Without a doubt, today was the worst day of the holidays by far. most of it has to do with going for an eye checkup at tan tock seng, which was a complete waste of time. if not for my dad bugging me to get a referral and to attend the checkup, i wouldn't have bothered with the damned thing in the first place.

to be fair, the staff and doctors were mostly nice (though i was quite annoyed by these 2 female doctors who were discussing my case in front of me while pretending i wasn't there). some instructions could have been clearer, but in general, i can't say that they performed badly. it was the checkup that really got me annoyed. first, there was this machine that was supposed to blow a puff of air into my open eye at close range. next, there was another machine whose goal was to touch my eyeball with a hard plastic thing. refractive prisms came after that, which was manageable. lastly, they gave me some medicated eyedrops to force my pupils to dilate. if that doesn't sound bad enough, the nice lady administered them 3 or 4 times in total. what is it with people trying to touch my eyeballs? natural reflex caused me to move away from the source of the pain, and somehow, the doctor was kind of surprised. i guess he's used to people with eyes of steel or something. the eyedrops, in combination with this REALLY BRIGHT light that the doctor shone into my eyes, has resulted in me having focusing problems even till now. i can still see, but not comfortably if things are too close or too bright. as it is, i'm looking mostly at the keyboard as i type this post. the monitor's too blurry. hopefully, the effects wear off by the time i wake up tomorrow. if not, i will be EXTREMELY upset.

did you know that team fortress 2 is now free-to-play? that's also the main thing that's been occupying my time over the past few days. when i'm playing online, i've been playing as a medic most of the time. but when i'm offline, i've tried almost every class. right now, i like the pyro, heavy, spy, and sniper most. medic's good because he's easy to play online. i'm pretty neutral about the soldier, though i can't imagine myself playing as a scout or engineer. still, i probably will have to do that sometime in the future, since i want to collect achievements.

i think that's all the blogging i can stand for now. there's a slight but persistent feeling of nausea in the back of my throat. maybe i'll go for a few team fortress games, then call it an early night.

-random thought of the day: Vision impairment sucks.-

Last week was supposed to be busy...but looking back, it was actually very manageable. that's probably because i spent friday and saturday unwinding, and staying away from sources of stress.

my UROPS search hasn't been all that successful, with my top 3 professors rejecting me due to financial and/or space constraints. only one professor didn't give me a flat-out "no", but his condition was that i have to do a year-long project if he accepts me. so, i'm sitting on that for a little while more. meanwhile, i'll have to go back to school sometime next week to hunt down the remaining 2 professors whom i haven't met, in case they have a better offer.

come to think of it, i may not even need to do UROPS at all. i have my 4 level 3 core modules planned out, so UROPS is a backup in case one of them doesn't work out. even though it's not necessary, i still think that i might want to try it out. after all, it's a taste of what honours life and work is like, and a bit more exposure never hurt. too bad that it's a bother searching for a good boss whose specialization is in your area of interest.

other than that, the week's been all right. training was training...nothing special. apparently, the kids liked the stuff i cooked, so that's some positive reinforcement/motivation. thursday's coaching was when we finalized the team lineups, so that's one less thing to worry about.

july's coming, and even though i'm still on holiday, i'm going to be pretty busy for most of the month. somehow or another, both sports (bowling and judo) have their nationals around the same time period. right now, i'm scheduled for 3 days of bowling coaching, plus up to 6 days of refereeing for judo. the slight hitch is that some of these days may overlap. the bigger problem is that i don't know when these days may be! the bowling side is somewhat behind schedule, and it seems that i'm not the only one in a mild state of panic. judo has blocked off the refereeing dates already, so i'm grateful for that.

now, here comes the dilemma. since judo has indicated the dates before bowling, i should give it my priority, right? first come, first served after all. thing is, i'm more replaceable as a referee than as a coach. so, bowling gets higher priority due to the simple fact that my boss simply cannot get a replacement coach, while there are at least 5 referees who can fill in for me. because the bowling dates aren't out yet, i can't tell the referee director exactly which days i'm free, and it's incredibly frustrating for both of us. for me, it's because i want to settle my schedule and not leave anyone hanging (or be left hanging myself). for him, he needs my free slots so that his planning will be more effective. i just hope that the dates come out soon (like within the next week or less), and that there are no clashes between both sports' competition dates.

it's getting late/early, which means i have to go. there's tuition tomorrow/later in the morning, after all. but before i go, let's just give myself a few blogging prompts. avocados, moments of serenity/thoughtfulness, forever/always, manga, finding someone, and potentially messing up a friendship for a relationship. for now, i'm going to sleep.

-random thought of the day: Practise more katakana!-

Monday again? the last week really flew by! i had meant to blog sometime during the week, but being busy/out most of the time didn't allow for that.

to quickly catch you up, let's run through what's been occupying my time. training definitely played a big part in doing that. even though CJC temporarily stood down, i still went for SJI training as i agreed to meet another senior there. the things one can do when properly motivated, huh? training for all 3 days (monday, wednesday and friday) was pretty enlightening. the coach covered some REALLY basic stuff...you know, the kind that's so blindingly obvious, but people don't realize until someone else points it out. friday's training session was a little more interesting/special, since it was conducted at the SJF. in addition to normal training, we explained a few competition rules, and did some less-formal competition sparring. one thing i noticed is that both the SJI and CJC kids are not used to transitioning smoothly and quickly from standing to groundwork. the coach seems to realize this as well, because that's what she worked on today.

apart from training, i also went to watch kung-fu panda 2 on tuesday. it was a good show, with comedic, action, and serious scenes throughout. i'm happy that a sequel will most probably be in the works. in my opinion, it's a movie worth watching.

the movie also prominently features a self-fulfilling prophecy. i find those to be quite...irritating, for lack of a better word. guess it's because the more you try to prevent something bad from happening, the more likely the bad thing's going to happen. shows that sometimes, we're not as in control of our lives/fates/destinies as we imagine ourselves to be. sucks, doesn't it?

i can't really remember what i did on thursday, so i'll skip it. somehow, i think i was supposed to meet a friend, but he cancelled, which was good, since i was feeling lazy and disinclined to leave home. or was it the day i did my library run? oh well. minor detail. thursday's probably when i started on katakana...but didn't do much else.

saturday was fun. i met one of my JC friends for dinner on friday, and he told me that he was organizing mahjong with some of his university friends. i was supposed to be a backup, but one player couldn't make it, and i ended up being activated. considering i haven't played mahjong since the new year, winning $20 was kind of a nice surprise. and i got my first da san yuan, too! definitely memorable.

we (me and a couple of friends) went out for dinner after that, to this famous fish steamboat place in the balestier area. dinner was a little expensive, but i think that it was worth it. thinking back, i can't really fault any part of the meal. the soup was good, fish was fresh, tofu was nice. oh wait. the fried pork was a little heavy, but that's really minor. overall, it was a great recommendation.

after dinner, we walked a bit more to this chinese medicine shop, where we had dessert. sounds kind of odd, but stay with me. the shop sells herbal tea, medicine, and gui ling gao, that black, bitter jelly that supposedly made from ground-up turtle shells. the interesting thing was that the shop had 3 varieties of the dessert — normal, pearl (with real pearl powder), and menthol. my friend shared a menthol one with me, while the other friend got the normal one. that was the first time i had such a dessert. nice twist on tradition.

round 2 of dessert brought us to starbucks at united square. i didn't get anything (because i was feeling full and slightly sleepy), but i just went along for the company. we sat around for...half an hour(?) before heading home. having these kind of outings is nice. in the past 2+ years since university began, i've probably bonded more with these friends as compared to over our 4 years of friendship in JC and army combined. PROBABLY.

i started a new tuition assignment on sunday. the student is 4 years my senior, which is why i'm reluctant to say "tuition kid". this assignment is slightly different, because (1) i'm not accepting the usual fees, and that's because (2) i'm preparing him for the SAT, which is out of my normal territory of GCE exams. still concepts are concepts, so the knowledge applies across. i've tried some of the SAT questions, and my impression is that they're between O- and A- level, but leaning slightly more towards A-level. the syllabus shows nothing unfamiliar, just that there are things (like phase diagrams and entropy) which i'm not good at. we share quite many mutual NUS friends, so i'm not the only avenue of knowledge. still, i'm going to do as much as i can to help.

met up with my judo senior at his place after that for a...food session. that's the best way i can describe it. basically, the main objective was to eat and drink. funny story about how we set it up, actually. my kata partner went over to his place sometime back for something similar, and posted about it on facebook. i jokingly commented that i was sad about missing out, and next thing i knew, i had an invitation. food aside, it was a good learning experience as i learnt that sometimes, stuff that tastes good doesn't have to be complicated. compared to what he did, my stews, soups and various other dishes are about as simple as brain surgery. yet, the taste of what we make is about on par, if mine isn't a little inferior. guess i should simplify my stuff a bit. unfortunately, the event ended rather poorly, because i got wasted on the available alcohol, which included beer, vodka, and tequila. lesson learnt: beer and hard liquor don't mix well for me. bleh.

went for training again today. incidentally, i had a super weird dream! there was a time machine involved, and i saw how i was going to die in the future (at around 40+ years old). apparently, i died because i went to return an orange t-shirt to a shop while heavy rain and a tsunami was going on. must remember to stay indoors during treacherous weather in 20 years' time. as for training itself, it wasn't that remarkable (except that i got headbutted in the jaw). the interesting thing was i had lunch with 2 kids afterwards at J8's mos burger. it's nice to break the routine a little. the wagyu burger was pretty good. in fact, i thought of getting a few as takeaway for supper/breakfast/random snacks...but at $5.90 each, they don't come cheap. somehow, i think i'll end up getting a few more in the upcoming few days or weeks, depending on how my schedule works out.

speaking of which, the next 2 weeks may prove to be busy. well...maybe not 2 weeks, but at least the next 3 to 4 days. i'm going down to school tomorrow to meet with professors to talk about the possibility of taking up a UROPS (undergraduate research opportunities in science) project. nothing's solid at all for now; in fact, it's kind of like a backup plan if i don't have enough cores (it can be used to fill 1 core module). so far, i've identified 5 prospective supervisors, and after not having much luck with emails, i'm going to hunt them down personally. that should give results. if not, i'll have to keep trying, hence the buffer time of 2 weeks. there's training on wednesday (i actually agreed to wake up early and cook something for some of the kids...kill me now). thursday has coaching, and friday's uncertain. in the midst of all that, i've to meet up with a secondary school friend, a few JC friends for green lantern, and my cousin, who came back to singapore last night. it's going to be kind of hectic, but fun!

-random thought of the day: Need a new gi.-

X-Men: First Class was, well, first class. lameness aside, it really was a good movie. good character development, engaging story, and spectacular special effects. i had about 12 fanboy moments throughout the entire show, the most extreme ones being when Banshee used his powers. just imagine...i've predicted worse fanboying for the upcoming green lantern movie! no spoilers as per my usual policy, but i'll just say that Stan Lee didn't cameo (at least i didn't spot him), and there's no post-credits scene. i'd definitely recommend watching it.

other than that, the last 5 days passed pretty uneventfully. team selections were going on for thursday and friday, so there wasn't really much actual coaching. i realize that i don't know how to put a team together. it's not like judo, where the existence of weight categories and belt ranks makes the job so much easier. admittedly, belt rank isn't EVERYTHING, but you can't deny that the experience and technical knowledge that a black belt has will give him an edge in competition. at any rate, the team lineup's more or less solid, and quite honestly, i don't really mind that my opinion wasn't really taken into account. considering i didn't really know what i was doing, rejecting my proposed lineup was ultimately the sensible thing to do.

tuition wasn't really remarkable. by some series of events, i'm left with just one active tuition kid — RJC girl. her performance is quite...worrying. i have this odd suspicion that she doesn't really understand everything i say. either that, or she forgets before she has a chance to review. it's just not natural for a J2 kid to not know the conditions for esterification, even after about a month of repetition! i know she's smart enough to catch it, but i can't figure out why she doesn't. so annoying. i think i have to get her to repeat it more often...maybe then it'll sink in.

talking about tuition just jogged my memory. after the movie thing yesterday, my friends and i went for a (non-alcoholic) drink. somehow, the conversation drifted to starting up a tuition centre as a joint business venture. while i am interested, i have had bad business experiences before. plus, i'm not business-ly inclined. so, i have this little bit of reservation that things will blow up in my face. then again, i trust these friends more than the friend person involved last time. well...i guess i'll sit on the decision for a bit. who knows? they may be joking as well.

the rest of the week looks busy. if everything goes according to plan, i'll be out of the house every day until friday. have to renew the car's road tax tomorrow (my dad's going to batam, otherwise i'm sure he would have done it himself), and catch kung-fu panda 2. going for judo training on wednesday, plus consultation with the CJC kids (whoever shows up). on thursday, i'll (hopefully) be meeting with a professor in school, to discuss the possibility of doing a research project under him. depending on the time, i may want to catch the new pirates movie as well...though i've heard that it's not as good as its predecessors. in the midst of all that activity, i also want to finish learning hiragana by this week, and start on katakana as soon as possible. on top of THAT, my cooking urges have resurfaced after about a week or two. looks like i have a fun week ahead.

-random thought of the day: Can someone have no secrets?-

Push...
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push...
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push...
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push...
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push.

there we go; i think that (along with the stuff i'll be blogging about) takes up enough space to chase the emo stuff away and out of immediate viewing range. it's been up there for a whole week, which i think is long enough. holidays are no time for emoing.

in the past week, my time's mostly been occupied by training camp and coaching, as well as another meeting with my JC classmates. despite all that, i still managed to find time for massive slacking and recreational pursuits. go me! this is how life should be...nice and slack, with me free to do whatever i want.

anyway, training camp was ok-ish. slacker than previous years (no malcolm park!), but i think the kids got a good workout despite missing out on the stairway to heaven. i'm happy that there was more emphasis on sparring this time round, because the kids could use the practice. hopefully, the other seniors and i did enough to convince them that brute force isn't the recommended solution in all scenarios. didn't end up staying overnight, though. i figured that i'm too old to keep that up.

throughout the training camp, there were plenty of opportunities to meet up with friends, some of whom i haven't seen in years (literally!). i definitely enjoyed catching up with them during training, as well as over meals. and despite my resolution to not get too close to the J1s, i realize that i kind of like, and have grown mildly attached to, a few of them already. well, lucky they're the minority. i still don't feel bad about not going for training.

meeting my JC classmates (4 of them) was nice as well. we went to nex for dinner, and i was quite amazed at its sheer size. believe it or not, that outing was my first time there. yes, bow before my mountain-turtleness. the thing that surprised me the most was the presence of a 2-storey pet shop in the building. i went in to have a look, and was quite disappointed. i had hoped to see cute little animals, but i think that they were taken inside for the night since it was close to closing time.

the pet shop made me think about getting a pet of my own. not necessarily now, because between school, army and work, too little people are at home long enough to attend to it properly. i'm just thinking maybe sometime in the future, when/if i've got a job with flexible hours, or in the most extreme scenario, when i retire. as i think i've mentioned some time back, i'm more of a dog person, so that's my first choice. though it's not going to happen anytime soon, i can't help but imagine what having a pet would be like. right now, the top deterrent for me is that all pets die. i'm just not good at coping with death and loss. so, this is something i'll have to consider pretty seriously when everything else falls into place.

most of this week has been taken up by coaching. one of my friends/seniors got roped in to help as well, so the stress (and the pay) is reduced. we're only seeing the older kids, so the class has been easier to handle. there are still moments where i wish i could borrow a kid for use as the uke for my kata practice, but all in all, there's significantly less headache. at least the tough part of holiday training is over; the next few sessions will mostly be team selection...which, come to think of it, is tough mentally. damn. on the bright side, i'm not the head coach, so i don't have much deciding power. nevertheless, my boss has indicated that he wants our recommendations, so i'm not completely off the hook.

after coaching today, we (my boss, senior and i) went to carnivore at vivocity for lunch. we tried to go yesterday, but they'd closed by the time we got there. anyway, it was a fairly interesting concept. sit-down, all you can eat meat buffet! definitely my kind of place. the food was good in general, except that certain bits were a little too salty, though i understand that's an unavoidable consequence of the cooking style/process. personally, i loved the fish, and grilled pineapple with ham was a new experience. the (lack of) variety was a bit of a bummer, though. for a place specializing in meats, there were only about 8 meat dishes. then again, i don't think they went all out for lunch, considering that the restaurant was around 20% occupied or less. i hear dinner's when the exotic things, like chicken hearts, come out. so, i'm definitely going back there...but after several months or so. can't indulge in this type of stuff too often.

recently, i've been doing a bit more thinking about my future. things may change eventually, but for now, i'm quite keen on the idea of going to japan after my graduation. there's this thing called the JET programme (i've blogged about it last year, i think) which i really want to apply for. somehow, i just want to get away and go somewhere where i can be alone. guess my recent desire for solitude's kind of reinforcing this. at any rate, i do want to spend a year (or two...or seven) abroad, and japan happens to be my #1 choice, nuclear radiation and all. hopefully, opportunities will present themselves.

thanks to coaching today, i missed the delivery of my magnets and putty. so annoying. have to swing by thomson post office sometime tomorrow to pick them up. well, i guess that's all i have to say for now...it's all i remember, at least. interesting stuff has been scheduled for the next few days/weeks, so i'll update when they've come to pass.

-random thought of the day: Need to catch up on movies.-

This song is kind of emo, so no prizes for guessing the tone for most of this post. having given you fair warning, i take no responsibility for affecting your mood.

i suppose a good starting place would be for me to explain why that video is up there. well, as its title implies, i'm saying goodbye to someone. yes, it's THAT someone again. we were ok around new year, but apparently, something i did (or did not do) recently pissed them off somehow. worst thing is, i have next to no idea what that thing is. i definitely have my suspicions and conjectures, but i'm not going to waste brain cells on deciding which of my several hypotheses is likely to be the actual cause.

unlike last time, i am resolved not to worry about the whys and hows. since i've received a clear, non-friendly signal. i've also decided to save myself the head/heartache and not even try to extend any attempts at reconciliation. that seems to be the best option for my health. so...yes. "goodbye to you...you were the one i loved, the one thing that i tried to hold on to"...not any more, though. not if i can help it.

now that that's off my mind, i guess i can go back to learning japanese. seems like what i've taught myself so far in about a week of on-and-off learning is covered by the lecturer in a single lecture. quite distressing, actually. better spend more time on it, so that i have a headstart next semester.

-random thought of the day: Back to hiragana!-