Either the thing about our bodies remembering anniversaries of traumatic events (or as SRC might say, "the body remembers the score") is true, or how today went is just a freak coincidence. given the lack of data points to ascertain reproducibility, i'm going to believe the latter for now. let's hope it stays that way, and that i didn't horribly jinx myself.

by all accounts, today was a great day! i helped my biologist batchmate search for some chemical structures, had lunch with gym guy, got some good news from my lead, and cleared 3 cases of varying difficulty with my mentor. yet, i started feeling down halfway through my gym workout. i guess it's a mix of thinking too much, both in the work and personal spheres.

for work, i suddenly started worrying that i wouldn't be able to hit the september promotion target. not sure why, since i appear to be on track. and the difficulty of the most recent bunch of files my lead assigned seems to be on par with previous cases. so, why am i suddenly worrying? doesn't make sense. i think i'll have to check my point balance and calculate/project how many cases i'll have to complete per week until september. that should ground me.

in the personal realm, i just feel a bit out of sorts. could it be from gym guy telling me about his thailand encounters? i don't think so - i'm very clear that he's not a relationship prospect, so i don't think it's jealousy. perhaps it might be related to my recent lack of interest in looking for guys. could be that i've been overdoing it the past couple of months (or arguably, the past half a year!), but i do think i want to focus  more on non-M-18 connections until end-september, at least.

on to the good news - my lead told me that the exchange trip with japan was confirmed! it's set for the first quarter of next year, meaning that if i play my cards right, i might be able to extend my stay in japan by taking leave right after the exchange. then scary JC friend and mentor figure can just fly over to join me. still a long-ish way into the future, so no point planning too much now. perhaps this unknowingly added to my pressure to hit the promotion target in september. feels kind of like a trade - i get enough points to be promoted, my lead gives me this opportunity. or i suppose the more "normal" way to look at it is like what he said - the opportunity will be an added reward for meeting the promotion target.

while talking to my lead, i also casually brought up the prospect of getting company sponsorship for the graduate diploma in IP. actually, i asked him about the master's course, because the difference between the master's and the diploma is only 2 more elective modules. i'd previously thought that i'd be happy enough with the graduate diploma - also because taking fewer modules would be easier to juggle with my workload. but then, i read on the website yesterday that due to my job, i'm granted exemption from one elective module, meaning that the difference between the master's and graduate diploma is just one module for me. that shifts the balance quite significantly, and makes going for the master's way more worthwhile! my lead also informed me that there are requirements for sponsorship, namely having served 2 years in the company, and a C+ performance grade for the most recent appraisal. not too worried about time in service, because that will happen naturally. plus i already planned to ask to go for the course in 2028. that means i need a C+ for 2027...or does it? considering the application window, i may actually need a C+ this year. whatever the case, my lead mentioned that C+ corresponds to exceeding the KPI target by about 10-25%. with the increased KPI target after promotion, i don't know how successful i'll be. but that's for future me to worry about.

don't exactly feel better now, so i'm hoping a good night's sleep will reset my brain. also, finding out my point total for sure tomorrow should help put my mind at ease, at least a bit.

-random thought of the day: Weird mood today.-