This should be my last post of/in(?) 2004, unless i'm struck by the urge to blog again before 12am.

looking back now, the most suitable theme for 2004 would have to be "making memories" or something just as cheesy. this has been undoubtedly my best year in secondary school, and it was a great way to end my stint at cat high. now, for a brief recollection of (almost) everything that happened this year, a.k.a. random events that pop into my memory. events may not be in chronological order, but here goes:

- sitting in class on the first few days of school hearing Leong talk about the (then) upcoming year and the big, scary o-levels.
- playing pool with some sec 3s after the chinese new year celebrations in school.
- being the only one in class to pass the evil Mrs Chung's first physics test, with a score of 25/50.
- rushing down to marina bay 2 or 3 times a week until april.
- being scolded by ALong before the cross country, and discovering my hatred for the words "i'm disappointed in you".
- spraying my hair yellow for sports day, and helping out in the cheering.
- writing (what i think was) my best essay of the year during prelim 1, and watching my essays' standard decline gradually after that.
- failing history 4 terms straight (passing in prelim 3 due to moderation).
- being taught by the holy, one and only, Mr Lee.
- screwing up the chinese june paper and missing oral practice due to that.
- saturday lessons with Mr Bobby Yong, which were held about 3 times out of a potential 8.
- starting to write fanfiction, and receiving some pretty flattering reviews.
- ALong's farewell party for the bowlers.
- going bowling to relieve stress after each prelim.
- becoming better friends with most of 4-6.
- making new friends outside of my class.
- staying back late in school, sometimes for no reason at all.
- talking with DM Toh about various issues.
- Mrs Tay's maths classes for the amaths failures.
- reporting at 7:10 every morning for english.
- playing pool like crazy during and after my 16th birthday.
- watching more movies in this year alone than for the past 5 years of my life combined.
- meeting a friend for her birthday lunch.
- meeting lots of old friends in the primary school during teachers' day.
-taking photos for almost all class gatherings/trips.
- morning coffee during o-level period.
- talking to ALong about shears, and getting the exam question right.
- hearing Leong's unchanging prayer throughout the prelims and once during the o-levels. there's comfort in familiarity.
- going to somerset and dhoby ghaut almost every day of the holidays.

i'm sure there are lots more things that i can't recall on the spur of the moment, but this'll have to do for now. i have to finish this entry by 12 and it just turned 11. next up, a list of the things i've been meaning to say/blog about, but have either forgot at that specific time or simply have not bothered to recall:

- i've been dying to use 5.00 in my blog title since i added the numbers in.
- i forgot to mark the 1-year anniversary of the Japan trip, which was from 23-30 december 2003.
- getting drunk is fun.
- i'm starting a bottlecap collection. refer to the above statement and go figure.
- Do As Infinity makes great music.
- everything posted here is posted for a purpose.
- staying over at friends' houses can be really really fun. even if there's no internet.
- spontaniety is one of my best friends.
- your writing reflects your character - something i've come to realize.
- chem is really really fun.
- i love Savage Garden.

that's as good as my memory will go. and besides, i have strict time constraints. below will be things i have meant to say to the people around me.if your name isn't here, i have probably said everything in my christmas card, or you have forbidden me to mention your name, or i think you'll never read this, or i just don't like you. if any readers (if any at all) have any doubts, MSN me. without further ado, (and in no particular order,) the list:

- Sherman: i think i really screwed up my message in the card. it wasn't supposed to sound so...relationshippy, like we were on the verge of breaking up. anyway, nice ipod. evil boy. i'll be seeing you until march (and maybe for another 2 years).

- Juliano: JULIE!!! WHEE!!! *squeezes* cheers to insanity! ^__^

- (Almost) the whole of 4-6: thanks for the memories!! my last 2 years in cat high have been enriched in a way i would have never dreamt possible.

- All my teachers from 2001 to 2004: thank you guys!!

- (Almost) all of 1-5 '01 and 2-5 '02: thanks for remaining friends up till now!!

of course, there are thing i can never reveal online, and those will still stay a secret until the right time. right now, it's 11:59. may all my readers have a great year ahead as we venture into the unfamiliar territory known as JC life. *raises glass of non-alcoholic grape juice* cheers and best wishes for 2005 and beyond!!

-thingy of the day: Happy New Year!!-

Some quizzes/surveys/MeMeGens today...

Your Christmas is Most Like: The Nightmare Before Christmas

Christmas was not a big deal for you growing up... And you're still trying to figure out what it all means.

You Know You're Addicted to Anime When...

You call your dog Shinji. You perform a canon ball dive into a pool while yelling "Spirit Bomb!" Your house has an anime room. You and your friends flash peace signs and take girlish poses when you are happy. You get an anime tattoo. even though you're scared of needles. Your walls are covered in wallscrolls and posters from your favorite series. If you use the term 'Kawaii' for describing everything. You try to convince your girlfriend that 'cat ears' and 'tail' really looks good on them. You can sing songs from your favorite shows, in Japanese, even though you dont speek Japanese... You spent hours looking through your library for a copy of "The Universe of Four Gods" You have legally changed your name to that of your favorite charcter. You wear a necklace and fall down everytime someone says sit boy. You insist on having an entrance that includes spotlights, music, and raining cherry blossoms (while you hold a rose if you're a guy). Your only dream is to attend Tokyo U with a girl you haven't seen in 15 years. You play an instrument and you nick name it Inuyasha For valinetines day you buy a stuffed dog and make up your on japanese name for it If you get mad at you teacher and draw a picture of her as a anime demon cat You wtch Iron Chef constanly to pick up great recipes ( haven't done it but plan to ) You've bought a twenty dollar ring in the shaped of a dragon to show off at school. You always have your hair covering your left eye and always fliping it so you look like a anime character. You think that falling flat on your back with your legs in the air is a normal reaction to big news. You are worried because you don't have several desirable members of the opposite sex frantically trying to make you fall in love with them. You shave a cresent moon onto your cats head, dye the cat purple, then take it to school and insist it's Luna, your talking cat. You go around town trying to eat donuts and act all crazy-like, all the while saying you're Vash the Stampede. To resolve a conflict, you insist in a duel. The employees at Gamestop know you, and tell you when you walk in if they've gotten a new shipment of anime DVDs. You've gotten angry at someone and placed two fingers on your forehead shouted the word "Makanekasopo!" (specail beam cannon or light of death) and then poked them in the eye. You waste countless amounts of hair gel to get that "Goku look" You map out points in Tokyo where the Dragons of Earth might attack You believe it is possible for a person to be severly beaten in the head with a large hammer, stick, etc...and still come out alive. You have a moment of confusion whenever you go to school because there are no girls in those tiny little skirts that come with their school uniform You yell out 'Baka hanyou Inu-Yasha!' at your birthday party and everyone (except your parents) knows you're talking to your boyfriend. You tell your parents you need to stay out past curfew to save the colonies. Each time you see a stray animal, you turn your hat sideways and throw one of those plastic Pokeballs Burger King was giving out in their kids' meals yelling, "POKEBALL, GO!" You add "no da" to the end of all statements you make The majority of your CDs are Japanese or the English version of a Japanese soundtrack or the English soundtrack of an anime that just decided that it would use English in its songs. You misplace your manga and someone at school you don't even know gives it to you saying they knew it was yours. You incorporate Japanese, somehow, into every class. You use random Japanese words such as baka, kawaii, and hentai. You try to read every book from right to left You take a break from watching anime to go to your computer (nicknamed Lord Conti) to download anime (for previewing purposes only! ;) ), while visiting your favorite anime forum, while listening to Japanese webradio... You call your parents Oka-san and Otou-san You say ITADAKIMASU!! before you eat your meals You think that locket your boyfriend gave you will turn you into a magical girl You'll risk grounding to get a good new fanfic. You constantly say "w00p" after almost every sentance. You insist on chopsticks for everyday use. Your bookshelf is filled with anime boxed sets and no books You stop listening to the radio because english makes no sense to you anymore and it's your first spoken language You call yourself "otaku." All of your family portraits have been altered to the proper super large eye size. Random battles seem to erupt wherever you go. You take the time to write messages on your cigarettes, only to burn them right away. Your dreams are animated. You naru punch all the guys at school, and then wonder why they don't follow you around like keitaro follows naru. You hold your eyes really wide all day trying to make them stay big Duct tape is really funny to you and most of your threats involve taping people to walls. When you're washing dishes you yell out "SUPAH WAVE SMASHUH!" or any water attack. You run out of space on your computer because the hard drive is taken up by hundreds of anime pics, mp3s, midis, and music videos. You spend all night trying to figure out how many people you can get to go in with you on buying the complete collection of Sailor Moon episodes in Japanese. You spend your whole spring break working on an anime webpage. You expect to see a teardrop over someone's head when they get embarressed. You start to speak with an odd accent. You can watch two animes in the same room at the same time and still have the TV off. You know your favorite character's bloodtype. Knowing Sailor Moon helps you on an Astronomy test. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to anime.

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You Know You're Addicted to Coffee When...

You can jump start your car without cables. You answer the door before people knock. You get a speeding ticket even when you are parked. You've worn out your third pair of shoes this week. Your eyes stay open even when you sneeze. You grind coffee beans in your mouth. You can type sixty words per minute -- with your feet. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. You sleep with your eyes open. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. Instant coffee takes too long to make. You channel surf faster without the remote. You don't sweat... you percolate. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. You short out motion detectors. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. The only time you are standing still is during an earthquake! You've worn the finish off your coffee table. All your kids are named Joe. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. People get dizzy just watching you. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. When someone asks 'How are you?' you say, 'Good to the last drop'. You buy milk by the barrel. You can outlast the Energizer bunny. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You can't even remember your second cup. You chew on other people's fingernails. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. You don't get mad, you get steamed. You don't need a hammer to pound in nails. You don't tan, you roast. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You help your dog chase its tail. You introduce your spouse as your coffee mate. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. You lick your coffeepot clean. You name your cats Cream and Sugar. You ski uphill. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson. You speed-walk in your sleep. You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House. You think being called a drip is a compliment. You think CPR stands for Coffee Provides Resuscitation. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low. Your taste buds are so numb; you could drink your lava lamp. Your Thermos is on wheels. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. You've worn out the handle on your favourite mug. You take your morning coffee with you in the shower. Your heart beats noticeably faster as a reaction to the smell of coffee. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to coffee.

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You Know You Drink Too Much When...

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof? You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties. You have a "happy hour" at home When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong? You spend all night making a board game called Alcohol Land Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car "Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol." Your favorite drink is ethanol. "Why does everybody think I have a prinking droblem?! - I don't have a prinking droblem!" "I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender." You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse. You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast You frequently urinate outdoors. When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't. You fall asleep taking a dump. You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse. You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you. You find it's easier to study drunk. You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center. Beer ads make sense. You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching. You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room. The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot". You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer. You mix your cocktails by the litre. You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin. You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss. When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5. You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not! Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem! "Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar. You can focus better with one eye closed You fall off the floor. You discover in the morning that liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore. The glass keeps missing your mouth. Vampires get woozy after bitting you. At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..." Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm. Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive. If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories. "Take me drunk, I'm home!" You wake up naked lying in the corner of a bus depot. You drink to get over a hangover. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much.

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You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are a "Don't Tread On Me" Libertarian

You distrust the government, are fiercely independent, and don't belong in either party. Religion and politics should never mix, in your opinion... and you feel opressed by both. You don't want the government to cramp your self made style. Or anyone else's for that matter. You're proud to say that you're pro-choice on absolutely everything!

What political persuasion are you?

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame. You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out. You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable. You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go. Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive. Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

What's Your Element?

>Quiz created with MemeGen!

What sexuality are you? by Jix
Name:
Sexuality:	Bisexual

My internet may not be able to stay connected for long. therefore, it's going to be a rather tough task to quickly and effectively summarize 2 days of activity. here goes:

Thursday
the highlight of the day would definitely be meeting an old friend whom i haven't seen since the end of 1997, which is about 8 years. John, or Jo, as (i believe) he prefers to be known as, has changed so much in appearance. but through lunch, and a few hours after that, i found out he's still the same nice guy inside, with the exception of his personality(?), which has become way more extroverted. but i suppose living in australia does that to people. australians are pretty friendly by nature, so it's expected that some of their culture will rub off onto others.

aside from that, the day was spent pretty unproductively. pool, waiting for 1+ hour at buona vista, and basically nothing else. although spending the night away from home was refreshing. we all need some variety in life once in a while, no?

Friday
waking up at 8:30 in the morning to go (once again) to buona vista. it may not be the best thing to do on chirstmas eve, but it had to be done. we were expecting to wait an hour or two there, as we were still traumatized by the previous day's experience, but luckily, we were able to jump to the start of the queue. of course, this made us feel happy, and also gave us 4 hours to kill. so it was spent in the arcades, having lunch, then finally, at 2:45, we went to watch kung-fu hustle.

there will be no spoilers here, for fear of ruining things for others, but all i can say is that it's a really great show, with great special effects. one thing though: the trailers do not give an exact account of the storyline, and almost all the clips can be seen in the first 20(?) minutes of the movie. maybe that's their way of not spoiling the ending and keeping the viewers guessing. overall, my rating's 4/5.

aside from that, it was just dinner at marina bay, which was pretty much the usual stuff. not much to say here.

Now
feeling a bit tired. as i type this sentence, there are 6 more minutes to christmas. i can't believe i forgot to include a birthday message in Daryl's card. *looks for nice hard wall* anyway, i'll have to compensate by saying:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARYL!!

will anyone who has read this kindly direct Daryl here? i can't have him not see this.

so much for trying to sleep early. since it's christmas, i guess sleeping can wait for a bit. but by next thursday, i'm really going to have to be asleep by 11:30. something about calibrating the internal clock again. mine's just an hour or two off. shouldn't be too difficult.

-thingy of the day: Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his.-

Some people can be denser than bleeding platinum, which has a density of about 21.5g/cm^3.

today didn't go exactly as planned. wasting about 3 hours in bugis isn't exactly productive. should have at least tried to play something. but still, making 2 friends - or acquaintances for now - was pretty ok.

nothing seems to be working out. time for me to step into the sidelines and let others do the co-ordinating.

must watch kung-fu hustle...but with it opening so close to christmas, everywhere's bound to be full-housed. and i can't make bookings for it until the official release date, which should be thursday. which most probably means i'll only watch it on friday, if my booking's successful.

oh. and in case anyone's still wondering, it's CJ science for me. until march that is. it's said that CJ's stronger in arts, and i hope that the science department doesn't suffer too much because of that. well, as long as the chem isn't below standard, i'll be more than satisfied.

i've just received some great news. it seems that one of my friends has come back from australia. we haven't seen each other since the end of 1997, and i'm thinking of asking him out one day, preferably before school starts. we have about 6 or 7 years of catching up to do, but i have this premonition that we'll end up running out of things to say. but still, it should be ok.

i've said it before, and i'll say it again. blue, bleeding hell.

-thingy of the day: There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.-

Nobody online's fun to talk to. resulting in me being rather bored.

haven't been doing any writing lately. i'm way behind schedule. about 2500 words, or 1.9 chapters behind. averaging 1300 words per chapter doesn't sound like much, but writing it is a whole different story. which is why i have great respect for people who write 3000+ words per chapter and yet have as many chapters as i do in a complete story, or more. the ideas just aren't flowing for me right now. there are many scenes which have to appear, but i'm just having trouble sequencing them and making sure nothing's left out.

after watching saiyuki, something suddenly struck me. how can all the main characters all have that...ability to happily taunt their enemies, even in the middle of a heated battle - and win? their outlook on life is so different from "normal" peoples'. they must have extreme confidence in their skills, or something like that. wouldn't it be nice if we could somehow import that same high confidence back into our lives? i think they have a certain wisdom that none of us can get from our current lifestyles.

maybe tomorrow will be less boring than the past 4 days or so.

-thingy of the day: You know you're addicted to alcohol when they find traces of blood in your alcohol stream.-

Not really in a blogging mood. so, to take the easy way out, it'll be a lyrics post today

The Corrs - Give Me A Reason

Give me a reason... (Give me a reason... Give me a reason...)

It's not romantic here in blue,
Swimming, swimming in blue.
You left me lonely and confused,
Question, questioning you.
So soon goodbye you stole my heart,
I'm believing you.
Was it a lie right from the start,
Answer, answer me do...

Well now my body's weak - so just give me a reason,
And my make-up's off - so just give me a reason,
And my defense's down - so just give me a reason,
Give me a reason...
Give me a reason...

You'll never know the love I felt
Waiting, waiting for you
It takes a weak heart to forget
Follow, follow it through

Well now my body's weak - so just give me a reason
And my make-up's off - so just give me a reason
And my defense's down - so just give me a reason
Give me a reason
Give me a reason
Give me a reason...

[Violin solo]

So what's a girl like me to do
Drowning, drowning in you
And who's to save me from the blue
Carry, carry me through

Cause now my body's weak - so just give me a reason
And my make-up's off - so just give me a reason
My defense's down - so just give me a reason
I am strong enough - so just give me a reason
Now my body's weak - so just give me a reason
And my make-up's off - so just give me a reason
My defense's down - so just give me a reason
Give me a reason (And my body's weak)
Give me a reason (And my make-up's off)
Give me a reason (My defense's down)
Give me a reason
Give me a reason
What did I do wrong...

B-Witched - Blame It On The Weatherman

(Oh...)It's just one more day,
No one said there would be rain again.
I won't blame it on myself ( yeah),
I'll blame it on the weatherman.
Get away for a while ,
Here I am, out on my own again.
Won't blame it on myself (yeah),
I'll blame it on the weatherman.

Standing on the shore,
Calling out your name,
I was here before.
I could see your face,
Only clouds will see,
Tears are in my eyes,
Empty like my heart.
Why'd you say goodbye?

The rain goes on (on and on again),
The rain goes on (on and on again),
The rain goes on (on and on again).

Alone, I can hear,
Hear our song,
Playing for me again.
Won't blame it on myself (oh no),
Just blame it on the weatherman.

Standing on the shore,
Calling out your name,
I was here before.
I could see your face,
Only clouds will see,
Tears are in my eyes,
Empty like my heart.
Why'd you say goodbye?

The rain goes on (on and on again),
The rain goes on (on and on again),
The rain goes on (on and on again).

Maybe it's too late,
Maybe it's too late to try again.
Maybe I can't pray (Maybe I can't pray),
Maybe I can't wait (Maybe I can't wait),
Maybe I can't blame the weatherman.

The rain goes on (on and on again),
The rain goes on (on and on again),
The rain goes on (on and on again).

Oh blame it on the weatherman...

Michael Learns To Rock - Paint My Love

From my youngest years,
Till this moment here,
I've never seen
Such a lovely queen.

From the skies above,
To the deepest love,
I've never felt
Crazy like this before.

Paint my love,
You should paint my love.
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets.
It's the freedom of a thousand doves.
Baby you should paint my love.

Been around the world,
Then I met you girl,
It's like comming home
To a place I've known.

Paint my love,
You should paint my love.
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets.
It's the freedom of a thousand doves.
Baby you should paint my love.

Since you came into my life,
The days before all faded black and white.
Since you came into my life,
Everything has changed...

Paint my love,
You should paint my love.
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets.
It's the freedom of a thousand doves.
Baby you should paint my love... (Paint my love...)

Paint my love,
You should paint my love.
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets.
It's the freedom of a thousand doves.
Baby you should paint my love (oooh...)

Michelle Branch - You Set Me Free

Can't you see?
There's a feeling that's come over me.
Close my eyes,
You're the only one that leaves me completely breathless.

No need to wonder why,
Sometimes a gift like this you can't deny...(oh...)

'Cause I...I wanted to fly,
So you gave me your wings.
And time held its breath so I could see (yeah).
And you set me free.

There's a will,
There's a way,
Sometimes words just can't explain (can't explain)...
This is real,
I'm afraid,
I guess this time there's just no hiding, fighting,
You make me restless...

You're in my heart,
The only light that shines there in the dark...(oh...)

'Cause I...I wanted to fly,
So you gave me your wings.
And time held its breath so I could see (yeah),
And you set me free.

When I was alone (When I was alone),
You came around,
When I was down.
You pulled me through,
And there's nothing that I wouldn't do for you... (for you...)

'Cause I...I wanted to fly,
So you gave me your wings.
And time held its breath so I could see (So I could see),

'Cause I...I wanted to fly,
So you gave me your wings.
And time held its breath so I could see (yeah),
And you set me free.

-thingy of the day: Just reading these lyrics cannot convey the full meaning of the song.-

The last 5 days can be summed up as boring, with the exception of pool and a movie. nothing much is happening to/with/for me right now, and the next time i step out of the house, it'll probably be for pool again. what a fun life i lead.

been doing my writing. done up to chapter 8 now, plan on finishing up to at least 13 by january. there are only 6 reviews, which means an average of 3/4 review per chapter. disheartening stats like that would make any aspiring author give up, but i have to go on. otherwise, there'd be one less way to kill time.

i can't believe i'm saying this, but i wish school would start already.

-thingy of the day: Boredom makes you do weird things.-

2 weeks before school begins. i don't know why, but suddenly, looking at it from this perspective, 2 weeks doesn't seem that long a time. not that it really is anyway. ironic as it may seem, i suppose dreading to return to school has given me something to look forward - or backward - to.

after being in the house for 3 straight days, it was definitely time for some exercise. game/sport of choice: pool. and not the swimming kind either. i must say that i'm improving, even though it isn't as fast as i'd like it to be.

after the sunset was actually quite a good movie. and this is coming from someone who usually doesn't go for the whole action thief spy secret-y thing. but i loved the storyline. and the ending. no spoilers here, but it's definitely worth a catch. and that reminds me. there are lots and lots more good movies to catch. stuff like national treasure and blade 3.

my cousin once said that you dream of weirder things and remember dreams better when you're stressed. well, it's the holidays now, and i don't see where my stress is coming from, but i am remembering my dreams. some are just plain...screwed up, for lack of a better expression. the old chinese proverb says "you dream about whatever you think about while awake." for me, i find that to be only partially true. some of my dreams have totally no relation to my life. maybe it's a sign.

i'm also seriously starting to consider writing properly again. as in capitalizing the necessary stuff. even though it's been a year and a half since this blog's been up, it's never too late for change right? sometimes i find myself reflexively holding shift after i finish a sentence. must be all that other writing i do. while i'm not sure i want to implement the change yet, you'll naturally see it when (and if) it happens.

-thingy of the day: Don't live your life for anyone other than yourself.-

Where do i begin?

quite a bit has happened in the past few non-update-y days, but not much with value significant enough to mention. in summary, gastric flu's over, leaving a tremendous loss in appetite (can drink but can't eat), turned down and had a potential job offer taken back at the same time due to...issues, played 280 consecutive minutes of pool. 3 days of my life in less than 40 words.

in the past 11 years, up to when i can actually remember most of my childhood, december has always been the month of change. this year, i'm not expecting it to be different. sounds like a paradox. or poor expression. in this holiday season, i *know* that i'll definitely strain a few friendships, perhaps to irreparable extent. not all my decisions will be the best, and i will be forced to live with the results.

i find that changes are taking place within me as well. no, this isn't a "what's hair doing there?" change, but more of an ability which i've lost, namely, the ability to make my pictures tell their story well. it's been like this since the farewell assembly, and at the recent grad night as well. i can no longer decide when and where to take timely photos, resulting in a fragmented whole picture. while staring at my collection of photos from the abovementioned two events, i often think 'where did this part of the day go?' it's terribly frustrating, and i hope it's a temporary block.

my writing's suffered too. there have been no reviews on my latest chapter on fanfiction.net, and as any writer knows, it's a tremendous blow to the ego. the original plan was to finish up all 15-20 chapters up by the end of the month, but i think that the original plan may have to be shortened to 10 chapters due to lack of material, and even then, the deadline may not be met. oh the pressure of being a writer sometimes - and to think i'm not even working on any major project.

the 4 days ahead are looking rather boring. aside from an occasional pool session, i don't think there's going to be anything much to occupy my time, seeing that some friends' schedules are unaccomodating. seeing as that's the case, i think i had better make use of this sudden block of free time to make up my christmas list and settle the shopping which will surely follow. deciding what your family and friends would really like is never easy, both on the mind and pocket. there have been a few half-baked decisions swimming about in my mind, but there's nothing concrete yet. time to get down to serious thinking.

-thingy of the day: Parents who are too strict have simply forgotten how to be young.-

Remember what i said about needing more sleep and general discomfort? i'm now attributing that to gastric flu, which i was diagnosed with yesterday. i really wonder how that happened, seeing as i've done nothing out of the ordinary recently. also, in an attempt to re-synchronize my body clock, i'm making the effort to sleep by 12 every night. sounds a bit to disciplinary for the holiday season, but it's for the best in the long run.

but still, even though i may be sleeping early, my offer still stands - my phone's on 24/7. even though i may not reply instantly, i will reply. and i'm still waiting for a message that may never come.

-thingy of the day: Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.-

My pride gets the best of me sometimes. just like on sunday night/monday morning. after the dinner (which i will talk about later), we went off to try to catch a show, but all the cinemas (even the late-night ones) were closed. so we went to the LAN place, which was supposed to open until 5 but closed at 3. in there, i found out that due to years of corrosion, my strategy games skills are at rock-bottom level. everything i played, i lost. i'm severely out of touch with the LAN gaming world. not that we have had any previous contact anyway.

after LAN, it was stoning. eventually, stoning became boring and we went for pool. apparently, i'm a good pool teacher. we played until a bit later than 5, and the guys running the place were really nice to let us complete the game. then, seeing that there was nothing else to do, we sat outside Meritus Mandarin and played chinese chess. imagine that - three people (in semi-formal wear, no less) sitting outside the hotel playing chess. what a sight.

i desperately need to take pride-swallowing lessons. not only will it make me a better learner, but it will also help prevent me from looking and acting like a total jackass in the future. i should also learn that without practice, skill deteriorates over time. finding out that you are not as "immortal" (as i like to put it) as you think is never easy. especially when you find that out in the presence of others. as a result, to avoid public humiliation like that again, i've decided to do do some research on some popular LAN games so that i'll be better equipped to stand a chance of winning should the opportunity present itself again.

oh well. no more unhappy memories. time to talk about the dinner. basically, the theme was pretty irrelevant, as most people wore formal attire (quote "I'm the mayor of the town!!"). aside from that, the programme was semi-enjoyable, sabo-ing teachers and all. i can't really say too much about the food, but the soup was good.

for me, the main attraction would most definitely be photo taking. not that i'm narcissistic or anything, but i did take a (relatively) large number of photos, and those with my face in them will, as usual, not be seeing the light of day for a really, really long time. aside from that, the other highlight of the night goes to finally settling a 3.5 year bad relationship. no grudges indeed.

i'm becoming more dependent on sleep recently. i used to be able to stay awake for 45+ hours, but now, only after 30+ hours, my body demands that i sleep for 13 hours in return. but that's just a minor detail.

i hope everything works out ok.

-thingy of the day: "The purpose of life is a life of purpose."-

We're fast approaching december. a year has gone by just like that. it's hard to believe that it's been almost a full year since japan. all the memories are sudenly flooding back. too bad there won't be a chance this year.

did jc application yesterday. only filled in 3 out of 12 choices. i think it's true what they say. about 1/4 of the CJ population will be from cat high. i also found out that VJ's out for me as well, regardless of score as they don't offer the chem s paper, which i am dead set on taking. oh well, there's always RJ. *gets shot*

i know it's none of my business to post other people's affairs here and let the world find out, but i hope you feel better soon. see you at grad night.

-thingy of the day: In my left brain, there's nothing right. In my right brain, there's nothing left.-

And finally, all singaporeans involved in the education industry, teachers and students alike, breathe a sigh of relief. the 2004 o-levels are, on all accounts, over. even though i should not have a care in the world for the next month or more, the education system will never let its students feel that kind of unrestrained, pure freedom. for you see, i still have to settle my firat 3 months, and it looks like the decision is made, what with my lousy prelim results.

sadly, nobody is to blame for this more than i am. of course the teachers could have set an easier paper. of course the school could have helped us more through moderation. but on the flipside, i should have been prepared for the high standard. and as i've said before, i shouldn't even need to rely on moderation.

but it's no use feeling bitter any more. what's done is done, and unless i have time-altering powers, all the regrets won't make a difference.

everybody appears to have their life plan set out in front of them. i do too as well, to a certain extent. however, it's not too detailed. all it says is "do whatever it takes to get a good university education, preferably majoring in chemistry, then find a well-paying job and earn bundles of money in the next 15 years to last forever." kind of vague, if you ask me. after consultation with several relatives and teachers, it appears that the only way my plan has the remotest chance of coming true is if i take up science in jc. quite frankly, i feel i'm quite up to it, seeing that both interest and ability are in place. it's just that the teachers in, say, VJ and YJ are worlds apart. i'm not trying to discriminate, but past experience in both primary and secondary school has proven this.

wednesday will be oh so fun. really.

-thingy of the day: When you're down, there's nothing like motivational quotes to make you feel worse.-

It's my pleasure to introduce Open Up Your Mind - 5.00, a blog design for the holiday season and beyond. although i don't see the connection between Nightcrawler and christmas, that's not too important right now. 4 hours or so of my long holiday was spent on this, which translates to relatively little time.

yesterday was rather unexpected. i thought the whole school would explode in a frenzy of excited screaming, and it did - but only for a few minutes. after that, it just didn't feel right any more. i really don't know why. maybe it was because some of us may never see each other again, or something equally mood-dampening.

but anyway, i have to go. on top of having nothing to say, my eyes burn.

-thingy of the day: I'm staying out until 5am every day. Don't care.-

My tagboard doesn't seem to be working. odd. it usually never lasts for more than a day. maybe it's time to switch to flooble or something.

exams make the days whiz by. it's friday tomorrow, and incidentally, the end of our suffering. after that, it's time to kee siao and waste the next 4 months away. and speaking of exams, i don't think i'll fail anything, but no straight A1s also. quite depressing. we're supposed to be worry-free until the results come back. but looking at the situation now, i doubt we'll have fun.

since it's the second-last day of the exams, i went and got myself X2. watching it brought back some memories from last year. next on the list is spiderman 2, followed by X1.5...lots of money flying away.

when i'm in school or anywhere else, i can think of a million things i want to blog about. but the moment i open a new post, it all slips away.

-thingy of the day: "Never trust a beautiful woman, especially when she's interested in you." -Magneto-

History's over. *FINALLY*. by right, i can worry about other things, like geog and physics, which are both set for tomorrow. however, history still bugs me. doesn't feel like an A1, or even a B3. i'm just hoping.

as usual for geog, industry and development. both are related to SS and are somewhat interlinked as well. should be manageable, and if i'm lucky, quite fun. after all, the questions appear to be pretty standard.

have to end here. nothing to say now.

-thingy of the day: Without evil, what good is good?-

Decided to take a break from Nazi Germany to blog a bit.

life's been kind of boring these few days. weird thing to say, considering it's 3/4 way through the exam. and even though the 19th is drawing closer day by day, so are my remaining 7 papers. this means that technically, only half of the exam is over.

some stress relief (in the form of laments, complaints etc. etc.) will follow. press Alt+F4 now or forever hold your peace.

first off: studies. very worried for my relative velocity, germany, geog and physics. i don't foresee that many A1s, which is scary. because according to one teacher, "this is the only time you can study hard for one month and still get all your A1s." definitely must redouble effors in those areas. especially history. i think the malayan paper went quite well, and my modern world is NOT going to jeopardize it.

secondly: people around me. i thought studying at my second home would be better for me, and it is, to a degree. but then, even that has its drawbacks. i think we all agree that too many authoritative people in our lives is not a good thing. but this isn't all that serious.

thirdly: something personal, which if i reveal, i'll never hear the end of. so, that will remain private until...whenever.

now that that's over, i think i feel better. and as i'm used to saying, if you tell yourself something long enough, you'll actually begin to believe it. time to go read league of nations.

-thingy of the day: Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.-

The last few days have passed by really quickly. there was maths/amaths 1, history 1, english 1/2, all in the space of 3 days, which is not too bad. which means i'm left with maths/amaths 2, history 2, elec geog, physics 1/2, and chem 1/2. doesn't look too scary in writing. that's a good sign.

fatigue's been catching up to me as well. i just slept for about 5 hours, and i'm really sorry i didn't reply to anyone on MSN because being the genius i am, i fell asleep while the computer was on (which is a very very bad disadvantage of using a laptop on a bed). let's just say i had a semi-rude awakening due to heating effect and metal being a good conductor and all that.

before the exams, somewhen around january or so, i had this image of myself studying late at night by this nice small desk lamp. it's weird how your mind suddenly just conjures up these visions, and what's worse is if it actually happens. i haven't been doing much late-night study actually, so i guess the image was sort of inaccurate.

seeing as it was friday, i decided to catch a movie after the amaths paper. Princess Diaries 2 is not too bad. funny, yet with a meaningful storyline. i won't spoil anything here, but it's really worth watching if you have free time.

time for me to end this post. trying to finish up a chapter of fanfiction over the weekend.

-thingy of the day: "Queens are never late. Everyone else is simply early."-

2 down. 6 more to go. something like that. chinese went smoother than in june, thinking of B3. today's SS was great, except that time management was poor. it's the first time i haven't finished an SBQ properly in...ever. luckily, the SEQ will pull me up for once.

tomorrow's a tough day. english and history means friction burns on my hands. not good at all.

here's some comic relief for you all...

One night, a burglar was in the process of cracking a safe in a rich man's home. Suddenly, a voice boomed, "Jesus is watching you!"

Turning around, the burglar saw no one there, and went back to his work. When the same mysterious voice had cried out, "Jesus is watching you!" several more times, he decided to investigate.

Tracing the sound to a dark corner, he snatched away a cloth covering a cage to reveal a parrot inside. "Did you say that?" the man asked the bird. "Yes," it replied.

'Wow, that's one smart bird!' the thief thought to himself. Deciding to test its ability a bit more, he asked, "What's your name?" And the bird responded, "Theodore."

"Now who would give a bird such a silly name?" the man wondered aloud, to which Theodore replied, "The same guy who named the bulldog behind you Jesus."

-thingy of the day: Which element are you?-

Since everyone's posting on how much they've studied, i figured i'd do the same, even if it is to give myself a rude awakening. so here goes:

English: no way to study, but the formats for letters and everything seem to register...70%

Chinese: only the formats are in place...25%

Maths: oh boy...40%

Amaths: still need to clear some things up, mainly in identities, rates of change, relative velocity, log and trigo/ln/e differentiation/integration...35%

Physics: the foundation's pretty much nailed in...45%

Chem: have to go through some last-minute things...90%

History: <insert long, bitter laugh>...15%

SS/Geog: been doing it for the past few days...55%

looks like it isn't all that adequate. and still, i could find time to take a walk by east coast to think some issues over. it's great being immune to the exam bug. maybe i should start selling my blood as a vaccine to over-stressed students. $35 for each jab. big money.

-thingy of the day: As you can see, I'm not cured of denial yet. Shoot me.-

I'm feeling pretty frustrated. some of my things are taking turns to disappear at regular intervals. i'm not going to lie and say that it's due to exam stress, but it's irritating all the same.

i think i'm one of the people who are least affected by exams. i don't go into hyper mugging mode or freak out like the world's ending. despite knowing the whole "it's your future...far-reaching consequences...your loss" speech front-to-back, inside-out, and any other way there is to it, but the impact has yet to take full effect. and the exams are 5-odd days away. wonderful.

better stop thinking about it that much. sometimes, it's not whether you want to do it or not, but whether you screw up.

-thingy of the day: A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. -Stalin-

My phone's back. feel free to call again. just so all of you know.

physics was unexpectedly manageable. in fact, i'll go a step further and say it was easy. electricity did come out, and it was finding resistance as expected, but in a new way. still, it was fun. they say any value between 8.0 and 10.0 will be accepted, but the "correct" answer is 9. and i got 9.3939393939....pretty close.

what i did not expect was a question on mechanics. but regardless, it was quite ok. although i think i will lose marks for description. and ironically for me, this design experiment was easier than chem's; i'm confident of 4/4. although it's surprising that they didn't ask for precautions on either question, considering how the school's been going on and on about it.

overall, it looks like full marks is obtainable, because i'm quite sure i did not screw up the labelling of the tables, got all my sf's right, drew a well-labelled diagram, got 7 points for the graph, got my best-fit line even though the points weren't exactly aligned, the centre of mass of the ruler/balancing the weights seemed reasonable, design experiment went well, and all my answers seem to match up to Mrs Chung's standard, which is no mean feat. she is EEEVIL.

so this leaves one worry. i'm sure all the previous posts will clue you in. i think SHE's beginning to get desperate, which means she will say just about anything to get me away from the exam hall during the history paper. so far, she's tried 3 gulit traps; personal, to friends, and to the school. sounds like HBK logic. i don't know whether i'll make things easy for her, but as Mrs Terminator said, "Make decisions with a clear mind." my mind needs a bit more time to clear up.

and i'm beginning to develop a sore throat. don't ask how. i'm clueless too. bad things never come alone.

-thingy of the day: Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.-

Physics tomorrow. and possibly history after that. that means that my day will end around 5. not very good.

i've decided to give history one last shot by staying back for the test tomorrow. sure leaving a note saying, "I'm sorry, I just can't do it" will take one subject off my study list, but then, taking the easy way out doesn't seem as glamorous as going down in a blaze of glory, does it? and i've made the promise that if i fail, i will not turn up for the actual exam. call me crazy, but yes. and i intend to stick to my word.

it's kind of sad that this has to happen. this is the only subject in which i face this much trouble. i've done my studying on some important chapters, and covered over half the book. i feel adequately prepared, but i think i'll be shot down if a surprise springs up. then again, i don't think that history will be in my L1R5.

ahh. i'm thinking too much. time to go sleep.

P.S. Don't call my phone for the next few days. i accidentally left it somewhere and can only get it back during the weekend.

-thingy of the day: "Muscle can move mountains, but faith can lift an entire civilization." -Nightcrawler-

I'm feeling a little sad. mainly because that i realized that my design experiment may be a bit faulty. but oh well. no use screaming over it. better focus more for the written paper.

i have seriously considered giving up history. "give up" here means not even turning up for the paper. worst come to worst, i'll just use combined humans, which is what i may end up doing even if i take history. and it's not as if i *need* history or anything. i guess it's true, what they say about selective study during this period.

-thingy of the day: Nothing today.-

I frightened myself over the chem practical. turns out the titration was almost the same as prelim 3's. just different calculations, but still rather easy. ^__^ i'm confident of getting 20/20 for it. as for QA, i'm not that confident, only looking at a 17 or so. but still, it will contribute significantly to the A1 at the end.

*DISCLAIMER: these are judged by my standards and you should only use it as a reference. you are NOT allowed to curse and swear at me because i have to aim high for my best subject.*

physics practical's on tuesday. having a little premonition of focal length and an electricity question. hoping that my prediction comes true. but in the event it doesn't. i'll be prepared anyway.

it's going to be another boring few days of study.

-thingy of the day: Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. -Rita Mae Brown-

Been looking through the pictures i took with several teachers, and i've made a few conclusions:

- i suck at smiling naturally

- i look horrible in photos as a result of the above point
- i happened to have a semi-bad hair day
- and with long hair, that's just not good
- add that on to picturophobia as well

as a result, none of my photos will be going up on imagestation this time round; so sorry. besides, these are rather...intimate, and there's this nagging (paranoid) suspicion that my face will end up on a dartboard. so no.

feeling slightly up above in the clouds now. guess why? just read the tagboard messages. ^__^ gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling somewhere. also, many thanks to the people who have expressed (whether out loud or not) their birthday wishes.

doing english papers is just about one of the most boring things on earth. but we must persevere. time to go off.

-thingy of the day: "I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run." -Babe Ruth-

There's this song sung somewhen in 2000-2002. the name's not important here, but one line of its lyrics go "They say you never miss the water until it's gone." how apt for such an occasion.

yes, the day started out a little negatively, with the scolding in english class. yes, geog wasn't that interesting that day. yes, we missed the chem practical briefing. but in the end, none of it really mattered. all that mattered was that it was the last day that we were officially catholic high students.

the farewell assembly had to be sentimental, of course, with a powerpoint presentation dedicated to each class. i'd have to say that 4-6's, 4-10's and 4-11's were the 3 most outstanding ones that were shown. notice that the form teachers are all men who've been in the school for a significant period of time? especially 4-11's, which was more of a dedication to the school by an old boy.

our teachers also helped make this day unforgettable for us through their actions, such as this poem by Terence Goh:

I am forever grateful
For this opp'tunity
To have shared this fleeting moment
In your esteemed company

With so many individuals
And as many idosyncrasies
It's been quite a unique experience
Not to say it's been a breeze

Physics was such a challenge
Science made it all the more
English almost impossible
To teach, but not to bore

Some feathers we have ruffled
Some nerves we've worn too thin
Such times have quickly faded
From my memory deep within

But the times of joy and laughter
And the care you can display
Will always seem to me as if
It happened yesterday

So let me put in record
The joy I've felt at heart
When help I could you render
Your growth to play a part

Now when I count my blessings
The goodness that I find
My cup doth runneth over
I have a hundred six and nine

though i'm not quite sure what some of it means, i get the gist of it. and i must say, he's a really good writer. other teachers also did rather sweet things for us, such as these lines from Leong:

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no days, no hours or minutes. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists. They will all expire. the wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived. It won't matter whether you were handsome or brilliant. your gender, skin colour, ethnicity will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learnt, but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage and sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you know, but how many will consider you a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter are not your memories, but the memories of those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, for whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

this reflects his character more than any one single action.

there are a million more things i want need to say, things like personal messages for each and every person, from index number 1 to 32. things like telling everyone to keep in touch. things like setting up a big reunion 5 years later or so.

all the photos i've taken suddenly seem so irrelevant, insignificant. because i know for a fact that this is one of those rare days in a person's life where the memories will still be as vivid as ever, no matter how much time has passed.

-thingy of the day: Think of this not as goodbye, but as a new beginning.-

You know that odd feeling you get sometimes? it's like one minute, you're fine and in prefect condition. then, a minute later, you feel the world spinning rapidly and it's not taking it with you. in other words, it was a sudden rush of illness. felt wrong. just wrong. went home before history test as a result. hopefully, people won't get the wrong idea again.

tomorrow's the day. no, not just the day. it's THE day. where my 4 years of secondary school officially end. 4 years' worth of emotion is just going to be concentrated in the 2-odd hours at the hall. there will definitely be laughter, tears, and occasional shouts of, "We did THAT!!?" hopefully, nobody and nothing spoils it by a bad choice of words, actions, or hardware failure. it's also a day to settle any old scores (peacefully), and tell all your friends how much they really mean to you. of course, there are some people in all our social circles who will get what they really deserve. maybe i'm one of them, but i'll know for sure tomorrow.

a letter just arrived. turns out my uncle hasn't forgotten to send his annual birthday card. he's been doing it without fail for about 6 years now. it's really nice. he does this for every single one of his family members. i've been taking this for granted all this while, but it's time i give him some sort of acknowledgement. although it's a bit odd; he didn't sign it like he has done so far.

-thingy of the day: Remember your ties and cameras!-

Well, life's one big study cycle again. nothing much interesting going on. just looking through books and making myself believe that i can pull a miracle out of thin air. self-delusion once again. the scary thing is, it's working. chem practical's only about 9 days away, and once the first exam wave hits you, time just flies after that.

i still feel that i'm not doing enough for history. oh sure, i have some basic facts, but elaboration and linking is totally out of the window. a sudden impulse tells me to not even turn up for the history paper. looks like my L1R5 may come from 7 subjects after all.

this is the time for all the bad decisions to came back and haunt you/me/us like the persistent ghosts that they are. like subject combinations, choices of topics to spot, ignoring certain subjects altogether, and even placing too little emphasis on your stronger areas. so many regrets, so little time to make up.

and if that's not enough, i suddenly have the urge to redesign this and turn it into Open Up Your Mind - 5.00. i've even though of a couple of ideas already; either Sephiroth or Spiderman 2's Doctor Octopus. really shows my priorities, doesn't it?

-thingy of the day: "For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 'It might have been!'" - John Greenleaf Whittier-

Yes, i know what i'm about to say is an age-old quote, but time really flies, doesn't it? there are only...2 more weeks to the first paper. i really don't know what to feel. it just sucks. and my overly-concerned history teacher just called to enquire about my absence. can't really blame her, but i think history won't be part of my L1R5. not because of personal bias or anything like that, but my grades aren't making the cut. if grades have been around D7 to C6 for all 3 prelims, it's fate's way of saying, "give up on history."

feel like screaming.

-thingy of the day: Rushing against time is a race that is rarely won.-

Darn. my neck feels sore.

these few days have been quite draining. luckily, today ended earlier and i was able to go be happy for a while. really miss that feeling. that for 3 hours, nothing really matters in the world. sadly, there'll be less and less of these special moments, until november 19 anyway.

looks like teachers are affected just as badly, if not worse. Mr Lee's losing his temper almost once every lesson now. and to think he's usually so cheerful. he doesn't deserve this. nobody does. but we can't completely blame him though. i mean, he used to be this really high-level chem teacher until he was posted (voluntarily or involuntarily?) to a secondary school. he's even thinking of leaving at year-end. if all the rumours i've heard are true, and the teachers who are said to be leaving really leave, the school will just drop like a blue whale in a vacuum.

just been doing some typing of history notes. it's a bit like lifting from the book, just that 5 pages are condensed into 1. all that tedious typing makes me want to get a C-pen, ie. the thing that "reads" printed text and stores it digitally. then again, maybe typing is better. you actually eliminate the less important bits and know what's going into the paper that you will rely on for studying.

all of a sudden, i feel like turning my head sharply in either direction to try and get rid of the ache. but knowing my luck, i'd probably break something. so sleeping it off seems to be the next best choice.

-thingy of the day: It stops being a joke when one party no longer finds it funny.-

Looks like the week got off to a good start.

no english and history for 3 days. it's happy. oh so happy. at least there won't be the holy terror nagging me about history, and speaking of history, the modern world SBQ got me 16 marks, which means i need 12 for SEQ just to pass. seems acheivable...hopefully.

i'm thinking that this 8-hour school day is going a bit too far. it's tiring. seriously. and what's worse is, most other schools' students are on their study breaks. yet, maybe going back to school is a good thing. some (or most) of us lack discipline for self-study. no fun.

-thingy of the day: All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.-

Now how do i start this post?

oops. just did. so much for lame introductory statements. appaerntly, there will be some moderation, but not for the subjects where i need it most (eg. amaths and history). quite sad, but it's even sadder that i have to rely on moderation in the first place. hopefully, my points will go down to 13-15 or so. but i doubt it. that means a 5-odd mark increment in just about every subject excluing amaths, history and chem. *huge groan* i doubt the teachers will be that kind.

shocking is the word. looking at the countdown timer that Wee Seng has kindly set up, i've noticed that our 6.6 million-odd seconds have become 2.5 million seconds and counting. where have thise other 4.1 million seconds gone? down the drain, with approximately only 40% of it used productively. still need to brush up on certain subjects, and according to some calculations, we have about 16 hours to devote to each subject, give or take some.

still must finish up chinese and some other work. with 12 hours left to the start of school tomorrow, it isn't impossible.

-thingy of the day: Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.-

It's been an interesting couple of days.

first off, my grades are as follows:

EL - B4
Chinese - A2
Maths - B3
Amaths - E8
Physics - B4
Chem - A1
Combined - C5
History - C6 (unsure)

L1R4: 14
L1R5: 19

not too bad, but could be WAY WAY better. i need some more 1's here and there, like in maths, english and chinese. there's improvement in all subjects except for amaths, with a 3-grade slide, and possibly history, which may stagnate at 7. rather satisfied overall; at least some ulu JC is in sight. of course, i could have counted wrongly, and if so, i seek your pardon and ask that you inform me.

but sadly, this is just for prelim 3. our overall grades are, if anything, going to jeopardize our chances of entry into JCs for the first 3 months. looking at the MOE website, my prelim 3 results qualify me for the science faculties/streams of CJ, Jurong, SR, TJ, YJ. not much of a choice. if i'm not mistaken, we're supposed to do 4 main subjects in JC. i'm thinking 2 sciences and 2 maths for me or something. but looking at the dissatisfactory amaths grade, i don't know.

the maths department has confirmed that there will be relatively lesser moderation for their subjects, and even if there is, it's only pushing the failures and some others up, and it's only for this prelim. making a guess at overall prelim L1R5: <=25. tomorrow's saturday, but still going back to school to settle some payment and photos. but very tired now, off to sleep.

-thingy of the day: -

Talk about the weirdest day of the year.

the dreaded, much-anticipated english result came back. essay: 19 functional: 18 compre: 16 summary: 10. lousy. but there's a potential +4 if Mrs. Terminator agrees to all the points i put up for argument. i'll only know tomorrow, when i try to prove my case to her. C5 now, but there's a potential +-1 in grade when oral's factored in.

ss SBQ came back as well. only got 14 out of a potential 18. looking around the hall at that time, it would have appeared that most of the pure history people were rather pissed off with the results. we're supposed to be the elite in everything LORM-related, but these poor scores just aren't justifying it. hopefully the modern world paper and malayan structured turns out better. if not, oh boy.

something really freaky happened at thomson plaza today. some peirce people (specifically, this girl) were/was trying to pick a fight on the grounds that we (or more specifically, i) tried to pick a fight with them. now those of you that know me will find a minor flaw in this situation - i do not randomly pick fights, if at all. so, in the end, a brutal and possibly bloody confrontation was avoided. now let me just clarify one thing. i do not hate or despise peirce people; i even have some old friends there. but sometimes, i don't know why, they tend to be more...touchy. and yes, this is somewhat an unfair generalization.

lessons resume tomorrow. from 0710 to approximately 1530. long day for the win. but it's for our own good.

-thingy of the day: Bring EL TYS tomorrow!!-

Slightly better day. the exam results weren't as saddening as before, although there is a general deprovement in humans and improvement in sciences. physics went up by 3 grades, from a D7 to B4. chem stagnated, but i suppose it's good, being an A1 and all. XD

but ss structured went down from 18 to 13, while malayan history source went down from 17 to 12, a 5-mark deprovement in both areas. hopefully, none of this will contribute to a failing grade. placing hopes on geog and modern world now. with luck, a B grade can be acheived for both subjects. and not to forget english. oh boy.

the history people were talking about prospective JCs. someone came up with this statement, "first 3 months go CJ, after that go anywhere else." don't know how true (or sensible or ideal or recommended) that is, but i'm trying to stay away from CJ unless absolutely choiceless. unfortunately, with the results that have came back, and the negative predictions for the future, it doesn't leave me with that many options.

it's worrying to see someone look so sad. especially if it's someone you care a lot for. unluckily, the person in question seems to take no notice of anything i'm doing. but it's still tearing me up inside to know that he looks so depressed and suddenly withdrawn. wish there was some way to take some of the negative feelings away from him. in fact, from everyone else as well.

-thingy of the day: Definition for "Wife": An attachment you screw on the bed to get housework done.-

It's kind of sad, really...

one word describes my grades so far: abysmal. failed amaths. (31+37)/160, which is 42.5 out of 100, E8. maths was better than i expected, 57/80 and 66/100, averaging to about 69/100. one mark from A2. overall, total maths grade has deproved by 1. not good. quite heartbreaking, really. luckily, there's no need for suicide yet. however, there will be if chem screws up tomorrow. i'm counting on that A1.

feeling terribly depressed. not just because of results, but it feels as if my life's become a movie. it certainly seems to obey one of the movie rules, that is, when the main character is feeling a particularly strong emotion, something will pop up on tv or radio to complement this particular mood. coincidentally, this episode of a show that i was just watching was a rather sad one.

i've also just realized that my smile for the class photo was rather cocked up. looked twisted. the fun shot also lacked some enthusiasm on my side. nevertheless, still ordered one of each, both 5R. when i look back on it in 10 years' time, i don't know what i'll think.

what a way to start the week.

It makes me mad, really.
Wish I could blame a twister,
Or a...hurricane, or my pesky sister.
Wish I could blame away this feeling...in my heart.

-thingy of the day: The one good thing about a near-death experience is that it throws everything into perspective.-

Rainy, rainy evening.

nothing much to do now, even though my first major paper's only a month and about 4 days away. that can't be good. not at all. it's funny how the worry seems to have died off a little instead of increasing. i suppose it's just a slight break and studying should be back in full force by mid- or end-week.

a thought just struck me. quite painful </lame>. it was evidence that i've been thinking too much about x-men and marvel, because i found myself wondering what it would be like to have certain mutant abilities like telepathy or magnetism or even body modifications such as 4 mechanical arms or 2 carbonadium coils. even though it seems impossible now because of the lack of technological advance and certain moral issues, who knows? maybe these issues will clear up 5 to 10 years later. if so, i can just imagine. magneto's power and any implant of your choice: $30 000 or more, top up $12 000 for telepathy. then as the years go by, the prices get cheaper and cheaper until it costs about $10 000. then $5000. then $300. how...interesting. or i just have a twisted imagination.

school tomorrow will involve a lot of cursing and swearing, and (hopefully not) some suicidal thoughts. mainly because both maths papers are coming back. i won't say i'm not prepared for a fail, because i may have deserved it. but it would be a pleasant surprise if both passed, though right now, it seems unlikely. but right now, i'll leave it to fate (and the teachers) to decide this. however, i'm not too worried about ss. probably because a pass is 80% guaranteed, as well as a 40% chance for a distinction. maybe the rain's a sign of things to come.

-thingy of the day: Fathers send their sons to university either because they went there or because they didn't.-

ALong has a nasty habit of disappearing after school. but the weird thing is, her car's still parked. will have to settle cca records on monday.

today was wonderful. they showed The Last Samurai, and sadly, that was the first time i saw it. even sadder, i only caught half of it. must get dvd. and that's in addition to spiderman 2. potential hole in pocket gets bigger by the day.

something's just struck me. every school term, there are 4 phases. studying for the exam, taking the exam, waiting for results, and actually getting the results. i wonder - which is the worst one? some food for thought here. oh well. tired. really getting old.

-thingy of the day: "Nosce te Ipsum" means "Know thyself" in Latin.-

First day of post-exam activity went rather well. minister of state for education, Mr. Chan Soo Sen (although i could have sworn it was tharman) who, incidentally, is an old boy, came to talk to us about the exams in general. he's a really good speaker (comes from being a politician), and the fact that he made some actually funny jokes and called us "brothers" only helped to strengthen the feeling of common-ness with him. and i'm really surprised that he can remember the school's mission and sing the school song so well. shows the level of patriotism, doesn't it?

then they screened POTC at the auditorium. not bad, although there were some initial screw-ups in the sound system. and yes, i'm slow, but today was the first time i watched it. interesting storyline, with some smart plans on (exasperated voice, "Captain") Jack Sparrow's side, and a large dose of humour throughout the whole thing. sort of a good, non-scary ghost story.

the only sad thing was the checking of cca marks. i think eric wong has a *tiny* problem with controlling a large number of students. and even though he succeeded in getting slience, it was rather...forced and only acheived after twice the time a teacher like say, Danny Tan would have taken.

but the cca records are quite screwed up. i know i definitely represented the school at least once, if not twice, but it shows zero there. real odd. maybe it's because ALong only took over last year and some things from 2002 may have been left out. i know i deserve more than my current score, because well, i covered for most of the committee on various occasions and while i may not get A1, i know an A2 is out there somewhere.

chem prac after school was pretty frustrating. all about chromium but describing colour changes are my weak point. for solids dissolving in anything to form solutions anyway. and heating stuff too. irritating. but my solution analysis (ie. Q2) got full marks. and word is my chem mcq went relatively well. *more ego boosting*

anyway, tomorrow should be better. more movies anyway. thinking of bringing Johnny English in and bribling either the teachers or the ava/imedia person to play it. comic relief. fun fun fun.

-thingy of the day: Van Helsing parody. Click to watch. Real funny.-

I hate to use a cliche, but it's over (once again). a collective sigh of relief swept through the hall at 9. in fact, the sigh soon turned into screams of...excitement? joy? don't know. not intending on finding out either. the post exam actvities the teachers have lined up for us look quite lame. but oh well. maybe the movies might be worth watching.

time for some realistic predictions:

EL - if nothing screws up seriously, B3.
Chinese - result came back. 104.5/150. looks like a...60+%?
Physics - if mcq works out, a B4 should be within reach. prac got 23/30.
Chem - A1. 70% chance. prac got 34/40 XD.
Maths - if graphs and loci go ok, C5 or B4.
Amaths - if lucky, C5 or C6.
History - C5 to B3, if everything's ok.
SS/Geog - may work out to a B3 if SEQ and elec geog are fine

prospective L1R5: 17. not too bad. but it must be cut by half in december.

feeling slightly happier, but still tired. went OE and Cineleisure to do typical after-exam catching up on lost hours of play. i just learnt what is and how to operate a manual gear/transmission for a car!! *feels proud* but i could more practice. it may come in useful in about...3 years' time.

so many birthdays coming up. woohoo. big hole in pocket will develop soon. but as long as it's for good friends and family, i suppose it's worth it, if it helps maintain good relations and all. and speaking of relations, i think i'm too suspicious about the people around me. the weird thing us, i'm not even related to these aforementioned people, and i have no right to control their lives or influences their choices in any way. ahhh. must learn to stop being so...overprotective? possessive? authoritative? don't know.

-thingy of the day: "Set" has the most dictionary definitions among all English words.-

AARRGGH. i hate myself. twice i spotted potential SEQs and twice, they came out as SBQ. so irritated. but at least some background knowledge saved me again. hoping (really hard) for a pass. best case: 37/50.

last paper tomorrow *sings*. the only thing better than that is, it's chem!! *sings louder* woohoo. it looks like tomorrow's already starting to look up.

-thingy of the day: Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.-

*stabs horrible physics paper* aahh. passing physics doesn't seem so definite now. eeevil mcq. stupidly lost a few marks here and there. won't live it down if that costs me my pass. hopefully won't fail paper 1 again.

2 more papers to go. singapore history tomorrow and chem mcq the day after. spotting topics again. very very bad. *just guessing* british intervention, merger/separation, maybe WWII, emergency/communist threat, and that's about it. i do *NOT* believe that malayan union will come out again, and someone please shoot me if it does.

-thingy of the day: A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.-

*pokes hard drive* Nope, still dead. *cries*

music withdrawal is oh-so-*bad*. the lack of sound is making coming online a very lonely experience. there's not even the sound of someone starting an MSN conversation. but then again, it's the prelim season and everyone's online only to ask questions. and it's not a big boost to the ego to be told to buzz off, or worse, blocked.

been doing some thinking recently. not just about studies, but about human relations as well. funny how when you *think* someone is THE one, you try to force him/her into a mould of yourself, making it seem as though you both have a lot in common, that both of you exist to make each other's life complete. for some lucky people, it may work out, but for the majority, when both parties take a step back, they find that they're better off without each other, and everyone feels really stupid.

now why did i just post that??

physics paper 1 tomorrow. doesn't sound like much, but there's that premonition floating around again. not good for a person's mental state. i really should have mugged (and still be mugging now), but *no*, i'm heading down the road of poor grades. something's wrong with me.

-thingy of the day: In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.-

I am so, so pissed off right now.

my portable hard drive just decided to die on me. all my work, music, fanfiction, and basically everything else important is balancing precariously on the edge of the abyss. i believe it's a hardware fault, but i'm hoping it won't come down to a reformat when (and if) i send it for repair.

catching up on sleep is good. slept from 10pm yesterday to 12pm today. 14 hours total. feeling more energized than before. but it's a bit too late.prelims are about 85% over in terms of how much study there's left to do. just history 1 and 2 mcqs. none of which are bomb-able.

-thingy of the day: The people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind.-

Quote which best symbolizes mood: "I saw Chairman Mao's face on the cartoon, and started to cry."

ok. not so literally. i just didn't expect the school to be so consistent. china as SBQ for 2 prelims straight. and sadly, it was the only thing i mugged. luckily though, some residual collapse of peace in europe info was still stuck in my brain somewhere in the middle of last november. so that was dug out and transferred onto paper. hopefully the examiners had the same topic in mind while setting the paper. if not, my history's shot to hell.

in case my background's not visible, it's because photobucket, my image hosting place, crashed several times over the few days. so white will have to do for now.

i've never been more happy in my life at the end of a week. intense studying is taking a toll. time to sleep the day away. until tomorrow at least.

-thingy of the day: The first time I actually had something to write, and there wasn't enough time.-

Prelims drastically reduce a person's tolerance. none are immune to its effects.

been catching less and less sleep as the week progresses. not good. actually mistook the time the geog paper ended. started panicking at 10:00 because i thought it ended at 10:15. but then again, it can be seen as a blessing in disguise as i finished with only 2 minutes to spare. imagine what would have hapened if i didn't rush. the magic number for the paper appears to be 22. yes, it's a failing grade, but as long as my ss doesn't get 35-40, i can accept it.

luckily i paid off some of my sleep debt this afternoon. it's only 2 hours, but it's still better than nothing. feeling slightly re-energized. but seeing as there's history tomorrow, i...don't know. seems like a lost cause to me. and it's combined with amaths. thankfully, there's a 4-hour break in between and more cramming can be done. study china all the way. but don't take my word for it.

-thingy of the day: It will be a LONG, LONG day tomorrow.-

Let's do some clarification. the story is NOT Frankenstein. i got over that quite quickly. it's something else. something that left a much more lasting impression, something that haunted me for about 10 years.

anyway, today was maths and chem. yay. maths went relatively well. but the string was tied too tightly. don't know if they were serious for deducting marks for that. other than that, some questions were left blank, but not from lack of time. just blanked out some parts. actually hyperventillated for a little while. it was *that* intense. thinking of...60+ or 70/100? maybe i can get my first a1 in maths. it's just a thought.

i got scared by Mr Lee yesterday. he said not that easy to get a1. but i thought it was easier than prelim 2. i could be grossly overconfident here, but i believe i have reason for doing so. everything was explained to the best of my ability, no slacking anywhere. except for a few where i got jammed (ie. lack of details, don't know enough) i think everything else looks wonderful. luckily i stopped to do a spot check. saved myself about 4 marks by correcting my butene structural formula. although i have a little doubt about the paper. why make something as complicated as energy change an optional question? maybe they're really going out of their way to help us. i'm going to go a little far here by predicting a 70+/80. unless they penalize for excess denied. of course, this is being ultra optimistic. don't take my word for it.

sometimes, people should be able to look through a high-power electron microscope and see the molecular thickness of the line between a suan-ing/teasing statement and something that's just plain rude. this applies to all of us, just more to the people who are guilty of this. not mentioning names here, but i think they know who they are.

geog tomorrow. will be relying on common sense again, i suppose. or not. have to do well. must at least pass, if not get >30. oh well.

-thingy of the day: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.-