Here we are again, at the end of another year. the theme, although quite possibly premature, is "all good things come to an end". the reason i chose this theme is twofold - first, i'm at the point where i'm beginning to think about making exit arrangements for JET. i still have significant time on here (a year and 3 or 4 months to go), so it's not like things are changing overnight. but i have to prepare for it so that the impact of my departure is minimized for the schools, the town, and for myself as well.

reason 2 was the one that i couldn't talk about when i first blogged about it. but now that the announcement was brought forward from new year to christmas, i can tell you that it's because the guild leadership is undergoing a change. most of the people in the leadership team (including the leader) have stepped down due to their own reasons, and we're moving towards eventually handing the guild off to a completely new team sometime in the future. it feels like the end of an era, somehow. but i can't deny that we've all moved forward in life. some people have gotten married and/or had kids, a few are choosing to focus on their personal health and careers too. i told them that i would stay on at least until the end of JET because i have excess mental capacity for now, but that will probably change after i look for a less slack job. i feel sadder about this because we've transcended the in-game boundary and become friends in real life too. but that's also good, because it means that we can still keep in touch and maintain our friendship outside of the game. to be clear, i have no intention to leave the guild or stop final fantasy, but i think it's something that i can and should dedicate less time to in the future, ie. play way more casually.

looking back at my posts throughout the year, i feel like i've simultaneously done better and worse than 2021. better in terms of personal growth, worse in terms of job performance and general life. i challenged myself more, by taking the JLPT and going on a long road trip. i've also become more comfortable in my own body (or at least learnt not to care as much) via multiple onsen experiences - but there's still a ways to go there. as for why i feel i did worse in job performance despite another stellar appraisal, it's because i didn't put in as much effort as i did in year 1. it's a tricky situation...i know that i can do so much more, but at the same time, i have to navigate the kids' workloads, along with the teachers' need to fulfill KPIs. i'm going to attempt to work on it by introducing smaller but more frequent assignments next term, and have a bigger change starting the next school year. not going to say what it is yet, in case it doesn't come to pass. but i think it should.

not sure whether this should be filed under personal growth or general life, actually. my point of dissatisfaction is that while i explored areas far away, i didn't explore areas nearer to me. there's supposed to be a really pretty library two towns over, and i've been meaning to visit it. that's just one place in a list of about 4 or 5 that my predecessor left for me. considering that i wouldn't normally visit this area for tourism, i feel that i should make use of the time that i have to be here to explore. i suppose i can make it a goal to visit one new place a month, but that's for tomorrow.

i feel that this year's posts are very "me-centric". on one hand, no duh, because this blog is to record things that happened to me, after all. but on the other hand, i feel like i should be looking beyond myself...like towards the local community or something, you know? do something bigger. perhaps i should have started some initiative earlier on. i feel like there's not much point if i do it now, so maybe what i can do is to join some community activities.

from a "satisfaction/fulfillment" standpoint though, i'd say 2022 was worse than 2021. my overall enjoyment of the job has gone down. part of it has to do with teaching the same content. and as i've mentioned several times by now, i feel like i'm not making much of a difference - like, the kids would have a similar level of english regardless of whether i was present or not. something i remember from this year's JET workshop was advice on deciding whether to stay or go. it went: for the first 2 years, stay unless you have a reason to go. for each year after that, go unless you have a reason to stay. i do have a reason to stay (my favourite class) but it alone isn't sufficient to outweigh all the reasons i have to end JET. as i'm inclined to do, i'm looking for a win-win solution. will blog about it when it gets closer to the date, otherwise i won't have stuff to talk about later on!

summing things up, 2022 has been a good year, all things considered. i feel like it's the stable low-energy state between "wow everything is new and amazing!" and "i must do everything before leaving!" i think i've made progress in all aspects of life (more in some aspects than others), so i guess that's something i can be happy about. in addition, i've become more sure about what i don't want to do, so that's another form of progress. i'll talk about it more in tomorrow's post, so stay tuned!

-random thought of the day: Half of the year-end break is over!-

Work for the year ended on wednesday (a little earlier for me because i took half a day off), and this is now day 2 of the 6-day year-end break. my only cooking project so far has been chicken rice with a whole chicken. it was...ok. not something that i'd be happy with if i'd bought it outside, but it was acceptable for home cooking. my remaining projects are cream soup/stew, steak with vegetables, laksa (if prawns are on sale), sambal spinach, and a couple of cakes. should be enough variety to spread over the next 2 weeks.

as a reminder to myself, here's how my work schedule looks for the next 3 weeks:

full day work on 4 january, half days on the 5th and 6th.

full day work on 10 and 11 january, along with vaccine and probably taking 12th and 13th off.

work as per normal from 16 january onwards.

that means i'm working just 4 days for the first half of the month. not bad, if i do say so myself! i'm actually quite looking forward to finishing this academic year off. good thing that term 3 is the shortest term...only 2.5 months compared to about 3.5 months for the other 2 terms. it also means that i have less than a hundred days, i think, with my graduating classes. compared to the previous cohort of graduating sec 3s in the big school, i feel less sad about parting with this class on a whole, but i'll miss some people more. does that make sense? for the smaller school, i feel...neutral. they're all good kids, but their presence or absence doesn't affect my quality of life in the school too much, i think.

besides cooking, i also have to do cleaning and rubbish disposal. got some cardboard boxes other paper waste which have been lying around for a little too long. somewhat related, i also have to pack for my upcoming tokyo trip in february. it's to meet some guildmates, who i haven't seen in person for more than 2 years. i'm asking someone to help bring some things that i don't use back to singapore, to reduce my baggage woes when it's time for me to leave.

i've got some thoughts floating about in my head, but i'm not quite in the right headspace to organize them now. that's for tomorrow. very briefly for now, i've got science stuff to complete, and the town gave us 10000 yen worth of vouchers to be spent on fuels. those will go to offsetting my gas bills for january and february, but i need to contact the gas company ASAP to make arrangements.

-random thought of the day: The power company gave me 2000 points for the save energy campaign!-

Something that i deliberately neglected to mention in the last post, but on second thought decided that i should talk about after all to reduce the length of the year-end post, is my recontract hearing that took place last friday. in singapore, a "hearing" brings to mind a criminal case, but in japan, it's used in the same way as "sit-down" or "chat/discussion". worried me the first time i saw it on the schedule!

the short version is, it went well. longer version: the schools' feedback was overwhelmingly positive. flatteringly so, in fact. according to my supervisor, the appraisal was almost all 4s (4 being the best on a 4-point scale) and a couple of 3s. this year, i walked in knowing what to expect, so i was able to keep my wits about me and ask what the 3s were for. one was for "activities out of class", and the other was "punctuality in reaching the school". not much i can do about the second one, since the school that gave that particular piece of feedback is 20 minutes away by car, and the policy is that i have to walk back to the town hall from my first school of the day, get the car key, then drive to the school in question. would save me 10 minutes if i could take the car in the morning, but other people need it too. my vice superintendent told me that the school gave this feedback out of concern, for fear of my safety in the case that i would be speeding along the drive. but well...it is what it is. i'm not sure which school gave the first piece of feedback. considering that i try my best to be involved in the kids' school lives (if they'll let me), it's mildly irritating. perhaps i don't do as much as some of the other JETs, who make english boards and other things like that. in my defense, i've tried implementing a letter exchange system in both my secondary schools. it's used maybe only a few times a term, if that. but well...the IT resource person in the office told me about google sites, so that's something i'm looking forward to trying out next year.

following that, we talked about my recontract. my wish to stop after the 2023 school year is now on the record, although the exact details are fuzzy. see, my plan is to end school, then use up my remaining leave (will probably have about 1 or 2 weeks, 3 if i'm lucky) to prepare to move to my next destination, so the exact end-date is uncertain. they said that they'd sponsor my trip back to singapore, which is a relief to my wallet. we'll discuss the details next december. hopefully by then, i'll have a job offer lined up, or at least be fixed on a destination. thoughts about that will come in the year-end post.

last thing we talked about: the level of english in the schools. it is nowhere near where i want it to be. again, i feel partially responsible that the sec 2 and 3 kids still have trouble stringing simple words together to form a sentence! repetition is really not a good way to learn. the plan right now is to see what i can do in my last remaining year. hopefully i can keep the interest up in all my classes.

finished rewriting the letter and sent it out today. it should reach before new year, but the post office said that the snow in akita might delay things. good thing i included an apology for lateness in the main body! although it took disproportionate amounts of time and effort, writing was really enjoyable. i kind of have a mad idea to write birthday cards/letters to all the kids next year, but it's a massive undertaking. on the other hand, it would be a great bonding thing, plus it would help me use up most of (if not all of) my letter sets.

oh, i almost forgot. my old supervisor who sat in on the talk also told me to do some cleaning around the house, and leave it in a condition that would make the next JET want to live there. shouldn't be too hard; a lot of it is actually deciding what to keep and what to throw away. actually, there are clothes that i've brought, but have literally not worn even once in the 2 years that i've been here. those can be considered for disposal, i guess. i should get the bulk of the sorting/disposal done next summer, then it'll just be area cleaning and general maintenance until i leave.

guess that's it for now. half days tomorrow and wednesday, then year-end break until next tuesday. might work on wednesday, then take thursday and friday off for a 5-day weekend (the monday after next is also a public holiday). i'll probably do a holiday cooking forecast, to make sure i remember the ideas and ingredients. but that can wait until the next post. for now, i need a shower and dinner.

-random thought of the day: Feeling oddly melancholy.-

Every christmas/year-end, my supervisor (well, officially ex-supervisor, but she's now like the JET supervisor advisor because she's the only one with the experience) will invite me to her house for a party. this year was no exception. i made red ruby for dessert. it was much easier than i'd thought! the only labour-intensive part is dicing the water chestnuts up. i followed an internet recipe and didn't test it beforehand. big mistake! it turned out way too sweet. should have halved, or even quartered the amount of sugar recommended. well, now i know. i also entertained her son a bit. he's...4? 5? now, and - forgive me for being blunt - he's a little spoiled, i think. but well, first-born and only child for now with doting grandparents, so i can understand. he'll be getting a sibling sometime early next year, so that might help him grow out of it sooner.

my letter plan didn't go smoothly. at first, things were looking great; i spent my free periods on friday writing it, finally completed it after several drafts, and even made it in good time to the post office. just before i joined the queue, i made the decision to check it again at the very last minute. good thing i did, because i realized that i'd gotten one of the kanji of the recipient's name wrong! sending a letter with such a huge error would have been an unimaginable faux pas. so the plan now is to rewrite the letter and send it on monday. sad thing is, i'll have to correction tape the new year's card, because it was one that i'd made during the JET workshop. the post office people tell me that it should take 3 days (barring unforeseen circumstances), so i'll still make it in time for new year.

i've got a 5% off coupon for the supermarket. thinking of going into the next town, but also feeling lazy. will probably go after hanging the laundry out. primary goal is to get a replacement toothbrush, and probably some vegetables.

-random thought of the day: Big cooking plans this coming week!-

Planned out my time off for the holiday season today. my goal for the start of next year is not to go to the office unnecessarily - something i did both this and last year. i'm working a total of 3 days from next monday to 09 january, so i imagine there'll be plenty of time for rest in that period.

got a question about ethics for you all. is it wrong to take time off strategically to stretch the time you're out of the office? legally, i don't think it's wrong; people can take leave any time they like. singaporeans even look up the public holiday forecast for the coming year and plan their leave days based on that. but from a moral/ethical point of view...let's say i have a day with 5 back-to-back classes. is it wrong for me to take leave on that day and leave the other teachers to handle the workload? if you're being a paragon of virtue (or a stingy boss), you'd probably object to it. you know, don't leave your colleagues in the lurch and whatnot. personally, i don't think it's wrong. leave days are private, after all, and one is at liberty to decide how to use them. having said that though, i won't do it too often, unless it's something that i really hate doing.

the reason that thought came about was because i was looking at dates to get my 4th COVID vaccination. my original plan was to do it on 04 january, then take the next 2 days off. it would have been a win-win-win, since it links to the weekend, school wouldn't have started yet, and i'd just be deskwarming on the days i planned to call in sick. but that plan was thwarted by the vaccination place not accepting reservations on that day. so...get vaccinated on a schoolday it is, then. have to call the vaccination hotline to book a slot.

in school today, i noticed a poster about COVID discrimination. it was saying not to shun people who'd recovered from COVID. and it occurred to me that there are so many kinds of discrimination in japan. based on race, gender, gender identity, HIV status, nationality, indigenous status, age, weight, disabilities, looks, tattoos, the list goes on. my question here is, why can't the japanese people apply the lesson across the board? it's not a quantum leap from "discrimination against x is bad" to "discrimination is bad, full stop", isn't it? and yet, it seems like every time a new thing comes about, there have to be workshops, campaigns, etc. to remind people not to have biases against those who are different, and to have empathy. i'm fortunate to be in a town where discrimination isn't that prevalent (or if it is, i don't know about it). but really...you'd think they'd learn! or maybe that's the right way, and discrimination is not talked about enough in singapore.

2 more days until the end of the week. my top priority is to finish writing the letter to my friend's in-laws, and mail it out by friday. after that, the science assignment. i'm about...halfway through? should be able to finish that by the end of the year, or at least before the new school term starts.

-random thought of the day: It got colder earlier this winter!-

Conflict arising from cultural differences is something that commonly happens to JETs, but i've been fortunate to experience only a few minor cases so far. the most recent one was not really a conflict per se, but more of an english translation problem. so, here's what happened. some time ago, i got a message from the head of the human rights centre. it was an invitation to attend an event. as part of his message, he wrote "i want you to bake a cake for the event". considering he's not in my chain of command at all, my immediate thought was, 'who the hell died and made you the boss of me?'. but then, he's been nothing but kind and polite to me since i've been here, so this was uncharacteristic, to say the least.

the expression "i want you to..." is also taught in schools here, by the way. i expect that's where he picked it up. the direct japanese translation is "...してほしい", which is used to make a request to another person. it's casual neutral-ish in japanese (ie. suitable for use between friends, but not to superiors), but "i want you to..." has a demanding tone in english. so what happened was that when we met in person to discuss the details of the event, i brought it up and gently told him that a native speaker would not use it in that way. instead, phrases like "could you..." or "would you please..." more accurately convey the tone of a request. at the risk of blowing my own trumpet, i think the situation was handled rather well! relations weren't hurt, the message was conveyed successfully, and there shouldn't be a repeat case involving the same phrase.

also this week, i received a letter from my friend's in-laws in akita, along with a big box of apples which i believe they grew themselves. they're juicy, crisp, sweet...my ideal apple. reading the letter (well, being able to read the letter) made me realize how far i've come in my japanese learning journey. while i'm not yet good enough to use it in a professional setting, i think i can communicate effectively with native speakers. i'll write them back, along with a new year card that i made during the JET workshop. i used to send christmas cards, but stopped after JC. doesn't seem like a big thing among people i know. well, new year's cards are still big in japan, so why not? i have to get it in the mail by 25 december for it to arrive on time. seems doable.

just yesterday, i stopped myself from making an impulse purchase. my trip to the stationery stores in kochi city didn't turn up any of the nib units i was looking for. in addition, the pilot explorer is no longer available in the singapore store that stocked them previously. so i wound up looking at the website of a company based in the US. the total bill came up to USD 150 (including shipping), which is about SGD 200. decided to give myself some time and mental space to sort my finances out first before committing to it. odds are i'll get it by the end of this year though, especially since i have one pending assignment on the science side.

on that topic (shipping, not science), i realize that in some cases, shipping can be more economical than making a trip down to the store. the thought was brought about by my recent kaldi trip. out of curiosity, i looked up their shipping charges, and found that they charge about 900 yen to ship orders below 6500 yen. it's free above that. on the other hand, going to my nearest kaldi would cost me about 1500 yen in tolls, and between 1500 to 2000 yen in petrol. not to mention the time taken (about 2 hours total). so yes. unless i have other business where i must physically be in the city, i think it's better if i ship stuff over, even more so if i wait till i have a big enough order to get free shipping. good to know!

this coming week is the last week of term 2. perhaps it's because i'm still working so close to christmas/year-end, but i don't feel the holiday spirit. well, there's about a week to go, so there's still plenty of time.

-random thought of the day: Need to get corn.-

Back in another life, i once posted a status on facebook, along the lines of "how can you feel happy and sad at the same time?" i forgot what made me post it, but one of my judo friends replied, "when your girlfriend tells you that you're bigger down there than your brother". it cracked me up then, and still does now.

anyway, a more SFW answer is "finding something that you'd lost, and not being able to justify buying a (better) replacement". so, i found the missing mechanical pencil in my car on the morning that i was supposed to go to kochi city. still ended up buying parts to make a new one though. hear me out - i'm going to recycle attachments from the old one. the reason i bought a new body is because it was available in matte black with a smooth finish. i think the design lingo to describe it is "satin finish". it felt good! also, the body holds 4 attachments, so i'll reuse red and blue from my current pencil. then, i'll add 2 more, one for purple lead, and did i buy a pen attachment with purple or green ink? one of those, anyway. i felt less guilty when i was reminded that the clear body i'm not going to use any more only cost 110 yen. i suppose i could repurpose it as a gift for a student, but we'll see.

the 2 days of workshop are over! this year's speakers and activities were more interesting than last year, but overall i feel like i had a slightly worse experience, logistics-wise. for one, the information about needing a car parking space somehow didn't make it to the hotel. so i had to park about 200m away in a public parking space. i mean, it's claimable, so i'm not worried in that regard. but it was annoying when the hotel told me that there wasn't anything they could do. also, i think they put me in a smoking room by mistake. it smelled like cigarettes, and there was an ashtray on the table. but well, it was only for one night, and it wasn't THAT strong. also i was too tired to argue or request a swap. the advertised onsen turned out to be smaller than i expected, and also because i didn't want to walk back to the car to get appropriate clothing, i gave it a miss. on the plus side, the hotel provided free breakfast. 3 bread rolls (with marmalade and/or strawberry jam), some salad greens (shredded cabbage or lettuce and a single spinach leaf), and a hard-boiled egg. water, coffee and tea too, of course. nothing fancy, but hey, it's free. i've never been much of a breakfast eater, but it was a nice change.

it's my second year attending the workshop. i appreciate that the prefecture organizes these things to help us teach english better, but i still feel it's like trying to push against an advancing tank. my schools still teach english the old way, ie. brute force. the idea is that if you write a word out enough times, the spelling will sink in. the problem with that is the kids don't associate meaning to the word. like, the speaker tried teaching us the words for apple and strawberry in spanish by repetition only. i don't think i remembered them midway through the presentation! i'm thinking of suggesting changes to the english teachers in one school, including getting rid of some of their performance-based tasks. most of the kids aren't up to that level. it feels to me like the teachers are are doing things just for the sake of doing them. one of my colleagues said it was the difference between teaching material from the textbook and using the textbook to teach. i like that analogy very much. but at the same time, i know that the teachers don't have it easy, with admin duties and all in addition to their teaching load. maybe the best solution is to hope for them to transfer out, and for another teacher to come in and inject a breath of fresh air.

my friend was telling me that the kids in his town were on their winter program, a part of which involved reduced school hours. it was a thing in kochi city too; kids were out and about by our lunchtime break. but in my town, school hours remain the same. i wonder if this is a remnant of the town's rougher days. a senior colleague at the office told me that some 10 or 20 years ago, there were discipline problems in the schools. so perhaps the long hours were enforced to minimize trouble caused outside. this is purely conjecture, by the way. just letting my brain wander a bit.

including what's left of this week, i have 7 more school days and 9 working days in total before the year-end break. due to some overzealous shopping during 5% discount sunday last week, i'm probably good through to the end of the year, as far as food's concerned. complementing that with a kaldi trip, i now have ingredients to make chicken rice (with a whole chicken), sambal kangkong (well, spinach), laksa, and rendang. goodbye, diet plans. well, i suppose portion control will mitigate it. also thinking of getting the 4th vaccine, probably just after the new year break.

-random thought of the day: Settle leave plans this week!-

Don't really have enough content for a proper full-on post, and i'm not really in a blogging mood now, but i figured that i should write a little to put some things on record as reminders for myself should i want to go into greater detail in the future.

first, there's been some news. that's all i'm going to disclose for now, because the consensus of the parties involved is to keep it under wraps until a later date. i'll speak about it in more detail in the end of year post; the embargo should have been lifted by then. but as far as this post goes, i'll just say i know my theme for this year.

second, workshop. one night stay in kochi city, and my side quest of getting stationery. maybe go to the kaldi in aeon mall, too. i'm hoping they let us off early, so that we have a bit more free and easy time. the other singaporean JET says he's finishing his term next summer, so this is probably the last time i'll meet him? unless we specifically plan for something in the future, of course.

third, temperature. was it this cold last year? it's ok as long as the sun's out, but trying to do anything after sunset is next to impossible. not to mention how early and quickly the sky goes dark! it's like, midday sky to pitch black in the span of 20 minutes. it's only going to get worse in january/february, so i figure that i should get in some longer-distance cycling while i still can. from watching the soccer and baseball kids train, the secret seems to be layering. although i don't know how to layer such that i'm properly insulated while starting out, yet won't overheat in the middle of activity once the blood has started flowing. guess i'll have to experiment on that front.

last thing, cooking. i made a lemon drizzle cake for the office with the lemons that my ex-vice superintendent (who's now in another department) gave me. gave her a couple of pieces too. i'm actually surprised how lemony it turned out! didn't expect it to be that strong just from 2 small-ish lemons' worth of zest in the batter (and juice in the drizzle). might be the limonene; smell is a huge part of taste, after all. the tupperware that i put the cake in for her came back to me with another 2 lemons. i want to make it again for myself, but a whole cake is really too many calories. knowing my less-than-stellar impulse control, i'd be likely to finish it off in one sitting! unless i freeze quarters, or give some away to the neighbour. we'll see.

-random thought of the day: Hoping my stomach behaves tomorrow.-

Shouldn't have bragged about knowing where my things generally are a few posts ago. it's true what they say, "singapore lang buay sai oh-loh eh" translated from hokkien, it means "singaporeans can't be praised". once you praise a singaporean, they will go out of their way to prove you wrong. best thing is, it's not even a conscious effort! it's like the universe goes, "ok, that's enough pride for you", then proceeds to mess you up.

so as you may have guessed, i lost something. to be specific, i seem to have misplaced my favourite mechanical pencil. it's one of those customizable ones from pilot, where they sell a body with however many slots, which are meant to be paired with various attachments, like gel pen ones in different colours, or mechanical pencil ones in different lead widths. the one i made isn't super special...it's just a double mechanical pencil. the thing i liked about it is that i used red and blue leads in the attachments, which allowed me to do colour coding on the fly. useful for breaking up a sentence into its parts! like, red underline is for nouns, blue underline is for verbs, etc.

the annoying thing is, i don't have a super clear idea about where it might be. after eliminating all 3 schools and the office, my last 2 candidates are at home or in the car. of course, there is also a non-zero probability that i dropped it somewhere unknowingly. i recall not being clear about its whereabouts even before the kansai trip, which means that i most probably didn't leave in in osaka or kobe. well, no use crying over spilt milk, or lost pencils, as the case may be. i will give myself one more chance to look for it over this weekend. failing that, i'll get a new one in kochi city when i go for the JET workshop next week. if i'm getting a new one, i'll upgrade it. right now, i'm thinking of adding a third attachment that's just for a regular mechanical pencil, no fancy lead colours. maybe i'll see if that opens up my selection of pen bodies too. which reminds me - i should check on the availability of black nib units for my pilot capless. i have 2 stationery shops in mind, and aeon mall as the last resort. that should make my trip more fun!

-random thought of the day: Sleep early!-

JLPT did not go well. even before the test, i realized that i didn't print out the health declaration that candidates were supposed to submit at the venue. that's how i learnt that anyone can upload documents to a server and print them at a convenience store. cost me 20 yen though. considering that the NUS print shop used to charge 3 or 4 cents a side, 20 cents is a ripoff. but i suppose people will be willing to pay more when they're desperate. i also forgot to bring a watch, so i stopped by a daiso and bought one for 500 yen. good thing i did that; the exam venue didn't have a clock. it was way more reassuring to know how much time had elapsed (and how much time was remaining). pace-wise, i think i did ok. finished my first pass of the questions about 70 minutes in, out of 105 minutes total. that left me about 30 minutes to go back to the blanks and check through everything.

regarding the test itself, i'd say there's a 10-15% chance that i pass. breaking it down by section, i'm pretty sure i'll pass the reading and listening sections, but fail the combined grammar and vocabulary one. failing any section results in an overall fail, by the way, regardless of how well you scored in other areas. the thing i took away (other than the fact that i need a better study plan and way more commitment) is to trust myself more. i had at least 2 questions which i answered correctly at first, but later changed the answers to incorrect options. i'm just hoping that my fail isn't a borderline one that correctly answering those two questions would have resulted in my passing the test. that would be severely annoying.

perspective check! this isn't important, in the long run. my deadline to get JLPT qualification is by the time i leave japan. i have another 2 attempts at taking the test before then. also, this doesn't affect me in any major way, like, i'm not going to lose my job if i don't pass. me failing might not be the worst thing, as i plan to use this as a teachable moment for my kids. i've mentioned before that japanese society believes that failure = bad, so i want to use my actual experience to show them that it's ok to fail, and it's what we do after the failure that's the most important. it happened with my driving license conversion too. i wouldn't say that it's ironic...more like it's appropriate, that i'm learning this lesson over and over again. or maybe i'm just noticing it more because i'm paying attention? at any rate, it's important that i don't forget, considering failing at something i wanted to succeed in put me in a slump that took over a year to recover from. i really have  to have multiple exposures to failure from now on. that way, i can internalize this lesson and become more resilient.

for now, i think i need to wind down a little. i'll probably resume studying after i know the results (end-january). in the one-in-a-million chance that i pass, that'll be one less thing on my plate. but i'm not going to place too high hopes there. moderating expectations, being realistic, and all that. in the nearer future though, science videos. or rather, collating questions this time round. will give myself a week to decompress before i let them know that i'm ready to resume work.

-random thought of the day: Half a year till the next test!-

Hard to believe that i was in kobe just this morning, and now i'm back in kochi, fresh out of the bath, and feeling relaxed. i did a lot of things and had a lot of thoughts over the past 4 days. time to break out the 10 sentences per point rule. there's a twist this time, in that i'm going to list out the major bullet points first, then go down the list and fill them out one by one. i figure that this will help me stay on track better.

- driving

as you may know, i like driving. that's why i thought it would be a fun challenge to drive to osaka and kobe, instead of taking a plane. i drove 795km in this past week alone, the bulk of which was just getting to and from osaka. i quite enjoyed myself! although it's a pity that the quality of the roads in rural japan aren't as good as in the more urban areas. i found myself thinking, multiple times on the journey, 'i wish i was doing this road trip in my civic'. it's hard to go fast (and to look cool) in a kei car.

- osaka

i didn't do much in osaka, just stayed a night and collected my passport. the hotel room i booked turned out to be a cubicle/capsule in an onsen resort. i should have guessed that rooms don't go for 2999 yen! it wasn't bad, by any means...just not what i was expecting. not sure that i would dare to book such accommodations if it weren't japan. the bath facilities were amazing, though! there is this electric seat in the bath where you can feel an electric current. i didn't dare sit down there - probably because mixing electricity with water sounds like a really bad idea. i actually would visit (and maybe stay over) again, if i had business in the vicinity.

- passport collection

the process was fairly straightforward; i was in and out in about 10 minutes. the difficulty is finding the place. turns out that the singapore consulate-general in osaka is a small office located in a building owned by shimano. yes, the bicycle gear company. so you have to clear shimano security before going in. it seems like a one-person operation. lucky i remembered to bring my passport!

- kobe (general)

kobe is probably the biggest and most famous city in hyogo prefecture. side note: it annoys me, that the prefecture names don't always match up with the names of their capitals. there is a strong chinese influence, probably because it was one of the places where chinese immigrants were first allowed to settle. the city wasn't that crowded, but i felt a vibrancy and life that is missing from my rural neck of the woods.

- kobe (food)

due to the chinese influence, there were many chinese dishes available. from dim sum like xiao long bao to bak zhang, and even full-blown chinese restaurants! i didn't eat much though. somehow, i found myself a little reluctant to eat in public. i don't know why, either; perhaps i haven't done it in such a long time, it feels foreign and weird now. i did try kobe beef sushi, which was nice but expensive. there was also an abura soba (dry ramen) shop, which is only the second or third one i've seen so far. i also learnt that kobe is famous for chocolate. i went to visit a famous chocolatier's shop and bought ruby chocolate-coated raisins. they were good, but not super special.

- parking prices

whenever i go to the city, i always feel so grateful that parking literally anywhere in my town is free. the city parking rates are scary too - the worst i saw was 300 yen per 10 minutes, no upper limit to the fee. that translates to $18 an hour, by the way. to think that i used to balk at parking prices in singapore! well, for balance, parking in the city is more expensive in japan than in singapore, but the reverse is true for suburbs and rural areas - as rural as you get in singapore, anyway. so i guess it just depends on where you live in japan.

- meeting my professor

originally, my mission was just to collect my passport and go back. but my professor mentioned that he'd be in kobe for a conference around this period. since it was on my route anyway, we arranged a dinner. that was yesterday, and apart from him and me, my russian postdoc (who's now a professor in another university), my junior (who's now a postdoc in the lab), and a current phd student (who joined the lab after i left) also joined us. we caught each other up on the last 2 years over a nice steak dinner. in a strange parallel, he's also been baking - but pandan cake instead of bread. that's something i've been wanting to try! my former postdoc is now married, and she gave birth not too long ago. the meeting left me with a full stomach, and an even fuller heart. i hope the next time we catch up won't be after another 2 years.

- an interesting encounter

on my second night in kobe, i went to this yaki udon place for dinner. the main draw for me wasn't the noodles, but the fact that organ meats were offered as mix-ins. i tried beef liver and either stomach or intestine, i forget which. the liver is not something i'd go for again, but yes to the stomach/intestine. so while i was there, i uncharacteristically struck up a conversation with a salaryman who was a regular customer. he helped translate the menu for me, and we had some nice/funny conversation with the other patrons too. nobody offered to buy me dinner or take me on a road trip, like scary JC friend has experienced, but i figure baby steps. i can't remember whose quote this is, but someone said, "a stranger is just a friend you haven't made yet". i'll try to live by that more, within common-sensical limits, of course.

- japanese study

i finished up the remaining 2 practice papers while in kobe. the results were not exactly encouraging. there are still so many kanji that i don't know the reading of, words that i don't know the meaning of, and my reading speed is still too slow. don't have high hopes of passing. well, failing the first time isn't the end of the world, but it'd be much better to pass in one shot. i still have tomorrow for revision, so i'll use the time to brush up on my weak areas, and attempt the listening section.

- future direction

during the dinner with my professor, he asked about how long i intended to stay in japan, and what i wanted to do in the future. so i told him about the IP plan. he suggested that i look into data science and integrating it into IP work - patent searching, for example. i don't know if that's a path i want to follow, because computing is not my thing. but i figured that there's no harm in taking a look. preliminary googling has turned up that java (which is different from javascript) and python would be promising starts.

- thoughts about my kids

since they asked over dinner, i also shared a bit of what i'm currently doing. showed them the video of my favourite class doing their dance item during last year's sports day. it's going to sound weird, but i felt proud when i talked about them! if only they would allow me to choose what classes i wanted to take upon recontracting! interestingly, my former postdoc said that she couldn't imagine me interacting with or teaching primary school kids. see? i told you kids and me don't mix.

- organized chaos (the glove story)

i'm the kind of person who knows where things should be, despite the overall area looking like a mess. you should have seen my lab space! yes, i'll admit that it sometimes makes finding things more difficult than it should be, but it works for me. well, since the weather got colder, i wanted to use my thicker gloves. i must have turned my room upside down searching for them before the trip! i was sure that they were in there somewhere. while i was in kobe, i had the temptation to buy another pair at the conveniently-located uniqlo, but i resisted because i knew that they HAD to turn up. ends up i was right; they'd fallen off the shelf in the closet space, and were on the floor. it took a torchlight to see them. go me for not wasting money!

- budget woes

which leads to my budget for the trip. i've definitely blown it...i withdrew 25000 yen in cash, and have like, 5000 remaining? that's excluding the purchases made on my credit card and the tolls on the expressway, among other things. i'd say that the saving grace here is that no money was spent unnecessarily. and thankfully, i have adequate savings which can withstand a small to medium hit once or twice a year.

- superficiality

osaka and kobe are more populated, so i thought i'd give the dating app thing a try while i was there. set up a bare-bones profile (no pictures, but with real age, height, and weight) and searched for guys near me. there was one like, 80m away, so i assume he was in the same building. there was another guy further away who listed himself as looking for chats and friends, so i dropped him a message - just a simple "hi". his first (and only) reply was (translated) "aren't you way too fat?" for all the moral education that they teach in schools, all the lessons about how discrimination is bad, every human has value and is precious, to consider others' feelings, this was unexpected. and yet...not entirely so. ah well.

- 377a thoughts

didn't bother watching the debates, because it's all a big wayang. i do not, even for a second, believe that all the MPs from the ruling party suddenly grew a heart and felt compassion for LGBT individuals. it's worrying, because now their bigoted feelings will fester in silence. the opposition's decision to lift the whip (ie. not force its MPs to vote in a particular way) was brave, although it did show that some opposition MPs place more emphasis on abstract religious concepts than the actual suffering of their fellow man. disappointed, but expected. but at the end of the day, i'll take the win. i've blogged about my thoughts on gay marriage before, so not going to do the broken record thing here. but really...civil unions with benefits identical to marriage!

- comfort zone

it's only when i leave my town that i get the feeling like i should be doing more in all aspects of my life. guess it's because leaving this small town reminds me that there's a much bigger world out there. related thought...it might also be because i'm getting too comfortable here. i mean, the work is brainless, i've basically tackled all the challenges of daily living, and my stress test results always show that i'm feeling restless because my work is too easy. need to find myself a consistent challenge, something i can do semi-regularly. will have to meditate on that.

-random thought of the day: JLPT in about 36 hours!-