We're preparing to migrate to a new file management system, so this week was one of the rare weeks where i didn't submit any cases. not officially, at least; my mentor told us to email her the cases we had ready and she'd check them on the shared drive. but it means that my points are frozen for however long the migration takes, so i have a stable number to look at for planning.

if we take my points from the last quarter of last year and combine them with my total so far this year, i'm about 8 points shy of the promotion target. completing my current case load will put me slightly ahead of the target, so that's what i'm aiming for. it also means i have to complete 11 cases in 10 weeks. considering i'm averaging just under 2 cases per week now, it seems really doable. yet, i felt a stab of anxiety as the number came up after my calculations earlier today in the office. i guess i should also remind myself of how much i've improved vs. when i just started doing cases. so far this year, i took just over 6 months to earn the same number of points i earned in 9 months last year, which seems to equate to a 50-ish percent increase in speed! pretty happy about that. just going to maintain the momentum.

i was talking to a few seniors yesterday, and they mentioned that promotion takes a while to confirm. come to think of it, promotions are usually announced at the start of a new quarter. and considering that they need some time to determine my suitability for promotion, there's a chance it'll be effective from 1 january next year. if that's indeed the case, i might just get the C+ appraisal grade for this year after all! again, no use living too far into the future. it'll take care of itself.

went to the gym yesterday, and i'm really close to deadlifting my body weight. should be able to do it by the end of august. my shoulders and hamstrings are also feeling sore as a result. during post-lunch chat (aka. slacking) today, my colleague (who boxes and does other stuff) said that she likes feeling sore, because it's a tangible indicator that she put in effort when she trains. different way of looking at it i guess, because i absolutely hate that feeling. i think i'd like it more if i stopped feeling sore faster/sooner, but my aging body doesn't seem to want to cooperate in that regard.

tomorrow will be the first day of tuition at the new place for me. maybe for everyone else too, considering the announcement just went out this afternoon. not looking forward to the commute, but i'll at least give it a try. good thing is that there's still a direct bus (well, multiple direct buses), so hopefully i can just sit down and zone out until the destination. seems like it's a bit of a walk from the bus stop too, and the way isn't sheltered. will need to remember to bring an umbrella, in case of rain. i suppose the worst case is i could grab there...but it's going to eat into my earnings. tradeoffs! i guess in the worst case scenario, i can remind myself that i only have another 1 year and 3 months left until my main commitment is fulfilled, which is like...65 weeks? minus a few here and there for public holidays and centre closures and whatnot, and i'm left with maybe 60. i think i can handle that. it'll give me an excuse to explore the area too!

-random thought of the day: Things are so much easier to let go of when framed as "respecting others' decisions".-

Just got off a video call with my successor (who's now back in the US), and boy did she spill the tea. it seems like she wasn't happy in the town, even at the time when i met her in person there! she was telling me about how random people in town would approach her to start a conversation, touch her hair without asking(!), to the point where i don't think she ever felt comfortable there. and her experience in the schools didn't help, either. the usual issues with the way english is taught, plus some intercultural differences both in the schools and town hall (she said people - adults - were talking behind her back), made her time there tough. i'm grateful i went in as an asian with decent japanese language ability, so i was able to fly under the radar. plus, i guess being a guy means that i'm less likely to be randomly stopped on the street for conversation? or it might just be my face helping to ward strangers/potential conversation partners off.

knowing how good the town (including colleagues, teachers, and kids) can be, i do find it a little painful/wasted that she didn't have as awesome an experience as i did (bar the last part with the prefecture). i also wish she'd told me about all that when we met! while i might not have been able to flip tables in the town hall on her behalf, i could have had discreet words or casual chats with certain people, or relied on the goodwill i'd built up to pull some other strings...especially since i was there in person! but yes, no use crying over spilled milk. i guess rural japan still has a long way to go when it comes to dealing with "actual" foreign-looking foreigners. so in a funny way, i guess my placement worked out despite the impression that they try to assign difficult/challenging placements!

not that i know enough to accurately ascribe blame for how things went down, but it seems to me that how things turned out was a bit on my successor, but mostly on the town and the system. i do wonder if the situation could have been salvaged, not necessarily with my help/intervention. like, would things have been different if my successor had voiced out her concerns more to the town hall (or to me!) and perhaps tried harder to assimilate (mentally, i mean; physically would be impossible), or if the town hall had recognized that her japanese language level was insufficient for daily life and offered her more support, checked in on her more, etc.? also not trying to blow my own trumpet here, but i think that i'm one of the better JETs that the town has had in terms of independence and tackling non-work-related aspects of JET life...and i hope the town hall staff realize that now.

still, she seems to be at peace with her decision to leave, so i guess that's good. she told me that she wants to continue in the education industry back in the states, and asked me to be a reference for her. i agreed, and i figure that i'll just tell any potential employers what i know about the job and her performance in the schools. she seemed well-liked enough by the kids, based on what i saw of their interaction, and that gives me a bit more confidence to give her a positive recommendation. besides, it wouldn't be nice to spoil her rice bowl.

nothing really new on my end, i got a whole bunch of cases which should last me the next 2 months at least. getting them all done by that time will probably mean i'll hit the promotion target. crochet guy came over to discuss my insurance coverage and...more. think i might need to up my critical illness cover, and maybe get an accident plan too. that's going to cost another few thousand a year, i think. within my means, but i'll probably feel the pinch. have to think about it more.

forgot to mention it when i first published this post...my third aunt recently informed me that the tampines place sold! i think it was within the past few weeks to a month? like i told them, my 4-month timeline to buy a flat is already accelerated. they ended up taking 6-7 months to finalize the sale. was there really a need for my second aunt to set my move-out date from marine parade for me, and cause friction in the process? irrational/emotional human reaction, i guess. well, whatever it is, i'm happy that the sale went through; that's one less thing for my third aunt to stress about.

-random thought of the day: Focus on work!-

Harbourfront centre is closing down, and today was my last tuition class there. they were actively dismantling the venue, to the point where some workers came and removed the door of the classroom i was in midway through my class! and don't even get me started on trying to make myself audible over the sounds of drilling and hammering. but we made it through somehow; in fact, time seemed to pass faster today. didn't feel like 2 hours at all.

the new venue is at anchorpoint, which is opposite ikea alexandra. it's also a 50% longer commute for me. worse is that it's less accessible, so the commute is going to be even less fun. i was mentioning this to scary JC friend, and she said that it might be a sign that my time giving tuition is coming to an end. well...i've felt something similar. as you might remember from previous posts, my plan is to see this class of kids to O-levels (around november next year), then end off there. i'm actually considering if ending it this year is possible, since my work KPI is due to increase next year. at this point, i don't think there's a need to, because i think juggling both tuition and higher KPI is still within my capacity.

the donki at harbourfront centre is due to cease operations tomorrow, so they've been having a sale for the past month or so. i brought a bigger bag down in preparation to buy stuff, but it seems that anything that i'd be interested was either sold out, or not discounted. well...helps me save money, i guess. besides, i got some stuff 2 or 3 weeks ago, so it's all good. maybe out of impulse or temporary vanity, i bought a pack of face masks with some rice extract/compound. it's supposed to tighten pores, which i might need. yes, i recognize it's a non-essential beauty/vanity thing and i'm not going to go crazy obsessive about it. i also got instant dashi and a bottle of shampoo, in preparation for when my current one runs out.

also wanted to talk about 2 customer service fails that i experienced recently. well, more like one customer service fail and one scam attempt fail. for the customer service fail, i went to speak to the manager of the gym to get invoices to claim some money from my company for gym membership. it isn't much, but every little but helps! so, the manager asked for my number to identify me, and proceeded to pronounce my name wrongly. it irks me a little, but i understand that most people's brains will skip when seeing that combination of letters. so i'll gently correct them the first time. the manager than proceeded to get my name wrong again within the span of a minute. like...really!? it's one thing if we interact once a year and you forget. but within a minute just shows me she wasn't mentally engaged. well, at least i got what i needed, so it's fine i suppose.

scam attempt fail is more interesting. while walking to tuition, my wireless earphones automatically accepted a call. the caller was someone claiming to be from NTUC insurance, telling me that i'd signed up for a policy related to unionpay and today was the last day to cancel. he also said if i didn't cancel, i'd be locked in to pay $750 per month over 2 years, or $18 000 in total. when i questioned him about things like my full name, and email address, he got close but not 100% correct. then when i asked him how the money would be deducted, he said "this is only a call centre, i don't have the details". he then gave me a number to call, ending in "fourple one". took me more than a second to figure out he meant that the last 4 digits were 1111. i think he knew i was suspicious, because i didn't confirm anything other than the fact that i didn't sign up for this policy and wanted it cancelled. he ended the call with "since you don't understand what i'm saying, call the hotline. remember, you MUST cancel today, or you'll be charged the full sum".

the universe helped me out a little, because when i called the number (just in case and to find out more), i got a recording saying that the number was not in use. i then googled NTUC insurance's number, which was different yet very similar to the number he gave me. it also ended in 1111, so i can see how people would assume the number given by the scammer is legitimate. calling the actual number, i got a recording saying that NTUC insurance was closed on weekends. so much for all the urgency about having to do it by today! guess the idiot didn't check the calendar.

i am mildly annoyed that i didn't call him out there and then, and that i almost thought it was legitimate. for one, i should have known that NTUC would probably not hire anyone who thinks "fourple" is an actual word. the second indicator is the way he spoke. professional customer service staff wouldn't sound so unpolished. third, i was pretty sure i have never used unionpay. yet, i not-smartly asked him how this could have happened. he said it could be something i bought online, or i clicked something on social media. sounds believable, actually! i'm thankful that i didn't panic and lose my rationality.

by the way, it seems odd that the scammer is "helpfully" trying to get you to cancel an insurance policy that you never applied for, right? here's how the scam works, which i found out from a reddit thread. the script was similar, even the figures of "$750 per month for 24 months, meaning $18 0000 total"! the scammers are expecting you to want to cancel, because who would risk paying an additional $750 a month? then when you tell them you want to cancel, they'll ask you to go down to their office immediately, which most people won't be able to do. those who do go down will have wasted time and money on the commute, so i guess the scammers take it as a petty victory. anyway, most people will opt to cancel via online or over the phone. the scammer then gives them a number to call, or transfers them to the "cancellations department" (actually another scammer). then, the victim will be asked to transfer money as a cancellation or processing fee, which is where the money is lost. quite interesting, that the scammers are going with the logic, then pulling the scam at the last step. guess they're evolving too. luckily my brain was still sharp enough to smell a rat!

while reflecting on my interactions with guys, i realized that for all the guys i've met this year, i would consider none of them as a suitable partner. bear in mind, this is my personal preference. i'm not saying they they are bad partners...just that i think we're better as friends at most. that got me thinking more about my criteria in looking for a partner. not going to do a super detailed analysis now, but i would rank the broad aspects according to: (1) personality/character, (2) looks and other physical attributes, (3) wealth, education, and status. sometimes, i think i might change the positions of (2) and (3). i guess there is a grey area or a certain tolerance...like, a below average-looking rich guy might win out over a hot poor guy. actually, i suppose that (1) is essential, but (2) and (3) are optional. can i accept someone who has an awesome personality who's a perfect fit for me, but doesn't have looks or money? maybe. but then, i would think that a guy who's good enough for me would possess a level of ability that would make him somewhat successful...or at least not total rubbish. here i should pause to remind myself that as i'm assessing others, others are also assessing me similarly. well...i guess it is what it is, and i'll have to see where life takes me in that regard.

-random thought of the day: More social appointments coming up!-

Either the thing about our bodies remembering anniversaries of traumatic events (or as SRC might say, "the body remembers the score") is true, or how today went is just a freak coincidence. given the lack of data points to ascertain reproducibility, i'm going to believe the latter for now. let's hope it stays that way, and that i didn't horribly jinx myself.

by all accounts, today was a great day! i helped my biologist batchmate search for some chemical structures, had lunch with gym guy, got some good news from my lead, and cleared 3 cases of varying difficulty with my mentor. yet, i started feeling down halfway through my gym workout. i guess it's a mix of thinking too much, both in the work and personal spheres.

for work, i suddenly started worrying that i wouldn't be able to hit the september promotion target. not sure why, since i appear to be on track. and the difficulty of the most recent bunch of files my lead assigned seems to be on par with previous cases. so, why am i suddenly worrying? doesn't make sense. i think i'll have to check my point balance and calculate/project how many cases i'll have to complete per week until september. that should ground me.

in the personal realm, i just feel a bit out of sorts. could it be from gym guy telling me about his thailand encounters? i don't think so - i'm very clear that he's not a relationship prospect, so i don't think it's jealousy. perhaps it might be related to my recent lack of interest in looking for guys. could be that i've been overdoing it the past couple of months (or arguably, the past half a year!), but i do think i want to focus  more on non-M-18 connections until end-september, at least.

on to the good news - my lead told me that the exchange trip with japan was confirmed! it's set for the first quarter of next year, meaning that if i play my cards right, i might be able to extend my stay in japan by taking leave right after the exchange. then scary JC friend and mentor figure can just fly over to join me. still a long-ish way into the future, so no point planning too much now. perhaps this unknowingly added to my pressure to hit the promotion target in september. feels kind of like a trade - i get enough points to be promoted, my lead gives me this opportunity. or i suppose the more "normal" way to look at it is like what he said - the opportunity will be an added reward for meeting the promotion target.

while talking to my lead, i also casually brought up the prospect of getting company sponsorship for the graduate diploma in IP. actually, i asked him about the master's course, because the difference between the master's and the diploma is only 2 more elective modules. i'd previously thought that i'd be happy enough with the graduate diploma - also because taking fewer modules would be easier to juggle with my workload. but then, i read on the website yesterday that due to my job, i'm granted exemption from one elective module, meaning that the difference between the master's and graduate diploma is just one module for me. that shifts the balance quite significantly, and makes going for the master's way more worthwhile! my lead also informed me that there are requirements for sponsorship, namely having served 2 years in the company, and a C+ performance grade for the most recent appraisal. not too worried about time in service, because that will happen naturally. plus i already planned to ask to go for the course in 2028. that means i need a C+ for 2027...or does it? considering the application window, i may actually need a C+ this year. whatever the case, my lead mentioned that C+ corresponds to exceeding the KPI target by about 10-25%. with the increased KPI target after promotion, i don't know how successful i'll be. but that's for future me to worry about.

don't exactly feel better now, so i'm hoping a good night's sleep will reset my brain. also, finding out my point total for sure tomorrow should help put my mind at ease, at least a bit.

-random thought of the day: Weird mood today.-

Cheap things can bring great happiness. because the plastic on my phone case had either absorbed too much oil from my hands or had been rubbed so smooth from frequent handling to the point of slipperiness over the past 2-ish years, i recently bought a new phone case from lazada. cost like, $4 with no delivery charge since i opted for self collection at a convenient location. it's made my phone experience feel so much better! definitely a disproportionate gain in terms of satisfaction/utility. perhaps i should change my phone case more often, unlike my note 8 one, which i think i used for the full 6 years.

i read somewhere that our bodies remember periods/moments of great trauma, to the point where we are more susceptible to mood and health issues on anniversaries of such events. don't know for sure how true that is, but i guess i'll find out soon. july was when i first started getting inklings that things were not quite as hunky-dory as i thought in the relationship. probably the worst will come in august, so i should prepare myself for that.

had dinner with E tonight. it was supposed to be with N and E, but N's wife's grandfather passed away last night. the 3 of us are due to meet next monday, but i met up with E since he was free anyway. he talked my ear off during dinner; i think the conversation was 70:30 or 80:20 in his favour. during our conversation, i found out that he's in essentially the same situation as when we last met up in end-february for the larger class gathering. he's made some progress in house-hunting, in that he got his HFE letter and has explored several locations. i'm also mildly annoyed that he didn't contact scary JC friend, but i guess it's his prerogative to choose an agent. his current agent seems to be trying to squeeze him for money, so...good luck to him.

mentally and in other aspects of life though, no change. he's still in his self-created conflict of being aimless in life, yet not wanting to aim for anything. i told him that he obviously wasn't dissatisfied enough with his life, because he hadn't taken any concrete steps to change it! am i bad for thinking that if i'd first made E's acquaintance today, and not 20 years ago in JC, we wouldn't be as good friends as we are now? he also said that he feels that he's so far behind us in terms of progress over the last 10-ish years (basically since graduating from university). i asked him then why isn't he trying to catch up to us, and his reply was "what's the point?". i also tried to get him to see that although his progress is nonexistent, his starting point is so much further ahead than ours from being born into a rich family. so if we look at absolute distance from the somewhat arbitrarily-defined "finish line", he's actually still closer than i am. must be nice, to be able to not worry about money! E was also telling me about how he'd only go for a 5-room flat because he wanted the space, and his dad offered to buy him any place he wanted. while i'm not exactly jealous of him because it's just his lot in life, i must admit to some minor internal screaming. to be fair, i'm not exactly worrying about money now myself, but that's only because i'm employed in this job. i'd really hate to be a jobseeker in this market.

another interesting thing i did was to have lunch with the newbies both yesterday and today. there was a pretty cute guy, but he's a full zodiac cycle younger than me! the whole "not dating at work" thing aside, i think the age gap is a bit too much. still, they seem to be adjusting well...though it's only been 4-ish days to a week. they're still in a different location due to space limitations, and i think we'll only see them more regularly from september or october onwards. till then, there's always lunching together i guess!

-random thought of the day: Working from home tomorrow!-

Spoke with my mentor today about a case i had, and took the chance to update her on my promotion plan. she thinks i should be able to hit the numbers. i also asked for her opinion on the quality of my work, to which she said that i'm improving and she thinks i should be ready for promotion. that's quite a significant confidence boost! i also checked in with my colleague from the same intake. she told me that our lead is asking her to aim for september promotion as well, which she says she can meet. seems like we're at a similar stage of progression! i'd actually say she's progressing faster than me, because we're at similar stages despite english not being her first language. semi-related, one of my colleagues showed me a report that he had to write in chinese. i don't think i'd be capable of writing that, even with no deadline!

i realize that work, health, and encounters with guys are forming the bulk of my posts. mildly worried, because i think a habit is forming, and i don't really think of writing about anything else. i'd actually thought about blogging about several weird dreams that occurred over the past few weeks, but kept forgetting to do so. some of the more memorable ones include a dream about the ex. i forgot the actual content of it, but i believe it was set in a time where he didn't cheat, because i didn't feel like violently rearranging his facial features in the dream. well...i do think that i'm over him and the whole cheating thing. may not sound like it, because he's someone i never want to meet again. depending on who you ask, being "over someone" could mean anything from "i've moved on and am happy now" to "i'd be ok to sit down and talk with that person, maybe even have a meal together". i'm definitely more in the former camp than the latter one. it's the same with some of my secondary schoolmates. i'm over the bad experiences that they were responsible for, but i wouldn't lose out on never seeing them again.

the second dream was weirder, and it involved me having intimate relations with a woman. not even a trans girl...like an honest to goodness cis female. what could have triggered that?? i recall not hating it, but not particularly enjoying it either. does this mean i'm not as gay as i thought? i don't think so, because i'm not particularly interested in finding out how it feels for real. plus, lady parts still unsettle me somewhat. so that'll stay in my dreams.

another thing i forgot to mention - since i'm nearing the end of my meat stockpile in the freezer, i'll adjust my diet to be more fish-based. not that i'm swearing off land animals or anything, just that i'm going to choose fish whenever practicable. think that'll be better for my health!

-random thought of the day: Feels like my sinuses are still blocked.-

Let it not be said that i don't know my good friends well! scary JC friend and mentor figure responded almost exactly as i'd predicted, justifying their opinion with deeper reasoning. scary JC friend thinks that promotion is a good opportunity, and i should just go for the earlier one. mentor figure agreed, and elaborated by saying that the difference in compensation wouldn't factor into his decision-making at all, and that if it were him, he'd see it as an opportunity to stand out from other colleagues. this makes me wonder if i'm not being big-picture enough, by focusing more on how much more i can potentially earn now (which also affects how much i can potentially earn in the future), as opposed to looking more capable in front of my boss, and potentially setting myself up for more such opportunities in the future, such as...

during a previous goal-setting/future-planning chat with my lead, i'd mentioned that i intended to take the graduate certificate in IP and eventually qualify as a patent attorney, ideally with the company's support and sponsorship. strictly speaking, patent attorney qualification is not required for this job, but i still want to do it to stick it to my former bosses in the accursed IP firm, to prove that it wasn't a me issue. that's at least another year or two in the making, so not going to think about it too much now. i do think that going for early promotion will kind of help show my ability to my lead, which would/should make him more confident to keep investing in me.

of course, there's a caveat. mentor figure said that he'd only go for september promotion if he felt he was ready. do i feel ready? i'd say kind of, but not really...which makes me think i'm not ready. he also said that it usually isn't possible to make decisions with 100% certainty, and he'd press on if he was ~70% sure. coincidentally, that's about how ready i think i am now...although i don't know if it's my actual estimation, or due to subliminal influence after our conversation. well, my plan is to have a quick chat with my mentor tomorrow or sometime this week, just to get her opinion on my readiness and check if i'm submitting cases too quickly. don't want to overwhelm her, either.

in other news, i went to the gay bar with gym guy yesterday. he closed on a flat, and i'm really happy for him! other things that made my night included my favourite team of staff being on duty and getting to interact with them, as well as making out with cute bartender for a bit before i left. realistically speaking, i don't think we'll end up together, considering he already has partners in australia. i understand that they're in an open relationship, so i still have harmless flirting and whatever M18 stuff he's ok with to nourish my soul. while i do feel a little let down that someone else snagged him first, i'm not hostile or raging about it. somehow, i think that's a sign of growth. another possible sign of growth is that i'm handling rejection better. a guy politely expressed disinterest last night, and i was just like, "cool, no worries". no thinking what aspect of me he didn't like, lamenting the missed opportunity to do stuff with him, nothing like that! might not be an accurate indicator though, because he wasn't particularly attractive to me. might have made it easier to let go.

after a day's rest on friday (MC-less medical leave for the win; my nose got worse but recovered over the weekend), i'm quite excited to get back to work. ideally, the 3 cases i've submitted will all clear, but let's just see what my inbox looks like. nothing on the calendar this coming week except a workshop on wednesday, so that'll mean half a day in the office, including a welcome lunch with any of the newbies who signed up for the slot that a few other colleagues and i also signed up for. i'm also due to meet N and E for a catch-up dinner on that same day. i'd forgotten about the workshop when we scheduled it, so it's a nice coincidence! probably going for a star wars movie marathon with the guy after tuition on saturday afternoon, where i'm hoping to get (and leave) a few more mementos. he marketed it as "cuddling and yelling at terrible plot", which i can definitely get behind. i don't think there's M18 activity involved, which i'm fine with too. would be nice to connect with him on a deeper level!

-random thought of the day: Bought a new fan with climate vouchers!-

Been sneezing more than usual since yesterday. and my nose started running last night, which meant that i didn't sleep well. i woke up at 8:55 today, yet somehow managed to shower, do rubbish disposal, catch the bus, and make it to the office by 9:30. again, i'm so grateful that i live so close to work, and my office isn't super picky about what time we arrive and leave, as long as we hit our numbers.

good thing i arrived and settled down before my lead came looking for me! he told me that we might have a week-long exchange with japan later this year or early next year, and he's planning to nominate me and a senior to attend on behalf of our division. i think my brain shorted out a bit after it registered what he said. consider this: counting the 3 newbies who just joined us yesterday, plus the 6 not-so-new-newbies from last year, and one colleague from the same intake as me, i am the 11th-most junior person in my division of over 30 people. that my lead would even think of nominating me is surprising, to say the least. of course, he did give me the usual caveats - nothing is confirmed yet, plans may change depending on the japan side, keep it confidential for now. i have several thoughts about this.

first, the suspicious/distrusting side of me feels like my lead could be using this as a carrot to get me to go for promotion in september. granted, it is a huge, delicious-looking carrot, so he definitely knows what buttons to push. the reason i think this is because he also mentioned that such opportunities are rewards for good performance, and it would look better if i got promoted before going for it. also, me hitting the promotion target in september would give him more justification to nominate me. he's not wrong, and i can see the logic in what he says. at the same time, my earlier promotion would also reflect well on him, so it could be argued that his motives are not entirely selfless. plus it will mean that i lose out on a potentially higher increment and bonus next year, which he's tried to justify to me by saying promotion is also a form of recognition. again, he's not wrong, but from my point of view, it doesn't let me maximize the reward i could be getting, which is kind of a bigger pain point since i lowballed myself.

the trusting side of me says that my lead is looking out for my interests. i suspect he knows me as "the japan guy", and i'd also previously indicated that i'd volunteer for such opportunities or even to host a japanese delegation if they came over. it makes me feel like he's willing to invest in me, and i'm grateful for that. based on the past 18 months i've known him, plus seeing how he conducts himself at work, i have no reason to believe that he's the plotting/cunning sort. so, at least that gives me some reassurance that he's not cooking up some 4D chess big brain plot. and it's not like promotion is harming me anyway, because if we put the money debate aside, it's still progression.

redoing the cost-benefit analysis with this new thing factored in, there's suddenly a lot more incentive to promote in september. but that's contingent on the japan thing going through; it would suck to make promotion early, and then be told that japan was no longer on the table for whatever reason. the ideal scenario would be promoting later, getting a higher performance grade as a result, and still be selected for japan. sounds a bit greedy, though. as always, it's betting on the best outcome while hedging the risks.

i guess i should ask myself what is better for me in the long run, holistically. considering that my goal is to remain in this company until retirement, i should be focusing on my long-term growth and development. at the same time, it seems foolish to give up on money which seems to be within easy reach. of course, there's one other choice which i've kind of avoided mentioning, and that's to promote and still try to hit 125% of the new target this year. i'm not sure if that will result in a higher performance grade, because my lead seemed to imply that promotion was already the reward for good performance. don't know how i feel about that. i think i'll run this situation by scary JC friend and mentor figure this saturday (maybe SRC too, if she hasn't been traumatized by the NSFW stuff). if i had to guess, i'd say that they'd advise me to go for september promotion and try to max out my points earned this year, because it would put me in my boss's good books, and that in turn is better for my long-term future in the company. guess i'll find out how well i know them on saturday!

-random thought of the day: Blocked nose sucks.-