"Wah, heng bo? heng bo?"

that line from a certain left 4 dead (2?) spoof video describes my reaction to this morning's results SMS pretty well. let's get to the good stuff in ascending order:

CM2142 (B-)
while it doesn't look very pretty, i'm actually pretty satisfied with this grade. taking into account the ridiculous difficulty of the final, and my general cluelessness throughout the semester, i'm more than thankful.

ES2007S (B+)
i was hoping for an A-, but i suppose i can live with this as well. after all, B's appeared more often than not on my rubrics in the latter half of the semester. nevertheless, it did help in CAP-pulling (though not as much as i would have wished for), so mission accomplished for this module.

CM2121 (B+)
based on the tests and my (perceived) finals performance, i was predicting a B grade. so, this result was a nice surprise. gives me more motivation to pursue an organic specialization, too!

CM2111 (A-)
another nice surprise here. now, i can't help but wonder what my grade would have been if i hadn't thrown away those 6 marks in the final? bleh. but still, i'm happy with this grade.

PC1323 (A+)
i'd more or less known about this grade for a while now, so it's nothing too shocking. i'm still really happy about this grade, because it's my first ever A+ after 2 years of studying in NUS. funny how my A's mostly come from elective physics modules.

overall CAP: 3.84

results this semester were a morale booster. in fact, this is my best set of results since year 1 semester 1. CAP-wise, they're on par, but this time, i got an A+ instead of an A, so that gives this semester an edge. currently, i'm still quite some way from my target of having a >4 CAP, but there's been quite significant progress. i'm hoping this set of good results isn't just a one-off thing.

with the release of my results, i can safely say that year 2 is over, and i'm a year 3 student! don't really feel different, even with that realization. guess i'll feel it more when school starts again. but anyway, i've decided to reward myself with an online purchase of buckyball magnets and magnetic putty. these things are something i've been hung up on getting for a while, so i'm happy that the balance was tipped.

ok...enough about grades and such. here's a question though...is it wrong to want to be completely alone sometimes? like, to the extent of ignoring my phone, facebook and all other means of communication. i know it's kind of contradictory, with me mentioning wanting companionship in the previous post. but these urges/wants happen at different times, so i think it's ok. wanting companionship and solitude simultaneously is a little too weird, even for me.

i've got somewhat more things than normal scheduled this week. possibly meeting the NUS people tomorrow, maybe meeting another friend sometime in the week, judo training camp, and chem enrichment. i've decided to start reducing contact by not staying over for the camp. that way, i can't get too attached to the J1s, and anything that happens (if it happens) won't be my fault. besides, there'll be other seniors around to keep eyes on things.

but at the moment, i think i'll start on a new set of hiragana, and maybe organize my table a little. been meaning to get that done for a while now.

-random thought of the day: Life's good.-

DCUO has been occupying most of my time recently. that stands for "DC Universe Online", which is an MMO set in the DC universe (yay obviousness!). even though it's my third MMO (the others being city of heroes and star trek online), i'm still learning things fairly slowly. main reason is because i'm slow the controls are really different from those other 2 MMOs. it's been interesting so far, but for a four-month old MMO, it's still kind of lacking in areas like server stability, in-game population, and solo content. that's why i'm not going to sign up for lifetime just yet. maybe things will improve after the server merge, but until they do, i'm happy with just using up my 30 days.

you know, i kind of understand why people get addicted to MMOs now. with time limits ranging from a month to a year, you kind of want to get levelling up over with as soon as possible so that you can spend more time on the end-game content. perhaps some people may want to save money by doing everything within their subscription and then leaving the game. i used to think that way too, until i realized that with all the new content being released, stopping becomes pretty difficult. that's why i'd rather buy lifetime subscriptions, like for star trek online (incidentally, that subscription will become value-for-money roughly after summer break ends). but for DCUO, i don't have the confidence to get lifetime yet, as mentioned in the last paragraph.

from what i've been saying about MMO addiction, i guess it comes as no surprise that i haven't been doing much else aside from playing. so far, i've got a level 23 character, and he's been fun to play with. the missions are kind of repetitive, like interact with X objects, kill X bad guys, go into mission, kill people and boss. but luckily, the content and enemies are varied enough so that each mission seems different. confusing/paradoxical, i know, but that's how it is.

in other news, most of whatever little of my time spent outside DCUO has been used to learn japanese...or at least how to write the letters/characters. i've only got through 15 out of about 100 characters, which i think is pretty ok. the thing that kind of intimidates me is that there are 2 letters for every character. i was thinking about comparing it with upper and lower case letters, but upon second thought, i realized that there's no real good analogy for it in the latin alphabet, since the utilization is rather different. but so far, i think i'm doing pretty good. only potential worry is that i'm learning without much understanding now, so i'm afraid that the characters may degenerate into meaningless symbols. or maybe i'm worrying for nothing. oh well. i should just focus on getting the forms right first...kind of like kata, now that i've put it this way. maybe it's just japanese things in general. get the forms right first, and worry about the rest later.

is it possible for a guy to have a fangirl moment? going by the contradictory terms "guy" and "fangirl", i'd say no. and yet, there's no other way to describe my reaction when i saw a japanese drama series on youtube, it's called "absolute boyfriend", and was adopted from a manga series. basically, it's about this girl who accidentally orders a robot which was customized to be her ideal boyfriend. the plot sounds shallow at first, and looks like it was written to garner sales from teenage girls. but underneath that, there's actually some pretty deep philosophical ideas...like, should humans play god, is love love when it's conditioned/programmed, among other things. this, along with my completion of brave new world, has opened up a pandora's box of sorts.

there's a saying about idle somethings (either hands or minds; i can't remember) and what the devil does with them. i guess that having too much time on my hands has got my brain working harder than normal. but hey, i don't mind. might as well get all the deep thinking out of the way while i still have processing power to spare. i'd hate to spend all night thinking about trying to lead a normal life with a robot partner, especially when there are morning classes (or worse, labs) the next day.

watching this drama (and some other things) has made me kind of emo. you know the saying, "no man is an island". previously, i'd thought that i could go through life as a lone wolf, but that seems to be less likely of a possibility now. i don't know if it's my changing hormone levels as i grow older or whatever, but i suddenly find myself wanting a companion. not necessarily someone to be by my side 24/7 (i treasure my solitude as well), but someone who can be there when i need support, won't judge me superficially, and whom i can share significant moments with. but then again, isn't that to some extent what everyone wants? and yet, i'm kind of afraid of getting into a relationship, because things can go horribly wrong as well. or maybe i'll just settle for a pet...yes, i think that that might JUST work.

may's almost over, and that means summer's about a third gone as well. can't say that everything went according to plan, but i can say that i've generally been happy with this particular holiday. and, with 2 more months of a similar lifestyle to go (and unforeseen circumstances aside), i don't really see how this holiday could end badly!

-random thought of the day: Must cook tomorrow.-

Variety may be the spice of life, but spontaneity (and a bit of good luck/coincidence) was last night's star. originally, my plan was just to join the judo kids for the usual post-friday-training bubble tea/dinner. towards the end of training, a couple of my JC friends called to tell me that they were having dinner at bishan. meeting them then turned into a drinking session/stayover at one of their houses. totally unexpected, but definitely enjoyable you know, i wouldn't mind doing this kind of thing more often...within safe limits for my liver, of course.

we were talking a bit while cooking instant noodles (drinking does trigger some hunger pangs), and we came to the quite amazing realization that we've known each other for 6.5 years. J1, J2, army 1, army 2, university 1, university 2, and a bit. to be honest, it didn't feel that long. guess i should try to hang out with them more, though they're already the (ex-)classmates i interact with the most. then again, it's subject to their availability as well. one of them is interning over the summer, not to mention his relationship commitments. oh well. i'll take what i can get.

jumping back to training for a bit, yesterday was the last training session for a week and a bit, as the kids have exams this coming week. next time i see them, it'll be during training camp. don't think i'll go for all 3 days. then again, i might. most probably won't stay over, though, unless i absolutely have to. better start cutting some strings early. things are easier if done gradually, yes?

about the politics, i've decided not to become so involved. i'm fine with pretending that things are exactly what they appear to be on the surface, and being called an idiot for it. to that extent, i'll do the newton's third law thing, ie. treat others how they treat me. as long as i don't actually see them doing anything harmful to me, i'll be nice to them. figured that it wasn't worth the effort to suspect everyone under the sun.

in the past semester, i've learnt that conflict arises from a lack of effective communication. unfortunately, i'm seeing that happen at home, between my parents. bearing the saying about dirty laundry in mind, i won't elaborate too much, except to say that suspicions are floating around. worse is, there is somewhat plausible ground for these suspicions to exist. to quote another famous saying, kids should stay out of grown-up matters (i'm interpreting this in terms of generations rather than in terms of age). with a combined age of 103 years, i believe that they can sort something out. in the worst-case scenario (which i don't think will happen, considering the extended family relations), i'm above 21, so i can make my own decisions.

here's a thought...can too much communication bring about conflict as well? imagine i went to confront one of the judo people about a rumour that he/she may or may not have started. if that person was innocent, he/she may wonder why i even suspected him/her, leading to the formation of a conflict situation and possibly, the loss of mutual trust. makes you think, doesn't it?

last thing on my mind for now...things are slowly appearing in my schedule. holiday coaching, possible refereeing opportunities, and a couple of other things that have temporarily slipped my mind. good thing that tuition appears to be winding down (ironic, since the kids' mid-years are approaching). also, i want to drop by funan tomorrow to check out DCUO prices there. i'll buy if the collector's edition goes for below $98, or if the normal edition is priced below $72. looks like i'll have a few more financial bombs over the summer, but i'll talk about them another day.

-random thought of the day: I shouldn't bother that much.-

You'd expect that i'd blog more now that i have more free time, but that clearly hasn't been the case. there's no real reason...except laziness i suppose.

over the past week and a bit, life's been pretty slack, which is good. i've done yet more cooking, went for a few more training sessions, and borrowed even more stuff from the library. doesn't sound like a lot, and it isn't. most of my time is still spent slacking and/or sleeping. sounds like the ideal holiday schedule, no?

to elaborate a bit on cooking, i did a vegetable soup/stew thing using the left over stuff from a previous cooking attempt, and topped it up with fresh ingredients. i never thought i'd say this, but for something that was about 70% vegetarian (the non-vegetarian 30% being chicken stock), it tasted really good. and this is coming from someone who's not naturally inclined to like vegetables, mind you! of course, the fact that i cooked it myself may cause some bias in my judgement, but that's a minor detail. i'm actually quite happy with how my cooking projects have turned out so far! winning culinary awards may still be far off into my future, but at least i haven't given myself food poisoning. upcoming things to try include more stews (a fish one, in particular), and perhaps chawanmushi.

moving on to something slightly more serious, training. NUS training has been put off indefinitely, as the authority figures are overseas on exchange, holiday, or otherwise unavailable. so, it's been only CJC training for quite a while now. while i do enjoy myself there, i've also begun to wonder whether going back so often is worth it. politics aside, i somehow feel that the returns are not proportionate to my investment. that's partially because there are almost zero (physical) returns! seniors don't get paid, nor do we get any special benefits (except maybe that we have more freedom than the kids). and i've also begun to question my purpose in going back. personally, the main reasons i've been going back are (1) imparting knowledge, and (2) taking care of the juniors. sadly, the J1s don't seem to appreciate it. well, my current plan is to go back for training until the nationals, then i'll probably drastically reduce my visiting frequency, or even stop altogether.

a few posts back, i mentioned that the nice eye doctor at the NUS health centre gave me a clean bill of health, and the green light to drive (traffic pun!). ever since then, i've taken the car out twice, both for tuition. i guess that there's some residual fear/apprehension after the accident, because i've been driving more-than-reasonably safely, staying well under the speed limit and all that. i think i may have annoyed some other drivers, but heck, i'm not willing to risk having another accident. have to remember to keep out of the fast lanes more, i suppose. so far, there hasn't been any word from the police about the case, so i'm just waiting.

now, for tuition. RJC girl is still having trouble with her organic, but she's improving. i find it weird that secondary school stuff is still giving her trouble...for instance, she can't remember the conditions for esterification. but at least she's willing to work, so i feel ok with matching her effort. SJI boy (who is now CJC boy) just resumed tuition this past sunday. i haven't dealt with his academics for something like 5 months, so i have to do some re-evaluation. but based on preliminary info and experience, his poor grades are due to him slacking in class. i can believe that, since he's been catching concepts reasonably easily so far. then again, we're still at atomic structure, so everything's still kind of brainless. maybe not to him. anyway, there's still time before their mid-years, so step by step.

in the next week or two, i don't think life will get any busier. i'm still set for more slacking, especially since job opportunities are kind of limited (the NUS coach thing didn't go through). not that i'm too concerned, since that gives me more time to (leisurely) pursue my own interests, like learning the japanese alphabets, watching a couple of movies, and making a few more library trips, in addition to stuff mentioned above.

-random thought of the day: My left shoulder still hurts. Sian.-

Urge to cook — neutralized...temporarily.

the past 2 to 3 days have been pretty productive. i've managed to sort the semester's notes into cases, and will put them into storage soon. attending CJC training was also good, as i managed to spar with (and secretly evaluate) more J1s.

but the main highlight has to be cooking, which went pretty successfully. did a stew on thursday, and black pepper wasabi chicken today. both dishes weren't perfect (major problems being (1) i bought the wrong type of potatoes for the stew (2) the stew turned out more soup-y than stew-y (3) instant wasabi doesn't react well to heat), but i'm satisfied enough with whatever i made. annoyingly, i cut my left thumb while dicing vegetables yesterday. it's a pretty shallow cut, but the killer is that the cut went a bit into the fingernail as well. so, i'm just waiting for the nail to grow out sufficiently for me to cut it away. there are vegetables left over from thursday's cooking attempt, so i foresee some sort of vegetable soup in the near future. probably on the weekdays, where i don't have to worry about people worrying about my cooking skills.

going back to judo training after about 2 weeks of abstinence due to exams was good. felt nice to get the muscles working again...though i'm still kind of out of shape. at least i can still throw the J1s (and some J2s) with relative ease. after sparring with most of the J1s, i can safely say that they're lacking in technique. can't blame them, since they're still considered new to the sport. the thing that kind of worries me is that they're trying to use strength to compensate for technique. it's what i call a "sunday" thing...as in "not everyday's a sunday", meaning that it rarely works. i'll admit that they have caught me with sheer brute force a few times, but more often than not, a simple sweep or block is all i need to make them fall. not saying that i'm some judo god or insanely good or anything; just trying to illustrate the significance of a technique advantage. but they're still J1. at about this time next year, they'll probably bridge that gap.

let's see...the first week of holiday is over, leaving me with about 11 weeks. there's still stuff i have/want to do, like clearing up my computer table, writing some fanfiction, asking the NUS coach for a job, and starting on my senior's training plan. have to use my time efficiently!

-random thought of the day: Portal 2!-

Now that exams are over, i suddenly find myself having housewife-y inclinations. since studying's been pushed aside for the next 3 months or so, cooking and cleaning are suddenly close to the top of my priority list. i swear, watching gordon ramsay youtube videos is going to be my undoing one day. right now, i'm on a stew obsession. problem is, i don't know what recipe to use! maybe i'll just end up throwing whatever i think works into a pot. i plan to do one by this week (most likely thursday) and depending on its success, 0 to 3 more over the summer break.

cleaning is not something i like to do, but it's a necessary evil. over the course of one semester, it's amazing how messy my computer table and shelves can get. i've been looking for storage solutions, but nothing's really proving to be of much use. think i'll get the drawer-like thing from popular. see how. also have to put away this semester's notes into the plastic case thingies which i've already bought.

to ensure completeness for my exam blogging, i'll briefly talk about analytical. it was bad. to give you an idea of how bad "bad" is, my friends saw people crying as they came out of the exam hall. so...yes. i'm grateful that i didn't spend that much time studying for it, as i probably wouldn't have been able to do the questions either way. predictions for my modules: B- or B for organic, B or B+ for inorganic, A- or A for physics, B+ or A- for communication, and hopefully above C+ for analytical. we'll see in another 27 days.

i've said this many times before — i'm not a political person, and this is not a political blog. nevertheless, election time is coming. and as an eligible voter, i think that i should mention the whole situation, and perhaps offer my two cents' worth about it. to set the stage, i've lived in bishan all my life. my very first memory involving the PAP was actually kindergarten, as i attended one affiliated with the party. being young and clueless, i had no idea what PAP meant. of course, i grew up, and history lessons in secondary school taught me how singapore's independence was achieved, the struggles faced by the pioneers, and all that stuff most secondary school kids should be able to regurgitate at a moment's notice. army had similar messages, but they were used to show us why we needed to burn 2 years of our lives.

anyway, along with all the pro-PAP stuff, i've also heard a fair bit about the opposing viewpoint. to be honest, i feel that PAP did a great job getting us where we are right now; nobody can deny that. however, i think that being in power for so long has caused them to grow a little complacent. perhaps losing a few more seats than expected will shake them up and force them to re-examine their policies.

my MP for the past 23 years or so (ever since i was born, and probably before that) has been wong kan seng. i think he's doing decently enough, because the flats have had several paint jobs, upgrades, and the like. bishan is actually a very nice place to live in! unfortunately, i've never had much personal contact time with my MP, and i don't even know about meet-the-people sessions. this is in contrast to chiam see tong, who seems to be extremely well-received in his GRC. and let's not forget that whole mas selamat thing. personally, i think that mistakes made in a ministerial position should not be carried over to a person's MP role. but that's just my (perhaps naive) thinking.

to sum up my viewpoint, i seriously would not mind giving chiam see tong a chance. being the longest-serving opposition MP surely means that he's doing something right. i'd like a change for once.

ok...enough politics for now. there are various other blog-worthy things done by people from both the PAP and the collective opposition, but i won't blog about them. there's simply too much to mention!

moving to something closer to me, i had that eye appointment today. good news is that the doctor said nothing's wrong, and that i'm cleared to drive. this further proves that the accident was mainly caused by me rushing, and not because my eyes were spoilt or anything like that. so, i'm looking forward to getting behind the wheel again soon, though i'm fighting with 2.5 months worth of rust. start slow, i guess.

the next thing is that the doctor mentioned a surgical procedure to correct my messed-up eye. it's not a must, but it's an available option. my dad seems to be greatly in favour of doing it. i'm not so sure myself. to tell you the truth, i don't know what's holding me back. could be the risk of blindness, or the 20% chance that the eye will revert back to original condition after a few years. or maybe i (like a rational human being,) don't like the idea of people wielding pointy metal things at very close range to my eyes. still, i promised my dad that i would at least think it over, which means that i'll probably have to see the specialist that he has in mind sometime soon. if i'm going to get it done, might as well get it done while i'm on break, yes?

all that aside, i'm looking at a busy few days ahead. got to get my old gi patched up, drop by CJC training, find a holiday job (i'm thinking of asking the NUS coach for a teaching position at his judo school), watch some DVDs that i borrowed from the library, getting my stew done, cleaning up my act (pun intended), and begin physical training in earnest. sounds fun!

-random thought of the day: Must get body clock working properly.-