You may recall the rather embarrassing story that i shared while talking about my feelings when it came time to fly back from japan after a holiday some years ago. if you don't, good. saves me some face, and you didn't miss much. the other thing about the end of holidays back in those times was that the evening sky always looked especially beautiful on the very last day that i'd be at my cousin's place. my aunt would usually drive me back at night, so i had almost the whole day to be mopey and emo, to the point of just sitting in my cousin's room and watching the sun set. i also remember my aunt taking the stairs up with me when we got back, and telling me that just like we were ascending floor by floor, time would pass month by month, and i'd be over at her place again soon. it's quite ironic that now that i'm more capable of travelling, i don't spend as much time there. i guess we're past the age where sleepovers and extended interaction as cousins was fun. not that it isn't fun now; i think that we're still capable of hanging out together. and if circumstances necessitated it, we could still live very well together for a decently long time. but that's just a hypothetical.

the purpose of that huge digression was to say that i found myself looking up at the sky a few times this past week (when the stomach cramps weren't front and centre on my mind), and got reminded of those times. there's a kind of melancholy now that this extended "holiday" is coming to a close. while the thought of going back to school usually made it worse, the excitement at starting work kind of eclipses the sadness. 15 more days from today! or 14, depending on how you count it. but yes, the idea is that there's less than half a month to go before things pick up significantly. that also means i've got half a month to shake off this gastric flu thing. good news is that the major symptoms have been taken care of by time, medicine, and water. bad news is that the minor symptoms are persisting. still feeling a little bloated and unsettled. probably too much gas still? should take some charcoal to get rid of it.

despite feeling less than 100%, i still managed to get a lot of things done this past weekend! seems like it's true - we're capable of great things if we put our minds to the task and apply ourselves productively. finally went to see the tailor, and commissioned some shirts and pants. if you know me to any extent, you'll know that the most obvious way i don't fit the gay stereotype is that my fashion sense SUCKS. like, i know some "safe" colours/combinations that i look ok in (black t-shirt and blue jeans being a very safe bet), but i'm not at all adventurous in terms of expanding my colour palette. so, for the set of 3 shirts, i got one very pale blue, almost white. you know how sometimes white things appear just slightly bluish under harsh fluorescent light? that kind of pale blue. the second safe choice was a pale pastel purple, which should be ok. the outrageous (in my mind) option was a pastel peach/orange and white striped shirt. granted, we're talking about super thin/fine stripes and not like tiger stripes, so it should look normal to most people. even then, it's a step out of my comfort zone, for sure. and the slightly bolder/contrasting button choices didn't help with my anxiety either. small consolation is that the prices are reasonable - $98 for 3 shirts. that's their entry-level tier. the next level is $120 or $150, i forgot. perhaps i'll get more/better shirts done as i get fitter and/or get used to the corporate life. must say though, i'm happy that i didn't listen to google reviews, and went down to give the shop a chance. the resident tailor there was professional and competent, if a bit old. the thing that both impressed and worried me was that he would take 2 or 3 measurements at a go before writing them down and proceeding with the next set. there's a chance for error due to imperfect memory, but i will choose to believe that he's experienced enough and has done this routine so many times that mistakes are unlikely. the litmus test will be during fitting at collection, which is a week and a half away.

for this case, the quote of "pay peanuts, get monkeys" is kind of true. i'm not dissatisfied with the service or anything, and making a premature judgement before actually seeing the goods would be unfair. that comment was more directed towards the level of customization that the shop offered. to be fair, it was only one thing that they couldn't do, and that was modifying the collar to fit/accept collar stays. i won't go into that too much to save time/space. and wikipedia has a great article on them. basically, the purpose of using collar stays is to make your collar look smarter and less floppy. i was surprised that they didn't/couldn't offer that option, especially when ready-made shirts from G2000 and zara have it built-in. well...they did say that their collars had stuff inside to make them rigid, so we'll see.

another mission that was accomplished was going to the kombucha place to get a starting culture. the lady there was very nice, and even opened the shop early to accommodate my schedule/timing! i had planned to buy a bottle of kombucha just to taste it to see if i liked it, but she gave me a free sample when i told her that i wanted to try some. amazing. the drink itself was...ok. not delicious, but not disgusting. their method of preparation caused a lot of carbonation, which is something that i probably won't go for. must admit that it was quite impressive. looked almost like beer! so i decided to give it a go, and bought a piece of the starting culture, aka a SCOBY. when i couldn't find any suitable brewing jars around, i went to the huge giant at tampines to try my luck. caught some 6L jars on clearance sale, which was nice. they were dirty and greasy, though. so i came back and washed the one i got with soap/water, then disinfected with vinegar, and finally sterilized with boiling water. the brewing process was fairly easy. i mean, it'd better be easy for me, considering my synthetic chemistry background! briefly, the process is: make strong sweet tea, let it cool down to room temperature or slightly above, add in some of the mother liquid that the SCOBY came in, then add the SCOBY itself and leave to ferment. it's been one day out of a possible 7 to 10 days of total fermentation time, and there's already some change in the liquid. quite excited to give it a taste when it matures. will also think more on carbonation, and decide if i really want to or not. the good thing is that the one-time cost of the SCOBY is spread out over the number of batches that it ferments. and it's self-perpetuating as long as it's fed and cared for. i could probably make some money back by selling off pieces of my SCOBY as it grows. it might even result in a profit! but that will take a while yet, maybe around the end of this year. hopefully by then, my gut health will improve due to the purported probiotic properties of kombucha.

instead of doing a micro-view plan this time, like, what's on the agenda next week, i think i'd better do a macro-view plan for the next few months. there are several important events coming up, and i don't want to forget anything.
15 april - WORK STARTS!!!
18-21 april - taiwan trip (a little bad timing, but no choice)
07 may - road tax deadline (settle insurance and inspection before then!)
20 may - singapore wedding
05-10 june - china wedding

should be all the events for the first half of the year, i think. i expect things to be added in, like if we pass SNOC's criteria to allow us to send athletes for the SEA games, for instance. also should quickly talk about the learning lab's revised transport policy: we can claim mileage and full parking costs! so happy! shame that i initiated the feedback so late, would have been really useful in january and february thanks to all the travelling i had to do between centres. regardless, better late than never. i still expect that i will benefit from the new policy sooner or later.

-random thought of the day: Morning gym tomorrow!-

Nature (or in my case, a bout of gastric flu) has a way of trashing even the best-laid plans. thanks to the bout of sickness, everything that i intended to do since wednesday joined some biological waste in being flushed down the toilet. dealing with stomach cramps isn't fun, especially when they're strong enough to interfere with sleep. thankfully there was no throwing up, so i'll take that silver lining. the other plus is that i've definitely gone under my allotted calories for the past 3 days. all i've had are a pack of digestives, 2L of isotonic drink, and an equal volume of water. it was bad enough that i had to go to the doctor, whose bedside (tableside?) demeanour is really reassuring. he appears gentle and concerned, which makes me quite like him! still not at 100% currently in spite of taking medication; feeling my stomach seize up infrequently even now. hopefully the two doses of medicine between now and my morning class tomorrow will help. and thank goodness i've only got one class! worst case is i just fight to keep it together for those 2 hours, then run off afterwards. sunday's workload is a little heavier - 4 hours, but all chemistry. that should be fun.

assuming my digestive system behaves itself tomorrow, i should really go see the tailor. there are like, 2 weeks and 2 days before work starts! hopefully they can get the order done in that time. i mean, i can always get pre-made clothes at G2000 or something, but i think it would be more convenient to get pants that are already of the correct length, rather than buying them off the shelf and going for additional tailoring which would also incur a separate charge. oh, i also have to go to the kombucha place. turns out that they were closed last week. seems like i never have much luck when showing up to shops unannounced. anyway, we've fixed an appointment time, and i'm looking forward to seeing what all the fuss is about. it might be timely, actually, since this gastric flu virus might have killed off the good gut fauna that helps me to digest things. hope that the addition of some probiotics into my regular diet will aid in the weight loss and healthy lifestyle stuff.

seems like something good did come out of the whole transport claims thing. apparently, the learning lab reviewed their transport claims policy and published an update today, a month or so after i submitted feedback that it was inadequate for drivers. while i haven't read the updated policy yet since it's on the intranet (which is secured from off-premises access), i'm hoping that it allows more generous claims regarding parking fees, and even better if they allow claiming for mileage! but i'm not greedy; being able to claim for the full sum of parking would already be amazing. i'm happy that the company is receptive to feedback, and took some tangible action. of course, my happiness could be replaced by anger/outrage if the new policy makes drivers worse off overall...we'll just have to see. talk about rotten timing, though. the policy changes kick in on 01 april, and with me giving saturday teaching up, there will be less opportunities to claim transport fees. of course, this might be good if the process becomes unnecessarily complicated or anything like that. definitely have to read the updated policy before forming a final opinion.

my big brother figure mentioned that i should use my remaining free time before work to start dating. i laughed when he mentioned it, but thinking a little more deeply on the issue, i do realize that i haven't really been worrying too much about relationship issues since the beginning of the year. as in, i'm not trying to get to know more people for dating purposes. perhaps it just kind of fell down the priority list as money, getting fit, and job-hunting came up. well...i don't really see it as much of an issue now. there are two conflicting philosophies in my mind - "if it's meant to be, it will be" and "some things are worth fighting for". one is a call to action while the other is a more "wait and see" kind of approach. for me, the most appropriate course of action for most scenarios is usually kind of a mix of the two. wait to see how things develop, then take action if it seems that the odds are good. the thought process for relationships might be a little different, though. somehow it seems that being proactive usually beats being passive and waiting for someone to approach you. especially if, like me, you're not much to look at. the problem with being proactive, however, is that it's so draining! you have to be the one to initiate conversation, bear the risk of getting shot down, and if you do get shot down, recover before repeating the whole process all over again. with the potential stress from work (the HR lady told me that she'd give it 6 months before i quit the learning lab altogether), i don't need an additional source of pressure. i will say though, that i've been doing some minor detective work on my future colleagues. there are a few familiar faces, including one i don't want to see due to bad memories from NUS. apart from that, there's a guy whom i find super attractive. he's in a different team from the one that i'm going to be in, so that's a huge plus as far as freedom to date is concerned. the minus is that because he's on a different team, my interaction with him will be limited/minimal. and he's higher-ranking in absolute terms of company hierarchy, so that could be a tricky situation to navigate. not to mention the very real possibility that he could be married. oh well. i never really agreed with dating within the workplace, anyway. i figure that i should just focus mainly on work, and fit the odd social activity into my schedule wherever i can. maybe i might meet someone that way. who knows?

it's getting late. my stomach has been mostly ok so far, and i even managed to eat something more substantial. there's still the odd stab of pain, though the intensity and frequency have been significantly reduced from when it was at its worst. hopefully i'll get more restful sleep tonight, and tomorrow will pass with no major incident. better yet, with no incident at all.

-random thought of the day: Recover soon!-

Settled a few things today, most notably the signing of my offer letter with the IP firm. as expected, the firm presents its best side to guests and prospective hires. i was told that the place where i'd done my test and had my interviews was not the main working area, and that i'd be working in another office in the same building but on a lower floor. kind of expected, actually. for a supposedly big firm, there was a conspicuous lack of people on that floor whenever i was there. i'm quickly finding my favourite seat in that particular meeting room. it was the same seat in which i sat when i took the test, so maybe it's lucky for me? the offer letter was pretty standard, i guess. the usual clauses about duties, benefits, not doing anything illegal. somehow, it felt more exciting to sign this letter as compared to the learning lab one. i guess it's because i never viewed tuition as a career, whereas there's that chance for this job. also managed to ask about season parking. the HR lady wasn't that familiar with the application process, but she quoted about $400-$500 per quarter. that sounds about right, given the area in which the building is located. anything below $500 would be amazing, between $500 to $550 is expected, and hopefully it won't hit $570. will have to get more clarity on that closer to my start date.

i also called the learning lab to ask them about reducing my teaching hours. before i tell you how that went, i want to talk about how my mentor reacted when i gave her a heads-up yesterday. apart from being a good teacher, i must say that she's a really good manager. i'm constantly in awe at how she conducts our interactions, and really admire how she frames things to make them as positive as possible. take this past meeting as an example. i told her that i would probably need to give saturday up. she started by saying that it probably wouldn't be a problem, since most weekend tutors only taught for one day while i was the exception who taught on both weekends. she then moved on to say that there would naturally be a corresponding reduction in pay, so i would go from getting double the pay to just 1X. i was simultaneously impressed and amazed when i heard that! most people would say something more like "so, you know that your pay will be halved..." but instead of emphasizing that i was earning less, she set it up so that i was actually making more than most previously, and would now be on the same level as others. it's essentially the same message, but the delivery is worlds apart. i wonder if this skill is learnable, or is it just her natural talent? the thing that mildly frustrates me is that she's only a year older than me, but she's so much more polished. ok, granted that she didn't have NS and didn't do grad studies - that means that she's got about 8 years of work experience under her belt already. i'll have to consciously think about wording things better until it becomes second-nature.

the call with the learning lab HR lady went well. i proposed two options to her - change my saturdays to ad-hoc, or half-day (afternoon). she said that the first would be possible, but had to check with her team for the second one. we're due for a follow up either tomorrow or next week, which is fine with me since i'm not rushing to come to a decision yet. at this point in time, i'm actually more inclined to the ad-hoc conversion option. while it will mean less money overall, i think that the free day in my schedule is more than worth that financial loss. we also settled on an end date for my full-day saturdays - 13 april. considering that i'm due to start with the IP firm on 15 april, i think that it works out nicely. what works out a little less nicely is that i remembered the dates for the upcoming taiwan trip wrongly. it's for kurash, and was scheduled over the good friday break. i didn't realize that we were flying on the early morning of the day before, so that's one extra day of leave that i have to ask for. i doubt that it'll be an issue, but i'll have to inform the IP firm for clearance. apart from that, i'm also taking another 4 days (which may possibly be shortened to 3.5 days) of leave in june, to go to china for a wedding. this means that if they so choose, the firm can extend my probation by another week. that's no issue to me. it also means that both parties will make a decision around 15-20 october, assuming that my probation doesn't get extended for a further 3 months. hopefully this year's birthday present will be confirmation of a permanent position.

feeling a little relieved now that those crucial things are out of the way. the rest of the to-do list is a little more flexible, except for things that are on a fixed time, like japanese class. am a little hesitant to register for the july JLPT, since taking the mock test has shown how abysmal my japanese is. we'll see if tomorrow's results are better than expected; maybe that will give me some confidence. the more likely scenario is taking the test in december at the earliest, maybe even next july...if i even take it at all. it does seem like a waste to come this far and not have anything to show for it. but i suppose the bigger question is how everything lines up with my plans. if i don't have plans to go to japan for work, the JLPT qualification goes from being essential to being a personal achievement and/or something to decorate my resume with. of course, the other perspective is that having it does open doors, and having more doors open is never a bad thing. still, it's no longer as urgent as before, so i can afford to spend more time thinking about it.

-random thought of the day: Plan the tailor trip!-

Gave the workload issue a little more thought. i realize that the smartest thing to do might not be to give up one full day at the learning lab, but to only give up half a day instead. you see, apart from the time issue, there's also a financial angle which didn't cross my mind until earlier today. right now, i'm crediting my salary to my bank account, which gives me bonus interest for doing so. so, if i credit two salaries to two different bank accounts of this nature, i get bonus interest from both sides. the problem is, the salary credited has to be over $2000 after CPF deductions. wait...that means that i wouldn't qualify if i gave up any time at all. rats. forgot about the CPF thing. so perhaps the original plan is still better - credit both salaries to bank account A to ensure the minimum amount to be credited is hit, then do the 3 GIRO transactions for bank account B as an alternate way to get the bonus interest. as it is, i think i'm short of one monthly GIRO transaction. have to find something to occupy that slot. still, if giving up half a day is possible, that means that i'd still earn more money as compared to if i gave a full day up.

before i make a decision here, though, i should confirm a few details with the IP firm. the biggest question weighing on my mind is if they'll ask me to go back to work on weekends, and if so, how often. i honestly don't mind going back on my own volition, because i'll be able to plan my schedule and ensure that nothing clashes. but if it's company-mandated, then there's a chance that it might clash with tuition. the other thing is to ask about season parking. based on how the salary negotiations went, i highly doubt that they'd cover my parking. speaking of which, i was exploring parking options nearby. the cheapest seems to be at the concourse, though the problem is that they may not let non-tenants buy the season parking. another alternative is to get season parking at a HDB carpark on the outskirts of the area, then commute in by bus or on foot. of course, the ideal case is if my building lets me buy season parking directly, and i'm hoping it's not too expensive. under $180 would be good. if i do the HDB thing, the total parking fee would be $120 a month, and that's not counting the bus fare needed to travel to and from the actual office building. day parking isn't any better; $12 or $20 per day (i don't know which category this carpark falls under) means a cost of between $240 to $400 a month. obviously, taking public transport to work would be the cheapest option, but it's also the most time-consuming. how about grab? if i can beat the morning and evening surge prices, it would come up to about $20-30 a day. nope, not worth it. i've got a few more alternatives, but let's not think too far ahead given the minuscule amount of information that i have at the moment.

work today was mostly good. just one class, and the topic was pressure. that's one of the topics which i feel more confident to teach, so that was another plus. an even bigger plus was that the student that constantly gets on my nerves didn't come for class today. i know, that's not the right mindset for a teacher. we're supposed to not have any positive or negative biases towards students. honestly though, that's impossible. some students are amazing, while other students are markedly less so. what we're supposed to do is not let those biases show through while in class. to be fair, the same can be said of teachers - there are good ones and bad ones, and different students will favour certain teachers over others. i don't claim to be everyone's favourite, and the way i see it, my job is to deliver the content, not to be loved by one and all. if you want to learn, i will help you to the best of my ability. even if you get temporarily distracted, i will try to pull your focus back. but if you blatantly play games on your phone when it's time for class work, copy the wrong solutions because you're not following my explanations, and otherwise show no effort in my class, i have no qualms about letting you die. after all, i'm not responsible for students' learning if they don't want to learn. and if parents get involved, i'll just tell them that their kid was ignoring the lesson.

had planned on getting groceries today, but the fatigue from work and threat of rain were two significant deterrents. should go tomorrow, after work. the house is really low on what i consider to be healthy food - ie. fresh produce and raw ingredients. there's far too much processed/fried stuff in the freezer. no doubt it's convenient, which is why i suppose it was bought, but it's so unhealthy! part of me just wants to throw all that out to eliminate sources of temptation. well...we'll see. perhaps i should look within and cultivate my self-control first. i was supposed to take pictures of my meals for the coaches to see what could be adjusted, but honestly, my meals were sporadic and not very healthy these past few days. maybe i'll begin doing that on monday.

feeling kind of restless, not sure why. might it be due to the anticipation of signing the offer letter? doubt that i felt it this much when i signed with the learning lab. perhaps because this job means more to me? or maybe it's because now that i've got something to look forward to, i feel that time is passing relatively slower. let's see how things fit together in the schedule for next week. incidentally, i think i may have to give the batam getaway a miss. the "free" tickets (which are actually not free because of taxes) expire at the end of this month, and i'm scheduled to teach next weekend. unless i go on next sunday night? will keep that as a potential alternative.

monday
- sign offer letter
- visit the tailor
- fill in insurance claim
- go to the gym
- check on appeal status for parking ticket

tuesday
- visit my niece and maybe the twins
- go to the gym

wednesday
- go for japanese class (test results!)
- maybe meet scary JC friend after

thursday (assuming pay came in)
- morning gym session
- watch battery replacement
- shopping for casual clothes

friday
- pay original ticket if appeal doesn't go through
- settle other traffic ticket
- do thursday's things if pay is late
- more gym

must remind myself about one very important thing...signing the offer letter doesn't guarantee me permanent employment. it just means that the company has decided to try me out to see if i'm suitable for the role. for all i know, they may decide not to take me on after 6 months. so, despite the fairly attractive paycheck, i should watch my spending even more carefully before a permanent position is offered. this means no looking at new cars or anything crazy like that. a few small not-strictly-necessary purchases should be fine, but yes. nothing big.

-random thought of the day: Doubt I'll be able to sleep tonight.-

Looking over the last few posts makes me think that my storytelling lacks coherence. i saw that i had neglected to mention that the IP firm had even given me an offer. instead, i went straight on to talk about which offer i'd accept - IP firm, or turf club. maybe let's do a timeline to things are clearer:

monday 11 march - met with recruiter to prep for turf club interview, received invitation for IP firm test
tuesday 12 march - had turf club interview
friday 15 march - went for test at IP firm, results came back the same day, interview scheduled
monday 18 march - had IP firm interview (two rounds in one day)
tuesday 19 march - offers from both IP firm and turf club came in
thursday 21 march - declined turf club's offer
friday 22 march (today) - accepted IP firm's offer

somehow, everything seemed to happen together. i had wanted to hold off on making the decision for a little while longer, in case one of the other jobs that i had my eye on responded in this interim period as well. but the HR manager lady asked for a response by today, latest. she's definitely good at her job, i'll give her that. i think it's in the company's best interest to finalize the hire ASAP, to avoid having to drag it for too long. i should also mention that i tried to negotiate for a higher starting salary, since they offered me a little lower than my initial asking rate. that didn't work. at least i tried, so i can take some pride in that, and avoid the anguish of wondering if they'd have given it to me in the case that i didn't ask. anyway, it's a couple hundred dollars a month, which although not insignificant, is not a deal-breaker if i don't get my way. besides, salaries are reviewed annually, and i think that what they offered is good, considering i'm kind of a fresh grad. to put it in perspective, the IP firm doesn't practise 13th month bonus, and my basic annual income is still a little higher than the offer from the turf club, which does do the 13th month thing. i'm hoping that i'll be good enough (and find the job interesting enough) to make a career out of this. i mean, it's not rocket science or brain surgery...just reading and writing, but at a higher level.

i've also given some thought to my future with the learning lab. unless the IP firm explicitly forbids me from doing other work, i think that i will continue to teach on weekends. the current plan is to try out working for 7 days a week over about a month, then adjust my schedule if necessary. odds are that i will want to give up one day for me time and to decompress, and odds are that day will be saturday. given the minor dispute i'm having with the finance staff over parking claims, it makes more sense to give up the day that costs more in terms of parking. i hope it gets resolved soon enough. don't want to start a war with the corporate side over this.

visiting my big brother figure yesterday was nice. i brought dinner to his place, and we ate while watching a bug's life. that movie, although aimed at kids, has a surprisingly deep message - that bugs (people) in positions of power should fear those that they are oppressing. because they won't stand a chance when the masses rise up. conversely, those being oppressed should find the courage to stand up for their own rights. it was nice to spend some time with him and catch up on each other's lives. i'd forgotten that he has a dog, since it usually stays with his parents. he had to dog-sit that night, which meant that there was a hyperactive puppy charging at my feet every few seconds. mildly annoying, but that might also be because i wasn't very acquainted with him yet. i was talking about getting some new work clothes, and was informed that there was a tailor at kovan that charged reasonable prices. think i'll go down sometime next week to see for myself.

one weird experiment which i've wanted to try recently is fermenting food. specifically, making this drink called kombucha. it starts off as a sweet tea, after which a SCOBY (symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast) converts the sugar and caffeine into healthier molecules. although there's a process that involves multiple fermentations for added flavours and carbonation, i think i'll be good with the basic single-fermentation route. as a trained chemist, i don't foresee any problems with the process. just have to remind myself to be mindful of cleanliness when brewing. of course, the very first step is to have a taste of kombucha. no point getting all the ingredients if i hate the final product. reviews on the internet have described it as tart, and less sour than vinegar. sounds like something that i could get behind, since i'm generally ok with sour food. the plan is to head to a shop along owen road tomorrow after tuition to taste a sample of the product, and if i like it, consider getting a starter culture.

accepting the IP firm's offer means that i'll have to go down to sign the offer letter. since the time is set for 11:00am next monday, i'm considering driving down. just to get a feel for the route, and find out where the exit of the carpark is. after that, i'll probably do the tailor thing. figure it's better to do that ASAP to give them more lead time. should fill in my insurance claim, too. hopefully it hasn't been too long. apart from those things, i guess i should start counting down to the first day of work. while i will miss having tons of free time to some extent, i'm more excited about finally being productive. should probably remind myself about a few wallet-drainers that will strike in the upcoming weeks: car insurance/road tax, insurance premiums, a couple of traffic tickets. thank goodness that pay day is coming, and that this month has 5 weekends.

-random thought of the day: 23 more days till starting work!-

As the deadline for me to make a decision draws closer, i think i'm more or less set on a course of action already. but let's recap some events over the past few days.

yesterday, i had the mock test for japanese. i know that i'm going to fail it, no questions. it makes me think that perhaps i should delay taking the actual JLPT. as it is, the thought of passing it is so absurd, it's almost laughable. i realize that i have a lot of areas in which to improve, but i'm not sure how to go about doing that. the best choice would be to live in japan and work in a japanese company for a number of years, but that option isn't available to me at this point. next best would be to go over and study for a number of years, which won't work out at the moment due to finances. maybe i'll see how my japanese lessons here go, and aim towards taking the test in december. before the test, i went over to my cousin's place as my cousin-in-law had bought me a cake from indonesia. it looks like something we have in singapore too, though we usually don't serve it as a whole cake here. the most unique feature of the cake is that it has striations made as air bubbles rise through the batter (i think). a little more in-depth googling revealed its name to be kuih bingka or bika ambon, depending on the nationality of the person you ask. the most-accepted english translation i found was "honeycomb cake", due to the appearance of the cake from all the air bubbles. it's odd, though. while most yeast-leavened products also have holes due to carbon dioxide bubbles produced from fermentation, this cake is the only one i know to have holes in such nice vertical columns. maybe it's because tapioca starch is used instead of regular flour? whatever the reason, it tasted good.

since i was in the orchard area, i went to visit scary JC friend, who was working the late shift at a perfume store. i tested a few fragrances while waiting for her to close up, and found one that i liked. the bottle has a lion's head on it, so i think that formed part of the appeal too. just went to check the price online, and let's just say i hope she can give me the staff discount if/when i buy it. she told me to stop by one day to get a profiling done, and i'll definitely do that when my bank account allows it. i think it might be a good idea to get a new fragrance for work. but again, reminder not to spend beyond my means.

we then went to kovan to meet up with her boyfriend/my friend and her university friend, whom i've met once before, a few years back. he didn't recognize me, though. we had food and they had drinks before the couple got tired and wanted to go home. that left me together with the friend, and we (i) decided to go get pig's organ soup. he was nice enough to tag along. it's kind of becoming a ritual - finish japanese class, go for pig's organ soup. thankfully, i know my standard order already, so it was quite easy to get food. we talked a bit, and he seems like a nice guy. not sure how our future interaction would go, but i definitely wouldn't mind hanging out with him again.

reached home at 1:30am and subsequently slept at like, 2:30-ish? that led me to feeling tired this morning, and i didn't go to the gym as a result. so i owe one workout now. have to find a way to make it up in the next 3 weeks. went to cover a class at united square this evening, which means more money! i'm also thankful that this weekend's schedule looks rather light - only 3 classes spread across 2 days. i wish that they'd jam all my classes into one day, so i get one free day, but i know that it's usually not possible due to the sheer numbers of classes. not so thankful that my travel claims appear to be running into some problems. i've replied the final approving officer, and i hope that it goes through by the end of the month.

now, for thoughts on jobs. considering that no other company has gotten in touch thus far, i have 2 plans of action now. either (1) accept one of the two offers i have on-hand, or (2) continue to wait for other offers. option 1 is definitely my choice, because waiting forever isn't feasible. besides, out of all my tentative applications, there are maybe one or two out of the 20+ that i'd go for over what i already have. and you know that saying about birds and bushes, right? between the turf club and IP firm, the choice is easy. IP firm wins hands down. i should message the recruiter tomorrow to decline the turf club's offer. even then, there's still a small bit of trepidation for joining the IP firm. doing so basically means that i'm hanging up my metaphorical lab coat and transitioning to an office environment. it will be a big jump, but at the same time, it's not like i can never get back into research if i wanted to. lab skills are not easily forgotten, i think. even now, i think i'd only need a couple days' time to re-familiarize myself with lab procedures. but well, i think that the transition will be an exciting experience. and there's the probation period anyway, so i can get out of it within 6 months if i don't like it.

considering that their proposed start date is 15 april, that means i have just over 3 weeks of freedom left. there are things i want/need to do. better get a list started. in no order of priority, here we go:
- get new work clothes
- get new casual clothes
- watch battery replacement
- short batam getaway(?)
- meet a big brother figure (tomorrow)
- maybe meet jedi master
- insurance claim
- visit my twin nephew and niece
- go for saturday turf city gathering

should be able to squeeze everything in. i'm actually excited at the thought of starting work! it's been a nice break, and i admittedly could have been more productive. but well, here we are. assuming that the company doesn't have second thoughts, me accepting the offer tomorrow means that from passing my defense, it took 15.5 weeks (or close to 4 months) for me to find my first proper job. not that the learning lab thing is improper by any means, but it's something that isn't really what i'd consider a career. of course, that's my opinion formed from my unique perspective and experiences. i have no intention of demeaning those who decided to teach full-time there. some of them are so insanely patient and good at teaching, it must be a calling or something.

do i need to blog about anything else? probably not at the moment. i'm quite sure that there are a few philosophical topics rattling around in my brain, but i'll figure out what they are next time. the feeling of sleepiness probably isn't helping my recollection, either.

-random thought of the day: Should I invest in an air purifier?-

Kind of realized that the last post may have sounded a little disjointed due to me still trying to process all the information and writing the post while rushing for gym. so, i think i'd better recap the main points that i took away from the interview.

first, the journey to becoming a patent attorney is a long, maybe painful one. on-the-job training aside, trainees are required to attend 3 semesters (18 months) of night classes in SUSS (aka. the former SIM) to obtain a graduate certificate in intellectual property. there's the option to extend another semester to finish with a masters, but the company only sponsors candidates up to the graduate certificate level. after that, there's more on-the-job training and preparation for 4 exam papers of different aspects of the patent attorney job. the pass rate is notoriously low, like under 20% for each paper. good news is that the company sponsors a total of 7 attempts for all 4 papers, so you're kind of allowed 3 free failures at most. of course, you can continue to fail, but at your own expense. each attempt costs something like $70? there's also no set order in which to take the papers, nor a duration within which to finish the entire set of papers. one of the interviewers who started out with the firm said she passed 3 out of 4 on the first try, and passed the fourth on the second attempt. that's considered fast, by the way. assuming i do get the job, i think it would be reasonable to target passing everything by the time i turn 35?

on the more corporate side of things, the company's structure for career advancement was also explained to me. given my current qualifications, i'll start out as a trainee, and will be known as a patent scientist upon confirmation of a permanent role after a 6-month probation. after passing all the exams, there should be a promotion to associate, then senior associate, then principal. that's like the highest rank for doing patent-related stuff, after which i believe it'll move into more managerial and less technical work, like partner or managing director. it seems short when written out like this, but the journey to principal can take upwards of a decade. one of the interviewers is a principal, and she joined the company in 2006. assuming i progress at least as fast as her, i'll be at that level around the age of 42. can i wait that long? i don't know how fast promotions come in the company, but they did say that merit was valued over duration of employment. i realize that grad studies did slow me down, because if i'd joined after my bachelor's degree, there's a good chance that i would be close to completing the patent attorney qualifying process by now. well...like i've said before, i hope the gradient of my progress-time graph will be steeper to make up for those 5 years.

learning from my interview at the turf club, i did ask about the benefits package this time. it also served to get the HR lady involved in the conversation, because i imagine it must be boring to just hear others yammer on. the package itself seems pretty basic, actually. medical, surgical, dental. no word of amount of leave, season parking, or any other intangibles like flexible working hours. i do know about casual fridays, so that's something? i guess i'll find out about the other benefits when i join? the HR lady then rather masterfully segued into how the biggest benefit for me would be the learning experience from working with/under so many leading figures in the field. can't say that she's wrong, but that wasn't exactly the info that i was looking for. i've identified some fringe benefits myself. firstly, the building that houses the office is located in the town-ish vicinity, but not in town itself, that means no ERP to tank. it should also allow me to escape before the evening traffic starts to build up. speaking of which, i haven't decided whether to drive or grab down. that will probably depend on the price of season parking, and more obviously, whether or not i get the job. oh, should remind myself of the notice period, too. during probation, it's a week. after confirmation, it's either 3 or 6 months. there was some confusion because of a recent policy change, so i still don't know the accurate figure. also upon completing the graduate certificate, there's a 2-year bond to the company, because of the school fees that they paid. on the bright side, i won't be out of work. on the not-bright side, i'll be trapped there in the event i don't like it. just a matter of perspective.

again, it's imperative for me to remember that i haven't received any form of offer or confirmation for the role. for all intents and purposes, i'm counting chickens prematurely now. i'll know within the next 2 days...about 36 hours, to be precise. better head to sleep, so i can spend tomorrow studying japanese.

Back from the interviews, which i think went pretty well. no, i didn't make a mistake. "interviews" is intended to be in plural. at first, i was interviewed by 3 nice ladies, 2 face-to-face, and one via skype from australia. the 2 local-based interviewers are my seniors from NUS, apparently. we had an enjoyable chat, and they told me that i would have to speak to the MD before any offer was made. because he was due to fly somewhere, they scheduled me for an afternoon session on the same day. lucky i hadn't booked a grab home yet then! the phone call to hang around came in just as i was looking for cars, i think. anyway, i then met with the MD, who's a nice australian guy. somehow i think that the environment is more relaxed in this company. maybe because they're australian in origin?

anyway, this job is about as far removed from the lab as possible without quitting chemistry altogether. it's going to be a more corporate environment, and according to the interviewers, it's basically a desk-bound job. The pay is good though, but it's partially because there's no 13th-month bonus. they did mention that salaries are reviewed on an annual basis, so i guess that makes up for it somewhat? i guess that as someone who's just starting out, i shouldn't be too fixated on the money.

more importantly, is this in line with what i want? due to the nature of the contract, plan japan may not materialize. then again, plan japan can evolve and take on other forms, like being sent there for work instead. i think among all my job applications so far, the only ones i would want more than this are the lab manager and the instrument specialist roles. considering that it's been about 2 weeks since the lab manager application, i doubt that i got through the initial screening. as for the instrument specialist role, the application cutoff is mid-april, which might end up being a little late. anyway, i figure that the patent job is an experience. in a sense, i guess the relatively long probation period (6 months) is good, because i get to see whether the job is suited for me or not. and given that the company will invest quite heavily in me if i'm confirmed, it's probably also fair that they use a relatively longer trial period to judge my suitability for the role. for now, gym time. i'll try not to think too much about this while waiting for the results.

-random thought of the day: Slightly dehydrated.-

Today's interview was something else, to be sure. it was with an IP firm, which deals with patents, trademarks, and the like. i applied for a patent attorney position there. well, to be technically correct, it wasn't an interview. it was a pre-interview test, and it's the first one i've ever taken. it was split into 3 consecutive/concurrent sections - an IQ test, a reading comprehension test, and an essay test. i get the latter 2, because being a patent attorney means having to read and comprehend documents with complicated wording and writing style. it also means having to write descriptions that accurately showcase the invention, yet avoiding anything that could be contested legally. i don't think that i was too fancy or flowery with my language, which i feel is usually better. why use a paragraph to say something when a sentence will suffice? of course, there have been times where i have devoted huge paragraphs and even posts to topics that got me riled up, so i guess it depends on the specific situations.

what i didn't get was the need for an IQ test. personally, i feel that IQ is not really relevant to daily life. perhaps they wanted to test how quickly i could spot patterns or think on my feet? regardless, i did the best i could. i noticed that i was generally better with language questions than with mathematical or spatial questions. some of the questions were so arbitrary, though! like there was one where they gave you several two-digit numbers and you had to find the missing central number. the way to do it is to add all the individual digits of the other numbers to get the final result. i honestly don't see how this will be relevant to any job, but well. another disadvantage of IQ tests is that they're only accurate when someone is taking them for the first time. otherwise, the answer schemes can be found online and referred to, allowing the person to get a perfect score on subsequent attempts. not to mention that of course, i'm sure that a perfect score on an IQ test would raise suspicion if it stands out too much compared to the person's previous academic results or other benchmarks.

the nice HR lady got in touch with me again 2 hours after the test. that was the fastest turnaround time i've experienced so far. apparently, i did well enough to get advanced on to the actual interview. it was quite surprising, because i felt that i performed sub-par for the IQ test. or maybe my english test results pulled my overall up? well, i'm not complaining either way. it's nice to receive this kind of unexpected pleasant news. i'm just hoping that this interview process goes well. at this point, i'm still not 100% sure that i'd go for this job, but having more options never hurt. what i am pretty sure of is that i won't be taking the turf club job, unless they give me a ridiculously good offer that's worth me quitting the learning lab. considering that that would entail offering me about 60% more than my asking figure, i doubt it'll happen. well...that's fine. maybe it's something that i can revisit under different circumstances. as it is, there are office-hour jobs that pay the same, or even more! just have to look in the right places.

at the same time, i should probably enforce a hard deadline on when to stop applying for jobs and/or waiting for results of the applications. it doesn't matter how much companies offer if i don't actually take any of them up. there's probably a parable/fable about indecisiveness being costly that would fit in great here, but i can't recall any such story at the moment. let's just pretend that i've explained it in great detail, and you appreciate how it illustrates that indecisiveness can lead to nothing being gained at all. seriously, taking my overseas trips into account, i think that the latest i want to start work is 22 april. earliest...maybe 01 april? even though starting work on april fool's day sounds like the set-up to a really good prank. i just hope that i have the discipline to stop applying when i feel something right has come along.

-random thought of the day: One week of gym down!-

On job-related news, i went for the turf club interview yesterday, applied for another job, plus i forgot to mention that the learning lab HR called me on monday. the timing was a little bad, as the call came in the middle of my gym session. luckily, i wasn't too out of breath, and managed to have a quick talk with the HR staff. she said that the company wanted to offer me a full-time position, which i thought was a little unexpected and interesting. according to her, one of my mentors said that i was doing a decent enough job, and therefore thought of offering me the position first before doing external recruitment. i suppose that it benefits the company as well in a way, since they wouldn't have to go through the initial screening for a new person, plus the transition period of training and seeing if they're used to the role. that's not to say that i can slip immediately/effortlessly into a full-time role either; there are additional responsibilities, like liaising with parents, for one. right now, i'm happy to be a weekend teacher. my ratio of money received to hours worked is pretty skewed in my favour, and i'm more or less ok if things remain this way for the near future.

unfortunately, my bank account took a couple of major hits recently, in the forms of paying for gym and the air tickets for the china wedding. there's still the taiwan trip coming up, so that's something that i have to account for as well. i still have enough money to survive, and most of the damage should be patched up by the next payday, which cannot come soon enough! we're looking at like 2 more weeks, and thankfully i've taught some extra classes, so that should help to fill the hole more quickly as well.

considering that yesterday's interview was the first one i'd ever undertaken for a job in my area of specialization, it didn't go too badly. while i wouldn't say that i aced it, i also wouldn't say that i bombed it. but through this interview, i think i realized that working odd hours isn't for me. plus, keeping to regular office hours means that i can still continue to do the learning lab thing. the interview itself was fairly standard, i guess. the hiring manager, who i suppose is also the chief scientist there, asked questions which i expected to receive...like why i had 2 components for graduate studies. he also told me more about the job. it's a high-pressure environment with a lot at stake, to the tune of millions of dollars at jeopardy depending on the results that the department delivers. if you haven't guessed yet, i'm kind of disinclined to take this job. of course, it's presumptuous of me to say that when they haven't made an official offer. whatever the case, i'm sure that something with regular office hours won't be that hard to find.

getting back to the gym has been challenging. physically, that is. i've experienced both my day 1 and day 2 workouts, and day 2 seems easier. regardless, i'm still aching all over, so reminder to self to take it slow. there are a few new exercises that i find interesting in this program, as well as the return of my most dreaded exercise - pushing the weighted platform thing across the gym and back. i realize that if i want sustainable results, i can't take too long of a break. one month is probably the maximum i can afford to lay off. also starting the clean eating thing again. more protein and vegetables, minimal carbs. i was just thinking. when i stopped gymming, my diet also went out of the window. it should actually be the opposite - that i should watch my diet even more carefully because i was no longer burning off as many calories in the gym! i guess not having to go to the gym just made me lazy to go out for grocery shopping and the like. an unintended side benefit of gymming is that it tires me out, so much so that i've been sleeping before midnight for the past 2 days. that's rare, to say the least. not only that, i've been waking up at like 7:00am, which really helps to get a headstart on my day. even if i laze in bed like i normally do, a couple hours of lazing still means i'm up and about at 9:00am, which is when i usually wake up under normal circumstances. i guess this is part of finding/making extra time in your day, which was also the topic of one of the reading passages in japanese class last week. the two methods recommended were (1) cutting out unnecessary time, and (2) increasing the number of things you do within a specific time, aka. "activity density".

that's it for now, i guess. have to get started on my japanese homework and prepare to go down for class. had wanted to do grocery shopping today, but the homework might leave me with insufficient time. well, there's always tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Find my passport!-

Supplementary post to record two weird dreams i had in the past week. in dream #1, i was doing things with some music playing in the background that i couldn't turn off no matter what. when i woke up, i realized that i had left youtube playing on my phone, and that was where the music was coming from. this is the largest extent to which elements in the real world have featured in my dreams as they were happening. dream #2 was a little weirder. i dreamt that the ex's first ex was upset with me and wanted to hunt me down or something. maybe to take revenge for the ex? although that doesn't make sense either, since i understand that they haven't been in contact for at least 3 years before the ex and i started dating. maybe they got back together after we broke up? don't know, don't care. not sure if the dream means anything, though i doubt that it does. i've never even met the guy in real life!

well, who knows what other weird dreams i'll have, especially with the interview tomorrow. speaking of which, i should sleep early tonight.

Fell asleep after work mysteriously both yesterday and on saturday, so the posts that i wanted to write never materialized. better late than never, i guess. first thing to talk about is the cancellation of a black metal concert in singapore last week. it was set for thursday, same as the maroon 5 concert. the reason that it was cancelled was because someone started a petition saying that black metal was against social harmony or something like that. i'm not a fan of black metal, and i probably wouldn't have heard of the band of the petition didn't make news. i'm also the furthest thing from an expert on music or religion, so this is my personal (perhaps uninformed) view. first off, i do not think that the concert would lead to social disharmony. the genre is so niche that only those who already listen to the band would attend. at most, they'd drag their friends along, but that's about it. i don't see how maybe a couple of thousand black metal fans would cause singapore to sink into chaos. our police and armed forces would be really useless if they couldn't handle 2000 people. perhaps it's because of probability and statistics, but i've also never been harassed by any black metal fans, despite having a few of them as friends (and whom i didn't know were fans). on a personal level, i'd say that the maroon 5 concert was worse for social harmony, because it caused a huge jam in roads leading to the sports hub. that's prime conditions for accidents, or worse, if someone gets so frustrated he gets out of the car and starts a fight.

the more important concern is of freedom of speech and expression. black metal explores darker themes, like depression, suicide, anger, and hate. while it's not something that i want to be reminded of all that much, there are people in the world who are going through bad stuff in their lives and can identify with the genre. some use the music as an escape, or vicariously vent their frustrations through music. to take this away from them might cause greater problems down the line. and to assume that prolonged listening to such music would cause people to be influenced is a great insult to most people's intelligence. there was a satirical counter-petition saying to ban maroon 5 because people would increase their consumption of sweet food and drinks upon hearing the song "sugar". it doesn't make sense! nobody is forcing anyone to go for the concert, so i don't understand why some people think they know better and attempt to be moral police. the less nice way of saying it is, "why are some people so kaypoh!?" i'm reminded of a quote that goes, "i disapprove of what you say, but i will defend to the death your right to say it". just because you feel that something is objectionable doesn't mean that it absolutely is. we're talking about things that don't make other people worse off, of course.

it's easy to defend an idea with which you agree, but to defend an opposing idea is counterintuitive. that's why i was kind of conflicted when it was revealed that some members of the band are anti-LGBT. i think one of them even said that he would physically assault LGBT people. it's kind of sad that minorities are still bashing each other. there's enough oppression from the majority already. even then, i'd still welcome them to perform in singapore. i wouldn't go to their concerts, but that's because i don't like that kind of music. at the same time, i wouldn't stop people who wanted to go from going. and i'll even overlook that LGBT thing as long as it remains a thought, and doesn't translate into actions. pity that more people don't see things this way.

had my first gym workout in 2 months this morning. it's really unbelievable how fast physical fitness can be lost. i regressed by about 40% in terms of weights lifted, and had to get used to some new exercises. it's currently about 4 hours after the workout, and i feel the aches and pains beginning. it's mainly my forearms at the moment, though i'm sure that other parts will be aching as well when i wake up tomorrow. still, i think it's a good first step. now, to commit to eating better. i was talking with a new coach, who'd joined the gym just as my previous program ended. i think that he can identify with my struggle because he started out heavy and got fit. most other coaches started out scrawny and bulked up, so the challenges they faced are not really relevant to me? their challenge is having to eat more, which is more like a reward for someone in my position. looking at this coach, i'd never have guessed that he was out of shape as recently as 2 years ago. he's got the physique of a model! and it helps that he's tall, like he's got half to a full head over me. i think his transformation is a testament to "mind over matter", and is a source of motivation that i can use for my own journey/process.

after that, i went to meet the recruiter to prep for the interview tomorrow. he looks so much better in person than in his whatsapp photo! i think it's because he was really trying to exaggerate the smile in the photo, which made him look a little scary. he was nice enough, and gave me some advice on interview skills and being personable. one bad thing that happened was that the right sole of my formal shoes split away from the shoe body. it's my fault. i was sick of the patchy glue jobs that i'd been doing over the past 3 months, and decided on saturday to tear almost the whole sole off to glue it back once and for all. guess who ran low on glue in that process? the left shoe is holding up fine, but not so much for the right shoe. the plan is to go to rivervale mall to get more shoe glue. there's a hardware store and an NTUC there; hopefully one of them will have it in stock. worst case i'll just wear my lab shoes and smoke up an excuse tomorrow. even more interestingly, i found out that another former grad student also applied for the same position. we're not exactly friends, and i'd describe us as acquaintances. still, we were always cordial/friendly to each other. the last time i saw him was in 2016, before his professor moved to NTU. in a different universe, i'd have joined that professor's lab, which would have definitely altered my course in life. on the bright side, it's not a competition between him and me for the job. the turf club has multiple openings, so there's a good chance that we could both get hired. i'm not sure if i will accept this job offer, though (assuming that they even give me an offer), because i've got other potential applications and stuff lined up. there's one more position that requires me to go for a law test, which is supposedly an english test. that's on friday. in the meantime, i'll also have to wait for other job ads to close and for the relevant people to process my applications. unless the turf club gives me an amazing offer, which is unlikely, according to the recruiter. still, i guess it's good to build up interview experience.

got another piece of good news in the form of an email and a phone call this morning - the traffic police re-looked at the case after i lodged an appeal. although it took them almost half a year, they decided to charge the other party for causing my accident. i'm hoping that this makes the claims process a little easier. and for some reason, the lawyer has been horribly uncommunicative. after some talk with the mechanic, we will probably find someone else. just have to send an email to make it official. hopefully we can settle this soon. it's been more than a year since the accident already.

let's play my favourite game, "fit the events into the schedule". today went pretty well, so small pat on the back for that. still have to do a fund transfer and fill up the turf club application. i've got the interview tomorrow morning, as well as gym in the evening. in between, i've got to find time to do my japanese homework. wednesday is my day off from gym, so that'll probably be when i go do some shopping - shirts, pants, and possibly the watch battery replacement come to mind, before going for japanese class. got gym and a cover class on thursday, so yay to more money! might take the chance to plan to see my twin nephew and niece on either thursday or friday. friday might be better since my night should be free. i'll have to arrange that again. things are definitely picking up, and i'm excited! rotting for too long isn't good for my mental state. also, the weekend is busy with three classes each on saturday and sunday. THREE! i wish they paid my weekday, per-hour rate. or do i? actually, no. my per-day rate on the weekend still pays more than teaching for 6 hours at the weekday rate. good to know.

-random thought of the day: Get collar stays.-

Returning to the gym was postponed due to TCM. i went to see them for a follow-up on my jaw issue, as well as because my waist had started hurting a little. that somehow translated to my shoulder needing acupuncture, which caused my left hand, which had been working fine, to become weak. the doctor recommended a week's rest, so i pushed the gym start date back by a week. i suppose it's better this way, since i took a peek at the new program and saw lots of lifting and pressing exercises. don't want to have weights crashing down on me while i'm in a vulnerable position, right? not sure if i'll still go for additional therapy sessions for this particular problem. after all, my jaw is feeling better and the range of motion has improved. downside is that i can still feel it shifting a little when it closes. not sure if i really want to mess around with it more.

the week wasn't really that eventful. just had japanese class as usual on wednesday, and met with some of the chemistry guys to discuss wedding/travel plans. you see, one of the chemistry guys is getting married to a chinese national, and the plan is to hold weddings in both singapore and china. while it's a given that we're all going for the singapore wedding, the china wedding is a little more costly in terms of money and time. nevertheless, a few of us will be going for it to act as "brothers" or groomsmen. the current most cost-effective plan seems to be flying in phases - stopping over in bangkok for a couple of days before going on to china. the downside is that that means we won't be in china for very long. we'll be there for maybe 48 hours total, spread over 3 days and 2 nights. fly in in the afternoon of day 1, get acclimated, wedding on day 2, fly out on day 3. and there's a road trip of about 4 hours either way from the airport to the bride's hometown. i'll probably be ok with it, considering my 10-hour experience in uzbekistan. though i'm not looking forward to the plane and road travel, i'm actually quite excited about the events! believe it or not, this will be my first trip to mainland china. i expect that it will be quite an eye-opener.

while i've already taken leave with the learning lab for that weekend, i may have to apply for a separate set of leave with my potential new company. out of oh...21 or 22 applications that i've sent out, one company has replied so far. it's the turf club (the one at kranji, not turf city), and the job is to analyze biological samples for illegal drugs. the lab work requirement seems fairly standard, but there's this clause of having to work some weekends and public holidays. i'm not sure how the schedule will fit together with that of the learning lab, but i expect that's something that we have to iron out during the interview next tuesday. i should probably mention that this position was advertised for by a recruitment firm, so they're acting as the intermediary. the recruiter tried getting me to lower my asking salary, which somehow feels not quite right. maybe it's to make hiring me seem more appealing. anyway, salary isn't everything. i'll have to consider other bonuses and tangible/intangible benefits as well. similar to looking for an honours supervisor, i think the idea here is to take my time and not commit too quickly, and to not be pressured into a decision.

i realize that the job search/application process is really inefficient, largely due to the tremendous time lag, but also because of imperfect knowledge and enforced secrecy. just imagine - a job ad goes up for a typical duration of a month. in that month, maybe 50 candidates apply. after the ad closes, the company or recruitment firm sifts through the applications, shortlists candidates, arranges interviews, and finally decides to offer one candidate the job. that's the company's perspective. but from a candidate's perspective, s/he ("he" from now on for convenience) doesn't know if the company he applies for will hire him. so, he casts a wide net and applies to several companies. let's say company A is the first to offer him something not excellent, but something he can live with. just after he accepts that offer, company B's offer comes in, and it's so much better. that was the case with one of my juniors, whose offer from emirates came in literally the day after he signed with scoot. the hiring process doesn't favour the candidate...but i suppose i can understand why. comparing the organization to an individual, i think the former undertakes a greater risk than the latter in the hiring process. still, i'm not quite sure if that justifies it. maybe it's because i'm the one who's on the search for a job, instead of the one who's deciding who to hire.

even then, that doesn't excuse the next point of enforced secrecy. i don't know why it's been so deeply ingrained in our culture, but talking about salary with people is a strict no-no unless you're super close to them. and sometimes, they may still not want to divulge it. perhaps it's to avoid judgement? like, "i do so much more than you but i get paid less". this might apply to senior management vs ordinary workers on the ground. or perhaps it's a "face" thing, as is often the case in asia. you know, the stereotypical auntie bragging about how many tens of thousands her kids earn every month, how big a car they own, how luxurious their house is. i'm grateful that i don't have relatives like that. although if salary information were made public/common knowledge, the companies might collude together to save costs. like, if company A knows that it pays more than company B for a position with a similar job scope, company A may feel that it's ok to reduce the salary offered to as to save money. it benefits the companies, but doesn't benefit the workers. so maybe it's a good thing? it depends on how you use it to your advantage, i guess. thankfully, i have close friends and family who are open about their income - as i am with them, so we have a rough idea of what the market rate is, which gives us a better idea of what value/price we can command.

jobstreet is really interesting as a job-search platform. i didn't realize how effective it was, and how convenient it makes job applications compared to glassdoor. the downside is that the resume used for all companies is the same, and therefore less personalized/tailored to suit each company's needs. but i'm finding that to not be a huge factor now. there are also tracking options, like you can see how many times a company has viewed your profile or application. conversely, i expect that a company can also see how many times its job ad has been viewed. you can also see your "competition" for the job, like how many people have applied (not by individual name, of course), what level of education they have, their area of expertise, and their asking salary. the worst i saw was for a hospital lab job. more than 400 applicants! half of which were foreign, by the way. on average, there are more than 100 applicants for the jobs that i've applied for. makes me wonder if the job market is that bad, or if so many people are just looking to switch jobs. more interestingly, a company can update you on the status of your application on the website directly. i had one company label me as unsuitable for their advertised role, which i suppose is fair since i was really trying my luck with that one. at the moment, i've got another 15 applications pending on jobstreet, and i think another 4 or 5 outside, including 2 to NUS. hopefully they get back to me in a reasonable timeframe.

last thing on my mind before going to wash up, buy dinner, and head to my cousin's place. in this age of social media, it's becoming increasingly easy to make yourself heard. that's not a bad thing in itself; it allows for alternative views to be known, and perhaps even considered for merit. the one thing i take issue with is that some commenters can't spell! or they'll make idiotic grammatical mistakes. or randomly capitalize a word in the middle of a sentence. i'm not saying that i speak or write perfect english (english language rules are messed up to begin with), but i'd like to think that i'm above average. i can't take an argument seriously when there are blatant errors in spelling or grammar. and it hurts when you're of the same opinion! the most memorable one in the past week was someone spelling "nincompoop" as "nincomboob". it gave me a few minutes' worth of laughter (and facepalming), for sure. but more seriously, is it correct to feel that way? the way an idea is expressed doesn't take away from the value of the idea. but it also does say something about the education and intelligence of the person expressing it, or it gives the impression that the person is trying (and failing) to appear sophisticated/learned. perhaps i should remember that some people may be more proficient in languages other than english, and that doesn't make them stupid. maybe they should be expressing their views in their native language, then? i'm sure that that would make a more positive impression. however, i do think that the quote "better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt" applies to the majority of commenters online. perhaps others might think that i fall into this category too, which is why i usually don't comment on things that have the potential to elicit strong emotional responses or which are excessively controversial.

rats. i'd forgotten about one thing, and that's about the black metal concert that was cancelled for causing public something or another, vs. the maroon 5 concert. i'll talk about that next time.

-random thought of the day: Need to fix my shoes!-

Unpleasant thoughts assailed me as i was parking the car after work today, so the plan is to exorcise them in my usual way, ie. by blogging about them. before all that, there was a nice interaction/conversation yesterday with my colleague (who's also my friend's wife). considering that our teaching portfolios don't overlap at all, she was surprisingly updated about the challenges i faced at work. apparently it's because her husband still visits here now and then for updates. so thank you J for being concerned enough to check in with me! either that, or you're too kaypoh. no, i'm kidding, and i'm grateful that you think of me every so often.

first unpleasant thought: have you heard of the term "hikikomori"? it's a japanese word used to describe recluses, ie. people who isolate themselves from society for some reason. in the extreme case, they can stay locked up in their room and only make short trips out to buy necessities like food. the wikipedia article is pretty informative, and you can check it out here. i'm not sure how accurate this is, but my mental image of such a person is (1) male, (2) between 25 to 40 years old, (3) socially awkward, (4) possibly having experienced a traumatic event, like failure in career, love life, or personal goals. the scary thing is, i fit 3 out of the 4 stereotypical signs! if you really want to be strict about it, you can even say that i fit all 4, since i've had a failed relationship. but that's not the most scary thing. the distinction of "most scary thing about this thought" goes to the fact that i can actually see myself doing that. i was talking to my friend last week when i went over to his place to visit, and i was just mentioning that my dislike for crowds and unnecessary social interaction has increased in recent months. he jokingly(?) replied that it wasn't good, and that i was becoming antisocial. according to the wikipedia article, one of the hypothesized causes of hikikomori is that the recluse may think that it's a pointless effort to secure a job in a highly competitive job market because there are many other applicants who are more suitable for the job. doesn't that sound familiar?

although it seems like i'm at pretty high risk or recluse-hood due to factors within me and around me, be assured that i have no intention of shutting myself off from the world at this point. i think that having a job helps, despite it only forcing me to rejoin civilization and interact with people for 2 days a week. based on my own experience, it's good to get out of the house now and then for a change in environment, and having friends who are available to meet up really helps. sure, texting may be more convenient in this day and age, but you can't replace physical presence. a part of it probably has to do with making extra effort for a meet-up. like, i can be dressed however sloppily i want (if at all) and still carry on a text conversation. but if i were to meet someone for dinner, i'd have to shower and put on fresh clothes at the very least, maybe even shave. sometimes, little things like that help to break the recluse "cycle". even popping out for groceries, or a haircut, or to buy food...all these things are good for the mental state. perhaps too much convenience (redmart, foodpanda, deliveroo) isn't the best for everyone.

the other thing that came to mind was about my health and physical state. i'll be honest here, i feel unfit, and i'm not happy with how i look. but you knew that second part already, right? compared to when i was still actively gymming (as recently as december), i've felt a tangible drop in my stamina. i think this thought was triggered by one of the kids in class yesterday, who asked "teacher, why are you so flustered? i can hear your breathing". the thing is, i wasn't even doing any strenuous activity! all i was doing was talking slightly faster than usual because i had time management on my mind. and no, i wasn't feeling breathless or winded or anything. but if i have to breathe hard enough to be audible to the kids just because of TALKING, something is wrong. or maybe i should have replied, "because you still can't write chemical compounds and balance equations properly, and that stresses me out!". thankfully today's kids were easier to manage.

somewhat linked to that thought is also the idea of sustainability. not in terms of environmental conservation, but weight loss. based on data from these past 2 months, it takes the same amount of time to undo any progress made in the gym, and the rate of weight gain or loss is about 1kg/month. i definitely have to keep the gym routine up, because these 2 months have shown that i have difficulty keeping the weight off. i think there are 2 underlying causes behind that, (1) my relationship with food, and (2) the lack of physical activity. #2 is pretty obvious, so i won't say more. but #1 is something that i haven't really wrote about in great detail. perhaps now's a good time to explore my thoughts.

for easy understanding, i'll use a popular expression. there are "eat to live" people, and there are "live to eat" people. if those are two extreme ends of a scale from 1 to 10 respectively, i'd say that i am at 6.5, ie. slightly towards "live to eat". while i don't need to be fed delicacies for every single meal, i will occasionally get cravings for certain foods which may not be the healthiest choice, oyster omelette and chocolate being prime examples here. even then, the cravings are not unmanageable; i can go without, especially if it's too troublesome to procure the item in question. for my food preferences, i'm thankful that i generally don't gravitate towards fried stuff, and that i learned to eat my vegetables. i'm also not fussy, in the sense that i can eat the same food for days on end (provided it tastes decent/good). i'm more critical with restaurant food, though. after all, we're paying for the quality of the ingredients and the chef's skill. but yes. eating healthy is not really a problem if i have the money for groceries and time/discipline for meal prep.

so what's the problem, then? i call it my relationship with food. i think it might have been a consequence of living with my paternal grandparents in my formative years, who (i believe) lived through the war in singapore. due to the harsh living conditions then, they developed a very strong "don't waste" mentality which extended to several things, including food. quick digression: apart from his daily calligraphy sessions and sending me to and from primary school every day, one other thing i remember my paternal grandfather for is mending old umbrellas for his own use. i think we had at least 3 black umbrellas and many more others of different colours. back to food wastage. i was taught from a young age to finish everything on my plate, down to the last grain of rice. my grandfather would say "jit liap bee, jit tang zhui" (translated from hokkien - "a grain of rice, a bucket of water"), which was supposed to illustrate the tremendous investment of effort and resources it took to grow rice, and because of that, we should be grateful and not waste any of it. that upbringing kind of stuck, and unless i'm really full to the point of exploding, i'll try to finish whatever's been given to me even now. that causes problems when there's too much food, example: when i cook and someone buys dinner despite me not wanting it. worse is, the dinner that was bought will usually be carb-heavy, or contain deep-fried items. i think the solution is to either break this particular mental conditioning, or to remove myself from such situations. worst case would be throwing the bought option away, which is an awful waste of money.

moving forward, i think i'll have to exercise mindfulness to resist temptation and stop mindless eating. this includes the measures above, as well as replacing bad snacks with healthier alternatives (eg. fruits instead of chocolate). won't be easy to break this sustained habit, and it might even fail at times. important thing is to keep trying, i guess, and not beat myself up too much for failure. with that in mind, next week is the first week of my return to the gym. i've also got a TCM session scheduled on the same day, which makes me think that i may need to shift gym to the morning. have to do groceries and catch up on my japanese homework, and i'm tentatively meeting the chemistry guys for dinner later in the week. supposed to arrange to go visit my (not-so, by now) newly-born twin niece and nephew, but not sure when's convenient for their parents. and if i can find time, i've also got clothes shopping to do and the watch battery to replace, though those last 2 aren't all that urgent. still, it would be nice to clear them, just for the satisfaction of having been productive. as usual, we'll see how everything plays out.

-random thought of the day: Stop procrastinating for homework!-