Forgot to mention that the previous post was post number 1500. looking back, it took 2.5 years to accumulate the first 500 posts, then 5 years for the next 500. this third set of 500 took about 5 years and 9 months, give or take a couple of weeks. i don't really know what's the purpose of mentioning this. after all, i'm not making money off this, nor am i going to win any awards. the number of posts should therefore be of no real significance...except to remind me how long it's been since i started, i guess.

been trying to regain my drive these past 2 weeks...with limited success. my main project is kind of stalled, because i have to purify a precursor, and check its purity using platinum NMR. with the limited number of slots currently available, plus my unfamiliarity with the technique, it hasn't been easy to get it done. luckily, i managed to book a slot for tomorrow afternoon, and things should improve from there. my professor also gave me a little side-project, to synthesize one of his compounds and to run an assay on it and some other controls. the synthesis was a tiny bit tricky, but i got the compound in the end. wasn't too confident going into it, because my professor told me that a previous postdoc could never get the reaction to work. lesson learnt: have more faith in myself. i'm one of the few people in the lab to have a more extensive background in organic synthesis. guess that counts for something. unfortunately, the compound isn't all that pure, so it's undergoing HPLC purification. i discovered how to set the HPLC to shut down after a certain number of runs, so no more worries about solvent running low, or generating excess waste. very nice. less nice is the fact that something is wrong with the centrifuge...AGAIN. now the vacuum lock won't seal, and i can't vacuum while spinning. this is causing a jam in the second project, as i have to remove solvent and recover the compound. the engineers are due to come down on wednesday to take a look at it. hopefully, it'll be a simple fix.

on the topic of less nice, i'm somewhat sick. down with a blocked nose and a cough, the kind that produces sticky green stuff in my throat. no fever yet, which is somewhat comforting. it started around wednesday or thursday i think, but it was definitely the haze on friday that worsened my condition. my usual prognosis is that i'll be functioning at about 50% for a couple of days at first, then there'll be one or two days where i'm absolutely helpless, and then i'll be back to normal after a few more days of recovery. i was preparing for the downtime to hit over the weekend, but it never came. makes me a bit nervous that it might hit tomorrow. that would be bad for a number of reasons. 1) important platinum NMR experiment. i even asked the lab staff to be around to guide me. 2) my friend's wedding dinner *note to self: red packet*. hopefully i can last until thursday. i've taken this coming friday and next monday off, so that should give me some breathing space for deeper reflection.

there's been some ruckus about the NUSSU rigging elections. i honestly don't really care about it. the union is basically irrelevant to a grad student (and to tell the whole truth, i felt that it was irrelevant to me even when i was an undergrad). from the comments on the nuswhispers (aka. confessions) page, there are some who are asking for investigations, some defending the union, some worried about the school's reputation, and some trolls. personally, i think that an investigation should be carried out. not by the students, but by university administration. just for transparency and to strengthen the university's credibility. to me, it's worrying that some people are worried that this will affect NUS negatively in the public eye. assuming the union is clean, there's nothing to worry about. and assuming the union is guilty, only those implicated will have things to fear. regardless of the outcome, i will still tell people that i am from NUS, am proud to be from NUS, and that i was never involved with any of the scandalous organizations. i really wonder if this asian concept of maintaining face is healthy (it's probably not).

last thing today...my friend's wedding. we attended the church service yesterday. was only the second-ever church wedding i've ever been to in my life (first being that of my cousin, in late 2010). there were some significant differences between the two. for my cousin's wedding, i remember it being fairly normal/neutral. my friend's wedding was normal too, but not entirely neutral. what i mean by this is that when the pastors prayed, they would casually slip in things like "and may our friends among us open their hearts to you". "you" in this context referring to god. it's somewhat paraphrased, but the bottom line is that they were praying for those of different (or no) religious beliefs to be converted, or to somehow feel the holy spirit and be inclined to convert. that doesn't quite sit well with me. i have several misgivings about religion in general, and this wedding service didn't really help to allay them. the aforementioned praying for non-believers' conversion is one major thing. why is it that christians have a conversion/evangelistical policy? for that matter, why is it that people converting to christianity is generally viewed as favourable, but not so for islam? or buddhism? granted, buddhists don't really have a conversion policy. i guess i just don't like being pushed in a direction that i'm not particularly inclined. though having said that, i will still be polite and gently refuse attempts at conversion. though if they're persistent, me being nice might change.

the second is about the church's views on god's role in love and marriage. my impression (i could be horribly wrong here, and if i am, please forgive me) is that while the bride and groom are marrying each other, they are also "marrying" god. i think i finally got what the south park episode on christianity meant, above its comedic value. one memorable quote goes "you love christ, you're in love with christ, what's the difference?" i don't know...maybe it's just me, but i find worship of anything dangerous. because often, worshippers will be blinded by faith. i still stand by something i said before...religion is only respected so much because it's been passed down from antiquity and nobody really bothered to question it too much. that's actually scary, considering how bad the "broken telephone" effect gets after just 5 people, let alone 2000 years. some things written in the bible are absolute nonsense to me based on my understanding of physical phenomena and science today, so i'm rather skeptical to take everything at face value. like the whole "great flood after 40 days and nights of rain". but that's another topic, for another time. if i were to take the text of any religion and change some names, swap some passages here and there, and try to start a new religion, i'm pretty sure that whatever i started would be branded as a cult. i'm not entirely atheist, either. i do believe that there is some higher power out there. maybe it's watching over us, maybe not. but whatever it is, it is definitely not what people from 2000 years ago claim it is.

anyway, back to the wedding. within the chemistry friends, i'm not very close to this guy. i mean, we're on good terms, and will help each other out, but we're not to the point of confiding in each other like i am with some of the others. hearing his speech gave me some insight into his character, and it's basically consistent with what i know about him. it was quite touching, because he's usually smiley and happy (and very occasionally a troll), but when he was speaking, he got all emotional. his speech was extremely well-written, too! i really enjoyed listening to it. and out of all my friends' proposals so far, his proposal is by far the most creative. it was done during a dive trip, while they were actually on a dive. first ever underwater proposal that i've seen. i was joking to the rest that probably the only way to top what he did would be a proposal done mid-air while skydiving. wonder who among us might actually go for that?

-random thought of the day: Need to get well soon.-

Part 2 of yesterday's post is a bit overdue, because i got back late last night and couldn't summon the blogging spirit. anyway, this post will more likely be less positive than the previous one, largely because there's a lot of stuff that i have to get out of my head.

although things have been going well as of late, i've been feeling a bit unmotivated. demotivated, even. it's normal i guess; moods follow a cycle. just like it's unreasonable to expect someone to be happy and cheerful all the time, it's also not possible to remain down in the dumps for too long. perhaps it's just me having to adapt to moving to sengkang, and needing to chart out a clearer plan of action for research. while moving to sengkang is mostly good, the biggest negative is that i have to readjust all my timings and take the expressway traffic into account more so then when i was in bishan. you see, compared to bishan, sengkang is a lot further away from most of my usual hangouts...like school, the date's place, even the judo club. worse is, i've got to travel by expressway most of the time now, and as any singaporean driver will tell you, expressways at peak hour are no fun at all. this is due to two factors - heavier traffic, and ERP. ERP is scary as i face it twice a day...going to school in the morning, and coming back in the evenings/nights. i don't think i mentioned this here yet, but i ate a $6 ERP on the morning of my QE presentation, while trying not to be late for rehearsal with my professor. when i told my friend, he put it in perspective by saying that that $6 charge would soon be offset by a $500 increment. i guess he has a point. and as he told me before also, any problem that can be solved using money isn't a problem at all.

the ERP problem is actually very easily solved. just leave the house/school outside of the ERP timing. that's not too difficult in the morning, as the ERP runs from 7:00am to 9:30am i think. means i can reach school by about 10am, which is still within reasonable limits. going back, on the other hand, is tougher. the evening ERP runs from 5:30pm to 8:00pm, which means that i either leave school very early, or very late. that wouldn't be so bad, if the travel time between school and home was still 20 minutes. right now, i'm averaging about 35 minutes, and an additional 14km or so each way. but then, i suppose it's a bit of a first-world problem, considering i have so much flexibility and mobility, not to mention i don't have to worry about train breakdowns or bus arrival times. just moron drivers. oh, that reminds me. talking to my car enthusiast friend revealed that i've been calculating the car's fuel economy wrongly. my first and most fundamental assumption was that each division of the fuel gauge was equal, and represented the same amount of fuel. turns out that was wrong. a more accurate measure is to look at the distance travelled between visits to the petrol station, and divide that by the volume of petrol consumed for a km/L figure. using my previous assumption that each division of the gauge was 2.5L, i came up with about 9km/L. using the more correct method brought that figure up to about 12km/L, and the most recent value i got after all that expressway driving is in the vicinity of 15-16km/L. can't really complain with numbers like that.

one other issue i'm having is that my sleep cycle has been messed up quite badly. not sure why, or when exactly it started, but i've been sleeping at an average of 1:30am at night, and waking up at around 8:00am or so. those are fairly ok hours, but somehow, i just feel so tired and reluctant to start the day after waking up! might be due to sleeping in an air-con environment now, which is far more comfortable. i suppose part of it may be due to the aforementioned decrease in motivation, too. well...i guess i should fix that. my current plan is to not make excuses or give myself any reason to lie in. because i know how convincing i can be to myself while half-asleep, i've decided to use external means to force myself. tomorrow's strategy for waking up early is that i've booked an 8:00am NMR slot, which means getting to school by then to run my samples. to make it even more effective, i've opened up requests to the whole lab, and my postdoc gave me 3 samples. should provide me with the additional kick i need to roll out of bed.

i guess the main reason that i've been feeling a bit lost is because i've dropped a few balls. not sure how i got the idea for this analogy, whether someone told it to me or i read it somewhere. life is kind of like juggling balls which are made of different materials. some are rubber, and can survive a few drops. other ones made of glass MAY tolerate some carelessness, but will more than likely shatter if mishandled. i guess i should refocus, and decide which areas of life i should focus on. other things which are less important can be set aside, either temporarily or permanently. reminder to self: things are only as valuable as i think they are. right now, i guess my main focuses should be research, the date, getting back on track, friends, and judo if there is time.

should also probably mention that singapore won an olympic gold medal. i'm happy that it was won by a local athlete, and not a foreign import. at the same time, there's an irrational spike of negativity. i've identified it as jealousy, but even that is not quite accurate. it's not like i think i can swim my way to a gold medal, so i know that i am most definitely not deserving of olympic gold. but i think it's getting a bit over-hyped for my liking. maybe i'm just upset that i can't ever represent singapore at such a high level...not even as an official, with the way the federation is killing the sport. anyway. i suppose find it kind of unfair that a few minutes in the pool can bring so much fame and fortune. but then, i shouldn't forget the sacrifices made, or the hours put in behind the scenes just to ensure peak performance in those few minutes. there's a whole other story about how the athlete's family is rich, and able to send him for overseas training. that opens up another whole debate about how money can grow talent, but let's save that for a future post. right now, i guess the sacrifices have paid off, and singapore is happy on a whole. i guess that overall, it's positive for the country, though there have been some reports of attempts to grab credit already, barely 48 hours after the historic moment. well...like all things, this will eventually die down. although i'm hoping for an interesting phenomenon to occur. about 50 years ago, people said that it was impossible to run a mile in under 4 minutes. but when roger bannister accomplished the feat, the effect was like opening a door and making something that seemed impossible suddenly appear within reach. by that logic, hopefully singapore will produce more local-born gold medalists in future. and perhaps maybe, that will start with the sports council cleaning up the NSAs.

well...i hope that this coming week will be the week that things take a turn for the better. have to get back on track with the diet/exercise plan. yes, i admit that i've slackened off due to QE and poster. am looking at the NUS utown gym for the time being, since my friend gyms there pretty regularly. will need to make some changes to the schedule, but i think it shouldn't be a problem. and now that the semester has started, i've got to take care of an honours student. he's been pretty good so far, but i really hope his reaction works. funny how that when things are all laid out in front of me like that, they don't seem as insurmountable as they were in my head. let's take things a step at a time, and see if everything falls into place.

-random thought of the day: Change must be initiated from within. First change that I hope to initiate...be genuinely happy for people who get what they deserve.-

My sleep schedule has been kind of messed up these past few weeks. not sure whether it's just due to the increased travelling time, but i'm getting back later, and sleeping later as a result. i think it's also partially due to timing, but i'll get to that later. before everything else, i want to highlight two extremely positive days in the past weeks.

day 1 was this past saturday, where the date and i had a picnic dinner. i cooked, as usual. was a bit reluctant to after the horrible egg poisoning episode, but decided to go ahead anyway. made the usual kimchi pasta (less bacon this time), and a small portion of mushroom risotto, which is another dish i'm familiar with. haven't made it in a while, but things worked out well. note: adding lemon zest was a good idea, but it has to be sliced/grated finer next time. also made a variation of the pasta for the mother (using mushrooms instead of bacon), but i'd forgotten that she was overseas. the date had it for lunch the next day, and said that it tasted good, too. we had a nice night walking around the singapore flyer and marina square area, where we called in at the cookie museum (the date wanted to buy cookies for an office function, and bought me a tin as a surprise) and at a sweet shop (the date went a bit crazy buying sweets, and i got ginger bits coated in dark chocolate). there was plenty of walking too, as the date had just downloaded pokemon go at that time. i downloaded it the next day, and have been playing it on a very very casual basis. i guess why this date was positive was because we got to spend plenty of time together, and enjoyed ourselves without breaking the bank. maybe i should cook more often?

the second positive day was national day, where the date didn't want to go out with me. the mother had just come back from overseas, and the date wanted to spend time with her. i decided to spend time with my favourite aunt and uncle, both of whom i last saw around chinese new year. we had a nice day together, going to visit my other aunt in the hospital, having lunch together, and going back to their place to play with my cousin's dog.

let's break this down into their individual parts, starting with the hospital visit. the aunt was hospitalized due to suffering a stroke about a week ago. she had gone to the casinos at genting with her boyfriend(?), and had won a not-small sum of money. due to the excitement, she barely slept for 3 days, and eventually collapsed in the hotel room. luckily she was discovered in time, and rushed to the hospital, then subsequently back to singapore. thankfully, the stroke wasn't a serious one. she can still move her left side, though her limbs are weak and can't feel much. the doctors are giving her a course of physiotherapy, and upon sufficient recovery, i think she's going to see an acupuncture master to speed up the process. this ordeal somehow made her convert to christianity, which i feel neutral about. just surprised at how a life-threatening incident can change people's perspectives. my other aunt says that her (the hospitalized aunt's) boyfriend has been almost constantly by her side. the weird thing is that i remember being told that he wasn't a good guy. they were dating about 20 years ago, when i was a kid. in fact, i have a vague memory of them taking me along for one of their dates at east coast park one night. but shortly after then, i think he cheated her of some money, and they broke it off. i was quite surprised to see him, and even more surprised to see how much he'd changed. back then, we nicknamed him "broccoli" because he had permed hair. today, he's like a regular uncle...neat hairstyle, mild-mannered. wouldn't recognize him if i passed him on the street. i know that some people still don't quite trust him fully. to be honest, i do have my own reservations. but well, it's not my business.

spending the afternoon playing with my cousin's dog was nice. he's only about 9 months old, but really big. and really smart, too! guess that's to be expected from a golden retriever. could use a bit more training, but then he's still young. as much as i like him, i think that my cousin was a bit impulsive in getting him. since he's working, the main burden of caring for the dog falls on my uncle and aunt...which is unfair, i think. you can't just be there for the good things, like playing with the dog, while ignoring the less savoury parts of pet care, like feeding, walks, cleaning up. i'm increasingly thinking that i'm not ready to be a pet owner. i enjoy interaction with other beings, but not all the time. and certainly not if the other being is almost entirely dependent on me. that's also why i never want kids. i'm happy that the date is independent enough to want alone time, and not insist that we're together 24/7. if anything, i'm the more clingy one in this relationship.

apart from those events, i think the real prize was getting to spend time with my aunt and uncle. i get along really well with them, better than i do with some people i'm living together with. in fact, i was somewhat considering introducing the date to them first. but that's a really ridiculously big step, and i think the date might have reservations. even i have reservations about that myself! well...i'm sure that if it's meant to happen, there will be a proper time and place. never hurt to try and create one, though i should remind myself that forcing it will most probably not end well.

for some reason, i've been suffering from inertia recently. like, my driving force is getting weaker. some days, it almost feels like too much trouble just to get out of bed. i guess i'm overdue for a holiday. but now that the semester's starting, it seems i'll have to wait until december. will talk more about that and a few other issues in another post later tonight. right now, i have to shower and pick the date up. it's a regular saturday date, and i'm looking forward to it.

-random thought of the day: Reminder to finish the second half of this post!-