Mid-years are all gone. and i mean that in both ways, chronologically and results-wise. ok, so they were gone yesterday, and i'm a bit lagging in updates. but oh well. contrary to my previous thoughts, econs didn't give me the most trouble this time round. that distinct honour goes to maths instead. i swear, they give us easy stuff in lectures and tutorials (some of which i still can't do. the shame!), then they murder us in exams. at this rate, i think i'll be in CJC for another year. anyway, it's over, so there's no use agonizing over it (at least until the papers come back).

so, as usual, we had a class outing after the NE paper. went to watch Scary Movie 4. now i don't know if it's because we went in late, or because the censorship board was a little too trigger-happy, but the movie seemed rather short. but i think it was pretty good. not because of any emotional depth or anything. conversely, the movie was good because there was no depth at all, just scene after scene of comedy. i haven't laughed so hard or so much in quite a while. shallow as it may be, it's taught me one important thing, which is things don't appear as scary as before once you can make it into something humourous. kind of reminds you of the boggart in book 3 of harry potter, no?

to celebrate the end of major exams (for the next 10 weeks at least), we also went for pool. ended up fighting to a 3-3 draw. then it was a marathon mahjong session until like 1:10am. it seems like mahjong is not my game. i always end up losing the most. i guess i'd better stick to recreational mahjong instead, where my wallet won't suffer.

yesterday was the latest i'd ever reached home. at 2:00+ am. it's pretty freaky, walking along the corridors alone in prefectly quiet surroundings. most definitely a new experience, and a disincentive for me to come back that late again. it's not exactly fun to walk alone at such a late hour.

oh. i've wanted to say this for a while: the world cup's started. yes, i know i'm more than 10 days late. actually, the world cup (or in fact, soccer in general) isn't that big a deal to me. but i thought i should at least acknowledge it's presence, since it's such a big event and all. but if it really matters, the team i support is germany by default. not because they're the host, but because of oliver kahn. yes, i do know he's not playing this time around (and most likely never again), but i saw him in action in the past, and well, it may seem like a silly reason to support a team based on one player, but i'm doing it anyway. it's all for fun after all.

so, i think that about covers it on my big (non-physical) list of things to blog about. i think i should be going off to sleep or something like that, since there might be training tomorrow. need to get in fighting form for nationals.

-random thought of the day: It's better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.-

The exams are almost over. yays. here's the status report so far. econs yesterday was pretty manageable, and i'm thinking that passing is in sight. as for physics today, oh boy. totally bad experience. at least i managed to finish the paper, unlike some schoolmates who had above 40 marks of unanswered questions. but still, i think i gave the examiners back all 20 marks in the MCQ. i'm not too optimistic this time, predicting a D at best.

just when i thought my nightmare was over, i realized that it hadn't even started yet. maths tomorrow will most definitely be my undoing. i'm still a little hazy on certain concepts, which i have to read over later. stuff like vectors, trigo, numerical methods, and integration. i loathe integration. oh well. after this year, i'll probably never have to use it again. so might as well bear with it for now.

just one more day before i'm home free. actually, it's not even 24 hours, more like 14. and there's a class outing/movie marathon after the paper. more bonding opportunities. but right now, maths. bugger it.

-random thought of the day: Exams deprive a person of sleep.-

So far, one day of exams have passed. as of now, i think i'm 50% certain of getting an A for chem. sad thing is, my environmental option is gone with the wind. also made one really retarded error. whoever heard of 1/10 order of reaction with respect to a reagent at A-level? aside from those few things, i'm pretty happy with myself for remembering certain concepts, like maximum buffer capacity. barring careless mistakes, i think i'm looking at a 70+.

as for tomorrow, it's econs day. to think i thought i had a free study day. guess i got my schedules kind of mixed up. something tells me tomorrow won't be my lucky day. as of now, i think i stand less than a 60% chance of passing, and like a 5% chance of getting B and above. makes me wonder why i didn't drop the bleeding subject when i had the chance. oh well. i'm in so much trouble it's surprising that i haven't drowned yet.

i think i'm going to resort to spotting topics for tomorrow. there'll definitely be a big keynes and interconnectedness question. throw in a bit of trade, unemployment, inflation, BOP, NIA, growth, finance, policies, and what do you know? the entire J2 syllabus is staring at you. annoying. not to mention the microeconomic part as well. damn it. well, all i can do is pray that the essay is all on macroeconomics, and mug that hard. it would be a nice surprise if demand and supply came out as a question by itself. although pigs would fly sooner than that actually happening.

well, so much for that. i really hope i make it out alive tomorrow, because i haven't prepared a will yet.

-random thought of the day: Who's willing to bomb econs with me?-

$25 says that i'm the most unprepared for the mid-years in T20. in fact, i'm more screwed than a lid on a closed airtight jar. and school's opening again in 2.5 days. sadness. before the exams, let's play a game of "predict the results":

- Chem: A or B
- Physics: B to D
- Maths: C to E
- Econs: D to O

this is based on current confidence with whatever revision done over the past few weeks. clearly, that amounts to not much at all. kind of poor, really, especially when i'm supposed to maintain a B average or better.

school and studying aside, i'm actually quite happy with what i've done during the break. things like getting enough rest (like that's tough...), going running most of the days, and other stuff like that. only thing is, i think i could have studied more. WAY more.

speaking of running, i just remembered something that it's taught me. humans are motivated by immediate incentives. you see, even though i know running is good for me (in some sick, twisted way), it's not immediately apparent. so, that's not a strong enough motivating factor to make me run faithfully every day. however, running is easier when it's viewed as a painful way to get to something good, namely the friendly dogs at the park. i guess how much/what you're willing to endure during the journey depends on how attractive the end is to you.

anyways, i know i've stressed this more times than necessary, but i'm really shot for mid-years. hopefully my last-minute skills are as strong as ever. maybe that'll tide me through. i highly doubt it, but oh well. we'll see when the time comes.

-random thought of the day: Anyone willing to take up my bet?-

1 week has passed since my self-imposed study exile. sadly, the situation has only become marginally better. i'm still pretty clueless in econs, but my other 3 subjects are coming along pretty ok-ish. not the most ideal situation at all. i think the phrase which most accurately sums my situation up is "siao liao!"

i must admit, i'm quite the moron sometimes. pre-exam week is definitely not the time to get hooked onto a game. least of all an addictive RPG like Kingdom Hearts 2. crap. this isn't doing myself any favours.

you know, i think the further away you are from the source of a problem, the smaller the problem will appear. i have no idea why this is true, but it is. i guess it's something like intensity = power/area. thankfully, this little retreat has helped distance me from my problems.

well, that's about all for now. i have to study econs and physics through the night.

-random thought of the day: -

As much as i hate to do this, i'm announcing that i'll be taking a break from computer- and internet-related stuff to focus for the mid-years. in other words, i'll be living like a bleeding hermit. so, this means that this is my last post for at least a week or two. that, in turn, means that this post will be longer, as i have to unload and make space for new stuff in my brain.

well, let's get this long post started then, shall we? firstly, i think seeing too much of people, no matter who they are, can be a bad thing. and that's why i'm passing over tomorrow's Judo outing to sentosa. i mean, 3 days of camp, one gathering and another training session is quite sufficient, wouldn't you say?

next, i think it's high time i went to my cousin's house and paid my pretties a visit. i kind of miss them, actually. i wonder if they still remember me.

we are largely affected by what we listen to. i guess i'd better stop listening to sad songs about unrequited love, depression, anger, angst, and other bad things. instead, i think i'd do better with more upbeat, happy songs that focus on the good things in life. maybe that'll also help take my mind off some of the things that are going on around me.

speaking of songs, i realized my mp3 player is kind of screwed. the connection to the earphones is really weak, and sound quality suffers as a result. i'm thinking of dropping it off at marina square tomorrow, to get it fixed. good thing it's still under warranty, so i don't have to spend a single cent for the repairs. downside is, it'll be gone for a period lasting from 3 days to a week, so it's no music for some time.

training has taken its toll on me. i'm getting injured like nobody's business. after today's session, i have a slightly twisted ankle to add to my collection of injuries. there's no pain while walking, but it hurts when turning rapidly. i guess that means i'll be taking thursday off.

sometimes, i think i look too deeply into things. that's not really good, considering how this tends to lead to misunderstandings and other stuff that can potentially hurt friendships. i guess it's time i stop doing that. and it's also time my idea(s) woke up. not only in studies, but generally. better start looking at the big picture.

i've been wondering...why did i take up competitive Judo? i'm actually quite pacifist in nature, so something doesn't quite click, agree? oh well.

let's see. tomorrow is going to be a very busy day. lots of things to do, lots of places to visit. i have to send my mp3 player to marina square, maybe drop by school, go visit the cat high bowling team and settle some NYAA stuff, then end off at my cousin's place. i'd better get some sleep.

-random thought of the day: Does this look more intellectual?-

I'm like, totally smashed now, so forgive me if any parts of this post don't make sense/are a little disjointed.

well, first and foremost, training camp is over. thank goodness. that's 3 camps i've survived. go me. so, basically i'm ok, except for a few aches and pains. you know, the usual stuff. still haven't regained full mobility everywhere, and there's training tomorrow. yays. at least i was fortunate enough to avoid any major injury, like a dislocated elbow. first time i've seen such a thing happen before my eyes, and i'm sure it won't be the last.

as for why i'm smashed, it's because of the Judo barbecue/barbeque (i'm still not sure which is the correct spelling). there was a nice big bottle of grapefruit vodka, and well, long story short, i found myself drinking quite a bit of it. personally, i prefer the pure, unflavoured type, but hey, might as well drink it since it's there, right? i kind of feel guilty that i didn't do much for the cooking though. seems like my lighter is in high demand. i should remember to bring it to this type of functions.

for some odd reason, i've been feeling some very negative emotions for the past 3 to 4 days. it's not one particular emotion, rather, it's sort of a mixture of anger, sadness, jealousy/envy, loneliness, and some other unidentifiable things. i guess it's time for me to sit down and start isolating the cause of each feeling. maybe that'll help me understand myself better.

well, i think that's all i'm capable of saying now. i really need to sleep the alcohol off.

-thingy of the day: Red is only a colour.-

Looks like i still have one post in me before going off to the training camp.

for those who have visited this blog before, i'm sure you will notice a not-so subtle change in the colour scheme and general layout. this is [Open Up Your Mind - 8.31], and should last from 6 months to a year, or maybe more. the reason for choosing Hal Jordan, the second Green Lantern, for the theme is because of the nature of a Green Lantern's powers. one can only use the ring if his willpower is high/strong enough. so, the layout is meant to (hopefully) serve as a reminder and symbol of perseverance and determination and whatnot. besides, the Green Lantern is one of the more prominent DC comics characters, and one of my favourites from the DC universe. also, this is the first time green has played such a large role in my designs.

you know, doing a new layout is actually sort of therapeutic. i guess it's because i'm doing it for fun, and not because of school, money or anything like that, so there's no pressure or deadlines (except for self-set ones). it's kind of relaxing, but it does get annoying, especially if inspiration won't come, or if something doesn't work right. but so far, i think everything's looking great. i'm just worried that the tagboard might not work or something. better test it later.

anyway, as mentioned before, there's a training camp today. while i don't exactly dread it, i'm not really looking forward to it either. "ambivalent" would be a good word to describe my attitude towards it. well, one positive (or negative, depending on outlook) thing is that i have to be late, so i'll miss the first PT session. i still don't understand why some of the J1s are so excited about training camp. maybe they have this strong desire to improve or something.

there's a 4-6 class gathering today as well, sometime in the evening. funny how these events always seem to clash with training camps, no? seeing as this may be the last chance to see them for the rest of the year, i've decided to pop by for a while before heading to SJI. i really hope there'll be a good turnout, since i haven't seen most of them since O-level results day. it would be nice to catch up with some of them. pity i can only stay for an hour or less though.

it's raining. again. so sian. and one of my gis is still damp. annoying. hope it dries before i have to leave. well, that's about it. i think the new look should turn out ok, and if it doesn't, i'll straighten out the kinks after i come back on sunday. so, off i go to spend 3 (or rather 2.5) days deprived of all technology, except for my MP3 player. see you soon!

-thingy of the day: Science students should be familiar with "8.31". Think ideal gases.-

Most of this post will not be about happy stuff. in fact, it will be quite depressing, especially if you have lots of work undone and don't want to be reminded about it. if you're having a bad day and don't wish to screw it up further, click the little X to the top right corner, or press alt + F4. having said that, continue reading at your own risk.

so much to do, so little time. that about accurately sums up my situation now. you know, 2.5 weeks seems like a lot of time, doesn't it? but realistically speaking, it's only about 18 days. let's do a little breakdown, shall we? 3 days of training camp and a beach outing tomorrow leaves 14 days, or 336 hours. take away 10 hours per day on average for sleeping, eating etc. gives 196. subtract maybe 25 hours for training (school and personal), and we have 171. remove 4 hours' miscellaneous travelling time, 167. deduct 3 hours per day for entertainment, blogging etc., 125 left. assuming all the remaining time goes into studying, that gives 31 hours and 15 minutes worth of time per subject, also expressed as 1.302 days. now tell me, do you think it's enough? personally, i think not. of course, this 31 hours and 15 minutes will have to be spread out over the entire holiday, so maybe 2+ hours' worth of work per day for each subject would be good. arrgh. i have this sudden urge to stab someone.

continuing on the the topic of work, the realization that there's a lot to cover has made itself known once again. i think i'm shot for econs, physics and maybe maths. just to find out where i stand, here's a list of what's coming out, and what i feel confident in:

Maths

Partial Fractions
Summation
AP/GP
Permutations and Combinations
3D Trigonometry
Trigonometry
Differentiation
Applications of Differentiation
Integration
Applications of Integration
Approximate solutions of equations
Complex numbers
Vectors
Probability
Discrete Random Variables
Binomial Distributions
Poisson Distributions
Continuous Random Variable
Normal Distributions

Chem

Atoms, molecules and stoichiometry
Atomic structure
Chemical bonding and states of matter
Chemical energetics
Chemical and ionic equilibria
Reaction kinetics
Introduction to organic chemistry
Hydrocarbons
Halogen derivatives
Hydroxyl compounds
Carbonyl compounds
Carboxylic acids and derivatives
Nitrogen compounds and polymers
NMR Spectroscopy
Electrochemistry
Environmental Chemistry

Physics

Physical Quantities and measurements
Waves
Superposition
Current of Electricity
D.C. Circuits
Capacitance
Electric Fields
Magnetic Field
Electromagnetic Induction
Charged Particles
Alternating Currents
Analogue Electronics
Quantum Physics
Nuclear Physics
Electromagnetism
Temperature
Ideal Gases
Physics of Fluids

Econs
Everything

i am not a happy camper. not at all. the trend here is that most of the problem comes from J1 topics. man, they warned us about this, and their prophecy is true. sadness. well, at least i'm more confident in J2 work; let's take comfort in that fact for now.

umm...let's see. as mentioned earlier, there's that CJC/SJI sentosa beach outing mentioned earlier. i don't know, but i'm starting to regret my decision to go for it. firstly, the opportunity cost of that is work time. next, i'm supposed to meet them at harbourfront at 10:00 am, which means i'll have to get up around 8:00 am. sounds like a waste of perfectly good sleeping time. actually, i'm half-inclined to back out. ah well. i'll decide later...or tomorrow...or something.

training was tough. yes, who doesn't know that? today's was tougher than usual, and i expect to feel the full effects sometime tomorrow. and i got a couple of abrasions on my wrist to add to my collection of scratches, scrapes and other nasty things. another important thing i (re-)learnt today is the absence of my aggression/fighting spirit. a passive judo player isn't much good right? maybe the camp will help me find my game face.

sometimes, i find my powers of deduction and association to be quite amazing. what's more amazing is the type of relationships which can happen/occur/build up/take place when a JC trains with a secondary school. i almost feel like laughing. *almost*. i just find it rather odd, regarding the pairing. not the combination i'd have imagined, but oh well. it's none of my business anyway, and who knows? my conjecture may be wrong, though it's highly likely that it's right.

well, that settles it for all my unhappiness. sure, there's more, but let's not turn this into a self-pity blog. once in a while is fine, maybe even beneficial, but keep it up and viewership will plunge (not that i think people still come here anyway). so...that's basically it for my depressing, saddening post about the things going on around me, or the part which can be revealed to the world, at any rate. i don't think i'll update until the training camp is over, so i guess this will be my last post for a while. or not. who can say for sure? for all you know, i may put in 10 posts between now and the camp. heh. i doubt it though.

-thingy of the day: Catfish have 27 000 taste buds. What's so tasty at the bottom of the pond?-

Parents. most of the time i think they're pretty ok. sometimes i even think they're unbelievably nice. but there are the rare occasions that i think that they (and their actions) are a tad too moronic. for instance, i clearly said i'd be staying until tuesday in the class chalet, but somehow, they heard me say monday. so, after everything, when i check my phone, i see something like 28 missed calls, all from the same number. ok, i'm still capable of tolerating everything to that point. the thing that made me question their sanity was when they went to my school to ask about it. just because it's called a "class" chalet doesn't mean the school's involved, right? the sheer, overwhelming brilliance.

next, i simply can't stand people messing up my things. if i've said it once, i've said it a thousand times. and yet, my area continues to be "tidied". what's the use of having stuff in neat piles if i can't find what i want? i swear, the next time something like this happens, i'm buying chains and padlocks to secure my belongings. then i'll print "KEEP YOUR BLEEDING HANDS OFF!!!" in large red font. ideas.

NYAA is a bitch. so far, out of the 5 required components, i've only written the reports for 1.5 of them. tedious. and i have to make a trip down to marina south and cat high to get the relevant authorities to sign my booklet. sian. you know, it would really piss me off if i didn't get the award in the end. just think - one and a half year's work, down the drain. let's not think about that now. too depressing.

moving on to happier stuff, grading! i only slept for 2 hours through the night due to a little phenomenon i've termed as "grading tension". seems like whenever grading draws near, there will be at least one almost-sleepless night where i'll doze off, wake up, run through the syllabus, doze off, wake up, etc. then when i get to the actual grading, things just come naturally and i go, "man, why was i worried?" of course, this has happened for 2 out of 2 gradings, and i hope my future ones will be equally smooth-sailing. also, today's grading exam was held in the SJF building. if i called that building old, i'd be doing it a favour. despite the run-down conditions, i think everything went by ok, except for the shiai. nevertheless, i can say with 95% conviction that i've been promoted. in fact, i was so confident, i even went to buy the belt. *please don't let me be wrong...*

i also realized that hanging out with the J1s can be quite fun. after grading, we all went to marina square to get lunch and stone around. it's amazing how open younger people can be. i guess i'm relatively conservative for my age, but it was fun to actually share some secrets and hear some others in return. the one thing i'm grateful for is the "whatever happens here, stays here" rule, which means i'm in no danger of blackmail or anything like that.

well, i'm getting tired, seeing as i've been up from 6:30 am up till now. time to catch some sleep. i still have an NYAA report to write tomorrow.

-thingy of the day: Orange is a nice colour.-