RSS news feeds are something which i normally just scan through (my keyboard's LCD display was preconfigured with them, and i figured i might as well leave them there). occasionally though, some interesting bits of information make their way onto the LCD panel. yesterday, i saw this snippet: "JET program may receive funding cuts". being curious, i went to read the full article, and found out that JET stands for japan exchange and teaching. it sounded interesting, so i googled "JET program" and read up more about it on the official website.

basically, the gist of it is that if i'm accepted into the program, i'll spend at least one year (up to a maximum of 5 years, depending on several factors) in japan, helping to teach english to schoolkids there. it pays pretty decently, too. as of yesterday's exchange rates, we're looking at about SGD56 000 per year. i don't even need to be fluent in japanese! some of the testimonials written by previous participants said that they had zero knowledge of the language when they applied, and that they learnt it on the job. besides, given my judo-and-anime-fortified vocabulary, i think i'll pick it up reasonably quickly. as an added bonus, i can train with a local judo team and refine my technique even more. most of the prerequisites have already been satisfied...stuff like being fluent in english, being interested in japan, not having lived in the country for more than 5 years, being younger than 40 years old, to name a few examples. there is something major which i'm missing, however, and that is a bachelor's degree in some field. so, if i do decide to sign up, it'll have to be after i graduate at the earliest.

of course, it can't be all positives. while reading through the website, i also read about the various troublesome administrative procedures, like closing bank accounts, settling payments and arranging for tax rebates before leaving the country (yes, i know it's quite a long shot to read about what to do when you leave before you even get there). then there's the whole culture thing. stuff like buying presents for superiors, certain behavioural protocol to abide by in the course of everyday life, and in an interesting twist, facing the challenge of reassimilating into your own culture after your term is up. by extension, i'll have to catch up with developments in the chemical world after that. being asian, i don't think that i'll have much problem with the reassimilation thing...but you never know. singapore is a tad more westernized than japan, so things that we may do or say without a second thought may be offensive/awkward to/for the japanese. but like i said, i'll only qualify for it after graduation, so i still have several years to think about it...though it doesn't help that singapore is quite poorly represented. there have been only 2 singaporeans who went for the program in its 23-year history. definitely not very morale-boosting.

it may come as strange for me to suddenly read up about (and be interested in) something like that. truth be told, it's not all that strange. recalling a conversation i had with my cousin while he was back in singapore, he mentioned that living alone actually felt quite liberating. to be honest, i wouldn't mind giving it a try...even though it means that i have to be self-sufficient for laundry, groceries, (maybe) cooking, and other stuff. my logic is that if i can survive outfield, surviving in an urban jungle shouldn't pose a problem. i guess it's just a phase, where i want to be independent and live 100% on my own for some time. who knows? maybe i'll grow out of it after a few years...or maybe not.

the one thing that i've been wondering, though, is how my family and friends will react if i do go for it. once again, i know that it's far-fetched to think so far ahead, but my mind wanders when it's bored. can't help it. anyway, based on what i know about them, my family should be ok with it. after all, they only saw me on weekends for two years (and even then, not every weekend) while i was in the army. my friends, too, are more than likely to survive without my presence for a year. heck, some might even welcome the idea. to be honest, i can leave almost everything/everyone behind (assuming i'm coming back, of course!), except one person. you guessed it — the same person whom i've been referring to so far. though that person doesn't know it, their opinion can actually sway my decision. damn me and my irrationality. but looking at it from another point of view, maybe leaving that person behind might not be a bad thing. for all i know, there may be someone else waiting for me in japan. i'll never know unless i actually do it, so no more speculating for now.

as for stuff that has actually been happening, wednesday's training was fun. while sparring, the coach only allowed the students to use 2 techniques...one of her choice, and one of theirs. too bad she didn't allow me to join in...that's what tomorrow is for. i realize that if i want to make progress in/for my (currently weak) shoulder throw, i have to force myself to use it. and what better way to do that than by making sure that i use it often during sparring? i've decided on a second technique that will complement it, so i'm actually looking forward to testing it out tomorrow.

weird dreams have come back to...something me. initially, i was going to write "plague" or "haunt" in place of the "something", but i realized that those words don't exactly fit. it's not really a negative thing, since several of those dreams were actually quite entertaining. too bad that i don't remember all of the main points, let alone all of the details. i just wish that i could remember all of my dreams in their entirety. on average, i'd estimate that i remember one dream in every 25, and even then, it's an incomplete recollection. on the other hand, though, there are some dreams that i'd rather never remember, so maybe my inability to recall everything is a blessing in disguise.

today was extremely annoying. the primary school cancelled training barely 2 hours before it was scheduled to begin. apparently, there was some funny conference for the teachers that they either forgot about or were informed of at the last minute, leaving nobody free to bring the kids down. i wouldn't be half this annoyed if i knew about it yesterday, or even early this morning. instead, i had to find out by going to my boss' place only to see that he was still in home clothes. i would have appreciated an SMS as soon as he found out, just to be updated as early as possible. normally, i'm pretty laid back about information-passing, with the exception of work-related matters. thinking about it, if the roles were reversed, i'd definitely want to inform the people under me as soon as possible. despite my preference for last-minute things, there are times (such as this one) when it doesn't apply. sadly, though, there's nothing i can do, since the school is the one who determines the schedule. doesn't stop me from feeling irritated, though.

luckily, there was a silver lining to today's dark cloud (which is a pun as well, since it was raining almost all day). an email sitting in my NUS inbox told me that the spectroscopy corequisite module that i didn't manage to secure has been pre-allocated to me. oh joy. this means that i can focus the rest of my points into bidding for analytical. i have no idea whether they took points away in exchange for the allocation, but i sure hope they didn't. at any rate, that's one load off my mind. hopefully the next round of bidding goes more smoothly than this one did.

-random thought of the day: Next week is the last week of the holidays. Oh noes.-

Walking aimlessly around the neighbourhood normally helps me to clear my head and think straight. as luck and/or uncle murphy would have it, it didn't work tonight. well...to be fair, it worked, but to a very limited extent. i still don't have the answers to most of the questions that came up, but i do feel a little better about life in general.

quickly retracing this evening's route, i started by going to the community centre to watch the aikido class. i have pretty mixed feelings about aikido, as i've mentioned before. even after tonight, that didn't really clear up. i think that aikido has practical self-defence value, but i just don't like how impersonal it appears. for instance, one of the kids forgot his grading card or something like that tonight, and the instructor didn't let him begin training until someone went home and brought it down for him. while it can be argued that this is good discipline in following the rules, i think some allowance can be made, no? having seen that, i decided not to join the community centre's class (it would probably clash with this coming semester's schedule, anyway).

after making that decision, i went to research NUS aikido when i got home. the stuff i found wasn't too encouraging, either. apparently, there are several schools of aikido, and not all of them are affiliated to the governing aikido body. what's worse, there appears to be more than one governing body, and consequently, more than one style of aikido. confusing much? well, it's kind of expected, as martial arts generally have more than one school. example: taekwondo has the ITF and WTF (world taekwondo federation, not the usual thing it stands for in daily life). even judo has the IJF and the kodokan. the difference between aikido and the other two martial arts, however, is that they are somewhat more unified. in judo's case, the IJF mostly agrees with (and in fact, takes reference from) the kodokan on training syllabus and methods, as well as competition rules. so there's no ambiguity about whether the technical knowledge possessed by a person of a certain belt rank in one country is the same as (or at least very similar to) that of another person of equivalent belt rank in another country. i'm not sure about taekwondo, but from what i know, WTF rules are used in the olympics, so there's at least an indication of which style is more "correct" (for lack of a better word). aikido doesn't define these things clearly...not to my knowledge, anyway, so i'm seeing a bit of a grey area.

my research has also yielded the fact that aikido appears to be quite commercialized/money-minded. most of the club websites that i went to stated that the policy was to collect 3 months' fees in advance. some even required students to join another parent club in order to be eligible for grading. now, being involved in the teaching industry myself, i can't really blame them, because i know that the clubs/instructors probably have inherent difficulties...even more so if this is the instructors' primary source of income. maybe i'm too used to receiving free judo instruction (although you can argue that i work for it by helping to teach the juniors), so associating money with learning martial arts is a pretty foreign concept. well, except for grading. that can't be helped. admittedly, it took a while to get used to that idea, too. i don't know...it's kind of messed up. if this was an ideal world, anyone could pick up whatever sport they wanted, and all coaches would coach because they loved their sport, not because they have to make a living. sadly, you can't live off passion, so money will continue to matter when you want to pick up a sport.

after watching the aikido class for a bit, i took a walk around j8 and the various nearby buildings. sometime then, my thoughts turned to my future...coaching future, that is. my main career in the chemical industry's been set for quite a while now. going by the looks of things, i won't be furthering my official coaching qualifications this year. not only will attempting to do so clash horribly with my schedule, the senior coaches' (aka. my potential instructors') preoccupation with the YOG also makes it a bad time for them to be teaching. as far as official qualifications go, i'll most probably go for bowling practical level 1 next year. if time permits, i'll also do NCAP theory level 2. practical certification for judo won't come that quickly, since i don't meet the prerequisite of a black belt just yet. assuming i pass next year's grading, i'll go for the next available practical and refereeing course (unless there's another waiting period). unofficially, my skills are still advancing, since coaching and training are still ongoing. each session that i attend adds to my knowledge and experience, and prepares me for the official certification. by the time i graduate from NUS, i'll hopefully have at least level 2 for theory, bowling and judo. if my information is correct, that would qualify me to be head coach at the school level for those 2 sports. should things go my way, i would like to start judo in cat high. either that, or help out in the bowling side once again. both of these would help to fulfill one of my goals, which is to give something back to the school.

the last major topic that came up in my head was (well, is) one that has never really left the forefront of my thoughts in the past few months. that person. as much as i want to accept my irrational behaviour and drop the matter, i can't. the damned scientist in me won't let it go that easily. it's still trying to explain why i'm doing the things that i'm doing. if you haven't figured it out by now, that roughly translates to, "i'm fighting a losing battle with myself". is finding an explanation really that important? i know that i care deeply for this person (more deeply than is normal for just friends, at least), and would go to extraordinary lengths for them. that should be good enough, right? my heart accepts this, but my brain either can't or won't. i'm beginning to suspect that something's wrong with me...well, wronger than normal, at least. on the bright side, it's not interfering with my daily functioning, nor do i think it will. that's one less cause for worry.

the results of CORS bidding had yielded some pretty depressing results. looks like i allocated my points wrongly. the spectroscopy theory module proved to be extremely popular, requiring at least 705 points for a successful bid. oddly enough, its corequisite was a 1-point module. that does not compute. logically speaking, the second module should be equally popular as the first, simply because they're corequisites, and the same number of people should be taking them both...unless chem minors and/or people from other faculties only have to take the first one. that's about the only logical explanation i can come up with. analytical chem proved to be popular, too, with a minimum of 400+ points for a successful bid. this sucks. if tomorrow's round of bidding follows a similar trend, i don't see how i can secure my cores and have enough left-over points to tank for future semesters. that's why i'm desperately hoping that the people don't go all kancheong and bid 2000 points again. incidentally, how do they even have 2000 points in their account!? if they're second-year students like me, the most they should have is 1800. damned kiasu seniors. bleh.

-random thought of the day: Must visit The Sake Inn soon!-

Typically, most people use their sundays for rest, relaxation and recreation. as you probably know by now, i'm one of the weird people who work on sunday. spending close to 12 hours going from place to place to give tuition is no mean feat. thank goodness i had the car. and despite how the post may have sounded initially, today's round of tuition actually went pretty well.

RGS girl is looking a little less lost now, since her school is covering mole concept again. finally, her answers look more presentable and are easier to follow from start to finish. now, if only i could get her to kick her funny calculation habit and show a little more...awareness towards the subject. all in good time, i suppose.

SJI boy is still a little too relaxed for my liking. considering that his prelims are in about 3 weeks' time, i worry because he doesn't know what the 2 different types of polymerization are (amongst other things that he should know but doesn't). but as i've told him, his prelims can go a number of ways. (1) he does poorly, is demoralized, and gives up. (2) he does poorly, and is spurred on to improve. (3) he does well, and is motivated to score even higher. (4) he does well, gets complacent, and ends up neglecting the subject. i've told him to avoid 1 and 4 at all costs. personally, i'm ok if either option 2 or 3 happens, though i'd much rather prefer 3 because it's more positive. right now, my short-term goal is for him to score an A1 for his prelim. based on last year's SJI sec 4 kids' performances, it's not impossible. actually, i have pretty high hopes for this kid. he has the potential to be my first O-level chem A1 student. unfortunately, both his seniors didn't make the mark (they got an A2 and a B3). if this guy doesn't get the A1, i may have to seriously re-evaluate my teaching methods.

the next kid is the one who confuses me. outside of tuition, i love him almost to death; i really do. but after reading some of his answers in his mid-year paper, i was so tempted to take "death" in the most literal way possible. i wouldn't be so mad if it was a forgivable error, but mentioning intramolecular forces when discussing melting point differences is a big no-no. what's worse — i remember warning him about it when he was in sec 4 last year. i hope it's understandable why i got so annoyed. but to his credit, he's serious about his work, as evidenced by his better performance in my blank periodic table test.

RJC girl (aka. my friend's sister) is doing ok. went through VSEPR, chemical bonding and energetics today, though not in as much detail as i would have liked. then again, she's doing H1, so i figure that i have some leeway there. one thing that bugs me immensely, though, is that she has somewhat of a confidence issue when it comes to chem. i mean, she's a girl, and my friend's sister, to boot. i can't, won't, and don't use my normal violent style like i do when teaching the guys. even when i'm being nice, she still tells me that she doesn't know how to answer my question, even when i tell her to just hazard a guess, and that there's no penalty for a wrong answer. that totally contradicts my teaching style, because i expect my kids to face the subject with the same attitude that i have, ie. with confidence, and believing that the subject is brainless. well...i have the rest of the year to complete my brainwashing. since she's an athlete (i think all the siblings are swimmers), i can use my coaching knowledge to help the process.

all in all, i'd say today was a really good day for tuition. ideas and concepts seemed to flow really smoothly. i just wish that i could show the kids how my mind works, and how i see certain things. i think my kids underestimate that particular ability of mine. i asked one of them how long he thinks it took me to come up with the structure for P₃O₁₀^5-. he told me 30 minutes. imagine his surprise when i told him that the actual time taken was 1/15 of his guess (come to think of it, it was actually even shorter than that. i checked my answer twice, too). it's not that difficult, actually. you just have to know where phosphorous and oxygen are in the periodic table, as well as how many bonds each can form. i'd like to think that that helped him appreciate my insistence on him doing the blank periodic table. but back to the main point, wouldn't it be something if i could copy and paste my chem knowledge into a file, and transfer it into my students' brains? i'd charge something like $1000 per transfer, and i'd be set. if only...

coming back to the real world, the topic of me getting my own car hasn't been raised with my parents recently. i'm actually feeling pretty neutral about it now. i mean, either it comes, or it doesn't. i'll survive either way. after all, i'm getting my driving fix/practice on weekends, which is when my dad does his best to let me have the car (which is something i'm extremely grateful for, by the way). funny how things can just fall into place with a snap once you step back and look at the bigger picture. now, if only i was enlightened enough to apply that to ALL aspects of my life.

like i mentioned some posts back, i'm beginning to suspect that i have latent masochistic/self-harming tendencies. why can't i just be content with the current situation!? this doesn't refer to the car...i've got over that already, as i've just mentioned. this applies to some other part of my life. there's a perfect phrase to describe this. in cantonese, it goes, "yan sam mm zhee zhok"...or something to that effect. the first time i heard that, my (nonexistent) cantonese-translation cortex translated it to "ginseng and chicken porridge". testament to my skill, huh? for the people who (like me,) only know enough cantonese to get into trouble and not out of it, what it actually translates to is "man heart don't know leg" "人心不知足", or that my heart doesn't know contentment. weird thing is that i'm normally pretty easily satisfied. this is one of those anomalies that make life...life, i guess. i suppose one way i can convince myself is by treating this as a purely economic situation. there's no point in pushing this business venture further, because the odds of failure compared to the odds of success is close to 100:0. so, maintaining at the current level is the most economically sound option. doesn't stop me from wishing that things were different, though. but for now, i'll just sleep on it. after all, my lifetime promise has been delivered already, so i should feel somewhat better/reassured. keyword: SHOULD.

i suppose i should mention training yesterday. some photographers were floating around in the dojo. i don't know their actual purpose, but if i had to guess, i'd say that they were taking photos for a YOG article which will appear in newspapers really soon. after all, distance and height breakfalls aren't done as part of the normal training routine (though i think that they should be!). hopefully, they didn't take any photos of me. and even if they did, i hope that they don't use them. being the camera-shy person that i am, i'd probably die if any of my friends saw my face in the papers.

oh look...the rain's stopped. the residual cool weather, plus the fact that there's no more lightning to watch, should make falling asleep tonight pretty easy. just as well, since i have to be up early tomorrow to start bidding on CORS. bidding aside, nothing extraordinary should happen this week. not that i know of, at least. for now, the routine's pretty much the same...with training on wednesday and coaching on friday being the highlights of the week. meanwhile, bedtime.

-random thought of the day: I should chase for my coaching salary!-

Most of my activities put me in a role in which i'm the one giving advice. that's why it's a nice change to be in the "junior" role for once, when i asked some seniors for opinions on what modules to take for this upcoming semester. after hearing their input, it looks like i won't be taking inorganic just yet. apparently, the semester 2 lecturer is better. i will, however, be taking both spectroscopy modules (they're co-requisites, so not much choice there). now, i have to decide what to pick as my last module. i have 3 choices: organic, physical, and analytical. it won't make much difference when i take analytical, since it's the same lecturer for both semesters. my senior has recommended that i wait for semester 2 to take organic, since the professor is supposedly better. as for physical, i've heard that both semesters' lecturers are equally good, so i'm kind of stuck. looking at the overall picture, however, it would make more sense for me to take spectroscopy and analytical together, since they're kind of related. but if i did that, that would mean taking organic, inorganic and physical next semester. it seems kind of intimidating, having to tackle the 3 main branches of chemistry simultaneously. guess i'll wait for CORS to come back up and see which one fits my schedule better.

as for the non-core modules, i'll probably get SS over and done with this semester. based on what i've heard from friends and seniors, most people are quite willing to spend an S/U on their SS module, so i'm prepared to do the same. that doesn't mean that i won't try my best, though. if possible, i'd like to save my S/Us for any unexpected sucky grades. that just leaves my last module to fill. i saw a couple of interesting candidates, though i can't exactly remember what they are right now. i'm quite inclined to go for either the einstein's quantum theory one, or the professional communication one. we'll see about that once CORS comes back up.

in general, i'm hoping that i don't have early days. quite impossible, but i'll try my best. as usual, i'm keeping wednesday afternoons free to go back to CJC, and friday afternoons free for coaching. if all goes well, tuesdays will be my lab days, and i'll slot tutorials into any spaces on mondays and thursdays, or even wednesday mornings as a worst-case scenario. unfortunately, the drawback of this arrangement is that my days will end correspondingly later; up to 8:00pm. sure, i may be more tired, but on the bright side, there should be less people on the bus for me to get annoyed with.

for this upcoming semester, i'll definitely have to work harder to pull my CAP back up. with the removal of facebook, i'm hoping that that will be easier to accomplish. with any luck, i'll be able to use my time in school wisely and do most of my studying during the day. then, whatever spare time i have can be used for lab reports and other random assignments, leaving my sunday free for tuition. i have a kid taking O-levels this year, so i can't afford to miss more sessions with him than necessary. but before all of that, i'll have to wait until CORS comes back online and start bidding for the modules first. since that won't happen until this coming monday, i'm off to sleep. need energy for training tomorrow. one of the more experienced seniors is coming back, and i have to be at full alertness if i want to really benefit from his kata lesson.

-random thought of the day: Should I join NUS Judo?-

Being the emotional retard that i am, it should come as no surprise when i say that baring my soul to anyone is really tough. yet, in a (seemingly) suicidal move, i decided to tell that person how i've been feeling, face-to-face. somehow, none of the stuff that i drafted out on word seems adequate. guess it's difficult for words on paper to replicate the emotional depth that their spoken counterparts can express. as expected, getting my point across was tough, but all in all, i think i did a fairly decent job of expressing myself. that person's still a little unsure about how/what to feel, but i don't blame them. in fact, i kind of expected it. after all, i didn't really sort out my own feelings towards this matter for a couple of months. most people aren't equipped to deal with odd revelations. finding out that someone will go the extra mile for you with no strings attached can't be an everyday occurrence, right? even worse, i still don't think i understand myself completely as far as this matter is concerned, so i can't expect others to do so. now that the matter is more or less settled, i hope that some semblance of normalcy will come back by the coming saturday.

"it is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you're not". that's really good advice, and it generally holds true regardless of what stage of life you're in. unfortunately, it may not apply in some unique circumstances, as i found out first-hand earlier during the talk. before i get condemned, let me clarify. i didn't lie about myself/who i am. i just...withheld certain parts of the truth. it's like if my dad asks me to top up the car's petrol at SPC, but i do it at shell instead. if he later asks me, "did you top up the car?", my answer would be "yes". it's one of those moral grey areas where i'm not explicitly wrong, but i'm not completely right either. i figured that that person didn't need to know the WHOLE truth just yet, considering how they reacted to what had already been said. maybe, in a couple of years, circumstances will allow me to reveal everything. right now, however, things are looking fairly decent, so i shan't brood about it any more at present. once again, i don't know if any more sagas will erupt. at any rate, i'm holding my breath and praying for the best.

having that out of the way now leads to a new question — should i reactivate facebook? on one hand, i've been surviving without it for more than a month now, and i really notice the amount of time that has been freed up. not that i'm using all of it productively, but at least it's there in the event that the productivity bug bites. at the same time, being without facebook is kind of crippling. the information just comes through slower, if it even comes through at all. i can safely say that i've definitely missed out on some recent developments in my friends' lives. so, it all boils down to pros of one vs. cons of the other. while having facebook will keep me very updated with my friends, it will also cause distractions when i have to work at the computer. trust me, i've lost count of the number of times i've stopped mid-way through a lab report just to refresh the home page. not having facebook, however, means that i can focus on work and even free up computer time for other non-virtual pursuits. of course, this comes with the price of finding things out late, or sometimes missing news completely. i don't know. personally, i'm slightly more inclined to leave facebook off for now, because i'm actually wondering if/how the upcoming semester's grades will be affected by this little alteration. in truth, i'm also reluctant to reactivate facebook because i'm a little scared of what i'll find when i start browsing through profiles...especially a certain someone's profile. not to mention that my own profile needs a little cleanup. perhaps during my december break, then.

recently (well, after the japanese buffet on monday), my appetite has decreased quite drastically. i can practically survive on one meal per day. actually, that's what i've been doing for the past 2 days. what's more, there was training today. quite remarkable. i know it's not healthy, but i don't feel any worse for wear even after training on an empty stomach. guess i'll monitor the situation and act appropriately (should the need arise). on the bright side, if this persists, i'll not only save money on food, i'll be able to work through those full-day lab sessions with even more focus when school reopens.

oh, school. there are slightly more than 2 weeks of holiday left, and the remaining time's counting down FAST. CORS bidding starts tomorrow, as a matter of fact. it's only round zero, so it's like a look-see-look-see type of thing. even then, i've done some preliminary research on the CORS website. from the looks of things, i'll probably be taking organic, inorganic and either analytical or physical as my 3 cores. or i might be crazy and take organic, inorganic, and 2 spectroscopy modules for a 4-core semester. haven't given much thought to electives yet, but i plan on getting SS over and done with by this academic year, so that's one less choice for my electives. guess i'll see who the professors are and what modules the other faculties are offering before coming to a decision. bidding proper begins this coming monday, so i still have time to spare. perhaps i should get in touch with the lab tech. i'm sure he'll be able to recommend something that works out.

talking about deep, emotional matters has left me quite drained. sure, i'm a lot more relieved, but i'm tired out nonetheless. here's a quick rundown of upcoming events: a bit more spring cleaning/reorganizing tomorrow, as well as logging into CORS for that look around. don't know what to do on friday. assuming that i don't have coaching, it looks like a nice, relaxing day. maybe i'll read up on nage-no-kata or some similarly-interesting topic(s). weekend routine is the same...training on saturday and tuition on sunday. even though genius girl has paused, i'll still be seeing 4 kids on sunday. go figure. it's not that hard to come to a logical (and correct) conclusion.

-random thought of the day: I actually gave Amaths help over MSN. Go me!-

"Nature tends towards disorder"...that's what they taught us in physical chem. i guess it's true, because after seeing the previous 5 posts posted in 2-day intervals, something told me to break the sequence by waiting one more day before posting again. in a way, i suppose it's good, since today's events alone would probably have warranted another blog post.

anyway, to start from the top, there was training on saturday. one old senior came back! prior to this, i think the last time i saw him was in 2009, or even before then. he has a BJJ background, so his groundwork is definitely above average. i'm quite impressed by one of the J1 kids, who managed to hold his own while sparring with that senior. all in all, it was one of the better (and more fun) sessions. went to PS after that for lunch at carl's jr., where we noticed that while the prices have gone up, the serving size seems to have shrunk. inflation at work. walked around the place after lunch, and saw quite a few interesting sights...most noticeably the swords and related weapons in caesar's. didn't really have much to do after that, so we went our separate ways. on the way home, i detoured to the hospital for my weekly (at least i'm hoping that i can make it every week) visit. nothing much to report at the moment, except that he's recovering quite nicely. and as much as i wish the recovery process could be faster, i know that there's no rushing some things. so, all in good time, i guess. went home after that and had a nice, relaxing evening. it feels good to just isolate yourself and not think about anything. i should do it more often.

sunday was spent giving tuition. thanks to the car, i was able to execute my plan of seeing 4 kids in a day. RGS girl is still kind of lost. i don't know why she wants to stick to her method of presenting answers, especially when it's so unclear. guess old habits are hard to break. that aside, she appears to be able to understand most of what i say, though i have my suspicions that the absorption/retention rate is not 100%. thankfully, SJI boy and genius girl are coping ok. i'm more worried about the former, because he'll be sitting for his prelims in about a month's time. i find it kind of odd, because there seems to be too little time for revision. either the school is slow in covering the syllabus, or they've scheduled the prelim too early. i'm inclined to believe it's the latter. come to think of it, i'm not even worried for genius girl at all. in fact, i'm kind of sad that she wants to pause her enrichment. it's so refreshing not to have to hold back on explanations and killer questions. but well...i can't get used to that. otherwise, the rest of the kids who aren't freakishly smart would just die.

and speaking of non-freakishly smart kids, the new RJC kid (my friend's sister) falls into that category. i am grateful, however, that she's not as hopeless as my friend first made her out to be. my evaluation is that she just gets intimidated by long questions. once the question is broken down into bite-sized pieces, she's able to tackle it fairly easily. only thing about this tuition assignment that's bugging me is that her house is ridiculously difficult to find, even with a car! i can't imagine having to walk through the estate when i have to give tuition on a car-less day. guess i'll cross that bridge when i get to it.

today was a pretty good day. met up with some friends for a japanese buffet to celebrate someone's birthday, followed by a round of dessert at swensen's. was umm...persuaded to try asparagus ice cream. it tasted pretty much like frozen cream of asparagus soup...very salty frozen cream of asparagus soup. wanted to try the mushroom flavour as well (since i love mushrooms), but i was feeling too stuffed after lunch. definitely over-indulged today. in fact, i'm not even hungry for dinner! looks like i'll have to work extra hard during wednesday's training to undo some of the damage.

fatigue (not to mention that nice, sleepy feeling that comes with a full stomach) is making it difficult to concentrate. i think i'll end my post here for now, and maybe do a supplementary post tomorrow. as a reminder, i want to talk about difficult decisions, school restarting, and perhaps tomorrow's scheduled mahjong game. depending on the events that transpire tomorrow, i may also have some emo stuff to blog about. we'll see how that goes. but for now, it's bedtime!

-random thought of the day: My stomach is full, but my wallet is empty.-

Yesterday was not a good day to be me. in addition to being affected by moodiness, things just didn't seem to go well for me in general. it was one of the worst days i've had in a while. but now that i'm calmer, maybe i can look over yesterday's events with an objective eye to see if my negative feelings were justified.

to start off, we were late for coaching. my boss thought that it started half an hour later than the actual time. by the time we got to SAFRA yishun, the competition had just begun, so there was no time for a pre-game pep talk or anything of a similar nature. nevertheless, the kids seemed to be doing ok, so we coached as per normal. in general, the kids performed at their best on the last day. i'm actually pretty satisfied with the results. after a quick scan of the overall score sheet, i was even happier to see that none of the kids were in the last 10. so...i can live with this year's outcome. what DID annoy me, though, was my boss telling me off for checking in on one of the reserve kids who was bowling as a pacer. according to him, we're supposed to focus completely on the team, and totally ignore the pacers. he also told me that if we were coaching a higher-tier school, and if i did that within a troublemaking parent's presence, i would be in pretty hot soup. my reasoning, however, is that i'm not currently coaching a higher-tier school. besides, i only spent about 30 seconds with that kid, so i wouldn't miss out on much of the action, since approximately that same amount of time is spent in order for me to flit between lanes anyway. furthermore, these are primary school kids. a little encouragement never did any harm. in fact, if it's done correctly, it may spur the kid on to train harder. the difference between his thinking and mine is most likely due to the fact that he was never in a reserve team, while i was a reserve more often than not back in secondary school. so, drawing on my own experience, i'm sure that these kids would like their coach to just check in and give them some encouragement. i sure as hell would have appreciated it back then, but it didn't happen for me. i guess it's true...each individual coach's coaching philosophy is largely affected by his/her own personal experience with the sport. and by "experience", i'm referring to more than just the number of years spent in training.

second thing that got me kind of annoyed was also somehow related to my boss. remember than $20 000 chevrolet aveo5 i was talking about in the previous post? i wanted to call the owner to find out more, but i forgot to take her number down before leaving the house for coaching. since i was meeting my boss at his place before going down to SAFRA, i thought that i could borrow his internet for a couple of minutes to just key the number into my phone. not being the owner of his computer, i just told him the website and how to navigate to the ad. he saw the ad, and told me not to waste my time. come to think of it, he didn't even see the full ad; only the summarized version. that's why i think it's kind of unfair for him to dismiss it so quickly. he then went into a long spiel about how websites weren't reliable, and that the car was most likely messed up, and that i should go the showrooms for a better idea. throughout his monologue, i couldn't get a word in edgeways to explain myself, and that left me extremely annoyed. i know that he's looking out for me and suggesting what his experience tells him are better alternatives, but damn, at least let me defend my stand! having to just sit there was not a pleasant experience, especially when all my attempts to explain were cut off. it wouldn't have been so bad if i had managed to get the number, but he didn't open the page! up till now, i still don't understand why he agreed to check the website for me if he didn't show me the number anyway. by the time he was done, i was kicking myself for even suggesting that idea. not that it matters that much now, since the car is still available.

according to the last post, i'm supposed to talk about guilt. i really really cannot stand it when people try to guilt trip me into doing something. take this incident for example. my boss (again) was down with quite a bad case of flu a couple of weeks ago, to the point where he SMS-ed me to check if i could buy him lunch. sadly, that happened on a sunday, so i was out doing my usual rounds of tuition. despite me apologizing and explaining my reason for being unable to help out this time, he sent me the following SMS response, "ok, i'll just starve then.". when i read that, the first thought that ran through my head was 'WTF!!??'. if that doesn't positively scream "guilt trap", then i'm a fairy princess. if any other person had tried that on me, my response would have been, "oh. ok lor...have fun". for reasons that will be mentioned later, i can't bring myself to do that in this case. but back to the issue at hand. it's not like i'm his only student...he can call someone else to do it since i'm legitimately unable to help out this time. it's times like these when i don't know what he's thinking, and i question whether i really know him as well as i think i do.

despite the fact that i've portrayed my boss in a pretty negative light so far, i do know that he actually cares for me...and it shows! in fact, though we're not related by blood at all, he's like a sort of big brother/uncle hybrid. not only that...if he wanted to claim back all the money he's spent on my food, transport and other random things over the past 8 years or so, my bank account would be severely depleted. more importantly, his advice and input has helped me through several rough patches (most notably army). to be honest, i've picked up most of my safe driving habits from him, too. his intentions are good, it's just that some of the things he says are a little too blunt. even more unfortunately, sometimes, there's no sugar-coating the ugly facts of life. but since we're both cat high boys, i can look past the way the message is delivered to see the value of the message itself...though it may take a longer time when i'm not thinking straight. at the end of the day, though, it's nothing that we can't work through. just have to remind myself to be more accommodating.

went to the airport to send my cousin off back to australia after coaching. i suppose that's also another reason for why i was feeling down. we had dinner at sakae teppanyaki, and i shared a lobster set with him. normally, that's not something that i would go for if i was dining alone with him, but since he suggested it, why not? as an added bonus, his parents took care of the dinner bill, so what the heck, right? of course, i know my limits and would avoid taking advantage of a free dinner. the dinner itself was pretty good...though there was a little confusion about the order initially. the chef looked kind of uncertain, so i'm guessing that he's new to either the profession or the location. still, it wasn't anything to be majorly upset about.

halfway through dinner, my cousin was checking his results. turns out he got 3 distinctions and a high distinction. damn monash for not grading on a curve! he was ridiculously happy, though, since he expected much worse. ironically for him as well, his high distinction turned out to be for financial accounting (i think), which was the module that he had the least confidence in. looks like both of our grades got saved by the most unlikely suspect this semester. just one of the many things that we happen to have in common. as usual, it kind of sucked to see him go through the departure gates. oh well. he'll be back in november/december, with girlfriend in tow! i can't wait to meet her.

since my cousin is doing a degree in the finance/accounting realm, i asked him for his opinion of my idea to get the car now. he tells me that he understands my desire for a car, but it's not worth it at this point in time. there was a whole bunch of jargon to back him up; stuff like actual physical value and/or other similar-sounding terms. as you can tell, i didn't really bother to remember them. i *did* remember the moral of the story, which is to wait...though i don't know how long i will be kept waiting. it's dependent on a lot of variables actually, so i don't think i'll get a definite forecast even if i asked for one.

in army, i once said that if one person tells you that you're messed up, you can shrug him/her off. but if that viewpoint is expressed by several people who don't know each other, you have a problem. i guess you could reapply that idea here. so far, several people whom i trust and who have no reason to hurt me are all telling me that getting a car now is not such a good idea. perhaps i should listen to their advice. after all, i can use this waiting period to further fortify my bank account. and if i wait long enough, the P-plates will come off, and i think that i pay a lower insurance premium when that happens. doesn't make the waiting period any easier, though.

early this morning, i overheard my dad talking about selling the current house and moving to a smaller flat somewhere in the north-eastern part of the island. personally, i'm pretty against the idea of moving. discounting all the sentiment and familiarity i have for/with the bishan area, it's still a bad idea to move because bishan is so centralized. we have 2 MRT lines, a pretty good spread of bus routes, and it's all within walking distance. if we move to say, sengkang, going to school would be more of a nightmare than it already is...not to mention going to turf city and CJC (to name two of my currently more regular hangouts). even if some of the excess money was used to get me a car, i would still have to re-learn the roads and drive further as compared to living in bishan. therefore, my final vote on moving: no.

wow. that covered quite a lot of ground. i feel much better now that (almost) all the things that are bugging me have been written out. it's definitely a better idea to blog while calm, otherwise you may end up publishing something that only sounds good in the heat of the moment. i'm quite grateful that i didn't give in to the blogging urge yesterday, when most of the screw-ups were still fresh. of course, the opposite may be argued, that blogging about something after an interval from when it actually happened is kind of like self-censoring your thoughts, and that the raw emotion isn't there. well, i agree with both, actually. it just depends on the blogging topic in question. but let's not delve too deep into the finer details. i have training tomorrow morning, and i need my sleep.

-random thought of the day: When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.-

Deciding to get my butt in gear to go visit the judo kids (and return my library books) today turned out to be a pretty good idea. deciding not to bring my gi, however, was questionable at best, since today's training looked more fun than usual! being gi-less and all, i just helped to do some timekeeping, as well as motivate the kids a little and give them pointers on their techniques. hopefully we do similar stuff during saturday's training session. i realize that i haven't been focusing all that much on groundwork recently. that's not good for my target of being all-round proficient.

interestingly enough, we had a visitor today. this sembawang secondary school kid wants to DSA into CJC by judo, so he came by for a trial. there's a slight hitch, though...sembawang secondary school doesn't offer judo as a CCA. see the problem yet? it's quite rare for someone to DSA using a CCA which they have no experience in. at least i think it is; in my defence, i haven't seen anyone do it before this guy. not that it's impossible, mind you...just that kids who DSA usually have prior experience, especially for a martial art, and especially since he's doing it at JC level. well, from what little i saw, he looks reasonably fit, so training him up should be easier. not to mention that he's pretty big-sized, so he has a sort of natural advantage. since i'm not the coach, i don't know the outcome of the trial. maybe he'll be invited for round 2 this coming saturday.

the other reason why going back to CJC today was a good idea was because i met an ex-schoolmate, who went back to visit ODAC. it was a nice coincidence, because today was one of his rare free days from the SAF (he's a regular naval diver officer who has to serve when on semester breaks). we went to popeye's in toa payoh for dinner (he's been having cravings). as mountain-turtle as i may sound, today was my first time visiting any popeye's at all. heck, i didn't even know that they opened a branch in toa payoh! apparently, there's one in ang mo kio too. wasn't feeling too hungry, so i ate light. besides, i'm not that great a fan of fried food. i'll say this though — the mashed potatoes were good! i'll definitely order it again if/when i go back in the future.

but the good food was secondary. the good company was the main draw. like i've said before, socializing with juniors is different from socializing with friends of the same age. it helps that this particular friend is a bit of a weird kid, too (though i personally think that i have him out-weirded). our conversation ranged from catching up with the happenings in each others' lives, to philosophy and how to live life, to an assortment of other topics. one particular thing which we talked about was living in contentment. it struck a chord with me, because right now, if you look at my situation closely, i'm chasing after something that is quite impossible to attain. perhaps i should acknowledge that, and focus on the reasons to be contented with life as it is. and call it a freaky coincidence, but i just saw one of those inspirational emails in my inbox earlier on. the topic of that email happened to be "letting go". sure, the theory is easy. not so much for the practical, though. moving back to the original topic, talking to similar-minded people is really therapeutic. it's a great feeling when both people are on the same wavelength, and really understand and accept each other for who they really are. too bad that so few people are tuned to my specific wavelength. i should definitely make more effort to keep in contact with this guy.

over the past 3 days, the area around my right eye has been aching. of course, it doesn't help that my eyes are messed up to begin with. i suspect it's a muscle strain, because the soreness is most reminiscent of a muscle ache. i don't know what i could have possibly done to get this sort of injury. can't be judo, because nobody aims for the eyes, and i didn't take any spectacular, eye-damaging falls. right now, my best guess is that i've been over-straining my eye by spending too much time on the computer and/or TV. and before you say it, i haven't been watching things that i shouldn't be watching. kill that train of thought RIGHT NOW, you sick people. on the brighter side, my stomach has more or less settled down by now, and i'm grateful for that. if all goes well, i'll be able to coach at the nationals tomorrow without making any unplanned toilet runs. it's the last day of competition, so i really hope that the kids can find their form and emerge as not-last. and even more hopefully, tomorrow will be the last time i see them for at least 2 weeks. i need a break from the little terrors.

ever been in the situation when a deal was too good to pass up, and you took it despite the unplanned wallet damage? while browsing through the used car websites, i saw an aveo5 going for $20 000. consider this: a typical aveo5 of the same age goes for at least $2000 more. the car in question looks like it's in fairly decent condition, and if the ad is to be believed, i'll be getting it at a steal if i commit to it at this price. the only thing that slightly bothers me is that it's a manual transmission vehicle, and it has been driven by a lady so far. at the risk of sounding sexist, i'll definitely ask for a full servicing report, especially for the gear system. of course, this is subjected to parental approval, but seriously, i'll scream if someone snaps it up while my parents are deciding, and even more if, after the decision process, they told me that they would have given the green light. deals like this come by pretty sporadically, after all. but to put it in perspective, it's a WANT. i won't be any worse-off than i currently am if i don't get it. the only thing that i may feel sore about is the wasted opportunity to get it at such a low price. furthermore, i may not like it if/when i test drive it, so there's that as well. or the gearbox may be screwed beyond repair. seriously though, i'm really gunning for it and hoping that all goes well...though i have to give LOTS more tuition/coaching to make back my potential contribution to the car. whatever the case, here's hoping!

as you know from my previous posts, there's coaching tomorrow. my cousin's flying back to australia too, so i'll be at the airport at around 8:30pm. definitely requires some coordination. apart from that, i also have to get some AAA batteries, both for my mp3 player and the borrowed FM tuner. nothing much has been scheduled for friday, so, if possible, i hope to arrange for a viewing and maybe test drive the aveo5. that is, if i do manage to convince my parents (once again, here's hoping that i do). saturday brings the usual routine of training, then probably an outing. as for sunday, this sunday is going to be a little different. for the first time, i will attempt to see 4 kids for tuition on the same day. RGS girl in the morning, followed by SJI boy in the late morning/early afternoon. genius girl in the later afternoon (it'll be her last session until november or so), then a new girl from RJC in the evening/night to round off the day. this new kid's in J1, and is my friend's sister. funny how my tuition demographic has shifted from all guys to mostly girls. the preliminary information tells me that she's kind of weak and clueless in the subject, but she's in J1. there's still time to pull a miracle off. besides, if i'm not good enough to do it alone, there's still Mr. Lee, who's teaching in RJC. of course, i may not have the chance to see all 4 kids, since SJI boy hasn't confirmed yet. but i think it should be on. in the event that i do end up having to see all 4 kids, i'm insanely grateful that i can drive to their houses, provided that my dad doesn't have to use the car for work like he did this past sunday.

well, that's all the writing that i have energy for today. there are deeper topics, such as guilt, that i want to touch on. but not today. that will probably happen in the near future, though i don't know exactly when. as for now, i'm off to catch some TV before going to sleep. thank goodness we're competing in the afternoon tomorrow, so i can sleep in a little more.

-random thought of the day: Popeye's is actually pretty filling!-

Kick-starting my system with a cup of strong black coffee early in the morning is a bad idea. it's particularly bad when that cup of coffee is drunk quickly, and on an empty stomach. i found that out the hard way this morning, when i resorted to coffee for an emergency energy boost just before the nationals began. barely an hour after finishing my drink, my stomach started feeling upset, to the point where i had to excuse myself from the competition for an urgent washroom visit. funny thing is, this is the first time i'm reacting this badly to coffee. i was fine when i had to take it in school and in army. guess today's brew was a little too strong for my stomach to handle, especially without food to stabilize the situation. oh well. it's always good to learn something new about yourself...even if it's something of this nature. guess i'll have to find an alternative energy source when there's a need for a jump-start in the mornings. either that, or i have to take my coffee only after eating something solid first.

stomach troubles aside, today's competition went pretty well. after last wednesday's performance, i've lowered my expectations to about 50% of their original value. thankfully, the kids were able to meet the revised standards. in fact, i was pleasantly surprised by some of them, particularly this kid who spared a 4-9 split. for a primary school kid, that's pretty impressive...even though luck was most probably a significant contributing factor. sadly, some other kids (the girls) are unreachable. talking to them was like trying to yell through a vacuum. or to use another analogy, it was like a blunt pencil — there was no point to it. they were in their own world, and disregarding most of the coaches' instructions. i suppose it's good that all of them will be graduating this year, so we won't face this during next year's nationals...unless their juniors follow in their footsteps. i'm keeping my fingers crossed here.

as far as competition goes, this coming thursday is the final day, and it's for the quartet event. i still have to learn how to arrange a team properly, because i don't really see the subtle differences between each position yet. it's probably a good thing that my boss settled the lineups, so my job will just be basically what i've been doing so far, ie. providing advice and encouragement. after thursday, i don't think i want to see the kids for a long time...at least a month. but that's subject to their training schedule. for all i know, they might organize training the day after the competition. have to see how things go.

to quickly backtrack to yesterday, tuition was kind of average. as expected, RGS girl had some problems with my homework. maybe i should relook that particular worksheet over...the fourteen-part question has been killing all my students so far. i realize that her problem is less chem-related than it is english-related. it probably doesn't help that she doesn't read the questions carefully. she's the type to just jump in and tai-chi the figures around. that's good...except that she has no idea what she's looking for. i don't know why the concept of using the balanced chemical equation to determine the mole ratio still hasn't registered with her yet. guess she needs more pushing. as for the SJI kid, he's still sleeping through his school chem lessons, and is more than a little distracted during tuition. strangely enough, he seems to understand everything i mentioned during our session. guess i'll put him to the test (quite literally) in a few weeks' time. for this guy, it's time i engaged the higher gears. he's finished the syllabus in school, so my main task is to ensure nothing leaks out of his head until after the paper is done with. it's a tough task, but hey, somebody's got to do it.

coming back to today's events, i met up with my cousin for dinner at bugis (or "at bugis for dinner"...whichever sounds better). we ate at nando's! from the stories i've been hearing, i was expecting it to be more of a fast-food place, but turns out it was a proper sit-down dining restaurant. so that was number one on the "unexpected" list. number two on that same list was the spice level of the chicken. my cousin's been eating this all the time in australia, so he confidently ordered the extra-spicy chicken. being the idiot that i am, i monkey see, monkey do-ed and got the extra-spicy chicken as well. let's just say that my taste buds died after about one-quarter of the way into the meal. luckily, i had enough brain to choose coleslaw as one of my sides...that suppressed the spice a little. unfortunately, my cousin went for a double order of spicy fries, which may explain why he suffered more than i did. i guess my cousin forgot to take the difference between australians' and singaporeans' tolerance for spice into account. well...lesson learnt (again).

following that, we went to iluma/illuma (i have no idea whether that's spelt with one or two L's) to walk around. while crossing the overhead bridge, we ran into 3 of my ex-JC classmates. what a nice coincidence. prior to today, i haven't seen them for at LEAST a year. was good to briefly catch up and find out that they're doing well. due to the burning sensation from the leftover nando's spice, we went for ice cream. the ice cream shop didn't have anything interesting, so we switched plans and had frozen yoghurt at berrylite instead. their chocolate mint flavour tasted pretty good! nice consistency, too. after floating around a bit more, the next destination was bugis street, for some shirt shopping. i didn't get anything, seeing as the shirt designs don't really complement me. was entertaining to see some shirts with funny logos, though. my original plan involved me going home from there, but somehow, i ended up following my cousin to parkway parade (where he picked up winning eleven 10), then for bubble tea, and finally, back to his place where we hung out for a while before he drove me back home. all in all, it was definitely good to get some quality time with him, especially since he's flying back to australia this coming thursday. as a bonus, i picked up the FM tuner for my mp3 player. driving is going to be so much more fun now. all i need to do is fill my mp3 player with more driving-appropriate songs.

just a brief mention about the world cup. it's over. spain won. paul the octopus won't be turned into tako sashimi/sushi/takoyaki anytime soon. if it lives till 2014, i'm placing all my money on all of its predictions. i'm kind of surprised that brazil dropped out early, and i'm even more surprised that last time's finalists didn't have a repeat showing in the finals this time. anyway, my default team (germany) got third, and i can live with that. between spain and the netherlands, i'm happy that spain won. my supporting spain is based on the same reason for my support of germany — the goalkeeper. it's kind of weird, and i can't really explain it, but i tend to favour teams with good goalies. it's irrational, like some of my other preferences in life, but that's just the way it is. then again, i don't watch soccer all that often, so my "support" is actually pretty superficial.

ugh. i still have this queasy feeling in my stomach. it's been bugging me for close to 15 hours now. i suppose i'm to blame for it lasting this long. in retrospect, eating extra-spicy nando's on a weaker-than-usual stomach MIGHT have been a not-smart idea. yes...definitely not one of my brighter moments. on the positive side, i'm feeling very detoxed, considering how many toilet runs i made today. i just hope that despite the abnormal feelings, i'll be able to sleep peacefully.

-random thought of the day: Zatoichi says, "No matter how wide you open your eyes, you can't see what you can't see."-

Sadly, day 2 of precision planning went off with a few hitches. i didn't realize that the tofu tarts sold that well! i got to the place at about 5:00pm, and they were all gone. worse thing is, they are only available from 12:30pm onwards. imagine that...sold out in less than 5 hours. luckily, my boss was able to drive to the main branch, where they were still in stock, so my ass was saved. thanks to my boss, i was able to fulfill my promise to bring the tarts to the alumni gathering. they were pretty well-received, though i don't know if there were leftovers (i left early for training). the ultimate feedback will come when i receive the email summarizing this week's gathering.

training today was shiok! on top of what is quickly becoming another senior's and my normal training routine, all seniors went for five consecutive five-minute bouts. that's 25 minutes of almost-constant fighting (allowing for time to bow, recover a little and all that other random stuff). thankfully, most of my opponents were newbies, though i did get a blue/brown belt for one bout. got a chance to try out some wing chun moves in sparring (damned Ip Man influence). surprisingly, the idea worked pretty well, as the junior i tried it on admitted it was tougher than usual to get his grip. guess there's the surprise factor, too. through the sparring, we were able to see that the juniors are getting stronger. that's a good thing, though they still have quite some way to go in terms of technique and skill. but hey, the seniors have been at that stage before, so we know what it's like. they're progressing nicely. and speaking of seniors, two seniors made a rare appearance today. one of them was my classmate in JC, while the other one was in the neighbouring class. was nice to see them again. hopefully, my (ex-)classmate will come by more often before he has to fly back to the UK. the juniors would definitely benefit from sparring with him.

lunch after training is becoming a pretty routine thing. we went to bishan this time, and i still ended up parking at the multi-storey car park. the rate is pretty decent, actually. less than $3 for more than 2 hours. i'm quite willing to pay that amount, especially when the next-closest alternative (j8) charges something like double that price. of course, there's always the option of free parking at my home parking lot, but that involves a lot more walking. tradeoffs, i guess. anyway, the kids went to get koi...again. i kind of see koi's attraction. the shop front is pretty modern/trendy, and they offer high degrees of customizability for their drinks. come to think of it, it sounds like a non-caffeinated version of starbucks. too bad i'm not readily suckered into these gimmicks. while some of them were getting bubble tea, someone had to ask me a very...interesting question. my response? *facepalm*. it's just so aggravating. that someone is due to receiving a letter soon, anyway, so i didn't see the need for a verbal response.

sometimes, i get the feeling that i shouldn't really be participating in all these out-of-training activities with the juniors. the interaction is nice, especially when we have grandfather stories to tell. but i can't deny that there is a generation/age gap. i mean, i'm 5 years older than the J1s! it's different from hanging out with friends who are your age, you know? it's not so bad when other seniors are around, but you (or i) really feel it when the other seniors have other plans and don't come along. well, as long as the mood remains positive, i won't think about it too much.

visiting the hospitalized judo junior today was a great experience. he can talk again! understandably, his voice is still a little raspy from about 3 months of non-usage, and he's still not talking as much as he was pre-incident. but damn if it didn't feel good to see him talking again! unfortunately, i'm a rather sucky conversationalist (ask anyone who knows me well enough), so there were a few awkward pauses in our conversation while i fished for topics. nevertheless, i'd like to think that i've brightened up his day a little, because he sure as hell made my day so much better.

my plan for this evening was to stay at home while the rest of the family went to my cousin's place, and use the peace and quiet to finish my letter. due to some sudden plan changes, everybody's at home right now, so i do not foresee any letter-writing tonight. well...that can be pushed to tomorrow afternoon, after tuition. hopefully the planets will align to give me a couple of noise- and people-free hours. i promised myself to finish that letter before the competition on monday, and i will...by hook or by crook.

ok...my plan for the upcoming days has been somewhat revealed already. tuition with my RGS and SJI kids tomorrow (genius girl rescheduled to next week), followed by letter-writing after i get home. there's nationals on monday, and i'll be meeting my cousin for dinner after that (i arranged it with him while delivering some tofu tarts to his place earlier on). hard to believe that he's been back for a week already, and he'll be flying back to australia this coming thursday. will have to coordinate so that i can make it to the airport in time after thursday's round of competition. lastly, there's training on wednesday. still haven't decided whether i'm going for that one yet, but i figure that i have lots of time to make up my mind. for now, i'm off to unwind by watching wipeout on youtube. if laughter is the best medicine, wipeout is the bloody elixir of life.

-random thought of the day: Blog about guilt trips/traps.-

For once, everything in my precision plan worked out fine! i even had time to top up my ez-link card before taking the bus. hopefully, tomorrow's plan goes equally smoothly. actually, tomorrow's plan might not even be fully executed, due to some sudden circumstances. it all depends on the reply to the SMS which i just sent. worst case is, it's pushed off until next week.

to elaborate a little on today's happenings, stopping by the post office to get stamps made me remember that i had to get envelopes to put the letter in and stick the stamp on. the nice lady at the counter showed me some envelopes which had stamps pre-printed on them. kind of cool no? at the risk of sounding mountain-turtle, it was the first time i saw such a thing. now i'm wondering why the post office still sells separate envelopes and stamps when they can be put together like that. maybe it's for the collectors or something.

teaching genius girl has become kind of...repetitive. i'm basically telling her stuff that most JC kids are learning, and i've even gone into the 4 quantum numbers, which is at university-level. to remind you all why you should be stunned, she's in sec 2 this year. even though NUS high kids are supposed to be accelerated, this is kind of pushing it, no? at any rate, we'll see what else comes up during subsequent sessions.

my computer has been dying on me more often as of late. it started about...2 weeks ago, i think. i highly suspect that bugs or similar small things have been fried on the motherboard, resulting in poor electrical transmission. or maybe one of the circuit components is due for replacement. perhaps i should find time to open up the CPU for a good vacuum. if that doesn't solve the problem, i may end up sending it to the shop.

while on the topic of technological difficulties, blogger's newest post editor has started messing up for me, too. the posting window just won't load properly! to work around that problem, i've reverted to using the old post editor. interesting to see that the non-breaking space problem doesn't happen in the old editor. and that's good. but it lacks some of the stuff that the new editor has. oh well. i'll live without it, like i have been doing for the few hundred posts made without the new editor.

oh, look. the reply just came in. unfortunately, it's still a little ambiguous. looks like i'll be bringing them after all, but only a "small quantity". that doesn't really say much, does it? it's all relative, depending on the number of people who actually show up for the gathering. i think i'll bring 4 boxes (that's 24 tarts). if they're not that popular, i suppose i can take the remainder to training for the coach(es), senior(s) and kids.

i still haven't been able to write that letter in peace. it's not easy pouring your heart/soul out, knowing that people could be watching. i don't mind so much when i'm blogging, since people are going to read it anyway, but private letters are a whole different matter. maybe i should consider waking up extra-early or staying up extra-late to finish it up. but that's only phase 1. phase 2 involves me actually transferring the letter from microsoft word to paper by hand. but that should be easy. only thing is i have to make sure i get some semblance of privacy, and concentrate on not making any manual typos.

letter-writing worries can come later, i guess. right now, the most important thing is to get a good night's sleep. there's coaching tomorrow, and i'm not entirely sure about the training programme.

-random thought of the day: Old post editor = shorter paragraphs. I wonder why?-

Coaching at the nationals is the latest thing that has made me wish that i had byakugan. other things so far include judo, driving, and of course, watching too much naruto. crash course in naruto terminology: byakugan is a hereditary eye ability that gives a person 360-degree scope of vision, allows the person to see energy flows, as well as underneath stuff...sort of like x-ray vision. not to mention it lengthens the range of vision up to a possible 10km. if i had that, i wouldn't need mirrors when driving, and i wouldn't have to run from lane to lane while coaching. judo would be easier with visible energy flows, and don't even get me started on the potential applications of x-ray vision. but...that's wishful thinking. never hurt to dream/fantasize a little, though.

as the above paragraph has sort of given away, nationals have started. we just had the individuals event today. that will be followed by the doubles event next monday, and the quartet event three days after the doubles. as far as performance goes, the kids have been performing below my standard thus far. it's like they've gone two steps forward, three steps back...like they've forgotten whatever we've taught them during training. previously, i mentioned that i would be happy if they broke 100 for all their games, but even that didn't happen. in fact, we had more sub-100 games than above-100 games. even our supposed junior and senior star bowlers' forms were off. strangely enough, my boss seemed to expect this. then again, he's been to more nationals than i have, so he's more familiar with how kids typically perform at competitions. well, all i can do is push them a little harder during this friday's training session, and hope/pray that they perform better in the next 2 events. as a side-note, it turns out that i AM getting paid for coaching on competition days after all! yays. it makes the mental stress a little more tolerable.

my precision-planning skills will be tested quite a bit tomorrow, and even more on friday. for tomorrow, i have to drop by the thomson post office to pick up some stamps, then go for genius girl enrichment. not too difficult. just have to make sure that i do things in that exact order, since the post office closes at around 5:00pm. there's no way i can get stamps after enrichment, since that ends at 5:00pm too. as a guideline/reminder, i'll have to leave the house earlier...at 1:00pm, or 1:15pm at the latest. but tomorrow's just a warm-up. friday's the real test. coaching is on at OCC from 2:00pm to 4:00pm, and i have to synchronize it so that i can make it down to the general novena area by 6:45pm to collect the tofu tarts which i intend to bring for saturday's alumni gathering. when i write it like that, it actually sounds quite feasible. and it is, barring any unusual traffic conditions or my boss wanting to have post-training debriefing or similar murphy's law-related stuff like that. actually, the most probable scenario is that i overestimate my free time, and end up being late despite getting there early. of course, i'll have to call in advance to ensure that they have the required quantity of the stuff ready for me to grab and go when i'm there. after that, the next-biggest problem is after the goods have been picked up. i don't want their freshness to deteriorate any more than necessary, so i'm going to have to hustle on the way home. of course, there's the issue of car access on saturday, and backup plans...but i'll cross that bridge when/if i get to it. right now, the most important thing is making sure that tomorrow and friday go smoothly.

do you think it's kind of odd for me to have to get stamps out of the blue? admittedly, the only time i get stamps is when i'm sending my christmas cards, so why get stamps when it's five months too early? well, it's because i've decided to write a letter. not just any letter...this is quite possibly the hardest letter i've had to write in my 21 years of life. then again, that's not saying much, considering this is, at most, the fifth letter i've written in those 21 years (christmas cards and school assignments don't count). i consider this letter important enough to the extent that i'm drafting it out on microsoft word before actually putting pen to paper. so far, it's been difficult, because there's a lot of emotional stuff there, and i want it to sound just right. as you know, it's very easy to convey the wrong message across when writing about this sort of stuff, especially if you aren't there for the recipient to immediately clarify any doubts. as of now, the draft is incomplete, but after the competition, i'm feeling too mentally drained to work on it tonight. maybe tomorrow. at any rate, it must be mailed by monday, before i start coaching the kids in the morning. i have to find peace with that issue, better sooner than later. besides, less worrying/emo-ing will help me to focus even more. for now, i'm probably going to call it an early night. mental stress + nice thai dinner = conducive sleeping conditions.

-random thought of the day: Dinner has satisfied all my current curry cravings.-

"There was a time when i was so broken-hearted; love wasn't much of a friend of mine..."

guess which aerosmith song those lines come from? don't bother googling it if you don't know...i'll give the answer at the end of the post. but before we get that far, let's fill up the body of the post with what's been happening in the (unexpectedly long) non-blogging interval.

my prompt from the last post was about of mice and men. it wasn't a very long book...about 150 pages at most. the theme, though, is quite a heavy one. it's basically about making tough decisions — "life-and-death" kind of tough. the book definitely provided lots of food for thought. while i will most probably never find myself in either of the main character's shoes, i've thought about what i would do if i was in a similar situation. i doubt that i would be able to do what one of the characters did, but yet, whatever he did was the most feasible/practical option. hmm...guess it's a good thing that i don't live in those times.

the primary school nationals are starting next wednesday. judging by their performance during last friday's training, i'd say that the kids are far from ready. i mean, come on...it's the last training session before the competition and people are still fooling around and yelling at/to/with their friends! definitely not ready. in a way, it's the coaches' fault, because we were more focused on techniques than on discipline. actually, i'll be grateful as long as they don't make fools of themselves on the lanes. thankfully, there's no pressure on us to win. personally, i'd be happy if all of the kids' games broke 100. it may not seem like much, but believe me, it's actually a lot to ask for from these kids. have to see how things go. as a side note, i just found out that i'm not getting paid for coaching at the competition. apparently, we're not really coaching during the competition...more like supervising. bleh. but it's not all about the money. it's the experience that ultimately matters.

all that happened on friday. had training as usual on saturday. wore my brown belt for the first time! the novelty of a new belt colour is a powerful thing. makes you feel invincible...the drawback is that it wears out pretty quickly (for me, at least). i think the novelty of the brown belt should last longer, though, considering that it's the last colour before black. i'll test that theory next saturday. and speaking of saturday, i wanted to bring a few boxes of those tofu tarts (refer to the previous saturday's post) down to the alumni gathering. too bad there were logistical difficulties, like the shop closing at around 7:30pm and only opening at 10:30am. not to mention that the tarts are only available after 12:00pm. so, the plan is that i'll go down and pick up about 4 boxes of tofu goodness before they close on friday night, then refrigerate them and bring them down on saturday morning before going off for training. by the way, i stand corrected. according to several blown-up newspaper articles in the shop's window, the tofu tart filling contains no egg at all. the tofu filling is somehow mixed/cooked/baked until it is the same consistency as standard egg tart filling. it sure fooled me...

seems like AMK hub is becoming the new post-training hangout. at least there's reasonably-priced parking a reasonable distance away, so i don't mind that much. would be better if it was at bishan, since i have free parking there. anyway, we watched the new Ip Man movie. it was good in general, though i think that some parts (like the final fight scene) were a little too far-fetched. i'm also a little...offended by the way that they portray japanese martial arts, but i do understand why they did it. it was set during the build-up to the japanese occupation, after all. nevertheless, it was entertaining. personally, i think it wasn't really worth the $10 weekend price. so, i'd advise anyone who's interested to watch it on a weekday. watching the movie also provided some food for thought, regarding fighting styles. i guess it's true — there is no such thing as one supreme fighting style. styles have to adapt to change, while maintaining their foundation at the same time. makes me want to learn about other types of joint locks to supplement my existing knowledge. maybe it's time to reconsider aikido?

my cousin's back from australia! it was nice to see him again yesterday. somehow, MSN correspondence doesn't replace meeting face-to-face. he'll be back for almost exactly 2 weeks, so i definitely plan on catching him for dinner or something similar before he flies off again. just have to ensure that whatever i plan doesn't clash with nationals or any other important stuff.

going to make the part about today shorter, because it's getting late. had tuition with the RGS girl. went through mole concept and calculations. i don't know why, but she seems to be resistant to adopting my method of presenting answers for mole calculation questions. well, i won't force the issue unless her presentation remains atrocious. had a little chat with her mother after the session. she's satisfied with my style of teaching, so that's a relief for me. good thing i brought some homework for the girl, because she asked me whether i would give any homework or not. for once, i had it on-hand to show her. go me for being uncharacteristically prepared!

also went to see my boss, in preparation for the upcoming nationals. as a result, i have to draw some strike and spare lines, as well as some other arrows to mark the ball's path on our lane charts. we took an impromptu trip to thomson plaza to get some of the stuff we needed. turns out that we forgot one of the most important items for line drawing — permanent marker. looks like i'll have to drop by popular tomorrow morning to get it. can get a haircut at the same time, provided that the nice barber opens that early.

-random thought of the day: The song title is Cryin'.-