Having trouble sleeping on my return flight from Uzbekistan thanks to some noisy Uzbeks/Russians behind me, so I thought I'd do something new and blog on the plane. This should be my first time doing this, because I didn't have my tablet before while I was flying (Taiwan was the first time I flew with it, and I didn't think to blog then). I'm not going to write about the trip just yet; I'll do that from the comfort of home. I do want to write about a rather complicated series of relationships. I have been sworn to secrecy on certain details, so I'll have to be more vague than usual.

This story involves 2 people, Person A and Person B...and me, I suppose, in a quite minor role. A and B have known each other for a total of maybe 15-odd years, and have been close for 6-7 of those years. I got to know both of them at around the same time earlier this year. A and B aren't exactly of equal status. For simplicity, let's just say A works for B. That's where the first complication comes in. The relationship/interaction between A and B goes beyond simply superior-subordinate. A is quite overprotective of B, to the point where I think it's a little unhealthy. Example: When B went on a solo holiday, A bought a plane ticket to the same destination and was waiting for B's arrival. To make things worse, A and B are of different gender, and a significant age gap exists between them. So obviously, tongues were wagging. I have first-hand info that there is no romantic relationship between A and B, and I believe my source.

Now, why am I writing about this, when I am seemingly uninvolved? Well...I like A. A is really attractive! Not just in looks, but in personality as well. Although I've heard A has a temper and can fly into a rage, apparently some serious incitement is required for A to reach that point. Guess what? B can calm A down almost instantly. Shows the influence of the former over the latter, no?

We have to look at this through several angles. First, I don't know if A likes me back. We're on pretty good terms, but fact is that it's been less than 3 months since we were first acquainted. Of course, that also means that I don't know nearly enough about A to determine if we're really compatible. Word on the grapevine is that A recently got attached, though A denies it. In the unlikely event that A is single and somehow likes me back, I still have to consider B's feelings. B treats A like a worker, but the element of care for A is still there. I don't want to cause a rift between A and B, nor do I want to sour any relationships between the 3 of us. And of course if all goes smoothly and I start dating A, there is the matter of whether B accepts it or not. B has such influence over A, to the point that A will probably end any relationship if B doesn't approve of A's partner. I do secretly feel that A deserves better than to be treated as just free labour by B, though. Unfortunately, 人始终是犯贱的。A willingly chooses to be treated like this. And although I don't know if I'll really be better for A, if we were together, I would do my best to treat A in a manner which I feel A deserves to be treated.

Logically, the smartest thing to do would be to give up. As attractive as A is, physically or otherwise, the possible drama that all this will cause isn't worth it. And I have it on pretty good authority that A is really attached (not to B, but to someone who doesn't really feature in this telling of the story). I don't want to spoil a relationship for my own selfish gain. That's been a steadfast principle of mine. Not to mention dating A entails several logistical difficulties, upon which I won't elaborate too much. In a way, meeting A gives me hope that in a world of 7 billion people, even more attractive people exist, and who will be a better fit for me. I'm not going to close the door on A just yet, but I do have to accept that the odds of us getting together are low. Like, extemely low. Microscopic, even. But it (and I) will be ok...eventually. After all, time is all it takes.

Kurash is really taking me places! literally, i mean. i'm due to fly to uzbekistan tonight for a competition, with 2 athletes under my charge. first time being team leader for an overseas contingent, so i'm a little nervous. what's worse is that it's to an unfamiliar country, in an unfamiliar part of the world, and the trip is almost a week long! if it were to japan or even australia/new zealand, i'd be much less stressed, and maybe even i'd enjoy planning my own R&R. but well...it's to uzbekistan. good news is that the air tickets were partially sponsored, so that was a load off our collective wallets. i think it'll be a challenging experience, and i hope that things go smoothly throughout our entire trip. the plan is to get a local SIM card for data (thank goodness for dual-SIM phones!), but i'm not sure how readily available 4G internet (or internet itself, really) will be. considering that, and the likely busy schedule, i doubt i'll update while i'm there.

my water bottle kind of became not-really usable. don't know how or why, but green fungus/mould began to grow inside, on the bottom. this is despite it being made of polycarbonate. there are currently 2 colonies, which have proven resistant to my attempts to remove them using hot water and physical agitation. i think scrubbing the inside out might work, but the neck is kind of narrow for the brush that i've got to fit in. i suppose it's about time to change anyway...i've had that water bottle since J1, so it's been about...13 years now? i don't even want to start counting the number of times i've refilled it, or the total volume of water it's held. suffice to say that it's a lot. although i bought a different brand this time (added features and at a similar price point), i would still recommend nalgene products to anyone.

still haven't heard back from the judo federation. it's been about a week since i sent in an email. i wonder if they're really trying to sweep this under the carpet. well...i won't let it slide. let's see how things play out.

there's about 9-ish hours before i fly off, 7-ish before i have to be at the airport. still have to pack(!), clean my room up, and maybe pop down to rivervale mall to get huge heavy-duty ziploc bags. don't know what happened to the ones that i bought previously. all in all, i think i should make it in time, even more so if my friend agrees to pick me up and send me to the airport. oh, need to backup my phone data too. maybe i should consider putting a few movies in my tablet. the flight is 7 hours long, and while i do plan to sleep through most of it, i'm not sure how that will work out.

for some reason, i still get nervous before flying. it's usually mitigated by (1) my choice of airline, (2) the duration of the flight, and (3) the destination itself. normally, flying scoot or jetstar to like, japan is quite well within my comfort zone. this time round, i'm taking uzbekistan airways. no doubt that it's the national carrier of uzbekistan, but i know very little about it. uzbekistan itself is about 7 hours away, which is still somewhat tolerable. my limit is about 8 hours, which is the time needed to fly from from kuala lumpur to melbourne. and as for uzbekistan, it's located in a relatively volatile part of the world, plus my knowledge about the culture and customs there is quite lacking. i just hope that i'm worrying for nothing. after all, 3 people within the federation have been there before, and they seemed none the worse for it. guess i should distract myself with the remaining tasks on my to-do list, like packing. i'd better get to it, then. see you all in about a week!

-random thought of the day: FFXIV free play campaign is running!-

From my post about taiwan, you may remember that i was very impressed by the taiwanese and their general civic-mindedness. same for the japanese. i just keep wondering why and how singapore has managed to lose sight of that. or maybe it's just crowd mentality. let me illustrate this point with an example. i was on my way back from lab late last friday night, and the KPE tunnel had only one open lane for a stretch of the way as the other lanes were closed for maintenance and road works. the workers were nice enough to give gradual warning, by the indicators above each lane that gradually turned yellow, then red. i got into the queue early, as a law-abiding citizen, although the queue was really long and moving really slowly. and i found out why - so many cars sped ahead even though the lane indicator was red, and were trying to merge at the last minute. of course, i laid on the horn and took some video footage. i'm sure that if everyone queued, the line would be longer, but move much faster, and lead to shorter clearing times. i don't understand why people are so selfish. of course it's natural to look out for yourself. but it's not ok when looking out for yourself comes at the expense of other people. i strongly believe that most situations in life can be made win-win. i guess i'm in the minority, though.

then again, i shouldn't be that surprised. singapore is becoming increasingly soulless. hopefully it's not as bad as dubai, which i hear is the textbook example that most people cite. i suppose the fact that it's becoming harder to make a living in singapore contributes to this as well; most people can't really be bothered to be nice when worrying about their expenses and savings. on top of that, the prime minister encouraged singaporeans to "steal other people's lunches" (actual quote) in order to stay ahead. don't know about you, but that's deeply disturbing to me. a leader is asking the people under him to STEAL. whatever happened to ethics? maybe that's part of the reason why civic-mindedness is becoming so rare in singapore. and it's not just road etiquette that's deteriorating...there have been reports of people trashing ride-share bicycles, abusing domestic helpers, and other acts which really make me wish for the 90s again. maybe it was because i was a kid and/or am looking back through rose-tinted glasses, but i found singapore so much warmer and more community-focused then.

i've meant to mention this for a while now, but kept forgetting. is making a living in singapore really that hard these days? the reason i ask that (despite knowing that the answer is probably "yes") is because on the two occasions that i've had to dispose of large quantities of unwanted stuff (ie. when i helped my old coach move and when i moved house myself), i noticed that people were engaged in what the americans would call dumpster-diving. like, i'd haul a few bags of stuff to the rubbish point, and when i made a second trip, i'd see the bags that i'd deposited there torn open, contents strewn about. only managed to catch one person in the act...a middle-aged guy. i suppose it isn't wrong, exactly. just wonder why people do it. to find saleable items? or to find stuff to reuse to protect the environment? well...i don't know.

there's another overseas trip coming up for kurash, this time to the motherland (uzbekistan). good thing is that direct airfare is covered. not-so-good thing is that we don't have a direct flight back. or rather, we do, but it's at a bad timing. so long story short, the current plan is that we'll have to pay for the last leg of our journey home. i'm actually impressed that my savings have lasted this long. if i play my cards right, they'll sustain me until june-ish. that's provided there are no more big expenses from now till then. might have a trip to jakarta next month, but that can probably be settled by my tuition income. travelling after that might be challenging, though.

refereeing in judo is something that i have to settle soon. might as well use the downtime after national schools to get a reply. i'll ask the referee director tomorrow. i hope he's got a good argument in place, or it's going up to the JUA. i hope i'm not mistaken about his character. i actually do consider him a friend. but if he has to bow down to greater pressure, or if he's really desperate to stay in power, then i'll have to rethink my opinion of him.

although the lab work progress is not ideal, the one saving grace is that my paper has been accepted for publication! FINALLY. with this, there's a better chance of passing my thesis exam with fewer complications. i need to get the thesis out by the end of this month. don't want to pay another month of season parking. come to think of it though, it's cheaper to pay one month of NUS season parking than HDB season parking. hmm...i wonder if basing myself in NUS might be more logical?

that's it for this post i guess. i do want to get thesis over and done with as soon as i can. being in limbo like this isn't optimal. it's like, i want to kick back and relax, but i can't because lab weighs on my mind. and i can't focus 100% at work, because my brain drifts off to post-submission plans. so annoying.

-random thought of the day: Maybe it's time to think about emigration.-

I AM SO ANGRY!

talked to the officer in charge of investigating my case earlier today, and his investigation outcome was that there was insufficient evidence to charge either of us. he said that since the other car had not come into my lane, and that what i identified as the turn signal in the video could be the reflection of the street lights against the side mirror, the other party wasn't in the wrong. while i do respect our police force for all they do to keep us safe, i cannot help but think 'WHAT LJ REASONING IS THIS!??'. what's even more infuriating is that apparently, to have a rock-solid case against the other party, if this happens again, i'm supposed to let the other party hit me, then claim his insurance for damages. don't you think there's a problem with the system where the only way to get fair treatment is to put yourself in harm's way? i'd much rather avoid an accident than be on the receiving end. i absolutely cannot believe that such little importance is placed upon human life and safety. what's more, the whole incident (and accident) wouldn't have occurred if the other party had not come so dangerously close to my car, so the blame should lie with him, right?

thankfully, they gave me the contact of the officer's superior, and speaking to him was slightly more productive. it seems now that my best course of action would be to appeal the decision, and the superior officer told me that he would assign someone else to do the review. separately, i've updated the workshop on this development, and they're going to consult the lawyers to see how best to proceed from here. i can think of a few possible outcomes, but i don't want to speculate here.

maybe it's because i didn't drink enough water today, coupled with the effects of the usual hot singapore weather, and the extremely rage-inducing experience of talking to the investigating officer, but i'm feeling a headache coming on. should probably sleep earlier tonight. need to get in some lab work tomorrow. the current plan is to aim for end-april at the latest, though i would ideally want to submit by 15 april. there's a kurash thing happening in uzbekistan later this month, and if things go according to plan, i'll have a chance to referee there. but let's aim to complete the thesis and submit first.

on a side note, there's more money-sucking stuff on the horizon...like paying my insurance premiums. good thing that income from tuition is finally coming in, after the initial 2 sessions' commission from the agency was deducted. once again, prioritize.

-random thought of the day: So many distractions...most of which are self-inflicted.-