It's over. both literally and metaphorically. chinese o's result was decided in 3.5 hours or so. and most unfortunately, due to several stupid mistakes and some things i completely didn't know, i'll have to say the best is around B3, A2 if lucky.

well, now that that's over, we have to look ahead. english prelim oral tomorrow, and i'm feeling rather good about it. confident of a...32/40? i'm really not too sure, but i believe.

-thingy of the day: I couldn't wait for success, so I went on ahead without it. Jonathan Winters-

3 more days. time really flies. a while ago, the words "chinese o's" were said by my (not-so)worried cousin. and now it's my turn. bu i think i can clinch an A2 or an A1 if i'm really lucky.

just wanted to share something:

To see a World in a Grain of Sand,
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower.
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand,
And Eternity in an hour.

- William Blake, In Imagination

that's all for today...now let's get back to mugging.

-thingy of the day: Refer to the 4 lines above.-

What a night.

CHMA's over and done with. many wonderful performances put up, although it was quite a shock (to me) that Melody didn't win the group vocals, and that Justin Jap won the solo vocals and best overall performer.

so...congratulations to Bleached, Berwyn, Justin and Ecnerret for winnign the prize in their respective categories, although some of the other performers deserved the prize as well. but then again, i'm not a judge, nor do i have the qualifications to be one, so i guess the verdict stands. however, everyone put up a valiant effort, and i suppose we can't all be winners.

i don't know why, but i have this strong emotion after watching all the performances. it's one of those indescribable feelings where you don't know whether you're happy, sympathetic, sad, angry or jealous. i'm thinking that it's a mixture of all of the above, but so well-disguised until you can't differentiate it. in short, it's this really irritating thing that won't go away.

chinese looms ominously ahead of me (and all of the lower CL sec 4s). it's happening in like...5 days? and i simply don't understand the shouts for "half day!!!" which came from the majority of these sec 4s. ah well. everyone was caught up in the moment at that time. can't really blame them.

photos will be up by 5pm tomorrow, at my imagestation (hint: look in my links). and the feeling's still there.

-thingy of the day: Shouting your voice hoarse at the side of the school hall is worth it. Especially when your friends on stage hear you.-

Sports night yesterday. kinda fun, actually. last one that i'll be a part of. finally got my hair done in yellow. *consider yellow/blonde as a hair-dye option* it was quite...sad. last year in school and we got second. but again, i got possessed to help in the cheering. wanted to do my last bit for the house i guess...

over the last 4 years, sports day has meant sitting under the sun, watching people run and generally meeting new people from different levels. but i think it's more than that. it's only when you're in sec 4 that you really want to win, because there's no "try again next year" for you. it applies for almost anything - nationals, cross country, sports day...and when you don't win, you just feel horrible.

btw. did i mention that kee yong's rendition of the school song is actually not that bad?

-thingy of the day: To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.-

And there were 11 days left. to what else? the smaller o. the big one comes in about 6 months...or less. the first week of chinese intensive is over, leaving me feeling *quite* confident about paper 1. next week is all about paper 2, and it's being held after recess, or so i'm told.

tomorrow should be pretty fun. first time in secondary school there's something like an afternoon session. and did i mention that there's DOUBLE CHEM first thing in school? fun. hopefully the prac's on QA. better than titration. then there's chinese to add on to the happiness, and after that it's all spoilt by history. oh well. but sports evening should be interesting.

-thingy of the day: Seiten Taisei Son Goku!!!!-

This lousy excuse for a computer died on me yesterday while i was trying to blog, so here's what was supposed to be yesterday's post:

"Every day is a new beginning." like hell it is. hbk tried to brainwash us again, but i guess he failed. not much brainwashing can be done in half an hour. i know all about the whole "hunger for success" thing, but it still doesn't really appeal to me. i know it sounds like i'm really gonna die for the upcoming o's, but i feel a little more confident. maybe it's the mass lectures.

resisting tempation is tough, but the feeling of saitsfaction makes up for it and any regrets that may follow. that it does.

-thingy of the day: "So here we stand, unafraid of the future, at the beginning with you..."-

and now for today's post.

Softball's really rising fast in the school. i suppose mr goh (not kee yong) isn't the asst. national coach for nothing. even rgs is stopping by to play. the reputation's building.

for all those CCHMS people, this is a notice that your ex-VP is now wearing glasses. imagine that. tell your friends. spread the news. ^__^

this is the last lap of the race. time to find that second wind.

-thingy of the day: Resisting temptation becomes easier the longer you stay away from it.-

Letting Go

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off....
It is the realization that I can't control another.....

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
it is to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcome,
but to allow others to affect their own destiny.

To let go is not to be protective,
It is to let another face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings then to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for today.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

i guess it's time for me to let go of some things. some thoughts, some feelings, some mindsets, and most sadly, some friends. it's not that they've been bad friends to me, nor is it because i've been a lousy friend (at least i hope not), but it's mainly because the distance between us isn't working. nobody can have 100% close friends; some friends are best kept by just a simple "hi" along the corridor, or a short conversation at a bus stop. not all friends want you to be around them 24/7, and you don't want all your friends crowding around you all the time.

thus, i feel it's time for me to distance myself from certain people. i hope that these people, should they come to know about it, will not think of me as any less of a friend, but rather, think of this as a break of sorts. i really seek their understanding. oh well. some things in life were never meant to be. this is one of those things.

on a happier note, there's been a major template edit. i know the picture may appear out of place, beacuse i'm trying to optimize this for 1024X768 resolution, and my condemned machine won't support it. the 100% perfect version should be available by the time the week's up. and i'm replacing the mp3 with a midi for now. if anyone wants the mp3 back, please tag.

~thingy of the day: Carpe Diem - Seize the Day.~

They say that we are given 2 eyes in front of our heads so that we always look forward. however, we can sometimes turn our necks and look back. but not for too long, though. otherwise we get sore muscles.

now that almost all the prelim 1 results are known, it's time for a litle reflection/analysis.

EL: should have been more careful with the compre. might have passed that section if it wasn't for some inadequately-explained answers and the evilness of the marker. quite satisfied, but could have done way better. particularly proud of long essay.

CL: like i said, miracles do happen. B3. 64.5. i'm actually rather happy with this one; was expecting an E8 or at best a C5. too bad my long essay was slightly out-of-point, while i lost marks for stupid things in both P2 and functional, not to mention the horrible oral exam.

Maths: well, i wasn't expecting a 50, but it came. so sad. should have gotten higher. must learn from this experience.

Amaths: to quote Johnny English's assistant, Bough, "There's been a most monumental...cock-up." careless, plain and simple. need to watch out for possible tricks in questions for both maths.

Physics: another disappointment. but then again, i was expecting it because i literally know nuts about electricity. oh well. need to spend more time here.

Chem: this one i'm proud of. only A1 in class. need to maintain the standard, and work on the practical paper.

Goeg/SS: quite happy. first ever comb. humans pass. but can do better.

History: not enough content. need to read more and choose questions wisely.

~thingy of the day: The best way to learn is to teach.~

Most significant devotion story ever. for those of you who have no clue what you missed today, here's a quick rundown:

Mr Lee, the best chem teacher ever (that's irrelevant at this point), went up to give his devotion today. here's a slightly modified version. blame poor memory.

"<greetings> I am a Chemistry teacher, so I will talk about something related to Chemistry. When I was a young student many years ago, I was taught by a great Chemistry teacher. It was impossible to fall asleep in his lessons, and he could teach an entire chapter in 15 minutes. Everybody tried to squeeze into his lectures and tutorials; his classroom would be full of people. He got me so interested in Chemistry that I wanted to become a great teacher like him.

So one day, I went up to this master and asked, "Sir, if I want to be as great a teacher as you, how long will it take?" He casually told me, "10 years." Then I asked him again, "Sir, what if I worked twice as hard? If I slept holding my Periodic Table, camped in the labs and studied for many hours a day?" Now, most of you would expect the answer to be 5 years right? Wrong. He then said "20 years."

Now, this great master is retired. Sometimes, on weekends, I still meet him on the golf course. I'm sure if I asked him the question now, he would say, "All of your life." Because when you reach a certain level of success, you will work even harder to improve." Then he shared a bible quote (from Psalms, i believe), and ended with "God bless, and thank you."

after his conclusion, the whole school gave him a round of applause. this time, the teachers didn't tell us to grow a few brain cells and stop, but some even joined in. Mr Lee's story was really inspirational. for some reason, i couldn't stop smiling after i heard it.

when we first heard about this master, we thought he was describing his own lessons, as they are like that as well. later, during chem class, we found out that this master was real. while waiting for the lesson to begin, i asked him, "Mr Lee, what if i told you i wanted to be the third chem master? how long would that take?" in his typical good humour, he replied, "What if i say 'Never'?" of course, it was a joke (or so i hope ^__^""), because i meant 100% seriousness on the question.

truly inspirational.

~thingy of the day: Just three words...Continue the Legacy.~

Physics prac. everything went sommothly until after the exam. realized I'd bombed the experiment design. highest possible mark (estimate): 12/15. stupid. should have been more careful. the word "rehostat" didn't even come out once in my report, when it should have appeared thrice at least.

i hate this. after every exam, i always go, "damn. should have been more careful. damn. stupid mistake. damn, sure F9."
well, THIS MUST STOP. i want to walk out of the o-level exam hall, laughing and saying, "wow. easiest paper ever. if i don't get an A1, i'll jump off a 15-storey high building." and be prepared to do it. i want that level of confidence in about 5 to 6 of my subjects, if not all. and to get this type of confidence, i guess i'll just have to work for it.

~thingy of the day: Scientists have discovered a food that reduces women's sex drive by almost 90% - wedding cake.~

Ladies and gentlemen: i have reached a conclusion with regards to the elusive ion present in today's chem prac's solution P. it's ammonium. and i stupidly wrote iodide. but then again, i didn't even think of ammonium then, so that's a tiny form of consolation. my reasons are simple: they asked us to heat the bloody thing after adding sodium hydroxide to it. and i clean forgot/it didn't occur to me that heating is a test for ammonium. stupid stupid stupid. the supposedly-brown solution after adding H2O2 was due to the iron (II) being oxidised to iron (III). and i thought the gas evolved was water vapour, when it was actually ammonia. too bad i didn't smell it. so my estimation for this round of prac is...16/22. not too bad, but not too good either.

physics prac tomorrow. should be able to scrape a pass at least, but aiming for 13/15 for both.

and i'm convinced. miracles do happen. i actually got a B3 for the chinese prelim. despite my paper 1, 2 and everything else screwin up, i pulled off. lucky lucky.

~thingy of the day: "It must be the fairies again..." -Laguna, FFVIII~

Wow...big change around here, no? but i suppose it's all for the best. sure it might take some getting used to, but i believe it's easy to adapt to it. for those non-blogger users, i'm talking about the layout of the site. there may be no difference when you view a blog, but there *is* a difference to the authors of blogger blogs when they write posts.

today was simply...wrong. english paper 2 came back. 7/25 for compre, 14.5/25 for summary. 21.5 total. this means that my compo/functional must get a total of 28.5 JUST FOR A PASS. this is so screwed up. to think i was aiming for a 3 or a 4. well, it's all gone. ALL BLOODY GONE. whoopee.

on a brighter note, chem prac tomorrow. for prelim 2. QA. should be able to score. i really can't screw this one up. don't know what to say any more.

~thingy of the day: To be successful, you must provide a product or service that is in high demand.~

Well, the chem paper's put me in a slightly better mood...unfortunately, it won't be able to cover for the remaining subjects.

i can't believe my physics score. 53. talk about unexpected. to think i was hoping for a 68. then again, what can i expect? i screwed the electricity section up.

it's time to give up. really. chinese o's is in...23 days? i've lost any confidence that i *might* have acquired over the past few months. even though it most likely won't be in my L1R5, i still have to do well.

everything's going downhill from here.

~thingy of the day: Success is the art of staying happy while you're forced to do the things you hate.~

So...most of my predictions were right...but to the lower end of the range. of the subjects i got back, maths might scrape a pass, amaths bombed, geog scraped a pass, don't know about ss, and i'll be getting chem tomorrow. joy...or not.

~thingy of the day: There's no limit to what a man can achieve if he doesn't care who gets the credit. ~

My internet's screwing up, causing all my posts to die before they're published properly. so i'd better make this short and sweet.

bombed amaths, maths and chinese. barely passed elec geog. hoping for a pass in physics, ss and history. confident about chem, confident to a lesser degree about english. that about sums it up.

mr. Bobby Yong's lesson was kinda fun, but not as entertaining as dm toh's. don't know why, but it's mainly the male teachers who are able to bring life into lessons. and dm's taking the auditorium session tomorrow. fun fun fun.

basically, everything's good. except for academics.

~thingy of the day: It's all gone...~

Damn i feel sick. my nose is blocked up, yet dripping with water (yes, H2O) at the same time. seriously freaky. panadol's magical-make-you-feel-better-in-minutes flu remedy isn't helping...though it does taste good with honey added. ^__^ i think i may call in sick tomorrow...hope they don't check prelim papers that soon. ahh heck. even if they *do* check the papers, i'm a goner anyway. maybe i've been staying up too late. don't know why, but i feel like roaring really loudly. but i doubt it's possible, breathing impediment and all.

well, prelim 1's over at any rate, and that's a blessing. now for an expected grades thingy:

EL: B4 to A2
CL: E8 to C5
Maths: C6- B3
Amaths: C6 to B4
History: D7 to B4
Geog/SS: D7 to C5
Chem: B3 to A1
Phys: C5 to A2

that pretty much sums it up...i should think about 75% of my predictions will come true. hopefully they come true towards the higher end. the best L1R5 possible (using the predictions) is...16, while the worst is...25. so on average, i'd say my predicted L1R5 is a...23. of course, i'm being optimistic here. now time to try and sleep off the flu.

~thingy of the day: Goku's constant hunger is mainly due to the fact that he didn't eat for 500 years.~

Now that i have access to better facilities, i feel like i'd better do a longer, more detailed post.

well...a flu's really setting in. my nose's all blocked up and stuff. oh well. people in the lee family are more susceptible to flus and other nose-related illnesses. other than that, for those who still care enough, i'm feeling ok.

but i screwed up the chinese prelim. my long essay's flown out of the window for sure, and i think my paper 2 will follow. but to hell with it. at most i'll just leave chinese out of my L1R5. but then again, i want my o-level cert to look good. nothing below b4. and chinese o's in about...30 days?? wahoo.

aside from academics, life's generally good, or so i believe. everything's working out the way it should. treasure this moment of peace while it lasts, for monday bring the submittal of the maths files.

I kinda repaid my sleep debt...slept from 2300 last night to 1400 today. feeling much better and at peace with the world...except for a tiny bit of flu.

if i can get a 25 for the prelim, i'll say i'm lucky as hell. but knowing the various screw-ups i made, i'd say a 30 is closer to my score. so sad.

~thingy of the day: Happy labour day!!~