This time last year, i was in the UK, hoping that i could land a job and start my life there. unfortunately, it was not meant to be. i struck out the "unfortunately" because i don't think that i'm in a worse position now than i would be if i'd managed to find something in the UK. part of me wonders what if i went all-in on plan UK. but based on my brief time there, i don't think i would have liked it over there. well...like i always say, it's fun to imagine and hypothesize about the "what if"s, but what matters the most is this actual life i'm living.

don't have too much to update you all on, except that i met scary JC friend and another of our mutual friends for dinner this past friday. the last time i saw him was 6 years ago, when the three of us had dinner together as well. i'm not close to him, but i think it's nice to catch up once in a while. we had nice conversation over many plates of sashimi, and he was surprised to realize that both she and i didn't want kids. afterwards, scary JC friend actually let me drive her car home, before taking over and going to her next destination. i must be doing something right for people to trust me with their cars.

while doing my finances, i was reminded that i have a POSB account that i no longer use. it was my first bank account which i had full control over. i think i made when i was in secondary school? back then, having an ATM card was a big deal, because i could use it for NETS purchases. i distinctly remember depositing my saved allowance at the end of every week, back when the cash deposit machines could only accept notes that were $10 or greater. then, i'd go for retail therapy. nothing extravagant, maybe a tray of supermarket sushi or some cute but useless thing at mini toons or popular. the reason i still have $500 in there despite not using it for the longest time is because that's the minimum amount required to avoid the fall-below fee. logic says i should just close the account and deploy the $500 elsewhere - into investments, or into my UOB account which earns more interest. sentimentality tells me to ignore logic and keep the account because of the nice number (which i can still recite from memory now), in case i ever need a backup...all sorts of reasons that sound good at first but don't hold up to deeper scrutiny. i will give myself up to the end of the year to make a decision, although i think i'll probably make my mind up about it sooner than that.

decided to use the off-in-lieu from polling day to take a day off tomorrow. i realize that my attitude towards annual leave is perhaps not the healthiest - i'll prefer to not take leave unless i have to. and that usually leaves me with a huge amount of leave to clear before they expire, which is why i could disappear for literally more than a month when leaving JET. i've done the calculations...with my current 18 days of leave per year, i could take 1.5 days off each month. but i don't see the point in doing that, because it's not like i NEED time off every month, plus it wouldn't leave me with spare days at all. since i'm in my first year, i figure i'll aim to carry some days over. probably not the full 18, but maybe 9 or so? i'm currently at 14 days remaining this year, and we don't have any long trips planned, so it seems possible. maybe a cruise at the end of the year, but that's about it. well...there's still time to think about it.

as i mentioned in my last post, my immediate superiors are away the whole of this week. i'm still sitting on 5 cases, and i think what i'll do is ask some of the other seniors on how to present the report. i feel that there's a gap somewhere between my mentor's teaching and my understanding. i don't fully understand her considerations in the way she presents her reports, and while it seems clear whenever she explains it to me, i'll see a different case and not know how to do it. it's annoying, because this is supposed to be a foundational skill! if i can't get this down, there's no point even thinking about other more advanced skills. hopefully the seniors will be able to provide an alternative perspective, or at least a way i can broadly apply the concepts.

-random thought of the day: Returning the car tomorrow.-

Love it when things line up nicely! my friend's about a week into his 2-week overseas trip, and he's lending me his car again while he's away. L was scheduled to work this past sunday and thanks to that, i was able to send him to and from the venue. i must admit, i kind of miss driving. both the act itself, and the convenience that having a car brings. but i definitely don't miss the associated costs. $50 only got me half a tank of petrol! gone were the days when i could fill my car up from almost empty to full with $60. i'm due to return the car next monday, so i'll treasure the remaining time with it. still no plans to get a car of my own, though - the finances just don't make sense. well, i see the car situation now similarly to how i see my friends' and relatives' kids - i'm happy to have them for a while and maybe spend a bit on them, but ultimately i'm not tied down long-term.

stress at work's been relatively high. after talking to my group lead, i'm fairly convinced that a significant part of it is self-given. i tried to get a sense of how i was doing in terms of meeting expectations for learning, the way i handle cases, writing reports, etc. she didn't answer the question directly (choosing the very diplomatic "everyone's learning process is different"), but just based on that, i would estimate that while i could be doing better, i'm not on the chopping block at this time. thankfully, we just got through a gauntlet of 6 related cases, and i have some time to reset and internalize the learning points before starting on the next wave. i think i'm going to pause for at least tomorrow and take stock of what i've gone through so far, including compiling a "case log" for future reference. my group lead advised that i start it while i have a relatively few number of cases under my belt, and i think there's wisdom in that. can you imagine having to go through 100+ cases and cataloguing them!? i have about 15 and i'm already having trouble remembering the details for some of them. just have to remember that (1) haste makes waste, and (2) sometimes we have to rest momentarily so that we can travel a much longer distance. i'm grateful that my superiors really seem to be the nurturing kind (even if my mentor does scare me somewhat). as long as i don't repeat any more mistakes, i think i'll be good.

the sudden stress manifested itself in a bad dream...or at least that's what i think happened. it happened 2 nights ago, and while details are fuzzy, i remember that L got shot and killed due to an accident involving a firearm. most of the dream was spent processing his loss, and what me, his dad, and his grandmother were going to do from then on. i doubt we decided on anything before i woke up in a bit of a panic. oddly, he told me that he had a weird dream too, but it wasn't about me. i don't know - it's probably nothing, but given how inclined i am to believe in signs, i won't deny that it's got me a bit rattled. while i don't necessarily agree with everything the government says or does, i am 100% behind the tight gun control laws we have.

since my mentor and group lead are both going on leave (kids and june holidays), i'm going to be in a bit of a limbo. this freer time, plus since i've just submitted 6 cases, means i've got a bit of breathing room. perfect time to slow down and carry out plan internalization. see? things work out in the end.

-random thought of the day: -

Part of planning my finances involved thinking about when will happen after i pass. i suppose that the importance of having plans in that regard was also further driven home by my uncle's passing. i've had "concepts of a plan" about my will and all that stuff before, but i was recently recommended a good resource which helped me to define my goal a bit more clearly.

the resource is a book, and it's called "die with zero". quite a self-explanatory title, isn't it? of course, it's still not a foolproof guide, because we don't know when we'll die! although it did make me think - what if we could know? like, if we were to set an expiry date on our lives, say at age 80, 85, or something. even then, it's still not 100% guaranteed to work, because of unpredictably. like, someone who plans to end their life at 80 can get into an accident and end up dying at 50. but that's something we have to live with, i guess. the book didn't recommend euthanasia or anything, but suggested planning based on your expected/typical lifespan.

i'm still in the midst of reading it, but the takeaways i've gotten so far are: (1) we often overestimate the amount of money we'll need after retirement, (2) trade money for experiences, (3) experience things while we're still capable of fully enjoying them; (4) start giving away money sooner than you think. makes sense to me, but that's because of my unique life circumstance.

unfortunately, this goes against everything i've been taught, which is to save up as much as possible while i'm earning money. although it's sound advice, the issue is nobody really defines an end-point! so the impression i have is of people scrimping and saving every cent, only to die with tons of cash which then goes to their descendants. while it's one way to do things, it's not the way for me. going to need to re-condition myself there.

at this point, it might still be a little premature to open the floodgates and buy everything that catches my eye. after all, i still haven't passed probation (3 more months to go!) and i'm looking to get a place of my own in the near-ish future (aiming to finalize it within the next 2 years). i'll admit though, that i do feel like i should allow myself to spend a tiny bit more extravagantly. not to the level of michelin-starred meals every day, but like, feel less guilty about spending in general, i guess. but for now (at least until probation is over), i'm not going to actively look to spend more money. if it happens, it happens.

-random thought of the day: Sitting at new seat tomorrow!-

Spoke too soon about not dreaming about my late uncle. well, it's within 100 days of his passing, so i guess the likelihood was there. it does seem a bit arbitrary, this 100 day thing. i still dream of people who've passed years ago. another belief i've heard is that you only dream of someone while they're still stuck in the underworld, and you won't dream of them once they're reincarnated or ascended to a higher plane. if this is to be believed, i guess it's some comfort that i can't recall the last time i dreamt about my grandparents. i still remember them, of course, but they haven't stopped by my dreams for a while now.

in the dream, i was with my uncle at an airport. i'm inclined to say it was changi, and it would fit in with the theme. he looked healthy - more like the time where i visited him in NZ, compared to the month in hospital. my impression was that someone was planning to go to the US for a road trip, though i can't remember if it was either or both of us. we were at a money changing machine and he was trying to change a huge stack of NZD (bright orange notes) to USD (notes in red, white and blue). another strange point i remembered was that we had to hold down a button for the machine to dispense money. maybe a feature to prevent others from stealing the changed money? the dream was nice. i actually woke up forgetting that he'd passed, and only remembered that after properly waking up.

i kind of feel that my sleep hasn't been the best lately, quality-wise. one contributing factor is that i sleep late - i probably averaged a bedtime between 12:30 to 1am for the past week. another thing that doesn't help is that L sleeps later than i do. and even when i tell him to go to sleep, he'll turn off the light but keep watching shows on his laptop, which creates light and noise. it's definitely not worth breaking up over, but we will have to work out a solution. a possible alternative is that i move into the other room, or he watches his shows outside and comes in only when he's ready to sleep.

maybe it's my crankiness due to not having a good sleep last night, but i feel irrationally upset by this issue. could be because i'm one of those who needs sufficient amounts of good sleep to function and be personable. in L's defense though, he starts work later than i do, and so he can sleep in. plus, his rough patch at work is still continuing and it's affecting him quite badly. he told me before that when his mood/mental state is down, it manifests in him sleeping excessively - which i've noticed at least in the past 2 weeks to a month. perhaps most importantly, this is his house and it wouldn't be right for me to dictate his behaviour or where he can do what. should aim to have this conversation sooner rather than later.

on the bright side, this week at work was good. we had our official last day in the training room on wednesday. while i'm looking forward to the move, i'll also miss being "protected" in the training room. i also had a very productive call with my mentor and group lead yesterday to discuss my upcoming cases. we took about 90 minutes to go through 6 cases. but the time investment will be worth it if we get to send those cases out after minimal revisions. i also went to ask for more work, which resulted in my boss assigning me an additional 5 or 6 cases. first impression is that they look manageable - nothing like the nightmare that my past 2 cases were. i think it's good that we got together to work on the cases, because it also gives me insight into how they think and what key words or features they're looking out for.

in another stroke of genius, i figured out how to move my yen! so as you may know, i transferred my savings from JET back to my DBS account. thing is, i kept it in yen because of the horrible exchange rate. while it's a safe strategy, the problem is that i have money sitting in the bank doing nothing - not even gaining interest! so i've been looking for things to do with it. among some options i considered were: buying japanese shares, converting it portionwise, or just waiting until the exchange rate got better. in the end, i decided to move most of it to my brokerage account on the account of (1) zero transfer fees (thank you DBS! not sponsored, but in case anyone from DBS is reading, i'm open to discuss sponsorships), and (2) my brokerage account gives a small bonus for fresh funds deposited. it's by no means enough to make up for the forex loss if i were to convert the money back into SGD now, but my idea is that gains from the stock market should make up for the horrible exchange rate. don't worry, i'm not picking stocks this time. let it be known that i do learn from my mistakes! i'm doing the warren buffet strategy for the lay investor - park money in the S&P 500, and forget about it. it seems to be paying off so far - i'm up about $2000 since i started 3 months ago! of course, this is all still unrealized profits, so nothing is set in stone yet.

on the topic of financial wins, i didn't realize that it was time to pay annual fees for my credit cards. i only spotted it when i saw an unusually high bill for a card i rarely use. turns out that the fee for my main card was also charged a couple of months back, and i didn't notice it amidst the multitude of transactions. luckily, UOB has this automated annual fee waiver feature on their app that allows you to request for a waiver within 120 days of the annual fee being charged. i requested it for both cards, and both went through just like that. i'm making an exception and paying the annual fee for my DBS card, because they give 10 000 bonus miles with payment of the annual fee. or rather, i should say they give the rewards points equivalent of 10 000 miles. it's only worthwhile because these points don't expire. so i'm paying about $225 for 10 000 miles, meaning about 44 miles per dollar. i see that as a win!

still feeling a bit low-battery now, and the horrible heat/humidity isn't helping. L went out to meet his friends for lunch, and i'm standing by to see if he wants me to go out later to meet him for a movie or something. even if we don't go out today, i think i'd be fine just rotting at home. no tuition today since it's a public holiday, so i'm appreciating this small blessing. while it does mean that i'll be earning less this month, it feels nice to have a full 2-day weekend. should make the most out of it. whether that means going out more or staying at home to recharge, i haven't decided yet.

-random thought of the day: Building another keyboard!-