News came in! it's nothing super earth-shattering, but i just got twitch affiliate! it's a level up that gives a streamer some additional tools, and most importantly, allows them to start earning money from their streams. while i have no plans to make streaming my full-time career (unless i somehow make twitch partner in the next year; then i'll give it serious thought), i think making a bit of extra cash without any significant effort/investment is nice. i'll probably look to getting my streaming layout a bit more polished, add some emotes and stuff to entice subscribers. that would require a small cash outlay, but my plan is to keep it affordable, ie. under $100.

i'll be honest - i got really lucky. one of the guild members roped me in to do a raid that has a niche (but large) community. and they seem to enjoy watching my stream to see me panic and die! to give myself credit too, i took advantage of this opportunity in what i feel is a rather smart way. see, apart from having 50 or more followers, affiliate status is contingent on three other requirements, that a streamer (1) streams on 7 different days; (2) streams for 8 hours or more total; (3) has an average viewer count of 3 or more; within the same 30-day period. each raid day gave me 3 hours stream time with an average of between 5 and 9 viewers. skipping over the boring maths, i found that all i had to do was stream on an additional 4 to 5 days, for maybe 30 minutes each time. even if there were zero viewers for those other short streams, the excess viewership from the 2 raid days in the calculation would ensure that the total average viewership stayed above 3. and that's how i got twitch affiliate in 3 weeks. granted, the follower requirement took almost 6 months to achieve, so 3 weeks is a bit of an oversell. summing up, the best way to get twitch affiliate (in my opinion) is to first build up your follower count, then somehow get lucky and have a really awesome stream day(s). work out the stream schedule that you need to hit all the requirements, and do it. i would say getting followers is the most time-consuming, but having a good stream day is harder because it really depends on luck. of course, you could do it the "ideal" way - slowly build a community with regular viewers, but that requires a significant time investment due to the need for consistent streaming.

made more progress on the to-do list, bus tickets are now paid for. that was a whole mess in itself. both my credit cards (aeon and rakuten) were declined by the website. and in trying to see whether i would exceed/had exceeded my credit limit, i inadvertently locked myself out of my aeon account. the weird but good thing is that aeon allows you to make another account and link your card to it with minimal fuss, but the username of the account that was locked, even on accident, is permanently unusable. i kind of get it from a security standpoint, but it was so annoying! now i know to request for a password reset if i forget again.

since paying by credit card was off the table, i had to use the other option, which was to pay at a convenience store. navigating the machine took several tries, but i got it in the end. unfortunately, the payment method was cash-only, so i missed out on the 125 points that i would have gotten had paying by card worked out. well...no biggie. the most important thing is that i managed to pay, and my bus is booked.

the remaining items on the to-do list are: call bus terminal to reserve a parking lot, and to pack for the trip. just as a reminder to myself, i will need to bring:

- my passport

- gifts for scary JC friend's party (sake, senbei, a pen)

- a change of clothes

- pump bottles

- my wallet (transfer the cards into it - pasmo card too!)

got the sake yesterday while cycling around town to check in on the kids. i realize that i'm not using my grocery bike that much; a spider had started to build its web between the rear wheel and the nearby wall. will look into selling it off, probably around july/august when the new JETs come. also, the 1.5 hours of cycling gave me mild-ish sunburns on both my forearms. guess it's a sign that spring is coming - the sun is getting stronger. i'm still red and the area feels warmer to the touch, but at least there's no pain.

last thing before going for raid - the IELTS writing component is giving me some stress. part 1 is easy enough, writing a formal or informal letter. part 2 is an essay, which requires a bit more formal/academic-sounding language. 40 minutes to write 250 words or more sounds quite doable, actually. it's just, i haven't written something of the required level for a long time. my writing here is super casual, and academic writing is too formal. for full disclosure, i should say that it's been way too long since i've written anything high-level academic! hopefully i can get back into that groove in the remaining...3 weeks before the test.

-random thought of the day: Golden week next week!-

Can't remember when exactly, but i read an article about "using the good china". while it could be interpreted literally, its broader meaning is that people should be more willing to use "special" things. because after all, things have a lifespan. i remember some time back, one of the judo elders brought out a super old bottle of champagne/sparkling wine to celebrate our SEA games medal, but the cork had rotted and the liquid had oxidized and become undrinkable. the idea extends to money too. now, i'm not saying that you should go out and blow your life savings, but there are times when it wouldn't hurt to spend a bit more.

with that background info, i decided that i should be a little kinder to myself. while i think that i can manage the IELTS even when not well-rested, i figured that i should give myself the best chance of getting a high score. that led to the decision to go into osaka on saturday and stay a night before taking the test on sunday morning. that way, there's more allowance for unforeseen circumstances, too. the rest of the plan remains unchanged - sightseeing by myself, then meet scary JC friend on monday night before catching the night bus back to kochi in time for school on tuesday. not super ideal for my health, but i'll live.

speaking of special things, i still have to make the pen purchase. or more accurately, a pen and 2 nib units. and here's an example of where some restraint can be exercised. because i'm getting them from a US site, i have to pay in USD. so i'm waiting for the exchange rate to tip a little more in the SGD's favour before making the purchase. it'll save me some money, which can't be said about the current JPY to SGD exchange rate. if this persists, i'll probably end up only exchanging the bare minimum amount required for my next move. i heard that i can keep my japan bank account open, which is good too, since i'll need to pay residence tax eventually.

by some alignment of the planets, all the kids won't be in school on friday. each grade has a different reason, too! going to use the opportunity to clear a leave day. my favourite class is doing their work experience. calling it an internship isn't quite right, because they only work for three days. at any rate, my plan is to go to some of the workplaces, just for moral support and to say hi. might test their english if i'm feeling troll-ish, but we'll see how that goes.

-random thought of the day: Might have exciting news soon!-

Done:

booked IELTS test date

reserved hotel (payment at the property)

reserved bus

applied for leave

to do:

pay for bus tickets (by this friday)

call to reserve parking lot at bus terminal (after payment)

buy local sake for scary JC friend

pack (including passport)

decide whether to take the tuesday off or not

right now, i've got about 12 days of leave that will be forfeited if i don't use them by august. considering taking 2 days off a week for 6 weeks, or maybe when the kids have exams. i'm actually tempted to see if my supervisor will allow me to convert them into unrecorded days off, but my hopes aren't high for that.

that aside, i don't really have much else to say now, considering it's only been a couple of days since the last update. guess i'll end here, and post again when i can check off more items on the to-do list.

-random thought of the day: Actually looking forward to the trip now!-

People solve problems in different ways. i tend to favour trying to gather information by myself and having a go at it first. if that isn't enough, my next course of action is to tap on the people around me. even if no solid solution is offered, sometimes just hearing about their experiences gives me ideas or inspiration for a new approach. this was the case with the australia situation. i'd just remembered that one of my JC friends migrated to australia with her family, and so i reached out to her on facebook to ask about her experience. she very kindly shared it with me, and it made me relook my options. the most important thing i learnt from our conversation was that it's possible for the work experience part to be waived. not saying that it applies to my occupation/application, but it gives me hope.

talking to her also made me relook the occupations i wanted to nominate. it turns out that i'd missed a critical detail in my earlier planning - both IP lawyer and teacher of english as a second language are not on the list that matches the visa i want to apply for! without going into too much boring detail, different jobs fall in and out of demand in australia as the economy's need changes. at present, IP lawyer is on the regional occupations list, which means if i want to nominate that as my occupation, i'll have to apply under a visa that only lets me live in regional (rural) areas. teacher of english as a second language is on the short-term skills shortage list, which can only be used to apply for short-term work visas. chemist, on the other hand, is on the MLTSSL (medium- to long-term strategic skill list), which is required to apply for a PR visa. so in that sense, my hands are kind of tied in terms of what job i can/should nominate.

with this new bit of info, my plans have changed. the latest plan right now is to take the IELTS and send in my expression of interest as-is. getting a band 8 average or above will put my point total at 75, which is comfortable, i think. not going to say that it will guarantee me an invitation, but it's better than just hitting the bare minimum of 65 points. considering i don't know how long it will take for them to issue me an invite, if they do so at all, i'm still going to proceed with my other routes, ie. job applications in singapore, and requests for sponsorship. i don't know how the latter will work though, but no harm asking.

the next tangible step i can take is booking a date for the IELTS. kochi, being ulu, does not have a test centre. my nearest ones are in kobe and osaka, so guess who's going on a trip again! and by coincidence, scary JC friend is due to be in japan around end-may, so i'm timing my trip to coincide with her visit. her itinerary is kind of...not ideal for my schedule, so i'm compromising by taking a day off work so that i can be in osaka at the same time as her. even then, it's a fairly whirlwind trip - get on the overnight bus on saturday night, reach osaka on sunday morning, take the IELTS on sunday afternoon, stay over a night, do some of my own sightseeing, meet her on monday night, then catch the overnight bus back in time for school on tuesday. it's quite ambitious, and honestly, i'm worried about how the potentially non-restful sleep on the night bus will affect my test performance. but i figure it won't be too bad - i can help by taking melatonin on the bus.

well, that's a step forward! i'm happy that i found something concrete to do, that will (should) (may) improve my chances. reminder to self that i still have to book the IELTS test date, pay for the bus tickets, apply for leave, get my school lunch cancelled for the day, buy a present for scary JC friend, and withdraw cash. it's going to set me back close to 50000 yen, but if i get an australian PR visa in return, it'll be worth the money.

-random thought of the day: How does a native speaker study for a language test?-

Hosted my JET friend and his wife for a night earlier in the week. while i didn't expect any payment, his wife brought me min jiang kueh, which still tasted good after a night in the fridge. imagine how good it would have been fresh! better than that, she has experience with getting australian permanent residency, and she very kindly shared her experience/knowledge with me. unfortunately, after doing a bit more reading, i saw that i can meet all the visa requirements except one - skilled employment. the way i understand it, i have to nominate a job for which my skills will be assessed. it's not a formal test or anything, more like a background check of qualifications and experience. there are 3 possible jobs that i could nominate myself under - chemist, IP lawyer, and teacher of english as a second language.

considering that my degree is in chemistry, i more than fulfill the qualification requirement to nominate "chemist" as my occupation. however, i don't have experience working in a chemical company (research undertaken as part of grad studies doesn't count), so that's a no-go. and while i have experience in teaching english as a second language, i don't have the qualifications. given my desire to divorce myself from teaching, neither do i want to work towards it - so that's out too. the last one, IP lawyer, is the worst because i don't have the qualification or experience, and yet it's the thing that i want to do the most right now. as far as i can tell, i'm stuck. but i did ask my friend for the contact of a migration agent, just to see if they can tell me about any other available options that i might have missed out on.

based on the current situation, i think i have 3 main routes to choose from. in no particular order, they are (1) the study route - do a masters in IP in australia, which will then lead to working there; (2) the sponsorship route - asking an australian IP firm to sponsor my visa there; (3) the work route - gaining a few years of work experience first, then applying for an independent visa to australia. let's analyze each option.

first, the masters route. it's the easiest to get into, i suppose, although my preferred program (the one offered by the university of melbourne) has a work experience requirement too. this option is good as it gets me closer to both IP and working/living in australia. the downside is that it's expensive. i can expect to pay about AUD 50000 in school fees, which is basically all my savings from JET. that hasn't accounted for other expenses like visa fees, rent, general moving expenses, etc. i'd rate this option 3/5. not my first choice, but something i can consider as a backup plan.

next, sponsorship. i think that this is the best route because it allows me to start accumulating work experience immediately. and i also heard that some companies will sponsor their employees for the masters in IP as it's required for patent attorney qualification in australia. while it's good, it's also the hardest because there are strict laws about visa sponsorship in australia. among other things, the company has to prove that there are no eligible local candidates, and there might be a skills assessment requirement too. so, it would be great if a company could get it to work, but that's a big if. this option gets a 3.5/5 rating because while it is my first choice, there are a lot of factors outside of my control.

lastly, the work route. i'd say that this is a longer-term thing, especially because qualifying as a patent attorney in singapore is notoriously difficult. also, there's a soft time limit. the points system for australian visa application rewards applicants who apply when they're younger, ie. a 25 year old applicant would earn more points than a 35 year old applicant. that eventually leads to a hard cutoff, which i believe is 45 years old. the typical qualification time in singapore is 4-7 years, so at the worst case i'll be 42 by the time i get it. of course, there is a way to kind of play the system by working as a chemist for a couple of years, applying for the visa based on that, and only then starting to work in IP in australia once the visa is approved. it kinds of sets me back another couple of years as far as working in IP is concerned, so i'm not sure if i want to/can afford to take this route. rating: 2/5.

of course, there are other options, like giving up on australia and basing myself in singapore, or working as a chemist for a year in japan, then applying to australia based on that experience. each has its own pros and cons, and i don't quite want to get too in depth into it right now. briefly, singapore: no visa requirements, but high stress and cost of living. japan: somewhere i'd like to live, but language barrier (including chemical japanese) plus harsh work environment. it seems that there is no "best" choice in this case - each has its own significant cons. question now, is what should i do?

sidetracking here for a bit, i suppose i should ask myself why i don't want to continue teaching, whether it's english or science. my answer to that has been that it's always the same content year in, year out. there's nothing fresh about it! some of the JETs with teaching qualifications said that the challenge is in finding new/better ways to teach the same content. i guess the issue here is that i don't value that challenge. and while cycling home the other day, i had another realization. there's no progress for me in teaching! oftentimes, the teacher is the smartest person in the classroom. for my case in particular, i'm not learning anything new about the subject. meanwhile, i see how the kids are making progress, and it makes me feel...stagnant. of course, i'm progressing in other aspects, like my japanese language ability and intercultural "sense", but as far as science is concerned, there's nothing new. i think that's also why i'm interested in a career in IP, because it regularly exposes me to new ideas, concepts, and their physical manifestations in the form of the inventions for which protection is being sought.

back to the main question, what should i do now? well, the good thing is that i can do things concurrently. i can get advice from the migration agent (hopefully that comes through), ask australian companies for sponsorship, and apply to IP firms in singapore, all at the same time; casting a wide net, so to speak. it's still too early for me to be thinking too far in advance, considering as i don't have enough information. or to put it another way, there are too many open doors now. i need some doors to close first, to see if i'm ok with the options that are most likely to succeed. from there, i can then decide whether to go through a door, or to find new doors if nothing is particularly appealing.

disclaimer: i'm not a suicide risk. having said that, i have thought in the past, and more frequently in recent days, that all this wouldn't matter if i just kicked the bucket through circumstances out of my control. like getting mauled by an angry bonito or something. i mean, none of this will matter then, right? ideally i'd pass away peacefully after a long and fulfilling life/career. preferably in my sleep, or one of those quick "dead before hitting the floor"-type deals. of course, i don't wish for death, or to be dead...but i just think it'd be easier. i'd worry less, at any rate! it's not a productive train of thought, so best not to dwell upon it for too long. just going to acknowledge that i sometimes feel like that, and send the thought on its way.

my latest cooking experiment is kaya. finally decided to be brave and give it a shot. the process i used is basically the same as the one for making creme patissiere, except for the substitutions of coconut cream for milk, and palm sugar for white sugar. because i didn't want to have leftover coconut cream or milk, i not-smartly decided to make a big batch for my first attempt. started out with 4 egg yolks for 1.4L of liquid, then realized it wasn't thickening enough. added another 2 more, still felt it fell short. so i added regular flour and tapioca flour...which was my mistake. see, if you don't disperse tapioca flour well enough in the liquid, or if the heat is too high and it gelatinizes too soon, it will cause lumps in the final product. and considering that the palm sugar coloured the kaya brown, i ended up with something that *GROSSNESS WARNING* resembled vomit significantly, in both texture and colour. but if you can look past that, it tastes pretty good! comparable to commercial kaya, but this one set up into more of a pudding texture, instead of a spread. i blame the tapioca flour. at least it's still spreadable. well, now i know!

perhaps it might be better for me to make some plans...give myself some things to do, and to look forward to. golden week is the week after next, so the thought is to schedule calls with the australian IP firms in that period. the ideal scenario is that at least one firm will agree to sponsor me, and possibly even help me to begin the visa application process. but that's like, super low odds. more realistically, i'm expecting a polite refusal. but it never hurt to know! the target here is to send out emails early in the week, like monday or tuesday. that should give enough advance notice. it would be too early to start applying to singaporean companies now; i'll start that process later in the year...maybe after summer break. i'm not expecting to get hired by the first company that i approach, so i figure i'll need a few months' buffer time. it's actually possible that in a worst-case scenario, absolutely none of the firms respond positively. while i will need a plan for that eventuality, i'd like to think that i won't be quite that unlucky. never hurt to be prepared, though.

-random thought of the day: Feeling more and more tired.-

Good end to the work week! although there was school today (observation day), we finished strong, i think. had a good class with the new sec 1s. although there was a little bit of pressure as it was an open class that parents could watch. i'd rate it 9.5/10! my impression of the new english teacher is getting better and better. she actually does interesting activities in class, instead of sticking closely to the textbook. i guess it's a different teaching philosophy - the previous teachers seemed to have passing exams as the main goal, whereas the current teacher places more importance on communication. it's the same in the smaller school - the teacher there also thinks being able to communicate in english is more important than blind memorizing of words and phrases. i think that mentality affects their lesson planning in terms of what kinds of activities they choose to do. oftentimes, it results in them choosing activities that are more fun for the kids. what's better, the new teacher incorporates computer use into her class too. such a refreshing change from 100% blackboard work! unfortunately, i'm still somewhat of a human tape recorder, but it's definitely less than last year. i suppose it's somewhat unavoidable, since we (JETs) are supposed to be models for correct pronunciation and all.

recently, i've been falling asleep at the computer every night. i'll doze off at like, 7pm for an hour or two, and then feel sleepy even after waking up. while i usually try to power through for a bit, it got too much for me on thursday. i actually called it a night at 9:30pm, which is the earliest i've gone to bed in a long time - almost a year, probably! makes me wonder why. my activity levels are about the same as my previous schedule, in terms of hours in class, at least. actually, it might be lower now, since i now have only 3 periods a day on tuesdays and fridays, compared to 4 when i had mornings in the primary school and afternoons in a secondary school, plus the fatigue from travelling between those schools. maybe it's because despite having fewer class periods, i'm using my brain more? the content taught in primary school is - forgive me - brainless, after all. and although secondary school content isn't exactly rocket science, it does require a bit more brain power. well, at least it's a good kind of tired. the kind that comes from doing something meaningful/satisfying, instead of the frustrated kind that comes from repeatedly running up against a wall, which was how i felt last academic year.

you know how when you have incomplete information, your brain will try to fill in the missing pieces in a way such that the whole story makes sense to you? the problem with that is, sometimes your brain gets it wrong, as was the case with me recently. so back in my first year here, i learned that someone was transgender. due to the highly personal/sensitive nature of the whole topic, i didn't ask too much, and never found out whether the person was trans male or trans female. it didn't help that japanese is light on pronoun use, and a person's name is usually used instead in conversations. the person in question is also fairly androgynous, so no clues there either. just based on my observation about the way they dressed, their voice, etc., i came to the conclusion that the person was assigned male at birth, but was of the female gender (trans female). due to something that happened recently, i found out that the actual case was the opposite - assigned female at birth, but of the male gender (trans male). it doesn't affect my perception/opinion of the person in question. i'm just grateful that i minded my words around the person just based on my knowledge that they were trans, and that i didn't say anything that would have caused them distress! although now that i know the actual case, i'm starting to see other signs that i missed earlier.

on a related note, i'm also very impressed with how the town as a whole approaches the topic of trans people. education about the differences between trans people and cis people (along with other branches of the LGBT community) is done in schools, but they don't make an excessive deal out of it. i think that's important. the take-home message from the one workshop i attended in a school 2 years ago is "LGBT people are people too". speaking for myself here, but as a minority (both in race and orientation while i'm here in japan), i just want to be treated as any other regular person. also, i think the japanese have a really elegant way to describe/explain how a person is trans. in my town, they say (for example) "体は男子、心は女子" - the body is male, but the mind/heart is female. i quite like it because it's clearer. i sometimes still get confused between "trans male" and "trans female", because i sometimes forget which refers to which.

have a somewhat busy day tomorrow - lots of cleaning on the agenda. one of my JET friends is going to kochi city, and he asked to stay a night since my place is on the way. it would help break his drive up into 2 medium-length legs, instead of one super long drive. that means i've got a ton of cleaning and tidying to do. thank goodness for motivating factors!

-random thought of the day: Won't need a jacket soon.-

The feeling of novelty persisted as i went to the smaller school for the first time this academic year today. my first impression of the new principal is "auntie", but she seems nice enough. i also shifted my seat, to a desk with a computer! previously, i had to use the shared one. there are also fewer teachers - we went from 8 subject teachers to 6. the great thing about this school is how close-knit the kids are because of the small class sizes. it feels more like a sibling relationship rather than junior/senior, or even friends! i'm actually quite excited to start class there! all signs point to the likelihood of having a great year there. again, the thought of extending my term did cross my mind. i realize that i'm having these thoughts more often since school started, but to quote captain jack sparrow, "i like to wave at them as they pass by".

went a bit overboard with the tuesday sales at the supermarket earlier and bought 8 heads of garlic. in my defense, each head was going for 30 yen, and there was a package deal - 100 yen for 4 heads. the plan now is to try making garlic bread from scratch, as well as some form of garlic soup. i might do the garlic bread as early as this weekend, but i'll need more ingredients for the soup - garlic shoots and potatoes come to mind.

got another invitation to go for the after school babysitting thing again. now that i'm not teaching in the primary school, that gives me more grounds to get out of it. i'll politely decline and see how things go from there.

-random thought of the day: First formal day of classes tomorrow!-

School felt different yesterday. apart from the fact that there were just ceremonies and no formal classes, i mean. then again, about 2/3 of the staff did get replaced, so having a different feel is to be expected. somehow, the atmosphere feels...lighter? or it might just be the novelty. the new principal is more serious, and just based on first impressions alone, i think he'll be a bit more strict than the previous one. the english teacher (there's only one now) gives me hope. after the ceremonies, we had a brief discussion about how she wants class to go, the english ability of the kids, that sort of thing. she mentioned that she wants to have a short briefing with me about the day's classes every day i'm at the school. that to me is a huge green flag, and i think that we might work well together. i'm mildly worried because she seems to not be very computer-savvy, but it's still too early to tell. we'll see how things go after a few classes. my biggest wish is that she uses me well. a major plus for me is that she's the form teacher for the new sec 1s, aka. my problem class back in the primary school. hopefully she gets along well with them.

it was also nice to see my favourite class again, now in sec 2. it's only been about a week since i saw them, but they seem to have grown noticeably! maybe it's the way they carry themselves as seniors now. so far, things look to be the same; i think we'll have a good school year ahead. i noticed a few of them have chosen not to wear masks now that the mask mandate has ended in japan. of course, they did say people can still continue to wear masks if they so choose, but it's no longer compulsory. makes me think that i should give going maskless a try too. i recently realized that i've become over-reliant on the mask covering most of my face up, so my face kind of shows emotions as i feel them. i think that i've got to work at maintaining a neutral expression that's still comfortable for me, and to not let emotions show on my face immediately...especially negative ones!

one of the JETs told the group that his school had information sheets on all their students, with info such as the number of siblings, character, and even who's dating who. turns out my school also has one, and i got a peek at it yesterday. there wasn't much that i didn't already know, but i did find 2 things out. first, one of the kids in the new sec 1 class and one of the kids who just graduated are brothers. i mean, i knew that they had the same last name, but it's a common one here so i didn't think too much about it. also, they look completely different! i've able to recognize a few siblings because they look quite similar, or they shared an uncommon last name, but both methods didn't work for this case. beyond the looks, their personalities are completely different too. well, it's interesting, but it's not like i can do much with that info.

the second thing i noticed was a bit more sobering. a large(r than i'd thought) proportion of the kids in the school come from single-parent families. previously, i'd been made aware that apart from "people who love drinking", the other stereotype about kochi prefecture is "high divorce rate". the other singaporean JET who's here also said that kochi men have reputations for being sleazeballs and scumbags. but considering the large number of parents who show up as a couple to the kids' ceremonies and other school events, i didn't think that it applied to my town. apparently it still does, just perhaps below the prefectural average. the good news is, those kids seem to be growing up happily enough. to me, it's more proof that families don't necessarily need to follow the "one father and one mother" model to be happy.

as i was walking back to the town hall yesterday, i noticed that it was really bright for 5-ish pm. contrast that with 3 months ago, when it would have been dark by then. even now, it's 6:20pm as i'm writing this sentence, and the sky is still bright! the seasons changing is just another reminder that time is passing. it also got me thinking - with the new feel in the school, would i consider staying for another year past my 2024 end date? i considered it, and the answer is no. the main reason is that i don't want to put my career on hold any longer. as much as i enjoy my time with the kids, nothing short of another pandemic and travel restrictions would make me stay here. even then, i might choose to fly home before the borders close, or look for work in other parts of japan. a more minor reason is that the situation is volatile from year to year. there can be dramatic changes, as i've seen this year. thankfully, most of the changes seem to be good ones...but that might not hold up next year. so the thought here is that i should quit while i'm ahead.

-random thought of the day: 5% off at the supermarket tomorrow!-

Kind of been in a not-good place for the past couple of days, mental health-wise, i mean. worst part is, it was/is mostly self-inflicted. since i was on leave, i figured that i should make some headway in contacting prospective employers in australia. i wrote email drafts to 3 firms, but didn't send any of them. for some reason, i was second-guessing my english a lot. i guess i've been exposed to broken english so much that wrong expressions start to sound right/normal. the sucky thing is that i'm supposed to be the #1 english expert here, so people usually don't correct me because they think i'm right all the time! well...i guess it's something that i have to be more conscious of.

the first hit was thinking of the sheer number of hurdles that i'd have to cross just to end up in australia. i'm supposed to schedule a call with at least one firm, just to find out more about the whole process of getting an australian work visa, and whether it's even possible. i'm kind of afraid to actually do it, in case they tell me that it's beyond their power, or that it's generally not possible. that would increase the number of hoops that i'd have to jump through. i DO have an ultimate worst-case plan for australia, but i really don't want to use it because it means basically wiping out my savings, including whatever i earned on JET.

on top of that, i was looking at a few ads for jobs based in singapore that i'd saved on linkedin. while i'd like to end up in australia, it never hurt to have a backup plan. i know they're trying to be helpful by giving statistics, like "X people from your school work here" or "X people have applied for this job", but it's quite intimidating! yes, i know this goes against my usual preference for perfect knowledge. it's just the thought of having to go up against however many people doesn't help my morale. maybe ignorance is bliss sometimes. i suppose the only thing i can do is to thicken my skin and just whack anyway.

coincidentally, i was reading an article about 引きこもり (hikikomori), who are people that withdraw from society. you know the stereotype - stays in their room all day, avoids social interaction, prefers playing games or watching anime alone. the article mentioned that in singapore, it's not as possible to be alone, due to the population density and how housing is done. it also said some people may do vital activities, like go to work, but still feel isolated from society. i kind of wonder if that's how i've been feeling? i'm grateful that i get lots of social interaction with the kids and my colleagues at work, so it's not like i want to rot at home all day. but i will admit there are times when i don't want to think of the future because it seems so overwhelming. well...step by step, i guess. just do a little bit every day and let the progress build over time.

at this point, i'm actually not sure what i need. time? direction? motivation? courage? some of each, definitely. hopefully this low will pass, and i can look at the whole thing through fresh eyes soon.

-random thought of the day: Are my allergies acting up?-

Reality is stranger than fiction sometimes. today, i was told that instead of the reduced primary school hours plan, i would be going to secondary schools only. it's better that i could have hoped for! actually, i did mention this idea to my supervisor, but in a light and casual, "this would be the most ideal but i understand it's difficult" kind of way. the fact that it's happening is a huge bonus. come to think of it, i should have asked for this last year. but i don't think it would have been granted then, because the large primary 6 class was still in the primary school then. this academic year, they're going to be the new sec 1s, so i guess more support will be needed in the secondary school.

before i forget, my resignation from the science video thing was received decently well. i decided not to take on the additional job, and just wait until my contract expired. the original subject head who hired me said that she was preparing a contract with better terms for me, but she respected my decision not to continue. not going to lie, it did make me waver a little, but i stuck to my guns in the end. the good news is that i have an open invitation to rejoin them if i so choose. on a related note, i was just casually talking with one of the JETs, who's doing some online english teaching. nothing's set in stone yet, but i have an offer to interview with the company if i really want to. i'm seriously considering it! after all, it isn't much removed from what i'm doing now, plus the money seems to be good. downside: the time investment is quite significant, especially if i'm going after money. well, i'll give it more thought. i hear they're always hiring, so i don't think the opening is running anywhere.

-random thought of the day: 2 days off!-

One more week until school reopens for the new academic year. technically it's 4 more days since the first day of school is this coming friday, but i don't think there'll be any classes on that day. mostly admin stuff and getting settled in. as the countdown timer shows, it's also the beginning of my last official year on JET. the prospect of a big change coming over the horizon does scare me, but the thought of being here with no end in mind scares me more.

speaking of change, i didn't get to talk to the superintendent on thursday like i'd originally planned due to schedule conflicts. but perhaps it was for the better, since my supervisor came to tell me on friday that he had an alternative plan. the new plan has me in the primary school for 4 periods a week, and shifts the 4 periods that freed up to the secondary schools. i'm actually impressed - it's better than my first proposed alternative of just shifting my half day on friday. and if it goes through, it also means that end the day closer to the office on fridays, and have a higher chance of reaching home early! it has to get approval from the schools first though. and since that meeting was yesterday, i won't know until tomorrow if it's going to happen. based on our conversation on friday, the superintendent seems to think it'll go through...but i don't want to give myself false hope.

also on friday, it was the last working day of the financial year. since people would be starting their new appointments on monday, i made kueh seri muka (the one with solid custard on top of glutinous rice) for the office. in case i haven't mentioned it before, it supposedly translates to "beautiful face kueh", because the custard layer is supposed to set smoothly and be like, the smooth skin on a beautiful face. mine didn't, but the taste wasn't affected. i'm actually quite proud of myself for being able to make it! not sure whether to say it's ironic or expected, but i learnt to make food local to singapore and south-east asia while i'm not physically there!

the seating plan for the office got updated, and i'm now sitting across from my old spot. it's a little disorienting, especially since my computer screen is now facing the open area where visitors can see it. the pluses are that the clock is now in my direct line of sight (so i can see when to knock off less conspicuously), and i'm positioned closer to the exit. i'll probably take a while to acclimatize since i was at my old spot for 2 years, but it shouldn't be a problem.

next week is still reasonably slack - working on monday, off on tuesday and wednesday, then going back to schools starting friday. tomorrow will be exciting, meeting the new faces and a formal introduction. wonder if the schools will bring the new teachers by the town hall?

-random thought of the day: Start thinking about selling things.-