Today is probably the first or second time in my (soon-to-be) 5 semesters in NUS when i have felt like crying after coming out of the exam hall. reason being that the organic paper was relatively easy, but i still managed to mess it up. i didn't even feel this bad after analytical, because i knew that no matter how much extra time i had, i still wouldn't be able to do the questions. but if i had another half-hour for this paper, i'm sure that i would have been able to secure a few more marks.

what REALLY annoys me is that this time, the spectroscopy questions were easy compared to the synthesis questions! to be fair, i messed up because i was too dense to interpret the first set of spectra correctly. and the annoying thing is that the professor purposely set it easy, and we did a similar example in tutorial before. i just don't know why a fused-ring system didn't occur to me when i was reading the question. of course, now that i know the answer, it seems so blindingly obvious. all i can hope for is that the professor marks a bit more leniently, and (as bad as it sounds,) that others messed up the synthesis part more than i did. realistically, i think i'm at a B or even B- grade. optimistically (based on the fact that the final is worth only 60%), i'm hoping for a B+, and (somewhat unrealistically) maybe even an A-.

somehow, my intuition tells me that my second-upper dream is over. while i hope that isn't the case, i have a pretty good track record for sixth-sense predictions. fingers crossed.

well, at least it's over, have to look forward, to where IA is tomorrow. i don't know what to expect, really. as long as my help sheet comes in useful, i'll be happy that i didn't waste all my effort (and time, and ink) writing it. on the bright side, last paper tomorrow! then i can go to toa payoh popular to pick up my eragon book 4, as well as to get those file case thingies to store this semester's notes. yes, that's it. focus on the positives.

-random thought of the day: Funan tomorrow as well?-

Short update: japanese went...so-so. it was tough, but i saw people leaving like half an hour into the paper (damned pseudo-beginners. that's supposed to be illegal!). apart from that, the lecturer asked us to translate "clothes" into japanese. the annoying thing is that it was only VERY briefly touched upon in one tutorial. and of all the chapters that he could have tested, he tested on the one which i didn't pay attention to. trolling has taken place, but at least now i'll never forget that the word is "fuku". well, at least it's over. i'm hoping against hope for an A.

help sheet writing is coming along nicely. i finished HPLC and GC today, which actually puts me (slightly) ahead of schedule! that means i can focus on organic spectroscopy tomorrow. better use the time to watch the videos which the professor put up. hopefully i'll be enlightened.

last thing. tomorrow's also my last session with RJC girl, and my last session of the year. sucks that i won't earn any more money until next year, and that's if i manage to get new tuition kids! with my massive purchases (computer, iphone) approaching steadily, i just hope that i have enough money left over by year-end to meet my (already-lowered) savings target.

-random thought of the day: Typing on a Mac is seriously annoying me.-

Let me just put on record how much i detest writing help sheets. it's mainly because i have to squeeze my handwriting so that it fits into unbelievably small places. the interesting thing is that i can still read what i've written! i wouldn't be so stressed if there wasn't a space constraint, but then no space constraint = open-book. bleh. at least i can take comfort in the fact that this is only the second (and probably the last) help sheet i have to write in NUS. seriously, i have no idea how maths majors write like 1 or 2 help sheets per semester. i'd just die if i had to do that.

on the more positive side, writing the help sheet has helped somewhat in my revision. while i'd still be finished in the exam if i forgot it, i'd at least scrape a C now, thanks to the passive diffusion that's been taking place. at this point in time, i'm left with about 2/3 of HPLC, and all of GC and electro. suddenly, getting it done by the weekend seems possible! only thing worrying me is the possibility of running out of space before finishing. while there's plenty of time to finish the current help sheet, it's probably too late to start another one. so, fingers crossed that nothing goes wrong.

i've got a japanese paper tomorrow, and i'm feeling pretty neutral about it. i mean, the nervousness is there, but i know that i've done well enough for my CA to be able to afford a few mistakes. and of course, that's where overconfidence sets in. still, i think that i'm ok with most of the content, despite not really spending much time studying for it over reading week. figure that it's largely due to the quizzes and all that throughout the semester. guess it pays to be consistent when learning a language. will probably go through the vocabulary, particles and sentence patterns once more tomorrow before the exam. should be fine.

-random thought of the day: This time next week, I'll be free!-

It still feels kind of surreal...apparently, exams have started already, and i've even sat for a paper. the problem is that it still feels like reading week. guess it's because my core modules' exams are still about a week away, so i don't feel that much of the pressure yet.

econs today was...i don't know. while i tried to reason everything out logically, i cannot guarantee that my logic was correct all the way through. one wrong deduction, and the whole thing goes boom. nevertheless, i am reassured by hearing people say that they guessed questions. since i didn't guess anything, but thought everything through instead, my score SHOULD be better, right? theory says so, but who knows what will happen in practice? in a desperate scenario, i have an s/u standing by...though i would rather keep all of them for higher-level japanese modules.

a few friends and i had lunch at u-town after the paper, and then we came back to science to study. it's been a pretty productive day today. finished up the minor topics for my IA help sheet, and i'm now left with electrochemistry, atomic spectroscopy, and chromatography...3 topics which span 8 sets of notes. oh joy. but on the bright side, today showed me that i can do about 1.5 sets of notes in about 3 to 4 hours (i saw that my end time was 3:45pm, but i forgot to note the start time). so...if i apply myself, 2 sets of notes per day actually seems possible. only thing i have to be careful about is not to let the frustration/impatience from restricting my font size get the better of me. and also to watch out for diminishing returns, of course.

with the exam and help sheet, i think i'm at my limit for heavy studying today. i'll probably use the 1 hour and a bit i have left in school to read some japanese and plan the sequence of topics for writing the remainder of my help sheet. there's dinner planned at some chinese restaurant later, so that's something to look forward to and keep the morale high.

-random thought of the day: Still can't believe it.-

Good thing i decided to work hard(er than normal) this reading week. the study plan which i put up is definitely going to need major edits. seems that the allocated timing for certain modules (particularly IA) is slightly off. i'm definitely going to need more time to finish my help sheet. assuming i do a topic a day, that'll take me...10 days. cutting it VERY fine, there. and let's not forget that i have other exams too. have to put more time into it every day, get more stuff covered in a shorter time...maybe 1.5 topics per day instead.

maybe it's for the best that my computer died. that way, there's totally no way for me to get distracted, meaning that i will now go to school on weekends to study. it's for the best, seeing as i need to squeeze time for my help sheet writing.

right now, econs is my #1 priority. the exam's in about 32 hours' time, and i am inadequately prepared. i'm counting on tomorrow's consultation session to save my macroecons. why did i take this module again? should have cut my losses and stopped after my B at A-levels. oh well. after this saturday, no more econs for life. promise.

-random thought of the day: Should people who don't try to improve their situations be allowed to complain?-

Uncle murphy strikes again! my computer (desktop) just died tonight...like, it's completely gone. can't boot or anything. luckily, i have everything i need printed out already. worst case is that i'll do my printing in school. so, it looks like i'll be getting myself a new computer this christmas, after all.

quick update today, because i'm tired and i don't really like typing on a mac. for the first time in my NUS life, i went back to school to study during reading week. it's actually quite good...i got a fair bit of work done today, and am pretty much still on schedule. could have done more if i'd remembered to bring my IA file. guess the environment does make a difference. somehow, you feel compelled to study when everyone around you is studying as well. and since today has been so successful, i'll probably be going back for all the remaining days.

meanwhile, sleep calls. a lot of studying naturally leads to me being more tired out than usual.

-random thought of the day: Blog about how well I know certain people.-

Kind of apt that it's raining on my last free day before reading week...creating a depressing mood and all that. this reading week, i'm going to try something different, which is to go back to school (almost) every day to get more work done as compared to staying at home.

as per tradition, here's the (idealized) study schedule:
monday (tomorrow) — start on IA helpsheet, macroecons
tuesday — annotate organic notes, finish up synthon list
wednesday — maybe take a break, or any module
thursday — econs
friday — microecons
saturday — econs exam, rest
sunday — minor IA, minor japanese, library visit
monday — japanese, organic spectroscopy
tuesday — japanese, finish IA helpsheet
wednesday — minor organic synthesis, japanese
thursday — japanese, japanese exam, organic
friday — organic, maybe cooking
saturday — IA final helpsheet check
sunday — organic
monday — organic, organic exam, IA
tuesday — IA, IA exam, freedom!

once again, this is the best-case scenario, so i'm definitely expecting deviation from the plan. if all goes well, i should be adequately prepared for the exams.

a thought occurred to me when i was in the library earlier. i am actually quite a bibliophile! as in, i like being around shelves of books. makes me...happy? relaxed? i don't know. let's just say i feel good around books. such a stereotypical ravenclaw. must be something left over from my days as a student librarian in primary school. but still, i think that making library visits a habit can't be all THAT bad for me, right?

speaking of libraries, i strongly feel that kids under the age of 6 should be banned from all public libraries, and kids between 7 and 18 should have their own soundproof floor(s). i mean, i'm all for introducing kids to the library at a young age, but can it be at an age when they've already learnt how to whisper? people seem to forget that the library is a place for QUIET reading. actually, teenagers aren't so bad...when they're alone. they only get noisy when they're in groups. i think it's some "strength in numbers" thing. if i could, i'd kick every single one of the noisy buggers out, regardless of how many there are.

you know, i sometimes think the world would be better if i had a say in how it was run. i don't mean politics or economy...those can go settle themselves. i mean like if the world had an international "social/order" body...i think that i'd do some good if i was its head. then again, given my rather extreme views on escalators, buses, driving, and lifts (to name only 4 things), it might not work out so well after all. luckily i have no aspirations for world domination...or any form of politics at all, really.

post-exam plans are already starting to form in my head! and this is a week before my exams start, mind you. not good. i guess going to school will be beneficial for me, after all. thank goodness for friends who will be there as well. with positive peer pressure, i'm sure i'll be able to get things done.

-random thought of the day: Next post prompt is tuition, money, computer.-

Only 10 days separate me from the first paper, which is econs next saturday. after that, there's japanese on the following friday, followed by organic and IA on moday and tuesday respectively. i'd rather have econs and japanese closer together, and have a larger time interval to study for the cores. but well, this isn't horrible...i'm sure i can make good use of the time i have.

like i said last post, this week is the last week of school. econs and japanese lectures have ended already, and the core modules' lectures will end tomorrow. it seems kind of fast, though i must admit that other semesters have been faster. at least i seem to recall most of the stuff that was taught for all modules (except IA, because i skipped too many lectures). for most of the modules, i think i'm pretty ok. can probably use reading week to cram enough econs in my head to pass. for japanese, i'm feeling pretty good about it...horrible listening test aside. quick digression: we had a listening test yesterday, and the difficulty was much worse than the previous listening quizzes. i couldn't even catch the dictation; the lecturer was speaking that fast. but anyway, i think i'm in a good place for japanese.

organic is challenging. with the introduction of 2D NMR, spectroscopy has just suddenly become about 5 times more challenging. not to mention there's still the synthesis part, which i have basically neglected for the last 7 weeks. lucky there's a revision lecture tomorrow, so i can get reacquainted with synthesis. while i'm concerned for organic, i am practically panicking myself silly for IA. for starters, there are like...11 or so sets of notes. those notes have to be compressed into a single piece of A4 paper. not easy, by any means. my friend, who's been more consistent in IA than me, has already filled up one side of the paper with content (excluding diagrams and equations) from 6 sets of notes. looks like i have a real task ahead of me, especially since my handwriting's not that small.

the last hurdle i have to cross during semester time is the oral interview on friday. i am grateful that my partner is one of the better ones in class, so i'm not terribly stressed about it. but i still have to do my part, by going through the sentence patterns, vocabulary, and conversations. not to mention practising a few scenarios with him before the actual interview. i just hope i don't panic, say something stupid, lose the plot, or have something bad happen. keeping my fingers crossed until after 5:30pm on friday.

umm...oh yes. phone update time! ok. update's over. in other words, nothing's happened...on the parents' end anyway. i've done some research, and found out that my phone contract expires in a year and 2 weeks' time. by then, i might be tempted to wait for yet another release. early cancellation of my contract currently costs about $300. consequently, i'm still mildly annoyed with my dad for recontracting my line without telling me. i figure i'll wait until after exams to make the change. then, i'll have time to transfer contacts, set up the preferences, wallpaper and all that other cosmetic stuff. patience.

meanwhile, it's bedtime for me. have to at least make an effort to attend the last IA lecture tomorrow. hopefully, the lecturer will drop something useful for the exam...preferably the questions.

-random thought of the day: Time to download and compile files.-

Deadlines have came and went, leaving me incredibly free. well... for this weekend, anyway. nice coincidence that it's a long weekend due to a public holiday on sunday/monday. the not-so-nice bit is that next week is week 13, which is the last week of school. lecturers will be wrapping things up, and leaving us to die study for our finals. but i'm not going to think about that just yet. the most pressing thing for me to do at this moment in time is to write a proper, insightful post.

over the past week, i've had many thoughts which i want to write down for future reference. hope i remember all of them...

first on my mind is about friends and maybe more. you know, no matter how close you get to some people, you will never see them as anything "special". they can become something like your second family/siblings, but you're probably not going to be attracted to, or fall in love with them. after spending some time thinking about it, i've come to the conclusion that relations with friends can run on 2 tracks: the platonic track, and romantic track. platonic friends, which in my case, includes the chem kids and JC classmates, will remain as just that. though sometimes, a platonic friend may cross tracks and become a romantic interest, something like what that person did. people can change tracks the reverse way, too...like someone who i used to like, but is a really good friend now. that's still somewhat easy to understand. the complicated bit is that the tracks run relative to each individual person, meaning that if person A perceives person B as a friend, the reverse may not be true. see what i meant by complicated? if the MRT system was anything like this, we'd have the worst train service in existence.

on the topic of interpersonal relationships, isn't it funny how there are things that you'd rather tell acquaintances than close friends? unlike the previous thought, i can't give examples here for the sake of my privacy. the difference between friends and acquaintances is especially apparent when comparing real life to the internet. like i feel comfortable revealing information about myself to some people i know on pottermore, but i would never write that information here. but that's all i want to say about that topic for now.

social consideration is still weighing on my mind. particularly, the issue of escalators and buses. normally, i'm tolerant enough to put up with slight delays, though there are 2 exceptions — when it's early in the morning, or when i'm in danger of being late. why won't people think about the greater good? even though singaporeans want more freedom,i sometimes think a bit of dictatorial enforcement is necessary. like if i had the money and power, i'd pay the MRT stations to broadcast "please keep left" messages in all possible languages and dialects, and have armed guards to shoot the people who still insist on standing still on the right side of the escalator. same with buses. i'd rig the "stop" button to shock those who pressed it after the bell rang once. if only i could do all that. you know, i think that's part of the reason why i prefer being alone...so that i don't have to deal with idiots. i'm not saying that i'm better than them, but i don't inconvenience others this way. i know, it's a minor thing, and i'm probably silly to get so worked up over it. but you just can't help some things, you know?

in about 2 weeks' time, my source of income will completely dry up for the year. RJC girl and CJC boy will be sitting for/will have sat for their exams by then. to be perfectly honest, i'm not very optimistic for either one of them. for RJC girl, it's because she forgets her basic concepts. the questions she asks are normally what i'd consider as easy, though i know it's not a fair comparison. still, i have to admit that she's improved, but not as much as i'd like. assuming she's careful and knows what the question wants, i think a B should be achievable, though i'd like to see an A. as for CJC boy, he hasn't forgotten his concepts. how can you forget something you never knew? i seriously cannot believe he was allowed to take H2 chem, when he either forgets or doesn't know things like typical transition metal compound colours. in his case, i'm optimistically looking at a B, if he reads the question correctly, keeps his answers concise, and doesn't have blank moments...which is actually quite a lot to ask for from him.

this drop in income isn't exactly good. remember how i wanted to upgrade my computer? well...assuming i use the same monitor, keyboard, mouse, speakers, and graphics card, i'm estimating that i have to spend anywhere from $800 to $1200. coupled with my income at a standstill, that's quite a severe bomb. as usual, i ask myself, "is it necessary?" well...yes and no. strictly speaking, i can work on this computer, so there's no real NEED for an upgrade. but the danger is that if my computer dies (and i think it might happen in the next 6 months), all my university files will be inaccessible for some time until i can get a new system hooked up and the files recovered/transferred. not to mention doing lab reports and the like will be more troublesome. not totally impossible, but with a LOT more hassle. that's an inconvenience i simply cannot afford during semester time.

but on the flipside, this urge to upgrade is also partially driven by quality of life issues. right now, i'm running on 2gb RAM, and it makes the gaming experience kind of substandard, with issues such as severe lag, which i cannot afford in the middle of a fight. what's worse is that there are now 4 free MMOs on the market which i want to play! all in all, i think that an upgrade (partial at least, if not full) is needed. at any rate, i definitely have to replace my RAM, or maybe up the maximum to 8gb.

sidetrack to talk about MMOs. as you may know, i only have lifetime subscription for STO (it's paid off already, by the way. i'm essentially playing for free now). other than STO, DCUO ad CO offer lifetimes as well...or at least CO does. DCUO seems to have stopped that practice. to me, lifetime subscriptions are kind of risky. if it pays off after 16 months or whatever the case may be, that's fine and well. but there's this nagging fear that the game bombs, and that the $250 or so spent on it is wasted. of course, the risk is lessened by proper analysis and past records. like for instance, i'm still having second thoughts about getting lifetime for DCUO (if they still offer it), but if CoH launched lifetime at a similar price, i'd get it in a heartbeat. then, there are what i call questionable decisions. out of the 3 games that offer(ed) lifetimes, i would probably have gotten it for DCUO instead of STO if they came out at the same time. still, what's done is done. i suppose i could always sell my STO account or something, if i was really desperate.

don't know if i've mentioned this before, but my parents are (supposedly) getting me an iphone 4S for my birthday present. being motivated by it, i went to check out the prices on starhub. i've been thinking about several options, and my conclusion is that i'll probably go for the cheapest plan (100 minutes outgoing, unlimited SMS, 12gb data). while i pay more upfront for the phone ($498 for 16gb; my friend tells me that that amount of memory should be enough for my consumption pattern), i ultimately save in the long run (assuming i don't exceed the monthly limits). of course, there's that little issue about when my current line expires, so i'll have to look into that and factor in any additional costs, or take any constraints into account.

the next 1 day and a bit will be devoted to R&R. i figure that i can spare myself a break after a horrible week. have to start working a bit on monday (even though it's a holiday). need to get my japanese reading practice done, and start work on grammar patterns for the oral interview this coming friday. after this coming week, it's reading week before the first paper starts on the saturday after next. bleh.

-random thought of the day: Making a lot of typos...-