Having other pressing stuff floating around in your head is a great distraction from your distractions. make sense?

anyway, that statement is quite true, because my emoness has been put on backburner in order for coaching matters to take precedence. speaking of which, we just had selections for the new primary 3 kids today. my boss told me to prepare a checklist that we would use to assess them. optimally, they should be quiet and serious while being assessed. but, as you've probably guessed, nature tends to chuck a wrench into plans, even (or maybe especially) the best laid ones. to call the evaluation "chaotic" would be just about right. i swear, kids running all around the country and yelling at the tops of their voices do not a pleasant session make. more than once, i found myself wishing that i could be as violent to them as i am to my tuition kids. that would teach them, really quickly, not to piss the normally nice and friendly-looking coach off. but, due to professionalism standards (not to mention child abuse laws), i'm not going to do that anytime soon. doesn't stop me from wishing and visualizing, though.

like i said before, the selection wasn't as ideal as we had envisioned. neither were the results. initially, my boss told me there would be 46 kids, and he would probably pick 10 to join the CCA. ends up that there were 36 of them, and he has his eye on TWO people so far, and will most likely choose 6 people in all. as for me, i'd rather they all take a long walk off a short cliff...but seriously, the coach in me says i'll only recommend about 5 kids. the rest can go fly kite. they're too immature to take it seriously. but i can't blame them either. after all, they still have single-digit ages. restricting the membership is good i guess, that way, i won't have to handle that many primary 3s. yay!

in order to give the kids a good first impression, my boss made me go for a haircut yesterday. thankfully, he was understanding enough to let me leave the back part longer. that's why i didn't really put up much of a fight. besides, i thought it was about time to get the sides trimmed too. only thing is, i think i had a blind moment and told the barber to take off a little more than necessary. as a result, my sides are a little too short, compared to the rest of it. and i think the right side's shorter than the left. nothing permanently disfiguring - it WILL grow back, after all - but i still can't help feeling a little self-conscious. oh well. nothing a few weeks won't change.

tomorrow's going to be an...interesting day, for lack of a better term. the way i see it, it could go either very well, or very horribly. odds are 2.5:97.5, in that order. there is a third outcome, which is neutral if i don't do anything. that would end up as bad though, because i would then emo for another goodness-knows-how-long. so, i've decided to do something definite about it tomorrow. here's hoping the courage to see my plan through won't leave me.

-random thought of the day:
-

First of all, let me start this post by apologizing to any readers. i honestly thought that i had seen the last of my emo-ness, but something triggered a new wave of it today. so, bear with me as i blog about it, or press the "X" button. it's a free internet.

despite my (self-proclaimed) brilliance in science and some other academic things, i'm below average when it comes to expressing my emotions. deeper emotions, that is. guess we can't all be good at everything, huh? i mean - i'm fine with "i'm happy", "i'm sad", '&*#% you!" and similar expressions, but there are some things which aren't as easy to say, you know? and that sucks, because other people will misunderstand you with shocking ease when you can't express yourself exactly how you would like to. but why does this mental block even exist in the first place? i honestly don't know. when i was in secondary school, one of my aunts mentioned that i might be mildly autistic. after growing up enough to be curious about it, i went to do my reading up, and found that she may be right. after all, there's the emotional stuntedness thing, and the (slightly) smarter than normal thing. luckily though, it's not severe enough to warrant medical attention. i'm not obsessed with order and repetition...quite the contrary, in fact! so, i suppose i'll be living with this...deficiency. not like that's not what i've been doing, anyway.

as i was walking home just now, i was trying to reason out my most recent emotional conflict (reasoning it out with myself, as i am prone to doing). to sidetrack to pirates of the caribbean for a bit, it's emotional things like these that make me see why davy jones would cut his heart out and lock it away. anyway, i won't go into that many details here, but an interesting thought crossed my mind. what if i embraced vulcan philosophy instead? pause for a brief star trek background lesson: vulcan philosophy basically states logic good, emotion bad. so, what if i got rid of all of my emotions, and based my life purely around logic? for sure it would be a less painful alternative than digging my heart out. if i did do that (the vulcan thing, not the heart thing), i wouldn't take my best friend up for tuition because i couldn't guarantee that he would get an A. even though his failing would mean that he's kicked out of school, i don't want my good track record to be tarnished. or how about something with more lasting effects - i'll marry a certain person not because i love them, but because it would benefit both families, financially or otherwise. of course, both of the scenarios are purely hypothetical (though i'm sure the second one is more common than i think it is)...but what if? as i look at it now, losing all the negative emotions would be great - no more sadness, anger, fear, doubt...you get the idea. but on the flipside, all positive emotions would go right along with them. how would it be like if there was no more happiness, hope, or satisfaction? is it a worthwhile trade? personally, i'd say it might be. MIGHT. then again, i can't imagine life without any emotion, so my verdict could be messed up. of course, my emotional state right now isn't the most neutral, so that probably skews my perception too. guess this will remain a thought experiment...unless people suddenly find a (safe and reversible) way to erase emotions.

incidentally, this particular emotional conflict reminded me what a sucky professional i am. there's that old adage - do not mix business with pleasure. generally, that's sound advice. but what if the two realms overlap, as they do for me now? let's say (hypothetically once again) that my company is sub-contracting a project to my best friend's company. throughout the duration of the contract, i'll have to meet up with him a lot for project meetings and one-on-one discussions. normally, that would be fine, since we're best friends and all. but what if my best friend and me i (proper grammar!) had a major disagreement - which may not necessarily be work-related - after the contract was signed? speaking from a strictly professional point of view, it doesn't matter what we do in our own time, as long as we can still function effectively during working hours. but i know that my tendency is to ignore people that i have fallen out with. so, i could terminate the contract, probably at some loss to my company. but what if his company is the best choice? should i settle for second-best? or what if his company is the ONLY company that can do the job? i suppose i could delegate the project to someone else, but what if i'm the only one qualified to handle it? as you can see, i'm trying to trap myself here. eventually, i suppose that i'll have to suck it up and work with him, though i don't think it would be pleasant. on the other extreme, who knows? maybe spending time with each other could mend the rift. that is if i can suppress my ego(?)/instinct and talk to him in the first place.

somehow, i get the feeling that the problem lies with me. i'm probably making too big a deal out of this, and killing too many innocent brain cells in the process. long story short, i guess i'm the root of all my problems. in a couple of years' time, i'll probably look back on all of this and laugh; after all, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and this definitely won't kill me. but right now, i just wish this entire thing never even existed. even though i've been tired out by judo, i don't think sleep will come easily tonight.

ok...that's enough delving into my brain. now, to continue what i wanted to say in yesterday's post. most of it will still not be about happy stuff, but if you've read this far already, you're probably already prepared for that.

regarding lab yesterday, most of it was good. there was one small negative thing which i thought would fit better in here than in the last post. remember i said that i took time off from lab to go for the biochem lecture? well, when i came back, i saw the person next to me using my lab space to do her stuff. if you know me as well as i think you do by now, then you should know that "invasion of working space" is one of the top items on my "things i hate" list. as least she apologized and cleared her stuff away quickly, and my own experimental set-up was unharmed. not a very good first impression to give someone, eh? i think i won't be interacting much (if at all) with her. hopefully the experiments are all individual-based.

i'm grateful that singapore has outlawed the practice of allowing civilians to carry firearms. if i had a gun on me at all times, at least a couple of hundred people would have been dead by now. reason for their deaths: being an idiot on board public transport. why can't these people think of the greater picture? sure, a spot by the train doors makes for fast alighting, but what about the people who still want to get on the train? it's not like there's no space...the centre of the compartment looks relatively unpopulated. i swear, public transport really takes any good mood i might have accumulated that day, and turns it upside-down. i've found myself wishing for a car on multiple occasions. i figure that if i have to go to school, i might as well do it in relative comfort. furthermore, i can't blame anyone but myself for a less-than-smooth journey. speaking of which, i got a chance to drive to school today. the drive confirmed my theory - i really do need to drive regularly to maintain my skills (what little of them are present, anyway). the trip was a little...jerky, partially due to the traffic and partially due to my less-than-stellar driving. luckily i managed to get to the lecture on time, though.

umm...yes. that's all i think i want to say right now. even though i'm probably still confused, i think i'm less confused now than i was when i started this post. maybe i just need someone to smack me upside the head or something. or maybe i should go destroy something. yes...destroying something sounds quite appealing now.

---------------
Brief update
---------------

my dad was digging through the drawers where we keep old family stuff. he found a letter written by HIS dad (aka. my paternal grandfather) some 19+ years ago. from what i can understand, my grandparents were in china to visit the ancestral home at that time, hence the need for a letter. being all of 2 years old when it happened, i naturally don't remember a thing about them going on such a trip.

anyway, back to the letter. as you know, my grandfather wrote it (grandmother was illiterate, so she left the writing to her husband). seeing his handwriting brought back many memories. back when i was in primary school and didn't have an enormous workload, i used to watch my grandfather practise calligraphy every afternoon. it was almost like clockwork - he'd have lunch, take a short nap, then get up at 2:00pm, set up his supplies, and start writing for about 2 hours. unfortunately, i never studied chinese to a high-enough level to understand exactly WHAT he wrote. all i remember was that he had several projects. one of them involved copying text from a book, while another was something like a family registry, where all his children's, grandchildren's, and great-grandchildren's details were recorded. he even left space for future spouses! being a naturally inquisitive kid, i tried my hand at it a couple of times too. sadly, i didn't (and still don't) have much talent for calligraphy.

unfortunately, my grandfather has passed on (it happened before i started blogging, so there isn't a record of it here), and that letter is one of the not-exactly-many things we have to remember him by. i guess i miss him (well, both paternal grandparents) more than i thought i did, because i started tearing up soon after i was done reading it. while i do think it was a good thing that my dad found the letter and showed it to me, i think it happened on a slightly bad day. to revise my diagnosis, i think i'm suffering from emotional overload today. and as un-manly as it sounds, i think i need a cry right now.

-random thought of the day: Philosophy makes my brain explode.-

Something great happened today. i rediscovered my love for chem. come to think it it, i haven't felt this way in...a really really long time. i mean, it's one thing to do something because you're good at it, but it's different when you do something because you like it. confusing much? but yes, this past few months i've been at NUS, i've been studying chem because i understood the subject pretty well, and the new content wasn't all that tough (except for physical chem, that is). but after today, i suddenly feel so much more motivated than before.

oddly (or perhaps appropriately) enough, it happened during the organic chem lab session. for some reason, the lab tech knew my name! not that it's that big a deal, considering that he knows practically everyone. anyway, i think that lab is really going to pull me up this semester, for the simple reason that i seem to be really good at it. i took about 2 hours off to attend the biochem lecture, and still managed to finish only a little later than those who skipped the lecture entirely. even then, my results were pretty good (at least i think they are). my crystals looked...crystalline, and the colour tallied with the given melting point range, so i don't think i'm too far off.

you know, i don't think i'd mind making a career of lab work. i feel pretty at home in a lab. one of today's TAs even commented that i looked pretty experienced, since i didn't really ask all that many questions and still got most things done right. to be honest, it's not so much because i'm zai or anything (though i'd like to believe that!), it's more because the lab manual was pretty self-explanatory. not that many questionable points to raise. my TA was even kind enough to prepare a powerpoint on various lab skills that we would have to apply. so, it was kind of brainless to follow instructions...though i still messed up a little here and there. fortunately, the errors were small enough to recover easily from. guess it's true what they say - in any given lab session, 30% of the allocated time is for doing actual work. the other 70% is catered for you to screw up. i can spot only 2 potential deterrents to the lab-career thing: lab reports, and missed mealtimes. the second is easily overcome, since lab work tends to make me forget about meals anyway. worst case is i bring lunch back to the lab. as for lab reports, i'd much rather mark them than do them. but if i don't do my fair share, i won't be able to mark future students' stuff. karma at work again.

wonderful lab session aside, other lessons also appear to be becoming more interesting. my inorganic chem professor finally asked me a question in lecture! luckily i got it right. to be honest, my original answer to the question was totally different, but after he called me, something kicked in and made me change my answer. instinct, i guess. biochem and freshman seminar are the same as usual, not much effort needed (yet). i'm kind of worried for the group project in freshman seminar, considering that my group consists of left-over people thrown together. but i figure we'll make things work. after all, group presentation isn't for another 8 weeks at least.

i do want to blog about other things, but they can probably wait for a bit. i'm feeling a little out of it at the moment. lab is more tiring than i'd remembered.

-random thought of the day: Boiling chips are essential!-

If my previous few posts are anything to go by, i seem to be stuck in a rut. all i seem to be blogging about is my schedule, injury, updates to the schedule, newer injuries...you get the idea. to be honest, i don't really see how this post is going to be any different. but i'll try to keep the boring stuff short.

ok. just to (very very) briefly touch on those 2 topics. my schedule's finalized. it's not my ideal schedule, but things have slotted themselves into reasonably ok places. i'll finish school pretty early on most days, except when there's lab. that's good, as i can use my afternoons for more productive stuff.

as for injuries, my sprained foot is getting better, though it still hurts when i bend it in a certain way. hopefully the swelling's gone down to the point where my shoes will actually fit again. that's going to be important for lab this coming tuesday. the blister is mostly healed, and walking on it doesn't hurt any more. aside from that, today's training session gave me a couple of abrasions, and there's a nerve or something in my right hand that got messed up. thankfully, the knee didn't pop this time. i think it's because i used 2 different types of knee guard on the same knee. i'll probably continue that practice, seeing as it's been effective so far. hopefully that'll put an end to my knee-related problems. must remember not to tighten the guards too much though; that could cut off circulation to the lower leg, as i briefly experienced today.

now, to blog about some other stuff - namely tuition, coaching and school. i'm still only seeing one of my two tuition kids, because the other one hasn't started school yet. so far, tuition has been good. i'm happy with the kid, and (i would like to think that) he's happy with the job i'm doing. long story short, there haven't been any complaints from either side, and that's a good thing.

coaching was supposed to start yesterday, but apparently, there were some issues. so, we're due to start this coming friday. latest information is that the first session is a trial/selection of sorts, and there'll be about 60 kids coming, most of them P3s. happy happy joy joy. i have a week (well, 6 days) to develop a poker face, so that i can appear professional and un-bullyable in front of them, without appearing overly-strict and unapproachable at the same time. as you can probably guess, this needs some delicate balancing. and i'll also have to time my departure from school, so that i don't end up being late for the very first session.

lastly, now that most of the administrative/registration stuff is out of the way, school will be kicking into full swing. i'm due to have my first organic chem lab this coming tuesday. i'm excited, yet a little nervous. last semester's labs were mainly repeats of secondary school/JC stuff - you know, titration, mixing stuff together, watching boiling points. this time, we actually get to synthesize stuff! yes, i know that there will still be a lot of mixing and boiling, but it's different, somehow. guess it's because we have to work fast and be precise at the same time...sort of like cooking, come to think of it. at any rate, i'm hoping that everything goes smoothly.

all right...i'm going to call it a night here. like i was telling one of my tuition kids earlier, he has to normalize his sleeping times because school will be starting soon for him. i figure i should take my own advice and sleep early (earlier than normal, anyway), too. not to mention that i have tuition tomorrow morning.

-random thought of the day: Saturday training is good!-

The irony of me blogging about (mostly) unhappy stuff on my 888th post (that's this post, by the way) hasn't escaped me. and now that you've read that last sentence, it won't escape you either! but seriously though, i had a negative emotion attack earlier today, and worst thing is, i don't know what could have possibly caused it. prior to this, the last time something like that happen to me was probably during last semester's final exams. back then, it was understandable, since there was all that stress and tension hanging in the air. but what could it be due to now? it's the second week of school, things are pretty relaxed, so i don't see why this is happening. perhaps i should take some time to examine my current (emotional) condition...

to start off, let's identify exactly what feelings are involved here. there's anger, frustration, resentment, annoyance, regret, sadness, low self-esteem and one more feeling i can't describe in one word. the closest i can come to describing that last one is that it's like i'm reading my own thoughts in third person, and thinking about what an idiot i must be for even thinking that way in the first place. once again, my rational scientist and unrealistic optimist sides are clashing. i seriously wonder if any idealistic scientists (or artsy people who are forced into doing something scientific, for that matter) face this sort of conflict.

now, to match those negative emotions to possible causes. some of the causes include, but are not limited to, not getting my ideal organic chem tutorial slot, getting (more) injured at training, some money matters, and an issue of personal perspective. there are one or two other things, but those shall remain unposted (on this blog at least).

having identified the causes of the problems, let's now see why they've caused me to feel this way, and how we can resolve them. my current chem tutorial slot is not bad, but i have the freshman seminar immediately after that. if possible, i'd like to give myself an hour of breathing room to do stuff which i may have forgotten. i think the reason this one pisses me off so much is because it's the one and only monkey wrench in my schedule. apparently, many many people were camping at the IVLE site this morning, and they slowed down the server when the groups opened for registration...so much so that i got lagged out of the site and could only register 10 minutes later. ok, i'll admit i did it too, but was there really a choice? i really wish the chem people would be normal and do tutorial stuff through CORS. that way, i'd be a little more appeased if i didn't get my ideal slot. as for how to solve this, i plan on talking with the organic chem tutor to see if he'll allow me to go for the earlier class. at least it's on the same day, so it doesn't look like i'm asking for something astronomically difficult. i should think my chances are pretty good for this one.

national team training is (well, was,) fun! but hell of a tiring too. you know it's going to be a good training session when the first hour is spent on games and stretching to get you properly warmed up. just to clarify, i'm NOT on the national team. it's just that CJC was training with them, and there's a sort of open invitation for seniors to come down and train as well. now that that's settled, back to the topic. throughout the training session, i sustained a sprained last right toe, and a pretty big blister on the sole of my right foot. not to mention my knee popped again. i know i've said that i'll probably have to live with it, but i do have this odd feeling that i should at least have a doctor look at it. something is out of place there...but that's old news. right now, my focus is on the 2 newest injuries. thankfully, both of them are healing up nicely, and i should be able to shake them off by tomorrow night. hopefully, they'll have healed up latest by wednesday morning, so i'll be good to go for training in the afternoon.

this sort of links to the self-esteem thing as well. now, i'm not deluded enough to think that i can match up to national team players. but i DO think that the skill and fitness gap between me and them should be narrower than what it currently is...and therein lies the issue. on one hand, i really do want to get my act together and train hard, but on the other hand, it's just so...troublesome. first, you have to motivate yourself to get out of the house. then, there's the journey down to the training venue. of course, there's the training itself. it's fine if there are a lot of people and you enjoy yourself, but there are times when you wonder whether it was worth it to go down or not. after that, there's the journey home, not to mention the laundry and other assorted tasks which must be done after such exercise. actually, the toughest part is the "before" phase. one you can convince yourself to change and step out of the house, the rest will fall into place. too bad i'm not easily motivated, as far as exercise is concerned. i still stand by my theory, that it is difficult to be motivated for something that does not provide instant gratification/results. i guess i should start making subtle commitments to my friends, like, "see you next training," or something similar. that way, there'd be a moral obligation to go. yes...i have to use peer pressure to my advantage.

money is something i've mentioned in the last post, so i won't really talk that much about it. basically, my wallet is sporting a new $500 hole. hopefully the money will be worth it this time. from what i've seen (and experienced) though, investing in star trek online shouldn't be a bad decision. i just need to give more tuition and coaching to make the money back. of course, hoping that my relatives are feeling extra generous this CNY never hurt either. speaking of coaching, i'm still waiting on my last paycheck from the sports school. i think i'll talk to my boss about it if it doesn't arrive by the end of the month.

ok...now, the last thing about personal perspective. i've met a particular senior a couple of times in NUS, and we know some mutual friends. by the power of word of mouth, the idea that i dress kind of inappropriately for school has spread around the little circle. normally, these kind of things don't bother me. but one of my friends MSNed me to tell me about it, and his argument was a little too...superficial for my liking. basically, he reasoned this - i should dress more formally so that people won't have a negative first impression, and will be more receptive to what i have to say. also, i should take my cue from the majority of the students around me and dress to a similar level as they do.

as much as i hate to admit it, he's right in at least one aspect. people do judge others based on appearances. but i figure all that stuff about dressing to impress can wait until i'm working. after all, i'm in university! who do i have to impress? professors? fellow students? honestly, i don't really care if people judge me based on appearance. like i've mentioned before, anyone who does that is probably not worth my friendship. if he happens to be a potential employer or hold something above me, then i'll have to suck it up and play dress-up. but as long as we're on equal footing, my earlier statement stands. i don't believe the ENTIRE student body of NUS is made up of such superficial people. but i'll say this as well...there IS a minimum standard...but it's subjective. personally, i won't dress in a singlet and short shorts. after all, i don't have much to show off. ok...to spare your brains from any unwanted mental images, i'll just say this in closing. this whole attire thing is pointless and stupid. if the school/students cared so much, a dress code would have been implemented ages ago. i don't see anything wrong with the way i dress, and i'm going to continue in a similar fashion (pun!) unless an official notice is sent to me.

well, i think that's it for my negativity. to be fair (and in view of my new year's resolution), i did find stuff to be happy about today. it's just that the stuff to be not-happy about sort of outweighed the happy stuff. looks like i need to search for more happy stuff, or happier stuff, or both. at any rate, i think the clouds have cleared up. here's hoping tomorrow's a better day!

-random thought of the day: Bedtime!-

Week one of school has ended, but that's not saying much. i think i wouldn't really have missed out on anything if i had chosen to take this week off from school as well. after all, the chem lecturers spent their time telling us all about atomic orbitals and how to fill them (as if we didn't know that already!), while we heard all about pH and buffers in biochem (once again, as if we didn't know that already!). perhaps the only new thing i had to hear was about philosophy. right now, everything's still kind of a blur, as far as the module's concerned, but i reckon the fog will clear up in due time, and with more lectures.

*i'm going to blather on about schedules (AGAIN) for a bit, so feel free to skip the next few blocks of text if you don't want to know what exactly is going on in my oh-so exciting (sense the sarcasm?) university life.*

after a trial run of my timetable, i think the schedule will be manageable. of course, this is before labs and tutorials come into the picture, but in general, things should still be ok even with them around. currently, i'm finding things way too slack, so everything should balance out nicely once the workload increases. i just wonder whether i should switch my biochem lab from wednesdays to tuesdays. on one hand, that would free up three wednesdays for judo training, but on the other hand, there will be one week where i will have organic chem lab, followed almost immediately by biochem lab. so, it boils down to this: is it more worth it to go for 3 training sessions, or to ensure that there won't be a clash in my lab timings? then again, i may not even have the opportunity to switch. have to see how things go.

this week has shown me that i have almost no problem getting up and being on time for my early-morning classes. ironically, it's the mid-morning ones (10:00am to 12:00pm) that are giving problems. when those are my first classes of the day, my alarm is set for 7:30am. for some reason, i'll sleep in until like 8:45 or so, until i realize i'm running late. luckily, my dad has been on hand to provide emergency transport for both of the times when it has occurred. maybe it's because i don't feel as bad asking for a lift at 9:00+am as compared to at 6:00+ or 7:00+. after all, he's supposed to be up and about by then. anyway, i have got to shake that habit. must remember my new year's resolution of attending all lectures.

as for tutorial registrations, i think i will end up camping at home this coming monday morning to secure my preferred chem tutorial times. i have also thought about bringing my macbook to school and refreshing like hell in the middle of lecture, but i think that that's kind of inconvenient, not to mention potentially disruptive. so, yes. camping at home on monday is probably the best way to go...unless the selection opens on sunday. philosophy tutorial is going to be assigned on a balloting basis, so it's not first-come-first-served like the chem ones. that means i can submit my option a little later with no ill effect.

just a side-thought about my schedule - it seems like i'll be attending 2 judo training sessions in a week (or even 4 if i feel crazy enough to join in with NUS...doubt it though). i wonder...will my gis wash and dry in time for all the training sessions? come to think of it, it's not that difficult, considering that the days which i will be able to make it for for CJC/SJI training are wednesday and saturday, and those are nicely spaced apart. but if i choose to go for NUS judo as well, that'll become monday, wednesday, thursday and saturday. that's where the killer is. perhaps i should get more gis if i plan on doing that. or not...for reasons which you will see later. at any rate, i'm kind of disinclined to join NUS now, for fear of triggering some potentially sensitive situations. looks like NUS can wait until march or so.

*ok, i'm done with schedule-related matters. you can pay attention again now.*

sometimes, you take the simplest things for granted. i know i've blogged about this sort of reflective stuff before, but i won't be going as deep as i did last time. in this instance, the "thing" i'm referring to is the full use of my fingers. thanks to one of the exercises we did on wednesday's training (which involved some fast slapping of your own hands and feet), i now have a slightly sprained right ring finger. think it contacted my heel when i was too tired to pay attention. but i think it'll heal in time for training tomorrow. back to the topic, i never realized i used that finger for so much stuff! like typing, holding things, and various tiny little actions that i normally don't attach a second thought to. well, now there's a tiny little stretching feeling to remind me. hopefully it heals soon. sprained finger aside, training has also given me a short-circuited left ring finger (i can't feel properly...probably a minor nerve thing), as well as a slightly out-of-place left foot bone. at this point, none of these minor injuries surprise me any more. i can just imagine my 16-year old self laughing at the prospect of getting such injuries. well, here we are, five years later. funny how that turned out, eh?

one recent incident that kind of stands out involves one of my ex-cat high bowling juniors. apparently, he's been doing some borrowing without asking...from my boss (who was his coach as well), no less. what's worse is, he's been making excuses and stuff, and generally acting as though he's not in the wrong. being from the same school as him, i can't help but feel ashamed, and extremely annoyed/indignant at the same time. i know cat high provides a better education than that. fortunately for all of us, my boss is an old boy as well, so there's extra tolerance (not to mention less face-loss) here. but take it from me, this junior won't be receiving help from us anytime soon, if ever any more. he's pushed it too far with this stunt. of course, this condemnation is not based on this incident alone. there have been some other minor things in the past (like him asking me to lie to his parents for him - something which i refused to do). oh well. no point wasting feelings and brain cells over this matter.

last thing to blog about before i call it a post. this last thing's about money, or rather, the lack of it. don't get me wrong, i'm not broke or anything. on the contrary, there's still a decent sum (by university-student standards) in the bank. but not all of my money is meant for spending...as it is, my balance is dangerously close to the bare minimum sum i have to have in there. "what caused this?" you may ask. well, my savings account has taken quite a big hit following my pre-order of star trek online and my upcoming plan of getting the lifetime subscription package. the estimated total damage is $500, but that's a one-time bomb. beyond 16 months, it will end up being cost-saving for me, as compared if i bought monthly subscriptions for the same amount of time. here's hoping that the game lasts at least that long. arrgh. coaching and/or tuition had better start soon. i need to patch up that gaping hole ASAP.

-random thought of the day: Am I prepared to give JC tuition?-

Going to school today felt kind of bo-liao. i only had one lecture, and it was webcast, so there really wasn't much point. but it did have its benefits, mainly to get me out of the house. once that initial inertia is overcome, it becomes easier to convince myself to do other things...like to go for training, for instance.

my schedule has more or less firmed up, with the last variable being philosophy tutorials. turns out that all biochem tutorials are mass "lectorials", so there's no worry of it occupying an additional timeslot in my schedule. hopefully philosophy tutorials are set for some convenient time, like thursday afternoons. that would be the best-case scenario. not going to worry about that until next monday, when i can see the timeslots which are available.

looking at my current schedule, things have miraculously fallen into place. here's the breakdown of my expected weekly routine: my heaviest day is monday, but the classes are nicely spaced out. not only that, i have the option of going for an evening run after all my classes end. tuesday's lab day, so i don't think i'll be doing any running (except for the weeks that i don't have lab). wednesday's ridiculously short, and i can head back to CJC to join in for training. i'll be doing that later, by the way. i expect that i'll go for most wednesday training, unless i have biochem lab or the school takes a break. thursday's classes are packed into the morning, and that frees up the afternoons to work on my lab reports and/or tutorials. if i stay in school long enough, i can even join in for NUS judo training sessions in the evenings. friday afternoons are freed up from school as well, but that's set aside for coaching. saturdays are for catching up on any missed work, and if i'm on top of things, i can even go for judo training. lastly, sunday is for tuition. seeing as i only have 2 confirmed tuition kids, i think i can take it easy (for now). all in all, i think it's going to be quite a productive semester...provided the plans are set into action, that is. after all, plans which remain on paper aren't good for much, are they?

ok...i think i've done enough talking for now. it's almost time for me to leave home and head to CJC, anyway. see you all!

-random thought of the day: One A2 and two B3s. I think I could have done better.-

Oddly enough, today didn't feel like the first day of a brand-new semester. there wasn't any back-to-school excitement or similar stuff like that. it just felt like a normal school day. i'm guessing that it's because the morning commute to school kind of sucked the excitement away. i mean, how excited can you be after experiencing inconsiderate behaviour on the train and bus?

moving on to happier topics, i met 3 of my 5 lecturers today. the organic chem lecturer is rather auntie-ish, but she controls the class well (surprisingly enough). i think i'm going to like her as a lecturer, and not just because everyone shuts up when she teaches. as for the module content, today was spent doing brainless sec 4 and JC stuff. i'm sure it'll pick up soon, but i couldn't help but be bored to tears for today.

true to rumour, the inorganic professor went around asking questions. so far, only the students in the front row have fallen victim. i really like his style! take this scenario: someone in the back asks him to speak louder. his answer, "why don't you come closer to the front?" i think if i ever become a professor, my style will be similar to his, except i'll be a bit more fierce. i'm actually kind of hoping that he'll ask me a question soon. the thing that surprises me, though, is that he's from hong kong. i was under the impression that he was singaporean. similar to organic chem, the first lecture was also focusing more on fun/brainless stuff than on actual learning. i'm sure things will start picking up soon for both modules.

the third lecturer i met today is my freshman seminar one. he's from china, but his english isn't totally sucky. interestingly enough, he asked us to address him by his first name. that's both kind of weird, and kind of cool at the same time. my chinese school background doesn't seem to agree with it, so i guess my sense of propriety will compel me to call him by title...unless/until i get more familiar with him. anyway, we had to pick articles to do a review on. i picked one wikipedia article about symmetry in physics. looking at it, i'm kind of starting to wonder if i made the right choice. i originally wanted the symmetry in chaos one, but someone else got to it first. oh well. at least i get to watch about 8 presentations before i have to give mine. that way, i'll know what to expect before i give my presentation. the lecturer said that the article i chose is one of the tougher ones, but i figure my physics and chem backgrounds will see me through.

i already know what my biochem lecturer is like, so i know i'm in good hands. the one that intrigues me the most is my philosophy/reason lecturer. all i know is that he's american, and that he draws pretty well. i am seriously looking forward to wednesday's lecture, despite the promise of a term paper.

o-level results came out today! i know i received my own results 5 years ago (it's been THAT long!!? damn, i'm old.), but i still couldn't help but feel nervous, due to my tuition kids. they performed...reasonably, i suppose. out of 3 kids, i know there's one A2 and one B3. not sure about the last one (though i'm suspecting a B3 too). these grades do not match my personal expectations for them, but if the kids are happy, so am i...i guess.

also, all of my siblings have finished secondary education (once again, the 'old' feeling kicks in)! i don't know how i should feel about being the one that (still) has the lowest L1R5. i'm happy because none of my siblings have managed to beat my score, but i'm also sad, for that very same reason! dilemma dilemma. in the end, i figure that i should feel neutral about this, as long as their scores allow them to go where they want to.

ok...it looks like i can more or less confirm my schedule. coaching is 99% set for friday, so no worries there. my labs will be set for tuesday, and the nice organic chem lab coordinator has made arrangements for us to attend the biochem lecture in the middle of the lab session. my biochem lab is on wednesday, and it doesn't clash with anything. i've planned for my chem tutorials to be on mondays, from 2:00pm to 3:00pm. the only variables left are the philosophy and biochem tutorials. there still hasn't been any word on their times yet, but i figure the lecturers will talk more about them when we actually meet. so, i'm not going to worry about it that much yet. as it looks right now, most of my wednesday afternoons will be free. looks like i may be able to fit some judo in there after all.

tomorrow is an unbelievably slack day. i only have ONE lecture! but that's only because the labs and tutorials haven't started up yet. by sheer coincidence, tomorrow's also CJC's open house. i can use the free afternoon to go visit the school and browse around the exhibits. maybe throw around a junior or two under the guise of being a prospective sec 4/J1. not like they'll believe me, but there's no harm in giving it a try, yes?

-random thought of the day: I'd forgotten how sleepy I can get in school...-

Logging in to IVLE and seeing new lecture notes is a sure sign that school is about to begin. from my brief browsing of the notes, inorganic chem looks fun. my friend tells me that the lecturer is one of those interactive types of people, and he'll ask people questions. all i have to say to that is, "bring it on!". i think i'll enjoy this module.

on the other hand, organic chem didn't really make a very good first impression. the lecture notes were uploaded in random order, and there are no notes for the first lecture. well, if that's not rectified by tomorrow night, i'm just going to print lecture 2's notes (since that's the lowest number available) and hope for the best. maybe the lecturer intended it that way?

joining organic chem in the "potential killer" category is philosophy. the notes are LONG and WORDY. it's kind of difficult to wrap your head around some of the stuff they're saying, too. lucky i'm not that badly affected. there are plenty of cartoons/pictures thrown in also, so it sort of lessens the impact even more. still, i'm grateful that i enjoy reading.

on the third hand(?), biochem looks...neutral. kind of like general bio last semester. but that's expected, considering it's the same professor (a fact for which i'm extremely grateful). if past experience is anything to go by, this module will be enjoyable. i was going to say "easy" at first, but realized that may not be the best/most appropriate word to use. after all, an A- in general bio doesn't guarantee a similar grade here (i'm keeping my fingers crossed, though...in case it does).

and speaking of fingers, mine are feeling terribly abused now. reason for that is judo training, which i went for this morning. de-training is a really bad thing. it's what happens when you lay off a sport/activity for a while. in simple english, i guess you could call it "getting rusty". well, as a result of the de-training process, my forearms are sore, i have a couple of abrasions on my thumbs, as well as some more minor ones on a few other fingers. nothing that time won't heal. what does concern me more, though, is about the state of my fitness. i'm tiring out more easily, and there's a minor psycho-motor/coordination issue. not to mention my knee popped AGAIN. thankfully though, it felt weird for less than a minute this time round. guess i'll be living with it, since normal treatment doesn't work, and i don't think it's serious enough to warrant surgery. at least i know the circumstances where i can expect it to pop, so i can do my best to prevent it from happening.

as i was saying (before i got sidetracked by the knee thing), i'm quite appalled at the state of my fitness. i'll be making arrangements with my friend to go for evening runs around campus. keeps us fit, and by the time we're done, there shouldn't be any traffic to get stuck in! all the more reason to see this plan through. i just worry that the first few sessions will be tough, but hey - no pain, no gain, right?

i also managed to confirm one new tuition kid. well, not really new. perhaps i should say that he's a returning student (i taught him in sec 4, and he wants to carry on in JC). i know that teachers/tutors aren't supposed to be biased, but i'd be lying if i said i didn't have favourites. this particular boy happens to be my favourite sec 4 kid (as of last year) because he catches concepts pretty quickly and is hardworking to boot. sounds like the ideal student, eh? the fact that he has really nice handwriting (by male standards, that is) is just an added bonus. hopefully his attitude (and handwriting!) continues into JC. that brings my total tally of regular students to 2. there's another guy who i'm seeing on an as-required basis, so i'm not including him in the count. optimally, i'd like one more student (or two, if they both live close together) because right now, my sunday looks a little empty. and emptiness is inversely proportional to income.

coaching matters are still giving some headache. up till now, the training days and times have not been finalized yet! and they're supposed to start in 2 weeks' time at the latest. what's worse is that i have to start inserting lab and tutorial periods into my university timetable. my boss' advice for the moment is to keep both wednesday and friday afternoons free, but that's kind of unrealistic. as it is, the existing solid block of 10:00am to 12:00pm classes means that i'll be missing some lecture or lab time (since i can't be in both lecture and lab at the same time), and that doesn't really help matters. looks like i have to bug him for a definite answer, and the sooner the better. the impression i'm getting now is that wednesday is the less likely of the two, so if there is really no news, i'll schedule my biochem lab for wednesday. worst case resulting from that decision is i miss 3 training sessions. being a newly qualified coach, i'm at the lowest rungs of the coaching ladder, and thus, i am not indispensable. they'll survive without me if it really has to come down to that.

wow. that was kind of a long post. i realize that i haven't blogged about my personal home improvement yet (surprisingly enough!). as much as i'd like to do that now, in this post, i'm going to be nice and give your brain cells (not to mention my tired fingers) a break. look out for that in the next update!

-random thought of the day: I feel healthier, thanks to training.-

Bidding for modules this semester was/is somewhat less of a headache than it was last semester. the reason i say "was/is" is because i've already successfully got most of my modules, and i'm still in the process of bidding for the last one. luckily, they pre-allocated one biochem module to us, so we didn't have to waste time (and points) to get it. this semester, in addition to my 3 core modules, i'm taking a freshman seminar, which my senior tells me is a free pass. the topic of my chosen seminar happens to be symmetry. shouldn't be too difficult, especially after last semester's modern chem module.

the last module which i'm trying to secure is called "reason and persuasion". it's a philosophy module, and from what i've seen in the website, it's a bit like extremely chim english comprehension. of course, that idea just comes from looking through the questions in the sample final exam. upon closer inspection of the module structure, i realize that there is a term paper component, and i have this sick feeling that that will be the real killer. but, i have confidence that the standard of my english is above average, and that i'll at least be able to cope with whatever the professor throws at me.

from the looks of it, i won't get to sleep beyond 8:00am on weekdays for the next 4 months or so. there's a solid band running through my timetable, showing that i have class every single day from 10:00am to 12:00pm. or at least there will be, provided i get that philosophy module. that's good, in a way, as it'll help me to keep more regular hours. at the same time, it kind of sucks, knowing that i won't get to sleep in as often as before.

you know, i really don't understand how people can be professional philosophers. does thinking really pay that well? perhaps it was a more lucrative business a couple of centuries ago, back when everything wasn't so modernized, and there were a lot more mysteries in the world. personally, i have never heard about any really breaking news about philosophy in recent times. maybe i'm just not looking in the right places...

i haven't really been blogging for the past few days. that's because i've used most of my creative writing juices on fanfiction. it's fun to write, but it does get annoying when you don't receive feedback on your work. how is a writer supposed to improve is nobody tells him/her what he/she needs work on? lucky for me, all the reviews i've received so far (6, to be exact) have been positive. yays.

my boss just MSN-ed me. it appears that there might be some scheduling changes to the primary school training. nothing's concrete yet, but there is a possibility that it may run from 3:30pm to 5:30pm on fridays instead of the previous plan of 2:00pm to 4:00pm on wednesdays. come to think of it, that might be good, as i now have wednesday free for a lab slot. whatever the case, i should be able to make the necessary accommodations.

well, i think that's all the interesting stuff that's happened over the non-blogging interval. i'll relax for a bit more, then head over to popular to buy some folder/holder things to store last semester's notes. i figure that i can reuse the files, but i have to do something to the existing contents. and throwing them away is kind of a waste of money.

-random thought of the day: More area cleaning later!-

Happy new year, pull your ear!!

...sorry about that. it just slipped out, honest.

the first day of 2010 is almost over. had fun playing mahjong with friends earlier on, followed by a nice japanese dinner at thomson plaza (where i met my sec 4 form teacher and someone else whom i'd rather not have met). hopefully, losing money on new year's day won't adversely affect my luck for the year. if anything, i think that should actually increase my good karma, since i was being nice and charitable.

so...time for the main attraction of this post - resolutions. now that i've had one semester's worth of university life experience under my belt, i'll be able to make more realistic/reasonable resolutions, and they are as follows:

academic
- at least maintain my current CAP. or better yet, improve it.
- attend all lectures and tutorials, unless something important comes up.
- stay awake in all lectures!
- hand in all graded assignments on time.
- get to all lectures and tutorials on time.

physical/fitness
- attend at least one judo training session per week.^[1]
- go for grading, and pass.
- adhere to my exercise schedule.^[2]
- eat and drink healthier.

work (coaching and tuition)
- be punctual for all lessons.
- be extra-patient with the primary school kids.
- not to yell at my students for not understanding something i'm teaching.^[3]
- be a supportive coach/tutor, regardless of personal feelings towards/opinion of the student.
- find effective ways to teach my students. bonus if it's unconventional.

personal/everything else
- remain accident-free (for driving, that is), and avoid revocation of my license.
- accept that there are things beyond my control, and not worry unduly.
- think things through thoroughly, then take action (6 T's in a row!).
- wake up once my alarm sounds (no snoozing!).
- be more organized.
- sleep before 12:30am, unless rushing something important.
- find something to be happy about every day.
- end the year with a five-figure bank balance.^[4]

as you can see, i'm going all out this year. this is the first time i've actually categorized my resolutions! i suppose that's a step towards being more organized as well. now, let me explain the footnotes:

[1]: either with CJC or NUS. NUS is still kind of a grey area, seeing as there are some issues which i have to clarify first. this is also pending on their training schedules.

[2]: once i come up with it after looking at my semester timetable.

[3]: yelling at them for discipline/attitude problems is perfectly acceptable.

[4]: provided that reasonably well-paying work is constantly available throughout the year.

you know, i have a mental image of what my ideal school day would be like. i'd head to school and attend any lectures, labs or tutorials. following that, i'd spend some time on my tutorials/assignments/reading that i might have to do. then, i'd go for judo training/a run in the evening, before going home and relaxing. sounds kind of too good to be true, right? well, it IS a best-case scenario, after all. i seriously hope that most of my days will turn out like this. granted, not every day is a sunday, so i'm prepared to accept that there will be times where things simply won't work out. but i'll do my best to keep that to a minimum, and leave the rest to uncle murphy.

i've figured out why my exercise plans haven't been all that successful. it just boils down to one thing: peer pressure. i realize that when i set these things up as a solo event, i'm only accountable to myself. so, i only have to inform myself that i don't feel like running, and that i'll postpone it to some undefined date. however, if a friend is joining me, i'll feel obligated to stick to the pre-set time and go for the run/activity. that's why i've decided to rope in any friends who are available for any physical activity that i have in mind.

one thing i've noticed this past semester is that travelling to and from school is bad for me. not just in terms of time wasted, but also for how it negatively affects my mood. as such, i intend to coordinate with my dad, so that i can get a lift back home from school as often as possible. that doesn't mean i'll ask him to drive down from east coast to buona vista or anything like that, of course. i'll catch a lift only when it's convenient for him. hopefully that will improve my quality of life a little.

wow. that was quite a long post. longer than i'd expected, actually. with that, i'm off to bed. tomorrow's the first alumni gathering of 2010, and i have to go get my jaw fixed (the nice chinese doctor was closed when i last dropped in). to all readers, here's hoping that the year ahead will be better than the year which has passed!

-random thought of the day: School starts in 9 days.-