Guess monday's TA being cancelled is a good thing after all, as my reaction failed today. well, to be more specific, the reaction succeeded, but i kind of messed up handling the product. so, it kind of reverse-reacted to give the starting materials again. so, i added even more reagent and catalyst, and put it back onto the heat. i'll check on it tomorrow, but deal with it only on monday. figure that rushing too much is bad. due to the unexpectedly long(er) and (more) painful process, i had to cancel with army boy today. i feel so bad, because i kept him waiting for quite a while. didn't count on him having something else on. anyway, we're rescheduled for tomorrow, so no major harm done, i hope.

despite today being a public holiday, i still went back to school. for some reason, i don't like being at home when there are too many people. reduces the chances of me encountering stupidity. yet, no matter how hard i try, i can't escape it totally. anyway, it was kind of surprising, yet expected, to find most of the phd students back in lab as well. seems that going to lab everyday really means "every day". on the bright side though, i guess that means i'm on the right track to becoming a phd student.

there's a difference between having interest in someone and just being friendly with someone. but when you like someone, the line between the two becomes blurred. i don't know...while i don't want to appear...stalker-ish/needy, i also have this odd urge to send the person a message at least once a day. damned hormones.

-random thought of the day: Tired. Will continue over the weekend.-

The week so far has been...kind of routine. TA, lab work, and the occasional bit of studying. TA-wise, the students finished early, so it means they get a lab session off next week. while it's nice to have a break, it also means that i get paid for a week less. guess it'll be worth it if i use the time productively for honours research.

going by the way things are working out in lab, i'm definitely going to need those extra few hours. after changing to a slightly different compound, my reaction has gone back to failing again. well, not completely failing, but i've got ridiculously low yields and slightly impure product even after purification. don't know whether i'm leaving the reaction for too long or too short. and i'm running out of starting material too...but that's a minor problem since that can be synthesized with much greater ease. hoping that i can finish purification tomorrow, and end up with enough compound to move on to the main reaction. after that, i'll change to a different functional group, and hopefully never deal with this specific compound again.

semester is ending soon, which means that some last few tests are creeping up on us. there's a transition metal organometallics test 2 weeks from now, as well as the standard assortment of japanese quizzes. good thing that this friday is a holiday, as that means the japanese conversation tutorial is cancelled. while i enjoy the class, it's also kind of a relief to not have to remember a conversation for once. i've also arranged to meet the japanese lecturer for a chat. for some reason, i find myself becoming increasingly lost in japanese. mostly my fault, because i don't spend much time on revision. still, i hope the chat will also address some of the remaining negativity left from the mid-terms.

finally, something not schoolwork-related. i don't know, but it seems i'm in like with someone (yes, again). nothing happened with the previous one...the interaction kind of died out. but for this one...it's different. at least, i think it is. could be my brain messing with me, as it tends to do pretty often. not sure if this will work out, or even if there's anything in the first place. well, i'll see where this goes, i guess.

-random thought of the day: Is it normal to hope for something beyond expectations?-

Maybe it was a bad idea to drive to school while my dad was away. don't get me wrong; it's convenient, saves time, and driving back at night is actually quite relaxing. the only problem is that it's made me want a car THAT much more. every time i think of getting a car of my own, i can't help but feel that it's an unreasonable/spoiled thought. once again, i'm operating under the assumption that while getting another car is costly, it won't bankrupt us. anyway, is it really unreasonable? i seem to be the kind of person who makes one sporadic big purchase, as opposed to many small ones. actually, it should even out, right? based on current (and projected future) earnings, i think i can afford petrol and servicing, but not the upfront cost of the vehicle. and since i can't afford it by my own means, i probably have no justification to want it. still doesn't stop me from hoping, especially during those annoying mornings when the buses don't come often, and are packed to the brim. maybe sometime into my postgrad studies.

for now, however, i won't be driving to school anytime soon, as my dad's back in singapore. went to the airport to pick him up, and got into a little bit of trouble for waiting in a no-waiting zone. don't think there'll be any serious repercussions, since i managed to stop the nice CISCO police officer in time. proceeded to the carpark, where i got charged $1.60 or so for about 40 minutes. felt kind of cheated, actually. in fact, i think i would have lost less money circling the arrival hall than parking in the carpark. if petrol costs about $2 per litre, and if one round is about 400m, and assuming i get 10km per litre, i could have done 25 rounds, which might actually have killed enough time. still, the best course of action is probably to find an inconspicuous place to park next time. either that, or leave the house slightly later. or maybe drive slower...whichever works.

as the first paragraph implies, i should be doing postgrad studies in NUS. reason why i say "should" is because although i've submitted the application, it hasn't been approved yet. then again, i don't think i'll get rejected, unless my CAP falls *touch wood*. also, i didn't apply to NGS in the end. kind of troublesome, plus there's an extra interview. though i get less money over the 4 years of my study, there'll be time to make it back in the future. besides, it's not like i can't survive on $2500 - $2800 a month.

in other news, tuition with army boy is becoming...frustrating. exam is in about 2 weeks, and he still has trouble differentiating nucleophiles from electrophiles. i am mildly worried. don't think it's entirely his fault though...army has been known to inhibit brain function. just hope that he sees the light soon.

compared to some of the chem kids, i'm fortunate enough to have my own place in the student room, along with my own fume hood in the lab. well, not really my own any more, since i'm now sharing with another honours student. still, it's better than some of my friends, who have to split 2 double fume hoods among 8(?) people. the only slight complaint i have is that the student room gets warm/stuffy at night. oddly, the corridor is still cool. i guess the air conditioning is controlled by separate systems. anyway, i decided to do something about it, and bought a power fan...kind of like the one i use at home, but smaller and thinner due to the space constraints at my table. quite excited to try it out, actually.

next friday is a public holiday. guess who didn't know that until recently? i'm grateful for the extra day of rest. actually, the holiday makes me half-tempted to go back to lab, but we'll see if there's a need for that as the day gets closer.

-random thought of the day: Feeling kind of unbalanced.-

Being 24 is not much different from being 23...or 22...or 21...you get the idea. still, my age now shows that i've survived 2 (chinese) zodiac cycles. with any luck, many more will follow. got a few birthday wishes, mainly from the chem kids, and one SMS from a number i didn't recognize. he/she (i'm betting on he) knew me well enough to say "bird-day". so far, i've eliminated NUS and CJC people, so i'm guessing it's someone from the extended family, secondary school, or army. quite surprised that someone else remembered, since i don't really publicize it. my wish this year is more or less the same as it has been for the past 3 years. maybe if i don't write it out explicitly for once, it'll come true.

today wasn't that special. but then, my birthdays don't tend to be special anyway. i'm kind of happy that in general, things went more smoothly today, like my timings coinciding with the buses' arrivals, not being late for anything, and stuff like that. that was nice, i think. funny how i don't really believe that it's the 17th. i know all months have a 17th, but 17 october is...surreal, for some reason.

my plan of having breakfast at the community centre's dome cafe ultimately fell through. that's because it closed down after sunday. guess that plan's shelved until the new establishment comes up. from the looks of it, it's another cafe/eatery, so i'll wait for a bit.

well, that's it for now. i've got the car from tomorrow up till saturday, since my dad is going to phuket to participate in some run or another. gives me a bit more freedom...along with the parking and petrol charges. with that, i'm off to get started on a nice bottle of sake which i bought earlier. after all, what's a birthday without at least one drink?

-random thought of the day: Facing minor sleep debt.-

So, it took me 7 weeks to finally get really angry at a student. previously, i'd joked about killing them, but today was the first time i genuinely felt like slamming someone's head into a wall. it's not because he disrespected me (well, he kind of did, but i'll get to that later), or that he undermined my authority as a TA (i'm not power-hungry). instead, what he did was to proceed with the experiment without waiting for me to explain the details. i'm fine with that too, since he's done the experiment more times than i have, and he's more experienced. what made me angry was that the rest of the students, who have never done this reaction in their lives, followed him and did things blindly until i yelled at them to stop. based on what i saw today, i don't think that the students really learned much...so if their final is an organic synthesis, good luck to them.

the student in question had a valid point. he wanted to add the halide, then come for briefing. while that would have sped up the entire process, the students would not have seen the physical changes in the reaction mixture. and this is their only grignard reaction in normal undergraduate life, so i wanted them to watch everything that happened in the flask. it may have been slower, but it was for the teaching opportunity. well, i figure since there's only one experiment left, that student can do what he wants. can't bring myself to be bothered that much any more.

misfortune also seems to occur in groups of 2 or more. not only was i almost late today, for the first time in my undergraduate life, i hurt myself in lab. what happened was that i applied excessive force to a glass rod while stirring a fairly viscous mixture (one of the kids' reaction mixture). the glass rod broke, and cut me on the middle segment of my right index finger, facing the palm. it looks similar in size to some knife cuts i'd sustained before while cooking, so i don't think it's that big of a deal. should heal up in a week or so, hopefully. right now, the plan is to cover the wound with a plaster before lab work...troublesome as it is.

getting that off my chest feels so much better. now, to face yet another source of unhappiness...japanese tomorrow. i'm still not quite over the mid-term. don't know if the tutor will address the issue, or of she even knows i'm upset. this is bad. i seem to be getting angry more easily these days. think i need something cooling.

-random thought of the day: My wrists hurt.-

It's been 2 consecutive rainy sundays. this week though, i didn't have tuition, so i was able to enjoy it a little more than last week. luckily, i got my errands done early, and came home before it began to pour. those errands involved paying my phone bill, depositing the tuition fees, buying train concession, topping up my ez-link card, and borrowing a few library books. doesn't seem like a great deal of effort, and it isn't. nevertheless, i like the thought of getting many things done.

the one thing i planned for, but didn't get to do today is have breakfast at dome. main reason is because i slept at about 2:00am last night, and only woke up at 10-something am today. add in a few delays caused by my phone bill (see below), and i wouldn't have made it in time anyway. i realize that i have to do it sometime this week, because one of the waiters told army boy that they'd be moving out sometime within this week. so, i've got to think of a new tuition venue as well, but that can easily be arranged. the priority now is to catch them before they move. going by my schedule, the best time would either be tomorrow or thursday. see how things go.

my phone bill this month gave me a shock at first. normally, the amount i have to pay is quite fixed...$43.35, provided i don't exceed my allowed minutes or internet usage. this time, the letter said $86.70, or exactly double my usual amount. a call to the customer service people revealed that i didn't pay last month's bill, and a quick ibanking check confirmed that. just when i was thinking that it's been too long since i paid the phone bill. seems like they only cut your service off if you don't pay for 2 consecutive months. never knew that.

gave tuition to army boy twice this week, once on thursday and again on saturday. now that we're moving into organic, i expected to have an easier time, since it's my specialization. unfortunately, i didn't count on him having proportionally larger problems with organic as well. he's got problems with remembering reaction names, conditions, and seeing synthesis routes. can't be that seeing synthesis routes is a special gift or anything, right? or maybe most of the chem kids are able to do it, that's why it appears normal.

other interesting news from school is that my lab got a new postdoc, as well as another phd student whose professor left the school. with 2 of the current phd students about to graduate, that brings the net headcount change to...zero. to think i was hoping for more space! so much for that thought. so far, the postdoc is kind of nice, not putting on airs or anything like that. i'm kind of mildly jealous that he's only 3 years older than me, and already has his phd. but well, that's how NS messes with singaporean guys.

seems like i still can't submit my phd application yet. there are still a couple of details which i have to iron out with my professor and the admin staff. if all goes well, i should be well ahead of the 15 november deadline. still considering whether to apply to/for NGS or not. after talking to one of my lab seniors, it seems that the only negative difference is 2 extra modules, while the positives include more allowance and complete freedom of module choice. seems worthwhile, right?

yesterday, we went to celebrate my cousin's birthday (and mine too, in advance) at this place called uncle leong's seafood in punggol. the food was pretty good and affordable (~$300 for 10 people). the downsides are the ulu location and the poor service standards. not somewhere i would go often, or by public transport. there was also a prawn-catching place and a pool place nearby. the pool place was interesting, in the sense that it charges students and army people $2 for 4 hours. that's like...3 to 4 times cheaper than the typical pool place. just wonder how much they make a day. granted, the location is rather out of the way, so their overheads should be ridiculously cheap. then again, it was pretty crowded yesterday when we went, so i guess they can get by.

incidentally, my dad kind of mentioned that the flat which he balloted for is located quite near the seafood place. and if memory serves, i saw that the closest stop is actually an LRT station. this kind of confirms my decision to get a car if i'm midway through phd studies if/when we move there. it's just way too far from school for me.

well, that's it for now i guess. don't think i missed out on anything. and even if i did, there's always another post waiting to be written, right?

-random thought of the day: Did I just agree to join a kata competition?-

Exams and tests should allow students to apply concepts they've learnt from class. time should be controlled, but the students should not be pressed too tight for time. i'm writing this because of the japanese mid-term today. there were 6 sections, including listening, reading (passage was 1 page long), and writing a short essay (~400 characters). total time? 1 hour. listening took about 5 minutes (rounded down), so that leaves 55 minutes for 5 sections, or 11 minutes per. just the reading and writing alone took me about half an hour. it was completely unreasonable to set such a tough paper, given the short time limit. 90 minutes would have been more appropriate. as i've said before, i can accept not knowing the answer. i can't accept being so rushed that i don't have time to write down what i know. had i known that the test was going to be like that, i wouldn't even have bothered studying, and focused on research instead. realistically speaking, i'd be happy with about 32/50.

i know i shouldn't be demoralized that easily, given my eventual goal. yet, it's hard to not feel bad after such a catastrophic performance. maybe i'll feel better after some sleep. at any rate, i hope my right wrist stops feeling funny soon. think i overabused my hand when smacking concrete pillars in frustration/anger.

-random thought of the day: Still angry.-

A nice rainy sunday late morning/early afternoon has resulted in me rotting almost the whole day away in bed. not the most productive way to spend my time, but it's not bad either. i'm feeling more rested, and the only possible downside is that i sleep too late later on because of that. but since the weather is still nice and cool, i don't think that'll be a problem.

giving tuition to the army boy this week has given me an interesting thought. we're meeting at the community centre's dome cafe every sunday morning. during these sessions, i often see families there for breakfast. makes me wonder why they do it, seeing as the breakfast stuff (eggs, bacon, tomato, mushrooms, bread/toast) can be prepared at home. my guess is between 2 theories...first, convenience. second, a change in scenery. it's actually a nice place. warm/cosy environment, quite quiet (except for the occasional blender and coffee machine noises), with friendly and attentive staff. i'm actually quite tempted to have breakfast there one sunday (despite not being a breakfast person). just have to get up early enough to have some appetite by 10:30am.

thankfully, my careless mistake for organometallics didn't do much damage. the lecturer was ridiculously fast with the marking, and we got our papers back on friday, 2 days after the test. to my surprise, i got 41/50. as expected, i lost marks for the mis-balanced equations, as well as in some other questions, the answers to which i guessed. must remember to be careful with phrasing and terminology...saying that a metal has "one oxidation state" is different from saying it has "one stable oxidation state".

for lab work, i'm running into a bit of a problem with my synthesis. it's the same reaction, but with a different starting material. the reaction doesn't seem to work! don't know if my literature is inaccurate, or if i'm misinterpreting something, or if the reaction simply cannot be done. i've left it stirring over the weekend, so hopefully i get something tomorrow when i go check on it before TA.

seems that my postgrad application is more or less confirmed. by that, i mean the act of me applying for postgrad studies, not that my application was accepted. so...4 more years in NUS, hopefully with a phd to show for it in 2017. but there are certain things i have to do, like prepare documents and other similar annoying stuff. not to forget that my professor is going overseas for a conference in november, so i have to get everything sorted out in the next 2 weeks.

one major downside to phd studies is that plan japan will have to be delayed for a while. i figure that it's actually not that bad, though, since i need more time to brush up on my japanese. a japanese teacher (as in a teacher from japan, not a teacher of japanese) who came over for an exchange/interaction session recommended that i pass JLPT N1 (the highest level) before thinking about working there. so, that's another goal to work towards. i figure that even if i can't take japanese 5 and 6 in NUS, 4 years will be enough to get me up there.

not sure if i mentioned this before, but watching anime (i only watch subtitled anime, none of that dubbed stuff) and listening to japanese songs is becoming a lot more enjoyable. main reason is because i'm hearing more words and sentence patterns which we've studied in class. makes it interesting, i guess. sometimes, there are bits and pieces that get lost in translation, so it's nice to understand the original meaning. but given my amateur-ish understanding, there should be more layers of meaning which i'm not getting.

with the pending closure of city of heroes, i've re-unlocked my signature character (a stalker, interestingly enough) for the purpose of exploring the world a bit more. there's actually not much i haven't seen (new content aside), as i've been actively playing for about around 3 years. sad thing is that despite the closure being more than a month away, the game is more or less a ghost town now. at least i managed to hit level 50, which brings a sense of closure, i guess. there's not much i can do now in-game as well...just jumping around, revisiting zones that i haven't been to for a long time.

next week, there's one last mid-term (japanese) to tackle. probably should have done a bit of revision over the weekend, but it's a bit too late to regret that now. guess i'll use tomorrow and tuesday to catch up. guess lab work won't be my major focus for the first half of the week or so. just praying that i can somehow figure out what's wrong with this reaction.

before i go, i think i should do a lyrics post. today's song is japanese, quite old, and more popularly known in the west as "sukiyaki", which is really misleading as food is nowhere mentioned in the song. upon first impression (to me at least, back when i totally didn't understand japanese), the tune sounds neutral or even slightly happy...probably due to the whistling. but actually, it's quite a heavy/sad song.

Ue wo Muite Arukou (I Face/Look Upwards As I Walk)

Romaji
Ue wo muite arukou
Namida ga koborenai you ni
Omoidasu haru no hi
Hitoribocchi no yoru

Ue wo muite arukou
Nijinda hoshi wo kazoete
Omoidasu natsu no hi
Hitoribocchi no yoru

Shiawase wa kumo no ue ni
Shiawase wa sora no ue ni

Ue wo muite arukou
Namida ga koborenai you ni
Nakinagara aruku
Hitoribocchi no yoru

*whistling*

Omoidasu aki no hi
Hitoribocchi no yoru

Kanashimi wa hoshi no kage ni
Kanashimi wa tsuki no kage ni

Ue wo muite arukou
Namida ga koborenai you ni
Nakinagara aruku
Hitoribocchi no yoru
Hitoribocchi no yoru

*note: "wo" is pronounced "o", like the english letter*

Kanji
上を向いて歩こう
涙がこぼれないように
思い出す春の日
一人ぼっちの夜

上を向いて歩こう
にじんだ星を数えて
思い出す夏の日
一人ぼっちの夜

幸せは雲の上に
幸せは空の上に

上を向いて歩こう
涙がこぼれないように
泣きながら歩く
一人ぼっちの夜

*whistling*

思い出す秋の日　
一人ぼっちの夜

悲しみは星の影に
悲しみは月の影に

上を向いて歩こう
涙がこぼれないように
泣きながら歩く
一人ぽっちの夜
一人ぽっちの夜

Translated
I face upwards as I walk
So that my tears don't fall
I remember a Spring day
For tonight I am all alone

I face upwards as I walk
Counting the blurry stars
I remember a Summer day
For tonight I am all alone

Happiness is above the clouds
Happiness is above the sky

I face upwards as I walk
So that my tears don't fall
I cry as I walk
For tonight I am all alone

*Whistling*

I remember an Autumn day
For tonight I am all alone

Sadness is in the shadow of the stars
Sadness is in the shadow of the moon

I face upwards as I walk
So that my tears don't fall
I cry as I walk
For tonight I am all alone
For tonight I am all alone

-random thought of the day: Nothing comes to mind, actually.-

Not blogging for a week is starting to have some negative effects. beginning to think too much, worry unnecessarily, and do some other unhealthy stuff. tried to blog this past saturday as well, but i just couldn't organize my thoughts regarding what i wanted to blog about. it's not that important, anyway. i'll sit on it for a bit, i guess.

checking back, my last post was...last tuesday! wow, it's been THAT long. nothing much happened during recess week, mostly just lab work with a couple of study days. don't think anything significant really happened...nothing much that i remember, anyway. tuition is a lot more relaxed since i dropped those 2 kids. they didn't contact me, so that's it. frees up my saturday a little. i've also seen the army kid i mentioned a while ago. while he says that his memory is bad, and that he's a little slow in catching concepts, i find him to be not difficult to teach. or maybe we just haven't reached the difficult topics yet. anyway, i think he'll be ok.

this past sunday, i also went for my last external japanese lesson. there's supposed to be a revision this coming sunday, but i think it's kind of pointless. yes, i know i paid for the revision lesson as well, and i should go to make my money worth it. despite that, i can't really bring myself to be bothered about it. felt kind of bad when the teacher asked why i wasn't continuing. but truth is, university workload is increasing, so something else has to make way for now. i was kind of mildly annoyed at one of the remarks the teacher wrote on my homework, and that was to write my kanji more neatly. having studied chinese and written chinese characters for most of my life, i've kind of developed my own "font". same with english letters. so, it just feels weird to be asked to modify my writing style, especially when the problems are minor (like rounded corners, for instance). but i understand he's trying to do his job well.

lab work so far this week has been kind of sporadic, due to various quizzes and mid-terms. despite that, i still managed to do a few NMRs, and i can now confirm that the reaction worked. does my heart good to see that. still have to do a bit more optimization, while concurrently making other substrates, which means more long syntheses...or rather, long columns. well, it should be ok, considering my next mid-term is a week away.

mid-terms...i feel really annoyed with myself for organometallics, which i took earlier today. there was one question where we had to complete a complicated reaction scheme, balancing the compounds throughout. for some weird reason, i forgot that since the the amount of magnesium doubled, there would be a corresponding increase in the amount of magnesium bromide produced, thus getting rid of my 2 excess bromine atoms, giving me dimethyl zinc. i know it doesn't make much sense writing it like this, but in layman terms, i mis-balanced a chemical equation. for shame! it's the kind of mistake i would barely tolerate from my sec 3 kid, so i think you can see how mad i am with myself. but to put it in perspective, i'll lose at most 3 marks from this mistake. 3 marks out of 50 total for a 20% test is...1.2 marks out of my overall grade. while i hate to lose marks like that, i have another test and the final to redeem myself.

one of my friends has a seriously low level of social awareness. it's like, he opens his mouth without thinking. consequently, he's said some retarded things (for lack of a more appropriate description) in front of the very people whom those things concern. it's not that i can't handle him being blunt. i have blunt friends with whom i get along pretty well. it's just that this guy's content/social filters are either totally absent, or are being severely underutilized. though i know he's actually a nice guy with good intentions, i still can't help but feel a stab of irritation after even short interactions.

postgrad matters are taking a backseat in my head, but i thought i should do some analysis now, since i'm having some rare free time.

pros:
familiar environment
(eventual) seniority in the lab, and NUS
high chance of acceptance
direct phd after 4 years
FINALLY getting a transponder (minor)

cons:
4 more years of study
possibly being overqualified after graduation
4 MORE YEARS!
research may not always go smoothly
having to study (though it's only 6 modules + maybe 2 japanese)
maybe somewhere better will accept me

admittedly, it's not very objective or well done (a sign that i'm tired), but i figure this is a good starting point for future reference. and here's something i discovered. graduate students can read elective modules on an S/U basis, subject to approval from the host faculty. that means that my argument for taking japanese is stronger, provided they allow me to S/U. the disadvantage is, S/U declaration must be done at the point of module registration, so if i decide to S/U and eventually get an A, that won't help my CAP at all. decisions decisions.

got a huge shock when i checked my email a couple of days ago. city of heroes is closing down. checking the website verified that. it's odd because the announcement was so abrupt. according to stuff posted on the forums, it seems that the staff were given only a day's notice to pack up and leave. many of us are still asking why, but i doubt we'll get an answer. sucks, because if there ever was an MMO i'd invest in, it was this one. still, it's had a great run of about 8 years, and i have many (mostly) good memories of the game. the servers will remain up until sometime in november, so i was thinking of logging in for a few last looks around. maybe on my freed-up sundays.

can't think of anything else that i haven't mentioned...except that i've been having weird dreams. but that's normal-ish for me. event forecast: i'll be pulling a lot of overtime in the lab, for reaction monitoring and that long column, among other things. if i can make it past next wednesday, things will turn out ok.

-random thought of the day: Why am I becoming more careless!??-

Looks can be deceiving. that's an important lesson for anyone/everyone to learn, and i seem to have forgotten that somewhat. though saying it is easy, it's sometimes hard to follow, especially when your instinct has prematurely made certain decisions or judgements based on previous interactions. but well, in the face of solid evidence, i have to accept that my instinct and logical deductions were wrong after all. it's still quite a mind-blowing revelation, and i'm sorry that i can't say anything more here. you see, it's sensitive information about someone i know in real life, and spreading such things is just not nice.

to celebrate the start of recess week, we had a chem kids drinking session at my friend's place at the bedok area, which was also the venue for our barbeque during summer. this time, however, we all got wasted pretty quickly, partially due to the lack of substantial food, and mostly because we were drinking too quickly. thankfully, there were a few friends who sobered up more quickly, and they took care of those who were drunk beyond belief (like me). good thing that i didn't vomit, because i look forward to vomiting about as much as spraining something. ended up reaching home at about 4:00am, which is later than i've ever reached home before, not counting the army clubbing experience. got in about 7 hours' sleep and woke up around 11:30am this morning, then decided not to go to school. figured a day off wouldn't hurt, especially since all i had to do was a column and decide what to NMR.

i saw a notice lying on the table at home. a couple of months ago, we received a similar notice about the government wanting to build a nursing/retirement home on the football field-sized piece of land right in front of my block. the residents protested, and the government said that it would do a study to better determine the feasibility of such a project. well, the study's done, and it seems that the plan is still going to go ahead. i briefly read through their study, and i have a few issues with their work. first, the need for such a home was never proven. all it said was that the home had to be built to better meet the needs of my district's ageing population, but there's no facts and figures to back that statement up. also, their proposal on alternate sites was pretty ridiculous. for instance, they considered the ITE, beside the ongoing condo development, and bishan park, amongst a few other sites. in my personal opinion, those choices were there just to fill up space. building on the ITE isn't going to work, since it's a school. similarly, building in bishan park could have effectively been left out, considering that the park has just been given a facelift. and building next to the condo would have invited a whole lot of other problems from the condo developers. so why even put them there? the other thing is that the plot of land is quite small...like 100 square metres at most. and the proposed height is 6 storeys. is it really going to be of any use?

a secondary concern is about traffic. even though the government says that additional entrances and exits to and from the main roads will be made. my prediction is that that's going to cause some traffic flow problems. all of a sudden, the prospect of moving doesn't seem as unattractive as before. if i decide to do further studies in NUS, maybe on-campus accommodation might work as well.

yesterday, i went to enquire about postgraduate studies in NUS. after getting the required information, i registered for an account in the application system, and had a massive wave of doubt. it's what i imagine pre-wedding nerves to feel like. so, i'm sitting on it a bit more. the deadline is in november, so there's still time. but i figure i'll apply by october. speaking to a few postgraduate friends has given me some useful information as well. from what they told me, postgrad studies are 4 years long as well, and i only have to clear 6 modules in those 4 years. that means that a lot of time will be spent on research. maybe if i negotiate with my professor, he'll let me take japanese 5 and 6 too, especially if they can pull my CAP up. that aside, i also have to consider funding. there are various schemes available, and i also have to consider which one to apply for.

before all that, though, i think i need more sleep. have to try and be productive tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Must avoid heavy drinking for the next year or so.-

Good thing i blogged on thursday, if i hadn't vented a bit, the things that happened both yesterday and today would have upset me to the point of yelling at my tuition kids. granted that some of them deserve it, but i'll get to that later.

2 bad things have happened within as many days, both related to school. the first one has me quite upset, actually. i mentioned that i had a med chem mid-term yesterday in the last post. prior to the test, the lecturer announced that we didn't have to remember the names and structures of the 20 essential amino acids for the test. and wouldn't you know it, he tested us on those amino acids. i'm not upset that he tested us on the amino acids. after all, it's part of the syllabus and therefore we're kind of expected to know the content. the thing that gets me is that he tested us on amino acids DESPITE announcing that we didn't have to study them. worse is that he had the nerve to say that the naming was only worth 5 marks. if we can't even trust lecturers to keep their word, NUS doesn't deserve its high ranking. thankfully, i did study those amino acids before his announcement, so it wasn't a complete loss. still not going to get all the marks though, since i mixed leucine and isoleucine up. that might still kill me, considering how steep the curve is for biochem-related modules. and i'm disadvantaged here, because most other students have taken one module with similar content (and some have even taken 2).

second thing is that i got my first parking summons in NUS. i have to admit that this one is my fault, because i parked illegally in the middle of a roundabout. the roundabout is only painted on the road surface, so it's not like i drove up a kerb or anything. but anyway, i've done it a couple of times before, and i guess i was just unlucky today. but once again, the act itself is not what upset me. i have no complaint about getting caught for something i did wrong. however, the reason on the ticket which they left on the windshield was "parking in such a way as to obstruct traffic", and i can't accept that. i parked in the middle of a roundabout. if traffic is supposed to go AROUND the middle (as "roundabout" implies), how does that obstruct traffic? unless they're trying to tell me that it's ok to drive through the centre of the roundabout.

but i can even accept that stupid citation. the foremost reason i'm planning on making some noise is because they'll be reporting it to the LTA, which means unnecessary trouble for my dad due to the car being under his name. after some research, i figure that the worst they can do to me is a $120 fine, and 3 demerit points (unlikely, but possible). even the fine is not the issue. as far as possible, i'd like to maintain a clean driving record, and i try to avoid even the chance of getting demerit points. would have settled it today, but the guy on duty said that the traffic management department was closed. why couldn't the person who gave me the ticket be off-duty as well!!?? so, i'll give them a call on monday, be nice and apologetic while explaining the situation, and try to get them to either waive the penalty, or keep it within the school at least. hopefully i can catch them in time before the case goes up to LTA.

tuition-wise, i've made a pretty liberating decision. i'm going to drop the 2 guys. today, the sec 4 kid arranged for tuition without preparing anything. and he kind of lied to me, by telling me that the J1 kid would be having his chem exam in the coming week. so, the plan is to see the J1 kid once more before his exam, and never see them again after that. the money will be reduced, but i'll be happier. think it's a fair trade. despite TKGS girl being less academically-gifted than them, i actually feel that it's more worthwhile teaching her. of course, she's contributing to my stress as well. i simply can't understand how a student can forget mole concept in 2 weeks.

it's not all been bad, though. was suddenly asked to join a few of the chem kids for drinks at this place called nabin's in the bugis area. it's kind of middle-eastern/arabian inspired, and it was funny/ironic to see that they served alcohol, since it kind of clashed with the overall theme. i liked the furniture, though. there were cushions and low tables for the people sitting on the floor. thankfully, we got a raised sofa/bed hybrid thing. imagine a queen-sized (or thereabouts) bed coming up to slightly below waist level. then, place raised, cushioned back rests at 2 opposite ends. put a low table across the middle, and you'll end up with something pretty close. it was actually really comfortable, and was more intimate than sitting at a regular table-and-chairs set-up. seems like a worthwhile furniture layout to consider when i get my own place.

we had drinks over the span of...3 hours? considering i had to wake up early for today's group meeting, i only had 2 beers. our conversation also ranged across many topics, and i found out a few interesting things about some (unspecified) people in our group of friends. just to clarify, this isn't gossip. gossip is spreading true and/or false stuff indiscriminately. for us, what we share in our group stays in confidence, which is something i value quite a lot. even then, not everything is shared, though. guess it depends on how much an individual trusts each of us.

next week is recess week, which means i'll be taking a couple of days off for various non-school purposes, including another chem kids drinking night on monday, and probably the day after to recover from that. have to address some crazy cooking urges too. but before all that can happen, i've japanese class tomorrow (guess whose homework isn't done?) and i'm meeting one of the SJI juniors' friends for chem tuition. he's in army and studying on his own to retake A-levels, so i think i shouldn't have much problem with him. we'll see.

-random thought of the day: Updated to iOS 6!-

Considering that i haven't blogged for a week and 2 days, i'd say that i'm holding up pretty well. starting to feel my fuse shortening though, hence i'm blogging now. actually, part of the reason that i haven't been blogging is also that i get home late, feeling horribly tired. since i had to study for med chem tomorrow, i didn't do any lab work, and that's why i'm not dead-tired for once.

in the past week and a bit, i've done a bit of lab work, which has yielded some promising results. just need to finish optimizing the temperature and time and we're ready to move on to other substrates. hopefully i can get enough examples to publish something (together with my mentor, of course), by the end of honours year.

recently, japanese has been stressing me out a fair bit. not having regular dictation during vocabulary quizzes is kind of causing my response to become inaccurate. it's all the annoying little things, like leaving out the 2 small dots for some characters, missing a particle, or getting the general meaning, but not catching the exact sentence. i just wonder if i'll be able to get an A grade this semester as well. goodness knows i need a CAP boost.

despite taking japanese 3, i find it weird (and quite irritating) that some of my classmates can't get the pronunciation right. in particular, there's this girl who pronounces the "ra"-line as though it was english. that's quite horrible, especially since taking japanese 3 implies that you've studied japanese for around a year (assuming you started with japanese 1 in NUS). in case you aren't aware, the japanese "r" sounds more like the english "l" than anything else. it's not identical, but about 80% similar. don't know why, but i cringe inwardly when i hear her saying any of the japanese "r" characters.

you know how sometimes, you meet people that you just don't like? an email which i got says that maybe the reason that you don't like them is because they remind you of negative attributes which you yourself possess. of all the people i've had the misfortune not to like so far, i have found that to be true for only one person. the reason i didn't really like him (despite him being a reasonably nice guy) is because he looks kind of (80%) like me. i suppose now might be a good time to admit that i don't particularly enjoy looking at myself, hence my extreme reluctance to be photographed. as for the people i have issues with now (one student from the lab group which i TA, and a couple of people from japanese), i don't really see any reflection of myself in them. i don't know...maybe it's something underlying.

speaking of people i have issues with, there's this guy in chem who did something which i feel was rather shameless. the reason he did it was to secure his honours place in a popular professor's lab. while i find his behaviour kind of spineless, a part of me also acknowledges that he must have been desperate enough to entertain the possibility of such an act, and following through with it. though if i ever become a professor, and end up popular enough to have students fighting for a place in my lab, i'd just call campus security if someone tried that on me.

it's almost the end of week 6, which means that recess week is coming soon. while i'll take a couple of days off, i'll be in school either studying for mid-terms or finishing up the reaction optimization. as for mid-terms, they're quite nicely spaced this time. med chem is tomorrow, organometallics is after recess week, and japanese is the week after that. logically speaking, i have enough time to study, so i shouldn't do THAT badly, right? i don't know. hoping for the best, though.

-random thought of the day: Library books are overdue again.-

Remind me to sit down more often when i TA for year 1 labs. remaining standing for over 5 consecutive hours can't be healthy. you know the joints where your fingers join to your hands? the analogous joints of my left foot have been hurting since monday night. then again, it's hard not to constantly patrol along the rows, because i don't trust most of them not to mess up in some way or another. now that the kids have 3 weeks of lab experience, i'm trying to relax a bit. and you can see how well that's working out.

school is...ok. now that honours research is going more smoothly, it's less stressful than before. my stress levels haven't reduced, though, because japanese just got a whole lot more difficult. with the introduction of intransitive verbs and a few new forms, the grammar now becomes way more complicated. actually, the forms are more of a killer. just think about it. i know about...150? 200? verbs. whenever we learn a new form, each verb has to be converted. the conversion rules are easy, though. the bugger is remembering the verb groups. remembering the wrong group for a particular verb means applying the wrong conversion rule, which means screwing up. but at the end of the day, i think the interest in the language will carry me through. there's a bit of irony, though. through learning japanese, i've learnt how to properly use linguistic terms (verbs, nouns, adjectives, adverbs), and that's something i never learnt while studying english!

today's japanese quiz was rather upsetting. i knew the answer, but wrote the wrong character down. the closest analogy would be like a spelling mistake in english. kind of annoying, since i even converted the form correctly. so i guess you can imagine my surprise when i saw the tutor give it 9/10. oddly, i'm having some difficulty getting over it. despite knowing that ultimately, it won't count for much, it's kind of hard to forgive such an idiotic mistake. on the bright(?) side, there are 10 more vocabulary quizzes to make up for this.

crazy cooking urges have been surfacing again. so much so that i bought taucheo (mildly fermented soybean sauce/paste) and century eggs. i haven't had those 2 things for at least a couple of years (conservative estimate). now, all i have to do is buy some fish during one of my free-r days (probably thursday or friday), and i'll be good to go. i must be crazy; just the idea of cooking with those ingredients is getting me excited.

don't think i've blogged about tuition yet. TKGS girl amazes me. i don't see her for one session, and it's like all the good i've done so far has been erased. she's gone back to being blur about mole calculations and writing compounds. i could scream! and her exams are in 3 weeks. well...i'm hoping for the best.

i know there was something else i wanted to blog about, and it involves the letter "g". just that it's slipped my mind right now. knowing my luck, odds are i'll remember it as soon as i shut the computer down. well, there's always next time.

-random thought of the day: 3 consecutive days of Japanese tutorials is a bad idea.-

My reaction worked! *finally*. the NMR looks good, except for a bit of residual solvent. probably didn't vacuum-dry it for long enough. nevertheless, it's light years away from my previous attempts. i'm quite inclined to believe that the success is due to the reagents' purity. too bad the yield kind of sucks, though. i have no idea how the literature people got a 90% yield, since my obtained yield was about...20%? reminder to self: control the reaction time, too. keep it within 1 hour.

after this success, there are 2 things which i want to do. (1) carry on with the next step, and (2) try to produce starting material on a larger scale. while setting up the reaction for the next step, i realized that i really had too little reagent. my current scales of 0.5 and 1mmol are not giving me enough. so tempted to try a 5mmol run tomorrow, though i'm not sure if i'll have enough time to set it up and get the column done all within a day, with classes in-between. then again, med chem is cancelled tomorrow, so i might have a fighting chance if i get to school early enough.

i was just thinking that science is quite black-and-white. say if i didn't get my desired product, the NMR spectrum wouldn't make sense no matter how i tried to assign the protons. but once the right product came out, the assignment was easy. kind of like maths, too. most of the time, you (or I) remain lost until someone shows me the model answer. once the rationale behind the steps is explained, they all make sense.

about the situation in NUS, it's got horribly crowded. i don't remember peak hours ever being this bad from years 1 to 3. the crowds are horrible! and for some reason, the arts-bound bus gets crowded around 6:00pm. maybe more people balloted for late tutorials. but the point is, it's ridiculous! i did my fair share of waiting and squeezing for 2.5 years already (back when the circle line wasn't completed yet). to think that year 4s have to squeeze alongside the kids. maybe they should have a "seniors-only" bus. or better yet, have year- or faculty-specific buses. i know it's not going to happen, but one can hope, right?

actually, i wouldn't mind squeezing with people, provided that they're considerate and socially responsible. yet, i've met my fair share of idiots while waiting for buses. currently, the 2 things that annoy me the most are people swarming to the bus doors in hopes of getting in fast, and people trying to board the bus without waiting for others to alight first. the former annoys me because most people get on the bus, and DON'T MOVE IN. it's basically selfishness. getting onto the bus is all that matters to them. come to think of it, it happens on the MRT as well, so it's probably not an NUS-specific problem.

the second thing is my #1 annoyance right now. i know that the people who try to get onto shuttle buses immediately after the doors open are all year 1 students. how do i know this? because anyone who has been in NUS for at least a semester will know that both doors on the shuttle bus are used for entry and exit. so, spotting the newbies is easy when they try to push their way up a bus. though nobody has tried to push up as i'm alighting, i can guarantee that the first person to do so will get yelled at. it makes no sense why people would try to get on a crowded bus, instead of waiting for the bus to become emptier first. either they don't bother to look, or are above all, simply concerned with being the first on.

due to increased crowds in NUS, i've also become aware of people's general lack of spatial awareness. like, people don't seem to notice their surroundings. 2 people can walk slowly, occupying an entire corridor, oblivious to the fact that i'm walking fast and trying to overtake them. same thing for the escalators. i will never understand why people rush for the escalator, then just block the way by not keeping left. seems to happen more with elderly people. even though senior citizens are supposed to be accorded with respect, i can't respect someone who doesn't feel bad about holding up everyone else behind him/her.

tomorrow can go either way. thinking whether i should try to rush my reaction, or save it for monday. my conscience tells me to do the reaction tomorrow, so that if it messes up, i still have monday to save the situation. and even if tomorrow's reaction succeeds, i can use monday to produce even more starting material. since my mentor is going to join in to do the same reaction as i'm doing now, we'll need more reagent.

-random thought of the day: HAving crazy cooking urges again.-

Things seem to be looking up this week. though i don't know for sure yet, it seems that my reaction is working well. at least i didn't see any unwanted spots after running the column. either the nitrogen protection or the reduction in scale (maybe both?) must have done some good. perhaps the higher purity of my starting material helped too. at the risk of being too optimistic, i'm kind of looking forward to seeing the NMR results tomorrow. if it looks good, then it's on to the main reaction.

for some strange reason, i've been getting gastric pains after skipping meals. the reason i say it's strange is because it only started recently despite my previous experience skipping meals during UROPS. looks like my body needs more maintenance as i get older. must start planning more regular mealtimes, or in the worst case, have some light food standing by in the student room.

so far this week, there's been TA, as well as the usual honours research work. the year 1 kids seem to be getting better at lab, which is good. my friend (and fellow TA) shared a story with me, about some people in his group. the experiment had to be repeated over a range of temperatures, 2 of which were 12 and 20 degrees. to achieve those temperatures in typical singapore weather, they had to use an ice bath. to get the temperature up from 12 to 20 degrees, some of his students went to heat the ice bath to melt the ice. while it's not wrong, a much faster way is to just add water to the ice. basic common sense, right? i was having a nice laugh over it until i saw some students in my group doing the same thing. then again, we're all prone to senseless acts now and then, and even more so since they're year 1. still, i have reasonably high hopes for them.

my time management seems to have improved this week. i don't find myself rushing experiments in between classes, and things are generally more manageable. have to set aside some time for study, though. and speaking of studies, the core module lecturers decided to remind us about their mid-terms. the med chem one is 2 weeks away, while organometallics is after recess week. japanese should either be in the same week as organometallics, or the week after. at least they're all reasonably spread out. should make better use of the time which i spend out of lab, or between reactions.

last significant thing which happened recently. just met a couple of judo juniors for ice cream at J8. well, they had ice cream, anyway. talking to them was interesting too, and i found out a few more things which are not really public knowledge. unfortunately, i was unable to tell them anything about myself, despite their persistence. even though i want to, it's just not easy. what's worse, they kind of know the other person involved. so...yes. it sucks. i'm still looking for that one perfect person to confide in, i guess.

i also wanted to blog about how the new year 1s are inconsiderate morons in general, but i'll save that for the next post. right now, i'm feeling sleepy. good thing i don't have class tomorrow, except for 1 hour (6:00pm to 7:00pm). though i'll probably be in school a little earlier than that to check on my NMRs and see if i can continue with step 2 of the reaction.

-random thought of the day: Long days suck.-