"In this world where life can be so tough, you must be strong; just believe in yourself and don't you fear...so open up your mind, and close your eyes...take another look from the other side."

these lines are my source of strength/inspiration, so don't be surprised if i quote them or start humming the tune to their song (btw. a cookie to anyone who knows where they come from).

anyway, the laptop's down. which means i'm back to using this rather screwed-up desktop. relatively inferior good. XD econs is way way scary. i'm really starting to see actually how little i know, especially in demand/supply and elasticity. makes me feel so zi bei. physics isn't boosting my confidence that much either. even though i'm doing quite ok now, there's still term 1's stuff left uncovered.

i suppose there is certain comfort in monotony. right now, all i have to do is school, a bit of work, and sleep. i think i could get used to this lifestyle.

maybe it's a little late, but i have to say that 1T20's already pretty well-bonded. no evil class politics or anything like that. it's possible that i'm too insensitive to pick it up, but for everyone's sake, i really really hope there's nothing.

tomorrow's a half day. glory glory. only 4 hours of school. which means that i get to sleep in. in case you find something amiss, school is from 11:00 to 3:00 tomorrow, thus explaining the ability to wake up late.

my paragraphs are getting shorter and shorter. suddenly, the mood to blog has vanished. i honestly thought i'd have a bit more to say since this is my first entry in a week, but oh well. until next time then.

-thingy of the day: Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a method of travelling.-

Today was a semi-ok-ish day. definitely not the best, but it could have been worse too. the main source of annoyance was training. after not training for a week or so, i was hoping to get some action. sadly, it was not to happen. i was pushed back in the queue at least 7 times in randori (sparring), and didn't even get to fight a single bout. it was fine for the first 5 bouts or so, but it was really off-putting subsequently. the higher the anticipation, the higher the disappointment when you don't get to do what you wanted to.

anyway, today is my grandmother's anniversary. it's hard to believe that she hasn't been around for *counts* 6 years already. 6 whole years. 2192 days. 3/8 of my life. don't know where all that time went to. 21 april is definitely not a happy day.

as promised, i have to write about what could have happened if i was in SJI. let's do it in point form:

What could have happened
- I could have known half of my class better
- I could have held a higher belt rank in Judo
- I may have scored better in the o-levels
- I could have done triple science

What would not have happened
- I would not have known the majority of cat high sec 4s and sec 3s of 2004.
- I would not have had what i do now
- I may have done worse for the o-levels
- I would not have known Mr Lee
- I would have not even heard about victor's
- I would not have such good contacts

still, i think maybe cat high was the better choice for me. then again, i'll never know for sure unless i rewind and choose SJI. maybe some things are better left as they are; no use thinking too much.

right now, physics awaits. 30+ questions by tomorrow. whee.

-thingy of the day: It's ok to bear a grudge, as long as the other person knows about it.-

All the accumuluated pressure and all that have come together and manifested themselves as a running nose/fever/headache combination. so irritating. don't know if can train tomorrow also. so sad. i think the main reason this is happening is because i'm lagging behind in work, and that does not make me feel good. well, all i can do now is to go to sleep and hope it disappears by tomorrow. as a personal reminder, the next post will be on 'What if I had gone to SJI for my secondary education?' until then, i'm off to get some panadol and a hot drink.

-thingy of the day: No mood to continue.-

Don't you find it scary when horoscopes hit a little too close to home? my daily horoscope on friendster was 100% right when it said i would be feeling angry for no reason. i also don't know why i felt that way just now...probably an effect of stress. but it's more or less cleared up now.

project work's starting. that means i'm actually doing 5 a-level subjects. power to me. everything'll turn out ok.

i've been doing some thinking (instead of physics). i've come to the conclusion that, supernatural forces aside, there is no absolute most powerful thing. it's all a circle. example:

a sculptor was complaining about his life, about how hard his job was, how much he worked, etc. so a higher power got pissed off with his whining, and told the sculptor, "i'll turn you into whatever you want to be."

the sculptor thought for a while, and said, "the sun's always so powerful and hot, blazing down hard on me. turn me into the sun!" and so the higher power did so.

then, the new sun started shining really brightly and generally made life difficult for the people...until a cloud came by and blocked his rays from reaching the earth. upon seeing this, the sun wished to be turned into a cloud, and was thus transformed.

so, the cloud blocked the sun, showing off his power, but was soon blown away by the wind. believing that the wind was more powerful, requested to become the wind, and so the wind he was.

the wind was zooming around, blowing everything away...when it met a rock. the wind found that it could not move the rock, no matter how hard he blew. so (see the pattern yet?) he wanted to become a rock.

the rock was just standing there, feeling really tua pai, being a space waster, up to the point when another sculptor came and started slicing litle bits off him. in the end, the sculptor comes out on top, but he would be defeated by the sun, who would lose to the cloud, etc.

pretty pointless story, right? i originally envisioned this post to be more substantial, such as talking more about my sucky week, tomorrow's long day, pe and judo, general boringness. i'll just end here since i'm running out of stuff.

-thingy of the day: Is it good to implement lectures at secondary school level?-

mmm...Lousy start to the week. what went wrong:

- Alarm was set to an hour later than it was supposed to go off
- Shoes weren't laced right
- Was nearly late for school
- Forgot to bring tie
- Moved class into an extremely hot room 2 floors up
- Econs tutorial was not all-the-way done
- Chinese was boring. REALLY boring

as i was typing the above, i also made a list of the things that went right:

- Still made it to school on time
- Nobody noticed my tie deficiency
- GP essay was quite up to (my) standard
- Cleared up a concept in chem
- Physics is becoming funner
- Class is becoming a bit more cohesive (and fun)
- It rained!! Less heat

hmmm...7 bad, 7 good. sort of balances out. in retrospect, maybe the first line sounded a bit too harsh. but anyway, let's look forward. tomorrow seems to be not as good as today. long day of lessons, PE, and training almost immediately after. i'll have to catch as much rest as possible while waiting for and on the bus to SJI. glory funness. my week doesn't look too optimistic, but who knows? something could come along and turn it around 180 degrees.

for now, graph of happiness against time still has a negative gradient. mainly because of econs, physics and maths. *huge sigh* oh well. that's JC life for you.

-thingy of the day: Econs is scary.-

This is way cool. blogger just came up with a way to recover lost posts. though it's not guaranteed 100% to work, it will save lots of time and energy when it does. i'm actually extremely tempted to lose this post on purpose to test if it's really ok, but eventually decided not to just in case it really screws up.

i never thought i'd be so happy to see another 4-6 guy. it's like when we went for lunch, all the evilness, tiredness and stress of the past week seemed to evaporate into insignificance. i think it really lifts your spirits when you meet someone familiar; someone whom, in relative terms, you trust more and know better than the majority of people around you. it's really good for your heart, soul, and mental state.

of course, the subject of class will invariably link to the topic of our schedules. the latest (and most likely permanent) version came out today, and oh boy, we are in it *deep*. one glance at it, and the first thing that came to mind was, "whoa...so many 5pm days." basically, these 5pm days fall on all the official non-CCA days, ie. monday, tuesday and thursday. wednesdays and fridays end at 2 and 4 respectively. not much to rejoice about, really. what's worse, there's training on tuesday and thursday, and it starts at 4:30. what's EVEN worse, we end with PE on the abovementioned two days. oh wow. nevertheless, it's an improvement over the last edition of the schedule. at least we go home somewhat earlier.

i'm beginning to wonder if i'm taking on too much stuff at once. 4 A (and 2 AO) subjects, plans for an S-paper, judo, CIP back in cat high, and NYAA. it seems pretty little when listed out like that, but that's because the sub-headings haven't been expanded yet. to think i was considering running for council as well. i think that idea will be scrapped, unless my day suddenly consists of 35 hours and my energy gets a permanent 300% boost. hopefully only the council idea will not see development. i can't imagine forfeiting my chance for the S-paper or judo, which i've come to find great interest in.

ah well. i believe i've said enough for a day. must remember my new year's resolution of not getting angry unless absolutely necessary, and of not judging people by their looks alone. from now on, we'll just see how things progress.

-thingy of the day: It's easier to try not to lose than to try to win.-

"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me..."

that line's been floating about in my mind for quite a while now. don't know why either. nothing dpressing's happened for quite a while. maybe i haven't heard the song for too long.

stress is starting to accumulate already. you won't believe the amount of work there is so relatively early in the year. i think i'm not good at handling stress at all. there's this consistent funny feeling behind my left eye whenever the pressure builds. i seriously hope that it's not my eye screwing up or anything like that, since it's known to have some pretty serious medical history already. perhaps this is a sign that i have to rest my eyes more and not abuse them like i have been doing.

luckily for us (or more specifically, me,) tomorrow's friday. and that means the weekend can be used to catch up on physics and repay my rather significant sleep debt, not to mention engage in some recreational activities, such as watching the pacifier. oh man, i'm getting old. my energy levels are way way down as compared as to about a year or two ago.

WWE's on tv now. it struck me that i have not been faithfully following the WWE storyline for quite a while...say, about 2-3 months. it's amazing how much the story and characters develop when you don't pay attention. there are a million things about wrestling which i could go on and on about, but for the sanity of any readers, i shall avoid doing that for now.

right now, there's still some homework left to do, like gp and binomial 2. oh dear me. i so feel like sleeping now. maybe i'll just do a bit more before knocking out.

-thingy of the day: I need more quotes.-

Before i rush off to re-look through my physics tutorial, here's the day in point form:

- staying back until 5:30 is ok, if chem finishes the day off.
- have finally got uniform. will not look so outcast-y.
- physics is quite manageable.
- relief GP is fun.
- dismissing at 5:30 tomorrow as well. not much point in training for an hour (or 45 minutes, factoring in travelling time).
- may consider skipping pe or something similar...or not.
- it's very easy to fall asleep in class in the late afternoon.

-thingy of the day: I'm feeling good now.-

Just 2 days into proper classes, and i'm already considering dropping a subject. the reality of the situation i put myself in only fully sank in when i saw my schedule. my dismissal times are something like 5:30, 5:30, 1:00, 4:30 and 3:00. not exactly the earliest times for the majority of days, but i still get to go home at 1 on wednesday due to CCA schedules. this arrangement severely limits after-school plans...although it's not like i have that many of them anyway.

people think we're crazy for doing 4 a-level subjects. i don't want to deny that yet, because i foresee myself thinking that more than once over the next two years. to be honest, i even thought that in the first 3 months. and even though it seems pretty bad, i guess it's good preparation for the workforce, where "dismissal times" may be as late as 8, 9, or even 10pm, and the amount of information we absorb will increase almost exponentially. but looking on the bright side, i'm not the worst off. i mean, there are *really* crazy people who take maths, econs, lit and history. show me 4 As in these subjects (and maybe an S-paper distinction or two) on the same certificate and you'll have my eternal respect/admiration.

still have not obtained uniform. going to look like an idiot on monday. hopefully they can keep to the deadline and have it ready by then. i don't know why; now that most of my classmates are dressed in uniform, i'm starting to feel a little misfit-ted. ah well. i don't think that will happen though; class spirit seems to be relatively strong despite the short time spent together.

after missing training for 2 or 3 weeks ( i can't remember exactly how long), i have to finally go back to SJI for Judo tomorrow. wonder how much i've deproved. oh well. will find out tomorrow. hopefully it's not too bad, and there are still some throwing concepts i have to clear up.

i've also realized that i'm going have to cut down significantly on leisure/online time to catch up in physics and stay at the top in chem. i feel so embarassed...actually answered 3 questions wrongly in the chem lecture. must make sure all the thermochem definitions sink in. as for physics, there's a lot of makeup to be done. funness.

-thingy of the day: Reminder - get notes/tutorial to class by monday.-