Purging some stray thoughts before settling in to finish off the series of science videos. will definitely request a break after this lot is done. don't know whether to call it privileged or cursed, but i'm in the odd position of being good at something that i don't enjoy doing. come to think of it, that's education in general for me, whether it's making science videos or teaching japanese kids english.

so, it finally happened. someone i know personally is on onlyfans. to qualify that statement, we are hardly friends. even at our closest, i'd call us acquaintances, nothing more. also, we've been out of contact for what, 8 years? anyway, he seems to be really popular. credit to him, he's really attractive. the combination of baby face and gym body works in his case. but knowing what i know about him, i'd prefer to keep our association as it is now - nonexistent. actually i also kind of know his father, and that he has a brother. makes me wonder whether his family is aware, and how they took the news if they are. it's not relevant to me, just that it would scratch my itch for gossip.

having some friction in the raid team. i guess the leader is getting frustrated that we're unable to clear a fight. he initiated a long-ish conversation with me last night, trying to troubleshoot and see where i can improve. that eventually ended (for now) with him sending me a wall of text about how i wasn't being receptive to his suggestions and how i could do more. my first instinct is to tell him to back off and let me figure it out, but i recognize his intention as wanting to help. besides, being defensive is a bad look - especially if at least some of the problem can be attributed to you. even though i appreciate where he's coming from, a part of me still feels...disgruntled? i don't think i'm the worst performing person on the team, and there have been instances in past fights where other members messed up worse. of course, i'm not privy to all communications between everyone, so perhaps he did talk to them and they reached a resolution between themselves. well, just have to get better. that will come with practice and getting to know the fight timeline.

-random thought of the day: Finish off those videos today!-