Japan has been experiencing record highs of new COVID cases over the past week or so, which is indicative of a second wave of disease hitting the country. this news makes me far less optimistic of being able to go over this year. realistically, i'd say the chance that we're allowed to go for JET is about 5%, unless they really get their act together, work harder to contain the spread of the virus, and go down to single-digit daily new cases by the end of this month. unfortunately, a contact who's living in japan now says that it's basically business as usual - restaurants and other commercial places are open to the public, and there doesn't appear to be any strict restrictions being enforced.

it kind of boggles my mind that japan and the US, being two of the most developed nations on earth, are having such a hard time struggling with the pandemic. i kind of understand why the US is floundering, because the government appears incompetent and the people appear to be selfish and immature. based on articles and anecdotes that i've been reading about things going on in the US, it seems that there are people who prioritize their individual comfort over the overall well-being of their community. and when asked to obey certain rules, they'll kick up a fuss about being oppressed, or having their rights infringed upon. my take is simple. just like the baker who didn't want to bake a cake for LGBT people, shops and other establishments should likewise have the right to refuse service to anyone who doesn't comply with their guidelines.

the main similarity i've identified between japan and the US, based on what i've read, is that their governments are incapable of tackling the crisis effectively. thankfully, unlike the americans, the japanese people are more socially considerate, which is why i believe that the severity of COVID in japan has been reasonably contained until recently. the biggest downfall in japan appears to be government inaction. apparently, it's difficult to get tested for COVID in japan, and the first response from doctors when seeing patients who are presenting COVID symptoms is "go home, isolate yourself, and monitor your symptoms for 4 days"...by which time any infection would be bound to worsen. it's only after that 4-day waiting period that patients have any chance of even getting tested. contrast this to singapore's approach, where at its worst, an ambulance would be dispatched to a clinic to pick up anyone suspected to be suffering from COVID, and bring them to a central location for testing and immediate quarantine if necessary. now that the number of cases is lower, i'm not sure if this is still practised.

so, i was thinking about why my previous attempts at getting fit failed. it boiled down to lack of willpower, basically, as well as lack of tracking and accountability. so, i decided to start a blog to document the process. i'm keeping it private, because i'll be uploading photos as a way to track my own progress. if i don't like seeing regular photos of myself, i won't like seeing photos of myself with less clothes on, much less letting others see those photos. so...yes. i'll also blog in a more focused way, maybe even doing things in point form. like what food i'd eaten that day, what physical activity i did, thoughts and feelings. my main concern is actually whether i'll have the mental capacity to divide my attention between two blogs, especially with the posting schedule that i'm thinking of keeping on the other side, but i figure it'll be fine. after all, my requirements for this blog aren't all that demanding (at least 1 post per calendar month, one year-end post, one new year's post).

guess that this would be a good place to end today's post, especially since i have to do another post of the other blog, just to set up some basic templates and outline some goals. it's not going to be easy, but since plan japan appears to be going out of the window for this year, might as well use the time more productively.

-random thought of the day: Stuck with Blogger in the end!-

On second thought, i'll only talk about one of my prompts from the last post - the law of proximities. well, it's not so much an actual scientific law as it is a fancy name i thought of for a concept in my head. so you may know from physics that the strength of the gravitational/electrical interaction between two objects is proportional to their masses, and inversely proportional to the square of the distance separating them. in the former case, gravitational attraction gives rise to things like planetary orbits. specifically, the earth being the distance that it is from the sun allows it to support life as we know it. my spin on this concept is, what if it could be applied to interpersonal relationships as well? not just romantic relationships, but relationships in general. different relationships work best when the people involved are at different distances, like how i've found that i can't spend too much time with certain people, whereas i wouldn't mind living with some others. and if the distance is wrong (either too near or too far), the relationship will be more difficult to maintain. by the way, "distance" here is used in a very generic way. it could be physical or emotional distance...probably a combination of both, actually. specific to me, there is one interaction (i don't even view it as a relationship any more) which is at an inappropriate distance now, and it's affecting me quite a bit because i can't remedy the situation easily.

facebook or some other website gave me an interesting ad recommendation. it was about this book called fit2fat2fit, and it details the author's process of purposely putting on weight (fit2fat) and trying to lose it again (fat2fit), in order to better empathize with his personal training clients. in a way, i think it's admirable that he chose to do that, because he definitely didn't have to "sacrifice" his fitness. it worked out for him too, because *spoiler warning* he succeeded in his challenge, and managed to articulate some things that i'd been feeling, but was unsure if they were valid. i think the main takeaway is that weight loss is a multifaceted process, not just involving the physical aspect of eating right and working out, but also mental and emotional aspects like having support from people around you, not being self-conscious or worrying what others might think (especially while working out), and also being kind to yourself in the process. while i do want to believe that it's possible to lose 30kg in 6 months as he did, i also recognize two key differences between his case and mine: (1) that he started off from a point of being already fit, and (2) that he was only undoing 6 months' worth of "damage". in my case, the last time i would call myself any measure of "fit" was when i was in NS, almost 12 years ago. even then, that would have been somewhat of a stretch. moreover, my "damage" occurred over a much longer time. i wonder though, given that i'm basically free most of the time now, would it be possible to really really dedicate myself to a similarly ridiculous fitness goal? something to think about. the author of the book also wrote that he focused mainly on nutrition for the first month of his fat2fit phase (with stretching and simple core exercises), and he lost 8kg in that month. maybe i'm really underestimating the power of a healthy diet. should consider going back to my boiled cabbage soup/stew thing.

just to give some perspective on this whole thing, i should mention that he did the fit2fat2fit thing in 2011-2012, so it was some time back. he's capitalized on that, it seems, and is now a full-time trainer/coach. in the 8-ish years since he did it, his beliefs have somewhat changed, because his youtube channel has videos talking about the ketogenic diet, and these videos were uploaded more recently. regardless, i think it might be good to challenge myself like that...although it will be hard, as i know from previous attempts. i wonder if keeping a health blog might be a good idea? won't do it here though, it might be boring. plus, if i'm going to post pictures or even my weight as a measure of progress, i don't think i want the world at large to see that. i've just been messing around on wordpress, and my goodness, it's complicated and i don't have as much control over the site design as i'd like. might create something separately on blogger.

i've spent more time than absolutely necessary on this post, mainly because i got distracted by final fantasy and wordpress. i'll publish it now, and talk about other stuff on my mind at a later date.

-random thought of the day: Majorly sidetracked today.-

Fixing my sleep schedule wasn't as hard as i'd thought it was going to be. actually, it didn't need much fixing, really...what i did was more like tweaking. the biggest hurdle is actually having the will to stay awake and get out of bed after waking up the first time. after that, it's having the discipline to sleep early enough such that i feel rested after waking up. doesn't help that time just seems to slip away sometimes.

more guild stuff happened, with lessons that translate over to real life. there are 3 things, and i guess i'll talk about them in whatever order they come to my mind. first, there was a case of over-attachment. so if you recall from a few months back, there was this guy who joined the guild and wasted no time in telling us about issues in his love life. this guy somehow formed an attraction to another player, and wanted to monopolize this player's time. it got to the point where the other player couldn't take it, and left the guild...with the first guy in hot pursuit. long story short, the issue is...not exactly resolved, but the second player is safe. that's all i'm going to say in case people come around searching for info. i guess infatuation is a dangerous thing. for context, these two players have never met in real life, and are physically separated by a few thousand km. and from the looks of it, the second player wasn't into the first romantically. this is based on the assumption that the first player was romantically attracted to the second player. admittedly, i have no evidence of this, just a hunch based on what's been observed. after all, i don't think you'd want to hang out with someone 24/7 as friends, to the point of feeling jealous when they interact with other people, right? coming back to real-life lessons, people don't owe you their time or company, no matter how much you like them. it's got to be mutual. also, learn to be happy solo and not to need company all the time. for me personally, i know that i'm likely to fall into the overly-attached category, so it's a good reminder for me as well. it's made easier by the fact that lawyer guy logs in only infrequently these days, and our timing hasn't aligned in over a month. i've been contemplating whether to reach out to him or not, but i don't have any good reason to, other than to check in on how hels doing, which seems kind of superficial.

second: we've had a mini-exodus of members recently. and by that, i mean a group of like 4 friends decided to leave the guild. members come and go, so it wasn't really a big deal. plus, with singapore coming out of circuit breaker, we kind of expected members to become less active and/or leave the guild too. moreover, it's not exactly crippling to us, considering that those 4 people represent like 1% of the guild's total member count. i will, however, admit to being surprised, as these people hadn't indicated displeasure of any sort regarding the guild prior to their departure. so, why am i blogging about it if it's apparently no big deal? well, that has to do with the timing and the way they left the guild. you see, before they left the guild, they were still asking for help to clear the last raid of the current tier. at least one guild member sat with them for 4 hours or so until they finally cleared, at which time they left without giving a reason or informing anyone. not only that, they didn't reply to the leader when he reached out to ask if anything was wrong. now, it's fully within their right to leave as and when they want and to reply (or not) to whichever messages they choose, but i just thought that it wasn't nice of them to leave the way they did. especially just after receiving so much help from another member. yes, the member did help them of his own free will, and didn't expect anything in return. that's why i said it wasn't nice, and not that it wasn't legal. anyway, my view is that that's a very short-sighted move. i mean, it may be the last raid in this tier, but there's still one more raid tier in this current expansion alone, not to mention however many more expansions that are being planned! well...i don't expect that they'll come back to us for help. but in the event that their skin is thick enough to do so, we'd most likely turn them down. the real-life lesson is that the visible action matters more than the intention to bystanders, as the action is the only thing that they see. and sometimes, just a short clarification/explanation message helps prevent others from assuming the worst of you.

what was the third thing again? oh, raiding. for once, i've managed to clear the tier while the patch is still current! it's mainly due to (1) my guild members' help, and (2) the next content patch being delayed by about a month. in the process of this tier, i've seen someone go from being new to raiding to obsessing over DPS numbers. in case you don't game, DPS stands for damage per second. it's important because you have a certain amount of time to deplete the boss's health. so, if your DPS isn't high enough, you won't make the time check. logically, it follows that higher DPS numbers are better. but there's a point when it becomes extreme/overdone. some players screen their party members by their DPS numbers, which is made possible by a third-party add-on that is technically not allowed, but the developers don't care unless DPS numbers are being used for harassment. for me, i just want to clear the fight. it's like what some people say, scoring 51 on a test is a pass, and scoring 91 is also a pass. but there are still those who want to push themselves to score as high as possible. i respect that, but not when they put others down in the process. i'm getting a little weary of hearing about "parse runs", "fun runs" and related stuff, mainly because i think it gives the more casual members the wrong (and a negative) impression of raiding, and also partially because there's a bit of envy from knowing that i can't reach that level of performance in game. there's a higher raid tier called ultimate raids, which some people in the guild are trying out. i've weighed the pros and cons several times, and my conclusion is the same - i value my mental health too much to attempt it. someone in the guild cleared it recently, and when congratulated on the achievement, this person said "it's just a useless title only". it's irrational of me, but i felt a bit...not good with that comment. if i was feeling snarky, i'd have said something like "then don't display the title". but i didn't, in the interest of maintaining the peace. i wonder why the negative feeling manifested, though. might be because i knew that that's something i'd never get. regardless, it's their effort, and what they think of their own achievement shouldn't affect me in any way.

this post went on longer than i'd expected! i'll end off here in the interest of not boring you all to death. two points which i'll save for the next post are the concept of "harmony" and a hypothesis i have which is tentatively titled "the law of proximities". another time, then!

-random thought of the day: Class on Sunday. Not enthused.-

Messing up my sleep schedule becomes more costly as i get older. for example, i was up until about 6am on saturday night/sunday morning, and i'm still feeling a little fatigued despite sleeping for 6 hours on that morning, and for close to 10 hours last night. so, i think that i can only afford to do this once or twice a year at most, and if i have to stay up for something, it'd better be worth it.

in this particular instance, i think that staying up was justified, as some of the guild committee had hotpot to celebrate a few birthdays. it's weird, even though we interact a fair bit in game and via voice chat, it still feels different to interact with them in person. even though i've been in the guild for only a year (maybe slightly less, actually), i'm grateful that i've found a new group of friends with whom i get along with pretty well. honestly, i didn't have any expectations when i joined the guild; all i wanted was to have people to play and raid with. i guess it was a reciprocal thing...the people in the guild were nice, which made me more inclined to help out and be active. they recognized my effort, which made me want to help out more...so on and so forth. although i will admit that i never expected the guild to grow to its current size of about 400 members, about 70% of whom are active. for perspective, there were only 60+ members when i joined. knowing myself, if i saw a guild of 400 members, i would really think twice about joining. so, it's actually surprising (even to myself) that i've stayed on. i guess being in the guild and watching the member count grow kind of let me slowly get acclimatized to the large numbers. in a way, i guess that it was a growing opportunity (pun intended), because now, i feel like i can at least adapt to a large organization without being intimidated by the large member count. of course, i think that joining while the numbers were relatively small also helped me to form closer relationships at the start, which maintained as the guild grew. so that definitely helped too.

of course, a hotpot dinner alone wouldn't necessitate staying up till 6am (although we ate from like 7:30 to 11pm). we also played a round of mahjong, which took about 4-5 hours? seems like we really went slow! there was no money involved, though we did keep score using chips just for the sake of it. for me, not playing for money (and playing with people with more "friendly" playing styles) was a nice change of pace from playing with scary JC friend and her group of friends. not that i don't enjoy playing with her, but there's a certain level of stress when i do, kind of like raiding. whether we played for money or not was of no difference in the end, since i was only up by a bit, and effectively broke even anyway.

as an indirect consequence of staying up so late, i'm feeling a little under the weather. it's not directly due to the staying up, actually...it was because after i got back, i went to take a shower before sleeping. and due to the fact that it was so late/early, i fell asleep before my hair had fully dried. now, i don't know if it's an old wives' tale or if there's any scientific basis behind it, but i do notice that i get cold-like symptoms whenever i fall asleep with wet hair. this time was no exception; my voice has been a little scratchy and i've been coughing a bit since i woke up yesterday. it's just something minor, which i should be able to shake off quite easily. in the event that it's persistent though, i suppose that i'll have to see the doctor within the week. doesn't help that the symptoms bear some degree of similarity to those of COVID, thankfully with the notable absence of a fever.

speaking of COVID, it seems that the daily number of new infections isn't going down. japan has it worse, with a huge spike over the past week. it makes me think that travelling to japan within this year is not going to happen. but well, i've decided to take a gamble and proceed with this year's program. i'll know either way by 30 september. and with all the waiting i've been doing so far, what's another 2-ish months? looks like my to-do list will need a huge overhaul. while i'm trying to remain optimistic and focus on things that i can do, i guess that i should also acknowledge that this SUCKS. the delay is costing me not just time, but money too! one example: selling the car. since i renewed the car's COE, it means that the car's value is basically equal to its remaining COE value now. and the value of COE diminishes over time, reaching $0 upon expiry...meaning that the later i sell it, the less money i get back. but to be fair, i'll still be using the car while i'm in singapore for tuition and other stuff, so i'm still utilizing the money in a way. the time factor is a bit more complicated. my original plan was to do JET for a year or two, maybe 3 tops. that means that i'd come off the program at about 35 years old. with the year's delay, i'd have to reduce my stay in japan by a year to achieve that same result, or stay until i'm 36. weighing the pros and cons of each option at this point, i think i'd shorten my duration of participation...unless circumstances make it attractive to stay for longer. no point thinking about that now, though.

for things that i can do now, first priority is to rectify my sleep schedule. there was a period where i was quite good with it, sleeping around or before midnight and waking up at about 8 or 9am. i think that should take a few days at most. just need the discipline to go to bed on time. next is to give the fitness plan more thought. there was a report about an infectious COVID patient going to a gym only recently, so i don't know if i want to make gym plans. perhaps (brisk)walking would be a good starting point, though i have to be wary about overenthusiastic safe distancing people. it would suck to eat a $300 fine. by right, there's a provision in the new laws which say that masks don't have to be worn when doing intense exercise. but then, there's a grey area about the term "intense", because intensity is subjective and depends on a person's age, current level of fitness, and other factors. should also wash my masks.

-random thought of the day: Need a haircut too!-

Clarification from the embassy came within 24 hours of my enquiry email. i really appreciate that they're so prompt with their responses! from the email i received, it appears that the possibilities of what's actually going to happen falls in between the two extremes that i'd thought of. the latest verified information i have is that we have 2 choices: stay on the 2020 intake, or opt for deferment to the 2021 intake. it's not all that straightforward either, because even if we opt to stay on the 2020 intake, we will still be pushed to the 2021 intake if travel restrictions between singapore and japan are still in place by 30 september this year. what this means in terms of potential departure dates is that i might get to go over sometime in november/december at the earliest, or failing that, in april/september next year as part of the 2021 intake. good to get a bit more certainty, but there's still ambiguity from not knowing if travel restrictions will be lifted in time. of course, i've only gone through just the more likely scenarios. there are other options with non-zero probabilities, like me ultimately withdrawing my participation, or the pandemic making travel impossible even for the whole of next year...but those odds are so insignificant i think that there's no need to devote too many brain cells to them.

so, i could be spending anywhere from 4 to 14 more months in singapore, and it all depends on if travel restrictions will be lifted in time. going by the figures for daily new COVID cases in japan and singapore, both of which have seen a small spike in the past week, i have my doubts on whether it will be possible. this got me thinking that actually, apart from affecting how much/little time i have in singapore, the decision of whether to go over sooner or later can also be weighed from a safety perspective. as time goes by, medical research will be more likely to yield a cure or vaccine for the disease, and people will become more accustomed to the routines and protocols for better hygiene. so, it'll probably be safer for me to go over next year, as the disease should hopefully be more under control by then. at the same time, it's not my preferred choice, due to the different set of uncertainties that follow. my main worry is financial, because i don't know if i'll be re-contracted for tuition, which is currently my only source of income.

maybe let's work through the 3 most likely scenarios and do cost-benefit analysis for each. well, i say 3, but there are effectively only 2 - depart sooner or depart later. i could opt to go for the 2020 intake, and if get news by september that i'm set to go, that's great. all i have to do is put my existing plans into action (ie. pack, settle the car, tender my resignation) and be on my way. although it seems that there are no downsides to this, there is just one - that i don't feel good about going over in my current physical condition/appearance (more appearance than condition, to be honest). i don't know how much of that i can change in the 4 or so months from now until a possible november departure, either.

the other possible outcome of opting to remain in this year's intake is that the departure date gets deferred to next year anyway. this actually seems to be similar to the first case, just that i'll have to take different actions after being told the outcome. i was about to write that this was worse than the first case due to the 2+ months of uncertainty until end-september, but then i thought about it a bit more, and realized that the 2+ months of uncertainty would be there regardless. so perhaps, this isn't so bad?

deferring my departure is the other choice i have, and in some ways, it's both a good and bad route to take. the main benefit is that it gives more certainty, like if i choose deferred departure, i can start putting all my plans into action almost immediately - finding a contract/short-term job being the main one here. but there's the flipside too, in that what if travel restrictions are eased by september, and i opted to defer my departure? that just means i've effectively set myself back a year. objectively speaking though, the odds of travel restrictions (between singapore and japan, at least) being lifted do seem kind of low. i think i might have been subconsciously influenced by reddit, which sees a larger US/UK population. with the current state of COVID in the US, i think most shortlisted applicants there have resigned themselves to not being able to go over to japan this year. i don't know how the situation will be for singapore, and the embassy says that their guess is as good as mine, so...yes. that's really nothing to go by.

i think what i'll do is to indicate my preference to still be considered with this year's intake. at the same time, i'll prepare a contingency in case all departures are delayed to next year. that will mainly involve a job search, a detailed fitness plan, and possibly exploring the option of moving out for the interim period. not going to be too focused on that last one; like, it would be nice if the opportunity came about, but i'm not going to actively search in that regard.

after all the internal debate, i guess that leaves me with one actionable now - email the nice embassy lady to tell her that i'm choosing to remain on this year's intake. it will mean another period of limbo (2.5 months, approximately), but i think all things considered, it's the best possible choice given the circumstances. i just hope my analysis has been accurate so far.

-random thought of the day: Raiding woes again.-

With the news of JET from other countries being posted on the internet, i knew that the embassy would send us an official communication sooner or later. that came today, and the information tallies with what shortlisted applicants from other countries have received - that JET is postponed, and may even be deferred to next year depending on the status of travel restrictions to japan. it sucks, but there's really not much that can be done. like applicants in other countries, we were also asked to choose between remaining on the 2020 program, or deferring our departure to the 2021 program. i'm assuming that we don't have to reapply for 2021, since the exact term used was "postpone [our] participation". i've already written back to seek clarification on some details about the first option, because if not getting to go over if travel restrictions aren't lifted in september means a year's delay by default, i might as well save myself the agonizing over the uncertainty and just opt to defer. having said that, there's still the possibility of not getting to go over next year if the pandemic situation doesn't improve, but that would be a huge failure of the world as a whole. my decision is still up in the air for now; i'll finalize it depending on whether the options are actually interpreted as i understand them.

i guess this gives some insight into my decision-making process. for this case in particular, my decision boils down to whether i'm willing to tolerate uncertainty for a chance at getting a more favourable outcome, or opt for a less favourable but more certain outcome. the latter is "safer" in a sense, since i'll be able to plan things better, but i think that if i was asked to choose based on current circumstances, information, and understanding, i'd still go for the former. still, it's better that i wait for the clarification to come in before anything else.

came close to clearing the last raid fight last night, thanks to help from several guild members. "close" here means we got the boss down to 0.1% health before the time ran out and she killed us all. that happened twice, by the way, out of a total of over 20 attempts. it was mildly frustrating, because this fight has several mechanics that require correct execution from everyone, and sometimes people just messed up their parts. i was guilty of this a couple of times too, so i shouldn't be too harsh on them. the thing that was slightly more upsetting was that most of them had cleared the fight, but still made mistakes. that's also due to some of their sleep schedules being messed up. there are two conflicting things here, (1) that i should be grateful that they bothered to help me at all, vs (2) they should not be making mistakes as they're experienced with the fight. it's the same mental conflict from the previous tier, and i think the best way to approach this is from a perspective of gratitude. after all, they're volunteering their time with no expectation of getting anything back, and it's only human to make mistakes. at the same time, my frustrations at not being able to clear the fight are valid, but i should be mindful not to take them out on people who are helping me. seems easier said than done, but i figure worst case is i can mute myself so nobody hears anything i say.

partly due to frustration that JET has been delayed, and also partly out of scientific curiosity, i went to read up a bit more on why COVID had escalated into a pandemic, as opposed to SARS, which was brought under control within about half a year or so (at least in singapore). what i learnt was that SARS seems to be more severe than COVID, but in contrast to SARS, where the patient only becomes infectious after symptoms manifest, the COVID virus can be transmitted before the patient shows symptoms, thus making it more difficult to contain. after all, most healthcare authorities wouldn't test seemingly healthy people as that would strain the healthcare system and add mostly-unnecessary cost. i'm not a virologist or infectious disease expert by any means, but i think that the concept of a circuit breaker/lockdown would be the fastest way to eliminate the virus. what i'd do differently, however, is announce the lockdown ahead of time so that panic buying is reduced. but i would implement a harsher lockdown - no external contact at all, be it food delivery or outdoor exercise. i think that would be the best way, as it would really contain the virus within existing patients and minimize the possibility of transmission. of course, there are very many factors which i'm not considering, like what if families are unable to cook for themselves in this period, or the tremendous social and economic cost that supporting such a drastic measure would require. not to mention it doesn't address asymptomatic carriers, who may be infectious but appear perfectly healthy. maybe that's why i'm not a policy maker in the government...

to end off, i guess that i should remind myself that there is still time, both for JET and for raiding. at least i have a good shot of clearing the raid tonight, so here's hoping. i need to come up with a solid plan, also for things to do in this extended limbo period. interesting prompt for a future post, inspired by a youtube video that i'm watching: is it ok to support/like something if you disagree with its creator?

-random thought of the day: Nice cool day today.-

Let me get 2 major thoughts out in this post. first, politics. while i don't consider myself particularly "woke" politically, i'd say that i have a vested interest in singapore politics simply by virtue of being a citizen of the country. because of that, and also because i experience daily life in the country as a regular singaporean, my opinion towards politics is valid and has been shaped by things going on in my daily life. i'm incredibly happy and proud that my constituency will now be managed by the opposition. we were one of the major upsets, i think, and i hope this sends a message to the ruling party. looking forward, i'm quite excited to see how things will change in my estate. of course, i'm not so delusional as to believe that things will change overnight for singapore as a whole, but this is a good start. personally, i'm (again) happy and proud that i did my civic duty, and that the results were what i consider favourable. i'm also eager to engage with my new MPs, especially the one who's widely considered to have been the MVP of this election.

while most of the results were as predicted, i'm particularly saddened by 3 opposition losses. i feel that these opposition candidates were more qualified and/or more likeable than their opponents from the ruling party in those districts. but that's democracy, i guess. people vote for what they feel is right/better, but there's a whole lot of subjectivity in that definition. i kind of want to reach out to one of the candidates, even though i don't know him personally, just to send him well-wishes. is that weird? well, i made initial contact with his facebook page, so let's see how that plays out.

understandably, there's been a lot of anger at opposition losses, especially in areas where they lost to members of the ruling party who have been responsible for tone-deaf/aggravating statements and/or actions, aka. just being out of touch with the common singaporean. i can understand people being angry when the outcome wasn't to their desire. but to be objective, some of this anger is wildly blown out of proportion. i wonder if i'd react similarly, if the opposition hadn't won here? perhaps, but i wouldn't go about broadcasting it on social media, like some people have been doing (apart from bligging about it, i guess). actually, there's been a fair bit of irrationality as far as this election is concerned, including holding it in the middle of a pandemic. there was a voice recording of someone saying "if it was a contest between [ruling party] and a monkey, i'd vote for the monkey". i guess that that's also an expression of dissent from the ground, but it's not to be taken literally, of course...mainly because an actual monkey will never be an eligible candidate in singapore.

one other good thing that came out of this election is that i got to meet up with the chemistry guys yesterday. we had lunch at one of their houses, and caught up on the one year or so that went by without us meeting up. i remember that the last time we were gathered together was in june last year at the airport, just after flying back from the china wedding. apparently there might have been a guild house dinner sometime between then and now, but i don't remember it. it was nice to catch up with them, and see how they're progressing with life. one of them's had a baby, which makes me feel...odd. i guess it's just me being reminded of my age. while i'm happy that they're all doing well (as well can can be done given the circumstances, at any rate), it sucks that COVID has messed up some of their plans and made some of them adopt slightly unusual working hours. but i'm confident that they'll pull through.

as for myself, i'm less confident. that segues nicely in to my second main thought, which is about JET. it seems that the previously-unofficial news is slowly becoming official in different countries, and i've no reason to believe that singapore will be an exception. so, i think it's prudent for me to work on the assumption that if travel restrictions between singapore and japan don't ease by the end of september, my application will be automatically deferred to next year, with the option of going over early if (1)travel restrictions ease, and (2)there's a vacancy available. i have conflicting thoughts over my next step, because assuming september departure doesn't work out, i can either go over sooner but not have a fixed departure date, or go over at a known but much later date. why does this remind me of the heisenberg uncertainty principle? if i had things my way, i'd go over at a known early date, but i don't think that that's a viable option now. actually no. if i REALLY had my way, i'd be in japan now.

i hope you can see how this uncertainty affects my planning. logically, the most sensible option i can see right now is to bite the bullet and opt for the known later departure date, while securing temporary/contract jobs in this interim period. this seems to be the option that the chemistry guys favour as well; one of them was telling me that a one-year research fellow contract would work for me. but upon further thought and reflection, i don't feel quite ready to go back into academic research. ideally, i'd opt to go over anytime, and look for a job with a short notice period (1 to 2 weeks). but do those jobs exist? i suppose there's the option to break contract, but that's just not nice all around.

there is one other option within the realm of possibility that i should acknowledge as well, and that is to simply give up on JET, and resign myself to spend the foreseeable future in singapore. while this would be the safest option (health-wise and financially), it's not one that i'm willing to consider just yet. the annoying thing is, there's no "right" answer on how long to wait for before giving up. it's a balance between how much JET means to me vs. how long i can afford to put life on semi-hold for it. while i'm fairly certain that my answer will change in future, my current thought is that i'll give it up to next year. after all, this pandemic is a really exceptional circumstance, and things would have progressed smoothly otherwise. i think i'll wait for a bit, until the singapore side officially releases news, and see if that changes anything for me.

-random thought of the day: My friend's applying to the IP firm!-

News about JET has arrived - not from the embassy, but from various other reliable sources. it seems the latest information is that only JET applicants whose countries no longer face travel restrictions to japan by september will be allowed to go for JET this year. the outlook isn't optimistic either, as a few prefectures in japan have already made plans based on the assumption that there won't be any new JETs for the year. i'm not sure if singapore will still be travel-banned by that time, so perhaps it's wise to start formulating some backup plans while still hoping that things work out. it's ok to be optimistic, but not to the point of stupidity.

currently, the best-case scenario would be on-time departure, in which case i won't have to make very major changes to my plans. i trust that the embassy will give me a minimum of a week's reaction time, which will basically be all the time i need to settle stuff here and prep to go over. however, in light of the above news, the probability of the best-case scenario happening seems next to zero. the next-best case would be delayed departure - say, maybe to october or november, but at least still within the year. this won't be that bad, as the only plan i'll have to change is the date of my resignation from the learning lab. given enough advance notice, i'll definitely be able to work with this.

moving to less-good scenarios, next one on the list is that i'm still confirmed to go, but at a much later date (like sometime next year). i feel that this is worse for me as it introduces more variables into an already uncertain situation. for one, my contract with the learning lab is up for renewal in december, so if they choose not to renew my contract due to a COVID-influenced business decision or some other reason, i'll be missing a source of income for a number of months (between 4 to 8 months, depending on when they decide to send me over). i'd say that with my current knowledge and information about how singapore is handling the pandemic, i think that this is the most likely scenario to happen, which is not good as it means that i've effectively been delayed another year.

finally, the worst-case scenario. to me, that's them simply cancelling JET this year, and asking me to reapply afresh with the next intake. not only does this scenario contain all the disadvantages from the previous scenario, it also means that i'll have to go through the hassle of putting my application package together again, ie. more costs incurred from medical examinations, X-rays, getting another certificate of clearance, etc. fortunately, i think that the probability of this happening is low as well. if JET was to be cancelled this year, i'd guess that the embassy would prioritize shortlisted candidates who had accepted the offer in good faith for the next intake. but that bridge is some ways into the future, and there are more imminent bridges to cross first.

in planning for the future, i think that a wise choice would be to find a short-term or contract job, because that offers more flexibility. to be tied down by a permanent job when finally given clearance to depart for japan wouldn't be good as well. i've started poking around on jobstreet again, and i'm actually quite surprised to see that there are still a good number of chemistry-related job ads. the IP firm is still hiring, but i'll talk more about that later. perhaps due to the salary range that i used to filter job ads, most results returned were for permanent jobs, although i did see a few contract options. if i were to go for a one-year contract, the timing would be a little risky as my end-date would be august or september next year (after factoring in processing time, unsuccessful applications, etc.), which may slightly overlap with JET departure. an alternative would be to ask for a full-time teaching position at the learning lab; the main advantages here being that the processing time would be much shorter. assuming that they have a vacancy for me, that is. disadvantages include being more at risk of COVID due to increased exposure to kids, having regular classes of kids, and having to teach the same basic content over and over again.

first of all, i have to ask myself what job would i feel comfortable doing? the most ideal would be a lab manager-ish role, although i think there isn't much room there in terms of career progression. or maybe i don't know the full picture, which is highly possible. i was also thinking of doing something IP-related again, but i'm not sure. the main problem is, i feel that the whole concept of IP conflicts with one of my strong beliefs - that knowledge should be free - "free" here meaning both commonly-used senses of the word, freely available to everyone and not costing any money. that's why i never accepted any fees for teaching judo back when i was still actively practising. but there's a complication. have you spotted it yet? it's hypocritical of me to advocate for knowledge to be separate from money when i've been earning money through giving tuition for the past 14 years. although it can be argued that tuition is more about helping kids score well for exams than actually imparting knowledge, i think that that's just nitpicking. so, at the end of the day, i have to accept that there's an inconsistency here. perhaps another difference is that things that people want to patent have to be novel, whereas content that is being taught is already well-established. i can understand why people want to protect their discoveries, mainly to ward off competition and to make money. to be fair, i'd want to protect the fruits of my labour too, especially if that discovery was revolutionary. can you imagine how much money a cure for HIV would make? and i mean a complete cure, like one dose would render a patient virus-free. in fact, the inventor of a COVID cure or vaccine now would be swimming in cash too. but i'm straying from the point.

next question is when should i put this plan into action? considering that companies typically have a turnaround time of anywhere from 2 weeks to a month, it seems inevitable that there will be some lag time between me knowing of a negative JET outcome and landing another job. i think what i can do is to maintain status quo for now; after all, who knows what new updates might come in the future? thankfully i haven't done anything irreversible yet. at the same time, i'll start to be more active on jobstreet and linkedin, dust off my resume, keep an eye out for potential part-time gigs and all that. either way, it seems that 30 september will be the hard deadline for me to find out about whether i'll get to go on JET this year or not. work aside, i think i also need to start working on my health and fitness. i've said that several times in the past few months, but progress has been basically nonexistent. the thought here was that i'd make faster progress in japan...healthier food options, less stress, and just generally being happier living on my own. but now that that may not materialize as soon as i'd like (or at all), it's an indication that i should make the best of my current situation.

-random thought of the day: Voting tomorrow!-

I've received a lot of odd youtube recommendations recently, and that's led me to think a bit more about two issues that are kind of overlooked by the general public. the first issue is linked to a video series entitled "old gays...", where 4 older gay guys (in their 60s-70s) do various things like react to photos, dress up in halloween costumes, talk about their lives, etc. i think it's quite wholesome content! two of their videos stood out in particular to me, one where they reacted to photos of their younger selves, and another where they reacted to mean comments left on their other videos. the former reminded me that looks do fade with time, so it's probably more worthwhile to focus on inner beauty; and the latter showed me just how much strength they had, to look past homophobia and ageism. then again, they grew up in a world that was far less accepting, so i guess they had to learn to be strong real fast. i thought it was particularly admirable that they could laugh at themselves, and admit that they were getting old. they didn't sugar-coat it either, as evident from their series name, which didn't use more politically-correct terms like "elderly" or "senior citizen".

more importantly, the videos reminded me that older LGBT people do exist. if i asked you to imagine a generic LGBT person, chances are you'd imagine someone in their teens, twenties, thirties, maybe forties at most. i suppose your own age also plays a factor, in that you'd tend to imagine someone close to your age. but the point is, we don't really hear much about LGBT people past the age of 40 - famous LGBT people aside, that is. so, it's a good reminder that LGBT people don't just fade away or become celibate after the age of 40. personally, i'm lucky to know real-life examples of older gay guys, jedi master and his partner being 2 of them, and i can tap on their experience in this area. i think, as my generation grows older, more community-led initiatives to support older LGBT people will spring up...at least i hope that they will.

next issue is about transgender people, and that was brought about by a recommendation for a video about a trans guy whose basically transitioned as much as possible. he's had surgery done on both his top and bottom regions, and can basically be considered male except for the biological limitation of not being able to produce sperm. but then, some biological males are infertile too, so i don't think that that disqualifies him in the slightest from being male. i've spoken about my stance towards trans people before, so i won't repeat myself. i just find it weird that other cis-gendered people feel the need to antagonize trans people by referring to them by their biological sex. this guy has been really open about his transition, including about the aforementioned surgeries, and i think that he's a great source of information and inspiration to any people who think that they might be trans, as well as people who want to learn more about trans people. incidentally, he looks really good too! i was super impressed to learn that he has a girlfriend, and they are planning to get married soon! i think that they probably would have been married by now, if not for COVID. from what i've learnt watching their videos, it seems that they were best friends first, and had become friends before the guy transitioned (ie. while he was still biologically female). i guess it's an example of a strong relationship starting from a strong friendship, because as if there wasn't enough stigma already just from being/dating a trans person respectively, they're also a mixed-race couple. so i'm quite happy that they're happy.

blogging about youtube and LGBT stuff made me recall one more thing. there was a recommendation for a harley quinn animated series as well. initially, i thought that it was just another remake or something, but after like a few minutes of viewing, it became clear that that wasn't the case. there was uncensored profanity, and i was quite impressed that the writers were willing to write a same-sex relationship between two of the main characters. it's proof that society is progressing, i guess, but there's still a long long way to go on a whole.

think i'll stop here for today. there's still a bit on my mind, like dirty politics, but i think it might be safer to keep those thoughts to myself. i'm still ridiculously surprised that some people are planning to vote the way that they're going to, despite the goings-on and things done by both sides. but then, that's a feature of a democratic voting system...people have the right to vote for whoever they want, regardless of how stupid the choice may be to other people. it appears to be true that people vote based on emotion, not logic. it's amazing how people can seemingly forget everything that's been going on over the past few years after a few campaign rallies. by the way, i have not named any political parties, and depending on your political inclinations, you may read this as either supporting the ruling party or the opposition. i'll leave it to your imagination which one i support.

-random thought of the day: Lunch with the chemistry guys on polling day!-

Realized that my last 2 posts have been uncharacteristically long, maybe because i just wrote without thinking. a historical figure was quoted as saying, "i'd write you a shorter letter, but i didn't have the time". so, i'm aiming to go shorter, use more concise sentences, be direct to the points, and to spend more time proofreading before publishing.

information on JET came, but it was information that there was a delay in actual information. apparently the JET people needs more time to make a decision. for the record, i'm incredibly grateful that the embassy has been good on giving us updates within their stipulated deadlines. objectively, that's not saying much in terms of whether or not the program will go on as planned, so i'm trying to keep my perspective balanced. but there's this nagging fear that's been caused by the delay, because the outcomes linked to a delay generally aren't positive in my mind. well...i should remember that a delay may not always be bad - think of the people who got delayed going to work at the world trade centre on 11 september 2001; and try to keep neutral until the next update comes. the email said that a "few more days" are needed, so a reasonable time to gently request for an update would be...the middle of the month? i don't want to speculate too much, but it seems that schools in japan have been offering existing JETs (even those at the end of their candidature) the option to extend their contracts in view of COVID. so, available positions may be fewer than anticipated.

sent the car for servicing today, after making a carousell delivery. on the way to the buyer's house, i noticed that the mileage was dangerously close to the mileage where the next service was due. in getting to the workshop, i think i exceeded that by a couple of tens of km, but no harm done in the end. i'm sure they have some buffer time planned in, and the car won't just break down upon hitting 10000km after a servicing. i was in two minds about whether to service the car or not, considering that i might not be able to use it for very long more, but i figured that i should treat it well. after all, it's never let me down. and if i do end up selling it to my uncle, there's accountability on my end too.

while at the workshop, i was talking to the lady boss about politics. you know, upcoming election and all. apparently, more people are dissatisfied with the ruling party. but this same phenomenon was also observed last election, yet the ruling party came out of it stronger. i wonder if there's truth to the "silent majority, vocal minority" thing. or maybe it's confirmation bias. people who support a particular side will be more likely to surround themselves with fellow supporters, and be less interested in the goings-on of the other side. it also got me wondering about exactly how effective this campaigning is going to be. i'd actually be surprised to learn about any fence-sitters. singapore's political landscape is quite simple, i think. for me, i don't even bother with any of the party manifestos or whatever, because i already know exactly who i'm going to vote for, and no amount of campaigning by either side will change my mind. as i was driving around today, i noticed campaigning ads on lampposts. interestingly, the ruling party's ads were on top of the opposition's. i'm sure that there's no hidden meaning intended, but it could be read as the ruling party being "above" the opposition. i choose to read it a different way, though - that the opposition is closer to the (literal) grassroots.

got an income tax bill, for the first time ever! i'm only paying slightly above the bare minimum, so i think that's acceptable. now i can finally use "as a taxpayer..." in arguments. although realistically, the amount of tax i'm due to pay is what an MP makes in like, a quarter of a day. oh, that reminds me. i need to find out about the tax arrangements if i work in japan.

last point, on scambaiting (refer to yesterday's post for details). i realize that i feel vindictively happy that the scammers are getting scammed. what the guy said was true - the longer the scammers were tied up on the phone with him, the less time they had to scam unsuspecting people. still amazes me that people fall for the scams, because the scammers are stupid and can't hold a lie together. but at the same time, i acknowledge old people who are unfamiliar with technology may feel pressured or intimidated into following the instructions. the reason i feel joy, and vindictive joy in particular when these scammers fall for the bait, is because those scammers are getting a taste of their own medicine. i've heard them get downright abusive to who they think is an old lady on the other end of the line, with shouting, cursing, etc. i wonder if that's a problem with india. granted, i don't know much about the country or its culture, but news reports about gang rape and torture seem to suggest that it's still very male-centric, and women are treated as inferior, or even as objects to serve men. quite infuriating. that's how prejudice starts, i guess. something negative about a race/country/religion becomes a stereotype, and that stereotype spreads far and wide to the point where an average person from that race/country/religion gets profiled. i guess it's important to remember that not everyone is bad, but the few bad eggs cause the whole image to be tainted.

-random thought of the day: Hoping for change.-