Since everyone's posting on how much they've studied, i figured i'd do the same, even if it is to give myself a rude awakening. so here goes:

English: no way to study, but the formats for letters and everything seem to register...70%

Chinese: only the formats are in place...25%

Maths: oh boy...40%

Amaths: still need to clear some things up, mainly in identities, rates of change, relative velocity, log and trigo/ln/e differentiation/integration...35%

Physics: the foundation's pretty much nailed in...45%

Chem: have to go through some last-minute things...90%

History: <insert long, bitter laugh>...15%

SS/Geog: been doing it for the past few days...55%

looks like it isn't all that adequate. and still, i could find time to take a walk by east coast to think some issues over. it's great being immune to the exam bug. maybe i should start selling my blood as a vaccine to over-stressed students. $35 for each jab. big money.

-thingy of the day: As you can see, I'm not cured of denial yet. Shoot me.-

I'm feeling pretty frustrated. some of my things are taking turns to disappear at regular intervals. i'm not going to lie and say that it's due to exam stress, but it's irritating all the same.

i think i'm one of the people who are least affected by exams. i don't go into hyper mugging mode or freak out like the world's ending. despite knowing the whole "it's your future...far-reaching consequences...your loss" speech front-to-back, inside-out, and any other way there is to it, but the impact has yet to take full effect. and the exams are 5-odd days away. wonderful.

better stop thinking about it that much. sometimes, it's not whether you want to do it or not, but whether you screw up.

-thingy of the day: A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. -Stalin-

My phone's back. feel free to call again. just so all of you know.

physics was unexpectedly manageable. in fact, i'll go a step further and say it was easy. electricity did come out, and it was finding resistance as expected, but in a new way. still, it was fun. they say any value between 8.0 and 10.0 will be accepted, but the "correct" answer is 9. and i got 9.3939393939....pretty close.

what i did not expect was a question on mechanics. but regardless, it was quite ok. although i think i will lose marks for description. and ironically for me, this design experiment was easier than chem's; i'm confident of 4/4. although it's surprising that they didn't ask for precautions on either question, considering how the school's been going on and on about it.

overall, it looks like full marks is obtainable, because i'm quite sure i did not screw up the labelling of the tables, got all my sf's right, drew a well-labelled diagram, got 7 points for the graph, got my best-fit line even though the points weren't exactly aligned, the centre of mass of the ruler/balancing the weights seemed reasonable, design experiment went well, and all my answers seem to match up to Mrs Chung's standard, which is no mean feat. she is EEEVIL.

so this leaves one worry. i'm sure all the previous posts will clue you in. i think SHE's beginning to get desperate, which means she will say just about anything to get me away from the exam hall during the history paper. so far, she's tried 3 gulit traps; personal, to friends, and to the school. sounds like HBK logic. i don't know whether i'll make things easy for her, but as Mrs Terminator said, "Make decisions with a clear mind." my mind needs a bit more time to clear up.

and i'm beginning to develop a sore throat. don't ask how. i'm clueless too. bad things never come alone.

-thingy of the day: Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.-

Physics tomorrow. and possibly history after that. that means that my day will end around 5. not very good.

i've decided to give history one last shot by staying back for the test tomorrow. sure leaving a note saying, "I'm sorry, I just can't do it" will take one subject off my study list, but then, taking the easy way out doesn't seem as glamorous as going down in a blaze of glory, does it? and i've made the promise that if i fail, i will not turn up for the actual exam. call me crazy, but yes. and i intend to stick to my word.

it's kind of sad that this has to happen. this is the only subject in which i face this much trouble. i've done my studying on some important chapters, and covered over half the book. i feel adequately prepared, but i think i'll be shot down if a surprise springs up. then again, i don't think that history will be in my L1R5.

ahh. i'm thinking too much. time to go sleep.

P.S. Don't call my phone for the next few days. i accidentally left it somewhere and can only get it back during the weekend.

-thingy of the day: "Muscle can move mountains, but faith can lift an entire civilization." -Nightcrawler-

I'm feeling a little sad. mainly because that i realized that my design experiment may be a bit faulty. but oh well. no use screaming over it. better focus more for the written paper.

i have seriously considered giving up history. "give up" here means not even turning up for the paper. worst come to worst, i'll just use combined humans, which is what i may end up doing even if i take history. and it's not as if i *need* history or anything. i guess it's true, what they say about selective study during this period.

-thingy of the day: Nothing today.-

I frightened myself over the chem practical. turns out the titration was almost the same as prelim 3's. just different calculations, but still rather easy. ^__^ i'm confident of getting 20/20 for it. as for QA, i'm not that confident, only looking at a 17 or so. but still, it will contribute significantly to the A1 at the end.

*DISCLAIMER: these are judged by my standards and you should only use it as a reference. you are NOT allowed to curse and swear at me because i have to aim high for my best subject.*

physics practical's on tuesday. having a little premonition of focal length and an electricity question. hoping that my prediction comes true. but in the event it doesn't. i'll be prepared anyway.

it's going to be another boring few days of study.

-thingy of the day: Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. -Rita Mae Brown-

Been looking through the pictures i took with several teachers, and i've made a few conclusions:

- i suck at smiling naturally

- i look horrible in photos as a result of the above point
- i happened to have a semi-bad hair day
- and with long hair, that's just not good
- add that on to picturophobia as well

as a result, none of my photos will be going up on imagestation this time round; so sorry. besides, these are rather...intimate, and there's this nagging (paranoid) suspicion that my face will end up on a dartboard. so no.

feeling slightly up above in the clouds now. guess why? just read the tagboard messages. ^__^ gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling somewhere. also, many thanks to the people who have expressed (whether out loud or not) their birthday wishes.

doing english papers is just about one of the most boring things on earth. but we must persevere. time to go off.

-thingy of the day: "I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run." -Babe Ruth-

There's this song sung somewhen in 2000-2002. the name's not important here, but one line of its lyrics go "They say you never miss the water until it's gone." how apt for such an occasion.

yes, the day started out a little negatively, with the scolding in english class. yes, geog wasn't that interesting that day. yes, we missed the chem practical briefing. but in the end, none of it really mattered. all that mattered was that it was the last day that we were officially catholic high students.

the farewell assembly had to be sentimental, of course, with a powerpoint presentation dedicated to each class. i'd have to say that 4-6's, 4-10's and 4-11's were the 3 most outstanding ones that were shown. notice that the form teachers are all men who've been in the school for a significant period of time? especially 4-11's, which was more of a dedication to the school by an old boy.

our teachers also helped make this day unforgettable for us through their actions, such as this poem by Terence Goh:

I am forever grateful
For this opp'tunity
To have shared this fleeting moment
In your esteemed company

With so many individuals
And as many idosyncrasies
It's been quite a unique experience
Not to say it's been a breeze

Physics was such a challenge
Science made it all the more
English almost impossible
To teach, but not to bore

Some feathers we have ruffled
Some nerves we've worn too thin
Such times have quickly faded
From my memory deep within

But the times of joy and laughter
And the care you can display
Will always seem to me as if
It happened yesterday

So let me put in record
The joy I've felt at heart
When help I could you render
Your growth to play a part

Now when I count my blessings
The goodness that I find
My cup doth runneth over
I have a hundred six and nine

though i'm not quite sure what some of it means, i get the gist of it. and i must say, he's a really good writer. other teachers also did rather sweet things for us, such as these lines from Leong:

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no days, no hours or minutes. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists. They will all expire. the wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived. It won't matter whether you were handsome or brilliant. your gender, skin colour, ethnicity will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learnt, but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage and sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you know, but how many will consider you a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter are not your memories, but the memories of those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, for whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

this reflects his character more than any one single action.

there are a million more things i want need to say, things like personal messages for each and every person, from index number 1 to 32. things like telling everyone to keep in touch. things like setting up a big reunion 5 years later or so.

all the photos i've taken suddenly seem so irrelevant, insignificant. because i know for a fact that this is one of those rare days in a person's life where the memories will still be as vivid as ever, no matter how much time has passed.

-thingy of the day: Think of this not as goodbye, but as a new beginning.-

You know that odd feeling you get sometimes? it's like one minute, you're fine and in prefect condition. then, a minute later, you feel the world spinning rapidly and it's not taking it with you. in other words, it was a sudden rush of illness. felt wrong. just wrong. went home before history test as a result. hopefully, people won't get the wrong idea again.

tomorrow's the day. no, not just the day. it's THE day. where my 4 years of secondary school officially end. 4 years' worth of emotion is just going to be concentrated in the 2-odd hours at the hall. there will definitely be laughter, tears, and occasional shouts of, "We did THAT!!?" hopefully, nobody and nothing spoils it by a bad choice of words, actions, or hardware failure. it's also a day to settle any old scores (peacefully), and tell all your friends how much they really mean to you. of course, there are some people in all our social circles who will get what they really deserve. maybe i'm one of them, but i'll know for sure tomorrow.

a letter just arrived. turns out my uncle hasn't forgotten to send his annual birthday card. he's been doing it without fail for about 6 years now. it's really nice. he does this for every single one of his family members. i've been taking this for granted all this while, but it's time i give him some sort of acknowledgement. although it's a bit odd; he didn't sign it like he has done so far.

-thingy of the day: Remember your ties and cameras!-

Well, life's one big study cycle again. nothing much interesting going on. just looking through books and making myself believe that i can pull a miracle out of thin air. self-delusion once again. the scary thing is, it's working. chem practical's only about 9 days away, and once the first exam wave hits you, time just flies after that.

i still feel that i'm not doing enough for history. oh sure, i have some basic facts, but elaboration and linking is totally out of the window. a sudden impulse tells me to not even turn up for the history paper. looks like my L1R5 may come from 7 subjects after all.

this is the time for all the bad decisions to came back and haunt you/me/us like the persistent ghosts that they are. like subject combinations, choices of topics to spot, ignoring certain subjects altogether, and even placing too little emphasis on your stronger areas. so many regrets, so little time to make up.

and if that's not enough, i suddenly have the urge to redesign this and turn it into Open Up Your Mind - 5.00. i've even though of a couple of ideas already; either Sephiroth or Spiderman 2's Doctor Octopus. really shows my priorities, doesn't it?

-thingy of the day: "For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 'It might have been!'" - John Greenleaf Whittier-

Yes, i know what i'm about to say is an age-old quote, but time really flies, doesn't it? there are only...2 more weeks to the first paper. i really don't know what to feel. it just sucks. and my overly-concerned history teacher just called to enquire about my absence. can't really blame her, but i think history won't be part of my L1R5. not because of personal bias or anything like that, but my grades aren't making the cut. if grades have been around D7 to C6 for all 3 prelims, it's fate's way of saying, "give up on history."

feel like screaming.

-thingy of the day: Rushing against time is a race that is rarely won.-

Darn. my neck feels sore.

these few days have been quite draining. luckily, today ended earlier and i was able to go be happy for a while. really miss that feeling. that for 3 hours, nothing really matters in the world. sadly, there'll be less and less of these special moments, until november 19 anyway.

looks like teachers are affected just as badly, if not worse. Mr Lee's losing his temper almost once every lesson now. and to think he's usually so cheerful. he doesn't deserve this. nobody does. but we can't completely blame him though. i mean, he used to be this really high-level chem teacher until he was posted (voluntarily or involuntarily?) to a secondary school. he's even thinking of leaving at year-end. if all the rumours i've heard are true, and the teachers who are said to be leaving really leave, the school will just drop like a blue whale in a vacuum.

just been doing some typing of history notes. it's a bit like lifting from the book, just that 5 pages are condensed into 1. all that tedious typing makes me want to get a C-pen, ie. the thing that "reads" printed text and stores it digitally. then again, maybe typing is better. you actually eliminate the less important bits and know what's going into the paper that you will rely on for studying.

all of a sudden, i feel like turning my head sharply in either direction to try and get rid of the ache. but knowing my luck, i'd probably break something. so sleeping it off seems to be the next best choice.

-thingy of the day: It stops being a joke when one party no longer finds it funny.-

Looks like the week got off to a good start.

no english and history for 3 days. it's happy. oh so happy. at least there won't be the holy terror nagging me about history, and speaking of history, the modern world SBQ got me 16 marks, which means i need 12 for SEQ just to pass. seems acheivable...hopefully.

i'm thinking that this 8-hour school day is going a bit too far. it's tiring. seriously. and what's worse is, most other schools' students are on their study breaks. yet, maybe going back to school is a good thing. some (or most) of us lack discipline for self-study. no fun.

-thingy of the day: All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.-

Now how do i start this post?

oops. just did. so much for lame introductory statements. appaerntly, there will be some moderation, but not for the subjects where i need it most (eg. amaths and history). quite sad, but it's even sadder that i have to rely on moderation in the first place. hopefully, my points will go down to 13-15 or so. but i doubt it. that means a 5-odd mark increment in just about every subject excluing amaths, history and chem. *huge groan* i doubt the teachers will be that kind.

shocking is the word. looking at the countdown timer that Wee Seng has kindly set up, i've noticed that our 6.6 million-odd seconds have become 2.5 million seconds and counting. where have thise other 4.1 million seconds gone? down the drain, with approximately only 40% of it used productively. still need to brush up on certain subjects, and according to some calculations, we have about 16 hours to devote to each subject, give or take some.

still must finish up chinese and some other work. with 12 hours left to the start of school tomorrow, it isn't impossible.

-thingy of the day: Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.-

It's been an interesting couple of days.

first off, my grades are as follows:

EL - B4
Chinese - A2
Maths - B3
Amaths - E8
Physics - B4
Chem - A1
Combined - C5
History - C6 (unsure)

L1R4: 14
L1R5: 19

not too bad, but could be WAY WAY better. i need some more 1's here and there, like in maths, english and chinese. there's improvement in all subjects except for amaths, with a 3-grade slide, and possibly history, which may stagnate at 7. rather satisfied overall; at least some ulu JC is in sight. of course, i could have counted wrongly, and if so, i seek your pardon and ask that you inform me.

but sadly, this is just for prelim 3. our overall grades are, if anything, going to jeopardize our chances of entry into JCs for the first 3 months. looking at the MOE website, my prelim 3 results qualify me for the science faculties/streams of CJ, Jurong, SR, TJ, YJ. not much of a choice. if i'm not mistaken, we're supposed to do 4 main subjects in JC. i'm thinking 2 sciences and 2 maths for me or something. but looking at the dissatisfactory amaths grade, i don't know.

the maths department has confirmed that there will be relatively lesser moderation for their subjects, and even if there is, it's only pushing the failures and some others up, and it's only for this prelim. making a guess at overall prelim L1R5: <=25. tomorrow's saturday, but still going back to school to settle some payment and photos. but very tired now, off to sleep.

-thingy of the day: -