Yes! no more coaching!

while i'm mostly happy that i don't have to deal with the hyperactive little terrors any more, a small part of me sort of misses the upper primary kids, probably because i've spent more time with some of them (the competition team, at least), and also because they don't give me as much headache as their juniors. even though it was my last session yesterday, i was still stuck with the primary 3s. just can't catch a break. did a recap of 2 basic drills, and i'm sad to say that not training for around 2 months has sort of reset any progress that they may have made before. in particular, there's one boy who can't seem to understand what i'm trying to tell him (i believe i've mentioned him here a couple of months back), regardless of whether i'm using english, chinese, or physical demonstration. really makes me wonder if he actually wanted to take up bowling, or if he was forced into it by some higher authority in his life. i mean, there are slow people, people with short attention spans, and even slow people with short attention spans...but this guy's pushing it a little beyond believable limits. oh well, he (and the rest of the P3s) is/are no longer my concern. my boss shouldn't have a problem picking up where i left off.

the news that i wouldn't be seeing the kids for future training sessions probably came as a surprise to most, if not all of them. a few of the seniors (mostly from the competition team) were sad to see me go, while those whom i didn't really interact with couldn't be bothered either way. i was kind of stunned by 2 of the senior girls who wanted my autograph (for what, i'll never know...maybe a voodoo ritual?). actually, "stunned" doesn't really cover the magnitude. try "deer-in-headlights" on for size. nevertheless, it was touching, in an oddly unexpected sort of way. gave out all of the 3 namecards i had on hand, seeing as i forgot to restock my wallet the night before. this is even after reminding myself no less than 5 times to do it. looks like i'm getting old. come to think of it, i don't know why i gave it to them...must have been an act of impulse. with any luck, i'll get a call from one of them 3 to 4 years later, asking for tuition.

on the way to NUS (to submit some of my registration stuff after coaching), i just got thinking. would i actually go back to coach during normal school time (assuming schedule permits, of course)? at present, i haven't reached a definitive answer. too many unknown variables...like the workload, travelling time, not to mention that my schedule changes from semester to semester. if it was feasible, i might just randomly pop in on one of those odd days where i'm free. but knowing my boss' character, he'd rather i not show up at all, unless i can commit to a month/term of regular attendance. anyway, i don't think there's much point in me going back anytime soon. latest information is that they only have 2 more sessions before they stand down for common tests. we can't really do much in 2 sessions, and besides, i have no intention of dealing with kid-induced stress on top of whatever university throws at me. looks like i'll think about it only when the long break's within sight.

as mentioned earlier, i did my registration yesterday as well. yes, i know that it wasn't my faculty's designated date, but i managed to make alternative arrangements. ended up waiting 75 minutes for a 5-minute process. sounds atrocious, but i must admit that i'm somewhat impressed by their efficiency. they managed to finish 80 people ahead of me in about 35 minutes. the bulk of the waiting time was actually spent on getting a queue number and settling some other admin stuff. i finally walked out of the place, fully registered, 90 minutes after i first went in.

so, now that my registration is complete, it's module-bidding time! so far, i've bid for my cores already, and will be doing my electives tomorrow. CORS is actually quite easy to understand and navigate around, but i just wish that they had a clearer listing of what's the minimum and maximum requirements per semester for each category, as well as clearer category distinctions. right now, i don't see a difference between unrestricted elective modules and the restricted ones. maybe tomorrow's round of bidding will clear things up.

i think the amount of words in this post would have probably fried most normal readers' brains by now, so i'm going to save aikido and laptops for a subsequent post. as a matter of fact, my brain feels pretty fried as well. oh well. till next time then.

-random thought of the day: I seem to be in the habit of blogging at 11+pm...-

Now that i have less than a week to go before i'm due to begin life in NUS, i suddenly find myself wishing that i had more time to do stuff. having said that, i guess it's kind of ironic that today was still spent slacking at home. of course, the rain was an added disincentive to go out.

university admission requires more independence than JC admission. i can't even remember the process for primary and secondary school, so no point trying to make comparisons there. but like i was saying, when applying for university, it's like they tell you about an important date once, and that's it. no reminders whatsoever. in some cases, they don't even bother to tell you about it, leaving you to ask around before you finally find out what to bring for a certain event on a specific day from time A to time B. in a way, it's kind of expected, since university students are supposed to be adults who take the initiative and stuff like that. it's quite reflective of the working world as well. i don't think any company will call you to remind you that you have a job interview with them. and if you happen to be late...good luck.

as for other happenings in my life, there isn't really much to talk about, except for tuition. incidentally, i declined to take the JC kid i mentioned in the last post on a full-time basis. that would waste his time and money. thing is, his content is mostly fine. what's bugging him is that he doesn't know the key words/phrases that will score him the marks. maybe it's an innate ability of mine, but i've always been able to identify those particular phrases for definitions. not always at the first glance, mind you, but it generally sinks in after a few repetitions. hard to explain how it happens...it just does. too bad i can't teach this to my kids. all i can do is repeat the important points to them and hope it diffuses in somehow.

the afternoon rain has left a nice, cool atmosphere. should probably take advantage of it and sleep earlier tonight. have to reset my body clock (which has been screwed up again by too many late nights and mornings). in addition, i have to sort out any last-minute registration stuff that comes up (an ominous feeling tells me not everything will go smoothly), not to mention the issue of whether to get a laptop or not. and i have to do my recce of how long it takes to get there from home. time to engage the higher gears.

-random thought of the day: Must drop by the library as well...-

'Oh, that's the wall. wait...why is it so bright?'

those were my 2 very first thoughts upon waking up this morning. kind of random/unlinked, but what do you expect from a guy who only got 4 hours' sleep? anyway, it was quite amusing in retrospect, since i simply could not figure out what that white thing in front of my eyes was at that time. guess i haven't woken up in that position for quite a while. i suppose the fact that my alarm didn't go off as planned and that i was up an hour late also kind of disoriented me. an hour can make a big difference in the ambient lighting, especially during sunrise/sunset times. sadly, that's the only part of my morning haze that stuck in my brain. i'm under the vague impression that i had a pretty interesting dream(s?), though i cannot remember what it is to save my life.

luckily, waking up at 7:45 didn't screw up the usual saturday routine (not much, anyway). rushed through the shower and travelling, but was still slightly late in meeting up with friends for the weekly alumni gathering at turf city. no major harm done in the end...only thing that was slightly annoying was that no mahjong was scheduled on the one week where training was cancelled. talk about coincidences, eh? the lack of afternoon activity was kind of saddening, but at least i got to catch up on my sleep. a nice 3-hour nap has consequently left me quite energized for the moment.

as for why training was cancelled, it's because both schools took part in the national schools' competition yesterday, so today and monday are days off. i was fortunate enough to be able to go down to watch some of the matches as my nephew cancelled this week's tuition due to illness. this year's nationals results are...less than satisfactory, with only one team (B-division boys) getting a medal placing. it's not the worst-case scenario, but it could have been so much better. oh well. no use lamenting about it. time to look forward and prepare for next year's competition (after exams and all that stuff, of course).

you know, i sometimes think that seniors should be paid for going back for training. we cover multiple roles, including (but not limited to) sparring partners, throwing dummies, demonstrators, unofficial assistant coaches (unofficial due to lack of proper qualifications and in some cases, belt rank), coaches' runners, technical advisors, counsellors/confidantes, medical support personnel, comic relief, and, surprisingly enough, ATMs (as i found myself doing yesterday at dinnertime when some juniors were short on cash). then again, the opportunity to train with diversely-skilled people, which helps to improve both physical fitness and technique, doesn't come free in the outside world as well. tradeoffs i guess. but, as i've said before, payment is a bonus. the fun derived from a good training session is usually satisfaction enough.

looks like i won't be signing up for the aikido class after all. cost factor aside ($110 for 12 X weekly 90-minute sessions), it's kind of bad timing for me, since i'll have to rush from dover back to bishan in order to be on time. besides, why do that when i have free judo training every saturday (schedule permitting, of course)?

it's getting kind of late, and i'll have to be up in another 6 hours or so. in the interest of my sanity and energy levels, i think it's best i go to sleep now. as a reminder, i have the following topics to blog about in future: tuition with the JC kid, UNIVERSITY and its related issues, and maybe some other philosophical junk, depending on my mood.

-random thought of the day: I don't feel sleepy yet...-

Turns out that today wasn't my last coaching session after all. as i found out after the competition was over, the primary school still has training next week, but less the P6'es, who will stand down to prepare for the PSLE. that means i'm going back to taking care of primary 3 brats children. oh joy. i'll take comfort in the fact that the next session's the last, and i'll go out of my way to be nice yet assertive at the same time. i just hope i don't have to blow my top or do something that would leave a nasty last impression.

that little piece of news aside, not much else has happened, other than the fact that i'm due to see another new kid (from CJC judo) for tuition tomorrow. he says his content is fine, and that he mainly needs assistance with question-answering techniques. if what he says is true, then this'll be pretty easy...not to mention short. i just hope it's as good as it sounds, because the headache from the secondary school side is hard enough to handle on its own. i'm more worried about the sec 4s, because i have 16 more weeks with them at maximum. i just wish they'd approached me earlier.

one more thing before i go. paying the cable bill sort of slipped my dad's mind yesterday, so the internet and TV were cut off for about 14 hours. somewhen during this time, i realized how dependent on internet and TV we (or maybe it's just me) were. being TV-less and internet-less did not really sit well with me. after lazing around and trying to read at home, i decided to go to the library for a change of scenery. so i went there, and did basically the same thing up till about 8:45pm. took a walk around the general vicinity, and chanced upon an aikido class conducted at the community centre. i didn't want to intrude, so i stayed outside to watch (thank goodness for transparent glass doors!). it seemed pretty interesting, but i have trouble believing that such gentle flowing motions will bring a person to the ground. reason being that judo experience tells me that that takes WAY more than gentle pushing, pulling and turning. of course, it's different if your partners cooperate, as they more than likely do in aikido. besides, i'm pretty curious about the whole ki concept. i want to understand more about it. with any luck, understanding that will have a positive effect on my judo.

actually, i wouldn't mind joining the aikido class, so long as the fee is reasonable (or better yet, if it was free). the only few things holding me back are scheduling conflicts and ego. the former is pretty self-explanatory, what with university coming up, but the latter is, well, kind of silly. back when i took up judo in J1, i did it with a couple of secondary school schoolmates, so there was a sense of familiarity/fellowship there. but in this case, i'm flying solo. i know that martial artists (particularly those practising japanese martial arts) tend to be courteous, friendly and nice, but there will no doubt be some awkwardness during the first few lessons, not to mention my high age and low rank (i saw people within 2 to 3 years of my age - some are probably even younger! - already wearing the japanese warrior skirt thing. then again, given my experience in a similar combat style, i guess i could be brought up to speed relatively faster...though i do not have much desire to wear the skirt. think i'll recce to see when they're training again, then talk to the head instructor directly. i'm sure he'll be able to give me more accurate answers.

i'm quite surprised that i'm still feeling only slightly tired now, considering that i had barely 4 hours' sleep last night/this morning and i've been up since 5:15am. wait...hold that thought. the fatigue just set in. looks like it's off to bed with me.

-random thought of the day: I want a laser from http://www.dragonlasers.com/catalog/index.html!-

Realization just slapped me hard in the face (strictly metaphorically speaking) these past 2 days. it's mainly in the form of "school starts in 2+ weeks!". kind of unbelievable that EIGHT MONTHS have gone by since i left the army. guess that the slacking i've done in these two-thirds of a year should be able to last me through a couple or more semesters of school. i just wish i could have another couple weeks more before i have to rush headlong into NUS life. now that i'm so close to it, the prospect of university life does seem rather...intimidating. still, it's something i have to do sooner or later, so might as well get it started sooner, right? only problem is i've been feeling a little more spaced out than usual these past few days - so much so that i completely forgot about applying for my tertiary ez-link card during the recommended period. bleh. well, not like it's a life-or-death issue. just some inconvenience and time-wasting here and there at worst.

while on this train of thought (regarding the extension of my break, not about my recent absent-mindedness), i had another conversation with a friend. he observed that i'm rather resistant to change and that i like to stay in my comfort zone. my counter to that statement is that this is more or less typical human nature/behaviour. it's common to prefer familiar environments and scenarios, as opposed to throwing yourself completely into the unknown. though admittedly, i am a little more reluctant to step out than the average person, even after jc and army. hopefully university will improve on that situation.

i realize i still owe readers a review of transformers. without spoiling anything, i'll just say that i don't understand why some reviews (which i read prior to watching it myself) said that there was little to no storyline. i personally thought that the storyline was pretty easy to follow, hard to miss, and quite nicely laid out. one thing which all reviews so far (including mine) agree upon is that the action/fight sequences were damn cool! i particularly liked the one involving sideswipe in shanghai, as well as the one of optimus prime paradropping into a combat zone. apparently, optimus uses ippon seoi-nage (aka. one-armed shoulder throw) in one particular fight scene, but i don't recall seeing it. i guess i'll wait for the dvd to have a second look. perhaps the only gripe i have is that the sounds effects were a little too loud (and distracting) for comfort, especially those of the robots transforming. then again, that may have been because the movie hall was at less than 10% occupancy, so the sounds resonated more in the empty space. all in all, it was a pretty well-spent $7.50.

so...what else happened between the last post and now? oh yes - coaching at the nationals. previously, i was kind of skeptical when i was told that coaching during nationals was tougher than the routine job. after last thursday, i finally get the point. for some reason, coaches feel mentally drained after the competition (at least i did...and it was only primary school-level!), probably because we're analyzing each of the players' form and watching out for mistakes in greater detail than during normal training. what's worse is i have to do it again this coming wednesday, which, if i'm not mistaken, is also the last session i have with the kids. wonder how they'll react when they hear that little piece of information.

oh. one last thing before i go. why don't people EVER realize that i will never appreciate them throwing my stuff away and/or moving it around? no matter how neat it looks, it's just wasted effort to me.but as long as i can find whatever i want, i won't complain (that much). the problem appears when something i need or which i had wanted to keep has gone missing. that bugs me like hell and generally pisses me off to no end. after this round of "tidying", i've lost 2 nice, new, translucent 2-pin adapters. as in "fresh out of the package" kind of new. worse thing is they came with my new extension/power splitter bar, and i'm not about to spend another $34 on an entire new set just to replace the adapters. sad.

anyway, i think that about covers everything significant that's happened. now, if you'll excuse me, i have to go finish up marking a test paper and get ready for tomorrow's (practically) non-stop tuition sessions. 10:30 to 1:30, 2:30 to 5:30, and 6:00 to 8:00. looks nicely spaced-out, right? that's because i haven't mentioned that the hour-long intervals between sessions are there to accommodate for travelling from point-to-point. long story short, i'll be out of the house by 9:00am, and i won't be back until about 8:45pm. that's (approximately) 12 hours for 3 kids. i wonder how i'll squeeze in another guy who has already expressed interest in tuition? oh well. it'll happen somehow.

-random thought of the day: Why has the weather been so humid!?-

I'd wanted to do a nice long post reviewing transformers 2, but a few rounds of online mahjong have sort of killed my blogging mood. besides, it's getting late, and i have to be at the chevrons tomorrow (well...later) for the primary school nationals (i think they finally relaxed on the guest control). not sure whether i'll be actively coaching or just a runner, or even if i'll get paid or not, but what the heck. would be nice to get out of the house for an afternoon.

since i'm not feeling up to writing right now, i'll leave the movie review for a later date. all i'll do now is leave a note here to remind myself to proofread my sec 4 test and to actually start setting my sec 3 test. not much time left if i want to get a really good paper out.

BUT...first and foremost, time to get some sleep. can't afford to be late for the competition.

-random thought of the day: I should go back to sleeping earlier.-

Got tired of seeing depressing driving stuff as the top post, so i'm replacing it with slightly less depressing tuition stuff. right now, i'd like nothing better than to hold a conference call and scream at all of them simultaneously...except maybe throwing them 10 times each with chokes and armlocks as an added bonus. long story short, i'm feeling particularly violent now, and here's why.

*before i begin my rant, here's some background info. last sunday, i informed all 3 of my SJI kids that i would give them a test one week later (ie. tomorrow). here's what they did:*

let's start with the one i'm least annoyed with...the sec 3 kid. he called me on the same day to ask for postponement, so fair enough. he called me again today to totally cancel tomorrow's session due to his religious class exam, so i'm fine with that too. lost revenue vs. a rare opportunity to sleep in...i can handle that.

one of the sec 4 kids neglected to tell me that tomorrow would be his mum's birthday (i think he forgot about it himself), so he was running on a pretty tight schedule. luckily i was able to make adjustments and accommodate that, so no major worries there. he's still taking the test as scheduled.

it's the last sec 4 boy (the judo captain) that really pissed me off. firstly, he smsed me at about 5pm today asking to postpone the test. that's a negative impression right there. naturally, i refused due to the short notice given. then with everyone's consent and confirmation, i arranged for both of the sec 4s to take the test together tomorrow. shortly after finalizing the arrangement, he calls me to tell me he can't make it after all. WTF!!? ok, in all fairness, he didn't really study for my test because he had other tests in school, and he can't make it for the group test because his mum won't let him go. i suppose my annoyance is clouding my judgement a little, because these are legitimate reasons (though i don't see how spending 30 minutes maximum per day on chem is unreasonable, even with other tests and stuff). it's just that this incompatibility has thrown a monkey wrench into the gears of my (supposedly well-thought-out) plan.

right now, i'm really at a loss as to how to solve my current problem. i half feel like telling them to go do something nasty to themselves, and that i quit. but then...it would make future meetings on the dojo kind of awkward. another part of me reasons that i gave them ample time to prepare for the test, so i should just give it to them, and laugh if/when they fail. but that's not constructive for their learning, and might have the side effect of screwing up their self-esteem/-confidence. actually, the solution i'm currently most inclined to is to just call all of tomorrow's tuition sessions off, and re-set the paper to be longer and tougher..."finish up a new pen's ink cartridge in the course of doing the test" kind of longer, and "studying won't help; you're still going to die" kind of tougher. not to mention tightening up the mark scheme. but that's just the desire for vengeance speaking.

i think i know what i'm going to do! i'll let the less problematic kid take the test tomorrow. i'll also allow the captain to sit for my test at a later date, but he'll be taking a longer, tougher paper with no bonus questions. at this point, screw preserving his self-esteem. besides, another week to study = better preparedness, so he should be able to tackle tougher questions.

you know, i think i finally understand what teachers go through. just imagine - i'm dying at 3 students. a typical sec 4 teacher has anywhere between 60 to 150 students under his/her care. that equates to a worst-case scenario of 50 times my current stress level. guess it's true what they say - teaching is a calling, and not everyone can answer that call. since tutoring's driving me half-insane, i think i can safely say that i won't be very good at it (teaching, that is).

now that i've reached a satisfactory compromise, i suddenly feel the full-body tension drain away. well, tomorrow's earnings are practically zero, but that's the tradeoff for more free time. having studied econs (though i'm admittedly not very good at it), i know about costs vs. benefits, and my evaluation is that despite the reduced income, the benefits gained from the additional time far outweighs that negative point. since tomorrow's freed up, i think i'll go watch transformers. the mixed reviews actually make me want to check it out so i can judge it for myself. until the next post then, where i will most probably review the movie - provided i went to catch it.

-random thought of the day: I still want to uchimata someone.-

13+ hours after my previous post sees me in slightly better spirits. i admit that i'm still brooding over the test, but in a "sian...wasted opportunity" sort of way, as opposed to "i should have passed!". don't think i'm that deluded yet.

to be honest, i don't know why i'm having such a hard time letting go of this particular setback. it's not like i've never failed before (even then, i'd have failed at failing. how's that for philosophy/logic?), but something just keeps drawing my attention back to it. my best guess is that this wound is still fresh, so as per human tendency, i'm fussing over it too much. it may seem like a big deal now, but in the grand scheme of things, a kid failing his driving test isn't that significant. have to put it into perspective.

in an attempt to distract myself, i went and did up a new blog layout, which you should be seeing if you're reading this post. i originally wanted to stay away from the winter theme and do something more sunrise-/summer-oriented. too bad that this picture represented what i really had in mind for my main theme - which is to stay positive for what the future has in store. i also decided to simplify things, hence the lack of big pictures or overlapping stuff. was considering adding javascript for falling snowflakes or scrolling words, but nah. i can save that for the next layout. incidentally, this particular picture is the final calvin and hobbes strip. i chanced upon some really cute pictures drawn by fans while i was searching for the ideal background image. here's one of them:


well, it's getting late, and i should probably be going to bed soon. not that i have to wake up early for anything though. in fact, i'm exceedingly free these next few days. think i'll go get my knee fixed tomorrow. that way, it'll be ready for saturday.

As much as i would like to inform the whole world about my passing (the test, that is), i can't. here's why:

the day started out normally enough, with me waking up at hourly intervals from 3:00am onwards. couldn't get back to sleep after 4:50am, so i decided to get on the internet for a while - meaning until 5:40, when i went to shower up and get ready. left the house at 6:15, and made it to the usual waiting spot by 6:26. it's kind of hard to explain, but i was both surprised and not surprised when my instructor was late. surprised because i thought he would be punctual on test day, and yet unsurprised because it was becoming a common occurrence. makes sense?

drove down to the test centre and started practising the circuit. this is where things got a little screwy. admittedly, my performance was nowhere near my saturday standard. in fact, i wouldn't be surprised if other drivers and instructors thought today was my first circuit. i suppose the nerves played a part, because my instructor went back to fighting with me over control of the wheel. i think it's at this point where i seriously considered yelling at him to back off, but i didn't in the end. no use making even more people feel screwed up. also, my seat positioning was probably a factor too, because the reference points i used on saturday all appeared different. still, we managed to adapt and work something out. went for a short drive around the area as a warm up before dropping the relevant documents off in the "document basket".

not long after, one of the the testers came to collect the basket and went off with it to do their secret balloting/assigning thing. as luck would have it, my name was called first. met my tester, then went to the car. got it started and headed for the circuit. if memory serves, we did things in this order: direction change, slope, reverse parking, s-course, crank course, and parallel parking. who wants to take a guess which stations gave me problems?

the answer is/are reverse parking (where i had to do an additional reverse to get the car in smoothly), slope (where the braking was too jerky) and ironically, the crank course. managed to hit the kerb twice (that's 20 points right there, and that's when i knew it was a lost battle.). despite me failing by that point, the tester was nice enough to let me continue to parallel parking (which went smoothly!) and subsequently, road driving. we did a modified route (no u-turn) due to traffic conditions, and besides, i think he wanted to get it over with ASAP since my circuit was shot already.

had a post-test evaluation with the tester, who explained my errors. turns out they take checking blind spots/confirming safety hell of a seriously. now i know that i have to up the wayang factor significantly and do (slightly) exaggerated turns of the head more frequently. aside from this and the kerb-hitting thing, i'm also travelling too slowly sometimes, and my braking could be improved. i won't disclose my total amount of points accumulated (for fear of readers laughing themselves to death), but let's just say i have enough points to fail twice, and then some. on the (relatively) bright(er) side, i didn't get any immediate failures! shows that i'm not hopeless after all.

personally, i think the main reason for this particular outcome is the fact that i was stressed (or at least nervous). the tester commented that the car was very jerky (which i noticed too). my instructor was surprised when i told him, because (i quote) "your car normally where got jerky!?". so yes, nervousness definitely played a big part in this. of course, my tester was (is) pretty strict, as i subsequently found out. but i can't blame him since he's doing his job. if i REALLY had to assign blame to anyone, i'd give 100% of it to myself for being mentally unprepared for the test.

contrary to normal expected feelings after this sort of thing, i'm not feeling angry, or even sad. the closest phrase that can describe what i'm currently feeling is "frustrated acceptance". i have accepted that i didn't pass the test this time round, and i'm already looking forward and making plans for the next attempt. at the same time, a part of me can't help but feel that this was a wasted opportunity, since passing was not impossible this time. i know it probably sounds contradictory, but hey, emotions are complex, right?

so...about future plans. we booked a test date immediately, and the next available date is on 8 october, which is a full 3 months later (as well as my last attempt at getting the license before i turn 21)! university would have started then, so i'll have to tai-chi my schedule around, or in the worst case scenario, skip morning class. checking the NUS calendar of events reveals that it's just normal school for that week (i suppose having the week in which my test day falls as my mid-semester break would be too much of a coincidence). thank goodness exam period is still about a month away, so skipping a morning class (provided i really have to) won't have that many serious repercussions.

looking at the nearer future, both my instructor and i agreed that i should take a temporary break from driving. that, coupled with the fact that he's travelling overseas in august, means i'll probably resume lessons in september, with a month to go before the next test. now that i know my areas for improvement, i can do focused/targetted troubleshooting during future lessons. must get that crank course right next time!

right now, i'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone or discuss the test experience any more than what i've written here. the above 9+ paragraphs pretty much tell the whole story anyway. you know what? i think i'll go design a new layout. that ought to improve my spirits.

-random thought of the day: I just realized Deepavali falls on my birthday this year!-

Managed to see all my 3 SJI kids for tuition today. turns out my planning/timing was not as precise as i'd imagined, because i ran late for a couple of sessions. in spite of that, i think all 3 sessions went pretty well! they're learning fast, though the lack of questions from them is a little...disconcerting. well, i guess my upcoming test will help me find out if they really know their stuff.

just had (what i hope is) my second-last driving lesson earlier in the evening. wasn't that productive, considering both my instructor and i were tired from our respective previous activities. managed to do 4 routes though, and was reminded of potential hazard/danger areas. have to watch my turning, especially into the test centre. not too confident about that. those aside, i think the rest should be manageable. one last circuit practice tomorrow morning should help.

that's it for me. somehow, i don't think i'll get much rest tonight, even with the nice sleepy weather. pre-test nerves and all that. still, i'm going to try. worst case is i read the mark sheet until i fall asleep. see you all, and hopefully i'll be the bearer of good news the next time you see me.

-random thought of the day: I don't think I feel half as nervous as I actually should be feeling.-

Circuit went well today! well...not initially, since i had to fight for control of the wheel. but after 15 minutes or so, my instructor must have figured out that i was starting to get really annoyed, so he laid off. it's amazing how much more stuff you can learn on saturday mornings. i estimated that there were 10 cars in the circuit, tops. managed to try almost every single reverse and parallel parking lot, except for a few which were occupied when i was in the area. also gained way more confidence for the crank course, though i still have to turn faster than what i'm currently doing. the rest are manageable enough, and i think my chances for a first-time pass got higher after today's lesson. still, i won't predict or expect anything until i hear it straight from the tester.

looking through the mark sheet for the driving test, i notice that they appear to be quite lenient. demerits are given for really obvious mistakes, and if you can get an immediate failure, you probably deserve it. problem is, passing/failing is also largely dependent on the tester. there can be nice testers who put you at ease and close an eye to minor, non-life-threatening stuff (eg. inappropriate gear engaged, using manual brake instead of engine brake). on the flip side, there can be really asshole-y testers who nitpick on every single detail and generally make you feel high-strung. i really hope i get the former for my test, but at the same time, i would love to pass under the latter, both for the bragging rights and as a confirmation of my skill. whatever the case, we'll see what fate (or rather, the test centre) throws at me. i think i'll manage fine so long as the tester doesn't adjust my secret weapon (aka. a small blind spot mirror above my left side mirror. it helps me gauge distances while parking!).

going for training today was good. managed to satisfy both my withdrawal symptoms and burning desire to try 2 new techniques out. one of them (a rather fancy but nonetheless effective choke) worked really well. not so much for the other, which was a turnover transition to an armlock. somehow, the pieces didn't really fit for this puzzle. had an impromptu shiai (formal competition match) with one of the juniors...which left me completely shagged-out. lost by shido (minor infringement) in the end. sian, but oh well. at least he didn't throw me. that match, along with a couple other sparring sessions, left me with pretty sore forearms (obtained while trying to get and maintain my grip on the opponent) and an out-of-place ankle (don't even know when it happened). lucky none of it is serious enough to affect my driving. even if any of them does affect me, i'll know about it during tomorrow's lesson and still have time to make necessary adaptations for monday.

every time i go back for training, i keep telling myself, "man, i really must get that knee fixed up soon." so far, i've been telling myself that for around a month already. somehow, things have the uncanny knack of getting between me and an appointment at the chinese doctor. ok...my resolution is to get it done by this week. i hope that by writing it here, i'll get the motivation to not blow it off any longer. besides, now that the primary school nationals have been postponed, there's suddenly lots of room to manoeuvre in my schedule. of course, it would be nice if i could get a lift from my dad (better yet if i could drive there myself), so i may end up bending my schedule to suit his. definitely have to get it fixed before august. i want my full range of motion back! as a (minor) added disadvantage, this injury's preventing me from going all out in sparring matches, due to the subconscious fear that i may try some funny stuff and end up buang-ing it even more. must solve this particular problem!

one of the judo juniors posted this on facebook:

sometimes, i'd really like to give myself up to a similar tantrum (less the stripping, remote, and shoe, of course), particularly on one of those days where nothing seems to go well. of course, i'd have to make sure the house was empty first. simply wouldn't do to have people walk in when an episode like this is in progress. actually, even then, i think i wouldn't go through with it. too crazy, even for me. still, i can't help but feel that it's excellent stress relief. maybe university will make me desperate enough to try it out. who knows?

fatigue's catching up with me. think i'd better go off and do some pre-bedtime reading. my latest reading material: driving checklist. have to get familiar with potential dangers both on the road, and with the tester. better odds of winning the battle that way. aside from that, i *do* need an early night anyway. tomorrow's the first time i'm seeing all 3 of my SJI kids in one day. With any luck, they'll have done their work, and i won't be pissed off enough to crash the car later in the evening/night.

-random thought of the day: I have to get used to my different belt colour...-

4 days of driving have done wonders for my confidence on the road...perhaps a little too much so. now, the feedback i've been getting indicates that i'm too aggressive/impatient. arrgh. hard not to be kancheong when you have limited learning time and when your instructor's late more often than not. interestingly, i was 3 minutes late today, and he called to rush me. maybe i should call him when he comes 15 minutes late for circuit lessons? ...nah. i'm not that mean.

ok...back to the topic. driving every day has been good for me, in the sense that i'm more accustomed to all the procedures and potential danger/hazard areas. sadly, that doesn't mean that i'm good at tackling them (yet) though. strangely, i don't worry so much for the road portion of the driving test. i mean, there are 10 routes, and about 4 that i absolutely suck at. so, it's a 60% chance that they choose a manageable route. conversely, the circuit's the one that's bugging me.

i don't know if this is normal or not, but i don't really feel that nervous about the test. tomorrow's circuit will probably put the fear back right where it belongs. bleh. i'll handle it when the time comes.

my friend and i were talking the other day. somehow, the conversation drifted to physical appearances and first impressions. he was telling me how another friend of his (who like me, does not tan easily) went to dye his hair a lighter colour and wear more branded clothes to make himself look more caucasian...all for the sake of attracting less attention to himself. he even suggested that i go for those spray-on tans (or similar stuff with the general intention of darkening my complexion) in order to blend in more with the crowd. my question: why go through all that trouble? thanks to several experiences in my younger years (damn, i feel old just TYPING that), my belief has been that anyone who condemns people based on appearance alone is probably not that worth having as a friend in the first place. i mean, i'd understand that you'd like to distance yourself from me if i told you i routinely kill people and do nasty things to their corpses. i'd have the same reaction if i ever met anyone who shared that particular fact with me. short of that, i think i'm open-minded enough to at least attempt to befriend quirky/weird people. after all, i'm not exactly un-weird myself.

think i'll wrap up here today. that previous paragraph wasn't originally part of what i wanted to blog about, but it was one of those rare times where i just happened to recall blog-worthy stuff when the window's open. tomorrow could swing both ways, due to training and driving. personally, i'm really hoping for a good day. i could use some laughter for a change, as opposed to just silence.

-random thought of the day: More than half of 2009 is over!!-