Ending the year with COVID wasn't on my list of things to do. it's a bit of a downer, but i'm going to keep that separate from the overall review/evaluation of the year, for a fairer process.

starting with the theme, i've decided on something that i've blogged about before, but have yet to use as an official theme of the year. it's "keep moving forward" from meet the robinsons, a disney movie from way back when. i've blogged about how staying in bed for too long literally causes me pain, so there's a literal meaning as well as a figurative one! the thought that i'm not progressing while on JET - at least, not in my desired direction - has made me more uncomfortable than i'd thought it would. then again, i suppose that i've stayed longer than i initially planned, so there's a certain amount of internal conflict there. i would rank this year about the same as or perhaps slightly lower than 2022.

i won't go into my JET reflections here; that can be done in april when i officially end. but i will talk a bit about japan. even as someone who came in knowing that it wouldn't be all sunshine and rainbows, i was still surprised by how typically japanese some things were/are. things like how preserving the peace is paramount, and disagreements (no matter how trivial) are generally frowned upon. how as a result, people are afraid to be different and to make conflicting opinions known. how subordinates are expected to obey their bosses blindly, no matter how idiotic the idea may be. how some problems are simply swept under the rug in a bid to maintain the aforementioned peace, and how people suffer for it in the end. not forgetting all the japanese supremacists/racial purists, war crime deniers, and general anti-foreigner people, who i thankfully haven't encountered in person. although some compliments can come off patronizing, i know that the people here have good intentions and so it doesn't bother me that much. but at the end of the day, i don't think japan is a place where i want to make a life. i'd happily come back on holidays and short trips, but to live and work here? not unless i was being compensated very well. and with japan's history of low wages, i doubt that'll happen unless i take an expat package or something.

my feelings about this matter have kind of clued me in on something which is important to me - i need to feel like i'm making a worthwhile contribution. clearly, teaching english in japan isn't doing that for me. like i've mentioned before, anybody can do my current job. they don't need someone with my exact qualifications. and looking at it from the other point of view, i don't feel like i'm being utilized well here, so it's time to go. hopefully i'll find that sense of purpose/usefulness in IP, but that's a topic for tomorrow's post.

also this year, i've realized that i'm no longer obsessing over my own physical image. while there's definitely still some unresolved insecurity/trauma/stuff in my head, my main point here is that i no longer feel the need to look a certain way, have a certain amount of muscles, that kind of thing. of course, i'm aware that i have room for improvement, but my plan now is not to push myself towards my target - taking it as more of a marathon (or even a walk) as opposed to a sprint. incidentally, i suspect that my physical progress is tied to my mental state. i remember losing weight and feeling good about myself towards the start of JET, when everything was new and exciting and challenging. but as time passed and i began to feel my sense of purpose/challenge diminishing, the weight came back. not all of it, thankfully, but enough to let me know that i need to make a change.

going back through my archives, i don't think i did anything that i would describe as "substantial" or "significant" this year. i guess a lot of time was spent deciding what actions to take, and waiting for the suitable time. and i should remind myself that time spent waiting or doing unglamorous things is still important and necessary in the big picture. while it would be nice for every year to contain a news-worthy event, the fact is that it's not always going to happen...and that's ok. the main thing to remember is that i am exactly where i should be.

-random thought of the day: Looking forward to next year!-

The night before the osaka trip, i started a post that went along the lines of "wow, i'm all packed in advance, everything's accounted for, it's all going so well for once!"

...when will i ever learn not to jinx myself!?

there were a few minor hiccups along the way, like my pasmo card somehow hiding under my keyboard and me not noticing before leaving the house, so i ended up using train tickets. also, i'd forgotten to pack a polo t-shirt which i'd wanted to wear to the visa appointment. no big deal, it still went ok.

what was not ok was that i started showing COVID symptoms on day 2 of the trip. day 1 was still fine, i made it to kobe, took the train to osaka, and had a good meal at the final fantasy cafe. but when i woke up the next day, i realized that in addition to a scratchy feeling when swallowing, i couldn't taste or smell anything. thankfully, i managed to get through the visa appointment (with proper precautions), then made it back to kobe and holed up in the hotel for the next 2 days. pretty sure i had a fever, and i guess that if i had to fight a fever, doing it in a hotel room where i could adjust the temperature freely at no added cost was a good place to do it. thankfully, i regained some smell and taste over the next few days, and was still able to venture out and try some nice food, although i definitely held back in terms of both quantity and cost since i couldn't savour it fully.

so, this is my first instance of catching COVID. it's been 3 years from the start of the pandemic, so i guess you can say i'm slow. my symptoms were mild, like i never felt i was in any mortal danger or that my body was going to give up on me even at the symptoms' worst. probably have the vaccine to thank for that. i did feel like my body was moving on autopilot, like my brain was just an observer. sorry, i'm sure there's a better way to say it - like...i was still in full control and my body would respond to any instruction i gave it, but my brain felt kind of detached from whatever my body was doing. currently, my main symptoms are inefficient breathing (still 96-97% VO2 max, so no cause for worry), and the whole taste/smell thing. i'd say that i'm tasting things anywhere from 0% to 35% of their usual intensities, depending on the flavour, and i really can't wait to get better.

reading up on the internet has told me that symptoms show between 2-14 days of exposure. is it me or is that range just a little on the huge side? i doubt i can pinpoint when i got the virus, but if i had to guess, it should have been the time i stayed over in the city and went to the onsen as well as aeon mall. that was the day with the most human interaction i've had by far, not to mention the damp conditions in the onsen. going by days of symptoms, today is day 5 (day 1 was on tuesday), and i've heard that it takes from 10 to 14 days to recover. this means that i may be better by the time work starts on 4 january, and that i should recover well in time for the start of school on the 9th. worst case i can take medical leave, i guess.

as usual, there'll be the year-end and new year's posts over the next 2 days. quite looking forward to writing them, as they'll help give me perspective and direction. my UK visa application appears to have been successful, so this trip wasn't a complete write-off. i may or may not include the balls post in the new year's post, depending on how we do for length.

-random thought of the day: Swab tests hurt!-

Drinking is definitely not my jam. i only had a few small cups of sake (maybe 200mL total) last night during the office party, and that was enough to keep me in bed for the whole day today. i just crawled out, feeling sub-human, and am quite looking forward to crawling back in in another few hours. well, at least that's a lesson learnt - drink less, or not at all. or maybe it's drink in less dry weather. at any rate, i don't foresee myself drinking in the next few months.

my appraisal meeting went well, all 4s with each school giving me a single 3 out of 5 or 6 aspects. i am convinced that they aren't allowed to give perfect scores across the board, because the 3s were for stupid things. the bigger school gave me a 3 in "preparation of teaching materials" - bearing in mind that the native japanese teacher never asked me to prepare anything! but ok, i can swallow that because it can always be argued that i should have been more proactive. the smaller school's 3 was in "interest in/concern for japan". bearing in mind that i joined all their school events, regularly spoke to the japanese language teacher about japanese culture and tradition...i don't know what else i could have done. but well, no point worrying about it since i'm due to leave. the thing that i found absolutely incredulous was that my supervisor misspelled my name on the recontract document, so i didn't sign the english version. i mean, i get that english isn't his strong suit. but it's not like he's writing english sentences! also, he has all my details on record. i miss my first supervisor, and hope for the next JET's sake that she gets posted back to her old role.

got a bombshell dropped on us (me and the american teacher who's been shadowing me) last thursday. the superintendent, in his infinite wisdom, decided that we should go to different schools so that each school has a native speaker every day, the reason being that it appears to be a better use of taxpayer funds, instead of having days where both native speakers are in one school while the other goes without. my co-teacher is actually really well-connected in my town, and the things that i've heard about the superintendent aren't too flattering. it's nothing BAD bad, just that he's not the kind to think deeply when making decisions, as evidenced here. this annoys me even more, because when i proposed changing to my current schedule around this time last year, he refused on the basis that it would be disruptive to the schools. so yes. hypocritical much? but well, we managed to work out a compromise which i personally find to be an acceptable solution. the sucky thing is that we finally had a talk with the problem english teacher (during which time we nailed down a common regular meeting time) literally hours before we were told of this development, so the progress we made there was at a huge risk of unravelling. lucky we managed to fight for it!

tacking this next point onto the last...the thing i've come to hate most about japan is that power is too concentrated. as in this case, all it took for my schedule to be rearranged was for the superintendent to think it's a good idea. the only input i had in the matter was HOW to rearrange the schedule. i couldn't turn it down no matter how strong my supporting arguments were. it's the army "get it done by hook or by crook" style. and while i think that there are times for it, as in the recent town hall migration to electronic timecards, things like this that affect only a select few people should factor those people's opinions into the final decision, instead of one person saying "here's how it's going to be, get it done". chalk up another reason to leave JET.

was smart for once and checked my bus ticket. i'm due to leave on monday morning, not sunday night as i'd thought previously. it would absolutely suck to arrive there half a day early, especially in the dead of winter. somehow i don't think my car is going to be as warm as it was last week. so the most correct schedule is that i'm supposed to be at the bus terminal by 9-ish am tomorrow (i'll try to reach earlier) and the bus journey takes about 4 hours to kobe. from there, i'll take the train to osaka and check in into my hotel, followed by dinner at the final fantasy cafe. if all goes well, i'll have my visa appointment on tuesday morning, then head to kobe for a worry-free holiday.

right now, the only source of worry would be the visa application. i'm going to take a small risk and submit it late tomorrow morning, so after midnight on the 24th in the UK. figure that getting even one extra day would be good. then, i'll go print everything out, and get all my documents in order. have to pack too! i just hope there aren't any last-minute time-consuming things. as long as i get the application in on or before 31 december (preferably before vs. on), i should be good. in the event the visa appointment doesn't work out, i'll probably do it in tokyo on a layover to some other destination in february or march. reminder to self: i need to bring my passport and a printout of the application form. also i have to upload the soft copies for printing.

it got mad cold so suddenly in the past few days! it even snowed lightly here yesterday. bear in mind that my area is coastal, so it's supposed to be warmer. can't imagine how the people living up in the mountains are feeling. hopefully the cold spell passes soon - at least the forecast says it'll be warmer in osaka.

oh, just wanted to blog about something that i was thinking about on the drunk walk home last night. it wouldn't have mattered whether i started plan "leave japan early" this year or last year. because with IP firms doing recruitment in december for a next september start, i would have to wait for 9 months regardless. i suppose in the most ideal case, i could have got the visa by december, gone to the UK for interviews, and pray that a company would offer me an earlier start. too much risk, so i'm not going to beat myself up over it.

-random thought of the day: Let me feel better by tomorrow!-

Back in feudal japan, the shogun (most powerful warlord, de facto ruler) would make the warlords under him alternate between spending a year in their hometowns, and a year in the capital (which i believe was kyoto at that time). my japanese history isn't the best, but one popular hypothesis i know of is that this was done to prevent the smaller warlords from amassing too much power and breaking away on their own. after coming back to my small town from a weekend in the city, i kind of get it. staying in this small place is comfortable, and makes me not want to care about things that happen outside. and that's dangerous because it limits my mind. given that most of the kids have stayed here all their lives, i guess i can kind of understand why the insular mindset is prevalent in japan, particularly in rural areas.

the city trip was great! it started with the smaller school's end-of-year party, where i heard some interesting gossip. seems like all is not sunshine and rainbows. but it doesn't affect me, so i'm just going to treat that as trivia. the food was good, with horse sashimi being one of the dishes. there were 3 kinds of meat - a lean pinkish one which i think was regular muscle, a dark red one which might be a more tender cut, or liver (although it didn't have the usual metallic taste i associate with liver), and one cut which was mostly fat, and thus juicy and delicious. a few of us went for karaoke after the dinner, and i found out that the usually quiet science teacher can sing really well! actually, i was so surprised that there are so many talented singers among the teaching staff.

since i didn't want to waste money on petrol and tolls driving back and forth, i decided to camp out in the car, which was parked in a paid parking lot. didn't have a very good sleep, because the space was kind of cramped. in addition, there was a bright light shining on the parking lots, and so many people laughing and partying into the wee hours. i'd honestly forgotten how noisy a city could be! so i learnt from this experience that i need enough space to stretch out to be able to sleep comfortably. woke up early (6am) and went to a nearby convenience store for a toilet break and breakfast. napped a little, then had a morning bath at an onsen in the city. i realized that i was one of the youngest, if not the youngest person in the onsen. really puts the aging population thing into sharp focus. some younger people (schoolkids) came in as i was leaving, so maybe it's not all that bad.

most of the day was then spent at aeon mall, where i spend entirely too long looking for luggage. ended up buying a carry-on case, and was about to get a bigger suitcase when i had the bright idea to search online because the available options weren't entirely what i was looking for. the candidate i almost went for had pockets that were intended to be used when the suitcase is vertical. the one i ordered online is essentially the same size, but with horizontal pockets and about half price vs. the one in the physical shop. the difference is that the cheaper one may not have aluminum edging, but that's not a huge deal to me. in addition, i bought a pair of gloves (the PU leather on my uniqlo ones are peeling off) and beard papa cream puffs. all in all, a day well spent! i'll be going back this weekend, so there may be round 2 of shopping.

the week so far has been good. had a nasty-ish talk in the office, where the board of education told me they can't interfere in school matters. then why do they exist in the first place? but well, i'm on my way out, so i'm not too inclined to start a fight. will leave the next JET a warning though. in the school, the other teacher and i had a chat with the english teacher today. it went as well as it could have gone, so i'm hoping for positive change.

linked to this, i'm having my appraisal/recontract meeting tomorrow. it's not going to make any difference, since i'm already set on not recontracting. it would be interesting to see if my appraisal changes based on this fact. hopefully it's a short meeting, since i've got to record some videos before my long leave.

forecasting the near future, i have:

thursday - recontract/appraisal meeting

friday - year-end party with the office

saturday or sunday - apply for UK visa and try to book biometrics appointment

sunday night - bus to osaka

monday - biometrics appointment (ideally), final fantasy cafe in osaka

tuesday to thursday - kobe

friday morning - reach back to kochi city, spend the day there?

sunday - year-end post

monday - new year post

4 january - first day of work in the new year

5 january - taking leave

9 january - first day in school for term 3

mental note that i have to figure out how the documents should be arranged, and that i have to bring my passport to osaka. should probably submit on saturday, so that i have reaction time in case a document isn't accepted, or something else goes wrong. i'm actually quite looking forward to the trip! going to try and be not so overly budget-conscious this time.

-random thought of the day: Thank goodness for electric blankets!-

"Imagine how much more you'd accomplish if you looked at yourself the same way you look at others". it isn't a verbatim quote from anywhere, but the message is that we often downplay our own strengths, and underestimate our capabilities/potential. but i can see why - because unlike other people, we know our own weaknesses more intimately. although i wonder - does that mean we impose overly severe limitations on ourselves? perhaps that why affirmation from others is more valued. we're borrowing their confidence in us.

sadly, my confidence has taken a beating, with 2 more rejections. worse, most of the remaining companies seem to be practising a "don't call us, we'll call you" policy...which effectively means rejected unless told otherwise. i've got one more company that still lists my application as "pending" on its website, so that's a sliver of hope.

but i'm not really expecting it to go through. from visiting reddit and talking with people who do hiring in the UK, i've come to understand that the general mindset is rather conservative/risk-averse. like, they were saying how not physically being in the UK at the time of application would be an instant rejection. it annoys me, because some companies have said that they welcome overseas applications and would be willing to sponsor work visas. makes me think that it's just for their public image. the recruitment process is opaque/arbitrary enough that reasons given for rejections may not be the actual reason. for instance, "we felt this candidate was not a good fit" vs. "we don't want to waste the time and money to hire an overseas candidate". the sucky part is, i can only guess and assume.

well...i have one more company to apply to, unless new vacancies open up in the coming months. one piece of advice i intend to take is to send my resume to recruitment firms. before doing that though, i think i should settle the visa first, so that i can confidently tell them that i will have the right to work by the starting date. to that end, i need to get the translations back, then formally send my application in. the plan is to submit it next weekend, ie. the 23rd or 24th, bearing in mind that i have an osaka trip on the 25th. hopefully i'll be able to get the biometrics done then, if not, there's a second chance in february.

there's a bit more stuff to talk about, including the JET conference/workshop (summary: waste of time), and some new things happening in the office (summary: more hindrance than help). this line of thinking makes me feel that i've had enough of japan, at least as far as trying to make a life here is concerned. closer to the present, i've got a day in the city planned! seriously considering sleeping in the car for a night to make the most out of it. will need a blanket and a parking space, but i don't see why it wouldn't be doable!

-random thought of the day: Foresee spending more money!-

Jumping through hoops trying to give myself the best chance of getting the visa approved has involved me going to my local bank to request for a statement, in case the bank book isn't accepted. normally, the thought of a bank not issuing monthly statements as a routine service would be unthinkable to me, as in the case of SMBC, but i can kind of swallow it here given that it's a small local bank. the bad news is, i'll have to pay 1100 yen and wait for about a week, since only the headquarters can do it. in the meantime, i'll work on getting translations of my bank book and residence card, to ensure that they come back in good time for my application.

although i sometimes wonder, why am i trying so hard when there's a possibility that everything won't go through? this feeling was compounded yesterday, when i got a rejection from the firm that i had the most hope in so far. they took longer to reply than the timeline they originally gave, which kind of gave me hope that i was in serious consideration. truth be told, i'm still feeling quite lousy about it...but i'm sure it'll pass. i suppose that i should follow up with some of the other firms that i have yet to hear back from - better to know for sure. it's seeming more and more likely that i may have to go to a backup plan, which is to do a chemist job for a year, then apply to australia for a PR visa. even then, i'm not entirely sure that a chemist job will be easy to obtain right now. but i suppose that's something i'll have to seriously consider if plan UK doesn't seem to be working out. if for some reason my UK visa gets declined, i will take that as the ultimate sign that going there to work isn't meant to be, and i'll focus my efforts on singapore/australia.

closer to the present, i had a talk with the school principal about the teaching of english in the bigger school. i'm grateful that i found out about the rejections after the talk, else i would have been tempted to be even more harsh and direct. actually, i'm just wondering...since i only have 4 months or so left here, would it really be such a bad thing for me to make a scene and burn bridges? i'm actually tempted, but i know i shouldn't, especially since i want to come back to visit in the future. still, part of me is convinced that unless something drastic happens, there won't be any change. as it is now, i already met resistance when i tried to suggest that they ditch the government-recommended syllabus and actually start teaching phonics in primary school. while it may seem presumptuous to try and tell the japanese government how to teach english, i feel justified in doing so because while japan is good at many things, teaching english isn't one of those things. i'd go as far as to say japan downright sucks at it. but i'm going to stop here before i type out a whole thesis about english education in japan.

next week is busy - going to kochi city twice in 4 days, first for the JET conference on tuesday, then for the smaller school's year-end party on saturday. the original plan had me going tomorrow as well, to buy luggage and some other stuff from aeon mall, but i figured that it could wait 6 days. saves me the driving time, petrol, and tolls. i'll also have to put in the order for translations of my residence card and bank book - that can be done tomorrow. ideally i'd get it back by the middle of the week, or even friday would be ok. the week after is the last week of school, and that's when the real fun begins. visa application, kansai trip, and an office year-end party to juggle. I'm sure it'll be fine.

-random thought of the day: Bounce back!-

Knowledge is power. that's the usual saying, right? the whole statement fiasco made me think that knowledge is also money. had i known about the non-issuance of statements, or been more diligent in making sure that i had a statement issued, the most i'd spend on the matter is 110 yen, for an ATM withdrawal. instead, i'm looking at spending anywhere from SGD 30 to 90 on a certified translation. the kancheong part of me wants to just pay a company to get it over and done with right now, but i know that i rarely make good decisions in a panicked state. so, hard as it may be, my plan is to sleep on it for one night before committing to a company. besides, i have to scan my bank book anyway, which i can only do in the office tomorrow. helps to have something that keeps me from acting impulsively!

so, after spending some time at the bank, and thinking through my options, i realized that i could also submit a copy of my bank passbook. not SMBC, because they don't issue passbooks, but the one from my local bank, which i use to pay bills and receive my salary. the added benefit is that the paper trail is clearer, and better shows that i've held on to the money. the passbook translation is the best option now. there are some other methods like requesting for certificates of balance alongside a self-printed transaction history, but those stand a higher chance of being questioned. so...pay more for safety. thinking about it the other way, i stand to lose so much more if my application was rejected on the basis of not having sufficient/convincing evidence. pay more it is!

all this wouldn't have been a problem if japan's banks weren't so horribly backward. yes, i know i'm to blame for not making sure that all my ducks were lined up, but had this been singapore, i would have been able to produce a statement for any month without even involving the bank staff - just download it from the app!

in a strange sequence of events, i discovered something that i wouldn't otherwise have. midway through using the computer, my mouse cursor disappeared. the keyboard was working fine, so i reset it. still no reaction, not even from the trackpad. mild panic ensued before i decided to try the simplest solution first - change the wireless mouse's battery. and it worked! but it led me to find out that my trackpad has stopped working. i'm both surprised and expecting it. after all, this laptop is old. but then, i haven't used the trackpad very much at all, so i'm not sure why it died. well...it shouldn't be a problem since i have a failsafe in the form of my wireless mouse.

-random thought of the day: Scheduled for a talk with the principal tomorrow!-

Luck tends to favour me when it really counts. earlier, i'd mentioned that i wasn't able to get a seat on the return bus on the 29th, and would have to cut my stay short. yesterday, i decided to take another look before paying, and a seat had opened up! so i'll be in the kansai region until the 29th after all. downside is, it's an overnight bus that reaches back here at like 5 am, so the plan is to bring a blanket in the car and nap until it's a more godly hour. going to try to make a trip to aeon mall then too, since i'll be in the area. hope they aren't closed for the end of year holiday. normally, i'd be pretty sure that a shopping mall would be operating all year round, but in rural japan, i don't have that conviction. guess we'll find out!

also, i feel like i should acknowledge my own resourcefulness. in one job application a while back, they asked for details of all the research projects i'd undertaken so far. talking about grad school was easy, but i realized that i'd forgotten basically all of my UROPS and honours work. to my amazement, there was a copy of my UROPS powerpoint in my email! for honours though, i wasn't so lucky. i looked in several inboxes and even revived my largely-defunct dropbox to see if i might have stashed a copy there. sadly, the answer was no. in desperation, i went to look up scholarbank, which is NUS's thesis repository. they don't make undergrad theses available online, and the only way i could possibly get a copy of my thesis from them would be to request it from the library in person. forgive the self-praise, but here's the (self-proclaimed) really smart thing i did. i looked for my (at the time) mentor's phd thesis, because i know that my work contributed to it. and there it was. a little more detailed than what i did, because i only did one part of it, but the results and conclusions were summarized there. so i had something to write about. go me!

in a similar vein, the UK visa application is asking for my travel history. lucky i have my passport here, so i can refer to it for most dates. however, some countries like australia use e-visas, and don't stamp your passport. thank goodness i have the itineraries from back then in my inbox! rather than resourcefulness, i feel like i should thank my hoarder mindset here, and that email services have become so much more generous with their inbox space. i remember back in secondary school or JC, i'd get notifications that my inbox was almost full and that i had to delete some mail in order to make sure i could continue to receive new emails. i believe the limit was 300mb back then? haven't gotten one of those notifications in at least the past decade, if not longer!

remember what i said about singaporeans not being able to be praised? just when i'd thought i should acknowledge myself for being smart, i found an area in which i'd made a colossal error. as part of the visa application process, i have to prove that i have above a certain amount of money, and that i must have held the money for 28 days, with day 28 of those 28 days being within 31 days of the application. yes, took me a few passes to understand exactly what they wanted. but anyway. the usual way to do this is by bank statements. and upon logging in to my ibanking to get my november statement, i realized that SMBC doesn't provide statements for months in which there were no transactions involving the account. like seriously, japan!? japan's banking systems are so backward, i just can't. i receive monthly statements from all 3 of my singapore banks regardless of whether any transactions were made or not! so the issue is, i don't have a valid bank statement. the solution is, i'm going to do a simple transaction tomorrow, like a small withdrawal...which is what i should have done at the end of november. hopefully that'll show up in my online transaction history, which i can print and attach to a bank letter certifying the balance in my account. would be a bonus if i could get the bank to say that it's been there for at least 28 days, but we'll see how it goes.

just called the bank, they can't add any special things to the balance certificate. i guess the next alternative is to request for 2 of them, spaced appropriately apart, and a record of my transaction history. that'll be something for me to do tomorrow.

from another perspective, i guess you could argue that i'm still smart, for thinking of a solution to this issue before it became a problem. i'm lucky for sure, because i'm still in the safe zone as far as time is concerned. did you know that requesting a certification letter has about a week's lead time? if i request for one tomorrow, i should get it before the osaka trip. here's hoping things go smoothly.

-random thought of the day: Should be fine!-