Lately, there have been several drastic changes taking place in my life.

the first, and most obvious one, would have to be my enlistment in the SAF. my long absence would probably have clued you in on the fact that i've completed my 2-week holiday in an island resort, aka. confinement period in pulau tekong. now, only 13 more weeks to go before i POP on 21 march. right now, it seems like a terribly long time, but from personal experience, i know it's going to seem to pass really quickly...once it's over.

army life is a lot more controlled/strict/regimental than regular civillian life. while it does take some getting used to, it's not all that bad. i think being in a boys' school for 4 years definitely helped in the acclimatization process. there have been some new experiences, like getting to use a real M16 (incidentally, isn't it odd that the law allows 16-18 year-old guys to hold rifles and shoot live ammunition, but not to watch porn?), learning some foot drills (which i have a headstart in, thanks to the BURST camp in cat high), hand-washing your own clothes, showering with cold water only, and other interesting stuff. it's mostly been quite slack, but i hear things pick up after the first book-in.

in the army, everyone comes in on equal footing. luckily, that's the case in my section. there's been no discrimination or politics, which i find to be a blessing. as an added bonus, everyone's getting along really well. our superiors also seem...human. they do get angry and roar at us, but there are times where they laugh and joke around too. it helps to foster a closer relationship, i think.

well, i think that covers the bare essentials of army life. honestly, i'm still apprehensive of the whole 2 years thing, but i figure since i'll have to do it anyway, i might as well make the best out of it.

lastly, merry christmas!

-random thought of the day: Booking in on christmas day is no fun.-

This'll most probably be my last post for a week or two (or three). so, i figure i'd better get started on the first of my 2 year-end posts.

2006 has been a rather interesting year...i think an appropriate theme for it would have to be "sharing electrons", or more simply, "forming bonds" (sorry, i couldn't resist. it's the chem student in me). a common trend i notice is that classes tend to only bond closely in their final year together in the school. it's the same for both my sec 4 and J2 classes. though with T20, much of the closeness was there already in J1, so we didn't have to work too hard at it this year. i know i don't say it enough, but i am extremely happy to have been placed in T20. i don't think i could ask for 25 better people (and 5 better teachers) in CJC. though there have been some rough times (probably more than i'd like to remember), we still made it through the 2 years relatively smoothly.

well, so much for my class. next, my school. as i've mentioned before, i did not expect my stay in CJC to last beyond 3 months. and yet, i've graduated from it. funny how fate works. anyway, i suppose it was for the best that i stayed in CJC. the people are generally nice, friendly, and (as far as i know) politics rarely exist within groups. only problem is the administration can be a tad too rigid/demanding at times, and this had led to some clashes within the staff, which will end up being the school's loss as some teachers are leaving already.

moving on to the personal side, i think i've been doing ok this year. no major outbursts or anything like that (except for the occasional scream or three when stressed). after referring back to my new year's post, i realize i've succeeded in fulfilling only a limited number of my new year's resolutions. still, i'm quite proud of myself, in the sense that there have not been any major screw-ups or stuff like that. well, none that i know of, at least. for all i know, i may be saying something completely different next march.

in summary, there have been some significant achievements (NYAA especially), as well as some trying times, both in and out of school. still, i've made it through this far, largely due to the support of those around me. so, i'd like to say "thank you" to everyone in my life. do make an effort to keep in touch in the future!

you know, i bet there are some things which i've forgotten. but i really can't think of them now, so i may edit this post in the future. also, there are things which i can't seem to fit in, like some of the new friends i've made, the frenzied pre-prelim and A-level night studying, training and training camps, and various other events. i haven't forgotten them; it's just that it's difficult to put them anywhere in the paragraphs above.

---------------

to be perfectly honest, i'm not really looking forward to the drastic change in my life. army is kind of foreign, and all the stories i've been told don't really help things either. yes, i know most of them are no longer true, that we're getting slackened-down training as compared to 10 or 20 years ago, and the vegetables are no longer sandy. it's hard to imagine that i'll finally be facing this...THING which i've been hearing about since childhood. i suppose it's like meeting someone famous, like the president, only that this entity is neither human nor the president. well, i guess i'll go in there for the 2 years, and get out. no fuss, no trouble. just maintaining a low profile.

so, that about wraps up what i need to say for now. with that, i'm off to settle my christmas cards and check over my army stuff again.

see you all again (hopefully) at christmas!

-random thought of the day: Weird Al Yankovic performs "Yoda" live!-

It's amazing what one can learn while attending a class gathering. at one of those functions on monday, i learnt that there are 2 more couples within my class. apparently, it's been going on since the A-levels ended. for the privacy of the parties concerned, i'm not going to mention names, though i must admit i'm quite surprised at the pairings. not what i'd have imagined, but oh well. if it works out, i'll be happy for them. if not, well, at least they tried. after all, "It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." (this quote of the day is brought to you courtesy of Alfred, Lord Tennyson).

i haven't sent (or, for that matter, bought or written) my christmas cards yet! to most ordinary people, this wouldn't seem like such a big deal at this time. thing is, this year, i'm not classified as "ordinary" because of that big monster in camouflage paint which calls itself "NS". so, i'm going to have to shop for, write, and mail about 20 to 35 cards by thursday evening. not completely impossible, but it'll definitely take quite a bit of time. i'm looking to start a tradition with this christmas cards thing, and as the unwritten rule goes, the act must be carried out for 3 consecutive years/months/measure of time before it's an official tradition. so, this will be the third year i send the cards out, and this'll officially make it a tradition. yays. the same applies for my year-end posts. but since this year's different, i think i'll do 2 of them, one for my J2 year in CJC (which must be up by thursday night), and the other for my initial impressions of army life, provided i can blog about the stuff going on in the army, that is.

upon the ending of one phase of my life, one thing i try to do is resolve all bad feelings/relationships that have been accumulated. i guess it's a way of clearing any misunderstandings and whatnot before a new phase begins. it's...relieving, for lack of a better description. this time, there's one particular thing involving one particular person which i want to bring to a close. no point dragging the issue on, yes? might as well get it over and done with and give everyone some peace of mind.

having said that, i think i'm off to get some rest. tomorrow's another long day.

-random thought of the day: Go to Black Angus sometime...it's worth it!-

Does hot or cold travel slower?

the answer, of course, is cold. i can confidently say this as i've just caught one of the little buggers, but i have yet to catch a hot. my nose is alternating between blocked up and runny, and i'm not in the best of moods right now. but i figure it'll clear up within the next 2 to 3 days or so.

today was pretty fun. we FINALLY had a 4-6 gathering! this is especially significant as it's the first time i've seen some of them in 2 years, and it'll probably be the last time i see them for another 2 years due to NS and all that. though the attendance could have been better (we got 10/32 people), i still consider it quite a success. after all, it's better than nothing, right?

oh. graduation night. how could i nearly forget to mention that? even though i did most of the shopping barely a day before, i think it turned out ok. as for the actual event, it was mostly successful, except that the emcee had to work hard to get the crowd going. for the first time, i got drawn in a lucky draw! thing is, i didn't win the prize. who knew that the price of a DVD player could go up to $535? but oh well. i suppose it's for the best, as i didn't have to lug that bulky thing around all night.

also, i tried clubbing. i can safely say that that'll be the first and last time i go. too much smoke in the air. still, i can now honestly say i've been clubbing before.

i think it's the lack of sleep that's screwed my immune system up. without further ado, i'm off to clock in some solid hours of unconsciousness. hopefully my cold will go away before tomorrow's appointments.

-random thought of the day: That lemon-flavoured Panadol thing doesn't work!-

Wow. the exams are over. ok, so they've been over for close to a week, and i'm slow in updating. as usual, i'm going to do some predictions:

Physics - A or B
Chem - A
Chem S - Distinction/merit? (i'm hoping against hope here)
Maths - A or B or C
Econs - B or C or D (considering i fell asleep for a short while during the MCQ)
GP - A2 or B3

not as precise as my usual predictions, but well, this isn't a "usual" exam. in fact, i think i'm probably being WAY too optimistic. from these predictions, my best possible result is AAAB A2. hmm. i'd actually quite like that. it's not too shabby. and i'm not even going to work out the worst-case scenario, though anyone with more than 25 IQ points should be able to do it. there's no need to make myself worry, right? but i still can't shake the feeling that i'm setting myself up for a major letdown next year.

still, the A-levels are now a thing of the past (assuming i don't have to retake them). on one hand, i suppose that's a good thing, because it means liberation for me. and yet, it's bad also, because this means that my impending army enlistment date is drawing closer. with regards to when it is exactly, all i'll say is that it's soon. REALLY soon. sooner than i'd have liked, but oh well. can't change it; duty to the nation and all.

so...what have i been doing this past week? 3 words can cover it. they are: slacking, sleeping, gaming. nothing unusual about the first 2, but as for the third, i've finally started online gaming for the first time in my life. call me a late bloomer. as i've mentioned several times before, i'm currently hooked on City of Heroes. at present, i have 4 characters with levels ranging from 3 to 16 out of a possible 50. it's pretty fun, though it does get repetitive playing through the same missions so often.

with that, i think i've covered most of the stuff that's happened between my last paper and now. tomorrow, i have to go shopping for clothes, other random stuff, and get my eyes checked. should be fun.

-random thought of the day: Something still needs to be resolved...-

Physics today had a distinct "WTF, mate!??" quality to it. paper 1 went ok, as far as paper 1s go, but paper 2 was just plain...odd. who asks people to define a radian? and it took me quite a while to realize that that complex-looking circuit was a wheatstone bridge (which i did not read up on, by the way). and until now, i do not understand why/how i gave the definition for fusion when the question asked for fission. my life is *so* brilliant, isn't it?

and wait! it gets better!! the fact that there's chem and econs tomorrow doesn't make me a happy boy. ok, maybe chem will cheer me up a bit, but i have this (probably accurate) feeling that econs will screw it all up. still, must try to remain positive. in 48 hours, the worst will have passed. just 48 little hours. what's 2 days of suffering compared to 2 years of working? just grin and bear with it. it'll pass. it always does. just think of all the stuff i can do later!

it's getting late, and i should really be sleeping soon. after all, i have to be at full mental alertness if i want to make it through tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Be strong.-

Unbelievable. simply unbelievable.

i think it's kind of screwed up when your parents debate on your subject combination. it's been 2 years already, and they still ask whether i take physics. i mean, it's on my entry proof for a reason, isn't it? why would i not take subjects that are there? and it's not as if they've never seen all my result slips, or met Mr Loh at all the PTMs before (he teaches my class physics, by the way). so...i don't know. to actually hear them asking me that question was akin to hearing someone ask if a proton was positively charged, for lack of a better example.

if i do decide to have kids in the future, i'm sure all these little things will help me be a better parent. that is, once again, if i do decide to have kids. at present, i don't think they fit anywhere into my plans for the future. just imagine. how embarassing would it be for my kids to read this? i don't even want to take a guess. but anyway, if kids do come, i think my personal experiences will help me in being better equipped to tackle any problems that do come up, and appear nice and approachable at the same time.

as mentioned previously, tomorrow brings physics 1 and 2. though it appears manageable, i shouldn't start counting chickens yet. who knows what surprises those people can pull? still, i'm determined to get an A for physics. because my teacher's ability can only be justified by an A, nothing less. after all, he *is* the tai chi master. and my class is the last that he'll teach in CJC. so, we are duty-bound to give him something to remember us by. as such, we must go in there tomorrow and use his DA BIAN TIAN XIA WU DI SHOU skills.

after tomorrow, the worst is over here. econs. arrgh. essay, followed by DRQ/MCQ/CSQ. PAIN!! HORROR!! OTHER UNPLEASANT WORDS!! you get the idea. econs is quickly turning out to be the most bleh of my subjects. in fact, i'm thinking of not turning up for the paper. this predicament sounds familiar, doesn't it? only now, i don't have 3 weeks to chiong the subject in question, as with history at O-level. oh well. i'll make the most of a bad situation i guess.

it's kind of weird. i know deep down that i have 10 days to go until EVERYTHING ends. but subconsciously, i'm telling myself that it's only 5 days (or 3, depending on how tired i'm feeling). it's the wrong attitude, but still, as long as it helps me gain more motivation, i figure it works.

lastly, just a heads-up to f maths and geog students. thanks to our good friend Mr Not-A-President (Bu-Shi Zhong Tong, get it?), your timetable's altered. check the channelnewsasia website for more details. as for me, i think i'm off to get some sleep. i'll need much much endurance and motivation for the coming week.

-random thought of the day: There are many mosquito bites on my legs...I wonder why.-

Cambridge examiners are screwed up. actually, that's like saying absolute zero is chilly, which is a gross understatement.

so far, another 2 papers have been completed since the last update, namely chem 1 and maths 2. both were pretty unremarkable. for some odd reason, i think i'm affected by exam stress to a greater degree than i was 2 years ago. i made some dumb errors, and thoughts didn't seem to flow smoothly in the exam hall. the stupid thing is, after leaving the hall, i could do most of the questions that stunned me in a minute or less, like that hydrocarbons one for chem. and drawing a probability tree never occured to me while doing stats. amazing. well, as it stands now, i'm predicting either a B or C for maths. it's still too early to say for the other subjects, as i haven't sat for some of them yet.

just 5 more days of exams, and i'm free. thing is, these 5 days are spread over 12 days. it's very...frustrating. next week is going to be the most taxing. three papers in one day isn't really good for health. and i really need to save my econs. now that i've screwed maths up, i can't take any chances with the other subjects.

physics 1 and 2 are next on my list. i suppose it's a bit of a slack subject for me. but i shouldn't get carried away just because of my prelim results. if my AABD were to drop a grade each *touches an entire rainforest's worth of wood*, that would really be quite sucky. so, i won't let that happen.

-random thought of the day: If I get an A for maths, I'll donate $100 to a randomly chosen charity organization. Serious.-

I absolutely loathe maths.

i don't know why, but i was panicking in school before the paper. i guess it's the lack of confidence. it felt way worse than the prelims did, which probably means i'll get below 60 marks for this. that means if i get full marks for paper 2, i just may be able to see my A around the corner. riiight. oh well. who knows? miracles just may happen, as long as my willpower is strong enough.

if there's one thing i need to learn, it's not to dwell on what has already passed. really important skill, that one. i'm still struggling to perfect it. i think i let the negative feeling during and after the maths paper last too long, which is why i'm trying to get rid of it through blogging, and this helps me save many many $$ in therapy bills. yay blogging!

chem tomorrow. i really should be sleeping now, or at least reading up for my option, but i figured it's better to vent a little before that. it clears the head. you know, i think i may want to reconsider teaching as a backup plan. somehow, i get worried for my students. that's not a bad thing in itself, but i tend to get too worried, especially when they can't give me the answers i'm looking for. worst thing is, i'm not even getting paid for tutoring them, so imagine if i was. i think they'd end up hating me for all the stuff i'd put them through.

anyway, back on the topic of chem. i'm actually feeling less confident than usual. but hey, this is the biggest exam of my life to date after all, so i suppose that's natural...sort of. my environment option appears to be totally shot, so i'm not placing my hopes too high on it. just a pass there would be nice. as for the rest, i think there are just a few more kinks that need to be ironed out, especially in transition metals. it's mainly describing trends that gets me. i tend to be better at applying stuff, instead of memorizing it. ah well. at least i can take comfort in the fact that the subject head thinks highly of my ability, and that i was taught by one of the best teachers ever, though that was quite long ago. even now, i remember one recommendation letter he wrote for me. reading it gives me such a tremendous morale boost, it's amazing.

just another 2 weeks. that's all. i can survive this. why? because i'm pro. simple as that. right? of course. as you can see, self-affirmation is the key here. we all need encouragement once in a while, no?

oh. i just remembered. those geniuses at creative have run out of stock for a silver zen micro. so that means my player (which, incidentally, malfunctioned again) is not coming back for a while. damn. just when i need it for studying music. bad things happen at the most opportune time. that's murphy's law. after having 2 zen micros die on me, i'm now convinced that apple>creative. so next time my mp3 player screws up, it's an ipod for me. heck, i may even just sell the replacement zen micro on ebay straight away. to hell with creative. i'd love to support local brands, it's just that they don't give me a good enough reason to.

man, it does feel good to be able to rant on and on without a care in the world. but, i think that's enough for now. i really need to sleep soon, and take my mind off things. i'm becoming too high-strung. i should try to calm down more, like O-level days. then again, as i've recently taken to saying, "the theory part's easy, but the practical isn't."

-random thought of the day: Ketones do not react with Tollen's reagent.-

To celebrate the end of A-levels umm...GP, i was considering starting this post with typical ah beng/lian typing. you know, like all the "lahzxzzzzzx", "miiieeee" and other assorted stuff like that, but i couldn't bring myself to do that. even i draw the line somewhere. in fact, just typing those 2 words already gave me the chills, so i quickly scrapped that idea. still, it's good to know that i don't have to go out of my way to catch myself on every un-grammatical thought or phrase that pops into my head any more.

as for the paper, it was generally ok, except for some time management issues. seems like practically the whole world (in the science stream, at least) did the science question. i, on the other hand, did the common language question. call me nonconformist. heh. i actually felt that it was still manageable. but the comprehension was a little tricky, especially the summary and AQ, which i did not have sufficient time to plan for. all in all, i think a B grade is within reach, though an A would be a nice surprise.

you know, i absolutely hate it when people move my notes. i know i've said this before, but people don't get the idea. it's dangerous to make a stressed guy angry, and the A-levels are a constant source of stress. so, the next time my notes or books are moved without my premission (at least before the 22nd), i'm going to track down the one who's responsible and rip that particular person a new...orfice. they will then be able to take a crap in 2 places at once. but seriously. i've just about had it with people trying to "organize" my stuff unnecessarily. next time this happens, the effects won't be pleasant.

-random thought of the day: 13 more papers to go!-

My mind is as still as a lake...

or not. actually, i'm in a whole lot of distress right about now. the A-levels start tomorrow, with GP leading the assault. despite my A1 in O-level english, i'm actually quite worried this time round. it's a big leap from O to AO standard, and and even bigger one from O to A level. hopefully i get an A2 minimum, though i'm not objecting to another A1.

well, 2 years of work will be justified here. time to give the nice folks across the world an impression of how much (or how little) effort has been put in during this time. this is truly the beginning of the end. all the best to all my friends, classmates, teammates, and any others whose acquaintance i've made in the past 18 years of my life.

-random thought of the day: 20 more days until it all ends.-

Surprisingly, i made it through the day with no major incidents/embarassing moments. in fact, i'm tempted to say that it was one of the most productive days i've had since after the prelims. reading those econs notes does help a little, though i definitely need more time to commit all those acronyms to memory. i must admit, it does make remembering the factors somewhat easier. so far, i know that We Can Foster International Relations and D5 are about the advantages and disadvantages of trade respectively, I SP Y PS I is for factors affecting investment. there are quite a few others, which i shan't list here. too confusing.

self study aside, i think i did pretty well as a tuition teacher. managed to solve most of the problems without too much fuss. only thing was that some things didn't come as quickly due to my lack of sleep. still, i'd give myself a 7/10 performance. and i'll have to do it again tomorrow, not that i'm complaining.

it's been quite a while since i've posted twice in a day. i guess it's my body's way of depleting its energy source completely, since that leads to a more efficient recharge (this is really true when applied to phones, mp3 players, anything that runs on rechargeable batteries). so this means i'll be going off to sleep soon. need to regain energy.

Posting this early in the morning is a first for me.

the reason i'm not asleep now is, well, because i can't sleep (thank you, captain obvious!). but seriously, i doubt i got 2 hours of sleep through the entire night. all i remember about my short trip into dreamland was that i had a vision of killing huge underwater snails with a giant key and lightning magic...sort of like Kingdom Hearts (though there are no snail enemies anywhere in the game, as far as i remember). not the most relaxing of dreams, if you ask me. i have no idea why this is happening. my only hazy guess is that it's due to A-level pressure. incidentally, GP is in 3 days' time, and i still feel i'm lacking in content in areas like terrorism, happiness, and a host of other topics.

i really feel quite inadequately prepared sometimes. honestly, as of now, my prediction is BACC for physics, chem, maths, and econs respectively, and that's looking at it quite optimistically. i only have a few days to turn that into AAAB or AAAA. not impossible, but not easy. especially for econs, and to a lesser degree, maths. still, i should be grateful that i have some miraculous econs resources. now all i need to do is read them and get used to the acronyms.

aside from some odd occurrences like inability to sleep and questioning my own abilities sometimes, i'd say i'm coping pretty well, given the high stress level. i'm stressed enough to be worried, but not to the extent of a breakdown or anything ike that, which would be disastrous at this time. so i guess i'm pretty lucky.

you know, i just realized that in the event my A-level results are poorer than expected, i don't have a backup plan at all. so should my results be bad (touch wood), i'd be pretty screwed. so that's another reason for me do do well, isn't it?

well, my paragraphs are getting shorter, which means i'm running out of things to say. and guess what? i have to be in school later. go me. i think i'll try to get another hour or two of sleep in before then. but that depends on whether i can fall asleep or not in the first place.

-random thought of the day: 4 more Fridays before it's all over.-

Day after day, time slips by. there are now slightly more than 7 days until the GP exam. wow. i wish i could say that i was so caught up in studying to the extent where i didn't notice the time go by. but even a blind person would be able to see that i was lying. truth be told, i'm still considered extremely slack. something tells me i lost a little too much momentum after the prelims.

so, what have i done during the past few days? as mentioned earlier, not much. mainly just reading up on some chem, physics and econs. i feel slightly more confident for group 2, and econs in general. my physics appears to be slipping a little though, but kinematics was never my forte anyway. overall, there has been some progress made, but not as much as i'd have liked.

this afternoon, while taking a (not so) well-deserved study break, i chanced upon The Last Samurai showing on cable. i remember watching it in cat high at one of those post-prelim relaxation things, but i only caught the last hour or so then. needless to say, my break got extended by a whole lot as i watched the entire movie, all 2.5 hours of it. i don't know why, but i have a great appreciation for the japanese culture. almost makes me wish i was born there. then again, apparently the students there are pressured even more than singaporean students, so maybe it's for the best after all.

so, i think i'll cut my post here. blogger's due for maintenance, and i'm not sure when. so, it's better to be safe than sorry, right?

-random thought of the day: Must photocopy econs notes.-

Before you know it, another week has passed, and we move ever closer to the A-levels. it's hard to believe that it's been 7 days since graduation. anyway, in the past week, i've been doing some studying. most definitely not as much as i should be doing, but it's a start. i still don't feel particularly confident for all my subjects, and it's my...job? duty? responsibility? to change that in the coming 12 days. looking at my entry proof (p.s. make sure you have extra copies of it, just in case), i realized that i've paid $537 to sit for 14 papers, all in the course of 10 days. it kind of sucks, knowing that you actually have to pay to subject yourself to endless hours of studying and mental torture.

yesterday, i was flipping through the 2004 edition of the KCPSS yearbook. i must admit, some faces never change, while some others really look different as compared to when we were in primary school. i was still able to recognize most of my primary school class/schoolmates in the photos, though i had to read through the names to identify others. it was kind of...odd in a way, seeing as the yearbook's 2 years old, so that may not be the most accurate depiction of how they look now. i think it would be really nice to meet up with my old class again. but, that will have to wait until after november 22nd.

oh, before i forget, it appears that my phone bill wasn't paid on time, and my calls and messages have been barred. so, i haven't been able to reply any messages or make any calls for the entire day. and by some odd coincidence, everyone's asking me important stuff today. figures, doesn't it? anyway, to everyone that has tried to SMS me, i apologize, but i'll only be able to reply sometime later today, or even tomorrow.

as brother paul said on graduation day, it's the beginning of the end. when he said that, one song immediately came to my mind:

Donna Lewis and Richard Marx - At The Beginning
We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I had lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
At the end I want to be standing at the beginning
With you

We were strangers
On a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how our dreams would come true,
Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
I could begin here with you

And life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
At the end I want to be standing at the beginning
With you

Knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me, alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

And life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing at the beginning
With you

Life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep going on
Starting out on a journey
Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
In the end I want to be standing at the beginning
With you

as a group, be it T20, the science faculty, CJC, or even the entire country, we're at the beginning of the A-levels. it's only 33 more days until everything's over. perseverance.

-random thought of the day: Need to call the Toshiba people about my laptop.-

Eighteen. what a nice number. you know, this is the first number after 13 to have a horizontal plane of symmetry. anyways, if you look at the nice green (at the time of writing this post, may not apply to future templates) numbers at the bottom, you'll notice that they now say "18+". thus, i am a happy boy. being 18 opens many doors. for instance, i can legally drink, watch M-18 movies, drive, smoke, and do some other cool stuff. i mostly like it, except for the smoking part, since i'm strongly opposed to the act of smoking. while i can't stop others from doing it, i can choose not to join in.

so, 18. wow. i haven't quite gotten over the novelty of saying it. wouldn't it be nice if time just froze here? i'm old enough to be legal, and A-levels will never come. sounds like my idea of a perfect life. too bad no such thing will happen though. oh well. i suppose i'm allowed to have a dream, regardless of whether it comes true or not.

to end off the bit about my birthday, i'd just like to thank all the people who have made this day special through their tags, MSN messages, SMSes, personal greetings, and gifts. makes a guy feel loved. heh. well, 365 more days to go before 19, which brings along a whole new set of implications. for now, i think i'll just enjoy being 18.

school's out, and study break begins. funny, i seem to remember my sec 4 study break being longer than 2 weeks. maybe it's because i ponned excused myself from lessons a week few days before the break began. still, 2 weeks is actually not that short. i think it should be enough time to salvage my econs and not neglect my other subjects at the same time. it's a daunting task, but to quote a motivational poster, "Records are set to be broken; challenges are meant to be overcome." i can do this!

also, for the next 3 days or so (at least until saturday), i'm going to be living like a hermit. no computer, except for an hour every alternate night. it's study time now. remember T20's target of 4 (or 3) As. difficult, but achievable. as my old maths teacher would say, "things are not impossible. they are just challenging." just the attitude i need at this time.

-random thought of the day: Tomorrow's physics day!-

Tagboard died. the entire website's gone, and it's been replaced by some other funny stuff. i'm guessing the company went bust or something. so, in view of this, i've made the switch to cbox. having said that, i wonder, why didn't i do it earlier? it's far more user-friendly and you get to see your changes instantly. the code is also much shorter and easier to edit. the only little issue i have is that you can't edit what the posting button says, but that's just a minor detail. still, i'm pretty satisfied with it in general.

lots of stuff have happened in the past few days. on friday, we had our graduation assembly. it's really odd how one month can seem like forever, but 2 years can go by just like that. looking back, i think it's been a great experience, mostly thanks to my great classmates and friends. i just find it sad that we have to part ways after such a short time together. but it's not the end yet. somehow, i believe that we'll still meet up quite often, many years on. the contact list in my hands doesn't really hurt that possibility either. that reminds me. i have to scan it in and email it to everyone later. it was kind of touching, seeing some people cry and all that. nobody in my class did though, which i guess was a good thing.

while on the topic of graduation, i find that it's kind of...meaningless to give out the "best home class" award. while i admit, T18 has done lots of great stuff, but to me, T20 is still the best. it's really too subjective, but oh well. i can't post any more stuff here, because i'm saving material for my end-of-year post. all i'll say is that it's been really great being part of a wonderful class, and words can hardly express my gratitude and appreciation to everyone.

i also went for the cat high annual dinner on friday. it's funny who you'll meet there. i say this because i ran into my secondary 1 and 2 science teacher, who has since retired. guess what? she remembers me! i didn't quite expect that, seeing as she's pretty old (for lack of a better term). despite her age, she's still been quite active, doing travelling and all that. quite admirable. it was a little awkward at first, as many of the old boys are at least 15 years older than me. still, it felt good to be in their midst.

open house went pretty smoothly too. it's amazing how rusty you can get just by not training for a few months. even breakfalling took some getting reaccustomed to. luckily, i was still able to hold my own against the juniors. my face is saved! the only thing i'm unhappy with is that i neglected to do sufficient warm-ups before the event. as a result, i'm paying the price now. i'm aching all over, and believe me, it's not a good feeling. well, it should be gone in a day or two, but right now, it's annoying.

it's scary. some time ago, we were saying that A-levels were a month away. now, we're saying that A-levels will be over in a month's time. crap. i really must begin revision, and that starts tomorrow. no compromise.

-random thought of the day: Haze is really bad for health.-

NEW COMPUTER!!!

sorry...i just felt the urge to announce it to the world. as all of you smart people have probably figured out, my new computer's here. pretty nice-looking machine, and the system specs aren't too bad either. 160 gigs of memory. holy crap on a stick! like i'll need all that much space. then again, it's good to have extra space, because you never know when it'll come in handy. only thing i feel slightly uncomfortable about is the screen resolution. it's like 1440 X 900, which means my blog template appears small. oh well. i'm sticking to 1024 X 768 for the blog design, because i believe it's more commonly found.

now that the new computer's here, i can go online more often. to be honest, i don't know whether it's a blessing or a curse, since this means there'll be another source of distraction. with the A-levels coming in 2 weeks' time, i'm not sure i need that right now. well, at least i could resist the temptation to install new games. City of Heroes will have to wait until after 22 november, which, if you really look at it, isn't that far away. patience...

also, seems like i have a couple of visitors with murderous intent, or so it seems. they're actually old primary school classmates who happened to get acquainted with some of my current classmates while they were all in the same secondary school. i swear, singapore's such a small place, it gets kind of scary sometimes. you never know when or how your current friends are connected to your relatives or old friends, or when you'll meet your best friend from 10 years ago. i haven't done the latter yet, but i hear he's in VJ now, and doing quite well. on that note, i think it would actually be quite interesting (and scary) to organize a primary 6B 2000 outing one of these days, with 100% attendance. who knows what embarassing things might surface if that were to happen?

ever since the prelims ended, that little remaining bit of my drive/motivation to study has mysteriously disappeared. has anyone seen it? i've tried looking in the lost and found section, but to no avail. i think this happened because i treated the prelims like a more slackened-down version of the actual exams. so, when everything ended, i sort of automatically switched into "holiday mode". i really need to get back on track, especially for econs. though honestly speaking, i would be quite ok with these results at the end of the day. maybe econs could be bumped up to a C, but otherwise, i wouldn't complain that much. must kick into high gear soon. just give me this week to settle all my outstanding stuff, and i'll buckle down by next monday. it sounds easy, but talking always does. it's the doing that takes determination.

today, i was kaypoh-ing around the judo open-house rehearsal. it's not bad, but i sense a sort of...disunity amongst the J1s. maybe i'm being sensitive, but it seems that way to me. everyone's doing their own thing while the practice is going on. it's probably just me, but oh well. i think i'll just mention this little concern off-hand to the current president and see what she thinks.

graduation's in 2 days' time. to be honest, it didn't really feel like 2 years. more like a year and a bit, or even less. i'll feel both happy and sad to leave CJC. happy because there are no more long days, boring teachers or strict disciplinarians, and sad because 2T20 will be split up. it's not easy for 26 individuals to come together as a class, work together to survive games days, the promos, the prelims, and other assorted school functions, while organizing various outings and chalets at the same time. but looking back now, i'd say we did a pretty good job. i guess i'll stop talking about my class here, just in case i run out of things to say in my end-of-year concluding post.

tomorrow brings us a day closer to graduation, open house, and a certain special event. the rest of my week is actually pretty packed. (finally) sending the laptop for repair, cat high OBA dinner, open house. well, this is the last time i can enjoy myself before 22 november, so i'd better make the most out of it.

-random thought of the day: My elbow hurts.-

I thought i'd be able to go a whole week without blogging, but evidently, i was wrong. today, after receiving my results for GP and econs, i was left in quite a bad mood. so, i'm just borrowing the nice library's facilities to express my annoyance/anger.

you see, my GP compre got 27.5, which i am more or less ok with. essay was a nice surprise though. 30/50 and an additional mark due to moderation. so that's 58.5 in total. not too bad, though it could be better, with more attention paid to spelling and time management.

econs, however, was a total scare. 19/30 for case study, 15/20 for DRQ. so far so good, right? then comes essay. 32/75. wow. that just un-made my day, right there and then. adding the marks up by the different weightages, that's a 54.45%. not too wonderful, if you ask me. even though i was prepared for this the moment i stepped out of the exam hall, i never thought it'd feel quite this sucky. compared to my other results, this looks so...bad.

but overall, i'd have to say that i didn't really let myself down this time. an AABD C5(?) is not that terrible of a grade, though it's not the best in the world. right now, top priority goes to reviving my econs. if i could pull my history up from a D7 to an A2 during o-level period, i don't see why it's not possible to do likewise this time with econs. it all boils down to determination i guess.

being without my laptop is really quite inconvenient. i really really need to get it repaired soon. i just need to transfer another 1.89 more gigs of data out of it before i can send it in. i think i should bring the drive and my memory card to school tomorrow to get the transfer done. only problem is that i'm worried that it'll take 10 years to complete.

anyway, i'm feeling better (sort of) after writing this post. there's still a residual bit of dissent(?) left, but that'll dissipate over time. remember: this is only the prelims. no use getting so worked up over it, right? so it's time to calm down, look forward, and see what can be done to rectify the problem.

-random thought of the day: I'm rather stunned now...-

Well, it's been 11 days since the last update. this time, it's not entirely my fault. it happened that my laptop hard disk crashed on the thursday before my prelims ended. i think it was trying too hard to give me a post-prelim surprise. but anyways, i'm back and able to blog only because of the facilities in my cousin's house. as such, this will probably be my last post for...a week or two?

so...my laptop died (but you already know that). even after the previous traumatic experience with my external hard drive about 2 to 3 years ago, i still underestimate the importance of backing data up. luckily, the hard disk isn't that badly crashed yet, and it's still readable this time, but only as an external hard drive. that's why i'm transferring all my songs, data, pictures etc. to their temporary home in an IBM. hopefully the transfer goes well. it has so far, and it's still looking good. i don't really foresee any major problems, and that's a relief. as of now, most of the important stuff has been taken care of, with just some big files to go.

hmmm...prelims are over and done with. surprisingly, i performed pretty well, despite feeling horrible after taking each paper. as of now, i know that i have a chem A, 60+% for chem S, a maths B, and a potential physics A as well. i daren't predict my econs result, seeing as i've received some mixed signals in tutorials and lectures when going through answers. what i do know is that i have a 17/30 for MCQ, which is not good. nevertheless, i'm hoping for at least a C.

and as usual, to celebrate the end of a major exam, the class went for an outing, to dhoby ghaut/PS this time. it was quite a nice change from marina square, but the activities we did were similar. they went to catch a movie (which i missed due to chem S, and because i hate horror movies), then we ate, clebrated a birthday, and went to play daytona. at the arcade, we saw these 2 crazy grls playing the basketball shooting game. i swear, they were so accurate and had such good timing that it's a waste they're not taking foul shots in the NBA. with that kind of players, singapore could dominate the basketball scene.

ok. prelims, class outing, laptop...what else is worth mentioning? City of Heroes, and saturday visits to turf city.

City of Heroes (or CoH) is actually quite fun. being new, i'm still stumbling around, making mistakes here and there. it's been a pretty interesting experience so far, and the people there seem to be quite friendly. i think i'll be taking up a subscription next year. for now, i'm borrowing an account to play. i just wonder if it would be possible to transfer characters between accounts. it'd be quite...wasted if there was no such functionality. funny as it sounds, you develop a sort of bond with your character in a game. it sort of represents you. i don't know if it's just for the first character, or all subsequent ones, as i've only created one guy. but i think i'll find out in due time.

with regard to the saturday meetings, i'm STILL the youngest there. arrgh. then again, it's fun to go there. you never know who you'll meet. so far, i've met 2 teachers who i know, a friend's parent, my juniors' fathers, and an assortment of old boys who attended the school and graduated before i was even born. i think there's a sort of generation gap between us. we have very little in common to talk about, other than we all graduated from the same school. but we try, though it's not always successful. i like the sense of brotherhood there. it feels...unique.

i do believe that's all i have to say right now. or at least i can't think of anything else at this particular moment. with that, i'll be on my way.

-random thought of the day: 16 more days...-

Since blogger will be down at 4pm (their local time), and i have no idea of how to convert between timezones, i'll make this post as short as possible.

basically, the past 2 days have been quite traumatic. maths 2 and chem 3 just about killed me. i'm seriously doubting my ability in chem now. maybe it's because i didn't study as hard as i should have (think groups 2 and 7), but the paper was pretty tough to me. how would you answer a question that states "diamonds are a girls best friend. why hasn't carborundrum replaced it in this context?" stupid questions get equally retarded answers. of course, that killer organic question didn't help much either. i can't believe i actually left a few parts blank. i find it even more difficult to believe that i actually thought my paper 3 would pull me up. thankfully the environment section was ok.

for maths, i think stats went pretty well, and 29 (or) was quite a giveaway. that's a blessing, because i'll need all the marks i can squeeze out of the examiners. i think my maths grade is pretty much shot. oh well. not like i was expecting much anyway.

when i looked at my login screen, i realized that the nice folks at blogger offered me a chance to switch to its beta version. i was actually quite tempted, but i saw a little line of text which read "you cannot undo this operation". that made me think twice, because there have been some known glitches in the beta version. in the end, i decided to wait a little while longer. it also got me thinking about life. i think i've mentioned this before, but life would be a lot easier with an "undo" button, wouldn't it? we could skip back to crucial decisions and re-make them, avoid places where disasters happen, and do all sorts of cool stuff. then again, that's technically impossible, so we have to learn the skill of making wise decisions. maybe it's for the best this way.

econs and physics tomorrow. ARRGH. MY EYES, THEY BURN! i REALLY want to skip school tomorrow. but i can't, because i'll be in buckets of trouble if i do. crappiness. might as well go face the music. on the bright side, there's mahjong after that! haven't played for a long, long time. at least there's something to look forward to. makes life more meaningful, agree?

-random thought of the day: Demoralized.-

Prelims are half over! yays. "half over" sounds so much more optimistic than "half more to go", don't you think? next week is a pretty taxing time, with maths 2, chem 3 and 0, physics 3, econs 1 and 2, and NE. all in the space of 4 days.

last friday was pretty much a nightmare. fearing that i would have a repeat performance of the mock exams, i went to school at 11:00am. 10 minutes after i reached school, it began to rain. going to school early made me both punctual and dry. how's that for killing 2 birds with 1 stone? i think it was somewhere along this point where my reserves of luck got depleted. the maths paper was pretty bad. somehow, there was a tiny little mental block that filtered out certain things, like differentiating a constant would give zero. ah well. bad as it was, it was most definitely a learning experience. i found out a way to remember that composite function thing. in order for a composite function to exist, girlfriends must be really friendly and definitely girly, i.e. for gf(x), the range of f must lie within the domain of g. quite a nice and easy quote to remember.

something i learnt has made me quite scared. one of the killer chem paper 2 questions on iron and cyanide was actually taken from the TYS! the fact that i didn't completely know how to do the question showed 2 things. first, i haven't been doing my TYS, and second, i'm not as well-prepared as i think. trust the teachers to be this sneaky. ah well.

life's pretty boring, especially during exam season. luckily, there are things that help to offer a break from the monotony. things like online gaming, which i rarely do. yesterday, i had the opportunity to try out Freelancer and City of Heroes. while i don't really care for the former, City of Heroes is really fun to play. looks like i most definitely will be signing up for a subscription after november.

maths 2 tomorrow. i swear, the guy who thought of late papers is a genius, especially when it applies to maths. and...i'd better go study more now.

-random thought of the day: 4 more days.-

You know, i never thought i'd see the day when i would say that econs was more manageable than chem. and yet, after yesterday's experience, that's exactly what i'm thinking. luckily for me, the econs teachers were nice enough to set do-able questions on production and cost, market failure, and trade. while i don't think i'll get full marks, i won't fail either. as for chem, i think i can safely say that that was the most difficult paper i've ever done in my time in CJC, or indeed in my whole career as a chem student. it was something which we were inadequately prepared for. but oh well. i think i'll do relatively ok.

one problem that has plagued me since secondary school is my tendency to overlook certain details in exam questions, thus causing me to make careless mistakes. sadly, it still resurfaces every time there is an exam. i've made many careless mistakes in the papers so far, and most of them are due to missing key words when reading questions. it's actually cost me quite a few marks in physics and chem. it's quite a waste actually. but other than that, i'm quite contented with my performance, as i've managed to finish every paper on time so far.

maths tomorrow. it just keeps getting better, doesn't it? i really need to start practice soon. time to go off and do just that.

-random thought of the day: Nearly half the battle is over...-

MSN is not letting me sign in, and it's getting on my nerves.

today was a pretty un-wasted day. went to the new library to do some physics. the library's pretty impressive, with 4 floors and a few interesting science exhibits. they mostly concentrated on physics though, with things like magnets, and electromagnetism. i guess chem and bio experiments/phenomena would be too messy outside of a lab. funny thing though. big as it is, it has relatively few chairs and tables for the great number of students who go there.

anyway, i digress. back to the topic of physics revision. well, for 2.25 hours' work, i guess i am pretty satisfied. still a little unsure of some things, but i'm going to school early tomorrow to iron them out. you know, as i type this, i'm thinking that i know just about everything that i need to know. but that's only because i don't have my book next to me, with all the nice stars, underlines and "confirm later!" notes. as you can see, occasional overconfidence is one of my flaws. still, i can confidently (and accurately) say that my quantum, nuclear, electricity and physical quantities are pretty ok. the rest, however, are a different story. somehow, i get the feeling that there's this really big, important topic which i forgot to place emphasis on. oh well. i'll try to spot it later when i do another round of revision before sleeping.

so much for physics. after that, the next item on my priority list is econs. oh man. i'm in shit deep enough to provide a year's supply of fertilizer to all the farms in china. worse still, it's the essay paper first. tomorrow will not be a good day at all. but i suppose i should be grateful, because this timetable is modelled after the actual A-level one. it should give me a good idea of how much writing i have to do on the day itself. sad thing is, it's followed up by chem. luckily there's a 3-hour break in between, or i'd just die.

speaking of "die", there's a wake going on downstairs. it's for an old lady who lives, or rather, lived, in my block. come to think of it, i don't think i've ever seen her before. in fact, i don't think i've seen the majority of my neighbours before. assuming 5 people live in each unit, there are approximately (5 X about 10 units per floor X 13 floors) 650 people in total. out of these 650 people, i know about 10 of them or less. wow. the situation today is a far cry from that of the early 20th century, where everybody knew everyone else. but oh well. in today's society, i believe that would feel rather uncomfortable, especially among teenagers.

in the midst of this giant cloud of prelim pressure, i nearly forgot to mention that it's been 5 years since america was attacked. hard to believe it's been that long. time does go by quicker when you don't think about it. well, though i wasn't one of those directly affected by it, i do hope that the families and loved ones of those who were harmed in some way or another can (or have already) move(d) on and let their lives return to normal, or as least whatever "normal" means to them.

youtubing is kind of fun, especially when you're bored. thanks to youtube, i've discovered quite a few judo videos (which have taken up residence on my friendster profile) which i watch once in a while to remind myself why i took up the sport and that there's more to it than just the hiong training. i can't wait to join a few training sessions after all the exams are over, seeing as our ban from the dojo is still in effect. there are also some comedy videos, most notably those featuring Rowan Atkinson and Russel Peters. really great for a laugh if you're having a bad day.

ok. i think i've said enough for one post. wow, it's already 11+. must sleep earlier tonight. it's going to be a rough 2 weeks ahead, and god knows i need all the energy and luck i can possibly get to see myself through this.

-random thought of the day: MSN is STILL not working.-

Reflecting upon what i've been doing the past few days makes me feel quite guilty. that's because i've only done the barest minimum of work and revision. i still don't feel confident of meeting my AAAB target, and i know i most likely won't, because my econs is totally shot. maybe i need to rethink my goals.

guilt aside, it has also been quite fulfilling. i finally made my annual visit to east coast. surprisingly, it wasn't that crowded for a holiday. so, what i did there was basically take a walk along the beach, sit down at some point, and think. compared to my previous 2 trips, this one was less helpful. somehow, the thoughts didn't flow that well. nevertheless, i've managed to identify some distractions (blogging being one in a long, long list). now, i just need enough willpower to work on pushing them aside. think along the magnitude of "power needed to move Everest". calling it difficult would be like saying the titanic was a sailboat. though it didn't help much, at least it helped a little. i'm feeling more at ease with myself now.

there was a wedding! the second son of my second uncle (aka. my cousin) got married today. except for the tea ceremony, the entire thing was christian themed, so a religion-less person like me felt kind of awkward there. still, it wasn't that bad. in fact, it was pretty good, as far as weddings go. what really made me laugh is when the pastor said, "this is a christian wedding, as both the bride and groom are christians." it could be because i knew this beforehand, but it sounded a little too obvious to me. so, another one of my cousins is happily married. that's 5 out of 12 of them already. gives you an idea of how young i am relative to them, doesn't it?

prelims are next week. oh boy. must study tomorrow. physics and econs are going to be my best friends for a while.

-random thought of the day: The Bishan library's open!-

Steve Irwin passed away today. that's what i heard on the radio in 7-11. i didn't trust my hearing at first, but checking yahoo news and wikipedia confirmed it for me. kind of ironic that he died by stingray and not by crocodile. but then again if a crocodile had killed him, people might begin to doubt his skill in handling them. anyway, the reason i'm mentioning this is because of all the turtles on my MSN list. about 12 of my 44 online contacts have suddenly added it to the start or end of their display names. apparently, they're doing this as a form of tribute to the late crocodile hunter, mainly because a species of turtle which he discovered was named after him. of course, there's that little technicality of not having a crocodile emoticon as well.

i don't feel particularly affected by his death. i guess it's because i've never really met him, and he wasn't that great an influence on my life. of course, i did occasionally tune in to animal planet when i was bored, and i caught a few of his shows. personally, i didn't find it really spectacular, but i guess i admired his bravery for facing adult crocodiles down without a shotgun (or at least tranquilizers). still, i can't say i was his best friend or even his greatest fan, so i guess his passing leaves me feeling just a little sad. i just worry for his 2 kids. they're like, what? 3 and 8 years old? even at 11, 13 and 14, i found the deaths of 3 of my grandparents difficult to accept. by taking my feelings at those points in time and multiplying them by a a large factor, i can only begin to imagine how they must feel. i just hope they take it well (or as well as one can take such bad news, at least).

so far, that's been the only major bit of news in the past few days. everywhere i look, it's the same old stuff. pre-prelim worry, not getting enough work done, etc. etc. it's really quite stressful. i've got my prelim timetable and the CJC calendar of events up on another window now, and i don't like what i see. crap. i'm feeling the pressure. i have to be in school for 7 out of the 10 days of the prelim. and we're starting with physics, which i think is a good thing as it might help to build my confidence. i think i'd just die if we started with econs.

and while on the topic of econs, i got my mock exam results back. 17/30 for MCQ, 12/20 for DRQ, and 19/30 for case study. assuming everything is weighted equally, that's a 48/80, or 60%. a B on the dot. not too bad. final scores, AABB and a borderline C6/C5 for GP. you know, i think GP will kill me at the end of the day. i seriously need help for it.

as time stands now, i have 7 days for 4 subjects. i can't say it's a lot, but i can't say it's little either. about 2 days each for physics, maths and econs, and one day for chem actually suits the allocated time. but then, i won't have a buffer region or a day off. hmm...i guess some adjustments need to be made, but we'll play it by ear as we go along.

oh, about that teachers' day thing. i guess i don't feel that guilty any more, seeing as most people blogged about how they didn't go back. so i'm taking comfort in that. it's really sian to have prelims when other schools are celebrating. and i was looking forward to going back to meet up with old teachers and friends. maybe next year. i'm hoping hard that nobody else leaves, because it's pretty awkward seeing all the new faces already.

and lastly, the GP prelim. to say it was a bitch is doing it a favour. usually, i know which section or which paper will kill me, but this time, i'm equally divided. i'll think my essay was good, then think my comprehension was better, then go back to favouring my essay again. so, i really don't know what to say about it, except that it was screwed up.

ooooooooooook. this post was shorter than i'd originally envisioned, even though i took a heck of a long time to write it. sometimes, thoughts don't flow that well i guess. nust get down to studying soon. i'll blog again after i've made my annual journey to east coast.

-random thought of the day: How does Michael Jackson do that anti-gravity lean?-

After much thought, i've realized what i've forgotten. it's actually about 15 to 27 CIP hours gained from doing timekeeping at various Judo competitions over the past year and a half. i figure that it's too late to include them in now, and it's not like i need CIP hours anyway, so oh well. besides, creating unnecessary trouble after finalizing my CIP stuff will not go down well with anyone at all.

weekends are not meant for study at all. i haven't touched a single book or set of notes for the past few days. instead, i've been catching up on TV, sleep, and computer usage. while watching channel newsasia, i chanced upon the programme called Japan Hour, where they showed various married couples taking time off to go enjoy themselves in rural areas. watching that show made me realize how little i saw of Japan the last time i was there. i really want to go back there some time in the future, both to see more sights, as well as to make a pilgrimage to the Kodokan, where Judo was founded. maybe after NS.

another recent source of entertainment is watching Rowan Atkinson's stand-up comedy. youtube has quite a limited selection of 5 clips maximum, but my goodness, they are funny. i thought i'd never see the day when Mr Bean talks this much. good stuff. really.

next week...is pretty short. exam on thursday and no school on friday makes it a 3-day week. then, it's a week's study break, followed by the prelims. kind of sucks, come to think of it. i can't believe it's exam season again. i must achieve at least AAAB or AABB for the prelims. then i can gauge how far off-track i am.

honestly, i can't wait for the break. these past 10 weeks have been quite taxing. it should be a welcome change from the dail routine of school. and i should probably end this post right now. my next Rowan Atkinson clip just finished loading.

-random thought of the day: Must remember to do CCA records thing.-

Humans, like other factors of production, are subject to the law of diminishing marginal returns. i should know; i've experienced it first-hand over the past 2 weeks or so. my first few sessions of night study proved to be beneficial as i got lots of stuff done in the 3 hours. but now, i still get some things done, but at a much slower rate, which is detrimental for my results.

sometimes, i feel like taking off to somewhere quiet for a week or two, to get in touch with nature and other zen-like things. but sadly, i don't have that luxury. not studying for a full 2 weeks is tantamount to academic suicide, which i cannot afford to commit yet. in the end, i guess i have to cast these delusions/excuses aside and focus. we only have 10 weeks or less left. after that, i'll be a free man for 2 years. until then, i'm looking forward to that day.

to steal a few lines off Sheryl's blog:

"when there's a will there's a way.

i believe it's not a matter of how much time there is. but how well you make use of the time you have. 26 days is really short. but it's enough. even with 5 subjects to juggle. how much do you want it?

if you desire something enough, you will put in the effort and eventually, the results will show. it takes sacrifice, but it is nothing compared to the results you will enjoy later on. it is a small price to pay.

i am amazed at the people who choose to keep 4 subjects, yet are doing nothing to work towards good grades. it is not everything, but at this point of time there is nothing more important.

it is the time to get down to serious work. and by the numbers that crowd the library in cjc no less, i believe most people have realised that. but dear 4 subbers, please. strive forward and put in the necessary effort. it's the only way.

ask yourself: just how much do you want it? really?"

there it is, completely unedited. this substantial block of text should serve as a grim reminder to me when i'm next inclined to slack off when i shouldn't. every time i read that, i feel like she's directing those comments specifically at me, because i'm not even the most hardworking person in my row, let alone the class. makes me wonder if i should drop something. but then, at this point, even if i do get rid of one subject (and honestly, if i had to choose, it would be econs), it wouldn't make that much of a difference. so i should stop cheating myself and work towards my 4As, even if it is for the sole purpose of showing them to the VJC principal who denied me admission into the school last year.

speaking of results, i'm generally happy with my performance in the mock exams. so far, i've snagged an A and a B, in chem and maths respectively. as for the other 2 subjects, physics looks optimistic, with 18/20 for MCQ. econs, however, is rather bleak. i'm hoping that my final set of results will be AABB (which will be my best set of results in CJC to date) or AABC. that should motivate me enough to see me through the prelim period.

generally, i like CJC, but sometimes, the administration does the most retarded illogical things. like holding the GP prelim on 31 august, when all other schools in the country are celebrating teachers' day. as a result, i will not be able to go back to cat high to say hi to the teachers on the actual day, or meet any of my friends who will be going back. instead, i'm forced to go back on wednesday, whereas most people i know will be going a day later. sian. oh well. complaining about it won't really help matters, since i'm not in a position of power to change things.

there are other things i want to blog about, but they elude me at this particular moment. somehow, i'm under the impression that these things involve friends, class, juniors, stuff about cat high, and/or my prelims. but i don't have the mental capacity to elaborate on these topics now, so i'll do it sometime later.

-random thought of the day: I want to get a gyroscope!-

What starts with an F, ends with a K, and means "about to get screwed"? the answer, of course, is FYE-sics mock. what else were you thinking?

yes, unfunny as the joke is, it does tell the truth. physics mock is tomorrow, and despite my nights of night study (anyone else sense some redundancy in that statement?), i still don't feel prepared. what's worse, we practically know what's coming out for the exam. so, there's just about no excuse for failure. and yet, i think not everyone will pass. hopefully, i will be amongst the people that do pass.

i don't understand why they can't give us the day off for the mock. one likely reason is because not everyone in the school takes physics, so it would be unfair to the rest if we took the paper at 8:00 am and left after that. and it would be unfair to give everyone else a day off. so, this is the best compromise...sort of. though i wonder why they couldn't have just squeezed it in with the other mock papers. ah well. brooding over it isn't going to help matters.

well, time to wrap this post up, put the computer in cold storage for another week, and go study physics. there's still quite a bit of ground to cover, especially in fluids, kinematics, and dynamics.

-random thought of the day: My life is pretty boring.-

In preparation for the physics mock, i've been staying back for night study every night since wednesday. i must say, it feels pretty good when you sit down and do questions in a conducive environment. not to the extent of being addictive or anything, but it feels good. another thing about night study is the company. doing questions with friends beside you sort of spurs you on, know what i mean? i get way more done when in night study as opposed to when i'm doing stuff alone. but then, i rarely (if ever) do work on my own initiative, so i guess this is quite a big improvement in efficiency. yays for me.

another thing is, teachers' day is around the corner. i have to do some gift-shopping really soon. and my class did something really apt for Mr Loh, which is shown below:

it's kind of cool, since this is one of his mottos. i really like the picture. i wonder what they did for the rest of our teachers. if this is any indication, i'd say they've did (or are doing) a very good job.

i think that just about covers it for the past 3 days. i can practically see my life as i know it fading away, being replaced by (not-so) solitary confinement with my books. not a pretty sight. but hey, if the payoff is 4As, i think it's quite a worthwhile trade.

-random thought of the day: Night studying every day gets boring.-

My supposed "last day of freedom" was spent rather un-freely, by serving my double detention and subsequently staying for night study. originally, my plan was to push all detentions to another day, take the physics test, and go off. but then, several variables changed, and i found myself staying in school until 10:00pm. i guess the lesson here is that if the motivating factor is strong enough, all decisions can be swayed. and i really had a great motivating factor that helped me make my decision to stay for an additional 5 to 6 hours in school. if i had this particular factor every night study session, i think i could get used to the idea of being in school until 10:00+ almost every day.

i must say, staying back to do work has helped to highlight how screwed i am in almost all my subjects. i really need to get into gear and start studying. and i'm not allowed to slack off for chem either, not for this year's stuff at least. i can't even answer some basic questions which should be second nature by now. the shame. it's no better for physics, econs and maths. really need to work extra hard in the coming few weeks/months. so, this is probably going to be my last post in quite a while. next earliest post should be during the weekend. latest...after A-levels, though i doubt i'll be able to hold the blogging urge off for that long.

receiving my maths mock paper really made my day today. normally, i dread getting maths marks back, and today was no exception, until i saw 61 on my paper. can you believe it? i got a B for maths! motivation. yays. but my physics test was bad though, really felt horrible. totally stunned at electricity. and i realize i'm actually quite hazy on some basic physics stuff. better look for help soon.

other than that, that's it for me, until the weekends or so. hopefully my tagboard doesn't get too flooded from that moron spammer.

-random thought of the day: I feel productive!-

Finally, we're exam free. but we can't go around rejoicing too much yet; it's only for a week. there's still physics mock next monday, as well as various assorted tests during class time. you know, i'm really looking forward to announcing the date when i'll be free of all exams. following the trend my life is taking now, i think that'll only be in about 6 to 7 years' time, seeing as army and university still lie ahead. saying that makes me feel young and old at once. hmm...that didn't really make much sense, did it? but that's how i feel, so oh well.

and speaking of class time, the new adjusted timetable starts tomorrow! WE END SCHOOL AT ONE PM EVERY DAY!!! my goodness! i'm so happy. thing is, ever since entering CJC in january last year, i have never left school before 2:00pm on a normal school day (i.e. no exams, events, functions etc). i think that it's quite obvious as to why i'm so excited about this new timetable thing. then again, there might be some downsides, like not spending enough time on study. i mean, a 1:00pm dismissal causes you to lose 4 hours of study time as compared to a 5:00pm one, ceteris paribus. but enough about that. i guess it's sort of a test of mental discipline to spend the free 4 hours constructively (and i don't mean by building castles in the sky. get it? constructively. ok, so it's not that funny. but give me credit for trying, yes?). "mental discipline"...i'm starting to sound like Mrs Loke. in the wrong way. i wouldn't mind sounding like her when she's explaining maths concepts, because that shows i understand all of them like she does, which is good for my A-levels. but sounding like her when she's lecturing the class on focus, discipline and various other virtues? no thanks. makes me feel...wise (which is a nicer way of saying "old").

i think i should hide my charger cable or do something equally (and maybe more) drastic to get myself off the computer. at least for now. it's not good to be online so much, especially with exams drawing ever closer. we're at about 70+ days now and counting down, i think. 70+ days. just think. a few weeks (or had it been months already?) ago, i posted that we were comfortably in 3-digit figures. then, somehow, it dropped to 2 digits. 9 became 8, 8 became 7. 7 will soon become 6, then 5, then 4, and so on until both digits reach 0. scary thought, really. i'm just thinking out loud here, but if i were to take the A-levels now based on my current knowledge, i think i could get ABBD or ABCE, and a merit for S-paper. not too good, if i'm looking for a higher-end university, which i hope i will be able to do. ok. so here's the ultimatum. wednesday is my last day of computer usage. after that, cable goes in my dad's car, and laptop goes back in its bag. until 22nd november. it's going to be tough, but time heals all wounds i guess. besides, it's only temporary. and it's only until november. ONLY. no big deal.

some guy/girl/amorphous alien being has been posting on my tagboard under the name of "test". well, it could be that the tagboard guys are trying to check something, and if they are, i apologize because i've been deleting the messages. and that's what happens when you don't leave a name or URL i can recognize when posting.

i just watched the judo farewell video. apparently the juniors think i study a lot. can we all say "joke of the decade" (note: it's not "century" yet)? ask anyone from my classes, past or present, who know me well enough, and they will tell you i'm as much of a slacker as the next guy, or worse. don't know where they got that idea. oh well. i'd never thought i'd leave the impression of me being a mugger on anyone. but still, if that's how they see me, so be it.

other than that, my econs and chem mocks went pretty ok. i wrote 3 sides for the DRQ (and nearly forgot to hand it in. *gasps*), and 4 sides for case study. couldn't feel my hand after that. i'm starting to worry for my chem and econs MCQs. i'm slipping, and slipping bad. structured will pull me up though. overall...i think A and C, or A and B if i'm lucky. worst case, B, D.

well, that does it for me here. initially, i thought that this post would be very much shorter, like half-size or something. but when the thoughts flow, it just got longer naturally. it's rare that i feel peaceful these days. must be the stress getting to me. i wonder though, based on the amount of work i'm doing, 'what stress?'.

-random thought of the day: I feel like playing City of Heroes/Villains! After A-levels that is.-

Genius. Pure genius.

that's the first word that comes to mind after recalling what happened today. i can't believe i was late for an exam! ok, so it was a mock exam, but still, it was an exam nontheless. somehow, the timing got shifted from 2:45 to 2:00. kind of odd that the entire class (except me) knew about it, no? oh well. in the end, there was no major harm done, seeing as i still managed to do what i knew within my 2.5 hours. as for my results, i'm hoping for a D, or a C if i get really really lucky. actually, anything is good as long as i don't fail.

you know, i've just had one of those little relevations which seem to pop out of nowhere at semi-regular intervals. this one came to me sometime while i was waiting for my bus on the way home. anyways, today's lesson goes something like "we are most comfortable where we fit in the best". it sounds pretty logical, doesn't it? that's because it is logical. but, you have to stop and wonder. what if you're put in a situation where you don't quite fit in? worse still, what if you're forced to be there, with no way out? i guess the best thing to do would be to grin and bear with it. sometimes it's not easy, but still, it has to be done. but it gets hard sometimes, believe me. especially when you get this really negative feeling from a group of people. but it doesn't matter that much now, since i'm no longer obligated to see them thrice a week.

other than that, nothing else much (nothing much else?) has happened. except that i fell sick on national day. but who needs to know that?

-random thought of the day: I need to think of better ways to end my posts.-

Nobody's been blogging about interesting stuff recently. it's either mundane stuff (like me), sad stuff, angry stuff, bo-liao stuff, or no updates at all. yes, i've been blog-hopping a lot. what gave it away? </sarcasm> anyways, i guess everyone's too worried about their upcoming exams to conjure up any really good, insightful posts.

for once, my weekend was spent rather productively. on saturday morning, i went down to turf city with a few seniors (all ex-cat high guys) to check out this weekly old boys' gathering thing. man, these guys put the "old" in "old boy". turns out i'm the youngest there. there are graduates from the 70s, 80s, and 90s, and possibly from before that. it was most definitely an eye-opener, seeing that they're all still so united after so long. makes me wonder if my class will be something like that 10 or 20 years later. personally, i'm quite torn about whether to say yes or no. i guess only time will tell.

today was well-spent too. went out to study physics and GP. oddly enough, i ended up studying more for physics than for GP, even though the GP exam's more important. then again, importance and priority is highly subjective and dependent on many many factors, such as the teachers teaching the subjects. nevertheless, i feel marginally more prepared for both tests tomorrow.

you know, i think it's time i took a big step back and look at the overall picture. something doesn't feel right in one particular aspect of my school life. but oh well. i figure that since i've received a very obvious sign, i'll practise a policy of indifference. to be honest, this little experience is sort of a wake-up call; not all things are as peachy as i'd like them to be. it's also helped me make up my mind about several of my future career choices. of course, i could be looking too deeply into things (one persistent bad habit of mine), but i seriously doubt that this time. oh well. i don't miss out that much anyway.

i know i should probably feel pissed off, or offended, or at least irritated, but i don't. instead, i feel kind of neutral about the whole thing, which may be a blessing in disguise. "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is a really apt saying for such a scenario.

there are only 80+ days to the A-levels!! oh noes!!! i was under the impression that we were still comfortably in the 90s range, but apparently, that's not the case. i guess it's true that when you assume, you make an ass out of yourself (p.s. is it quotes day or something?). i'm really going to have to push harder in all subjects, especially maths.

oh wow. it's 11+ already. better get some sleep. i predict tomorrow will be pretty taxing.

-random thought of the day: I have to chiong econs in chem lecture tomorrow!-

There are some days when you would be better off staying in bed, as opposed to going out and facing the world. today definitely falls into that category. throughout the day, things just felt so...out of phase with my natural frequency, for lack of a better descriptive term. up till now, i still have no idea why i was (and maybe still am) feeling like that. i've tried isolating some factors, and came up with these few things:

- this new odd-smelling orange shower gel thing i had to use in the morning

- almost being late for school (i hate being rushed, especially when i haven't been awake for at least an hour)

- not absorbing anything significant in maths lecture and tutorial

- chionging through chem and econs homework in break

- KB Ong cancelling S-paper today

- not really understanding enerything in econs

i'm reluctant to put the blame on any one particular factor, so i still don't know the root cause of my general moodiness. who knows? it could be because the planets aren't aligned nicely, or due to PMS or something. in the end, i think i'm better off not trying to find out why. instead, i should try and put that behind me and look forward.

you know, i think the realization that i'm screwed beyond measure hasn't really sunk in yet. despite hearing the motivational talk at the start of wednesday's econs lecture, i'm actually still feeling pretty relaxed, which is bad for any normal J2 student at this time of the year. even though i know for a fact that my series of mock exams starts on monday, it all seems so far away. i think it's a classic case of denial. mmm...not good. not good at all.

study stuff aside, i was just looking at the newly-established SJI Judo blog, which records all their training plans, schedules and stuff like that. now, no disrespect or anything, but i would NOT want to be in the guys' shoes (or feet, since Judo's a barefoot sport and all...) during training. but still, from a third-person perspective, i think it'll do wonders for them. in fact, i feel like joining them for a session or two after the A-levels are over, since we're banned from training temporarily now.

after blogging, i feel better. seems like blogging has helped me save thousands in therapy bills. anyway, i just want the A-levels out of my life ASAP. and...i've run out of material to post about. i guess i'll stop here, until the next urge strikes.

-random thought of the day: Repeat TV shows do get kind of boring.-

Every time i've tried to blog for the past few days, things have come up one by one to stand in my path. be it NYAA or sleepiness, the bottom line is that i've missed writing about some important dates and i'm lagging in updates. let's not waste time, and get right to it.

number one. NYAA. finally, at long last, that monster is over and done with. thank goodness. while i'd love to say it was worth the effort, i honestly can't say that until i've actually seen the award in my hands. so, i'll just shut up about it for now. all i'll say is that i'm really relieved that it's over, and that i'm awaiting feedback for my report.

next up, i missed one very important date, which is the 27th of july. this date is significant as it's my blog's 3rd birthday. hard to imagine that i've been blogging for something like 3 years now, isn't it? oh well. i realize that i still haven't made the switch to capitalizing everything properly. but oh well. nobody's complaining right?

third thing. i've been listening to some old (and i mean REALLY old) music. funnily enough, i happen to like one song a lot. the lyrics are as follows:

Billy Joel - We Didn't Start The Fire

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnny Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, Television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Rosenbergs, H Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, The King And I, and The Catcher In The Rye

Eisenhower, Vaccine, England's got a new queen
Maciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc

Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dancron
Dien Bien Phu Falls, Rock Around the Clock

Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland

Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, Bridge On The River Kwai

Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California baseball
Starkwether, Homicide, Children of Thalidomide

Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia
Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go

U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians in the Congo

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Hemingway, Eichman, Stranger in a Strange Land
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion

Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British Politician sex
J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to say

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock

Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz

Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire...

the reason i like it so much is because it's got a real catchy tune. i'm still having trouble committing the lyrics to memory though. maybe if i'd been introduced to this song in sec 4, my history would have been an A1 instead of an A2...or not. the next song is from Kingdom Hearts 2, my newest permanently-attached RPG.

Utada Hikaru - Passion
(wonk uoy naht niotceffa erom deen I)

Omoidaseba haruka haruka
Mirai wa doko mademo kagayaiteta
Kirei na aozora no shita de
Bokura wa sukoshi dake obieteita

Natsukashii iro ni
Mado ga somaru

Mae wo muitereba mata aemasu ka
Mirai wa doko edemo tsudzuiterunda
Ookina kanban no shita de
Jidai no utsuroi wo miteitai na


Hitoshirezu
My heart's a battleground
(snoitome owt deen I)
(wonk uoy naht niotceffa erom deen I)
(snoitome owt deen I)

Nido to aenu hito ni basho ni
Mado wo akeru

Omoidaseba haruka haruka
Mirai wa doko mademo kagayaiteta
Kirei na aozora no shita de
Bokura wa itsu mademo nemutteita

(All my fears and all our lies)

Aozora no shita...

Translation
If I recall, far far away
The future was shining on everywhere
Beneath the beautiful blue sky
We were just a little afraid

The window will be tinted
A nostalgic color

If we advance forth, can we ever meet again?
The future goes on to everywhere
Beneath the large signboard
I want to keep watching the eras changing

Hidden away
My heart's a battleground
(snoitome owt deen I)
(wonk uoy naht niotceffa erom deen I)
(snoitome owt deen I)

I will open a window
To the people and places I can't see again

If I recall, far far away
The future was shining on everywhere
Beneath the beautiful blue sky
We were slumbering forever

(All my fears and all our lies)

Beneath the blue sky...

Funny thing about Utada Hikaru songs is that the translation of the japanese version has a completely different meaning from the english one. maybe it's not unique to her, but she's one of the people with this habit that has left the greatest impression on me. as of now, i haven't decided which version i like better yet, unlike for Hikari (another song) when i knew i liked the japanese version better the first time i heard it.

something's up with blogger. i think they changed the post editor a little, because some of my old posting tricks don't work any more. oh well. time to learn to adapt i guess.

also, my replacement mp3 player is here!! yays. i hope it's silver, or at least black. i'd specified that it was either that or nothing. well, at any rate, i'll find out what colour it is tomorrow when i go and collect it. i'm not at all looking forward to re-uploading my collection of songs (numbering close to 500) on it, because i think it'll take forever and a day to complete.

umm...yes. that's all i have for now. something in my bones (or rather, in my phone) tells me monday is going to be a horrible day.

-random thought of the day: Now to focus on studies.-

If i've said it once, i've said it a million times. NYAA is a total BITCH!!!!!! i swear, i want to kick their asses so hard they won't stop bleeding for a month. anyways, the reason i'm feeling so pissed off is because i'm behind time. REALLY behind time. so far, i've done my residential project, expedition, and sports reports, and i'm halfway through with my skills one now. that just leaves the service section, which has to be done by wednesday night. oh noes. sometimes i ask myself: why the hell am i doing this? then, i figure out that i have no good answer to the question, so i continue doing it anyway.

i realize that i have to thank this blog a lot. that's because it's helped me to remember several important dates, such as my first training, grading, competition, etc. without those dates, i'd be screwed ten times over while writing the NYAA report.

that aside, i've heard that both SJI and CJC judo have new captains. interesting stuff. too bad i missed the training when their names were announced. otherwise i'd get to throw them a few extra times.

life is pretty boring now. somehow, there's no mood/motivation to blog. oh well. i hope it's temporary.

-random thought of the day: My schoolwork is suffering at my NYAA's expense.-