be 14 this year, but his mental age is about 18. best thing is that he's japanese, so i've got a conversation partner handy...though his level is still above mine, and he knows colloquialisms. i do like talking to him, but the impression i get is that he's not simple. guess it's part of him being japanese. the culture kind of emphasizes correctness in all situations. i still really wish i could help with his training! but maybe i should worry about myself before worrying about others.

don't know why, but i feel less stressed now. might be the effects of blogging, or sending my presentation to my professor. i'm hoping this lasts for a long while, because i know that my stress levels will go up once i step back into school tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Things will work out.-

New year wasn't much of an event this time round. in fact, i feel that there's barely any difference from yesterday. but no matter how i feel, the fact is that time passes as normal. as is customary for my first post of the year, i'll set my new year's resolutions. however, this time, i think i'll change things up a bit. normally, i only list the resolutions. this time round, i think i'll talk a bit more about each one. so, apologies in advance if the post becomes longer than you'd like.

[school]
maintain a second-upper CAP
not too hard, since there's only one more semester. still, who knows what may go wrong? i figure that as long as my honours project gets B+ and above, this shouldn't be much of a problem.

go to school earlier
this resolution has 2 purposes, actually. i think the more obvious one is so that i can get more lab work done in a day. the second, perhaps less-obvious one is to help reduce my procrastination, since i have the unfortunate tendency to snooze my alarm a lot. taking travelling time and human traffic into account, i think reaching lab by 10:30am every day is reasonable (unless i have an earlier class, or some other activity which i'll talk about soon).

focus for research
by "focus", i actually mean two things. (1) do my experiments more seriously, and have fewer failed reactions due to human error. (2) make more sense out of my experimental data, and rely less on having my mentor explain stuff. as a side-note, i'm also resolving to not be frustrated by research. failed reactions are part of the whole experience, after all. i should just take it in stride and try again. though i must admit it's hard sometimes, particularly if you're running out of reagents...or pressed for time.

[lifestyle/physical health]
cook more often

i figure that the food i cook can't be unhealthier than what i can buy. plus, whatever i cook will definitely be more suited to my tastes. of course, there are inherent difficulties with this resolution (reaching home late after lab being the foremost one). for now...i think once or twice a week is reasonable. i'll determine the exact frequency after semester starts.

eat better
with my lab hours, i've skipped meals to the point where i think i can count the number of meals i've had in school more accurately than the number of meals i've missed. so, i think i should have meals (or at least some food) at regular times. the new subway in science will probably help to fulfil this resolution too. maybe i should consider bringing lunch to school? or having breakfast, which is not a strong habit.

exercise!
of all my resolutions, this is perhaps the hardest to keep. part of it has to do with me having little (or no) motivation to exercise, while the other is due to my hours in lab. i really don't know how this will work out, so i think we'll see how things go when semester starts. for now, a tentative twice per week of some exercise (judo, jogging, static physical training) seems feasible.

take better care of myself
though the above points are also kind of a part of this, what i'm aiming for here is to listen more to my body...particularly for warning signs like hunger, fatigue, stress, or anything that indicates that i'm not feeling as well as i should be. also, this means less abuse, like excessive drinking, or going too far beyond my physical/mental limits.

[mental health]
can see open
while that doesn't make sense in english, it quite literally translates to "看得开" in chinese. google translate gave the english meaning as "take it easy", but i think that's not the best translation. i interpret it as being able to let go of things that don't go your way. this covers quite a broad range of things, actually. more importantly, it also means that i shouldn't stay unhappy about things out of my control. therefore, i resolve to go to bed each night feeling positive.

don't sweat the small stuff
yes, i stole a book title. but it does get the message across quite well. i find that it's all the tiny, annoying things that make up the bulk of my not-positive experiences. inconsiderate people being a major example. i suppose what i have to do is to make it so that their actions don't affect me that much, for instance, leaving home earlier will mean that i'm not rushing to get to wherever i'm going, which means i won't be staring daggers at the person who holds up traffic by standing on the right-hand side of the escalator. on that note, perhaps i should start noticing the positive small stuff instead.

clear mental baggage regularly
i have blogging for this one, so i think i'm pretty safe. however, given blogging's public nature, there are things that i won't blog about. thankfully, i've found people (juniors, of all unlikely sources) with whom to talk about some of these things.

[personal]
challenge myself
i guess part of the reason 2012 was such a monotone year was because i was too cooped up in lab to stimulate my sense of adventure. of course, i'm not talking about bungee jumping off a cliff (yet), but i think i could use more excitement in my life. though i'm not sure what i can do yet...

be content
every time i think about wanting something that i don't need, i should remind myself that all over the world, there are people my age whose circumstances are worse than mine. so it shouldn't really matter if i don't get a car, or don't have the latest gadget.

believe in myself
sounds brainless, but there are times where i question the wisdom of my decisions, or why i do certain things. here's where i have to remember that i am solely responsible for the outcome of my actions. and regardless of the outcome, there are learning points to be taken away. besides, my instinct has been good most of the time, so i'm hoping that it continues to serve me well well into the future.

have functional japanese
this one's a bit hard too, mainly because of the limited opportunity we have to speak japanese in singapore. i'm actually more worried about losing my japanese before i can put it to good use in japan. hopefully my professor allows me to take japanese 5 and 6 in my first year of postgrad studies. even then, it's another 3 years before i graduate. so, external japanese class may factor in (again) at some point...but that's still some way into the future.

that should cover it, i think. as always, i'll add on if anything else comes to mind (though i noticed that i haven't added anything to any of the past years' new year's posts). for this year, i think TKGS girl will be my only and last tuition kid (unless my friends have any more relatives who need help, or any SJI/CJC kid asks). with lab keeping me busy, and since i'll have a steady income from august onwards, i think i can do without tuition.

nearly forgot. remember i blogged about wanting a pet, but not having the time to take care of one? well, i figured that the next-best alternative would be to find a place which allows me to interact with pets, but not have to house them, feed them, or otherwise take care of their every need. first place that pops into mind? SPCA. i've been reading a bit on their website, and notice that they have volunteer positions open for dog-walking. i figure i can do that, even during semester time! only minor hitch is that walking times are on weekday mornings. despite that, i should be able to work something out. think i'll give them a call tomorrow. speaking of tomorrow, i haven't decided if i want to go back to lab, or take another day off. while i could use another day's break, my conscience might end up bugging me to go. well, we'll see what wins tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Hopefully, this year will be the best so far.-