Kancheong-ness won out in the end, and i messaged the nice HR person for an update. she told me that both my medical and security were cleared, and they're making some arrangements before sending me the official day one instructions. that's a huge load off my mind! now i can enjoy my remaining free time instead of worrying whether they'd forgotten about me or whatnot.

in the personal realm, L and i are still discovering more about each other...specifically about our pet peeves. while there have been moments of annoyance and negative emotions on both sides, i actually think it's a good development because it's part of the relationship process. even more so because we're moving towards the common goal of living together. i'm trying to strike a balance of communicating my feelings to him without imposing my opinion on him. a hard lesson that i had to learn many years ago is that i can't/shouldn't force people to behave the way i want them to. i can bring it up, and if they choose not to do anything about it, i then have to decide whether it's something i can live with. another reminder to self: we're making huge progress in the small daily interactions and planning for the future. although disagreements or negativity may cause bad feelings to dominate at the time, the important thing for me to remember is that we're in it for the long haul.

a sign of progress is that i'm set to go in a cruise with L and his dad. there was a bit of a rough spot there, in the sense that his dad was quite noncommittal about it initially and that annoyed L a fair bit. according to L, his dad and i are the same in terms of personality. he's into astrology and says it's because we're both libras. i don't know whether to believe that or not, but it's true that i'm usually indecisive. the dad is also a bit more taciturn, so we're still not completely sure that he's ok with me, let alone if he approves of me. but considering things from his point of view, it's not easy to have confirmation that your son is gay and that he's 2 months into dating an older guy. i should give him props for treating me kindly; he buys an extra piece of bread when i stay over and pays for my share of dinner whenever the 3 of us eat together. it'll take time, i think. hopefully the cruise will catalyze better relations.

december is shaping up to be a busy month. socially, that is. L has 3 weeks of leave to clear and besides the cruise, we're also set to meet a fair few friends - mostly his, some of mine. for someone who claims to be introverted, i'm oddly quite looking forward to it!

-random thought of the day: Need to buy work supplies.-

Having finished the medical exam last thursday, i've done everything necessary for the job application. right now, it's the annoying limbo period of waiting for things to happen. i'm fairly confident that nothing should go wrong. but even then, it sucks to wait. the medical place said it should take 5-10 days for the results to be sent over. assuming they mean working days, i should hear back from them in the next 2 weeks...hopefully sooner.

what other major things have happened since the last post? i met another cousin and 2 of his 3 kids. he's the youngest son of my only maternal uncle, and is a couple of years older than me. we're not really close; i don't think i saw him more than a handful of times growing up. but it was still nice to catch up with him even though we don't really have many things in common. his kids are the same ages as my other cousin's - 6 and 4. they're a little rowdy, as expected of boys that age. still not changing my no-kids stance.

more good news, i seem to be recovering from my bout of illness. it's not COVID; i did multiple swab tests and they all came back negative. with that ruled out, it's probably just a cold. at the worst of it, my senses of taste and smell were diminished to almost zero. lucky that i'm regaining them now.

i brought L to meet one of my chemistry friends on monday, to discuss the tuition centre thing. it seems a bit right people wrong time...not sure how much time and energy i can commit. right now the main challenge is to find a suitable location. i'm supposed to do some trial curriculum writing for them, but i've not heard back from them about it yet. well...even if it doesn't happen, i figure it's ok. my priority at this point is the full-time job.

so far, i've seen L every day since we started dating. perhaps that's why it feels like we've been dating for longer than the actual duration of almost 2 months (it'll be exactly 2 months this friday). given that the overall duration is still relatively short, we're still learning more about each other. i'm enjoying it! it's reassuring to have someone to lean on, both literally and metaphorically. we're planning for something in december, maybe a cruise or staycation. i think it's a positive sign, as the ex was very reluctant to go on this kind of big thing with me. i think we had our first staycation only a year or more into dating? but that's irrelevant. i occasionally wonder what happened to the ex...but i'm not especially bothered.

well, it's almost time to go meet L for dinner. the only downside of our frequent dates is that i'm spending a ton more money than i otherwise would have. thankfully my savings can take the hit, plus i've now got a job lined up. reminder to myself to enjoy the remaining period of freedom and doing nothing; if i know myself well enough, i'll find myself missing these halcyon days.

-random thought of the day: Excited for L's long leave in December!-

Nearly 2 months into the relationship, and the first serious test has come. i'm not counting L's dad because he was quite accepting. so here's the situation - one of L's oldest friends seems to have issues with our relationship and with me in particular. my first thought was to be concerned, because i want to respect his friend's opinions. i've actually met the guy, and he was ok to my face. behind the scenes though...apparently not. i don't like this kind of behaviour. i'm ok if you don't like me. ideally i'd want to know why, even if the reason is something as stupid as "i don't like your face". at least that tells me who i can cut out of my life. but to have someone act like everything is fine in front of me and only express dislike of me behind my back...that's not ok to me.

L has been telling me about this friend and their past interactions. perhaps i'm listening to a biased source, but i see no redeeming qualities in the friend. i understand the friend to be very competitive, always trying to one-up others. yet, he's a sore loser. basically, he's got an inflated and fragile ego, which is a bad combination. he also does things to ingratiate himself to others in hopes of using his past kindness for future leverage. and for someone who calls himself an excellent communicator and a relationship master, the irony is that a previous business venture of his failed because he wouldn't talk to his co-partners, and he's never had a romantic partner. bigger irony - he's born on the exact same day, month, and year as L. they even share the same last name! yet i wouldn't date this guy if he were the last man on earth.

after finding out more about this person, i felt compelled to ask L why they still hung out together. could be for nostalgia's sake - they've known each other since secondary school, which is about half their lives. and while it's not my place to dictate who my partner can and cannot be friends with, i did ask L to at least consider cutting contact with this guy. not because i feel threatened...far from it! the main reason is that L is still deeply affected by something the friend said when they met up to iron things out this past week. my feeling is that the friend is projecting all his insecurities and shortcomings onto L, and that's not healthy. despite what i said earlier, i may have to assert my view more strongly if L is still fixated on that hurtful comment after some time. whether he listens to me or not is a separate issue, but i want him to know that i think this friendship is not healthy for him.

apart from that, i've spent some time with my nieces and nephew (i hear the collective for nieces and nephews is "niblings" but i don't feel too inclined to use that word). went for my eldest niece's kindergarten graduation a while back, and it made me feel...awkward, in a way. see, she goes to a christian kindergarten, and the graduation performance involved christian songs. seeing kids aged 3-6 singing things like "jesus, i dedicate my life to you" was a little disconcerting. like, do they really know what that means? or are they singing the catchy song because the teacher told them to and all their friends are doing it? personal opinion here, i think religion shouldn't be taught. let the curious approach and if they're really moved/convinced by the teachings, then sign up for it. i've also seen the other pair of siblings, but i don't feel particularly close to them. my aunt invited me to her place tomorrow, to catch up with another cousin and his 3 kids. don't feel too inclined to go, and that's also because i'm feeling sick.

considering i just recovered from a cold about 2 weeks ago, it's weird that i'm sick again. this time the symptoms are a bit worse, with loss of smell/taste and green phlegm. it's not COVID; i did a test and it came back negative. of course it might be a false negative due to a number of reasons including user error, but i'll choose to believe it. i don't have a fever, for one, and while my body feels heavy, it's not like when i had COVID and felt like staying in bed all day. today is day 2 of illness, so i'm hoping it'll clear up by monday. that's going to be a busy day because i've got to collect the work pants, send another pair or two in for mending, and introduce L to my friend. closer to the present, i've got a lab alumni gathering in...about an hour, and i'm still not ready to go! i'll probably indulge myself and grab down.

-random thought of the day: Had the medical checkup for work too.-

Catastrophizing is not something i usually do. while i usually think of worst-case scenarios and potential solutions/compromises in a "be prepared" kind of way, the chilling thought of 'what if the offer is rescinded?' came into my mind last night, and it's been living rent-free in my head ever since. perhaps things have been going too smoothly, and i just feel like i'm waiting for shoes to drop. i'm being paranoid, right? i mean, the fact that they gave me an offer means that i passed the interviews and tests. i've also signed and returned the offer letter, the receipt of which was acknowledged by them. so things are looking good there. AND YET...the feeling that something might go really wrong persists. i guess i'll only feel better after receiving instructions about the next step, which should be the medical checkup.

had a productive day yesterday! went to harbourfront to meet a chemistry friend, who i've spoken to before about starting a tuition centre with. with this new development in the form of a full-time job, our main goal was to see whether it would make sense for me to still be a part of this venture, and how i could contribute if i were to carry on with it. since i don't know whether overtime is expected or how frequent it happens, it's quite difficult to make any definitive commitments now. if i'm going to be involved, i'll probably have to spend a few hours per night at the centre, plus at least one full weekend day. that leaves me with basically no time for other things. again, this is all very tentative, so i might end up as a partner, just a teacher, or even not doing it at all. i also mentioned that L is experienced in private tuition, and having him on board might be beneficial. the problem there is navigating his current contract. there's no conflict of interest since the subjects are different, but he's also got to make sure that his working hours at the two venues don't clash. the 3 of us are set to meet up again soon to iron out details and make a decision one way or another.

some googling told me that there were a few tailors at seah im hawker centre, which is just opposite vivocity. so i decided to go check the place out, and ordered 2 pairs of work pants. the pants i used in japan are wearing out after about 4 years of regular use. that reminds me! i need to get a hem redone on one of them. will plan for that when i go for pants collection. depending on how the first job turns out, i might commission a couple of shirts too.

after that, i went to check out the vicinity of my new workplace since L was unexpectedly held back at work. turns out i'd actually been there before - the paya lebar branch of virgin active that i used to visit is housed in the same building. it's really accessible - like 150m from the train station, and the direct bus from L's place stops close-ish nearby as well. i'm currently debating between 3 options for the commute: (1) bus and train from my current place, (2) direct bus from L's place, (3) cycle or direct bus from my aunt's place. option 3 would be the ideal choice since it's the shortest, plus the building has showers and bicycle parking! need to see how i can get access to those facilities, though. unfortunately, this option is also the least likely to work out, since i understand my cousin is planning to move back for his family to be closer to his daughter's school. i'm going to put this on hold for now, since who knows what other options may present themselves later?

while i want to talk about my thoughts and feelings towards starting a new job, i don't quite feel in the right headspace for it now. so i'll just talk about some practical concerns for the time being. my main worry is time management, or rather, how much free time i have and how to allocate it. see, if i end up doing the tuition thing in addition to the day job, there is a real chance for a 6-7 day work week. i might have gone for it if i were single, but partnered me has to make time for the relationship and ensure that it grows too. i guess the acceptable compromise here would be working saturdays, since it's already a workday for L. that leaves sunday free for quality time together and longer dates. of course, i'll still see L on the weekdays, maybe for dinner or at home if i end up renting from him and his dad.

another thing to figure out is how to make time for exercise. i don't plan to go to the gym every day...maybe 2 to 3 times a week? and if i cycle to work, that's my cardio taken care of. maybe i'll do a split thing - either gym in the morning and take the bus, or skip the gym and cycle. that makes sense, right? i also considered putting gym after work, but i don't think it's a good idea. the prospect of a workout after a long day's work, plus the possibility that the added adrenaline from the workout will keep me from sleeping early, make a night workout unappealing. that also leads to a decision - which gym? do i go for virgin active due to its proximity to the workplace plus added perks (no attire needed), or do i go for 24/7 where the perk is working out with L but at the cost of some extra hassle (washing clothes)? i feel that i should be too hasty in deciding, because the HR person i spoke with told me that there was a possibility of a work from home arrangement further down the road (probably after confirmation).

the last logistics issue (as far as work is concerned, at least,) is food. while there are multiple food places in the vicinity, they're generally expensive. and given the number of people in the office buildings, i'm expecting crowds everywhere. the logical thing to do would be to bring my own lunch. would i do meal prep for the week ahead, or cook in the morning/the previous night each day? maybe i should do a tentative timetable for a typical workday, working backwards and forward from start and end times.

5:45am - wake up, change clothes, go to the gym

6:00am - reach the gym, work out for an hour-ish

~7:15am - leave L's place

8:15am - reach paya lebar (15 mins buffer time)

8:30am - report to work

12:30pm - lunch break

1:30pm - back to work

6pm - end of work (assuming no overtime)...maybe eat dinner outside?

7:30pm - reach L's place

rest of the evening - chores and other miscellaneous tasks, relaxing

aim to sleep by 9:30pm

just going by this estimation, it seems that most of my free time will be after work. so here's version 2:

6:15am - wake up, meal prep for lunch, shower, get ready

~7:15am - leave L's place

8:15am - reach paya lebar (15 mins buffer time)

8:30am - report to work

12:30pm - lunch break

1:30pm - back to work

6pm - end of work (assuming no overtime)

7:30pm - reach L's place

7:45pm - go to the gym

8:30pm - dinner

rest of the evening - chores and other miscellaneous tasks, relaxing

aim to sleep by 11pm.

night gym seems to make more sense, unless i really wake up super early to do things, or push some things to the previous night. i suppose i'll take reference from these 2 schedules and decide when to do what after taking my workload and fatigue levels into account too. reminder to self: be flexible; this isn't NS.

-random thought of the day: Going to my niece's kindergarten graduation!-

Further job progress - i've been sent the offer letter! the terms are mostly favourable, although there's one thing that kind of gives me pause. that's the probation period, which is set for 9 months and extendable by a further 3 to make it a whole year in total. seems that the extension will only happen if performance is unsatisfactory, so here's hoping i won't need it.

like i said earlier, the offer is good overall. although i shouldn't really be, i was still kind of surprised that they really gave me the bottom of my asking salary range. despite telling myself that i wouldn't complain if the value was within what i'd asked for, i still found myself thinking thoughts like 'i should have asked for a higher figure'. here's where i slap myself across the face and remind myself to be appreciative that they're hiring me, and that the figure is objectively quite generous. it's more than what i was making at the accursed IP firm, and the benefits are better here! guess it's human nature to want more. just have to remind myself to be content, and that having a source of income is better than no income. not to mention that they disclosed the salary cap for that rank in the offer letter, and it's higher than the maximum they put in the job ad. this means i've got something to work towards!

speaking of the benefits, they're pretty generous! 18 days of annual leave, which goes up to 22 days due to things like birthday leave. best part, i can take paid leave during my probation period (with some terms and conditions attached, of course)! i also have 2 MC days which don't require doctor's notes. those can probably be used for mental health days. the hours are not bad; 42 hours per week which is effectively 40 as the company allows us to leave 2 hours early once a week for sports/exercise. reminder of how lucky i am - not only am i going to make more than i did at the accursed IP firm, i also have a greater scope of benefits, plus i'm 95% sure that the hours are going to be more human/humane. i should count my blessings, really.

of course, there are downsides. just a couple of minor ones, first being the 9-month probation period as mentioned earlier. a typical company has probation set at 3 months. the accursed IP firm had 6, which i already thought was ridiculous. 9 is just...wow. the plan is to go in and do my best, learn everything i can. another potential downside is the workload/mental aspect of the job, but i shouldn't form preconceived notions

by the way, i haven't mentioned what company it is yet, have i? that was rhetorical - i know i haven't, and am deliberately avoiding doing so. the reason is that i don't want to expose myself to any unnecessary trouble, especially since i've not been confirmed yet. a part of me is even hesitant to tell people i got this job, until all the obstacles are cleared and i've physically been in the office for at least some time. a more extreme part of me wants to wait until i've cleared probation to update my linkedin and all that, but that'll mean waiting for 9 months. well, linkedin is mainly used when job-hunting anyway, so i guess i'm good? so far, only L, scary JC friend, some of the alumni, and my aunt know about it. i expect retired cousin will chance upon this soon, at which time she'll join the ranks of the knowers.

to help my planning, i'm going to list down things i have to do between now and when work starts next year:

- sign and return offer letter (by this week)

- medical checkup (pending company's arrangement)

- security check (don't think i need to do anything here?)

- get new work clothes (find a tailor)

- work out arrangements with L and/or my aunt

- talk to my chemistry friend about the tuition centre thing

- go back to more healthy eating

at a high level, these are the main things i need to do. i'll probably expand on them as and when they crop up. some of the less tangible things on my list include an updated balls post, goal-setting and mindset tuning for the new job, also just talking through my feelings about the relationship so far. this includes my hopes? ideas? for our future. one things of particular interest to me there is getting a place of my own. L is still under 35, so he can't be listed as a co-buyer yet. we'll work something out.

for now though, i'm going to just take a moment to be grateful. i'm grateful that good things are coming into my life one after another. i'm grateful that i've been in good health throughout most of the jobless period, and that i didn't need to spend money on medical things. i'm grateful for a partner who's not perfect, but pretty darned close. we haven't fought-fought yet exactly, but there have been disagreements which ended with one party apologizing. well, not everyone can have an argument-free marriage/relationship. besides, there's a japanese saying that translates into "rain solidifies the ground", or "(resolving) arguments strengthen the relationship". that's also something i want to write about in our relationship journal. i hope i remember this feeling of thankfulness in tough times.

-random thought of the day: Busy week ahead!-