Before i forget, i wanted to put on record a very positive interaction i had last week. or was it 2 weeks ago? in the recent past, anyway. it was with a partner in a UK IP firm which i'd applied to. the firm rejected my application, and i wrote in to ask why. didn't think much about it, until i received an email which looked like a scam. generic sender name, the subject line was something like "contact form entry received". only when i logged into my formal/job application email and saw the same email there did i open it. good thing i did!

as far as feedback emails go, this one is probably the best one i'd ever received. he mentioned that the firm usually deals with areas outside of my specialization (with examples!), and that other candidates' CVs lined up more closely with what they did. can't really argue that point, can i? but more than that, he gave me feedback on my application too. he said that my application was very good (his words, verbatim), but that i could talk more about the commercial value of my research to make it better. i don't know how it never crossed my mind to do that before his feedback. but well, that's part of asking for feedback, so that we can get new ideas and make ourselves better. it's a learning experience which i'll use for future applications.

13 working weeks to go, less than 8 of which i'll actually be working. does the constant counting make it sound like i can't wait to leave? that's not the case, actually. it's just something that will happen on a certain date. like mondays = rubbish disposal day, 30 april = leave japan day. but i find that keeping track of the remaining time helps in my planning, and in giving me the extra push/sense of urgency to get things done...not that i've been very successful on that front at the moment. seeing as i have a 4 days off this coming weekend, i suppose i should aim to get the facebook listing up by the time it's over.

last kind of random thought. it's linked to the balls post, which i don't know when i'll write. i'm very inclined to resign from a post that i've held onto for the last 5 years, and have done nothing with for the time that i've been in japan. should give the opportunity to people who treasure it more. i think i'll aim to write the resignation letter and the balls post during my long leave in march.

-random thought of the day: Brain feeling heavy.-

Only happens for a few days each year, but it's snowing! or perhaps i should say it snowed. started with super light flurries on tuesday afternoon, became a veritable snowstorm (for these parts, at least) at night. this made the smaller school in the mountains push their start time back by 2 hours yesterday, and by one hour today. they told me that i could stay in the town hall yesterday, so i ended up taking leave under the impression that english class was cancelled...but it wasn't. feeling mildly guilty about it, but those were the instructions from the higher-ups, so i don't feel too bad. it's supposed to get warmer over the weekend and early next week. that's something to look forward to.

speaking of taking leave, i've somehow managed to squeeze my 30+ days of leave into the remaining time here. 30+ leave days out of about 65 remaining workdays means i'm only working about 1 in 2 days on average. doesn't feel like it now, but i guess it's because my leave is concentrated in the march-april region. i might end up with a day of leave unutilized, but i figure it's not big deal even if i don't use it. after all, they were kind enough not to pro-rate my leave, so i'm actually getting paid extra, in a sense.

job applications are at the waiting phase now. i noticed slightly more positive vibes after confirming my visa status and right to work. a firm which had previously rejected me outright now replied to say that they were considering my application. the current count is 2 live applications in the UK with one more to send out in march/april, and 3 more live ones in singapore. not too optimistic about the singapore ones though, because it's been zero contact since i applied. by some stroke of luck, all 3 prospective employers in the UK have sponsor licenses. that's something i don't have to consider if given a choice between 2 or more of them. but let's not get too optimistic yet. i'll probably hear back from them in february, although one firm did extend their application deadline, possibly because there weren't enough candidates? part of me feels like screaming "stop looking for people and just give me the job already!" i guess they're trying to improve their odds by widening the candidate pool. reminder to self: i'm still not guaranteed a job. even now, all 3 applications could fall through. just going to sit tight and see what happens.

-random thought of the day: On leave tomorrow!-

Plan "use accumulated leave days" started today. taking leave for no good reason when there's school going on makes me feel like i'm one step closer to leaving...which in a sense, i am. even though i've blocked off about 20 days in march and april, i'm still left with slightly over 10 days, which i've got to fit into the next 2 months. it's definitely a first world problem, and i'm sorry if i sound like i'm complaining about it. maybe i should consider the odd half day here and there too.

week 2 of school just ended, which leaves me with 9 more weeks in the term (7 actual working weeks due to leave), and just a hair over 14 weeks before it's goodbye japan. so far, the kids seem to be relatively indifferent to the clock ticking down, but at the same time i know that they have other things in life to worry about. just going to remind myself not to expect too much. it would be nice if they did something for me, but i am by no means owed anything. and although i know that, the irrational part of me is still hoping. stupid, isn't it?

yesterday, my nose began running while i was at school. today brought about the addition of a mild pressure in my head. am i seriously falling sick so soon after getting COVID? good thing is that the odds of it being COVID again are low, due to the acquired immunity that lasts for a bit after an infection. google says i have about 8 months, but there have been reinfections within 2 weeks. those are a small proportion though, so i'm not going to worry about it...unless my senses of smell and taste go again. for now, i'm going with the idea that it's just a cold.

in case i haven't mentioned it, the american teacher and i don't have overlapping schedules any more, except on mondays. we go to different schools from tuesday to friday, as part of the superintendent's idea of how to better utilize us. there are pros and cons, but one thing we noticed was that our level of communication dropped. so, we've started sharing details of what went on in the schools while we were there, so that the other person can pick up easily when it's their turn to go to the school. he shared with me that there was an incident with one of the kids who doesn't pay attention in class. and my first thought was, 'serves him damned well right'. i have no sympathy for him, not because his english level is low, but because he doesn't try. if someone's english is bad but they still participate in class, ask questions, just all around be a good student, i will help them in any way i can. i'm quite tempted to tell this class the truth - that they are a large part of why i'm leaving, and the thought of seeing them for one more year is more than i can handle. it's a super bridge-burning move, though...maybe if they anger me enough.

since tuesday was cardboard disposal day, i got the suitcase i bought out of the box, and threw the box out. good news for me is that despite being about half the price of the one in aeon mall, this suitcase also has aluminum edging. i realized that our sense of touch is very dependent on feedback from other senses as well, and it's difficult to form a conclusion from touch alone. don't get me wrong, we're great at detecting changes in flatness (can feel the presence of a hair by running our fingers along a surface), but we're not so good at feeling for wetness as it's easily confused with coldness. something similar happened while i was trying to determine the material of the edging. since it's winter, every part of the suitcase was cold, so that didn't help. even testing for the sound it made when struck didn't work. the only thing that worked was running another metal thing over the edging, and feeling the feedback. good to know that i saved about 10000 yen and got a similar (arguably better) product!

i think that i should come up with a plan of action for my remaining time here. the 3 biggest tasks i have are cleaning the house from top to bottom, packing up everything i want to take back, and selling stuff off. cleaning is mainly throwing away junk that's accumulated over the past 3 years, plus getting rid of visible mould/stains. packing should be easy, given that i'm going to take less stuff back. the challenge will be selling stuff off, including 2 bicycles, a monitor, and the car. should get a facebook marketplace listing up soon. the target is to sell everything off by april 26th. perhaps i should slowly start on packing now, deciding what clothes to bring along and what to throw/give away. i think i'll aim to fill a suitcase each month; that seems doable. hoping that everything goes smoothly!

-random thought of the day: Need to stop falling sick!-

Going by the disproportionately negative internal reaction i had to something that happened today, i think i can say that i'm finally checking out of this job. and it's also something interesting i'm discovering about myself. so here's what happened. i found that my schedule in the town intranet had been updated. someone put in an event for an "english conversation session" with the primary school kids. again, glorified babysitting. the thing that upset me was that it was put in my calendar without my permission, which implies that i'm expected to join. granted, the nice coordinator did send me a formal message/invite later, but i hadn't agreed and now even more so, i'm not going to agree.

so that's what i discovered about myself. i don't like people assuming that i'll do things for them, especially if it's not within my job scope, and even more if it's something that i don't feel inclined to do in the first place. if i'm being completely honest, the main reason i'm so opposed to attending is because i don't feel like it's worth my time to do this for an hour after work, especially since about half of the kids are less interested in the "english" bit and more interested in the "play" bit. i don't blame them. but to me, it means that they don't need a native speaker there. i will do my best to get out of it.

coincidentally, the superintendent intercepted me on my way out and said he wanted to have a chat with me about my working hours. apparently, i'm working too much! with the old timecard system, i could manually fill in an earlier end time and claim the off-in-lieu on another day. but since the town hall decided to switch to electronic timekeeping, that doesn't become possible. or perhaps i should say that doesn't become easy, because it will involve me logging into the system, editing the relevant times, and sending them up the chain for approval, which is an additional step that the manual time cards didn't require. while i believe that at least part of it was motivated by concern for my work-life balance, he also did tell me that my working overtime was causing them to exceed the budget that they'd set aside for my salary. the intentions are not completely noble here. i'd actually consulted some of the singapore JETs about this situation before, and the general consensus is that i'm being too nice. to his credit, the superintendent did suggest shifting my working hours when necessary, like starting and ending an hour later. it'd be interesting to see how this turns out.

-random thought of the day: Maybe I need sleep.-

Short post to update that today was...lacklustre. i'm usually happy to see the kids after the holidays, but not so much today. don't get me wrong, it was overall positive, but there were times when i just felt kind of neutral or even bleh.

also, i did something that surprised myself (negatively) today. for some reason, i found myself withholding the fact that i got COVID over the winter break while talking with some other people at the office. i felt a strong disturbance/unease in my soul when the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. after thinking about it, the only reason i could come up with is that i was afraid of being ostracized/stigmatized. the thing that frustrates me is that i don't think i'd have had this fear in singapore! so maybe i've picked up more japanese habits than i'd like.

if telling someone about COVID was already this difficult, it made me think about how people with STDs ever muster up the courage to to let people know about their conditions. they never know how a person is going to react, and the stigma surrounding STDs is far worse that that of COVID. on my side, i think i could do more to show support. doesn't have to be a big display, just a small gesture would help. i might consider putting a red ribbon (supporting people living with HIV) on my bag or something.

oh, i don't think i've ever told this story. i came out to scary JC friend in 2014, 9 years after i first got to know her. it was a combination of 2 factors - me feeling down after some failed dating attempts (i think this was before the love quadilateral, which also happened that year), and more importantly, back when facebook had a space for you to write a short bio/introduction, hers included a sentence along the lines of "i'm ok with homosexuality". given that it's been another 9+ years since then, i don't recall whether the message was just "i'm ok with it" or one of outright support. my memory says it might have been "homosexuality is normal", but don't quote me on that. regardless, it gave me the courage to message her and our friendship only really took off from there. and that's why visible/obvious support is important.

that took longer than expected. think i'll end the night by listening to some of the speech recordings, and maybe work a bit on some english materials. the teacher FINALLY asked me to prepare something...although with the new schedule, the other teacher may end up using the presentation i made. not quite sure how i feel about that. it's less of a credit issue and more of a teaching style compatibility issue. well, i'm sure we'll be able to work something out.

-random thought of the day: The 2 key is stuck on my numpad.-

Including today, i have not been at work for 17 consecutive days. i have also not been very physically active for various reasons; and with the stuff i brought back from my trip, i didn't even step out of the house! but that's all about to change because school starts again tomorrow, and it'll be back to the daily routine. term 3 traditionally feels fast because it's shorter (about 12 weeks vs. ~15 for term 2) and also because the sec 3 kids have exams and graduate earlier. it's also my last official term in schools, although i may drop by for visits in term 1 of the next academic year (in april) before my departure date.

most of the COVID symptoms seem to have gone away. i made scrambled eggs yesterday and while i could taste them, they seemed less eggy somehow? not sure if it's my mind playing tricks on me, or if i still have residual symptoms. apart from that, my fingers are feeling cold. for most people, that would be a concern that circulation was being cut off, but i have a history of cold extremities so i'm not too worried about it at this time.

how do i feel about going back to school tomorrow? if i'm honest, markedly less excited than i was for previous terms. i was thinking about why, and perhaps it's the knowledge that it's my last term here. or maybe it's like something that chemical engineer cousin experiences, which she calls the pre-post holiday blues. granted that i'm not feeling blue exactly, more like neutral. i guess the only thing for it is to go into school tomorrow and see if my mood improves.

somehow, my youtube browsing has led to the algorithm showing me videos of married couples. while i don't exactly envy them or want to get married, a small part of me thinks that it would be nice to have a partner. in particular, there was this one video where the wife was pranking the husband by pretending to be asleep, and the husband prayed over her. if you've been reading for a while, you'll know that i'm not religious. even then, i couldn't help but think that it was incredibly sweet. of course, i don't know how much of the video was staged, so it could all very well be an elaborate illusion. it did get me thinking though...if this trajectory keeps up, i'm going to be the single (hopefully fun) uncle to a lot of my friend's kids, as well as my own nephews and nieces. not that i mind, mind you! one of my paternal cousins is in his...mid- or late 40s (i don't think he's 50 yet, right?) and is still single and having a blast as far as i know. i do think having a partner would be nice, though kids are out of the question. hopefully the UK opens up the dating scene for me, since it's been dead here in this remote placement.

well, that's it for now. i've got a ton of admin stuff to do in the town hall tomorrow, one important thing being to find out my schedule. i'm sure it'll be fine.

-random thought of the day: Remember to bring the souvenirs!-

COVID sucks. it's day 11 since symptoms showed up, and i'm feeling at maybe 70% of my usual self. grateful that there hasn't been any brain fog or more serious complications! the 2 most worrying symptoms at present are lethargy and doubts about my own senses. i have most of my smell and taste back, but the thing is, i don't know if they're the same as they were before COVID. so i'm often questioning if i'm smelling things with the same intensity as before. not only that, i'm also uncertain if things smell the same to me now. it's a little disturbing to think that my scent memory might be so easily affected! on the plus side, at least i'm not heavily reliant on those senses for work.

the lethargy thing manifested itself as me constantly sleeping past my alarm. like, i can stay in bed until 2pm before rolling out of it for lunch. granted, that could be because of the cold weather too, but i find myself sleeping more hours a day on average. i also decided to call in sick yesterday, and from a brief conversation with my supervisor, it seems like i'll have to use my annual leave instead of the absence being recorded as sick leave. normally i'd fight for my right to use sick leave when actually sick, but i have the fortunate problem of having too much annual leave, so i guess i'll let this one go. as it is, i'm already finding it difficult to slot all the leave days into my remaining time here.

one IP firm who'd rejected me replied to my request asking for feedback about why exactly i was rejected. it took a while, but i'm grateful that they at least bothered to respond. their response wasn't really helpful though, as they didn't give a specific area which i could work on. to make things worse, one sentence said "there is nothing in your application that makes us believe that you wouldn't be a good fit for IP" (paraphrased). and my first reaction was "THEN WHY AREN'T YOU ADVANCING MY APPLICATION!!??" it makes no sense! it reminds me of a scene in like a movie or TV show, where the oblivious female lead tells the male best friend who is very obviously one-sidedly in love with her, "i wish i could date a guy like you", and the guy says/thinks, "but i'm a guy like me!" if i had to guess the reason for rejection based on their reply, i'd say it's because of the visa situation. well, i'll thank them for their reply, and casually drop in the fact that my UK visa got approved. maybe, hopefully, that might open a door.

my next workday is next tuesday, which is also the first day of school. i think i should be fully recovered by then. since i haven't been back to the office, i haven't heard about whether the new changes to the schedule have been agreed to by the schools. guess i should go in a little earlier just in case. for now, the plan is to rest up this weekend and try to see if my lung capacity has been negatively affected.

-random thought of the day: Appetite still isn't fully back.-

Apparently, there was an earthquake warning last night. what a way to start 2024! hopefully this isn't a sign of things to come. my 2024 started off kind of poorly as well, what with COVID and all. thankfully the earthquake warning wasn't for my area, so i'll take that small blessing.

for 2024, my overarching theme is to do/find something that i like. hopefully life in the UK and IP fall into that category. i have to admit, the thought of living in the UK is a little intimidating, and i still have some reservations about going there. but well, if it doesn't work out, at least the experience should have learning points for me. i suppose that i should probably use the time now to outline exactly what happens if plan IP doesn't work out. the ideal case would be if i managed to secure a job offer before going to the UK. in the event that i don't, i will try to look for work (applying for both chemist and IP positions) for up to 6 months, or until i feel uncomfortable with the amount of money left in my bank account. if i really can't get a job...i may have to call it a day and try my luck in singapore.

as for how this ties into other plans, my IELTS results expire in may 2026. but that's not a hard deadline since i can take it again. the hard deadline is october 2028, or my 40th birthday. i'll have to submit my expression of interest for australian PR before then, because being 40 and above knocks 10 points off my assessment. so that means i have about 5 years from now to get the necessary relevant work experience as a chemist for that application.

unfortunately, i don't think there's going to be significant change in my life for a bit yet. see, i'm scheduled to leave japan on 30 april, which means about 120 days of the same routine before then. there will be differences of course, like clearing my leave and doing other end-of-JET things. but by far and large, i think my routine won't change too much while i'm still in the schools. that will be followed by a month or two in singapore before going over to the UK, so depending on how you look at it, the next new adventure will only happen halfway into the new year.

this year, i think i want to try focusing less on myself, and more on the people around me. like i want to be a part of the community in the UK, and to be a contributing member of society - more so than i am now. i wonder what kind of community projects will be available in the UK, and whether i can fit in.

being sick really doesn't put me in the best writing mood. i think what i'll do is save the balls post for a later date. looking into the near future, i may take time off depending on how i'm feeling by wednesday. i figure that as long as i make it back for the first day of school, i'll be ok. also reminder to self - the electronic timecard system is kicking in this year. while i don't think it's necessary, it's only for 4 months. i can do it. that thought applies to some classes in the schools too.

well, that's it for now i guess. the sickness is muting it a little, but i'm excited for 2024! time to step out of that comfort zone and see what else the world has to offer/what else i have to offer the world.

-random thought of the day: The cough is getting worse.-