Due to life being basically at a standstill, it takes longer for things to accumulate and exceed the critical mass to warrant a blog post. the last post was close to 2 weeks ago! as you might expect, there hasn't been any significant change, although i do have updates on a few things mentioned in the previous post.

let's start with the air-con. the drain line is still blocked, and siphoning condensed water out of the collection tray every 2 hours or so has become routine. the issue, which perhaps the more perceptive people have spotted, is that i generally don't sleep in 2-hour blocks, so that means having the air-con on throughout the night will lead to the collection tray overflowing and dripping onto the floor. to avoid that problem, my body's somehow trained itself into a kind of "biphasic" sleep routine. i put "biphasic" in quotes because i think a true biphasic sleep cycle has a relatively long period of wakefulness in between the two sleep phases, so the term isn't very accurate in my case. what happens is that i'll siphon the water off before sleeping, generally between 12:00am and 2:00am. i'll naturally wake up 2 to 3 hours later to siphon the water off again. before going back to sleep, i'll turn on the air-con's timed auto-shutoff feature, with the timer set for about 3 hours. i'll also turn the fan on at a low setting to take over cooling duty once the air-con shuts off automatically while i'm still asleep. seems troublesome, but it's better than the alternative of only having the fan on. a fan can only do so much against the hot, humid nights.

i'm still sitting on the response to letter guy. it's a combination of procrastination, having better things to do (final fantasy), and just not knowing how to start. there are many things to address, with him contacting me at my actual physical address being a major point. i also don't yet know what tone i want to take with him in my reply. maybe i should start an outline, that might help get my thoughts in order.

as you might have gathered, final fantasy is my main pastime these days. being part of the guild management now, i'm a little more heavily involved in routine operational tasks, as well as some administrative things that normal members never get to see. it's interesting, to be part of a team with such a different approach to conflict and conflict resolution. they're more upfront about it, and what i find most intriguing/admirable is that they don't take it personally. i'm enjoying it so far, and i'm getting along with the committee just fine. there have been a couple of dicey situations over the past few days, involving members being kicked for botting, feedback received against some people in positions of authority, and an oddly persistent applicant. i'll talk more about the first and third things.

starting with the last thing first, this happened last night/early this morning. to join our guild, you have to go through an interview. nothing really invasive, like we don't ask about your personal life. this applicant mentioned that he wanted to join the guild to "make friends and get them to play". verbatim quote, by the way. i took issue with the phrase "get them to play"; we previously had a bad experience with a (now ex-)member who was expecting to be immediately invited to a party to reclear raids after having joined us for just one day. as a result, we declined this application, in fear of the same thing happening again. normally, most people would accept it and move on to find another guild. not this guy. he started private messaging members who were online and asked them for their interview answers, presumably so that he could try to reapply and smoke through the interview. i don't know, but that just screams "singaporean" to me. always looking for model answers. it's a learning moment for me too - sometimes, people want things so much that they'll resort to weird measures out of desperation. not judging, because i've done it as well. not one of my prouder moments, and it was all for nothing, too. yes, it was related to the ex. also, the grass is always greener on the other side. don't get me wrong, i think my guild is great. but i also know that we are not suited for everyone, and that there are other guilds out there that may be a better fit for certain people.

"botting" is defined as using a third-party program to fully automate certain in-game tasks, to the point where your character still does things despite you not actively controlling them. specific to final fantasy, that's mainly crafting and gathering, although people have been known to bot in dungeons as well. there are those who bot to level characters just to sell the account for profit, but that's not part of this discussion. i've done some reading on botting forums, and the main reason people do it on their personal accounts is to escape the grind of levelling. as someone who has manually levelled all crafting and gathering classes (8 and 3 respectively) to maximum, i do understand the rationale. but the developers have made it so easy to level now, there's no excuse. not to mention various features present in-game to make it less painful - quick crafting, quick gathering (although you still have to move point to point), and user macros, where you can craft with one touch of a button. square enix classifies botting as cheating, which i agree with. however, in a world where natural resources are infinite and there is basically no competition for them, is use of a botting program really "wrong"? i think it depends on the user's desired outcome. i'm more likely to be forgiving to a user who bots to just be self-sufficient, like just so that he can craft his own gear, as opposed to a user who bots for items to sell them at a profit. the reason is that in the latter case, the user is earning money dishonestly, which can be used to compete for scarce resources - namely, housing. having said that, i'd still report both users in the cases mentioned above. thankfully, having money will not give much of an advantage in raids, and the requirement for being skilled at your battle class weighs far more than the advantage that buyable equipment provides.

we're at the point in the current raid tier where i'm in the midst of learning the final fight. i think that i might get very upset with it. well, i say "it", but i really mean "myself for being slow at learning it". had a practice session yesterday, which was good, although i was hoping to progress a little further than where we actually got to. just have to remind myself that it's not a race, and that i can progress at my own pace. it would help to get better gear too, but my loot rolls have been abysmal for the past 3 weeks. here's hoping that that will improve. another thing that i wish would improve is the condition of my left wrist. it kind of hurts at the outer edge of the wrist, or the area that leads to the little finger. i think it might be a repetitive strain injury of some sort. maybe it's a sign to play less?

back in undergrad days, i used to keep long hair, like my hair reached about shoulder-length and had to be tied up. it started out as a "because i can" thing after NS, and it stuck for about 3 years. i only cut it because i was given the opportunity to represent singapore for an international judo event. our result wasn't great, so nothing to talk about there. anyway, the reason i'm mentioning that is that i have absolutely no idea how i managed to tolerate the heat! right now, my hair is like halfway covering my ears and neck and i already feel like screaming from discomfort. the last time i got a haircut was sometime in march, or maybe february. definitely before the CB started. i think that i'll have to go get my hair cut before i go crazy. and with CB ending and singapore entering phase 1 of recovery on tuesday, that seems like the perfect time. have to get the car serviced and inspected too; hope it still starts.

-random thought of the day: I need a shave too.-

Conflict seems to be a recurring theme in my dreams as of late. last night, i dreamt that one of my insurance agents was trying to get me to buy some financial product. that made me lose my temper for some reason, and there was a heated shouting match. well...i say "shouting match", but it was more one-sided where i was yelling at him. it also angered me enough that i removed all my policies under this agent and put them under another agent who i trust more. i have absolutely no idea what triggered this dream, but i think that i should actually consolidate all my policies under one agent. i have 2 agents now, and i don't exactly feel comfortable with one of them. to put it bluntly, i think someone else is better off earning my money. quite sad, considering the full circumstances, but i won't go into that due to privacy concerns.

my air-con decided to malfunction a couple of days ago. it's a particularly bad time, because the weather is hot(ter than usual), and also because CB means that the people who do air-con repairs can't come over to fix it. thankfully, it's not a serious problem. i think that the drain line is blocked somehow, so the condensed water that forms accumulates in the unit and drips onto the floor after a while. what i did initially was to use a dropper to manually suck up the water and transfer it out of the collection tray, but that took too much time and effort. imagine - my dropper's capacity is 2.5mL. there was about 600mL of water in the tray. after doing that once, i got the bright idea to siphon the water out. problem was, i didn't have any hoses/tubes/pipes to use as a siphon, unlike back in the lab. after some quick thinking on my part, i found and used a bendy straw, and that worked. quite proud of myself for thinking of that. so, until the air-con guy can come over, i have to siphon the water off every so often while the air-con is on. and i can't have it on through the night, or the water will build up and overflow. minor inconveniences, but having cold air is worth the hassle.

remember how i received a letter some time back, from someone i didn't give my address to? well, he sent a follow-up. in it, he claims that he deduced my address from a photo i sent him that was taken from my window. considering his area of study, it seems feasible. but the skeptic in me wonders how he got the exact floor right. maybe it's because i can't do it/don't know how to do it, but i find it not really believable. but well...it's already happened, so nothing i can do to change that. i think that i will write him a reply, but i'll have to take my time to plan everything out and say exactly what i mean. at this point, i'm not sure how things will go in the future with this guy. i don't see myself in a relationship with him, or us interacting in any other way, really. so maybe this is more of a closure thing? well, at least that'll occupy some of my time.

the CB is scheduled to end in about 2 weeks. the government has said that things will be restored in phases, which isn't very helpful in the absence of more elaboration. if i had to guess though, i'd say that tuition is low on the priority list for normal operations to resume. i wonder if i'll be teaching from home all the way until i have to resign for JET? guess i'll find out with time. meanwhile, have to get started on the reply.

-random thought of the day: Time to venture out and get a haircut?-

Being sick isn't fun. as you know, i was feeling lousy over the weekend. thankfully, that got resolved by spending a night sweating it out. not the most comfortable experience, but it's usually effective. i might have had a fever, but i didn't have a way to tell as my NUS-issued thermometer was on the fritz. low battery, maybe. i was contemplating going to the doctor, but had second thoughts due to the current situation. my reasoning is that i stand a higher chance of catching the virus by going out, especially to the clinic. so, unless a medical condition is intolerable, or shows worrying symptoms, i'm better off staying at home and self-medicating/resting and letting my immune system fight it off over time.

conclusion is that i'm basically ok now, except for some slight gastrointestinal problems. i don't think it's linked to the headache/chills, so it's just something i have to get over separately. the best way i can describe it is like i feel full/bloated. maybe i've been having too much oily food, as was the case in yunnan almost a year ago. i should take back control of my own meals/nutrition. there are a couple of learning points for me here. first, i have to accept responsibility for myself. second, my issue with junk food really boils down to availability. like, there hasn't been anything snack-y in the fridge since the CB, and i've been surviving just fine. contrast this to some guild members who go out of their way to order bubble tea, and i'm confident in saying that i don't have an addiction. the silver lining is that since that full feeling means that i don't really feel hungry, i'm basically eating one meal a day. good for lower calorie intake, i guess. i'm still on vitamin supplements and don't have much output in the form of physical activity, so i think i'll still be ok.

had a couple of weird dreams last night, first involving being back in JC. nothing too eventful there, just that i dreamt about friends who i haven't seen in a long time. wonder what prompted that? the second dream was about army. i dreamt that they called me back for 24 hours to take care of the building while the company was outfield. there was a whole roster of new people, including a certain sergeant moo. i only know of one person with that last name, and i don't even know that person personally. unfortunately, the dream also contained my CSM from my NS days, who i really don't get along with. after waking up, i asked myself what i'd do if i met him again today. now that regimented army life with him being more high-ranking is just a memory, i'd probably ignore him unless he approached me first. and if he tried to get physical like he used to (not in an abusive way, more like roughhousing), i'd retaliate (perhaps a little more aggressively than absolutely necessary). that's about it. but it's just a random train of thought. i've not seem him since my ORD day 11+ years ago, and i have no reason to believe that i'll ever see him again. even then, some things are hard to shake off, i guess. he was a major source of misery for those 18 or so months i spent in unit. but that's in the past, and i should remind myself so when i think about it.

-random thought of the day: Come on, body. Get better!-

Ever since the CB started, i've not left the house. model citizen, right here! come to think about it, i may not have left the house even before CB started. so that's about 6 to 7 weeks at home. on top of that, i mostly keep to myself at home, so that's 6 to 7 weeks practically in isolation. yet somehow, i'm still starting to fall sick. it's a cough, sore throat, headache combo. don't think it's COVID-related...at least i hope it isn't. in the worst case, i suppose i'll have to go to the doctor sometime next week if the symptoms persist. no fever or respiratory distress, so that's going for me. another thing going for me is that i don't have classes tomorrow, so i get to rest my voice. thank goodness for small miracles.

an interesting development in the guild has left me with mixed feelings. one of the guild officers has decided to stop playing final fantasy regularly, and he informed the rest of the committee about his decision at the most recent meeting this past thursday. this led to the leader looking for a replacement, and he chose me. the rest of the committee were in agreement (or at least weren't in disagreement), so i was promoted! although i feel that this promotion is a good thing, i still have some mixed feelings. of course, i'm happy and honoured that my contributions to the organization were recognized, and being in this new role makes it easier for me to do things for the guild because the rank comes with access to more guild functions. at the same time, a part of me also knows that this promotion doesn't mean anything in the real-life career advancement aspect. like, it's not an achievement i can bring to a job interview, nor does it improve my standing in real life. so, while i'm extremely happy about it, i just wish that my actual work life would go this well too. but to look at it from another perspective, if i can achieve this in-game, what's stopping me from achieving this in real life? something for me to think about, i guess.

it's quite stupid, in a sense, to compare game progression with real life, simply because the circumstances are different. like my in-game character doesn't age, doesn't get sick or injured, and can be revived after dying. not to mention the instant transport from teleporting! i can't even do one of those things in real life! would be nice if i could, though. not to mention being able to change my appearance, gender, race, birthday, etc. sigh. but gaming does teach important skills that are relevant in real life too. being calm under pressure, perseverance, resource optimization, interpersonal relations, all these skills are great to have. i hope that my new appointment will give me opportunities to develop these skills (and possibly more!) further.

going to end this post off after this, because i'm not feeling too good. as stupid as it sounds, it feels like my brain hurts. and coughing just makes it worse. maybe it's because i've been staring at screens too much. it's at the point where i don't think i can survive doing anything intense, which is why i didn't sign up to help the newer members practise the raid fight. also, i went into the last fight for this tier earlier in the afternoon, and thanks to some members being nice and patient, we got past the first phase and briefly saw the second. in terms of total fight progression though, that's like 20%? don't expect to clear it for another 2 weeks at least, but maybe i'll get lucky or super motivated.

-random thought of the day: Hope I can recover soon!-

Got most of the deadline-y things settled already, so that's a relief for me. not so much for my bank account, though, but that's an unfortunate consequence. the CB is still ongoing; what's this - week 5 of 8? somewhere there. no developments on the JET front, but that's to be expected. placement results will come out in june or so. despite life being almost at a standstill, there are still things that i want to blog about. i think that's a good sign, as it shows that my brain is still active.

first on the list is weird dreams. two dreams stand out in recent memory, one involving lawyer guy, and the other involving chemical engineer cousin (on the day of our 8th facebook friend-iversary, no less!). more interestingly, i've been featured in someone else's dream too. scary JC friend just dropped me a text this morning, telling me about a bad dream she had, and my role in it. for the record, i wasn't doing her any harm in the dream. if dreams are truly a manifestation of one's subconscious, i feel kind of touched that her subconscious thought of me in a perceived time of need.

scary JC friend has also been persuaded by her boyfriend to try playing final fantasy. unfortunately, she experiences real-life motion sickness when running around in-game. i've heard of it happening to some people before, but she's the first person whom i personally know to suffer from it. i wonder what the mechanism for this "virtual motion sickness" is. i know she's fine when watching TV/movies, and she can play 2D side-scroller games like maplestory. my guess is that it might be from the camera moving too fast. i don't really get motion sick myself, except when sitting on a rear-facing seat in a bus. it's very specific, too - i don't get motion-sick when seated on the side-facing seats on a train. i can stand facing other direction on a bus too! it only happens when i'm seated. can't explain why, either. anyway, i think that means that scary JC friend won't be playing the game with us, which is fine. i would have liked to share the gaming experience with her as well, but i think it's not essential to our friendship.

many years ago, during the transition from primary school to secondary school, my aunt gave me a book titled "being a happy teenager". it was written by this author called andrew matthews, who i believe is australian. back in those days, internet and email was still fairly new, so i signed up for his email newsletter using my (at that time) brand-new email account. i don't remember how frequent the newsletter was supposed to be published, weekly or monthly. one of those. either way, the newsletters came quite regularly for about a year or so, then tapered off to occasional updates maybe once or twice every few years, before they stopped when i was in sec 4 or JC. recently though, the email updates have started up again, in higher frequency than before. i got like 3 emails in the past week alone. i guess he thought that people could use a bit more positivity in this time. not to mention i think he might be selling something. personally, i've listened to this kind of motivational stuff several times in my life, most notably during an adam khoo weekend training camp in primary 6 (supposed to teach study skills to help with preparation for PSLE - huge waste of time and money) and once again in sec 4, when the principal shipped us all off to some fancy-ish place and inadvertently cut himself when gripping a glass too hard while trying to make a point. personally, i don't really think such motivational events are of much use. it's the "horse to water" thing again. people can bribe or threaten you, but it won't be effective unless you want to change yourself. to be fair, i suppose that these motivational things are a good reminder and source of affirmation, although i wonder how a speaker who has superficial personal contact with you at best can affirm you beyond generics like "you have unlimited potential".

coming back to the email newsletters from andrew matthews, i think his style of motivation is something like the law of attraction. like, you get what you believe you deserve. apparently, jim carrey is a believer of this law too. i wonder if there's any basis to it. some people may say that it's a form of energy, or vibrations, frequencies, resonance. i don't know for sure. i mean, there's no scientific evidence for it so far, but it could just be that the instruments we have today aren't capable of detecting those things. i don't have an opinion of this either way, but i do believe that a person's thoughts affects their behaviour. so maybe, if you believe that you should be rich, you would naturally align your goals in that direction. or if you believe that you deserve a happy relationship with the person you like, you might take the first step to ask them out.

the only inhibiting factor might be fear. like in my case, i'm afraid that things will get awkward with lawyer guy. i think what i'm trying to do is increase my odds of success before doing anything, as is the way i approach most problems. although i'm conveniently leaving out the fact that no matter what i do, he just may not be into me. objectively speaking, i think i should get to know him better. right now, i'd say that we're on good terms, but not close. i've tried starting conversation with him here and there, and it's been...nice. i do want to broach deeper topics with him, but i don't see a good opening to do so. it's probably because he's one of the more quiet members - log in, do stuff solo, log out. i mean, he does help out in raids and stuff when asked, but it's hardly appropriate to broach sensitive topics in the middle of a raid. should find some way to spend more time with him without appearing...desperate.

in my boredom, i've been browsing weird videos on youtube. well, maybe not weird exactly, but more like odd. most recently, i was watching videos on mechanical calculators - how they work, and how to use them for basic operations. there's even a way to find the square root of a number! quite fascinating, really. i never understood how people could find non-obvious things like square roots, logarithms, or exponents in the days before electronic calculators were common. sure, i know what those things are in theory, but how would i go about finding the exact value of say, the square root of 200? well, going about it logically based on my current knowledge, i'd start by thinking that 200 is 20 X 10. so the answer should be between 10 and 20. i know 15 squared is 225, so it's less than 15. working backwards, 14 squared is 196, so it's probably 14.something. from there, i guess i'd just go by trial and error for the decimal places. hardly the most efficient method, but that's how someone with no mathematical talent (aka. me) would do it. i find it amazing that people can generate such complex operations just from simple moving parts. it's really quite beautiful/elegant. not to mention how satisfying it is to hear the keys being pressed. as you may know, i use cherry blue switches on my keyboard, which are the ones that click when the key is pressed. i wrote my whole thesis on this keyboard, too! downside is that some people may find it noisy, and that's something i have to think about for japan. i'm actually very tempted to bring my current keyboard over, but i don't know how well it will handle being in my luggage. that, and the keys themselves are starting to feel a little...grimy/sticky. it's like even though i wash my hands before using the keyboard, i'll feel like my fingertips are being coated by some residue after a short period of typing. i hope that it's just residual oils and stuff that have been left on the keys, and not the plastic degrading or anything like that. i read that denture-cleaning tablets can be used to clean the keys. something to try after CB is over.

before i go back to final fantasy, i just want to talk about it a bit. more specifically, i want to talk about raiding. it's weird, but i have an odd fear of raiding. or rather, i should say that i have a fear of stepping into raids for the first time with random people. i don't know why; it's irrational no matter how you look at it. the worst case is that i die in-game, and there's no serious penalty for that. i'm telling myself that i need better equipment, but people in the guild have cleared with equipment that is of similar level to mine, or worse. i think that that's something i have to overcome within myself. so far, i've managed to clear 3 out of 4 fights while the content is still current. should have more confidence...the fight is just a little long and complicated. have to break it down into manageable bits.

-random thought of the day: Need better ways to spend time.-