Let me start by reiterating yesterday's apology. please take note i do not mean to sound proud/arrogant/haolian.

today was definitely started negatively, being almost late for school and all. we had only 4 periods of class, and i fell asleep in the gp lecture. another not-good sign. fortunately, made it back on time (actually, an hour early) but my results got held back due to my inappropriate attire. when the result slip came back, i saw:

English One A
History Two A
Combined Humanities Two A
Mathematics One A
Additional Mathematics Three B
Physics Two A
Chemistry One A
Chinese Three B
Chinese Oral/Aural Merit

something like that, but more neatly aligned. this means that my L1R5 is 9 (-1) for CCA (objective 1 met) and my chem A1 is here (objective 2 met). while i should be (and am) more than contented with my lot, i can't help but feel that maybe i could have done that *tiny* bit extra to push my amaths and chinese up to at least a 2, and my physics up to a 1. but what's there isn't going to change, and i have to accept it. besides, it's not as though 8 is a horrible score. in fact, i'm rather proud of it, considering the amount of study i (didn't) put in.

so now, the question comes again. where do i go from here? after consultation with teachers, my logical choices seem to be (appealing to) VJ, AJ, TJ, or just staying in CJ. somehow, i think i'm going to feel horribly guilty for leaving CJ. i mean, it *was* my introduction to JC life. also, i don't know how i can look the judo team in the eye and tell them that i may not be staying after all.

oh well. i expect the big guy in the clouds has already laid my plans out for me. i'll see how my appeal goes, then make the decisions from there. i have a hunch/premonition that the possibility of VJ accepting me is anywhere from 30% to 70%. not as accurate as my usual predictions, but i really don't know.

lastly, some parting words, given by my cousin, "...don't let people talk you down or make you feel stupid. Be confident and proud of your achievements." and in other (totally unrelated) news, i feel like only going for training tomorrow. should i skip?

-thingy of the day: It is a really bad idea to practice breakfalls on a wooden floor.-

2 things to say before i go to sleep:

- my apologies in advance if i offend anyone tomorrow, whether it's bacause my results are too good or too bad (more likely bad than good).
- i'll blog about the judo competition and my experiences tomorrow.

-thingy of the day: What will be will be.-

1...2...3...4...

yes, weird way to start an entry. but it's the effect of listening to too much of the orientation music. it's really really fun to put the track on repeat and try to sing along. i think i only got 5% of the lyrics right. michael jackson sings in a voice that's way too high for a guy, and the second part of the song's not in a language i understand. maybe the lyrics will eventually stick in my head after a few thousand listens or so.

siasuaying myself in front of the judo team has become my newest, favouritest hobby. i feel so...unaccomplished, not being able to hold someone down for a full 25 seconds. i think i only managed 10+ seconds, which would give me the lowest point in the scoring system. i really really must get better. question is, how? maybe i should stay back on saturdays to seek help from the bosses. i will not settle for being second-best in something which i'm truly interested in and (i believe) i have potential for.

i've just realized one of my friends is in 3 CCAs. and all 3 are the extermely taxing type, namely judo, track, and odac. i wonder how he'll survive. if he does indeed come out alive at the end of 2 years in whatever jc he chooses, i think his PEARLS points will skyrocket, maybe to 40. as for me, i'm finding that just ONE CCA is already almost more than i can handle. i was thinking of 2 at first, but realized that my choices would have me staying back late every single day of the week. i'm not ready for that kind of long hours yet. well, not every day, at least.

it's official that o-level results will be released on monday. so much for the confirmed rumour of friday. we have the weekend to stress, worry, and visit every place of worship known to mankind. i promise myself that my weekend will be worry-free. all the pressure can come back on monday. this weekend, i will enjoy myself as much as i can, for after that, the full pressure of jc life will come crashing down. i honestly want to stay in cjc, but equally honestly, i want to leave too. doesn't make that much sense right? oh well. what's done is done. as mentioned rather many times, staying or leaving will depend on results, with 13 being the lucky number.

i'm not tping properly. i need sleep.

-thingy of the day: "Treasure every opportunity you get to dance in the rain and sing in the shower."-

Taking 156 at SJI or CJC at around 7pm is not wise. the bus is *packed*. by packed, i mean "to almost sardine-like standard". there was hardly any room to move about, and some people worsen the situation by pushing like crazy. controlling the urge to hit said people upside the head with a sweaty gi is not easy. luckily (for them and for me), there wasn't much space to swing the gi at them.

so, some people may ask, what were you doing on bus 156 at 7+pm? well, i was at SJI for training. tuesday trainings are pretty exhausting, seeing that it's just after PE, with only a 5-minute break during the bus ride to SJI. it was pretty routine stuff, but we've graduated from doing back and side breakfalls to directly doing front and rolling ones. i feel accomplished. i guess i overestimated myself a bit, trying to spar with the big boss and all. didn't manage to throw him or even break his balance successfully. must get better and (literally) sweep him off his feet. as a result, i've decided to try and attend all training sessions, even the not-yet compulsory ones on thursdays.

the dreaded day draws ever closer. the 98% accurate rumour is that o-level results will be released this friday. funnily, i'm not as worried as i ought to be. maybe it's because what's done is done, no changing it. i'm not setting my expectations that high, maybe =<12, and a chem A1. if these conditions are met, i'd be satisfied, but not exactly over the moon. conversely, if my chem does not score the A1 that i know i'm capable of, i think i'll just cry. seriously.

i don't know whether to go down to marina south tomorrow or help the sec 4s in cat high. even though i say i don't feel like going down for the training, i always end up there for about 3 hours. i think i'll stay in cat high tomorrow. really don't feel like coming home at 8+pm and getting insufficient sleep again.

still got chem tutorial to do. boring. but still, must focus. this is the first time since sec 3 term 1 i got below an A1 for any chem test. i will master AMS, especially the mass spectrum. not to forget the other topics and that new thing on atomic structure. it looks tough at first sight, but so did electrolysis, organic chem and energy of reactions. going by the trend, the new topics aren't going to be a problem.

-thingy of the day: Judo brings people down to earth.-

To quote a 4-6 phrase, i'm "SOOOOOO TIIIIIIRED!!!!!" today was spent rather fruitfully (well, depending on your idea of "fruitful"). bought a new pair of shoes to replace my retiring new balances, which have been under my abuse since 2001 or so. quite happy. can't wait to try them out tomorrow.

i'm also feeling angry and under pressure. really weird combination of feelings. anyway, "angry" comes from the fact that someone misplaced my MP3 wire, most probably while trying to "tidy up" my personal space. what's ironic is, there was an agreement that nobody other than the owner (ie. me) is allowed to move the things in there. it's so irritating. and then i get blamed for losing something which i did not lose, and for not keeping my place as tidy as expected. sometimes i wonder why give me full control/authority/possession over an area, then tell me exactly what to do with it. i'm gradually losing respect for a certain someone, because *gender withheld* is always screaming at others to cover up something which *gender withheld* has been mistaken in.

under pressure is because my 2 econs mindmaps are due before tomorrow. currently, they're still in my mind. i can just imagine telling Ms. Tan "but...but...but that's what mindmaps are...they stay in the mind..." i'm sure she'll be less than pleased. oh well. must at least chiong one before tomorrow. the economic systems one can wait for a while. and that's not the end of my academic worries. the thing which i've feared most is slowly but surely coming true. my chem's slipping up. of course, i could blame it on a million factors, like my teacher, the lecturer, the learning environment, the standard of the school, the lecture notes' material, but in the end, it would be denial. i think i've been too laid back in my learning. my natural quick absorption's almost gone. a-level stuff isn't as easy as what i did last year. must totally change my mindset and ask for extra help in order to stay on top. after all, chem's the only thing that keeps me going (and keeps my average up). if i can't excel in my best subject, i'm basically screwed.

not to forget the tons of gp articles which have yet to be done. whoopee. better go do up that mindmap now.

-thingy of the day: The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.-

Firstly, happy CNY. it's a bit late, but still...anyway, kids can sure do a lot of growing in a year. my cousins' children are all walking already. to think that they were still nonexistent in 2002. celebrations were less fun than previous years' though. i think it's mainly due to the fact that my grandparents aren't around to organize everything anymore. they really knew how to amplify the festiveness of it all.

next, valentines' day. i feel so loved, thanks to all the nice lovely wonderful thoughtful presents. i'll take this opportunity to say a big "THANK YOU!!" to eleanor, gen, weng, pris, alvernia, and everyone else who gave me something. now i feel so bad that i didn't prepare anything for anyone. all members of 1T37, feel free to shoot me. in the spirit of giving, i actually went to donate blood. someone stuck something on me, and i realized it said "be nice to me, this is my first time". somehow, i think the nurses noticed that. they were exceedingly nice, and made my first experience a memorable one (in a good way of course). the spot where they poked the needle in still hurts occasionally, but it should recover by tomorrow.

can't wait to start training again. the long CNY break means that i haven't been on the mats since a week ago. the novelty of judo is taking surprisingly long to wear off. i think i've found my choice sport. it's FUN. but there's still a long way to go. plenty of improvement room.

ah well. better be heading off now. there's a maths test tomorrow. so irritating.

-thingy of the day: "Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper."-

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

i absolutely hate it when my nose starts to run. it means that i have to waste energy catching it. in all seriousness, i'm bloody pissed off now. nasal roblems are just one of the reasons. the other shall not be mentioned here, but Undertaker eyes do come in useful sometimes.

the panadol which was taken about an hour ago does not seem to be working. in fact, it's given me a headache now. ok, so i'm not entirely sure that the headache was the panadol's fault, but i need something on which to pin the blame. maybe i'm not that smart, taking panadol for a runny nose.

anyway, CNY celebrations tomorrow. "celebrations" because there'll be more than one. as if that wasn't obvious. planned on watching Shall We Dance, but somehow, i think today's the last day they're screening it. ah well. another opportunity forgone.

if anyone remembers my first post of 2005, they'll most likely recall that one of my major new year resolutions was not to judge people based on first impressions. it's a lot more difficult to keep than it sounds. already, i think i'm guilty of judging a person (who shall be known as "Z" for anonymity and convenience). to the rest of 1T37, Z is pretty ok, but from what i gather, Z has been saying some not-so-nice things about me behind my back. to make it worse, Z hasn't been too discrete about it, resulting in these things becoming sort of an open secret. not that wise of a move, really.

i sort of realize i've been going on and on about this thing in my last few posts, which shows that this issue is rather serious. so far, tolerance appears to be working, although i don't know how long more it will. i hope nobody has to see anything they shouldn't if patience wears thin.

now, all i have to do is hope that my nose clears up in time for tomorrow. it wouldn't be nice (or safe or hygenic or convenient) to travel around with a nose running at over 50km/h.

one last roar to vent irritated-ness:
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGRRH

-thingy of the day: It's a bad idea to inhale water.-

I'm in a random, spontaneous mood now. let's take care of that:

WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

ok then. as i was saying, there's virtually no blogging material these days. it seems that my life revolves around school, judo, and the occasional outing.

i have a feeling that someone is saying not-so-nice things about me that i'm not supposed to know about. but oh well. let them say what they like. not confirming or denying anything. that's the best way to handle a situation.

got a chinese thing tomorrow. didn't study. think i left my notes in school. yay.

-thingy of the day: Confucius says man who runs behind car gets exhausted.-