*AHHH MORONIC.* blogger ate my post. actually, it's not blogger's fault. it's this stupid popup thing by this screwed up other thing called netvenda. i'll try to regurgitate everything that was on the screen previously.

firstly, it's friday. the sense of relief is overwhelming, almost as much as after the last o-level paper. conclusion - i'm too high-strung. to a casual observer, those words sound inappropriate (not to mention funny) coming from a CJ student. however, what they don't see is our schedules, late dismissal times, and amount of work, which are the main sources of stress. i was in such a good mood that i felt like singing from outside my classroom, and i did. some people told me they could hear me from across the school, near the pond. oh well. it was fun, and i wouldn't hesitate to do it again, unless some evil people (certain teachers) were there.

on the way home, i stopped by the popular in junction 8. that's where i witnessed something that just about spoiled an otherwise relatively perfect day. a girl, about kindergarten age, was asking her mother to buy a pen for her friend. but the mother refused, and for the stupidest reason. their conversation went something like this (roughly translated from chinese):

Kid: Can you buy this pen for my friend?
Mother: Why?
Kid: It's his birthday...
Mother: Did he give you anything for your birthday?
Kid: No...
Mother: Then there's no need to get anything for him.

the first thought that came to my mind was 'selfish bitch'. i mean, that pen was priced at $2.50 at the most. how can someone be so stingy? it's for a birthday, for crying out loud. it's not like the amount of money would cost 10 years' salary. and so what if he didn't give the girl a present? obviously, the mother has never heard that it's better to give than to receive. i'm amazed that she still has this kind of mentality, even at her age. it's amazing that her kid has more wisdom that her.

perhaps the greatest irony was that throughout this entire scene, i was standing next to a sign promoting the new book that was specially published for the 40th national day. it proclaimed that "this book will show that singapore and singaporeans are vibrant, caring...", or something to that effect. basically, it was a summary of all the lines that we know so well thanks to SS and NE. at that point, i looked up at the sign, then back to the mother, and thought 'bullshit'. however, the mother eventually relented and bought the pen. while i suspect that it was because their not-that-soft conversation had been overheard by others, and she wanted to save face, i'd like to give her the benefit of doubt and think that she changed her mind out of the kindness of her own heart.

while still on the topic of moronic bitches, i'd like to say that SOMEONE has been reorganizing my clothes. i'd also like to ask this. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL FOR!!??" now, all the clothes that i wear most often are hidden out of reach, and stuff that i haven't touched for 5 years or more (no exaggeration) are all stacked up towards the front, providing a rather big obstruction. i have to dedicate some time to repacking everything really soon.

also, my space where i store my personal items has been violated by people deciding that it's too messy and needs to be so neat that everything must be just-so perfect. i'll say this once. KEEP YOUR FUCKING HANDS TO YOURSELF. I DECIDE WHETHER IT NEEDS TIDYING OR NOT. why? BECAUSE IT'S *MINE*, YOU BLOODY MORON. i believe that if it's not broken, don't fix it. and if i can tolerate it, you can too as well. moron. you say i won't regret anything when you die. wrong. i'll regret you didn't die earlier. i honestly feel like stabbing you with a rusted trident soaked in liberal amounts of brazillian tree frog venom.

oh yes. on the way to school this morning, i heard the DJ of some radio station say that we were already 170++ days into the year. the realization was simply stunning. that's practically more than half the year gone!! oh my. where does the time fly? half of my J1 life is over already. of course, that's assuming i won't repeat the year.

also, there's this notice on the CJC bus stop that advertises a new bus service, called bus 57. guess what? it links from bukit merah, depot road, harbourfront MRT, bukit timah, toa payoh, to bishan interchange. now guess what? SAJC's located near depot road, and if i had stayed there, i would have a direct bus home. maybe it's a sign. well, if it is, it's LONG overdue. but that's not going to make my stand waver. CJC's the place for me. and to think i wanted out of there ASAP in term 1. funny how life always seems to win.

-thingy of the day: "The only people who think about money more than the rich are the poor."-

This marks my 425th post. looking back on some of my previous posts, especially those done within the first 4 months of this blog's existence, i wonder if i was drunk or on drugs while writing those. i bet that if i was to look back on my current posts in the future, i'd probably think the same thing.

there is a particular reason why i'm mentioning my old posts and generally getting nostalgic, and that's because my blog is officially 2 years old!! actually, its official birthday is july 25th, so i'm 2 days late. the past 2 years of blogging have really been fun. but on a deeper level, it's been therapeutic, more so than i realize now. i think that if there had not been this "pressure release valve" (sorry, this is the best analogy i can come up with) , i would have killed myself 500 times over. in a way, blogging has saved my life, and enriched it too.

today's workload is just horrendous. econs project/tutorial, physics project/tutorial, chem project, project work, and chinese (i think). ARRRRRRGH so annoyed. i want to throw darts at anything that pisses me off. sadly, i'm unable to do so because it'll probably kill a few people. besides, i don't have darts. . . -__-""""

ooooooook. anyway, i'd better get started on my work. before i go, here's a song i highly recommend. go download it!!

Savage Garden - The Best Thing

Never want to fly
Never want to leave
Never want to say what you mean to me
Never want to run
Frightened to believe
You're the best thing about me

Sometimes I feel like this is only chemistry
Stuck in a maze searching for a way to
Shut down turn around feel the ground beneath me
You're so close where do you end where do I begin?
Always pushing and pulling

Sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me
I'm in a daze stumbling bewildered
North of gravity head up in the stratosphere
You and I roller coaster riding love
You're the center of adrenaline
And I'm beginning to understand

Never want to fly
Never want to leave
Never want to say what you mean to me
Never want to run
Frightened to believe
You're the best thing about me

Walk on broken glass make my way through fire
These are the things I would do for love
Farewell peace of mind kiss goodbye to reason
Up is down the impossible occurs each day
This intoxication thrills me
I only pray it doesn't kill me

Never want to fly
Never want to leave
Never want to say what you mean to me
Never want to run
Frightened to believe
You're the best thing about me

You're the center of adrenaline
And I'm beginning to understand
You could be the best thing about me

*Never want to fly
Never want to leave
Never want to say what you mean to me
Never want to run
Frightened to believe
You're the best thing about me

You could be the best thing about me
What if you're the best thing about me?

*Repeat to fade

-thingy of the day: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana-

I feel old. not physically, but mentally. ooook...maybe not old, but weary. i'm tired of the same boring cycle, day after day. it's just school, home, work. nothing really new or fresh. i need some excitement - you know, just to break away from the neverending repetition.

oh. did i mention i wrote a song? well, not exactly, but the idea's been floating in my head since secondary school days. the main idea is that two people are saying goodbye on a pier. why a pier? i don't know either. i have a bit of the tune and 3/4 of the first verse written, but it's nothing much. to be perfectly honest, i don't even know what the chorus sounds like. then again, it's not like i'm pursuing a serious songwriting career, so it can stay in my head a little longer, until i'm ready to show it to the rest of the world. and that may be in the vicinity of the next 15 years...or never.

a scary thought hit me last night. 3 more years, and our age will begin with 2!! kind of random, but yes. i can't imagine telling someone that i'm 19, let alone 21. still, scary as it is, it *is* kind of thrilling. to me, being 20 and above opens many doors. both legal, emotional, and possibly physical(?). but anyway, that hurdle is still a fair distance away, so it'll be on backburner for quite a while.

i really should be doing maths and econs right about now. but screw it - tomorrow's a short day. quite a bit of lectures too. so it looks pretty slack. yay for me. ah well. better get running. still have econs to clear.

-thingy of the day: "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him how to fish and you get rid of him on weekends."-

Blogging in school for the first time in quite a while. it's kind of fun actually.

so, today didn't turn out to be as bad as expected. in fact, it's good. way better than all the days so far in the week. example: i'm free now because we finished physics early and i get to slack off. it feels considerably...lighter than before. maybe it's because the weekend's approaching. but now, i feel as if i don't have a care in the world, and not even the prospect of the 2-hour detention can ruin that. funny how life works. i guess i've finally hit rock bottom, and there's nowhere to go but up. *big grin*

-thingy of the day: Nothing now, have to be back in class in 10 mins' time.-

*hugs blog* Sorry i've been neglecting you for the past few days. now that my apology's done, let's get back to the post.

i can't seem to find the right words to describe my feelings now. it's a bit of happy, a bit of sad, a bit of annoyed, a bit of afraid, and a bit of uncertainty. what's worse, i don't know where all the negative emotions are coming from. i think i need a break. or a month-long trip to Japan.

after doing some R&R - reflection and repentance (not quite repentance, actually) - i've come to the conclusion that my daily routine is severely screwed up. i sleep after midnight, and as a result, i wake up at around 6:45. really amazing how i can get to school on time so ofter (been late only once). seeing that i'm not getting sufficient sleep, and that i'm not focusing 100% during school, i've decided to make a resolution - sleep by 11:10, wake up at 6:20. that way, i'll get at least 7 hours of sleep and not feel like dying in the mornings.

oh. i forgot to mention that i got book 6 of harry potter. actually, i've finished reading it. calling it "unexpected" would be not as great an understatement as with the previous book, but there were still some pretty shocking twists, as well as an extremely sad ending. i wonder how book 7 will be like, and when it will be released. hopefully it's by year-end next year, but i don't know. book 5 was released around start-mid 2004 right?

i realize that i have quite a bit of work undone. yay. or not. let's see. there's econs, maths, chinese and physics tomorrow. need to do differentiation 2, essay intro, some chinese, and bring lots of money. putting it like this, it seems so draggy. and guess what? it probably will be. and there's a 2-hour detention for being late on tuesday. what a way to end the week.

-thingy of the day: "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." Gandhi-

Allrighty. i'll make this really quick because i still have maths and econs.

- stress is killing me

- listening was really easy. for the first time in my life, i feel confident of 10/10

- internet's dying. have to hurry.

- i got a magic 8-ball!! so cool. been wanting one since i was 12.

- more scary dancing tomorrow, with training after that.

- something tells me that tomorrow will be more screwy than all of the mental patients in the world put together.

- i'm crazy for taking 4 subs.

- have to be online less often to make time for studying.

bye!!

-thingy of the day: "Good painters copy 100%. Bad ones copy 99%."-

11:00pm on a sunday, and all i have accomplished over the weekend is my NYAA Tinggi report and the project work EOM. i am seriously behind in my work. still have econs to do, and something tells me it won't be completed. for the final time, to make myself feel better, my grades are A C C O C6 C5. it's a C average, one grade lower than my goal. once again, i'm not too happy, but not too sad either. i've done better than others, and worse than others as well.

my NYAA diary is due for submission tomorrow. yay. that's one significant load off my mind. *sings* but then, it's like the hydra effect. cut off one of the evil homework monster's heads, and many more heads grow to take its place. sometimes, i think i should publish a book titled "the analogies of a bored student (which are very useful and accurate for describing common scenarios seen in the home or at school)". it's bound to be a bestseller, that is if people aren't put off by the long, ridiculous title.

while there is more stress than ever, i'm not inclined to talk about it now as the blogging spirit departed early. oh well. listening compre tomorrow. let's go for 10/10.

-thingy of the day: I'm addicted to Steps (the band)!!-

My confirmed grades are ACCO, and a C6 for chinese. GP is being witheld until around next week, i think. i'm hoping for a B. although i'm not too optimistic. judging from my grades so far, i'm expecting a C. ACCCCO would be kind of fun. and frankly, scary. the only target i hit was my chem A. the O for maths was really unexpected, and this means i'll have to mug more for maths.

there's this dance we're supposed to learn for some fundraising thing. it's pretty embarassing, and we have to perform it in public. on the bright side, there'll be many CJC people embarassing themselves together, so it won't be that bad. but seriously, the dance steps are...unconventional, to say the least. and i don't know how i'll find the courage to perform them in public.

one other thing. i get extremely annoyed wen people rearrange my stuff. even though it looks neater, i still prefer MY OWN ORGANIZATIONAL METHOD!!! how long will this fact take to sink into their heads!!?? gah. so irritating.

today's update will be cut short because i still have several things (EOM, functions) to settle. so bye.

-thingy of the day: Blue clashes with red.-

Tuesday, 12 july. funny how all the significant not-so-good events in my life happen on the 12th of the month. i wouldn't say today was horrible, although i wouldn't say it was perfect either. Judo was...rather surprising, yet expected. surprising in the sense that the girls got second, not first. i was half-expecting it, but i didn't foresee the matches being quite this short. in case anyone wants to know, we lost 5-0. it was really quite wasted because i thought we could at least push to 4-1, 3-2, or even win. as for the guys, we managed to squeeze one victory from HCI, but they got the remaining 4. not that astonishing, really, since the some of the players were predicting 5-0.

but still, i believe we put up a commendable fight, and that the players really deserved every single medal and trophy they got, as well as the dinner subsidy from the teachers. now, if we could continue like this next year, and give all the other schools a run for their money. it's been said that we'll have an extremely tough time, not against HCI but RJC. apparently, next year's team is going to be so strong we'll cry. even then, i believe nothing's impossible, and we will do our best to overcome the odds.

speaking of Judo, i'm starting to feel that my targets are...inadequate, to say the least. some of the other guys are going on and on about how they'll do this and that in order to replace so-and-so in next year's lineup so that they can use the strategy they've devised against some other person from some other school, all just to bring the gold to CJC. yet, all i'm doing is just giving myself a vague "train harder", which can mean very different things to different people. also, a senior said something which (i think) struck something deep within me. in a nutshell, he said that i have to improve my fighting spirit. i have no choice but to admit that he's absolutely right. i give up certain things too easily, especially when the road to the destination is perilous. this is something i have to work on, because it'll benefit me greatly later on in life.

sadly, something really makes me feel like giving up now. namely - my grades. as far as i know, i have an O in maths, an A in chem, and around a C for econs. now all i need is the D in physics to spell "ODAC" with my grades. *touches wood* but seriously, i hope my physics does better than a D. i really need all the marks i can get now because i don't know what my promos will be like. what really caught me off guard was the O in maths. no matter how badly i did, i was expecting above 45 at least. hopefully 2 marks will appear through a miracle of some sort. but luckily chem got an A. if not, i would *really* be at a loss. i'm still wondering about my GP and chinese though. my guesses are B3 or B4 and C6 or D7 respectively. i don't know what boss will tell my parents at the coming PTM. i don't think it'll be anything too negative, or too positive, for that matter. possibly somewhere in the middle. oh well. that bridge is still quite far down the road. i'll cross it later.

tomorrow's wednesday. that means early dismissal. i guess i'll have to come home ASAP to work on my NYAA diary. must finish up to 3.5 days tomorrow. about 900 words per day. that's about 3150 words, or a little bit less than 3 chapters of fanfiction. doesn't seem to be that big of a problem. i can do it.

-thingy of the day: Signs may not always be accurate.-

e·qui·lib·ri·um
n. pl. e·qui·lib·ri·a

A condition in which all acting influences are cancelled by others, resulting in a stable, balanced, or unchanging system.

Mental or emotional balance; poise.

Physics - The state of a body or physical system at rest or in unaccelerated motion in which the resultant of all forces acting on it is zero and the sum of all torques about any axis is zero.

Chemistry - The state of a chemical reaction in which its forward and reverse reactions occur at equal rates so that the concentration of the reactants and products does not change with time.

Economics - Balance, for example when demand equals supply.

-Source: Dictionary.com

Equilibrium. that word has many definitions, as can be seen above. recently, i've discovered that i've come to detest this word quite a bit. it's haunting me in 3 of my 6 subjects, and may cross over to GP as well. quite scary. too bad that the definition that i need, "Mental or emotional balance; poise.", is the ONLY definition that does not apply to me. *sighs*

turns out that mondays are not my day. this usually translates to the start of a really bad week. even though today was not that good, i have the feeling that the rest of the week won't be so bad. it'd better not be. Judo finals tomorrow. we need all the support (and luck) we can get.

suddenly, the blogging mood is gone. oh well. until next time, i have some functions questions awaiting.

-thingy of the day: Blogging is almost as good as retail therapy.-

It's now about 10pm on a sunday. this means that a whole new week of school begins in about 8 hours, and that i should probably be sleeping now. and yet, here i am, blogging.

over the past 3-4 days, quite a bit has happened. firstly, CJC Judo is in the finals, for both guys and girls. however, CJC Judo is facing HCI in the finals, for both guys and girls. this means that the guys will most likely lose, and i don't know about the girls. this isn't being mean, just realistic. even the big boss has admitted that "we are as ready as we can be", and so, i'm hoping against hope that the guys can pull off a miracle.

while on the topic of Judo, i've obtained the CJC Judo shirt!! it's dry-fit, and looks petty good, if i do say so myself. it's basically white, and the design's quite difficult to describe. maybe i'll take a photo (...or two...or five) and put it up here.

the second thing that's happened is the NEMO outing. it feels so good to finally see the people that went again. even though it's only been *counts* less than or about a month since the pre-u seminar, so much has happened in our lives. and it's great for chatting material. it's nice to see that there's still that special chemistry/bond between us. it's even nicer to see that we're making an effort to stick together, such as by organizing a national day outing.

with regards to school, all i can say is that i'm not used to the whole "get students to study over the june break so we can kill them and not let them have a chance to rest before lessons begin again" idea. i think this is because for the past 10 years of my education, it's always been "kill the students and let them have a month off, then kill them once more with the results". but we alll have to adapt. sadly, i'm not shifting gears fast enough. something tells me that i'm going to be swamped by all the backlog again. however, i'll change that by this term. that much i promise.

i still have yet to get started on the NYAA diary yet. oh my. my self-imposed deadline, 15 july, ie. this friday, is drawing ever closer. the only way i see myself meeting it is if i do 1.5 days of writing or so for every day of the week. but that's still not bad. the bad part is the around-5000 word mark i have to make. seems impossible, but i have to apply myself. maybe this is the "last step" that yesterday's horoscope was talking about. i'll never know for sure.

so that's it. this is almost everything that's happened so far. next week looks stressful, with 4 days' worth of lessons (skipping tuesday for Judo finals), and results coming back on wednesday. and the (not-so) good thing about this is, as the year goes on, it gets progressively worse.

-thingy of the day: Savage Garden songs give you fanfiction ideas.-

It really shows when you don't go for training for a very long time. like today, which was my frst training in a month and a week. man, the amout of acumulated rust was amazing. luckily i've managed to shake a good bit of it off. but i'm still nowhere good enough for nationals. hopefully that will change by next year.

a negative effect of missing so much training is that your endurance level drops. by quite a lot. have to work on rebuilding that as well. also to be done by nationals' time next year.

"Your primary goal is well within your reach, and much closer than it ever has been. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to take the one final step to ensure your success." -Friendster horoscope.

i wonder what that means. and with respect to which aspect of my life? i don't see how this applies to me at all. but oh well. horoscopes are enigmatic because it enables each person to interpret it the way they want to.

-thingy of the day: Nothing today.-

Somebody stab me with a rusty fork. i totally screwed up oral. and it was the real thing - AO chinese oral, not practice. arrgh. reading was a total flop, but conversation was better. so annoying. i hope that this year won't be a repeat of june 2004. must study hard for chinese. don't want to retake it next year.

school's back in full swing again. i'm unaccustomed to moving this quickly. apparently, word is flying around the school that all our mid-year results are not as good as expected. seems that life is full of pessimism now.

-thingy of the day: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.-

Blogging under stress is beneficial, but the pressure reflects in your entry. take yesterday's post for example. it should have been monday, 4th july, not 3rd.

however, i think my stress levels will be reduced by quite a substantial amount due to the fact that EXAMS ARE OVER!!! glory glory. speaking of exams, i think my maths paper is shot. come to think of it, so is NE. i sort of knew there were quite a lot of things that i didn't know, but i didn't expect it to amount to this much. oh well. seeing as CJC is the only school that i know of that actually has an NE exam, i don't think it's a requirement for promotion.

one thing i'm slightly dissatisfied about is that we don't get a break after exams. most schools finished their exams last week, so the students get to relax over the long weekend. but we finish our exams today, and get thrown back into lessons the very next day. the lever needs some time to switch from exam mode back to normal school mode. and by the time the lever is fully adjusted, it's time to go into mugging mode for the next big exam. while on the topic of exams, it's time for my favourite game - predict the results. this time's guesses go like this:

GP - C or B
Chinese - D or C
Physics - C or B
Econs - C or B
Chem - B or A
Maths - D or E

bold grades mean i'm guessing that will most likely be my score. looks like my target will not be met. for a JC student, i think i studied insufficiently for this exam, especially for physics, chinese and maths. oh well...i guess you reap what you sow. i have to improve on the quality of the seeds i throw into the field.

on the brighter side, it's already week 2! time practically disappears during exams. only 8 more weeks before the september break, and only about 14-16(?) weeks before the promos. and we still have new stuff to put into our heads, while simultaneously trying to keep the old stuff from escaping. doesn't sound easy at all. oh well. what's life without challenges?

-thingy of the day: Set SMART goals: Specific, Mesurable, with an Action plan, Realistic, within a Timeframe.-

It's already 11+ on monday, 3rd july. this effectively means that there are only 8+ more hours to the maths paper. and guess who isn't prepared? i only feel confident about partial fractions, summation, indices, remainder/factor theorem, and MI. that's 5 out of 17 topics. really really un-good. somehow, i think the maths paper will be my only failure for this mid-year.

all of sudden, it seems like i have nothing interesting to blog about any more. it's just school, CCA, the occasional outing, and not much else. since it's getting pretty late, i'll wrap up here and study maths for a little while more before sleeping.

-thingy of the day: It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice as well.-