Reaching home after 9:00pm every day from tuesday to friday, in a dead-tired state, definitely did not make for conducive blogging conditions. add that on to a general lack of sleep, and it's no surprise why i haven't been updating for the past 4 days. anyway, there's quite a bit to catch up on (i think; it certainly feels that way), so let's get started.

unfortunately, i missed my physical chem lecture on tuesday. that's not smart, especially considering that it's my weakest module. seeing as i was already screwed, i went to queensway to get my shoelaces. i'm actually quite surprised that for a place selling shoes, there are relatively few shoelace-selling shops. whatever happened to the econs theory of placing complementary goods close to each other!? anyway, i got one pair of shoelaces, but i haven't laced them onto the shoes yet. that's going to be done later tonight, and here's hoping that they'll be long enough.

after stopping by queensway, i went back to school to attend my evening lecture, as well as to have consultation with a maths professor who taught my year 1 maths module. somehow, maths people are just a whole different breed of genius. i mean, which chemist would see an integral and instinctively know that it's a variation of the normal distribution function? and don't even get me started on how to manipulate the integral until it matches the normal distribution. too bad that this maths genius is a genius which i don't possess...but oh well; can't win them all.

originally, i wasn't intending to go for CJC/SJI training on wednesday, so i stayed in the library to do research for my lab report. in the end, i decided to pop by for a quick visit. turns out that training was being handled by the seniors in the SJI gym. the last time i set foot in there was in 2006, before intensive studying started and all J2s got banned from training. going back into the gym was sort of a "homecoming", though the rest of SJI will never be a home to me. after they were done doing whatever they were doing, we went to bishan for dinner. one of the juniors will be flying off to the UK to do her A-levels there, so it was nice to spend a bit more time with her before she leaves.

in retrospect, though, following them for dinner might not have been my smartest move. that resulted in me staying up late (4:00am kind of late) to get most of my lab report done. as i've mentioned before in various previous posts, i generally do not work well when deprived of sleep. i suspect that missing sleep on wednesday was the cause of my perpetual tiredness for the rest of the week.

anyways, thursday passed by relatively uneventfully. i went to see my physical chem tutor for consultation. sadly, nothing conclusive came out of it. he was trying to find out where i got stuck. being a tutor myself, i didn't really need him to help me to rediscover something that i already knew. we didn't really do anything chem-related. in fact, i'd say it was more of a counselling thing than anything else. not that i don't appreciate him taking the time to talk to me...just that i was hoping for something more solid, if you know what i mean. i did borrow a textbook off him, just for my own reading and understanding. i haven't really got around to reading it yet, but i will before the weekend is up.

the lack of sleep definitely affected me, as i woke up later than intended on friday. the plan was for me to wake up at 5:00am to put the finishing touches on my lab report, but i slept until 6:00am instead. nevertheless, i got up, rushed through the lab report, and turned up for physical chem lecture only 30 minutes late. after the lecture, i went to make an appointment to see the professor for consultation. hopefully this session will do a better job of lifting the fog that has settled between physical chem and myself.

as you probably know from my complaining about my schedule, i have labs on fridays. somehow, it slipped my mind that the experiment i was due to do (NMR) would start late. so, i suddenly had close to two hours to kill. being extremely bored, i went to look around the year 1 lab (with the permission of the lab techs, of course). the experiments that my juniors are doing are the same as the ones that i did, so i was able to compare experimental technique and results. true to one of the nice lab tech's words, i found their technique to be a little...lacking. but then again, they're new and unfamiliar with the NUS labs, so i suppose that's forgivable. in particular, one guy kind of stood out. he came to the lab 40 minutes late, and didn't have safety goggles. what kind of chem major (yes, he is indeed a chem major...i checked) doesn't have safety goggles!? even more interestingly, i heard him muttering, "what is hexane?" underneath his breath. imagine my surprise when i later found out that he was the only year 1 in that lab who knew what the beer-lambert law was. i don't know how to describe this, save to say that this person's an anomaly.

as for my own lab, it was over very quickly. we basically analyzed a mixture of compounds using NMR spectroscopy. until now, i still cannot figure out how we're supposed to write the experimental/procedural part of the lab report. i mean, all we did was to load the sample into the machine, click a few buttons, and the computer did the rest. well...i'll stress about it in a couple of weeks, since the lab report isn't due until week 6. not that i'll put it off to the last minute...i simply need to attend more lectures to learn more stuff so that i can write a better lab report. yes...that's it; let's go with that.

while waiting for our NMR spectra, we saw our "god TA". as the second part his nickname implies he is...or rather, was our TA for organic and inorganic labs last semester. the reason that a "god" is attached in front is simply because he was the best out of all the TAs that took our level. he actually went the extra mile to send a mass email to all of us in his teaching group after each lab session, giving us pointers on how to write our lab reports, as well as challenging "thinking questions" that helped us to understand the experiment better. not only that, he also offered us hints/tips/shortcuts to make the experiment easier to complete. due to his capabilities, all of us who had the fortune to be in his teaching group were sorely disappointed to learn that he wouldn't be taking us again for level 2, thanks to his mean boss. bleh. thankfully, the skills that he taught us can be applied to all levels of university lab life. and if i ever forget, i have his emails sitting in my inbox, ready to be referred to at any time.

remember that i mentioned a junior who's going to the UK? scroll up a few paragraphs if you don't. since she's leaving soon, the judo people decided to hold a surprise farewell for her. too bad that one of the other seniors sort of forgot to inform me about it. i'm mildly saddened, but not all that surprised. i mean, if i survived not getting the invitation to my own J2 farewell, missing this one isn't too big a deal, is it? i suppose it was for the best too, since i had stargazing for my einstein module that night. unfortunately, i didn't have any life-changing revelations while staring at the stars (from a soggy field, to boot). that's not to say that i didn't learn anything new, mind you. my conversations with the module's lecturer and tutor were enlightening, each in their own way. talking to the lecturer really gave you a sense of ignorance...as in, you found out that the stuff that you've been learning is either not entirely correct, or flat out wrong. it's what the guys in my company back in army would term as mind-f...you know what i mean. many things were discussed, and to be perfectly honest, i don't remember most of them. well, he did say that he would go through some of them in lecture again, so i suppose i can wait.

the tutor (who interestingly, looks a little like the OC whom i respect the most) didn't blow my mind like the lecturer did. nevertheless, i learnt a lot from him too. however, it was more practical knowledge, about going for honours and furthering my studies after that, as well as the processes that i have to go through to get a PhD. apparently, getting a PhD is quite challenging. there's this thing called a thesis defense! how does that not sound scary? combining what he told me with what the lab tech said earlier in the day, i definitely have my work cut out for me. first off, i need to raise my CAP back to above-4 levels. then, i have to maintain it until the end of year 3, when i can register for honours, and even up to year 4 and maybe even 5. then, assuming i get at least second-upper honours, i have to apply for PhD studies under an academic supervisor. i know i'm getting ahead of myself, but my current intent is to specialize in organic synthesis. i even have my top 2 choices of supervisor planned! one of my choices happens to be next semester's organic lecturer, so i'll have the opportunity to see if i made the right choice. even when doing research for my PhD, i can't drag it on for too long. information is that a PhD candidate's tenure can be revoked if they don't produce significant results. but that's all in the future. right now, i should worry about more pressing things, like physical chem.

against my better judgement, i decided to go for training today. why do i insist on not listening to my intuition!!? the first part of training was ok...got roped into doing some intense exercise with some crazy seniors who were there. for my efforts, i was rewarded with a (broken) blister on my left big toe, and with an abrasion on my right little finger. nice how the locations are exact opposites of each other. the screwy thing happened when sparring. so, i went to spar with this J1 girl. halfway through the bout, she suddenly turned around, walked away, and started crying. like 'WTF, mate!!??'. it's totally disrespectful, not to mention that it's a disqualification if you stop fighting halfway through a competition. up till now, i have no idea why she did that, though i have my theories. they are as follows: (1) she got demoralized/frustrated from not being able to throw me. (2) she was having PMS. (3) i somehow inadvertently offended or injured her. (4) she was too tired. out of all my hypotheses, i think that the first one is the most likely, though i wouldn't be surprised if the second was true as well.

now, allow me to offer my counterpoints. i'll start with #3, because that's the most unlikely one, and therefore the one that is most easily debunked. remember i explained why we bow after a sparring match? well, we bow before a sparring match too, but for different reasons. before the match starts, we bow as a sign of respect, as well as in agreement to forgive each other for injuries that weren't intentionally caused. basically, whatever happens during the match stays on the mat. there are no personal feelings involved. so, if i had somehow did or said something to offend her, she shouldn't take it to heart, because i definitely didn't mean it. if she was badly affected, she could approach me after the match to tell me, at which point i would apologize profusely. or if i had somehow injured her, she should have let me know immediately, so that i could look out for her and possibly provide basic first aid.

#2 and #4 are actually sort of similar. i can't control how she feels, so i can't really do anything about her PMS/fatigue. the best i can hope for is for her to learn better control. come to think of it, #1 is also linked to here, but i'll elaborate why later.

now comes my strongest arguing point. i've said it before — for juniors, getting thrown by the seniors is nothing shameful. on the contrary, we as seniors should be ashamed if we can't throw the juniors! after my judo revelation a few weeks/months back, i've realized that judo is not all about the competitive aspect. i guess i'm starting to see the philosophical, "way" side of judo. consequently, i'm much nicer when sparring with juniors, as in i'll fall for them when they execute a technique with acceptable form, skill, and power, as opposed to going all out to throw them as much as possible within the allotted time. forgive me for being rather direct, but this girl has none of the three things that make a good throw. i'm not saying that i have all of them myself, but i know it's not there when i (don't) see it. come on...she's not going low, not breaking my balance sufficiently, and not pulling hard enough! i've seen the way she does her throwing form practice, too. it will be a cold day in hell before she throws any of the seniors with that kind of form. furthermore, i'm sufficiently massive such that smaller people have to work much harder to throw me. if she expects me to fall for that kind of half-assed throw (or throwing attempt), she's got to be kidding.

even then, that's no reason to walk away! do you know how damned insulting (not to mention stunning) it was!? that's the first time i've ever seen anyone walk away from a match...and it happened to a match that i was part of, no less! pardon my frankness, but i think that this year's J1s have a tad too much welfare. do you have any idea what would have happened to us as students if we had walked away from a senior after failing to throw him/her? i shudder when imagining the consequences. sparring with seniors is admittedly not easy, but juniors should have enough self-control to at least finish the bout, right? to be fair, i must mention that this particular girl is a bit...wilful/headstrong, and that this was most probably an isolated case. despite all the stuff i've said, i still feel not-entirely happy about the whole incident. i don't know...this has severely decreased my motivation to go back to CJC for training.

after seeing one of the J2 girls for consultation (again), we went to subway before finally going home. for some reason, i was terribly distracted while driving. and as anybody who's been in a car with a distracted driver knows, that's not good. though i don't know the exact reason, i've narrowed potential causes to my sleep debt, and the training incident. thankfully, i managed to drop all my passengers off, and make it home in one piece. while in the car, i was sort of beginning to think of ideas for this post. one particular thought that kept running through my mind was, 'i've been feeling unappreciated recently.'. normally, i'm a pretty low-profile kind of guy; i don't need fanfare or lavish "thank you" parties. but once in a while, it would be nice for someone (be it judo kids, tuition kids, or even people from university, if the chance presents itself) to just give me a heartfelt "thank you" or "well done". no man is an island, after all. i don't know...seems like something left over from my low-esteem early-to-mid teen years.

"human beings are, by nature, suspicious/distrusting. give them something perfect, and they'll immediately try looking for flaws. they can accept it better if there's something wrong with it.". i remember bringing that up in a philosophy tutorial last semester. maybe that's why i'm feeling like this. life is working for me, and maybe i feel that it's working a little too well. so, i'm conjuring up problems to make life a little more interesting, so to speak. damn me and my masochistic tendencies.

tomorrow's tuition plan is slightly different. i'm not seeing SJI boy again, so it'll be the two raffles girls, and maybe a new student. the reason i say "maybe" here is because she was supposed to call me tonight to confirm for tomorrow, but she didn't call. instead, she dropped me an SMS saying that she would "call after 7". that's kind of ambiguous, because i don't know whether she means 7:00am or 7:00pm. as you can see, there's a pretty big difference between the two. my preliminary information-gathering tells me that she's sec 3, in MGS, and is terribly confused about the concepts. i don't mean to stereotype, but i sincerely hope she's not a bimbo. either way, i'll know more after the first session, because that will determine whether or not i take up the assignment. based on what i know and what i've heard so far, i have a pretty good feeling about this. please don't let my intuition be wrong...

right now, i should be heading off to bed. if all goes well, i'll see 3 kids for tuition tomorrow. if not, then i'll only see 2. have to find some way to fill up the free block in the middle with stuff to do...stuff like reading through the physical chem book which my tutor lent me, or like dropping by popular to get lead and a new file.

-random thought of the day: Monitor the car's fuel consumption!-

Part 2 (and thankfully for my wallet, the last major part) of retail therapy was done yesterday. got myself a nice new pair of casual shoes. right now, i'm contemplating returning them for a bigger size. the length is ok, but the width feels a tiny bit too narrow. to be fair, i should allow more time for them to get seasoned/broken in. ultimately, i think the width problem can also be solved by lacing them up more loosely than normal. sadly, that leads to another problem, because the default laces (approximately 130cm length) are barely sufficient. looks like i'll have to make another queensway trip to get a nice, longer pair of green shoelaces (the shoes are mainly black/grey, so it makes a nice contrast).

the unique thing about these shoes is that the tongue is anchored to the sole at the sides, so there's like something wrapping round your foot when you put them on. i suppose that contributes to the squeezed feeling that i get. well, given enough time, i'm sure they'll stretch out or something. until then, i suppose i just have to wear them more often to give them that opportunity. my eventual goal is to get them to a "slip on/off" stage. as the name implies, i want to be able to just stuff my feet in them and go off with minimal shuffling, readjustment and the like. i'll make it happen somehow.

now, this means that i can use my other pair of shoes as they were intended — for running. looking at my schedule, i'll schedule my runs on monday, wendesday and thursday. for monday and thursday, i'll probably end up using the school track, since i know the SRC has shower facilities (you don't seriously expect me to board the bus straight after running, do you?). however, this largely depends on whether lockers are available for short-term rental (i keep forgetting to check!). i'm not about to leave my bag and valuables unattended in some dark corner while i go off for exercise. if memory serives, i think there should be temporary-use lockers around. must use either tomorrow or wednesday to go kaypoh around the SRC. as for wednesday, i may end up staying in school to do work, in which case, i'll use the track as well. but if i decide to leave early, i'll figure out a running route closer to home.

as i've mentioned a few posts ago, SJI boy is sitting for his prelims. you know, when my tuition kids' exam results come back, i usually have to do a delicate balancing act. on one hand, when i see how sad some of them are over their results, i want to reassure them that they performed ok. and yet, when i go through the paper with them, i just want to slap them for some of the idiotic mistakes that they made. like i said, it's a delicate balancing act. i don't want to hurt their feelings any more than necessary, but it DOES become necessary sometimes. only thing i'm afraid of is misjudging those times. i don't want to put a kid down any more than i absolutely have to. it would royally suck to have any of my kids' suicides hanging over me.

mmm...i'm up way past my bedtime. so, i'll end off here, finish reading that last fanfiction chapter, and head to bed. i really really hope that i make it on time for physical chem lecture tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: I'm recovering! Yays.-

Lazing in bed all day is a luxury which i haven't allowed myself since...a very long time ago. actually, i wasn't even intending to do it today; just that i saw no really good reason to get up, except for meals and the occasional bathroom break. besides, watching stuff on youtube was keeping me entertained, not to mention the constant blocked nose and coughing didn't make me feel all that active/lively. can't let myself get used to this kind of inactivity, though...i'd never get any work done otherwise. on the bright side, lying in bed all day has given me the opportunity to increase my fluid intake. i must have drank close to 3 litres of water over the course of the entire day. hopefully that helps to flush the bad stuff out of my system at a quicker rate.

the last time i blogged was...wednesday. well, nothing of much interest has happened over the past two days. thursday was pretty normal. i'm getting increasingly lost for the einstein module. something about lorentz transformations and einstein's thinking. the latter kind of scares me. one thing the lecturer told us was that einstein pondered problems such as, "if i was riding on a beam of light and looked in a mirror, would i see my own reflection?". i always knew einstein was a genius, but to think about such things at the tender age of sixteen? that's (in my opinion,) pushing it a little. as for NMR, it's still digestible for now, even though new content is slowly creeping in. one of my friends wants to see the professor to clarify stuff (he got the module late and therefore didn't attend the first 2 lectures). having missed the second lecture myself, i should definitely tag along to see if i missed anything crucial.

my dad picked me up after my last meeting on thursday. random observation: i saw a honda jazz in a really nice metallic shade of blue on the way back! anyway...if there was one reason why i would put off getting a car to drive to and from school every day, it would have to be due to my unwillingness to drive through the evening peak hour jam. i don't know what is it with traffic jams that make people behave illogically and causes their driving skills to deteriorate. for example, not signalling when filtering. i'd understand if people did that when the road was practically deserted, but now that the road is crowded, it would make even more sense to signal your intent to change lanes, right? after all, there are more cars on the road, and more chances of an accident if somebody didn't see the signal. so, by not signalling at all, NOBODY will see your signal and you run a much higher risk of getting into an accident. as sad as i am to admit it, my dad is one of those non-signalling people. maybe it's the time/experience factor. when you've been driving for so long, you just know where and when to filter for maximum visibility. alternatively, the not-so-nice way to say it is that you're complacent after driving for over 30 years. whatever you want to call it, it's still dangerous and i do get extremely annoyed with drivers that don't signal their intent.

the other annoying thing about peak-hour traffic is that everyone is so kancheong! i understand that driving fast helps to improve fuel economy, not to mention it enables you to get out of the jam more quickly, but there's no need to be a complete jerk to other road-users in the process, is there? things like trying to cut into major traffic from a "give way" lane, weaving from left to right across the road and back again, and other related antics. why can't some (well, most) people just be more patient, and others more gracious? but having said that, i also understand that it's incredibly frustrating to be stuck at the same junction for more than 5 minutes, so much so that you'll take any opportunity to just get your car into the main road. what really sucks (especially for new/unconfident drivers) is that very few people will give way and let you get in front of them. damned singaporean kiasu mentality. i don't care what people think of it, i personally feel that it has to go. having had bad experience due to it on public transport already, my sentiment is most definitely justified.

friday served to highlight the fact that i am most definitely not a morning person. the rainy weather didn't help much, either. somehow, i'm very convincing when i'm half-awake. i can get myself to believe that a few extra minutes' sleep won't matter. "a few" then turns to 5, which drags on to 10, 20, 30, and sometimes even beyond that. fortunately, on that particular morning, i stopped at 30. even then, i was running sufficiently late that the only way to get to school on time was by taxi. what made that suck even more was that there were huge jams everywhere due to the rain which made me sleep in in the first place, and the peak hour surcharge was on. consequently, the taxi fare that day was approximately 2.2 times of what i would normally pay. an expensive price for an extra half-hour of sleep. that aside, the physical chem lecture killed me. i really wonder whose bright idea it was to set it for an 8:00am timeslot. who would be sadistic enough to kill students so early in the morning!?

my first lab was also on friday. contrary to my expectations, it didn't last the whole day. moving to the year 2 labs is kind of a mild shock. instead of a nice, spacious lab with fume hoods for each individual student, we now have a nice, slightly less spacious lab with four or five communal fume hoods. admittedly, the year 1 lab may have spoilt us. still, adapting to the new lab was pretty easy. i'm a scientist(-in-training), after all, and i'm most definitely comfortable in a lab setting. the experiment was kind of messed up, though...largely due to our confusion. while i don't trust my data 100%, it looks quite reasonable; at least a clear trend is observable. i just feel that i should have taken more readings at the start of the experiment, as per the lab manual instructions. i haven't processed that data yet, but preliminary analysis shows promise. i really hope that my graph is reasonably straight, and that not following the manual to the letter won't come back and bite me.

seeing as my physical chem is suffering, i went to crash the level 1 physical chem lecture to refresh my content. sadly, the lecturer was still talking about gases (and not entropy/thermodynamics, which was what i needed help in), so i did my other work instead. this year's freshmen have it lucky. the female professor is handling the module single-handedly this time, instead of jointly with her husband. that's a good thing, as her husband is more of a chemical engineer/applied chemist. what this translates to is that he doesn't really focus that much on chemical theory, which is not good for a chem major. looking down the LT at all the newbies, i couldn't help but reminisce about the time when i was in their shoes/sandals/slippers. seems like it wasn't too long ago when i was taking that module and cursing at the lecturer who said that velocity was a scalar quantity. well, technically, it wasn't all THAT long ago. but it sure does feel good to be reminded that you're not a first-year any more, know what i mean?

last thing for friday. finishing classes at 8:00pm is horribly exhausting, especially when there's lab earlier in the day, and even more so when i'm feeling under the weather. the principles of spectroscopy module is challenging and involves a lot of maths, particularly calculus. strangely, i find myself to be coping ok. maybe it's because i understand the theory behind the questions. of course, the odd question will come along and trip me up. that usually happens when i have no clue about what the question is asking me to find. the professor casually hinted that an in-class test was coming up soon, so i'd better get a clear idea, the quicker the better.

i should probably mention that i found a third route home from school. it's also the cheapest route, because about half of the journey is free. it involves taking the BTC1 shuttle bus to a bus stop near the bukit timah campus (3 guesses as to what the "BTC" in "BTC1" stands for), then taking 156 to bishan from there. compared to the alternative routes of (1) bus 95 then train, or (2) bus 151 then either 56 or 57, the main drawback of this route is that i'll have to wait half an hour if i miss the BTC bus, as well as having to endure the standard long waiting time for 156. as a minor gripe, i have to cross an additional overhead bridge to get home...but i figure that it's worth the $1+ i save in bus/train fares. helps me get some exercise, too.

right now, it's getting late. i don't feel sleepy, though, considering the amount of rest i got just by staying in bed all day. still, i figure i'd better get at least 6 hours of sleep, considering i have early morning tuition tomorrow. this week, i'm only seeing the RGS and RJC girls. SJI boy has been given a sunday off due to his prelims, and it's complicated with the other kid. this effectively means that i have tuition from 9:30am to 11:00am, and then from 5:00pm to about 7:00pm. reminds me so much of my tuesdays and fridays. well, i can swing by school to print the upcoming week's lecture notes and do some preliminary research for my lab report. if time permits, i may even go down to queensway to get those casual shoes i've been looking for...also provided that i don't feel too sick. i actually contemplated calling the kids to cancel earlier today. don't think i will, though. it'll take more than this minor illness to disable me to the extent where i have to cancel tuition.

-random thought of the day: The tops of your lungs are at about collarbone level!-

The first line of this song kind of describes how i'm feeling now. why won't i come to my senses, indeed? seeing that person on the way home still made me feel kind of negative. i don't know what the exact emotion is. all i can say for sure is that it's not anger, resentment, or anything hostile. oh well. i think i'm being a little too hard on myself. these things need time to heal, after all. on the bright side, the negative emotion wasn't as strong as before. shows that i'm letting go, i guess. like another line from the song says, "it may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you". just have to learn to see the rainbow through all that rain.

yesterday, i blogged about my symptoms. i think i jinxed myself, because they were worse when i got up today. totally didn't have the energy to get myself out of bed. as a result, i've missed another lecture. arrgh. why do things seem to be going against me, just when i'm trying to be more hardworking!? have i unknowingly offended uncle murphy or something? regardless, i'm determined not to miss any more school than absolutely necessary. to help that cause along, i've resolved to sleep by 11:30pm every night. maintaining regular sleeping hours will help me to wake up on time without feeling horribly dead.

speaking of school, my schedule's solid already. i know when i have tutorials...just not where. that's a minor detail, though; i'm sure that the lecturers will give more information as the tutorials draw closer. for now, i have the rough idea of how my days will be spent in school. since i'm no longer intending to go for CJC training (unless other seniors drag me along), that frees up my wednesday afternoons for studying, and saturday mornings for sleeping in. this also means that i'll have less distractions from work, which SHOULD translate to better grades.

tomorrow is catch-up day. like i've mentioned before, i'm falling a little back. luckily, it's only the second week of school, so catching up shouldn't be that difficult. have to use the free periods in between my lectures wisely, and make sure i'm once again up-to-date with all my modules, especially physical chem. in addition, i have to prepare for friday's lab. it's the first lab of the semester, so i really want to get off to a good start.

-random thought of the day: Must remember to buy a sponge!-

A nasty, scratchy feeling is starting to develop in the area above the roof of my mouth and directly behind my nose. it actually feels like i'm close to having a nosebleed. having only had at most one nosebleed in my 21+ years of life, i'm mildly worried. there are 2 conjectures about its origin...(1) it's a consequence of breathing in too much of the 7th month fumes, and/or (2) i'm dehydrated and heaty. right now, i'm more inclined to believe that it's the latter one. at any rate, i'll have to avoid chilli, fried stuff, and other things that will cause excess heat. must also remember to drink plenty of water, at least double of my current intake.

even though we're only mid-way through the second week of the semester, i can feel myself falling a little behind already. it's mainly for the core modules, which sucks, since they're the important (and content-heavy) ones. i can't afford to slip up...not so early in the semester, anyway. a bad start makes for a bad finish, after all. definitely have to use my free days/periods to re-read the notes and go through the examples again, especially for physical chem. all the d's and the integrals are on the verge of liquefying my brain.

for some reason, after attending the welcome function, i feel less inclined to join NUS judo. the function wasn't all that well-organized, and the person leading the class didn't really seem to have it all together. despite that, the important things were that nobody got injured, and people seemed to be having fun. somehow, i don't sense much closeness between the non-newbies. maybe that's what's giving me second thoughts about joining. but on the other hand, if i don't join, i won't get nearly enough training done. in addition, as yesterday proved, going for training after classes is kind of exhausting. decisions, decisions. well, there IS another alternative, which is currently unavailable. have to be patient, i guess.

oh oh. i've been meaning to blog about this for quite a while, but it kept slipping my mind. you know those TVs on the MRT platform? when not displaying information about when the next train is coming, they show other things like movie trailers, advertisements, and safety videos. those videos are hilarious, in a pretty embarrassing sort of way...like when the narrator goes, "oh no, we are in trouble.". it's so fake! to be fair, though, considering that none of the cast are professional actors/actresses (at least i don't think they are), they put up a pretty decent performance. even then, i still can't help but simultaneously laugh and cringe a little every time i see the video.

now that i'm spending significant portions of the day out and about, i seriously have no energy to blog. what's worse is, there's quite a bit of stuff that i want to say! bleh. right now, my brain is telling me to stop writing and publish already, so i think i shall do just that.

-random thought of the day: SJI boy has his chem prelim tomorrow. Oh noes.-

Going to keep it brief, since i have school tomorrow.

as much as i like to be in control of my fate, there are the occasional times where i don't mind handing the reins over to someone else. when that happens, it usually means that i'm in a morton's fork situation, and want someone else to help me decide whether to head towards the rock or the hard place. perhaps it's for the best that i received that SMS last night. that way, it makes for a clean break; no feelings of guilt or anything.

while i don't feel guilty about the whole thing, i don't exactly feel happy about it, either. given enough time, i'm sure a better resolution would have been reached. nevertheless, things are in the pits now, so i won't bother thinking about possibilities. rather, i would like to borrow the robinsons' (from the disney movie, aptly titled "meet the robinsons") motto, 'keep moving forward'. while i will always be willing to help that person, i won't step back into their life unless they ask. i've realized that putting my own life on hold for someone isn't worth it, especially when the person in question doesn't know/understand (or maybe doesn't WANT to know/understand) how deep these feelings actually run.

in the spirit of moving forward away from this sadness, i went to do some retail therapy. bought a few pieces of clothes, and i'll be going down to queensway sometime this week to get a pair of casual-er shoes. i figure that i can give one week's free tuition to make allowance for the wallet damage. after all, it has to be a blue-moon occasion for me to spend like this on clothes, of all things. well, it's done me some good, and i do feel marginally better. right now, it's time for bed. i have to be in school early next morning to secure my last tutorial slot, and check the results for my last round of tutorial bidding.

-random thought of the day: Smile!-

Had i known that today's events would transpire as they did, i would have stayed home (and probably hidden in bed all day too, for added safety). suffice to say that i'm not in the best of moods right now. before i launch into the depressing stuff, let me just talk about the past few days' happenings.

week one of school is over, and i've met all but one of my lecturers. the einstein lecturer is quite...interesting. from what my friends (who have taken his module in previous semesters) tell me, the way to score is to attend all lectures and listen carefully, because he'll drop hints about the test questions. sounds easy enough. what does worry me is the term paper component, which can be a 2000 to 3000 word book review or story. i know the difference is quite extreme...book reviews are supposed to be scholarly, and stories can be just pulled out of thin air. the one thing that they have in common, though, is that they have to be related to either relativity or quantum mechanics. i figure with what i'm studying now, that'll be relatively easier.

spectroscopic applications is kind of intimidating. the lecturer is a nice hong kong lady, which makes her a little more difficult to understand. not that i'm badly affected, anyway, especially after last semester's inorganic module. the first lecture was spent on explaining NMR theory, which is actually a lot deeper than what they taught at A-level. i'm grateful that i was under the old syllabus, since i've at least had some exposure to it. right now, things look a little challenging, but i'm sure i'll be able to handle it.

even though it's only week 1, i'm quite ashamed to say that i've missed some physical chem lectures already...all because i was trying to secure tutorial and lab slots. i haven't even seen the lecturer yet! that does not bode well, especially when his first set of lecture notes were more maths than anything else. i'm starting to suspect that german chem professors are more concerned with calculations than theory. next tuesday will show whether i'm right or not.

last thing school-related...schedule. with the exception of two tutorials, my timetable's set already. from the looks of things, this semester will be manageable. fridays (and tuesdays, to a lesser extent) are kind of annoying, since it's a long-ass day. in fact, i'll be working non-stop from 8:00am to 8:00pm for most of the semester's fridays. not that i mind, since it's lab work. it's the last lecture i'm slightly concerned about. as engaging and fun as it is (we derived the particle in a box formula yesterday!), i'm afraid that lab will make me too brain-dead to concentrate.

there was coaching yesterday, too. thankfully, unlike last week, the school didn't cancel at the last minute. after taking just the competition team for the past three months or so, it was kind of terrifying to see all the primary 3 and 4 kids again. as expected, they forgot almost everything, so i had to teach from scratch. i think i need to develop a stricter tone when coaching the younger kids. the time spent on reestablishing order could have been used to do some other more productive stuff. not that it matters much, considering their short attention spans. what's worse, their next training session isn't for about another month, by which time they will have forgotten AGAIN. how are we supposed to train up a competition team!? well, i'm just an assistant, so that's technically not my worry.

now, for the depressing stuff. stop reading here if you're tired of hearing about that person and associated things. as of today, i give up. i'm done. i can't do it any more. it's not worth it. earlier, after dropping some of the judo kids off, i drove home and had a good, long think in the car. if that person thinks they're better off without me, then i have to accept that. you know...all that "you can lead a horse to water" stuff. i guess i tried too hard. it's for the best that we don't interact, since interaction seems to bring about negative feelings from both sides. today, i sort of woke up and smelt the burnt toast of reality. to put it in a less metaphorical way, i finally accepted that loving this person means that i want them to be happy, regardless of whether it's with or without me. and as a side-effect, i'll probably be spared the hurt of seeing things that i can't bear to see. not to mention that i'll have more brain space for schoolwork. one unfortunate consequence is that the frequency of my visits to CJC will be drastically reduced. that's really too bad. i like this bunch of juniors. as i was telling some of them in the car just now, they're the first cohort in about 4 years to be this interested in judo. too bad that i will no longer be around as often as i'd like to watch their skills develop and guide them along the way. but as i've also said before, i'm only a senior. seniors are by no means indispensable. the club will survive, regardless of whether i attend training or not.

ok, depressing stuff over (for now). while this is pretty much the worst-case scenario, it also is the most likely to happen. as much as i want the final resolution to be less severe, i'm fully prepared for the above stuff to play out. we'll see how things go after tomorrow. right now, i need sleep.

-random thought of the day: Must go shopping tomorrow.-

Classes started yesterday, and school is slowly but surely making its presence felt in my life again. well...right now, it's still more slowly than surely. not that i'm complaining, mind you. the pace is still slow enough for me to test the water and get a feel for what life is going to be like in the upcoming weeks. so far, i've only attended 2 lectures — principles of spectroscopy, and managing singapore's built environment. first impressions: i like the spectroscopy lecturer. even though his class occupies a rather...non-optimal time slot, he's still interesting enough to maintain everyone's focus. it helps that he, like last semester's inorganic professor, asks the lecture group questions. only that he doesn't take the microphone up to the student and go, "do you know the answer?". it's less intimidating, i suppose, if you sit close enough to the front to quietly tell him your answer to his question as opposed to telling the entire class your answer via the microphone. as usual, i welcome these sort of challenges, so i'll be sitting in the front more often than not.

as for the built environment module, the content seems quite boring right now. stuff like economics, supply and demand for infrastructure, factors affecting those things, why we need a built environment, amongst other stuff. though it's based in SDE (that stands for "school of design and environment", by the way), it still manages to look pretty artsy. as an interesting trivia point, it turns out that the module was originally called "construction economics". but nobody really signed up for it. so, after some repackaging, we got conned into taking it in the end. but hey, it's the least artsy (and therefore, the least intimidating) of the SS modules being offered this semester, so...least of the evils, i guess. even though the content doesn't interest me that much, the lecturer managed to deliver the lecture well. i suppose that why she's won 4 (i think) teaching excellence awards. at any rate, i'm not dreading going for lectures (even though the place was rather difficult to find) or second-guessing myself for taking this module (yet), so i'll take that as a good sign.

right now, most of my schedule has been set, except for the chem and environment tutorials. seems like my previous post didn't mention that i'm taking physical chem after all, so i'll tell you all now. as a result, i have gaping eight-hour free periods on tuesdays and fridays. i've managed to fill up the friday blocks with lab sessions, so that leaves tuesdays to worry about. the current plan seems to involve me going to the library's training room after my first class to work on my lab report, with a possible break for lunch/early dinner, then going for the second lecture. have to see whether it works out when lab actually starts.

since class ended early for me today, i met another senior for judo training at CJC. he hadn't recovered from his flu/respiratory tract infection, so we kept it light. more importantly, we went through the first set of the nage-no-kata, which is prominently featured in the black belt grading. we're more or less confirmed to be partnering each other, so we figured that it would be good for us to get familiar with each other's rhythm and style, not to mention strengths and weaknesses. that way, we can cover up for each other during the performance. fortunately, we discovered something that made us (or maybe just me) feel rather...self-conscious. you see, one of the throws involves carrying your partner over your shoulders in a fireman's lift, before throwing him off at an angle. since both of us have above-average weights, that's going to pose a problem. we also arrived at two potential solutions to the problem: (1) lose weight, (2) strength training. of course, the hidden third option would be: (3) all of the above. and that's what i'm going for. starting from tomorrow, i'll embark on evening/night runs (and possibly gym/weight training sessions), subject to a few variables which will be discussed later in this post.

jumping back to the topic of training, today's session has made me question myself for going back so often. why am i doing it? i'm not under contract or obligation, and the kids don't seem to appreciate it when i go back. case in point: you know how after sparring, you bow to your opponent? ok, maybe you didn't know, but now you do. anyway, the bow is to express your gratitude towards your opponent for giving you the opportunity to improve your skills. while it is not obligatory, i usually follow it up with an actual, spoken "thank you" to reinforce that. i am quite extremely ticked off with one of the SJI juniors' reply, which i will not publish here. it's not that difficult to figure out, actually. just pause and think — which other two-word phrase that ends in "you" immediately comes to mind? if i was the coach, i would have made a huge scene...but since i'm only a senior, i had to let it go at that time. i view it not so much as a personal insult (please, i've taken worse than that), but more of an insult to the martial art itself. by actually saying that to your opponent, you actually defy one of judo's main guiding principles — mutual benefit. i suppose the reason he said that was because i threw him a few times, and he didn't manage to throw me nearly as often. but come on...i have a size advantage and probably a (slight) technique advantage too! for juniors, getting thrown by a senior is nothing shameful. i've sparred my fair share of bouts with the seniors from my time, most of whom are more aggressive and less nice than the current seniors. sparring with seniors is a learning experience! even if you're being thrown all around the country, use it as an opportunity to improve on your breakfalls. still, i acknowledge that there is that element of frustration when you execute your supposedly best technique, and you opponent remains stable on the mat. maybe that got the better of him. doesn't make it an excuse, though.

that sort of links to the second thing. normally, when a senior comes up to a junior to invite him to spar, the junior doesn't refuse. also, when seniors stand out on the middle of the mat waiting for partners, the juniors are expected to fill up the gaps. that's the typical case. today, the exact opposite of both scenarios happened to me. while i can understand that the juniors may be reluctant to spar with me (i was not the type who would voluntarily spar with seniors, either...though i did when forced), at the same time, they should know that i won't go out of my way to deliberately hurt them. it's kind of unpleasant, when you're standing/kneeling out there like an idiot (for standing and ground sparring respectively) and nobody approaches you.

actually, i think that this only happened because i'm too nice to the kids, and/or that we've gotten too close. up till today, i still have a healthy respect/fear for the people who were seniors when i was in J1/J2, mainly because there were boundaries that we never crossed. you know what they say in army...once you get too close to people, they're likely to climb all over you. and i think i let that happen here. or maybe i'm just not carrying myself with the proper air/aura of a senior. it's difficult to not want to blame the kids, because they should have more self-discipline. but in fairness, i'm the so-called responsible adult here, and therefore i should be more at fault. like i said earlier, i'm now wondering if i should continue going back as often as i'm currently doing. on one hand, it's a good way to spend saturdays, and get in some form of exercise. but if the kids don't appreciate my presence in the dojo, i should just reduce the frequency of my visits. completely disappearing is not really a viable option, since i still have to meet my kata partner for training.

should i decide to reduce my visiting frequency, where else can i get my judo fix? the first answer that comes to mind is NUS. since i'm studying there and all, the logical thing to do would be for me to join their judo team. having some coaching experience myself, i believe that i can put aside my personal negative feelings towards the coach and establish a good professional working relationship with him. the timing works out pretty nicely, too. they train on mondays and thursdays, starting at about 6:30pm. my class ends at 4:00pm on those days, so i can make it for training on time, no problems there. the only reservation i have about going for training is that i'll be too tired to travel all the way home after it ends. i think i'll attend one session next week (probably the welcome tea) to see how things go. then, based on that, i'll make my decision on when to run and when to train.

by now, you should know that i have more-than-platonic feelings for someone. you should also know that that someone seems to be able to annoy me very easily. i think i've figured out why. when you don't care about a person, whatever they do is not important to you. when you *do* care, that person's deeds (both good and bad) get proportionally more significant relative to how much you care. so if he/she does something that is hurtful to you, it hurts more than normal. as luck would have it, my person tends to do a lot of those type of things, though i suspect that they do it without realizing their actions' impact.

quite honestly, i'm tired of it all...reading too much into things that may not actually have underlying meanings, worrying about that person and how they're doing in all aspects of their life, going out of my way to help when they don't appreciate it...there's only so much emotional roller-coastering that a guy can take, you know? it wouldn't be so bad if that person reciprocated even just a little, but they don't, and most probably never will. and that's the thing that sucks the most. no rational human being would choose to do things that are bad for them, right? so why am i doing this? after thinking long and hard, my best answer is that it's not a choice. something is compelling me to do this. believe me, if i could remove all feelings (both good and bad) towards this person, i would have done it a long time ago. but i can't, and i'm still stuck with them now. i have this odd feeling that that person still does not (or doesn't want to) realize the magnitude of what i feel for them. what to do?

right now, i guess that i should stop thinking about this, and focus on school. i'll meet 2 more lecturers tomorrow, namely the spectroscopic applications one and the einstein's universe one. i'm hoping that this second spectroscopy lecturer will be as good as (or hopefully, even better than) the first one. as for einstein, various sources have told me that getting well-acquainted with the professor helps your grade. so...that's one thing to keep in mind. but first and foremost, i want to turn in early tonight. nice, cold weather + fatigue from training + need to get up early tomorrow = bedtime brought forward. i promise myself this: for the rest of the school week (meaning tomorrow and friday), i will not worry about my relationship with that person. i'll save all my worrying for saturday, when things may actually happen.

-random thought of the day: I'm sleepy/tired.-

In case i ever forget, going for tuition the morning after a night of drinking isn't the smartest thing that a person can do...especially if that person's the tutor. yes, if you haven't figured it out yet, that's exactly what i did on sunday night/monday morning. thankfully, i was only giving a test to my SJI boy, which allowed me to explain the test rules/regulations, hand him the paper, and pass out. ok...that sounded worse than i intended. while i did fall asleep while he was doing the test, i still woke up intermittently to answer all the questions that he asked. at the end of the day, the test got completed without any major problems, so it all worked out (P/S: i'm not unprofessional enough to try and teach while recovering from drinking). the test has been marked already, and i must say that his results are below expectations. marks are second priority to me. it's the concepts that matter. if you know your concepts, the marks will come naturally. he happened to leave several easy questions blank, and that's the thing that really annoys/worries me. hopefully i may find some reason to award him a few more marks when i go through round 2 of marking.

when i was in BMT and a recruit messed up, one of my company's sergeants would say, "even stupid also got limit, right?". i used to believe that, until something happened yesterday. SJI boy was flipping through my wallet (don't ask). when i looked over to tell him not to mess around with it too much, i noticed that the familiar blue strip that usually shows above one of the card compartments was missing. after spending a couple of minutes mentally retracing my steps, i realized that i left my ATM card in the cash deposit machine on sunday. with that action, i've just redefined "stupid", or at least pushed it to a whole new level. under normal circumstances, i wouldn't make this error. it so happened that i was trying to simultaneously hold a phone conversation and deposit money, hence explaining my loss in focus. yet another piece of evidence to support my theory that multitasking is bad. looks like i'll have to call the bank and get a new ATM card today. i'm infinitely grateful for two things...that my bank balance hasn't shown any drastic decreases (as of this morning) and that it was my ATM card that was lost, and not my debit card. that would REALLY have me panicking. of course, i'd prefer it if nothing at all got lost, but things don't always work according to plan, do they?

yesterday was national day, and once again, things generally don't go my way on national days. kind of ironic, since i'm a singapore citizen and all that. discovering the loss of your ATM card does not make for a good national day. sometime yesterday, i was reading up on past national day parades. every year, a new theme song is written for the occasion. my question: is it really necessary? as far as i know, most other countries don't write new patriotic songs that feature prominently in their national/independence day celebrations. of course, i could be severely misinformed. if that so happens to be the case, please ignore the wrong stuff in this paragraph.

for some reason, people are making the most ridiculous record attempts. i just read that punggol secondary school set the record for "most number of mentos/coke geysers simultaneously fired" or something like that, and the residents in some district (punggol also, i think) did "most number of party poppers simultaneously set off". personally, i find it kind of pointless to set a record for something which is not widely attempted, or sometimes, not even attempted at all. how often do you think people will come together and say, "hey! let's try to beat the mentos/coke record that those other buggers set a while back!"? furthermore, where's the pride in holding the record for something obscure like "most number of ham and sardine blended milkshakes made in 3 minutes while playing the piano with your toes"? ok, granted that the activity i described might actually be challenging, so there could be a sense of achievement; i don't know. and i'm not willing to find out, either. bottom line is, if nobody attempts to challenge your record for doing an activity that most people wouldn't normally classify as something record-worthy, there's not much point to having that record.

there's a bit more singapore-related stuff i'd like to blog about, but i can't seem to phrase it correctly right now. when talking about potentially sensitive topics, it's best to think really carefully about the phrasing of your claims. so until i can phrase what i want to say in a nice, neutral way, i won't say it. i suppose that i should end this post here. after all, i have to go down to the bank to get a new ATM card, as well as go to school to print the notes for my only class of the day, which is from 6:00pm to 8:00pm. oh joy.

-random thought of the day: Time to get concession again...-

"Summer has come and passed; the innocent can never last..."

the next line of this song is quite famous, so i won't write it here. besides, i've used it before, and i don't want to recycle too many things too many times. i don't know about innocence, but at least the first part of the line is true. summer is over...summer break, that is. in terms of weather, with the possible exception of the monsoon season, summer never really stops in singapore, does it? anyway, the end of summer break also means that school is restarting, and i'll officially begin my second year in NUS. the prospect both excites and worries me. the worry mainly stems from the fact that i still have yet to secure my last module, and of course, the fear of not doing as well as i should in the upcoming semester. bleh. let's push that aside temporarily, so that i can blog about yesterday.

for some weird reason, there was a miscommunication between the teachers-in-charge and/or the coaches and/or the kids, because the dojo wasn't booked. having no access to the training area, the kids were given an impromptu day off. kind of a turn-off, especially for the seniors who showed up. since none of us have amazing reality-warping powers, we just had to make the best out of a bad situation and go for brunch. as for me, i headed home to tweak my test questions a little more.

met up with some of the brown belts and the coach to go watch the black belt grading later on in the day. as it is potentially a sensitive topic, i won't elaborate much about it, save to say that not everyone was happy with some of the decisions. the purpose for me to watch the grading was twofold...firstly, i wanted to get an idea of what i'd be in for when my turn for grading came up. secondly, i was there to offer support to one of my friends (and fellow senior) who was taking the grading. even though it's not official yet, that friend of mine is as good as promoted. i'm happy for him, but at the same time, i do feel a little envious/jealous. you see, this particular friend was my training partner back during JC days, and he's the first newbie from our year to achieve black belt status. oh well. it's nothing i can't let go of. after all, he did train during his army days, while i took those two years off. in addition to that, his judo philosophy/ideas are deeper/more developed than mine, so in a sense, he deserves to be promoted earlier than me. well, it's only one year. i can wait. actually, even if i HAD been promoted this year, the grading process would have somewhat devalued my black belt, so i guess it's for the better that i'm taking it next year.

sometime after the grading, my friend mentioned that he had already ordered his black belt from the kodokan. that got me curious enough to check out the kodokan website to see what they had to offer. good thing, too. i never realized that there were so many decisions to make just for one black belt. there's the belt length, type of tag, embroidery colour, stitching style, and what the embroidery actually says. the first two choices were easy, but it's the embroidery that's bugging me. i know for sure that my chinese name will have to be on one end. incidentally, i found out that my chinese name's characters are all the same whether written in traditional or simplified chinese. it doesn't really help that the characters don't look that impressive, as in, there are no long, sweeping strokes or stuff like that. that's actually both good and bad, because even though simple characters aren't all that fancy, it made learning to write my chinese name so much easier when i was younger. so, that's one end of the belt down. the other end is usually blank, or reserved for a personal motto-type thing. my headache is trying to find a chinese idiom/phrase that will somehow represent my attitude or goals or belief to/for/regarding judo. well...i still have close to a year, so i can think about it slowly. alternatively, i could ask my ex-confucian ethics teacher for something suitable. i'm sure his expertise would serve well here.

even after settling that, there's still the colour and style. for the style, i've decided to go for the normal stitch, meaning that the words are sewn on after the belt is completed, and the reverse side of the belt will have the words in mirror image. the other alternative is something called "blind stitch", where the words somehow don't show up on the other side. however, the drawback is that blind-stitched characters aren't as outstanding/clear as characters done in normal stitch. i'd sacrifice a little bit of aesthetics for better clarity, so that was a pretty easy choice. the challenge is in deciding what colour i want the words to be in. there are 7 colour choices: orange, red, sky blue, yellow, green, gold, and silver. the first two are pretty common among the singaporean black belts, so they're pushed back in terms of priority. yellow and green are a little too unconventional, so they're out. i don't really like gold, so that's out too. that leaves sky blue and silver. in my entire judo career, i've never seen words in those two colours on a belt, so, designing my belt that way is bound to be a breath of fresh air. personally, i'm more inclined towards silver, though i can't help but be significantly drawn towards sky blue as well. mixing colours is out of the question, by the way. we're talking about a BLACK BELT here! it's supposed to signify that the wearer has attained some minimum level of self-discipline, which is definitely above that of mixing colours for the words on the belt. maybe seeing what my friend did for his belt (when it gets here in about 2 weeks' time) will give me some inspiration.

in addition to that, i also met up with two of my JC friends for dinner at J8's ajisen ramen. i know that i've previously said that i wouldn't go to ajisen, but we ended up flipping a coin for the final dinner venue, and it got chosen. admittedly, it wasn't as much of a waste of money as i remembered, because that day's bill was significantly cheaper than the one i remembered from months (or years?) ago. as is the norm with these kind of meetings, the company always comes before anything else. we had a nice time chatting about a wide range of topics over dinner and during the subsequent car ride (one of them drove). stopped over at one of their houses for the other one to reformat his computer. sounds funny, i know. i'm still quite amused by it. finally reached home after midnight and went to sleep.

one particular thing that was brought up in conversation was the camry's cruise control function. apparently, that was what the little black stick attached to the steering wheel was for! before yesterday, i'd always thought that it was for adjusting the time, resetting the displays and/or odometers, or something equally non-cruise-controlly. i guess the reason i thought so was because i didn't realize that the slight protrusion on the end was actually a big on/off button. my blindness must have evolved or something. anyway, i tried it out on the expressway while travelling between tuition destinations today. mental note: never try an unknown car feature without reading the car manual. don't worry; there weren't any accidents or stuff like that, but it was slightly unnerving to have the car maintain its speed on a straight road even after i completely let off of the accelerator. final verdict: cruise control is a fun feature, but it will remain as something that i either use sporadically, or even not at all. i can really see the potential for accidents. those horror stories about people engaging it and falling asleep at the wheel are much easier to believe now that i've actually tried it for myself. besides, it deprives me of interaction when driving, and that's not good. as if automatic transmission hasn't done enough of that already!

after my friend sent me to the carpark under my block, we had a little chat in the car. he was telling me about one particular girl that he likes, and how he had confessed his feelings to her. sadly, it didn't go as planned, but i think they're still friends, so it's not a complete buang. he mentioned that every time he tried to tell her, he would just freeze up and become dumbstruck, aka. cui tat lan (don't i know the feeling...). at least he finally managed to get it out, so that's one load off his chest. more interestingly, he said that he was reluctant to tell me about this whole thing, because he was uncertain as to how i'd react. this surprised me on two counts. one: i didn't realize that my opinion/feelings mattered that much to him. two: i'm actually quite appalled that he'd think that i'd have an unfavourable reaction. i'm pretty open-minded (look at this blog's title!), so unless someone tells me something that is morally unacceptable on many many levels, i won't react negatively (i might as a joke, but that's another story). i mean, if a female friend told me she liked another girl in a more-than-platonic way, i'd be fine with that. not so much if that other girl turned out to be non-human, or no longer breathing...but that's kind of extreme. i'm 99% sure that none of the people i know are into bestiality or necrophilia, so that's a relief. even then, i probably wouldn't judge them. at most, i'd recommend that they get professional help, or at least not turn me into a corpse or animal for their fantasies.

look at the time (it's almost 9:40pm)! i'm scheduled to meet yet another friend in a few minutes. oh, the benefits of being able to drive and having a car handy. this particular friend called me yesterday, wanting to catch up before he flies to germany to study music for the next 4 years. it's quite sudden, since last i heard, he was studying psychology/business at SIM. guess that didn't work out. also, he was initially scheduled to go over next year, but the visiting professor told him to start school in september, so he'll be flying sometime in the next 2 or 3 weeks. this friendship is a little special to me, since i remember that we hated each others' guts in lower secondary. sometime during sec 3 and/or sec 4, the animosity suddenly turned to friendship...and i have no idea how it happened. nevertheless, i'm grateful that it did. so, with that, i'm off.

-random thought of the day: If "one can't love to order", why do restaurants exist?-

Life has been going on, but i haven't really been in the mood to blog about it. enough stuff has happened in the last 7 or so days to cause significant backlog, and there's not much point for me to try and recollect every single detail. i will, however, talk about the major highlights.

as usual, there was training and tuition on saturday and sunday respectively. nothing out of the ordinary, though i am feeling slightly more stressed as my sec 4 kid's prelims draw closer. nothing i can't handle. in general, the tuition kids all appear to be coping ok; none of them are seriously struggling with their content. this means one of two things...either i'm doing a good job, or i'm not covering the content in enough detail. i really really hope it's the former. well, i figure i'll find out soon, since i'm setting tests for the secondary school kids. i'm not too inclined to do the same for the JC kids...there are just too many possibilities for questions, some of which won't even cross my mind. guess i'll stick to the odd pop quiz for them.

i've been out of the house practically every day this week. went to meet one of my army friends for lunch on monday. he's still the same...positive and friendly. we had a good time catching up on each others' lives. sometime during the conversation, he invited me to his cell group's sharing session. he's sincere about it, too. i know him well enough to at least confirm that. even then, i can't help but feel slightly uneasy when put into this kind of religious setting. i'll give it a little more deliberation before committing to something.

nothing much happened on tuesday, just went to get my coaching paychecks. feels good to see the sudden addition to my bank account. sadly, this is (most likely) the last significant boost that coaching will provide for the year. in the remaining close-to 5 months, the school has only scheduled THREE more sessions. that's an average of slightly less than one session per month, excluding holidays. at this rate, the kids won't improve nearly as fast as we'd like. in fact, i'd be grateful if they didn't deprove instead. to get around this issue, my boss suggested that we encourage the kids to go for private lessons. for some reason, i have mixed views about this. i understand that the school has a limited budget, and can't afford that many more sessions. as a coach who wants his team to improve, i agree that the kids would benefit from private lessons, hence the need to convince the kids. but personally, i feel that bowling is not really vital to a kid's future, and hence, the kids should be interested enough to ask for the private training of their own accord. that is, the coaches shouldn't have to "encourage" them in any way. the most that i would do is to mention that i'm available for private lessons. i wouldn't try to influence their decision at all. of course, that's easier said than done, because honestly, they WILL improve with the extra help. that's a fact. and it will definitely sound like i'm advocating it if i have to tell them about it. guess i have to make it clear that it's purely optional, and that they should only go for it if they are interested, and also with their parents' approval.

wednesday was (i think) the most happening day of my week. went down to CJC not to train, but to provide chem consultation for a J2 judo girl instead. her standard is...below what i'd expect for someone who will be taking A-levels in three months, but then again, i'm probably not the best yardstick to use here. after all, my tuition kids have repeatedly highlighted that my standards can be quite insane sometimes. in addition, she still has ample time to pull off a miracle.

for once, i didn't follow the juniors for their usual post-training bubble tea and hanging out. that's because one of my cousins was in singapore, and wanted to meet up with everyone for dinner. prior to that night, i haven't seen him for something like...4 years, when he came back for a few months in 2006 to finish serving his NS. right now, he's based in australia, where he works as an anaesthesiologist (wow, i spelled that right the first time round!). the dinner was also when i met his wife for the first time. she's pretty nice, and works as an oncologist. from the looks of it, their kids will both be very smart, and have pretty high expectations to live up to. that aside, it was also nice to catch up with the maternal side of the family. once again, the age gap between my cousins and i was made quite apparent, considering that practically everyone at the table (except me) was above 30 years old. most of their inside jokes and references flew right over my head (hence why they're called inside jokes, i suppose). luckily, they were nice enough to include me in the conversation and try to identify with some of the things that i grew up with. apparently, WWE transcends generations. it makes me wonder, though...will a similar scenario repeat itself, 10 years later? granted that i don't have younger cousins, so it won't be exactly the same. i can just imagine myself talking to my cousins (the ones closer to me in age), and trying to explain some of our inside jokes to their kids. the thought is kind of fascinating, but the thought of them having kids does kind of creep me out at the same time. guess i'll find out for sure in the future.

yesterday was pretty bleh. an old boy's father passed away, so we went to attend the wake. there's not much i really need (or want) to mention about the wake itself, so i'll say nothing further. one interesting topic did come up in conversation, though. for the alumni group, we generally address the seniors as "da-ge", or "older brother". the problem is, how do we address their wives? calling them by name is kind of out of place, especially when some of them are close to (or even over) thrice my age. "auntie" sounds weird, considering what we call their husbands. although "da-sao" is technically the correct term to use in this context, it's still odd because we're not at that level of familiarity yet. should the need arise, i'll probably settle for the generic (and very neutral) "excuse me", unless given permission to use other forms of address.

throughout all that activity, i've also been actively bidding for my modules. as of now, 4 modules have been secured, with one more to go. sadly, the "one more to go" is one of my core modules. from the looks of things, i won't be getting analytical this semester. CORS tells me that i have to bid for it in a future round, but at the same time, it also tells me that it won't be available for bidding any more. quite confusing, not to mention annoying. what's worse, the CORS helpdesk people have apparently decided to take a day off, since my calls to find out exactly what's going on have been met with the answering machine. it's not the end of the world, i guess, since i can still go for physical (they have like 4 vacancies left). but if i had a choice (and i'm really hoping that i still do), i'd want to take analytical this semester, because if i take physical, i'd have an 8-hour free period on tuesdays. that means that i would have to find some way to occupy myself for EIGHT HOURS!!! as it is, two-hour free periods are already leaving me with too much free time. maybe i should hole myself up in the library in that time...or not. as you can see, that's why i want analytical over physical. if i got analytical, i'd only have 1 class on tuesday, from 6:00pm to 8:00pm. yes, the plan to get tuesday lab classes failed spectacularly, because none of the modules offer tuesday lab slots. i wouldn't mind taking physical if i had a tuesday lab, but i don't, so i do mind. mmm...stewing over it isn't really going to help. i'll see how things go when the next (and last) round of bidding starts.

as for things that are going to happen in the future, we have the standard weekend routine, with one slight deviation. school is starting next week(!), so i'll head down to the library on sunday between tuition sessions to print my notes. other than that, life looks pretty normal...as normal as it gets with going back to school in the near future, anyway.

-random thought of the day: I like receiving handwritten notes/messages!-