Been sneezing more than usual since yesterday. and my nose started running last night, which meant that i didn't sleep well. i woke up at 8:55 today, yet somehow managed to shower, do rubbish disposal, catch the bus, and make it to the office by 9:30. again, i'm so grateful that i live so close to work, and my office isn't super picky about what time we arrive and leave, as long as we hit our numbers.

good thing i arrived and settled down before my lead came looking for me! he told me that we might have a week-long exchange with japan later this year or early next year, and he's planning to nominate me and a senior to attend on behalf of our division. i think my brain shorted out a bit after it registered what he said. consider this: counting the 3 newbies who just joined us yesterday, plus the 6 not-so-new-newbies from last year, and one colleague from the same intake as me, i am the 11th-most junior person in my division of over 30 people. that my lead would even think of nominating me is surprising, to say the least. of course, he did give me the usual caveats - nothing is confirmed yet, plans may change depending on the japan side, keep it confidential for now. i have several thoughts about this.

first, the suspicious/distrusting side of me feels like my lead could be using this as a carrot to get me to go for promotion in september. granted, it is a huge, delicious-looking carrot, so he definitely knows what buttons to push. the reason i think this is because he also mentioned that such opportunities are rewards for good performance, and it would look better if i got promoted before going for it. also, me hitting the promotion target in september would give him more justification to nominate me. he's not wrong, and i can see the logic in what he says. at the same time, my earlier promotion would also reflect well on him, so it could be argued that his motives are not entirely selfless. plus it will mean that i lose out on a potentially higher increment and bonus next year, which he's tried to justify to me by saying promotion is also a form of recognition. again, he's not wrong, but from my point of view, it doesn't let me maximize the reward i could be getting, which is kind of a bigger pain point since i lowballed myself.

the trusting side of me says that my lead is looking out for my interests. i suspect he knows me as "the japan guy", and i'd also previously indicated that i'd volunteer for such opportunities or even to host a japanese delegation if they came over. it makes me feel like he's willing to invest in me, and i'm grateful for that. based on the past 18 months i've known him, plus seeing how he conducts himself at work, i have no reason to believe that he's the plotting/cunning sort. so, at least that gives me some reassurance that he's not cooking up some 4D chess big brain plot. and it's not like promotion is harming me anyway, because if we put the money debate aside, it's still progression.

redoing the cost-benefit analysis with this new thing factored in, there's suddenly a lot more incentive to promote in september. but that's contingent on the japan thing going through; it would suck to make promotion early, and then be told that japan was no longer on the table for whatever reason. the ideal scenario would be promoting later, getting a higher performance grade as a result, and still be selected for japan. sounds a bit greedy, though. as always, it's betting on the best outcome while hedging the risks.

i guess i should ask myself what is better for me in the long run, holistically. considering that my goal is to remain in this company until retirement, i should be focusing on my long-term growth and development. at the same time, it seems foolish to give up on money which seems to be within easy reach. of course, there's one other choice which i've kind of avoided mentioning, and that's to promote and still try to hit 125% of the new target this year. i'm not sure if that will result in a higher performance grade, because my lead seemed to imply that promotion was already the reward for good performance. don't know how i feel about that. i think i'll run this situation by scary JC friend and mentor figure this saturday (maybe SRC too, if she hasn't been traumatized by the NSFW stuff). if i had to guess, i'd say that they'd advise me to go for september promotion and try to max out my points earned this year, because it would put me in my boss's good books, and that in turn is better for my long-term future in the company. guess i'll find out how well i know them on saturday!

-random thought of the day: Blocked nose sucks.-