Xenon is one of the six noble gases in the periodic table. like the rest of its group members, it is pretty inert due to its valence shell having a stable octet electron configuration. the noble gases make up less than 0.05% of the total composition of air. the reason i'm writing about this is because there's one big parallel to be drawn between the noble gases story and my life at the moment. in fact, this phrase says it all - stability is very rare. the second, less important reason was because it was time for me to start a post with an X, so why not?

back on topic...a few things which have happened between the last post and now (well...actually more like within the last 24 hours) have turned my schedule onto its ass and rendered it outdated enough to be thrown out of the window and into a watery grave. let's go down the list...

first off, the march training camp has been cancelled since there's currently no teacher-in-charge for CJC. instead, they're pushing it to june. good thing is that school will not have started yet, so i should still be free. bad thing is that things may insert themselves into my schedule, leaving insufficient free time to attend the camp. i was also looking forward to the opportunity to exercise more! guess that can wait. meanwhile, i could use this 3-month extension to get myself into better shape, so i won't suffer as much during the camp itself. now it looks like i bought my supplies a little too early. ah well...better early than late, and better late than never. at least i'll have even more time to go mp3 player hunting.

the other thing is about mahjong. remember i said that the opportunity cost of going back into judo would be time otherwise spent playing mahjong? apparently, my other mahjong friends aren't too happy with my decision. understandable, since 4 people are required, and having just one missing is quite sian diao. i'm not tied up by work, army or school, so i should be the most accommodating player. fair enough. furthermore, our weekly mahjong sessions may come to an end soon since one of our friends is taking up a weekend-burning job. so i guess that causes the remaining 4 weeks to have higher priority. i understand that. but is there really a need to try and make me take a huge guilt trip just because i've been excusing myself for the past 3 weeks? it's not like lives will be lost due to lack of mahjong, right? furthermore, at least i'm doing something constructive (not to mention good for health) with the time, instead of stunning at home. i don't know...i'm pretty close to this particular group of friends, but as the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. think i should take a bit of a break from them. after all, i haven't officially committed myself to weekly mahjong without fail.

coming back to the topic of judo, today's training session was pretty good. met up with an old schoolmate/friend whom i haven't seen since BMT (he's outranking me by a few belt grades now. quite demoralizing, considering we started on even footing). we also had a guest instructor who shared a few pointers about several throws. in order to understand a pretty confusing point he brought up, i volunteered to be thrown by him. i received the best throw of my life! despite his prompt, i didn't really see it coming. best part is, he did it so effortlessly. there wasn't really much force in the pulling, but his footwork, momentum and balance more than made up for that. then again, it's expected, seeing as he's probably been doing judo since before i was born. it was really an eye-opening experience. hopefully he comes by again. i'm still trying to figure out how he makes a difficult, paradoxical throw look so natural.

on the bus back from CJC, i was feeling pretty jiao. think it was because of the above few things, along with some other stuff. and it may have been the rain's influence too, let's not forget that. well, i'm feeling better now. turns out my long-forgotten, tried-and-tested remedy of blasting Bon Jovi still works. thank goodness i'm the only one at home now. i don't suppose my siblings or parents would appreciate the volume. in addition, i'm finding japanese songs (particularly those by Do As Infinity) very therapeutic too. sometimes, it might be better not to understand 100% of what's being said and just follow the beat/tune.

speaking of buses, i have to vent about something i've been meaning to say for quite a while now. americans are fond of saying "they don't make them like they used to". that saying applies to bus and MRT train drivers. ever since january, i've noticed a horrible, sharp drop in the skill levels of the drivers of public transport vehicles. it's particularly noticeable when they're stopping at the bus stop/train station. normally, i'm used to feeling a slight jerk when the vehicle stops. large mass = large inertia to overcome after all (yay physics knowledge!). but stopping the train 30cm off alignment and inching forward bit by bit to realign the doors is a bit too much. buses are also becoming increasingly fond of making dramatic, sharp turns and jerking to sudden, intermittent halts; sometimes in the middle of the road! it's not really pleasant, especially when you're packed like sardines and don't have any nice, solid bars, poles, rings or triangular plastic thingies within convenient reach. i really hope they send the relevant drivers for a recourse, or at least a refresher. either that, or reduce the bus fare. paying 91 cents to be jostled violently for 7 stops doesn't quite agree with me.

my posts have been getting MUCH longer since ORD. seriously! some of my more recent posts are easily twice to thrice the length of my typical army posts. guess i'm making up for my lack of words while in NS. it's good to realize that i'm actually still capable of writing big chunks of (mostly) logical text. sure, it may not be the most interesting read, but give me points for trying, yes? besides, i bet it'll be a useful university skill, especially for research papers or similar stuff..

i seriously think all my evil, bad, nonsensical, self-depreciating thoughts share a common root cause, namely that i have too much free time at present. "idle hands do the devil's work" after all. think i should seriously get a job. not sure whether i'm targetting full- or part-time yet. on one hand, full-time pays better, but at the cost of freedom. part-time offers flexibility, but less $$. tradeoffs either way. my heart (and common sense) leans towards part-time now, since i think it (they) feels that i'm not really ready for commitment to something as permanent as a full-time job. somehow, i foresee that i'll end up doing relief teaching for term 2 of school. only concerns with that are over whether i'll be able to find employment in my school(s) of choice, and whether the timetable will allow for my wednesday coaching sessions. i figure i can make some sacrifices and wake up early if i *really* need to. too bad the tuition idea didn't really take off though. it would have been much more relaxed. perhaps i should rethink my stand and approach a tuition centre? depends. i just might, if i get desperate enough.

my jiao-ness has more or less worn off, except for tiny little bits still stuck in my brain fissures. i'm predicting that they'll clear up after i read some zits (the comic) and get a good night's sleep. shouldn't waste the nice, comfortable rainy weather.

-random thought of the day: Still confused.-

What an interesting time i've had these past 2 days...

yesterday's coaching session felt a bit more relaxed/less intense than last week's. it's partially because we didn't really teach anything new, but were doing recaps of the drills from the previous weeks. also, the primary school exams are coming up, so i guess the kids weren't really in a bowling mood. one twist on the situation was that they were made to do some of the drills with their eyes closed. some of them actually performed better with this little modification, while another few couldn't really get it. unique individual learning processes i guess.

throughout the session, nobody came down to observe me! think the GM was busy. either that, or he was watching through CCTVs...i don't know. lucky that keeping an eye out for him wasn't high up on my priority list, so i didn't spend the whole lesson looking at the doors and neglecting the students. would have been a disaster if i did. guess the observation will happen soon (if it hasn't happened already).

the CJC visit which i mentioned briefly several posts back finally took place today. my original plan was to visit the school, then have dinner at a convenient location, but it didn't materialize. only 8 people came down, which was slightly below my expectations. then again, i can't really blame some of them for the no-shows. the rain sort of put a dampener on things, and even caused someone to miss our gathering because the area around her house was flooded. oh well. some things just happen at the most opportune timings.

low attendance aside, it went pretty well. managed to see Mrs Loke (our maths teacher, who's now the HOD. she showed us around the staff room and her office! so cool. we never got to see the interior of the staff room when we were students...) and Mr Foo (our PE teacher). Ms Giam (econs teacher) happened to zun-zun be on MC, so we didn't get a chance to meet up with her. it was nice to catch up with my ex-classmates (some of whom i haven't seen since results day) and reminisce about the good old days. i'm actually surprised at some of the stuff we can remember if we put our heads together and think hard enough. it's also for this exact reason that i think it's best to do this kind of activity in groups. example: there was no way i would have remembered the J1 fan incident if some of the other guys didn't bring it up. and i'm sure most of them have forgotten that we briefly moved classrooms in J1 because someone from another class injured his leg/ankle.

also went to see our old J2 classroom, which is being occupied by T16 now. it looks basically the same, but less bright somehow. and no, it's not because the lights were off (though they were). all in all, we had a pretty good time. makes part of me wish i was still studying there. i'm actually thinking of organizing another visit, but preferably when everyone's less busy...like during the girls' semester break. i'm sure we'll have even more laughs and memories if more people showed up.

i don't know why, but there are a lot more things i want to say about the visit that i can't really put into words. for instance, how the school has changed, and how it has not. comparing the students from my time and now. meeting my secondary school classmate (and subsequent JC schoolmate), along with several other schoolmates, who are all doing relief teaching. the feeling of seeing people rushing for classes, and remembering that we were the ones doing that not too long ago. finding out that certain good teachers have left. running into a retired maths teacher who's back on a part-time basis. solving an NYAA problem. seeing a judo junior who got injured on saturday and wondering how he is now. if i were to expand on each of those points, this whole post would be at least 5 times longer, make half as much sense, and have no flow/continuity at all. some things are best seen in picture form, and this is one of those things. looks like my right-brainedness is reasserting itself.

one thing i will elaborate on is the topic of relief teaching. it's somewhere near the bottom of my "potential job ideas" list, but it's something i've been considering for a while. only thing about it that turns me off is the inherent possibility that i'll have to wake up at B-F in the morning to attend assembly. by some odd coincidence, both my boss and my dad also brought it up at different times yesterday. figuring it was a divine sign or something, i went to ask Mrs Loke about it mid-way during our chat. she said that it was too late for me to apply now (for her department at least), and that i should have done it in december. that piece of news didn't really affect me either way, since i was never planning on teaching maths. a teacher who scored C in the subject he teaches will not inspire much confidence. maybe i'll go back again another day to look for the chem subject head and ask her if she needs an additional hand or two. alternatively, there's cat high. seems like i'm overdue for a visit there anyway.

well, i think i'd better wrap up here and go return my soon-to-be overdue library book. there's actually quite a lot more i'd like to write about, but as with the visit, it's better expressed in picture form, since i'm afraid i'll accidentally omit some details. so, that'll have to wait until i find a way to download pictures from my brain to my computer, or until i can express my thoughts with sufficient accuracy.

-random thought of the day: Need to find stuff to fill my schedule next week.-

Vexing...

went down to aljuined to listen to the job thing. it's not really what i expected to hear, but it was informative and logical. my friend actually withheld some facts about the job from me during our initial meet-up last week, so it was quite a stunner to see the job first-hand and find out the actual job requirements. it's got me pretty interested, but i still have a few reservations about the whole thing. the start-up cost isn't helping things either. whatever the case, i'll probably discuss it with some relatives and friends before i agree (IF i agree, that is).

my intention was actually not to blog tonight, but to save it for tomorrow. but then i figured i'd better blog now, so as to reduce my mental baggage for tomorrow's training, what with the observation and all. the whole job thing is weighing quite heavily on my mind now. on one hand, it's feasible, and has the potential to bring in big profits. but that'll only happen after a few months (or years, if you're slow). i know that i can't expect instant results, and that nothing in this world comes easy. it's a test of my faith and judgement i guess.

i went to search my archives for the word "devotion" while on a whim. true to my expectation, there was only 1 post out of the 700+ i've made so far that contained it. that post was made in the month of may in my sec 4 year, and it is a transcript of the only speech made by Mr Lee during my 4 years in cat high. re-reading it, and my subsequent comments in the post itself has made me wonder, 'where has my fire gone?' i just skimmed through the other posts in that month alone, and remembered that it was around that time when we were getting back the results of the first of our 3 prelims. to this day, i only remember one thing about that prelim - the essay i wrote had to contain the words "it was time to say goodbye" and was about my grandmother passing away. it scored 31/50, by the way, which made it one of the top 2 or 3 in class. it was also the first school essay where i killed a major character, and that left me feeling bad for quite a while.

but i digress...the archives also revealed that i scored the only chem A1 in class for that particular prelim. why? because i found chem to be interesting, fun, and easy, thanks to Mr Lee. in JC, i probably survived on the residual effects of my sec 4 chem experience, because as good as the CJC teachers were, i don't remember feeling such a high level of inspiration. i really really have to find the same kind of motivation, the one that will keep me pushing myself for even better results, no matter how good i am already.

in that same month, i also found that i posted something on the topic of letting go. must have found that particular piece of text somewhere else...memory seems to indicate it's from chicken soup for the soul. anyways, i find that its even more relevant to me now, close to 5 years later. you'd think i'd have learnt from it back then, no? sadly, no. seems like i was a smarter kid than i gave myself credit for back then.

now, on to the (hopefully) last thing bugging me so i can go off for a good night's sleep. i think it was a mistake for me to get the omnia, for more reasons than one. i say this because my dad's been using my charger a lot (goodness knows what happened to his own). i'm ok with sharing, but the thing is more often than not, his phone charging times coincide with mine. what's worse is, my charger's on my computer table, so he'll have to stand around SMS-ing as his phone is charging. it's actually pretty annoying, especially since he (and almost anyone in the living room, actually) has got a clear view of my monitor. only difference is, he's much closer in proximity, so odds are he'll be able to make out the stuff on my screen faster. besides, it's hard to relax with people in such close proximity, and with their stuff on your table.

i know that he's not really the kaypoh type, but there this little thing called human nature, which is by default suspicious. it works both ways, in the sense that i'm suspicious that he's trying to look at my screen even though he may not be doing it, and he's suspicious of my online activity, so his parental nature may make him steal a glimpse or two. normally, i'm ok with people looking at my screen. it's just that certain sensitive stuff (eg. MSN conversations, blog post drafts) are better restricted to a need-to-know basis. believe me, there are certain things about my friends and other relatives from my generation that my parents don't need to know.

like i said on my facebook status, it's a very minor thing which has got me majorly annoyed. maybe it's because today's the 7th time or so. or maybe the job thing is messing with my brain circuitry. at any rate, i'm probably going to read this post again tomorrow and ask myself, "was it really that big a deal?" hopefully tomorrow-me will be able to put things into better perspective.

ok...i think that about cleared my mental storage space. time for bed.

Uncertainty on whether to blog or not has sort of delayed this post by around 3 hours. the reason i was reluctant to blog is because there have been zero interesting things happening since the last post. in fact, life's been kind of dull these past 2 days, considering all i've been doing is slacking at home and spending far to much time on facebook. still, i shall try to find stuff interesting enough to talk about.

since i've brought up the topic of facebook already, let's develop from there. it's actually a very useful website for keeping in touch with friends. but the downside of it is that people can access your information, photos, friends list and all that with relative ease. of course, you could restrict access to your profile, but what's the fun in that? i think it's still best to stick to some words of wisdom i picked up in secondary school, which go "don't post anything online which you are not prepared for others to see". so far, it's served me pretty well.

my recent facebook exploration has also brought me in touch with some people out of my age range, ie. we weren't in the same school at the same time. the reason i know them is because i met them while lending a hand to the CCA, or when going back for training after graduation. normally, i wouldn't have the opportunity to talk to them that much, or get to know them that well in such a short period of time. i'm definitely grateful to facebook for helping to bridge the gaps.

moving on to the next random topic, i'm happy that my hair's starting to grow out again. it's definitely not conforming to SAF standards now, but i don't really care either way. my estimate is i'll be able to tie up the back after another month or so. would be interesting to see, no? wonder how the people in NUS will react...

for some very odd reason, i've been feeling restless all day. it could be because i have excess energy stored up from waking up at 1+pm (i slept at 3+am last night/this morning btw.) and that i haven't been awake long enough to burn it all. yet, i find myself yawning as soon as i finished writing that previous sentence. paradoxical.

a lot of "what if?"s have been going through my head recently. they're the evil offspring of too much time and an active imagination. you know, it's times like these that i really wish some big project would come along and keep me occupied enough not to think about inconsequential stuff like this. it's really not doing my brain any good, especially since i'm powerless to change reality.

what do you know? i'm starting to feel tired already. must be the mental exertion from finding stuff to write about. guess i'd better take advantage of the moment and head off to bed. after all, i have to attend that interesting job appointment thing tomorrow (it got pushed forward), and i don't think the boss would offer the job to a zombie, right?

-random thought of the day: No chance to slack for the next few days...-

Today's training session was tougher than last week's - i have the scars and aches to prove that. in addition, my leg actually cramped up towards the end of training. that hasn't happened in...ever, if memory serves. usually, 2 scenarios will lead to cramps. one is when the muscle is overused, and the other is when the muscle is forced to stretch out again after it has cooled down and tightened. as much as i'd like to believe otherwise, i have a great conviction that my particular cramp was caused by reason 2. not good! means i need to step my training intensity up a bit more to maintain the warmth. not as easy as it sounds, especially when you're half-dead after a short (and pretty relaxed) 3-minute bout. this is giving me second (and third, fourth, fifth...) thoughts about attending training camp.

but cramps, aches, some head trauma and a minor scrape aside, today's session went pretty well. looks like the electrolyte salts from guardian was a good buy. i originally thought that the salts would be MUCH less expensive than the commercial isotonic drinks, but after working out the mixing ratios and the cost per unit volume (using 100 plus as the standard), i realize the difference is only about 1.45 to 1.93 times at best. still, it's a cost saving, and i'll take whatever savings i can find in this sucky economic situation. bonus is it's orange-flavoured, and tastes pretty good. i was expecting some horrible-tasting, cloudy drink. so, no complaints here. in fact, i think i'll go get another 20-30 packets or so. after today, i know that i've definitely underestimated the total quantity i'll need throughout the training camp, especially with the morning PT and other interesting stuff.

the good thing i notice is that some (i still daren't say "most") of the juniors are warming up to my presence. it's probably easier since i knew a few of them from their SJI days. at least that gives me some incentive to stick to my guns and continue judo. the coaching style is a lot less regimental too, which has its pros and cons. well, at least people generally seem to like it more.

while still on the topic of sports, let's talk about bowling, which i went to do yesterday. bowled something like 6 games' worth of drills and 2 serious games. who knew that bowling could be so tiring? learnt quite a lot of stuff, including (but not limited to) body posture, projection, extension, weight distribution, momentum, power transfer, relaxation, good starts, and most importantly, timing. there's still a lot of room for improvement, but some things just can't be rushed. actually, most of the things i'm learning is what we're teaching the kids. so, it helps me find out what the emphasis is for the different drills that we do. my advantage here is my experience, since i've done all the drills as a spinner. changing bowling style requires around 85% re-learning of skills, but the basics are still more or less the same.

my RJC visit bore some additional fruit, seeing as my inbox now contains an email with 2 .pdf files of the school's chem questions. i just briefly skimmed through one of them, and i must admit the last question in the file threw me off, partially because of the way it was put across. the question was phrased as a story about sherlock holmes solving a case. what's worse is they used imperial measurement units (feet, ounces). at least they provided conversion ratios. even then, it was tricky as the students had to be aware that a different hydrogen isotope (deuterium) was present in the compound. that's not something many people (myself included) would be perceptive enough to catch at a glance. honestly, there are 90% odds that i wouldn't have got it if i didn't accidentally scroll to the answers! i'm actually looking forward to doing it, most probably during my free time at the camp.

co-ordinating a class outing isn't easy. i should know; i've been at it for the past few days. lucky my ex-HTC (ie. class monitor, not the taiwanese brand) was nice/proactive enough to lend a hand despite being busy with university and all. i just can't imagine sending out mass SMSes like she does. anyways, the response is still not as good as i'd hoped, but i'm still targetting for least half of the class (that's 13 people) to show up. it's not that much to ask for, is it? i think it'd be interesting to see our old teachers again, though the change in some of their appointments is quite stunning.

seems like i'm down with a cold. guess it's true that tough physical activity weakens the immune system. either that, or it's the weather. it had better clear up before the next coaching session. at present, my nostrils are taking turns to be blocked up. not the best feeling in the world, i'll tell you that. hopefully things will be better after a couple of panadol and a good night's sleep, which i probably should be heading off for right now.

-random thought of the day: Ugh.-

Setbacks seem to be more abundant than usual today. reason i say this is because i only managed to successfully accomplish one out of three things which i set out to do. let's get the bad stuff over with first...it'll make the only good thing sound WAY better.

number one on the "didn't manage to do" list is to secure a spot for the NCAP level 1 course (aka basic coaching certification). contrary to my expectations, the 100 slots have been snapped up, with an additional 90 on wait-list. that means 91 people have to opt out/not make payment on time in order for me to be even considered for placement in the course. what are the odds? not high, that's for sure. pulling a string that i have a link to at the sports school has crossed my mind, but i doubt that idea will bear any fruit. so, it would seem that i'm more or less resigned to going for the next 3-week long course in august, while simultaneously juggling university obligations too then. hopefully the first month or so of university will be sufficiently slack for me to study enough to clear the course on the first try.

the other thing bugging me is my inability to procure a cat high PE t-shirt. i must have called close to 15 companies, including the school's bookshop and their supplier. everywhere i turned, i got the same reply, which in short reads, "no." i even took a trip around the country to follow up on the companies i could not reach by phone. the journey went something like this: train from bishan to lavender, bus from lavender to queensway, bus from queensway to toa payoh, and train from toa payoh back to bishan. despite the distance covered and the variety of shops asked, still no dice. so, i'm left with 2 of the most promising leads (left for last to maintain confidence): ang mo kio industrial park, and a warehouse somewhere. if these two don't turn anything positive up, i'll probably use my very last resort: the salvation army. from the bottom of my heart, i really, really hope it doesn't come down to that. you know, i still can't believe that the entire stock of old-design t-shirts can become unavailable just like *that*. am i not looking hard enough?

finally...the ONE thing that went extremely well! i went pay a surprise visit to my secondary school chem teacher, Mr Lee, in RJC earlier on today. to be honest, i don't know who was more stunned when we saw each other - him or me! anyways, we had a nice 30 minute-long chat in the unbelievably well-furnished staff room/lounge (the little corner we sat down in for our talk had nice comfortable seats and a big-ass TV. it looked more like a living room than anything else, actually), which was prevented from going on even longer by the fact that he had a class to teach. talking to him for the first time in close to 3 years reminded me how good of a teacher he is, and how dedicated he is to chemistry, and teaching in general. he left cat high in 2006 for a ministry job, but got tired of it and came back to teaching. how cool is that? thanks to that decision, a few thousand more kids will be scoring well for their a-level chem.

during our conversation, the topic of students was brought up. he tells me that RJC has brighter and more hardworking students as compared to cat high. of course, i have to agree. cat high guys (well, those from my era, at least) take pride in being slackers, doing last-minute stuff, and still achieving decent-enough results to keep everyone happy. nowadays, it's difficult to say the same, especially with all the imported scholars. the "brighter" point is disputable, but hardworking we are (were) not. i suppose we balance this by being way more appreciative of our teachers, so they feel the additional stress pays off in the end. Mr Lee was telling me that while he was in the ministry, part of his job involved touring schools to conduct courses. and when he was conducting a course in VJC, his old students spotted him and went crazy, yelling and running over to him! this phenomenon is not exclusive to VJC though. his ex-students in RJC have done the same thing, and i would have done it today too, if i was still 18, that is. he also offered me advice regarding studying methods and good reference books when he found out i was going to major in chemistry in university. one of the more memorable things he said is, "when just starting out, don't do teaching/tutoring for the money." really shows his heart and passion is in the right place.

being a typical persistent cat high boy, i asked Mr Lee whether he would ever consider going back to cat high to teach. his answer, sadly, is no. to put it in his words, "it was time to move on." though i don't really agree with the negative response, i do understand where he's coming from. unlike present-day cat high, RJC offers less stress, better facilities, a bigger budget and more freedom for him to do whatever he wants. in this aspect, it's very true that cat high's loss is RJC's gain (i still think he should be in cat high, but oh well). seeing that trail wasn't leading anywhere productive, i settled for the next-best alternative and asked him to come to our weekly turf city gatherings. encountered some resistance initially, but one magic phrase (which i cannot reveal here for political reasons) dissolved that pretty quickly. i really hope he comes by one saturday, and for all subsequent saturdays after that. it would make a lot of people (mainly me and all my juniors who know him) VERY happy.

throughout our conversation, i noticed something. Mr Lee never attempted to deny his expertise as a chemistry teacher. i'd bring up things like his 5-minute lessons and unique teaching style, and he'd just agree with me. before anyone thinks otherwise, he wasn't bragging. it was more of a "yes, i know" kind of statement. very matter-of-fact. in case you're wondering, he's actually THAT good! i kind of figured that it was a cycle - his ability both gives rise to, and is reinforced by his confidence. i finally remembered that his attitude towards the subject is the precise reason he's my inspiration to excel in chemistry. it sort of reminds me of that "our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure" quote. some of my friends (one of them being my coach/boss) have said that they see the same confidence in me when i talk about chemistry. of course, my magnitude's nowhere as giant as Mr Lee's, but i'm thinking that the fact i possess some of it (and that we share the same surname!) is a good start. now i need to boost it up, and learn to apply it to other areas of my life...coaching being one extremely prominent area at the moment.

while walking back to the main gate after the meeting, i just wondered to myself...what would my life have been like if i had scored better in the o-levels and gone to RJC? i've stopped wondering about different secondary schools already, because i've figured that ultimately, cat high was the best place for me to go. now the uncertainty comes in at JC level. i wonder if i would have got better a-level results (more than likely) and made more/better friends (debatable, but i personally think not). i really don't know why i'm still thinking about this, especially since i'm past JC-going age. arrgh. i suppose it's the "could-have-been" syndrome at work, and maybe i'm just a little envious of the nice facilities in RJC. have to drop that train of thought...it's taking up unnecessary brain space.

blogging really helps to put everything in perspective. originally, i was kind of pissed off/depressed by my 2 failures today. but after looking at what i've written so far, i found that actually, my one success totally eclipsed them! just compare: each bad thing got 1 paragraph each, but the good thing got four times that. my interpretation of this is that i should just focus on the good stuff, and let go of the bad.

speaking of letting go, i realize it's not something i'm good at. i'll only give up on something/one when there's absolutely no other alternative. it creates quite a lot of emotional baggage, which is not good for the heart and/or soul. so, i'm going to learn to let go of stuff with more ease than before. and that starts with certain impossible scenarios.

my coach has mentioned something to me (which i have realized myself too) several times before. i'm a right-brained person, which means my thought processes and learning methods involve pictures, feelings, emotions and instinct. one exception though...i don't like mind maps. long story short, i'm a pretty intuitive person. but recently, i'm using left-brained thought patterns, which include rationalizing, reasoning, analyzing, lists, words, and generally the exact opposite of my natural self. here comes the million-dollar question...why!? after some reflection, i've come up with this answer: the reason i've been doing this since army is to not let my emotions get the better of me when making tough decisions (which can screw up the outcome especially if there's something you treasure a lot hanging in the balance), and to guard against emotionally-damaging words/actions/stuff. it was a useful skill in army, but i think i overdid it a little. have to re-calibrate my brain and lean towards my optimal configuration again.

-random thought of the day: My mousepad is dirty!-

Recent correspondence with long-lost friends has led to several scenarios and prospects which sound too good to be true. take this evening's meeting with an army friend, for instance. he was trying to offer me a job. here's what he told me. the job basically involves data entry. work hours are extremely flexible, typically around 2 hours per day, 2 days per week. that's the bare minimum. what's the salary for that basic amount of work? $1000+ per month. it's contract-less, which means you can quit/rejoin any time without prior notice. and here's the best part - it's not illegal. according to him, the company's signed deals with marigold, GNC, and several other heard-of brands. i just did some simple maths, and realized that the average wage the job offers is $62.5 per hour. now tell me...how unbelievable is that!? still, in the event that this is one of those rare, blue-moon type opportunities, i agreed to go down to aljuined next thursday to find out more. if that meeting goes well, then who knows? i might have an additional nice, well-paying job.

another meeting earlier tonight didn't go nearly as well. one of my friends acquaintances from 2005's pre-u seminar called me out of the blue, asking me to listen to him present something. figuring that i would be in the area, and that all he needed was critique and evaluation, i agreed. ended up waiting for an hour or so for some other guy to finish with his presentation before we got started. had i known it was an MLM company selling some herbal supplement thing, i would have hung up on his first call. though the people at the place were saying that there was no obligation for me to buy anything or to sign up for any programme, i sort of sensed that they meant the exact opposite. at least they weren't thick-skinned enough to force the issue after i indicated disinterest. note to self: think twice about accepting calls from people who don't keep in regular contact.

based on these two scenarios, i wonder...do i look that keng-able? i trust my army friend more than the seminar acquaintance, but his offer sounds extremely suspicious too. well, at least i haven't signed anything, so there's nothing legally binding yet. either i'm being smart by picking up these little hints/details, or i'm being paranoid and passing up the chance of a lifetime. whatever happens, at least i don't lose anything. worst case is i lose something that i don't already have, so the heartache factor's reduced.

today's coaching session went pretty well! i had a sort of premonition that it might, considering i woke up on time (or early, actually) and only snoozed my alarm once. was more proactive and energetic as promised, but my boss thinks i can be stretched even further in that regard. had a short little meeting with the GM after training, where i was informed about certain contractual/pay matters and that i would be under observation during next week's training session. i'm supposed to carry on as normal and not let it affect me, by the way. how's that for stress? one small measure of comfort is that neither the school, the kids, nor my boss has seen fit to give me any blatantly negative feedback. that means i'm still doing most things right!

during the meeting, the subject of coaching certification was brought up too. at present, i'm at zero out of a potential 4 levels, ie. nothing. certification will not only help me become a better coach by imparting essential skills, but will also increase my market value by 2 to 4 times. sadly, after doing some checking on the sports council website, i found out that i missed the registration for the march/april course by exactly one week. i really don't wish to wait for the next course (which is in august/september), because school will have started by then. i'd rather clear it now (and use it as an opportunity to get re-accustomed to studying too) as opposed to clearing it concurrently with university stuff, since i will most likely be swamped in work during that time period. i'll be calling up the sports council tomorrow in hopes that there are still some vacancies open for the course, and that they'll find it in their hearts to accept my last-minute registration. i'm not too worried about vacancies, because i REALLY doubt the course is at its maximum capacity of 100 people. it's the second thing about late entry that's bugging me. hopefully they'll be understanding enough.

tomorrow looks like a busy day! have to make several phone calls to the sports council (see above) and some uniform shops (see previous post). hopefully i can swing by RJC if time permits too.

-random thought of the day: Suddenly, 12 hours of daylight feels insufficient.-

Quite annoyed is how i'm feeling at present.

in anticipation of going back into judo, and the upcoming training camp, i went down to the library earlier on to borrow a few books for memory refreshment's sake. since i was out of the house already, i figured that i might as well go hunting for a replacement cat high PE t-shirt (for sleep-wear during the training camp and general use at home) since my old one got dyed pink in a laundry mishap (which pissed me off considerably) last year, and was therefore rendered un-wearable. to be honest, i've been putting this off for quite a while...think around 6 months? anyways, murphy's law has proven itself to work once again. the school has now switched to a new t-shirt design, which makes the old one hard to find. just when i actively began searching too! i actually went around the neighbourhood to search for uniform shops, which are surprisingly scarce. in fact, i only found one, and that was the one i started at. my subsequent 5km walk proved fruitless, though it did bring back some memories as i went past the wet market area, which i have not visited since sec 1 or 2. upon reaching home, i went online to do some searches, and came up with a list of shops that might still be selling it. have to make some calls tomorrow, and if all goes well, i won't have to travel too far (the furthest on the list is pasir ris) to get it.

by now, some of you are probably thinking that i'm crazy to go to such extents for a t-shirt. the thing is, it's not just "a" t-shirt. it's a reminder of my secondary school days, which (upon looking back, i realized that) i enjoyed and miss tremendously. so, i'll go to almost-ridiculous lengths (short of flying out of the country, or paying obscene amounts of money) to get it. i really really hope it won't be too inconvenient, but that remains to be seen.

went bowling yesterday, but didn't do as well as usual, considering that i'm starting from scratch to learn a new technique. it's tougher than it looks! made a horrible mess out of the first couple of frames, but things picked up in the end. there were a few shots where everything flowed so smoothly that it felt effortless. according to my coach, i'm supposed to experience that "nirvana" feeling EVERY time i send the ball down the lane. i'm not quite near that skill level yet, but i suppose it'll come with time and (more importantly,) diligent practice. in fact, i'm supposed to do 10 games each of foul-line, one-step and three-step drills as homework. that equates to 30 games total, which will cost approximately $75 at the cheapest. horrors. i really need my paycheck from sports school to come through soon. ah well. i probably shouldn't let money stand in the way of improving my skills. hopefully my bank account feels the same way.

happened to run into cat high's bowling team at OCC yesterday. didn't realize that they were training there too. most of the faces were foreign to me, though i did recognize a few kids who were in the lower sec and primary school when i was helping out back in 2005/2006. like i've mentioned before in a few previous posts, it still wows me whenever i meet someone (juniors in particular) whom i've not seen in a while, especially if the person has grown/matured/changed a lot in the time interval. yesterday was no exception. i was even more surprised to find out that one of the sec 3 kids was my junior's younger brother. at least i think he's in sec 3...he could be sec 2 for all i know. it's hard to tell when students wear shorts for their entire secondary school life! guess i'm getting old even faster than i'd thought. had a nice chat with mr fernandez after the training session. turns out he's now the head teacher-in-charge of the CCA, since mrs long left for someplace else. was good to see him after close to a year. didn't really talk for an extended time though, since he had to rush off to do assorted teacher-y stuff.

my cat high visit has been pushed back for a while, because insider information says that common tests are due to begin in the near future...like this friday. despite my good intentions, i don't think stressed-out teachers would appreciate entertaining one of their former students at this point of time. therefore, i'm changing destinations to RJC for the time being, where i'll call upon my chem sensei. i hope thursday is a good time.

was a little late in meeting with some (2) of my JC classmates after bowling yesterday. well, little might be an understatement for 50 minutes. what to do? i was catching up with a teacher i like, and haven't seen in ages! but anyway, we had dinner and we (read: they) somehow decided to drop by my place for a bit. quite stunning initially, but oh well. we were talking about organizing a class outing/visit back to CJC and other random places, and i actually went to create the event on facebook. response so far has been lukewarm. then again, the event's only a few hours old. can't expect too much. from the preliminary replies, it looks like we'll have to reschedule it to about 2 weeks later. over dinner, we also talked about a possible japan trip in the upcoming months before university, but the odds of that happening are not high, considering financial tightness (all of us have ORD-ed and both of them are presently jobless) and schedule restrictions. nevertheless, it was good to see them again. reminded me of JC days.

coaching tomorrow! i really don't want to screw things up, especially not while i'm still under probation. should be more proactive. wish me luck!

-random thought of the day: Need to upload pictures from my phone soon.-

Part of me is now wishing that i didn't go for training yesterday. it's mainly because of the aches, which have intensified and are causing me un-ignorable amounts of pain. but well, mind over matter. have to let my tougher parts convince the weaker ones that going for training is the right thing to do. to help the conviction along a little, i even went to restock my "judo medic supplies", which consists of stuff like deep heat (both cold and hot versions), tape, plasters, and some new additions - oral electrolyte salts and charcoal pills for the training camp, which i will be attending in march. now all that's left to do is to find a nice box to store them in. i'm actually thinking of using the bowlers' kit box, but my suspicion is that it's a little too shallow. no worries...i'll just shop around until the ideal box appears. so far, total wallet damage is $40.55, so that gives me motivation to make sure my money is well spent by using everything up.

like i mentioned previously, one of my army friends actually dragged me down to church today. normally, i don't really voluntarily go for this kind of thing, but he was so enthusiastic (he even offered to give me a wake-up call!) that i got curious about it. that explains what i was doing out of bed at 9am on a nice sunday morning. anyways, it's probably only my second time at a christian service (weddings not included), and i still stick by my stand that i will not convert to christianity (or indeed, any other religion, for that matter). for some reason, the whole church atmosphere was a little too artificial for my liking. upon the pastor's prompt, people just come up to you, shake hands and welcome you to their church. maybe they're being hospitable, but i personally feel it's way too friendly.

the pastors are kind of scary too. they sound almost fanatical while preaching (like the stereotypical american TV evangelist), and i find that unnerving. what's worse (in my opinion) is the crowd just follows along. i know it's supposed to be that way, and i was just thinking to myself that the "flock of sheep" metaphor used in the bible is maybe just a little too apt. but i'll admit one thing though. they have wonderful music. if the christian song songwriters wrote normal songs for a band, that band would be a runaway success. i can't decide whether it's the tune or the lyrics, but something about the christian rock songs just makes them quite addictive to listen to, even though you may not share their religious views. here's a little moral question: would it be wrong to listen to christian music just for the musical value, and not for the message in the song? i'm actually half-tempted to get some christian song CDs for listening pleasure. i should consult with my friend about this matter.

as for the sermon itself, i thought it was pretty enlightening. it was mainly about hearts, and whether they were hard or not. though i'm not a christian, i think the message still applies to me. only difference is i don't have to accept anyone/thing into my heart to soften it. good food for thought.

mosquitoes, sandflies and/or other insects are still bugging me (pun unintentional)! i really don't know why this is happening. i never faced this problem up till 2 months ago. and it's not like there are only a few bites. my estimate is i've been bitten 8 times minimum just this evening/night alone. annoying. guess i'd better break those mosquito repellent patches in soon.

it's getting late, and i have to be sleeping soon. planning on popping by cat high tomorrow, just to see all the old teachers who are still there, and maybe catch a junior by surprise too. then, it's off for bowling, where i get to try out my new ball (and new technique). looks tiring, so i'd better catch all the sleep i possibly can.

-random thought of the day: Must get a Cat High PE shirt tomorrow...not the new design though.-

Ok...call it a spur of the moment thing, but i actually went back to CJC for training in the afternoon. it wasn't that bad, actually. shook off some of the rust, threw some people, got thrown a few times...typical stuff. forgot how much achiness and fatigue (especially in the arms and fingers due to all the gripping) i used to experience after training though. add that to a year of non-training, and i think you'll find it easy to understand why i fell asleep on the bus (thankfully not missing my stop in the process). damn. can't even type properly now. you should see how many typos i've corrected already. to top off the complaints list, i have 3 minor scrapes/blisters. fortunately, my right hand is unaffected, so i'll still be able to bowl on monday. hopefully everything will heal up by wednesday morning latest, because i really don't fancy feeling pain with each movement while in bowling class.

the decision to commit myself to judo naturally has an opportunity cost. it happens to be time which i would otherwise spend playing mahjong. it then comes down to this: which is more important to me? judo is important because i've set myself a goal (to take the june grading) and it helps to improve my fitness and strength, which is linked to another goal (to regain NS-level fitness or better by august). so, 2 birds, 1 stone. on the other hand, i value mahjong because it's good bonding time with my friends (who are closer to me than the judo people). gets the brain working too. the money is a nice perk, but it's not that important. have to find an acceptable compromise somewhere. maybe split in a 3:1 ratio of judo to mahjong? or i could try to attend some of the weekday training sessions instead. pity one of them (on wednesday) clashes with bowling. there's always monday though...

recently, i've been getting more blasts from the past than usual. examples: meeting with and helping to coach ryan yesterday, and seeing the judo people today. though at least 85% of them are new faces, i still managed to recognize some of the SJI sec 4's (who were just cute little sec 1's when i graduated from jc!). i was kind of glad to find out that some of them still recognized/remembered me. it's really unbelivable how much stronger they've gotten over the past 3 years. then again, we have to count in the cui factor, since i've not been actively training for that equivalent amount of time. in the end, i guess it's to be expected after all. i definitely have to train consistently to be their match again...notice i'm not even targetting the seniors (brown/black belts) yet. step by step.

it's valentine's day today. wow. big deal...NOT! it's just a typical saturday to me. i still don't get what's the big deal about the whole thing. why wait for ONE day in each year to tell people you like that you like them? as one of my friends posted on facebook, "every day can be valentine's day if you're happy." (slightly paraphrased). i'll admit, it was nice to receive all the little gifts in jc, but perhaps we should try doing it on a totally random day too, say the first tuesday of august? would be worth considering, i think.

going to borrow an army phrase here...i'm shagged out. calling it a day here to get some CoH hours in before sleeping early for a change. i have to be up at 7:30 tomorrow after all.

-random thought of the day: Tuition may not be able to fit itself into my schedule after all.-

Now that my plan is slightly more than halfway to completion, it's safe for me to reveal the details. close to 2 years ago (in may 2007, to be exact), i picked up a copy of The Neverending Story. aside from being a pretty good read, it also has the unique feature where each of its 26 chapters begin with a word starting with successive letters of the alphabet (ie. chapter 1 begins with an A, chapter 2 with a B, etc.). so, as you can see, i've followed this pattern for the last 13 posts. it's really quite bo-liao, but i figured "why not?". not like it's screwing up my blogging or anything. only problem i'm anticipating is how to deal with the X and Z. ahh...i'm sure i'll work something out by then.

as written about previously, i went to send my cousin off to australia yesterday. it wasn't as emotional as i'd thought it would be, mainly because i didn't count on the fact that his friends would be there as well, and that he would be entertaining them too. you see, i pictured it as more of a family thing, but oh well. i don't know whether it was the impact of seeing him enter the departure gate and realizing that he wouldn't be around as often any more, or because i didn't really talk to him as much as i'd have liked, or because i was actually quite tired, but for some inexplicable reason, something put me in a pretty sour mood back then. thankfully it's worn off by now.

this is a pretty morbid thought, but it just happened to occur to me then. the glass departure gates at the airport really reminded me of the viewing panels found in the crematorium, where you get one last look before everything is sent to the furnaces. it's not the most auspicious thing to say, which is why i'm only blogging about it now after i'm certain everyone on that particular plane arrived with no mishap. maybe my self-done handwriting analysis (part of which stated that i may be preoccupied with death) is more accurate than i gave it credit for. perhaps it's time to change my signature?

helped out with coaching again today. this session was a pro-bono one, for one of the ex-primary school kids who's in J1 (in RJC) this year. prior to this, the last time i saw him was back in 2004, when he was in primary 6 and i was in sec 4. it's really amazing how 5 years can change a person. he's taller, thinner, has sharper features, wears contacts instead of glasses, and to be honest, i wouldn't be able to identify him if i passed him by on the street. i find it quite amazing that he actually remembers me, though his description of me from 5 years ago (though mostly accurate) is not really that flattering. it's the cat high boy in him to be direct (though sometimes bordering on offensive), i guess. his impression of me from back then was that i was a grumpy person. that threw me off quite a bit. i don't really consider myself grumpy, unless you're talking to me when i'm insufficiently rested, or when i just woke up. maybe i was stressed out on that particular day? at any rate, i hope his perception has changed after our training session.

anyway, back to the topic at hand...we went through a few drills with him (his name's ryan, by the way), and i was told to watch for certain things at certain times. overall, my observations generally tally with those from my boss, and that's a good sign. shows that i'm looking at the correct stuff...or rather, making sense of the information correctly. i still have a long long way to go though, in terms of getting certified and accumulating experience. was looking at the SBF website for details on their coaching courses just a while ago, and it seems like they haven't organized a course so far this year. have to wait patiently, i guess. stopped by the pro shop for a bit after training, and i decided (after much heavy influence) to get a new ball done up. it's 14 pounds, and if the weight hasn't already given it away, i'll be using it to learn how to stroke a ball properly. that means i'm turning my back on spinning for the time being, until i can master (or at least become proficient in) stroking. wonder how long that's going to take?

training aside, talking to ryan was just a little...trying. yes, that's a good word to use. reason i say this is because (as mentioned earlier,) he's a little too direct in his speech. i personally wouldn't say some of the things he said to me to someone 4 years my senior (even if they applied). it could be because my (our, really) coach was there to cheng yao a bit. at least i didn't detect any malice behind it, so it was easy to let it slide. but something good came out of our little chat. he made me realize that i should be way more active, instead of spending about 80% (slight overestimation) of my time at home...even if the time is spent productively. i've previously written on one of my recent facebook notes (the 25 things one), that "I have a lot of interests, but not enough time/money/motivation to pursue every single one of them." now that the time factor's resolved, i should start kicking the tempo up a notch if i want to get myself out of slack mode and into do-as-much-as-possible-before-entering-university mode. besides, it'll help me get conditioned to the longer hours and increased mental stress of university. as a little reminder/encouragement, i'll make a little list of the stuff i want/have to do:

- go back into judo once or twice a week. take grading in june if possible.
- gain more technical knowledge in bowling and become a more effective coach.
- run/swim with increased frequency to regain minimum NS-level fitness before school begins.
- driving license by may!

these are the top 4 things on my priority list now. as for the tutoring thing, it'll come, or it won't. i'm not too troubled by it either way since i already have a mostly-stable job (with few working hours!). still, a bit of extra $$ would be nice. maybe i could get in touch with one of my friends who's doing something like a matchmaking service, but for tutors and students. it'll mean giving up some fees as commission, but at least there'll be a guarantee of students, unlike the drought i'm facing now. alternatively, i could request for a re-broadcast of the tuition students request i made in december (still kicking myself over the poor timing). i'll see how it goes tomorrow.

well, that about covers what's been going on since the last post. looking forward, this weekend is shaping up to be pretty busy, which is good - especially since i've made up my mind to be more active. i just hope i don't burn out too quickly.

-random thought of the day: I'm running out of creative ways to end posts...-

My goodness...who knew that watching primary school kids bowl could be so tiring? i was already yawning (discretely, of course) three-quarters into the 1.5-hour lesson. lucky i received assurance that it was normal. bear in mind, this group only consisted of 24 kids, with 2 coaches to handle them. that's effectively puts me in charge of 12 energetic, mostly well-behaved upper primary children. worst thing is, i'm told that this group has the quieter kids. i can't even begin to imagine how my coach dealt with us back in cat high. he tells me the secret is discipline. guess i've been slacking too much, and for way too long. but as far as first sessions go, i think this one went ok. only feedback i got was that i could have done more. not the most morale-boosting thing to hear, but at least it wasn't direct condemnation.

walking through the sports school before and after training was quite an eye-opener. previously, the only glimpse of the complex i've had was of the swimming pools as i passed by on the expressway. to be inside the place really gives you a sense of how big it is. it also made me wonder how life as a sports school student would be like, and by extension, would i have liked/chosen to be in the sports school? it was founded when i was in sec 4, so i definitely missed that particular boat. still, after seeing a sample schedule for the students, my perception is that it is a slightly less regimental version of army. so...perhaps it's not for me. still, one can't help but wonder.

had dinner with (and bought dinner for) my cousin yesterday to sort of formalize the fact that he'll be flying off to australia. his flight's scheduled for 11:45pm tomorrow, which means that i'll probably be at the airport at 10pm or so to meet up with him one last time before he departs (that phrase sounds so much gloomier when taken out of context...) for kangaroo land. i'm still in semi-denial that he's going off to places not within driving range, actually. but the facts (and the packed suitcases at his place) don't lie. i just hope i'm not reduced to tears at the departure gate or anything like that. but on the bright side, it's not like i'll NEVER see him again. he'll be back in around 6 months or so, which is roughly around the time when i begin university. definitely have to make time to meet up when he comes back.

while browsing through my friends' blogs, i saw a post about NTU's new sports science degree. after reading the post, i actually paused for a while to reconsider my university options. on one hand, sports science is a fast-developing industry, with pretty good job prospects upon graduation. the fact that i'm sort of interested in it doesn't hurt the odds either. but then, it's at NTU. i really don't want to travel all the way there again, considering i've been doing it for 1.5 years while in sungei gedong. i'd go as far as to say that i'd do almost everything in my power to never go near the lim chu kang area again. furthermore, i'm already guaranteed entry into NUS for chemistry, which is something i like, and am good at. so, bottom line is that while i MAY consider taking sports science up in the future, my heart still belongs to chemistry. besides, i'm not about to reject NUS and waste time, money and feelings to apply for something which i may not even be accepted into, then waste even more of those 3 things to re-apply into NUS again in case things don't go well.

ok...that's all i have at this point of time. i'm still waiting for confirmation on whether there'll be another coaching session tomorrow (this one's private though), and whether everything will fit nicely into my schedule or not. i really hope it does.

-random thought of the day: I actually agreed to go to church!-

Looking at my facebook countdown application, i see that there are only 178 more days left until university begins for me. it's kind of shocking to see the first digit change from 2 to 1 (i had around 238 days when i began the countdown last year, just after ORD). for some reason, 2 months sounds a lot shorter than 60 days. i know they're essentially the same, but it's just a matter of perception.

seeing such a large chunk of time disappearing inevitably leads to a reflective mood. it gets me thinking about whether i've used my time well (answer: not always), and whether i've accomplished absolutely everything i had set out to do (answer: NO!). so, time to get a bit more into gear and begin doing thing i would otherwise not have time to do after school starts.

speaking of getting into gear, i just had my second driving lesson today. it went pretty well, definitely better than the previous one (though i got up bright and early for nothing). stalled the car thrice though (including once on the main road, no less! it's rather nerve-wracking to have taxis blasting their horns at you from behind). definitely have to work on my feeling and get even more familiarized with the car. maybe it comes with time? i certainly hope so. anyways, i won't have another lesson for a couple of weeks, because my instructor is going to china for a climbing/trekking expedition (i can't remember which...maybe both?). i'm a little worried that whatever (little) skill i've accumulated will be neutralized by the break. but, i shouldn't be looking so far ahead. for all i know, i might be a better driver after some time away from the wheel! only time will tell.

my week is starting to fill up. have to run some errands tomorrow, and most probably meet my cousin for either lunch/dinner before he flies off on thursday (if i can catch him, that is). wednesday is taken up by coaching, and i'll be going to the airport on thursday for reasons mentioned above. that leaves friday kind of free...maybe i can arrange something. either that, or slack at home. will have to see how my mood is on that day.

i borrowed a few books from the library the other day. one of them is about handwriting. more specifically, it's about analyzing handwriting (some samples belong to criminals and slightly siao people...eg. jack the ripper, charles manson, george bush etc.) and what certain strokes, formations, and other stuff that show up in your writing mean. i did a rather unprofessional analysis of my own writing (based on muscle memory and habit - read: i was too lazy to get up and actually write something), and discovered that i do use "resentment strokes", "check marks" and "X formations" in either my normal writing or signature. that's not good...not good at all. luckily none of the more serious formations show up in my script.

you know, i'm actually thinking of sending an email (in which my scanned handwriting sample is attached) to the author of the book, asking her to analyze my handwriting for me. i mean, no harm in asking, right? she writes a column that does exactly that, so why not give it a try? of course, i doubt she's ever had a request from singapore, so it would be interesting to see if she responds. or maybe i should send a letter via snail mail instead. it would probably more accurate, since it can show stuff like writing pressure, which the scanned copy can't. i think i'll give it a try sometime within the next 2 weeks. would be interesting to get an answer, and to see whether she's as spot-on as proclaimed.

earlier today, before driving, i watched my second Randy Pausch video. this one was about time management. the content was nothing i haven't heard before, but it was a good refresher, especially coming from someone who has very limited time to do a lot of stuff. came away with some useful tips and tricks too, like keeping an empty desk, getting a speakerphone (no plans for it in the near future), and standing up to make conversations shorter. the link to the video is here, and like last time, i will not do embedding for this video because it's 1.25 hours long as well.

oh. before i forget, i absolutely must blog about this. this past saturday, some of us from the alumni group were invited to an old boy's house for dinner. i swear, it was the best home-cooked dinner i've had in a while. i seriously thought the chicken rice was store-bought (just to clarify...it wasn't). yes, it was THAT good. it left me stuffed, and in a much greater need to run more regularly. food aside, one of the other positives is that i may have a new tuition student! he's in sec 4 this year, and is the son of one of the other old boys who was invited to the dinner. however, it seems unlikely that this deal will be sealed, because (1) he's in hwa chong. and as if that wasn't enough, (2) he's in GEP in hwa chong. so...though the chance that he will call me to arrange a tuition session is slimmer than the average tekko, there's no harm in me extending the offer.

someone in the neighbouring blocks has probably just bought a new karaoke system. either that, or the new year festive spirit hasn't worn off for him. i've been hearing "rhythm of the rain" every morning for the past few days. it's bearable (and a little amusing on good days), but i think some other family members aren't too pleased about it. oh well. it's just a pretty random observation which i'd thought i'd note down.

well, i think i'm just about done with this post. will probably be sleeping a little earlier to make up for getting up at the ungodly hour of 8:00am. see you all next time!

-random thought of the day: Time to get a new water bottle...-

Keeping myself busy is proving to be a challenge...

yesterday's coaching assignment got cancelled at the last minute (like 2 hours before it was due to begin) due to some contractual issues. this makes me think i was a little too hasty in proclaiming it to be a surety. guess i could do with a refresher on the number 1 rule my coach taught us back in secondary school: expect the unexpected. on the bright side, i got the information early enough to back-pedal and arrange for other stuff. as a bit of comfort, the school has confirmed that training will begin next wednesday, so i'd better treasure my last 5+ days of slacking.

according to my boss' briefing, it looks like expectations are really high. "one strike and you're out" kind of high. the whole dealing with kids thing is still posing some discomfort, but i figure the tips i've got will help me to wayang up something fairly decent. i just hope the kids won't (1) be traumatized or (2) die laughing, because either of those responses will get me booted in a big hurry. BUT...as i've said earlier, i will enjoy my remaining commitment-free days, and not worry prematurely about something that might not even be as bad as it seems.

driving's pretty much at a standstill until next week, too. it would be presumptuous of me to forget that my instructor is human too, and that he has a life of his own. long story short, incompatibilities in schedule have made it such that the very earliest lesson he was available for (and which i took up,) was on next monday morning. horrorfying. imagine driving around in peak-hour traffic. don't think that'll happen to me, but you never know. i'm both excited and a little terrified at the thought of driving again. guess i need more practice.

i've been doing a little comparison between my pre-NS and post-NS posts. seems like i use uncertain words, like "think", "guess", "probably" (to name a few) a lot more these days. if i had to come up with a theory for why this is so, i'd say that it was because certain superiors' unnecessary rank-pulling in army, combined with my insignificant status then, has led to the erosion of a significant amount of my self-assuredness. in army, giving your word that nothing will go wrong inevitably leads to extras, confinements and other rubbish when something does screw up. so, i'm usually very careful about giving my commitment that things will run smoothly. looks like's it's run over into civilian life too. but i suppose it's for the best. after all, a wrong confirmation might cost you your job, or worse. think legal action here. i should learn to be more confident, but not to the extent of promising others the impossible.

after my phone had its spazzing-out episode, i'm suddenly very paranoid about my incoming calls not being displayed; so much so that i use my house phone to call my mobile phone once every few days to check whether it's working as it should. sounds a bit lot crazy, but it's better than missing important calls (which leads to missing important appointments, like driving lessons). things like these make me wish i had done a bit more research on potential buys back in january, or that i had gotten a phone-phone, and not a PDA-cum-phone. but oh well. chinese saying: water that has been splashed out cannot be retrieved. so...chalk up another learning experience.

you know, since i *did* end up getting the omnia, i think i should make full (well, better, at least) use of its features. like the camera, for instance. i've barely taken 10 photos in the last 3/4 of a month! definitely could improve on that statistic. to think i used to consider myself a pretty avid (albeit amateur) photographer. should start taking more photos. my facebook and photobucket could use some sprucing up.

prior to starting this post, i was watching a youtube video. not just any youtube video though...this one had quite a significant lesson behind it. it was a talk by a certain Dr. Randy Pausch, who is known for his "last lecture", and unfortunately, has been deceased for a while already. to be quite honest, i don't know whether the video i watched was THE actual last lecture, or one of his other talks. what i do know is that his cancer was already at a pretty advanced stage at the time he was delivering this particular lecture. anyways, the message he put across was about realizing his (and our) childhood dreams, which later evolved into "how to live your life". personally, i find it amazing that he actually managed to achieve several of his dreams, especially the more impossible-sounding ones. i mean, how many people have aspired to experience zero gravity, and actually accomplished it? he did! it was a nice, humourous, heart-warming video, which can be found by clicking here. i'm not doing a direct video embedding like i normally do because the clip is 1.25 hours long (!), and i'm sure you don't want to stare at my nice blog template while waiting for it to load, right?

before i go, here are a couple of youtube videos for entertainment's sake:

isn't this song cute? go to its youtube page for lyrics!


something i've been listening to recently...

-random thought of the day: Time to catch my TV show!-

Just came back from my haircut not too long ago. personally, i think it looks not bad...definitely neater/tidier, but the front's a little too short for my liking. oh well. it'll grow out eventually. at least people can see the tops of my ears now.

in case you haven't heard, the reason i went to get a haircut is because there was the possibility of a coaching assignment tomorrow. well, that possibility had evolved into a certainty at 7:30pm. i'm scheduled to help out with coaching a primary school sometime tomorrow (that particular detail hasn't materialized yet, though it should be late morning to mid-afternoon). should be challenging, but fun. hopefully everything goes well and i make a good enough impression to be considered for future assignments.

oh. about the driving thing, i think i may have been to hasty in making the assumption that my instructor forgot to/didn't call me. reason i say this is because apparently, my phone has been misbehaving and not showing ANY incoming calls for the past few days (heaven knows why that happened...). lucky i happened to go out with my cousin for lunch today, and he alerted me to that problem, which was resolved by switching the phone off and on. looks like i have some apologizing and rescheduling to do. hopefully it hasn't set my progress back too far...although this delay, coupled with the fact that my instructor is going on a 14-day hiking trip later on in the month, could mean that my target of getting my license by may might be at risk. *touches wood*.

speaking of lunch, it was kind of surprising to be asked out by my cousin out of the blue. we went down to seoul garden at marina square, all because he had a craving. prior to this, i haven't been to seoul garden since the one at J8 closed, which has been about...8 to 9 years now? so, it was sort of a new experience all over again, and it reminded me why i don't really like eating there. it's because of the way the oil splashes around when water/soup is (accidentally, or sometimes purposely, as my cousin is prone to doing) dripped on the hot plate. managed to escape with no major injury; only a few painful souvenirs.

following lunch, we went to do a bit of shopping for a gift before heading to the hospital to visit my other cousin (his brother). latest news is that he has a sinus problem due to a broken nose caused by a hit from a softball back in JC. best part is, he didn't suspect anything until now, even though he could only breathe through one nostril. anyways, it'll require an operation, so the hospital stay (unfortunately) has to be lengthened.

i find it a little odd that my cousin (the one that met me for lunch) is going overseas to study. perhaps it's due to the fact that we've been close since a young age (we're related through both parents, he's only 4 days older than me, and as far as i can remember, i've spent almost all the school holidays staying over at his place). though we don't make special efforts to keep in touch during normal day-to-day life, he's usually available for a chat on the phone or a meet-up whenever the occasion arises. so...i guess that i'm finding the idea of not seeing him for 6 consecutive months or more might take some getting used to. i know there's various means of maintaining contact, such as overseas calls, skype, MSN, or even getting updates through his parents, but somehow, the feeling won't be the same as meeting him in person for a meal/drink/walk/whatever. i suppose i'd better arrange to meet him a few more times before he flies off next thursday.

look at the time...it's already 11:45! better end off here so that i don't miss my 12:00am show on channel 55 (which is a re-run of the 9:00pm show which i missed since i went for my haircut). probably will have to sleep after that...have to get my beauty sleep so i don't traumatize anyone tomorrow!

-random thought of the day: My delete key is prone to go on strike and refuse to work every now and then.-

I was originally scheduled to have a driving lesson today, but i think my instructor got his schedule a little mixed up. he told me that our next lesson was set for this morning, but he was preparing another student for the practical test when i called him at 9:40am. to think i got up bright and early at 8:45am! so far, i haven't received any word from him regarding a reschedule, so it's pretty much been a slack day today. what's new, right? now here's the sticky bit. should i be proactive and call him, risking a scolding? or wait for him to call me, and risk waiting even longer? i think i'll wait until wednesday. if nothing is heard by the time work ends, i'll call him.

went to visit my cousin yesterday. he's still in hospital, though he's shifted from east shore to gleneagles since the doctors that he's familiar with are mostly based there. my aunt says he'll be discharged tomorrow (optimistically), provided his scans come out ok. so, here's hoping they do and he gets to go back home soon.

my boss contacted me in-game earlier on (yes, he plays CoH too. in fact, he roped me into it!) to tell me that coaching might be on on wednesday. finally! after close to 2 months of bumming around, there's constructive stuff to do. hard to believe someone could get tired of slacking, no? the only little nagging worry i have right now is that the school won't approve of me being an assistant. that, in turn, will force me to go job hunting again, probably at a higher intensity than before since i don't have any offers/recommendations left. but i won't cross that bridge just yet. i figure there'll plenty of time to do that if the need arises.

in view of the fact that i'm going to start work soon, i figure it might be appropriate to go for a haircut. background info: i've let it grow out since mid/end-november last year. so, it's longer and, well, fluffier than it has been for the past 2 years. now, i've wanted to keep long hair since sec 3 or so, but my plans have been thwarted at various points in time by discipline masters, teachers, parents, relatives, and the singaporean weather, which forces me to cut my hair before i die of heatstroke. up till this point, i still don't understand how the majority of girls (and some guys) can stand to have long-enough-to-tie-up hair. don't their brains get fried? anyways, i'll probably get my hair thinned out a bit and have the edges tidied up too. shouldn't be as severe (read: short) as army. might even consider growing the back out.

speaking of post-army changes, the mosquitoes at home have found my blood to be better-tasting since ORD, as evidenced by the increased number of bites i'm getting. maybe it's the change in diet. either that, or it's mosquito season. maybe the mosquitoes are just happy to have me around a lot more? whatever the reason, it's getting annoying (and very itchy). hopefully it goes away with time.

around 2 weeks have passed since i've got my phone. it's still in pretty good condition, no major disfigurements or stuff like that. so far, the only things bugging me is that when i get an incoming call, the ringtone plays softly before rising to full volume, and that i can only snooze the alarm 5 times. the first one is easily overlooked, but the second is causing some headache, since i usually snooze my alarm 10 times or more while half-asleep. given enough time and the bo-pian-ness of the situation, i figure i'll be able to reprogram my semi-conscious instincts.

while watching TV just now, i saw the channel 8 advertisement where the baby responds to the little nyonya theme music. it reminded me of another commercial i saw yesterday at the hospital, the one where they were promoting the little nyonya DVDs (or was it VCDs? one or the other, anyway). so far, i don't remember any other channel 8 show getting its own DVD/VCD. to quote glenn ong and the flying dutchman's words over the radio about a month ago, "wow...they're really coconut-milking this one." heh.

my initial plan was to go out today, to run a few errands and maybe borrow a library book or two. so far, the persistent grey clouds in the sky are giving me second thoughts. maybe the sky will look better when night falls? that might give me enough reassurance to go out without the fear of melting in the rain. but somehow, knowing myself too well, i think i'll push it to tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Need to update my budget spreadsheet.-