Short post to update that today was...lacklustre. i'm usually happy to see the kids after the holidays, but not so much today. don't get me wrong, it was overall positive, but there were times when i just felt kind of neutral or even bleh.

also, i did something that surprised myself (negatively) today. for some reason, i found myself withholding the fact that i got COVID over the winter break while talking with some other people at the office. i felt a strong disturbance/unease in my soul when the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. after thinking about it, the only reason i could come up with is that i was afraid of being ostracized/stigmatized. the thing that frustrates me is that i don't think i'd have had this fear in singapore! so maybe i've picked up more japanese habits than i'd like.

if telling someone about COVID was already this difficult, it made me think about how people with STDs ever muster up the courage to to let people know about their conditions. they never know how a person is going to react, and the stigma surrounding STDs is far worse that that of COVID. on my side, i think i could do more to show support. doesn't have to be a big display, just a small gesture would help. i might consider putting a red ribbon (supporting people living with HIV) on my bag or something.

oh, i don't think i've ever told this story. i came out to scary JC friend in 2014, 9 years after i first got to know her. it was a combination of 2 factors - me feeling down after some failed dating attempts (i think this was before the love quadilateral, which also happened that year), and more importantly, back when facebook had a space for you to write a short bio/introduction, hers included a sentence along the lines of "i'm ok with homosexuality". given that it's been another 9+ years since then, i don't recall whether the message was just "i'm ok with it" or one of outright support. my memory says it might have been "homosexuality is normal", but don't quote me on that. regardless, it gave me the courage to message her and our friendship only really took off from there. and that's why visible/obvious support is important.

that took longer than expected. think i'll end the night by listening to some of the speech recordings, and maybe work a bit on some english materials. the teacher FINALLY asked me to prepare something...although with the new schedule, the other teacher may end up using the presentation i made. not quite sure how i feel about that. it's less of a credit issue and more of a teaching style compatibility issue. well, i'm sure we'll be able to work something out.

-random thought of the day: The 2 key is stuck on my numpad.-