I guess i should learn to lighten up sometimes. the last thing i need now is more enemies. but given the genral atmosphere of the class now, i don't think it'll be easy.

~thingy of the day: Mary had a little lamb, it had a touch of colic. She fed it brandy twice a day, and now it's alcoholic~

I really don't know how to describe the way i feel now. simply put, my brain's overflowing. i feel worried, disappointed, stressed, lost, sad, frustrated and a million things besides. worried is mainly due to academics, since the b-divs are over. actually, i have no reason to be worried about that either *big "condemned" neon sign*. disappointed is because we got 8th position for said competition. especially when i knew we could have done better. stressed is, once again, due to academics/school life in general. lost is due to my lack of direction even though o's/prelims are approaching *adds this to "worry"* sad is because of inexplicable mood swings. frustrated with life in general.

now i got 2 options. try to solve each and every problem in the above list, or i could print a copy out and burn it. i shouldn't be worrying and stressing so much. i'm only 15+, not even 16, and already the list is this long. what will the list look like when i'm 35, or even 25? ah well...feeling angsty again. this is not good.

~thingy of the day: The only thing worth procrastinating is worry.~

*feels extremely stupid upon reading yeaterday's post...* Guess the mindset shift should be 180 degrees instead. see what happens when you try to blog 1/3 asleep?

*adds "today" to "why i hate mondays" list* at first, the day went pretty well, but after school, the shell dropped. what was supposed to be a maths class turned into a CME/interrogation/life skills talk with maths on the side. all those innocent (REALLY innocent) people who offered information got gunned down because they couldn't remember who was in class. come to think of it, we should have countered with "can you remember who won the million-dollar prize in the draw last december/this january? what was his name and how much did he win?" i mean, there was a big commotion over it after all...of course, my face would be thrown to the winds if he could actually remember. my heartfelt sympathies to Juliano and co. who were onlookers giving all they knew *no sarcasm here at all guys, i really mean this one* and while i'm inclined to agree with juliano (read his blog for more), i wouldn't go to that extent with the language. but then, i was just an onlooker. i suppose i was lucky in that sense.

and i'm happy to say that i've reached a solution on how to deal with THAT PERSON. i'm just gonna continue my policy of isolationism from HIM for 2 weeks. if the situation doesn't improve, i'll bring it up to the UP (united panda) and see what he does.

~thingy of the day: We are proud of how high we go, but we are prouder of how fast we rise back up after a fall.~

First off, thanks to all the people who posted (namely Jessica, Juliano and Sherman). you all don't know how much that means to me.

i'm still off to school tomorrow. can't even get a break. worst thing is my EL tys's in school. maybe i'll go at 0630 to get the damn thing done. or not. it all depends.

judging from the above few sentences, i can infer one thing about my attitude towards school/studies. IT'S WRONG. i need a 360 degree mindset shift. i need willpower. unfortunately, i have everything i could wish for but that. i suppose another negative factor is that i'm getting too...happy with my acheivements. just because i'm one of the few to score 60+ for physics at ca1 doesn't mean i'll get an a1 for prelims. to put it in ncc terms, my idea needs waking up. lots of waking up. maybe prelim 1 will serve as my metaphorical alarm clock. incidentally, it's happening on 22 april, which means i have...*counts*...24 days to do final revision and all that. damn time flies.

one more thing. my apologies in advance if i seem a little less accomodating than usual. it's that time of the month again.

~thingy of the day: "Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
-Steven Wright ~

As expected, my voice totally screwed up in the morning. and i missed the oral exam. whee. i think there should be a makeup.

nothing really important to say now...i *should* continue later.

~thingy of the day: Hi.~

My nose just started running like a fire hose set to full power. and for no apparent reason too. and my ears are affected...like how you feel after swimming too deep. and the worst part is that i sound like i'm holding my nose when i talk. and oral's tomorrow. depending on situation, i may grab an mc as it's pointless to go to an oral exam only to fail because your vocal system's screwed up.

Weekend's almost here. still have to go back to school for oral tomorrow...can't sleep in. V__V and RAO's my examiner. horrible. it'll be a miracle if i pass. i'm also left with a junkload of homework and 2 days to complete it.

today's chem prac really made an impression on me. it seems that mr lee is different from other chem teachers in the sense that he'll allow us to create general chaos when the time is appropriate, unlike the others that demand 100% silence all the time. another reason the chem prac left a lasting impression is the actual experiment. golden-yellow crystals of lead (II) iodide, oxygen evolved from hydrogen peroxide with manganese (II) oxide catalyst, and this really nice-coloured solution when hydrogen peroxide is mixed with potassium dichromate (VI).

and once again, that *person* (term used VERY loosely) isn't happy with me. god knows why. i wasn't even bad to him. i just treated him like he was invisible and yet, he chooses to start an argument. i really want to find out what mortal grudge he bears against me, and if it's something stupid, i'm gonna (literally) burn him. or perhaps (wow...haven't used this word for so long) it's simply our differences in character. maybe he likes everybody to play chess and speak chinese, and immediately gets a bad impression of those who don't. whatever it is, i'm doing my level best to stay away from him...for his own good. one day he's gonna say that *one* little word that'll cause me to punch his face in. and i really don't want that to happen. i have a good record to maintain.

~thingy of the day: Every night, at leat one person thinks of you before they go to sleep.~

Something tapped me on the shoulder and told me to blog. i really wonder why. today was a well-balanced mix of good and bad. PE was fun...with the rowing machine and all. EL was good, CHEM WAS WONDERFUL, and chinese was as usual. then social studies pulled the good ratings down, while maths salvaged it a little. the outside-teacher compo class was HORRENDOUS. i felt like sleeping even after doing everything in my power to keep awake, artificial stimulants and all. and i got screwed by kee yong first thing in the morning. just your usual day at cat high, no?

i got this not-so-good feeling for tomorrow morning. it's not about the lessons, since i was able to do (most of) the binomial questions. i guess it's some admin stuff that i'm lagging behind on. but on the bright side, there's double chem tomorrow. 100 minutes of wonderful chemmy goodness. that should make my day.

now...2 things happened today. interestingly, they form a neutral balance as well.

firstly...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERARD!! ^__^

and next, Sherman: If I did not misunderstand you as we were getting out of class, my condolences to you/your family. However, if I *did* misunderstand you, slap me.

~thingy of the day: "If you can't honestly tell yourself you learned something new today, don't go to sleep."~

Well...if you're reading this, you probably know that i changed my blog add. the old one was...well, old. please help me pass this info on to anyone who asks ok? thanks.

One day, a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the sole purpose of showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked. "Oh Yeah" said the son. "So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us,
they have friends to protect them."

With this the boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks dad, for showing me how poor we are."

Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don't have. What is one person's worthless object is another's prized possession. It is all based on one's perspective. Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for all the bounty we have, instead of worrying about wanting more.

~thingy of the day: Take joy in all you have, especially your friends.~

Hot damn, mondays are not good. but at least this monday was better than the rest. we had a semi-free period as there was this choir thingy going on at the primary side. then there was a chem test. i know i won't be the first few in class, but i'll get by. then double english, which was relatively shell-free. then the bomb came. ms foo is my new physics teacher. after sitting through one lesson, i can safely say that my grade will be a D7 minimum, and an A1 maximum. of course, i'm being optimistic. the funny thing is, each physics teacher's name reprecents the grade we get. for mr Siau, it's S for super grades (A1 confirmed, worst case A2), for terence goh it's good (a B3 or B4), for mrs Chung it's either a C5 or C6 (well, from the way she teaches my class...) and for ms Foo, it's fail. but i believe i'll pull through.

i feel so empty. i need motivation. some lousy shit said my essay/report was worthless/irrelevant/whatever. well...it has no date...long story. he has no idea that i'd like to aim a sword between his eyes and push really hard. then i'd pour alcohol or some other volatile, flammable liquid on him and flick a lighter. then i'd mix his ashes with indian...err...fluids and use it to water a plant. i guarantee that plant will die within 2 hours, no matter how strong it is. now it's not often (if at all) that i use language on my blog to curse people to this extent AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT. really. if you told me i could do that, almost consequence-free, you got a deal. i never picked a fight with him, but he had to take the initiative. i've tried ignoring it, but we all need a good whine/moan session sometimes.

~thingy of the day: Do EL TYS June '01 Paper 1 functional and Nov '03 Paper 2.~

There's approximately 7 hours and 15 minutes before first period tomorrow. and wouldn't you know it - it's maths. mondays aren't good...especially beginning-of-term mondays. chaos all around. and i don't mean good chaos. i mean bad chaos with teachers screaming. this is not good...not good at all.

~thingy of the day: "wo shi zi you...wo mei zi you...shang xin, tong xin, wo yan lei liu..." sung to a very catchy tune.~

Now it's time for a longer update to confirm that i'm really alive.

weapons shopping at marina sq was kinda fun. got a nice 6-foot (that's 1.8m) staff. i will learn how to use it properly and take anyone down with it. i also got 2 books. one that shows some weapons from Okinawa (that's a little south of Japan) and their basic uses. the other book i got is about kenjutsu/kendo and it's for my cousin. whee.

then i went off to catch haunted mansion. kinda stupid to go bishan -> marina sq -> bishan no? i ended up being late by 5 mins. lucky they were still showing ads when i went in. *mental note: movie ads run for 10 mins.*

*movie spoilers ahead*



it wasn't your average disney production. it was scarier, for one, but the comedy's still there. "20 mins tops" and "the butler did it". one thing i don't get is why the big fiery snake/dragon from hell pulled the butler down. i thought he would target the good guys. ah well. but the scary scenes were helluva scary. like the one with the mirror and the dead people. "i see dead people". and "there's spiders and i don't have a magazine". but the story's actually quite touching. a couple who loved each other got seperated and they waited for so long to get reunited. ah well. so much for the movie. but i still get the feeling the butler will pop up behind me any minute.

It's friday. the holidays are almost ending. i'm still gonna catch haunted mansion. 1450 at gv j8. whee. and before that, i'm off to marina sq. to do some ancient martial arts research. and my watch's unreliable. it's slowed down 3 mins since i got it 1+ month ago. ah well. just a short update to let you know i'm still alive. ^__^

~thingy of the day: If you think no one cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments.~

It's amazing how maths can totally swing your mood round 180 degrees. before starting, i was "ok...let's give matrices a try". after going through 3, yes 3, questions, it became "AHHH!!!!!!!it's the end!!!!!!! i'm gonna crash and burn!!!!!!!!" god damn, matrices suck. ok. so they don't suck. i think they suck just because i can't get the answer i want. and there's an amaths lesson tomorrow. i'm supposed to have finished this long long ago. things aren't going my way.

~thingy of the day: Algebra was easy for the Romans as X was always 10.~

It's a sunday!!! and that's always good. ^__^

so my holiday schedule says i have to go back to school on monday, tuesday and wednesday. happy happy joy joy...no holiday. but then again, it's expected. we were told to expect this from the minute we stepped into class 4-6. so no surprises there.

things i have to do withing the break:
- get matrices in order
- get chinese in order
- elec geog
- pure history
- sciences homework
- 2 essays

one item per day starting monday. wow. it IS possible, but it requires willpower, which i will develop.

~thingy of the day: Impossible is nothing...or so they say. ~

This is [Open Up Your Mind] - 3.05. the .05 simply means i previewed it 5 times before finally publishing the new template. not much has changed, save for the background pic, as well as the scrollbar, links box and tagboard colours. i don't intend on changing the music...well, for the time being anyway. the next song should be (SHOULD BE) 1/3 Junjou na Kanjou, but there may be some changes.

having said that, time to get on with writing about my day. yes, i know i sound shameless sometimes. well, it's the last day of term 1. i don't know whether to rejoice or to be sad. i could rejoice as i'm getting 1 week (ok...2 days) of break, but i could be sad because every single day that passes means that we're getting closer to the o's.

report book came back. i got the expected. failed 3, as predicted. good conduct. L1R5 = 28. i must halve that by prelim 2. but what i did not expect is work attitude - excellent (or was it very good?). heh.

it's been ages sinc i've had a proper conversation. "hi", then "bye" doesn't count. and since chung was absent for physics, i had a free double period. i guess i brought the tys to 4-4 just for show, since i didn't touch it at all. instead, i had a good old talk-absolute-nonsense session just like in 2-5. so nice and heartwarming to a certain degree. ah well.

~thingy of the day: "Fake friends like you for what you have. Real friends like you for what you are." -Something in the 2-period-long conversation.~

Soujirou-y goodness all around. ^__^

I guess it's the rain that's made (almost) everyone moody. from teachers to friends. normal things which i would have been able to get away with are now brought up and faulted against me. but i know it's my fault.

or maybe the mood gets worse as the year goes on. well, this is my first (and only, i hope) time in sec 4 and i may be expecting too little from myself, resulting in the screaming and lectures that i've suddenly become firm friends with.

~thingy of the day: "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." Saying which describes the countries' relationship in WWII~

Today was slightly, yet significantly better than yesterday. i don't know why, but male teachers seem to be moodier than female teachers these days. first, there was the pre-school encounter with terence (actually, that went all right...we just had a little *private* talk), then the wrath of mr leong was upon me as i had apparently missed the checking of marks, which, even though i asked around, nobody told me about.

then there was the in-school encounter, where mr leong proceeded to scream his butt off at the class for poor administrative efficiency. then, it was on to the people with homework debts. luckily, god's grace told me to finish the sets thingy last night, so i was spared here. then ms chan told us about the mapreading test (which i forgot all about) during elec geog. then terence came in with a visualizer and asked to see our reports. well, we were inadequately prepared for lesson *nice way of saying "we didn't have any"**#1 factor for blasting later* and only 2 reports were available for review. ok. fine. then, the rep hands up essays which are due. insufficient number (ie. not 100% handed in) *#2 factor which provided activation energy* we then received th GRAMMOMMA of all the shellings in our 1+ year under him. and through GOD'S GRACE (once again), ms thian was absent, giving me the chance to try to tone his wrath down (ie do the essay). i guess god has his ways of getting things done. *thank you god*

all in all, i guess today was worse because 2 teachers got angry with us/me (chinaman is nothing), but it got better because i'm under the impression that god cares.

~thingy of the day: Even 4-5 was shocked by Terence's outburst today. It was in the middle of their SS test. ^__^~

Last week of term. i just got reminded by VP Wong when he said that next week would be the holidays. i may be getting senile.

hbk has this great vision of 65% (or was it 68%??) distinction rate for EL. so, he's making us write responses to newspaper articles. in a book. a really big, 200 page book that is more often than not used for marking attendance or something. there's this nice eagle on a background that states "I want, can and will get an A in English" and underneath it is DWIT - Do Whatever It Takes. there's even name, class and signature spaces, to ensure we commit to it. and ERILS and compos are still coming in, courtesy of terence. oh well. practice not only makes perfect, it makes permanent as well.

i've said it many many times, and i'll say it again. mondays are not my day. maths - mr leong got pissed...but it was my fault.

and this no good chinaman teacher who's probably sitting at home and crying over his dismal a-level result while i'm typing this gets PMS in school and physically punishes the whole physics group. now while i'm not against the punishment, in fact i think we deserved it to some extent, i am against the way he carried it out. the only people i've seen physically punishing WHOLE classes are DM Toh and some pe teachers. the pe teachers have been in the school long enough to have the students feel "fu" to accept the punishment, and even though DM Toh hasn't been in the school for a full year, he IS the DM. but this CHINAman, who, come to think of it, has only been in the school for approximately 3 months, decides to use this sort of punishment against the class. to make it worse, he's only 3 years our senior, was an old boy and will probably NEVER go to NS. and he has this horrible method of teaching (actually, it's more of revision since Mr Siau did TEACH it last year). my prediction is that he'll meet students whom he can't control, then he'll crash and burn to a watery grave.

to top it all off, Mrs Long marked me as absent for about 3-4 sessions which i attended, or for which my presence was not required.

but a few things DID go right today. chem prac was fun, terence didn't get mad at me (heck, his lesson was GOOD), and Mr Leong seemed to cool off during the last period. maybe it's because of the rain.

~thingy of the day:"Ame" (pronounce "ah-MAY") is "rain" in Japanese.~

Just some quiz results...


You're a water Dragon! Congrats! Like ice dragons,
you are extremly powerful, but show it more
often. You are a leader, and like to speak your
opinion. AND, you are charming, swift, and
great at dancing, ou enjoy getting stuck in the
rain, playing with friends, and swimming
anywhere! Wat-ER you wating for?


What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the
dragons, you are most powerful but do not like
to show it. A rare and special creture, you
have artistic style and are great at expressing
yourself. You think friends and Familly are the
most important, and are a hopeless romantic.
But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little
cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you
always apoligize later!


What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Love. You Truly Desire Love. You long for someone
to hold you and take the pain away. You haven't
been in much relationships or you need to work
on how to handle them. You always seem lost in
a daydream about the person you care about
most.


What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
brought to you by Quizilla


"Which Kingdom Hearts Character Are You?"
brought to you by Quizilla

I've been terribly horribly <lots of things that end with -ly> sick these 2 days. from a throat infection, it became a running nose and a 39 deg C fever. how?? good question. i guess this year really isn't too good for the dragons. and even though i've seen through the worst of it, my nose is still blocked up like a choked sink. this means i can't smell, which means i can't taste. and it also means i can only breathe through one nostril at a time. i guess the nose thing's really bad, because the doctor's using *something*-hydrochloride to treat it. hydrochloride. my god. this thing's so powerful that i can only take 10 mg per day. how freaky's that??

and i have this nagging suspicion that i've missed out quite a lot in school. i know i missed sets for maths, but i'm not sure for other subjects. next week is week 10. now, normally that would mean slack week, but i don't think that'll be the case for sec 4s. i'm betting a bowling ball that lessons will go on as per normal. except maybe on friday. there may be a half-day to commemorate (?) the end of term. but i'm not placing my hopes too high. oh well.

~thingy of the day: <Saiyuki fact> If you get splashed by 1000 demons' blood, you become a demon yourself.~

"Oh hell" just about summarizes up my day.

~thingy of the day: *nothing. i need a break*~