I feel sick. hope it's not food poisoning or gastric flu. if i don't feel better by evening, it's off to the doctor with me. at least i haven't felt the need to puke yet, so that's a good sign. well, it'll be ok if i can go to school tomorrow. it would really suck to be out of it during common test week.

yes, as you may have gathered, the common tests are here. we had NE and GP yesterday, and i'm having today off. i really pity all the triple science, f maths and computing people. not a single day's break for them. anyways, there's chem tomorrow, physics and econs on thursday, and maths on friday. guess who still doesn't feel prepared for 3 out of 4 subjects? and it sucks that my free study day has to be spent feeling sick. damn it. oh well. i'll just make up for it tonight and tomorrow.

speaking of tomorrow, chinese results are coming back. oh noes. my expectations aren't too high for this one; i'll be happy with just a pass. then i can drop chinese for good. yays. a B would be a nice surprise though, and an A would really make my day. but the chances of that happening are next to none.

hmmm...i guess that's all there is to it. man, i still don't feel that good.

-thingy of the day: This is bad...-

Everyone repeat after me: CT'S IN 3 DAYS' TIME!!!! fantastic, isn't it? damn. the message's full effects are only felt when you put it in black and white. crap. i notice i'm cursing every alternate sentence. bleeding moron. let's do a little results prediction:

Chem - A
Physics - C
Econs - C or D
Maths - D or E
GP - B3 to C5

the prospects look rather bleak, don't they? up to now, chem is still my only saving grace. i don't feel prepared for the CTs. other schools are having theirs after the march holiday study break. unfair. well, that's life i guess.

above all the things i need now, the thing i need most is a reality check. it's really time to wake up and smell the fresh flowers/boiling coffee/burnt toast/whatever pleases you. thing is, honeymooning is so much more pleasant than opening your eyes. denial, that's what an old teacher of mine calls it. sadly, it's hard to wake my idea up if he (it?) chooses to sleep in. hopefully i won't need a drastic wake-up call.

life's a bitch right now. i really should be studying. yet, it's hard to summon the determination to kickstart the process. this reaction has a high activation energy. blah. speaking of activation energy and chem concepts, i got selected for chem s-paper. i've finally fulfilled my secondary school ambition. let's take it a step further and aim for a distinction at a-levels.

in other freaky news, right after Mr Loh says he's been browsing around blogs, i receive a tag supposedly written by him. coincidence? i seriously hope so. for once, i'm actually hoping it's a prank.

ever notice how people are only appreciated/recognized when they've passed away? take for example the late Eddie Guerrero from WWE. he's going to be inducted into the hall of fame. while that's not necessarily bad, i'm just wondering. had he not died, when would the officials even start to consider his induction? i suppose, in a sense, his death catalyzed his increase in popularity. just think. there has been no mention of selecting other prominent wrestlers who have done more for the business than Eddie Guerrero. but should one of them pass away, i have the feeling that they would join the hall of fame class of 2006 relatively soon.

tired. must sleep. combined RJ training tomorrow at 9. whee.

-thingy of the day: A-Level results are coming back next Wednesday!!-

Bon Jovi - The Radio Saved My Life Tonight

I got something on my mind; I'm just a little bit depressed
I try to blame it on the rain, but it was in my heart, I guess
I'm feeling like a stranger when I drove through my hometown
Past the sign that reads 'The Boyhood Home of a Place That's Long Gone Now'
I realized ain't nothing what it used to be
Until I heard a song that takes me to my memories

Radio saved my life tonight
An old song that that DJ played made me feel all right
I made it home by my dashboard light
The radio saved my life tonight

Just this side of morning, just this side of dawn
I walked so soft into my bedroom, saw my wife sleeping alone
She whispered, "Baby, are you OK? Have you been gone for long?"
I just kicked off my jeans and I held her close, I held her all night long
I tried to sleep but in my mind I heard that song
Like a friend in need the melody keeps me hanging on

Radio saved my life tonight
An old song that that DJ played made me feel all right
I made it home by my dashboard light
Radio saved my life tonight

The radio saved my life tonight
The sad song that the DJ played made me feel alright
As I drove down that lonesome highway just me and my dashboard light
The radio saved my life tonight

Radio saved my life tonight
That old song that the DJ played made me feel alright
I made it home by my dashboard light
Radio saved my life tonight
The radio saved my life tonight
The radio saved my life tonight
The radio saved my life tonight (repeat to fade)

Number one song stuck in my head now. i still think Bon Jovi rocks. you know, i get the impression that they sang this song in order for it to perform the function of the song in the song, ie. that this song would one day be considered "old" and maybe save someone's life. maybe i'm reading into it too much, but that's just my 2 cents' worth.

so there was cross-country today. my original plan was to skip it, but my conscience got the better of me. i really have to learn to stop feeling guilty about this type of things. anyway, i ended up running 5.2km when i was only suposed to run 4.2km, thanks to a screw-up by the chinese teachers. in addition to the extra 1km, i also walked home from macritchie as 156 was simply too crowded. i can't say it was all bad though; i guess i do need the extra exercise, and i saved 45 cents! go me. based on my sense of time, i'm estimating that i took about 35 to 40 mintues to finish the cross-country route. most definitely improvable, especially when the fastest time in school is only about 17 minutes+. hmmm...morning runs might be a good idea...or not. i'm not really a morning person. how about evening/night runs instead? they definitely sound more feasible.

i'm beat. and there's chem SPA skill a tomorrow. need to read it a bit.

-thingy of the day: My computer is lagging!!!-

Today is pretty significant to me, for it marks the date of my first-ever Judo competition. it's really different from normal training, where there's a friendly spirit in the air. in competition, it's very, well, competitive, for lack of a better word. even though i didn't get first place (i got third, in case you're curious), i'm not too angry about it. it's just that i got careless and screwed up against this HCI guy. while i naturally do wish that i didn't make that mistake, it was a genuine unforced error, and that makes it easier for me to forgive myself. well, all in all, it was a good learning experience. exp +1000, level up! </RPG> now to focus on age group and nationals (if i get the chance to participate).

this competition has allowed us to judge our abilities. i find it quite a pity that CJC and SJI didn't make a clean sweep of the medals (for the lower belt ranks at least). but you can't have everything go your way. nevertheless, i think we did ok for our first time. it also makes me happier, knowing that i can still do some stuff right. some motivation has been restored.

Judo is more tiring than it looks. i think i'm going to have an early night.

-thingy of the day: Next week looks slacker.-

For the first time in quite a long while, i felt all my motivation slip away. i guess it's been slowly draining for the past few days/weeks, but it hit rock-bottom today. it's difficult to pinpoint a specific cause for the near-breakdown, but i have a strong suspicion that one major factor was the maths test. integration sucks big time. it's oh-so frustrating to be 1 or 2 steps away from the final answer, and getting stuck there. try as i might, it's getting increasingly difficult to take a positive perspective when viewing maths. and the really stupid thing that i hate myself for is that i'm to blame, and not anyone else.

another factor leading to this state of mind is GP. frankly, i'm sick and tired of GP lessons. every class, it's the same. that grating voice that gets on your nerves, the pointless stuff we do, it's just a waste of time. also, i've just about had it with her teaching style and standards. it's pretty biased to judge an AQ answer solely based on length, isn't it? and it's also pretty moronic to pronounce "ethicist" as "atheist". i think someone's (over)due for re-training in NIE.

since i'm already on a rant, let's expand it a bit more. you know how there are certain kinds of people that you can (and even like to) see once in a while, but try as you might, there's no way both of you can coexist under the same roof? well, due to some shorthandedness at home, one of my maternal aunts has moved in to help out for a while. while (my family and) i do appreciate the gesture, it's just that she believes that we are stuck in/at the mental age of 3. she's concerned to the point of being restrictive and/or nosey. i bet i sound like an ungrateful brat, but believe me, you won't know what it's like unless you've tried it.

well, that's basically what's been pissing me off for the past few days or more. i think i'm going to regret ever writing out the above paragraphs sometime in the future, but i seriously couldn't care less now. worst case, i'll shift blog. too bad for me if i ever have to...i really like this URL. ah well.

now that i've cooled off a bit, let's see what's going on tomorrow. training, maybe going to visit my pretty dogs, self-psycho for competition. i still don't feel prepared. maybe training will change that. heh. doubt it though.

this is most definitely not one of my better days, or weeks, for that matter.

-thingy of the day: Gustav Kirchhoff, Puyi and Chopin all died on my birthday. No wonder I'm not that good at physics, chinese, history and music.-

My original plan was to blog yesterday, but blogger was acting all screwy and didn't allow me to sign in. so, i'll do a delayed post now.

valentine's day, or singles' awareness day (as partner-less people like me sometimes think), was not that much of a big deal in cat high. i mean, guys aren't sappy enough to give each other gifts. but then, when you go into JC, valentine's day suddenly becomes quite a big thing, with gift exchanges and all that going on. i must admit, it feels quite good to receive stuff. for the first time in a long while, i felt well, recognized, and appreciated, to a lesser extent. this kind of day does my heart good.

sadly, the rest of the week is going to negate any possible positive effect that valentine's day has brought. it's really been quite hectic these past few days. either the teachers are going really fast, or i'm too stunned to keep up. take differential equations for example. i'm still not getting the hang of it, but i guess it's just lack of practice.

other than the speed of lessons, there are also several tests on the horizon. econs and physics tomorrow, maths on friday, chem SPA next wednesday. arrgh. this is bad. i need some stress relief. i think everyone in class, even the teachers, is/are feeling the effects. there's been an exponential increase in lameness in class, and not a soul is spared. but it's all good since it sustains us through the day.

competition's coming up on sunday!! oh noes. i still feel unprepared. judo isn't like bowling. you can't go in, have fun, and still hope to win. it's all serious. not only that, it's also the first-ever judo competition which i'll be competing in. pressure. oh the pressure. anyways, i'm just going to set a pretty meet-able target, which is to last the full 3 minutes in the ring. of course, a win would be nice, but that's secondary for now. let's just take things a step at a time.

-thingy of the day: My tagboard seems kind of stagnant...-

Blah. weekend's almost over already, and there's school tomorrow. can someone make school go away?

anyway, to talk about slightly less depressing matters, saturday's training was pretty screwy. it was the first time the coaches pmsed at us in front of the J1s. man, i remember about a year ago, when they did it to the (then) J2s. quite scary, from an observer's point of view. also, saturday showed me that i'm not really that prepared for competition. and the team's not really helping to increase my confidence either. they're taking turns to tell me horror stories about this 100+kg guy from NY whom i'll have to face next week. but well, i suppose it's better to know what (or who, in this case) you'll be facing, rather than being freaked out on the day itself. last thing about training: saturday, the 11th of february, marks the day that i received the last ride from big boss. and that's not an experience i want to repeat again.

seems that cat high did less well in the o-levels as compared to last year. the class of 2004 rocks. i'm guessing the ranking will drop, but it'll still be within the top 15 or 20. oh well. HBK only has another 2 years as principal. i wonder what other nonsense he'll come up with in that time.

i believe a lot of people will be staying in CJC this year. somehow, 3 months in CJC has the effect of making a person want to stay on, no matter his result. i'm thinking that judo will be nicely populated. we have a few potential stars who will (or at least should) be staying on, so that's good.

speaking of "depressing", it's almost certain that i'll be spending next tuesday alone (other than school and training, that is). oh well. it's nothing new, really. i've been doing that for the past...16 years or so. personally, valentine's day sounds like a big scam to me. why reserve that ONE day to be romantic? any other day of the year is equally good for romance. it's a marketing ploy, i tell you.

well, that all i'm capable of thinking up now. the coming week will, in some way, provide some influencing factors in several of my decisions. to quote a famous...umm...quote, i'm hoping for "the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things that i can and the wisdom to know the difference."

-thingy of the day: Check out my class blog! Click here.-

Well, what's done is done. i've given my best in the test, and all i can do now is to await the results. should i not be selected, then tough luck to me. i noticed that they repeated a question or two from the s-paper assignment. overall, i'm predicting probability of meeting my expectation (23-28 upon a full 60) is about 35 to 40%. probability of exceeding expectations: 5%. probability of underperforming: (100 - the rest)%. not a very pretty picture. nevertheless, whether selected or not, i think sitting for the test has been a good experience, as it showed me how much i don't know, and what BS i'm capable of cooking up when under pressure.

Also turns out i didn't make the cut to be a facilitator for orientation 2. i should have guessed it earlier; my interviewers didn't look too interested. frankly, i couldn't care less. being a facilitator would have been nice, but it's not high up on my priority list. besides, i was just looking at my long list of stuff to do, and not being a facilitator helps to shorten it, which is good. gives me more time to focus on more important things, as well as more time for relaxation.

i'm drained. i'll just cut it here.

-thingy of the day: S-paper is traumatizing.-

SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!

i seriously think i'm doing too much in too little time. for instance, there's the chem s-paper selection test tomorrow, helping out at marina south, physics s on thursday, danceworks rehearsal on friday, training on saturday, and last and most certainly not least, Kyu Grade competition coming up on sunday. i think it may not be possible for me to fulfill all these requirements, and i may have to drop some stuff. well if it should come to that, danceworks and pjysics s will be amongst the first to go. or maybe i'm looking at this too seriously. maybe this is just a once-in-a-blue-moon busy week. i'm sure it'll pass.

as i've said before, the chem s-paper selection is tomorrow!! oh noes. guess who's feeling unprepared? you've got 3 guesses, and the first 2 don't count. well, i guess i'll do some last-minute reading during break and go into LT3 (or was it LT4?) mentally prepared for rejection. oh well. if i'm not fated to take it, it won't work out. even if i scrape by now, i may still drop out later. i'll just do my utmost and let god/allah/buddha/odin/ra/krishna/whoever decide my fate. and i've probably mentioned this somewhere before; if chem rejects me, i'll reject physics. in some way, i guess this is good. more time for training.

while on the topic of training, kyu grade is on sunday. and once again, guess who's the unprepared one? no prizes for the correct answer. this sucks. i'm starting to get that feeling of inadequacy again. but i'll take heart in the fact that big boss is confident enough to let me participate. or it could also be because my weight category is underpopulated, but i'll just think positive until proven otherwise. damn. i do realize i need to train more. this in turn leads to a lot of hypothetical questions being asked, and eventually, it comes full circle to the "grass is always greener" syndrome. bugger it. i'm not going to kill any more brain cells over this thing.

wells, that's about it for me. i'm tired, and tomorrow's lecture day. does someone have something against me, or are they trying to force me to sleep in class tomorrow? arrgh. must persevere. as a last point of/for thought, i found out the the person/people upstairs work in funny ways. normally, i hate disruption to my stuff, but this time, the disruption was beneficial as i finally found a pair of really nice, comfortable pants which i thought went missing slightly more than half a year ago. heh. i don't know why this topic suddenly sprang up, but it serves to lengthen my post. after all, why bother deleting the big block of text now that it's already been typed out?

-thingy of the day: Judo training makes you feel old.-

Looks like there's been quite the dry spell over here, hasn't there? a 10-day dry spell, to be exact. i don't know what prompted the sudden hiatus, but i think normal blogging frequency will be restored soon.

over the past 1.5 weeks, several things have happened, one of them being CNY. to me, CNY is pretty blah. all the realtives go, "wah! li zhin jia tua han liao!!" translated, "wow! how big you are!" i don't know if they've noticed, but i've stopped growing since sec 4, which was 2 years ago. i suppose it's their way of finding something to prevent an awkward silence, since people who see each other only once a year have very few common topics of conversation. well, you have to give them points for trying...though personally, i think i'd prefer the awkward silence.

the other thing about CNY is, well, at the risk of sounding mercenary, the money. i've never been one to keep track of my total collections over the years, but as a point of reference, this year's haul wasn't too bad. in case anyone's curious, the total amount collected was $586. still no 4-digit figure, but to me, it's a respectable sum nonetheless. looks like i'm a step closer to my savings goal this year.

i've also discovered some interesting facts about a prospective phone of mine, the N90. apparently, it doesn't vibrate! wow. also, the ringing volume appears to be kind of soft for some people. but i wouldn't know since i couldn't try it first hand. after much thought, i think it's not exactly practical to get a new phone now. after all, i'll be serving the nation in about a year's time (give or take a few months), and camera phones are prohibited within camp. so i guess my plans for a new phone will be backburnered until 2009 or so. oh well. it's not like i really NEED a new phone. i guess i can wait. besides, there are bound to be new and better models by the time i'm out of NS.

now the next bit might sound uncharacteristic, but i actually volunteered myself for chingay. not being very artistically inclined, i didn't do anything drastic like volunteering to be a performer. instead, i think i'm more of an usher type, so that's what i did. it was really fun and easy, and i enjoyed myself there. i must say, it was a great experience, except when it rained on our parade (pun intended) on the second day. you know, it's during these out-of-school activities where you get to see your classmates in a different light, especially those you rarely interact with in daily school life. i think i should make an effort to know everyone better. after all, we only have about 8 more months together as a class. sure, it sounds like a terribly long time, but so did a lot of things in the past. after the a-levels, 2t20 will be disbanded. kind of scary to think of it now, but it'll happen eventually.

so...what else needs to be said? umm CNY, chingay, N90...i think that's basically it for now. OH...i just remembered. i went to watch xiao hai bu ben 2, or i not stupid too. i must say, the interval of 4 to 6 years has been good for the actors. they've grown up well, if you know what i mean. anyways, actors aside, the movie itself was great. emotional, yet funny. i realized that i can't really cry during movies. maybe i'm too tough, or that one super-emotional film that will get me hasn't come out yet.

there are 3 econs assignments due tomorrow, and guess who hasn't done a single one? oh noes. i'll just have to get up early tomorrow and go to school to do it. and there's PE too. 5 stations. it just gets better, doesn't it?

-thingy of the day: Humans want what they can't have the most.-