Because it's late, and i need more sleep, i'll try to blog a maximum of 10 sentences per point i want to make today.

attended the primary school graduation ceremony today. the kids wore their secondary school uniforms, which i thought was a little weird. 3 kids are not going to the affiliated secondary school, but are going to secondary schools in the city. that will probably entail moving house. it was surprising, because we don't really think about moving for the sake of getting into a better school. ok, some parents do that for primary schools because of distance-based priority. but beyond primary school, no. i'll miss the kids who are going away, but i should remind myself to focus more on the kids who i'll still be seeing.

gave the cute teacher my phone number today, and told him that it can be used to add me on line. i figure that there's no use pushing too hard/much, because that tends to create feelings of aversion instead. like the saying says, "love is like a fart. if you have to push it, it's probably shit". pardon the language, but i feel the message is best conveyed in this crude form. so, he has information at his disposal, and it's up to him what to do with it. just once, i'd like to be the one being chased, instead of the one doing the chasing. but that's just an idle thought. even if we don't become an item, at least we can be friends. or at least i have eye candy while i'm at the school. but now the ball's in his court, so we'll see if there are any more updates in this regard.

the school term has all but ended, and i'm making my last school visit of this term to school C tomorrow morning just to say goodbye to the teachers who are leaving. there's also the 休校式 (literally "rest school ceremony", but more accurately known as "school-closing ceremony") for school B tomorrow afternoon. it'll be nice to see the teachers and graduated students again. reminder to self: bring a tie in suitably muted colours. with the ending of the school term, i'm mainly looking forward to a short getaway with some of the other singapore JETs, and being able to dress casually for work. small pleasures in life, i guess.

-random thought of the day: Suddenly got cold again.-

Saw the full teacher 異動 list today, and i was extremely amused. most of the changes are ok with me, and i'd actually venture to say that most of the changes are to my benefit! let me run through them. unless stated otherwise, "school" means secondary school by default. just to recap, there are 3 secondary schools, A, B, and C, and each of them has an affiliated primary school. i visit all secondary schools, and primary school C only.

- school B is closing.

- the head teacher of school B is moving to school C.

- the head teacher of school C will become a principal somewhere else.

- the head teacher of school A is retiring, his replacement is from out of town.

- the principal of school B is moving to primary school C.

- the principal of primary school C is moving to primary school A, whose principal is retiring.

- the cute teacher is staying put in school A. so happy!

- a teacher in school A is moving to primary school C.

- the english teacher in school B is moving to school C.

- 2 of the 3 english teachers in school C are transferring out.

- there will probably be another english teacher coming to school C from out of town.

- the english teacher who i like the least in school C is staying.

- the english teachers in school A and primary school C are staying.

overall, i'm happy. in particular, i have a decent relationship with the principal and head teacher of school B, which should carry on to their new postings. this is why it's important to maintain good professional relations and not burn bridges too quickly...says the guy who would watch his former mentor at the IP firm get eaten alive by a shark, and munch popcorn while enjoying the show. the difference here is that the people in japan have generally treated me well, so the idea is for me to reciprocate in kind. i'm just sad that the head teacher in school A is retiring, because he's a very kind, fatherly figure. i wish i could have worked with him for another year at least. same with the principal of primary school C. i was surprised to see that she was due to retire, but was contracted for another year. i mean...she looks 45 years old, 50 tops? but that might be an illusion brought about by good makeup and her cheerful attitude.

good news about the credit card! i managed to solve the issue without calling in to the company. the problem was that a required field (workplace address) wasn't filled in. with that settled, i'm now able to use my card for online purchases. the first purchase i made was for bus tickets to kyoto, to meet up with some of the JET people. that's happening next week, during spring holiday for the schools.

it's getting late, and this was meant to be a short post anyway. just finishing up some crafting in final fantasy before going to sleep. i'll blog about the tourism event next time.

-random thought of the day: I'm due for a car inspection soon, right?-

For you to understand the rationale behind several of my recent decisions and feelings, i'll have to explain a japanese tradition. it's called 異動, which loosely translates to "transfer". the kanji 異 (or 异 in simplified chinese) itself means "different", as you may know if you watch 異世界 (isekai, parallel universe) animes. i knew about it through the term 異性, which means "heterosexual" both in chinese and japanese. the singapore JETs have taken to calling it musical chairs, which is a pretty apt nickname, i think.

so 異動 apparently had roots in the samurai era, where it was a way for the shogun to retain power and rule over japan. among other things, like effectively holding their families hostage, the shogun would make powerful warlords relocate every so often to prevent them from amassing enough power/influence to become capable of overthrowing him. the modern origin story which i've heard is that employment used to be for life. so, employees of a company were expected to become familiar with all aspects of operations. hence, they were transferred to different departments every few years for all-rounded training. i don't know which of these stories is true (there are probably elements of truth in both of them), but what it means is that come mid- to late-march every year, there'll be a general sense of worry because that's when 異動 results are released. and there's not much time to react at all! it's especially bad for teachers, because they may have to process the shock of getting transferred, settle into a new school, and begin teaching new students in less than 2 weeks. in the worst case scenario, they may get posted to a school at the other side of the prefecture, which may mean finding suitable accommodation closer to the new school and moving into it within those 2 weeks as well.

my most major 異動-influenced decision is that i chose not to tell my supervisor or the cute teacher anything yet. because if he's transferred, there honestly isn't much point in opening a potential can of worms. not that there's going to be much more point doing that if he stays, but i'll worry about that later. either way, the idea is to get his contact and maybe hopefully get to know him better from there. what the singapore JETs said is true also - we may end up not having very much in common.

one thing about 異動 is that i guess it teaches you to treasure the time you have together, because it may not last very long at all. i mean, that's a lesson that we should all be constantly aware of, but it helps to have a reminder. that's actually very ingrained in the japanese psyche, come to think of it. a common visual metaphor is the fleeting sakura season, where flowers bloom for a short time then die and fall off the trees. another case in point today - some people from the prefectural office came by to check in on me, find out if i was settling in ok, if i had any difficulties at work, all that stuff. one of them is headed to a new posting in singapore, which was surprising to me, because i had no idea kochi prefecture had a branch office there!

during our conversation, my supervisor told me that a new supervisor would be coming in. it was shocking to say the least, especially since i'd noticed that her name wasn't on the musical chairs list. i think 2 people are transferring out of the board of education, and we're getting 2 or 3 more people, i can't remember. 1 is a transfer from another department, and the remaining 1 or 2 are new hires. side note, the cute colleague is staying put, so that's a plus for me. anyway, this is classic expect the unexpected and/or assumption is the mother of all mess*-ups. it's not important any more at this point in time, but i wonder if she requested the change. i wouldn't blame her though, since she's been doing this for a super long time. i'm reassured that she'll be here for at least another year to show the incoming supervisor the ropes. coincidentally, the incoming supervisor has the same name as the outgoing one. maybe that might help to ease the transition somewhat too.

this week was the last week of school for the term. well...there are a couple of schooldays next week, but i think formal classes are basically over already. i've had my last english classes of the term in 3 out of my 4 schools. in particular, i want to talk about school B. so thursday was my last day teaching at the school. it was oddly symmetric in that the principal invited me to join their PE class that day, as he did on the first day i went over! instead of volleyball though, we played badminton. somehow, i still retained some muscle memory from playing with my cousin all those years ago when we were in secondary school. i'm not good at it by any stretch of the imagination, but at least i'm not hopeless at it like i am with soccer or other ball sports. it's resulted in my quads and right forearm feeling sore, but it was worth it.

the kids were so nice! in fact, i notice that all the kids are so innocent here. like, secondary school kids still genuinely enjoy playing catching and scissors, paper, stone. it makes me want to delay their inevitable exposure to the cruel world a little longer. like, in singapore, when tuition kids as young as sec 1 complain about something or another, i wouldn't hesitate at all to say something to the effect of "life is unfair, get over it". here though, the thought has literally never crossed my mind! my currently preferred approach is to be encouraging. perhaps that's another way japan is changing me for the better.

got my credit card in the mail recently! i've activated it on the internet, but am still facing some difficulty using it for online transactions. probably missed something out, but my japanese is nowhere near good enough to quickly identify what it might be without killing tons of brain cells. will probably call in or do the online chat thing when they're open.

-random thought of the day: Book bus tickets!-

Kindness begets kindness, trust begets trust. it's not always true, but it would be in an ideal world. so in the interest of being transparent/open with the guild leadership, i came out to them last night during our management committee meeting. again, i cannot stress enough the importance of doing one's homework, scoping out the environment, and following both one's heart and head before doing something like this. in this particular scenario, there's a section in the guild rules specifically talking about having no tolerance for any form of discrimination, with sexual orientation and gender identity explicitly mentioned, so i knew that it was safe. plus, i know the leadership, have worked with them for over a year, and consider them to be real-life friends as well. as expected, most (all, really) of the reactions were supportive; one person was just surprised that i would announce it to them so openly. but like i told them, i'm 33 (that was an error, i am actually 32, but will be 33 later this year). no point hiding it too much. having said that, i'm still not fully out yet, so that's something to work towards.

i was surprised that some of them had already guessed that i might not be straight. i knew that the guild leader should have an idea, because he's my facebook friend, and my profile picture has the rainbow filter applied on it. a few other people suspected, i guess because of their intuition and/or because of some offhanded comments i made about one particular character in the game (hey, he's hot!). linking back to the beginning of this post, someone felt confident enough to share a highly personal thing with me after the meeting, so i felt quite touched and honoured to be accorded that level of trust. and it wouldn't have happened without me having placed trust in others first, so a pat on the back for myself!

it just occurred to me that i tend to come out to people when i'm feeling down/sad or when i'm drunk. might be that the emotions/alcohol give me courage or make me care less about the consequences. another possible explanation would be that i'm looking for comfort/advice, and it's just easier when the people to whom i want to turn have the full picture for context and everything. while this makes it sound like i do it recklessly, i will emphasize that i make coming out decisions only while fully sober and objective, and i'd highly encourage any/everyone to do so as well.

after a good night's sleep, i'm feeling a little better about the teacher situation. don't get me wrong, it still hurts, but less so. i'm due to talk to the singapore JETs about this later tonight. the plan is to get a second opinion from them whether to tell him or not, and then a third opinion from my supervisor during work tomorrow. i won't lie, my personal inclination is still to tell him. but being an involved party, i'm hardly objective here. hopefully common sense will prevail.

graduation ceremonies are very different in japan, compared to what i'm used to in singapore. here, they're kind of solemn and sad affairs, whereas the ones that i've experienced as a student tend to be happier occasions. there was plenty of crying, which i thought was a little over the top. actually, i'm convinced that it was due to the music. they had sad music playing softly in the background while speeches were being given, and as has been proven, audio affects our mood a lot. the example i have is an experiment in which groups people watched footage of a shark swimming, either with no audio track, or with menacing music (think jaws soundtrack). the people who watched the video with audio reported feeling anxious or scared, while those who watched the video only didn't.

the one thing that i didn't like was that the other foreign english teacher was not thanked in the speech given by one of the graduating students. consider this: this english teacher has taught this class since they were in kindergarten. assuming an hour a week for 10 years, that's still almost 2 years' worth of daily english class. and considering that they thanked every single other teacher present (except me as well), including those who'd only taught them for a year, i don't think it's fair. for the record, i'm perfectly fine with not being thanked myself, because i really didn't do much for them. of course, i could look at this along the lines of race or nationality, but it's equally probably that it was due to some other reason, like a time constraint, or just sheer forgetfulness. whatever it is, it's over.

my weight loss has been slowing down in recent weeks; although i've lost about 10kg in total since my last weighing in singapore. surprisingly, my suit jacket fit better yesterday than just 3 weeks ago, when i wore it for the english meeting. hopefully that means there's some internal change going on, like losing fat and gaining muscle but not seeing a net change in weight. also, with the weather slowly getting warmer, it might be time to start looking into exercise. we'll see.

-random thought of the day: Keep it up!-

Disappointment sucks. no matter how prepared you may be for a bad outcome, it still doesn't feel good to not get what you want. sidetrack - writing that reminded me of a quote that went something like, "then again, how many people know what they actually want?" i don't remember who said it, either. probably someone who's a mentor figure to the protagonist in a story. my memory says dumbledore, but google didn't turn anything similar up, so i don't know. don't search too hard for it; i may have mis-remembered it too.

anyway, as the paragraph above may have clued you in on, i faced disappointment today. the cute teacher has a girlfriend. i'm not exactly surprised, because it seemed so unlikely that someone as good-looking as him would be single. i suppose what softens the blow a little is that it's a girlfriend and not a boyfriend, meaning that he probably isn't into guys anyway, so even if he was single, it was still likely to be a rejection. the worst part is, there's nobody to blame. 

next question: where do we go from here? i'm actually split into 2 minds about this. part of me thinks that i should just carry on with life as usual. another part of me wants to just get it off my chest and tell him, but with the assurance that i don't expect anything from him in terms of returning my feelings or modifying our interaction. yes, i'll admit that the intention of telling him is mainly selfish and only to make myself feel better. and while there is no intention to disrupt his relationship, i may be viewed as having that intention if i tell him. yet, i want to, just so that i don't have regrets in keeping it to myself. but is doing that worth the potential fallout? that's something that i still have to figure out.

on a less serious note, my guild leader said something along the lines of, "you can still score even with a goalkeeper present". technically correct, but morally wrong. that's linked to the idea that if a relationship can be broken by a third party, it probably wasn't very strong to begin with. but i won't be responsible for breaking people up. also, there was something about how someone who leaves their partner to be with you probably isn't someone that you'd want to date anyway. it's a different story if i make a move after he breaks up, but i won't hope for that either. bad karma. if it happens, it happens.

because of COVID, this teacher said that he hasn't physically met his girlfriend in almost a year. he's not the only one; another teacher in one of the other schools said pretty much the same thing. it makes me wonder though, how they're managing and what their plan for the future is. i may have mentioned it before, but my predecessor told me that he dated long-distance for the 3 years he was on JET, so it's not impossible. and considering these two teachers are still fairly early-career, i would expect that they are planning to settle down with their partners eventually. is this an example of "good things are worth waiting for"? hopefully the thing (person) that i've been waiting for will make the wait worthwhile.

even though we're in different countries, i can still rely on scary JC friend to be a source of comfort and support. she thinks that given the knowledge of the existence of his girlfriend, it's not a good idea to tell him about my interest in him. she also said that an even better guy will come along, mainly to make me feel better because there's no way she (or anyone) knows that for sure. but considering japan's total population is 126 million...ok, let's be less ambitious and focus on kochi. kochi has a population of about 800 000. assuming half of that are males, 400 000. let's say 1 in 10 are within the age range that i'd consider, and a further 1 in 10 are actually into guys...that's still 4000 people, of which 1 person is 0.025%. arbitrary calculations, but i hope that's a decent ballpark figure. going by that, there seem to be plenty of fish in the sea. that reminds me of a meme that goes, "there are plenty of fish in the sea, but i want THAT fish". or something which applies more to me, "there are plenty of fish in the sea, but i suck at fishing". ah well. even if he's not a romantic prospect, at least he's nice, and he would probably be a good friend. is it stupid of me to hope that he's lying about the girlfriend? yes, yes it is. 

-random thought of the day: Talk about the graduation ceremony later.-

2 main ideas to blog about today. first, what i did on sunday. you may remember that scary JC friend gave me a bottle of nice perfume to take to japan. knowing that she wouldn't deliberately mess with me, knowing the store's reputation, and for ease of packing, i didn't open the packaging until settling down in the house. here is where i say something along the lines of how things can still go wrong despite everyone's best intentions. due to a manufacturing error, the atomizer/spray of the bottle wasn't fitted with a straw to draw the liquid up, essentially meaning that i was spraying air every time i pressed the button. turning the bottle upside-down worked in a pinch, but it was super annoying because so little liquid would be sprayed, and "sprayed" here meaning more like "dribbled". so after a couple months of procrastination, i got pliers and a working spray bottle from daiso, pried the cap assembly off the original bottle, and transferred the contents over. thankfully, the original pretty glass bottle is still in one piece (bar the cap, which was destroyed). i don't even think any glass got chipped off, which means it's safe for general use. will probably find a use for it, maybe in some form of decor. at present, the volatiles are still evaporating, meaning that it's acting as an incidental air freshener.

as the first of 2 graduation ceremonies i'm due to attend is on next saturday, i decided to get a haircut so that i look more presentable. my second haircut in japan went pretty well! this time, i opted for the additional service whose name is literally translated as "face-tidying". what it is is a shave (including eyebrow shaping if you want), and the surprising bit to me - nose hair trimming. as far as shaves go, it wasn't the best shave i've ever had; i can get closer shaves with my razor at home. but i suppose there's a compromise between the closeness of the shave, and the likelihood of cutting the customer plus time spent. if i were the barber, i'd err on the side of a less close but injury-free shave too. still, there's no denying that the additional 200 yen buys time and convenience. although would i opt for it again? probably not.

second, about an unintended effect of low student populations in schools around here. the board of education organized a table tennis competition yesterday, and i went down to spectate/offer support before the haircut and daiso shopping. i was chatting with my colleagues during some downtime for them, and we got to the topic of CCAs. they asked me why i joined judo, and my answer of "because it looked interesting" seemed to genuinely surprise them. you see, an inevitable consequence of having a low student population is that it limits the number (and hence variety) of available CCAs in a school. like, there would be no point to have clubs with not enough members for meaningful training. even now, i think there are kids in schools here who join the "least boring" CCA instead of the CCA that they truly want to join - because it may not be available in their school! so, despite me complaining that singapore is overcrowded, i suppose there's one advantage to having many people around you; that it's easier to get the required demand for variety to be generated.

hot off the presses! i know i said there were only 2 main items, but bear with me. after some creative batman work, i found a social media account belonging to the cute teacher, as well as pictures from his university days. he looks so different! i think it's because he has a shorter, more clean-cut hairstyle now, plus the photos from back then were quite candid (and thus unglam). well, getting the information is only 30% of the battle. the remaining 70% is knowing how and when to use it. in this case, the best option seems to be not to use it at all. there's no possible good that could come out of it. the plan is to try to develop the friendship organically...although i wonder if i can still call it "organic", considering that there's some degree of intention/premeditation involved. well...like i was telling scary JC friend, i should learn to YOLO. the worst case is i get rejected, and life goes on. best case, he may be the love of my life...but i shouldn't give myself too much false hope, because the probability of the worst case scenario happening is way higher than that of the best case.

-random thought of the day: Teacher transfer results will only be known in 2 weeks.-

Unpleasant post ahead. trigger warnings: death, specifically euthanasia and suicide. this post is not really meant to be consumed in the same way as most of my usual content. it's more for me to rationalize/sort out thoughts in my head. as far as necessary, i will be vague with identities, because, you know, privacy and all.

like i mentioned in the last post, my cousin's dog isn't well. after a checkup on friday, where the vet confirmed that there was nothing more that could feasibly be done, the family decided to have him put down. that's scheduled to happen today, in the afternoon. same-day cremation has been scheduled as well, sometime in the evening. all things considered, it's the logical/humane decision so as not to prolong the dog's suffering. the family seems to be coping well enough; sharing pictures and memories of the dog via whatsapp. i had a video call to say goodbye earlier in the morning. and while the previous post may suggest otherwise, i did like him, and i will miss him.

as if that wasn't heavy enough, the next topic is suicide. just this morning, i was made aware that a relative of someone in my social circle had ended their own life sometime towards the end of last year. my friend kept the news private for a few months, probably to give the family time to grieve and process all the associated emotions. while my friend is usually open and honest (sometimes to a fault) in facebook postings, i was a little surprised that my friend stayed true to form and chose to be 100% transparent even about such a private/sensitive matter by divulging that suicide was the cause of death, as well as writing about possible reasons/circumstances that led to the deceased's decision. due to societal stigma, suicide is not commonly spoken about so openly, and i think that more openness would help to create dialogue and understanding. for some context, the deceased was elderly, and one of the motivating factors was not wanting to be a burden to the next generation.

this has led me to rethink my view on suicide. it hasn't changed significantly from the last time i thought about it, i don't think. to me, what one does with one's life is ultimately one's own prerogative, and no one else's. unfortunately, no matter the reason, suicide carries a negative image. even the common verb is "committing suicide", like "committing crime". and while it's true that friends, family, and other loved ones will be affected by a person's death, arguments against suicide shouldn't be based on how their friend's death will affect them. eliminating that, the strongest argument against suicide is probably the one that goes "when there's life, there's hope". or "留得青山在，不怕没柴烧" - as long as there are mountains with greenery, don't be afraid of running out of firewood to burn. it sounds way more elegant in chinese. although some people really have no hope in their situations - terminal illness, for example. but i don't want to delve too deep into nuances and different circumstances here.

something that i hadn't really thought about before, but was spurred on to think about by my friend's announcement, is how people who have decided to end their lives spend their last living moments, and their feelings in that time. considering that most people they tell will try to stop them, it must be an incredibly lonely and fearful experience. i was going to say that the loneliness would be added on to because they can't risk confiding in anyone - the law in singapore requires a person to report someone who's at risk of suicide or if they know of a suicide attempt in progress - but my googling didn't turn up anything to corroborate that. might be a false impression or mistake on my part. compare this to a "natural" death, where the soon-to-be deceased is typically surrounded by friends and family, and able to die in a more...wholesome manner. for that reason, i think people who choose suicide are braver than they are given credit for, even more so because they don't get a redo or an opportunity to do things that they may have forgotten if things go according to plan. i wonder if i will ever live to see an "end-of-life celebration", where everyone attending the party knows that the guest of honour will be departing soon, and that it's their chance to say goodbye. it would probably help relieve any feelings of guilt or regret for the living.

having said all that, i want to assure everyone that i'm mentally ok, and not thinking of ending my own life. additional disclaimer: i'm not an advocate for suicide, but i think that people should have the right to end their own lives when that decision is arrived at after rational thought. i suppose i'm lucky to be too afraid of pain/death for suicide to be a viable option personally. or to put it differently, i suppose i'm lucky that things in my life have never gotten bad enough to win out against my extreme fear of pain/death. and knowing that i'm the type of person who would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, i am bound to forget something important in my preparation/arrangements and not realize it. given the permanent/irreversible nature of death, that's not good. oh well. if things go my way, my death will be natural, painless, a long way into the future, and after having led a rich and fulfilling life. may we all be that fortunate.

-random thought of the day: Goodbye, silly boy.-

Going to first blog about two "P" things this time, progress and perspective. they're actually linked, and i'll explain why. starting with progress, i think that i'm still losing weight. i've got one of those belts with a ratcheting buckle, and i'm hearing more clicks when i put it on. also, there is so much more slack at the end now. just imagine - when i was giving tuition in singapore, i could just barely get the end through the first extra belt loop after buckling it. now, the end is touching the second extra belt loop. but that's not an accurate measure of how much weight i've lost, because human bodies are squishy, and there's kind of a margin of error depending on how much the belt is tightened. still, i know that i've lost weight because moving in those pants is so much easier now! confession: i usually sat down or stood up through the entire tuition class in singapore, because sitting down and getting up repeatedly in those tight (at that time) pants was uncomfortable. i'm not facing that issue now, and that's why it's hard to believe that it's the same pair of pants!

that was about progress. now, about perspective. while i'm happy that i've been losing weight, i am by no means at (or even near) my final goal. i was reminded of this when i tried on some other pairs of pants that i'd brought from singapore, only to realize that they were (still) too tight for me. hard to believe that there was ever a time when i could fit into them. actually, now that i think about it, i'm wondering when the period of most severe weight gain was. i wasn't thin by any means even in army, but i was still decently fit (best 2.4km timing was 11:20 minutes; how i did it, i'll never know). if i had to guess, i'd say basically the whole time i was in NUS? i know it got worse quicker in grad school, and particularly during the period where research progress was slow. that depressive period after the IP firm didn't help, either. but yes, it's time to reverse the damage.

sometimes, progress isn't linear. i know that to be true for weight loss, and apparently, it's also true for another thing about my body that i'm trying to rectify. not going to disclose exactly what it is because privacy, but i was making good progress on it last month. but after a one-week hiatus due to overdoing certain things in pursuit of the goal, the progress has been lost, and i think there's even been regression. but well, i've got to keep at it, perhaps at a more gradual/sustainable pace.

my cousin told me the other day that his dog is dying. sure, we're all gradually approaching death with every passing day, but you know what i mean. the dog has aggressive cancer that wasn't detected and that has metastasized, apparently. just got off a video call with them, and the dog looks lethargic and just generally unwell. i'm going to sound terrible for saying this next thing. while i feel for the dog, and for my cousin, aunt, and uncle, in a way, i think that this isn't all that bad. i've spoken about this sometime before, but the condensed story is that my cousin bought the dog basically on a whim and left it at my aunt and uncle's place. he only sees it on weekends, and i personally think that that isn't very responsible. it wasn't even like he bought the dog for his parents, either. that would be a whole other ethical conundrum. and while i think that the dog did bring the family much joy, it also brought a physical and financial burden. imagine - my uncle gets up at 5am because that's when the dog wakes up. add on that my aunt and uncle (i think more of my aunt) spoiled the dog rotten, such that it developed some behavioural issues. i don't blame the dog for that...that's purely on the owners, just like kids and parents.

in our conversation, my cousin said that the dog was like a child to him, which struck me as...inconsistent. then again, i've always thought that he should have played a more active role in taking care of the dog, including taking it to live at his own home, instead of burdening his parents with it. and even though what i think may be true, that's not what he needs to hear right now. i was going to say that this was a rare opportunity for me to choose between being right and being kind, but after some more thought, i realized that i've been making that choice almost every day in japan. instead of telling the kids straight up that their standard of english sucks and that they need to work at least twice (if not 5 times) as hard at it (which is the truth), i've been taking a more positive approach by giving praise and encouraging them to try and use english more, in the hope that they will grow to like it, take interest, and naturally improve. while i don't want to turn them away from english by pushing them too hard, i think that they need to be stretched a little more. it's probably the type-A singapore mentality coming into play again.

the week is almost ending, and so is the school term. another 3 weeks to go, i think? something that i'm having difficulty wrapping my head around is that school terms seemingly start and end on random days of the week. like one school has spring break start on a thursday. and the next term starts on a thursday too. well...at least that's consistent. i just think the "end on friday, start on monday" system would be so much clearer. oh well. my goal for this week is to ask the cute teacher out, and/or exchange a social media contact with him. wanted to do it on tuesday, but he had classes during my free periods. hopefully the stars (and our schedules) align better tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Still sitting on that current affairs post.-

I've got an archived post discussing current events, which will probably no longer be current by the time i publish that post. but instead of working on that, i'll just add some thoughts about school C after this week's classes.

i think i've mostly figured out why it's my least favourite school. the biggest reason is because they're inconsistent, in that their actions don't match their words. like, they'll hang up an "english day" banner when i'm due to visit. but japanese will still be the primary language spoken during english class. earlier, i kind of just accepted that there is a need to give instructions in japanese. but thinking about my experience in learning other languages (chinese and japanese), i realize that english was very rarely used, even for classroom management. using english in chinese class was basically unheard of. some of my chinese teachers probably didn't even have english language certifications! and i know what some of you will say - "but chinese is used at home in singapore, right?" yes, to an extent. but in my particular case, i don't recall learning chinese at home! even for japanese, they gave like a list of phrases that a teacher might use in class, and told us to refer to it. to be fair, they included a romaji pronunciation guide, which i wouldn't do if the situation was reversed (ie. giving an english sheet with katakana pronunciation guide). also, that was done for university students, who probably learn more efficiently.

a secondary reason is my interactions with the teachers. in terms of english teachers, this school is the best-staffed out of all the schools in town. they have one teacher for each level, excluding me! one of the teachers is very...domineering? bossy? no, those are too negative. what i want to say is that this teacher has a very firm idea of how they want the class to run, and they get annoyed with deviations from that ideal plan. that's conflicting with my style, because i'm more loose with time management and the overall lesson plan. like, i won't repeat a conversation from the textbook word-for-word, especially if it sounds odd to me. but yes, i'm the assistant in this case, so i'm trying to suit this teacher's style. the other 2 teachers are friendly to me, but i get the impression that they don't want me interfering too much with their teaching. evidence: for their classes, i'm usually told to go to a separate room and evaluate skit performances/talk to groups of students. i don't know their thought process, but i personally think that i'd be better utilized helping the students to prepare for the skits! of course, i could give the kids lousy scores for below-acceptable pronunciation and performance, but that's lose-lose. granted that one of the classes is graduating soon, so there's not much that i can do for them either. and one of those teachers has a habit of saying "i want you to..." when asking me to do something. i'm pretty sure it isn't meant as an order, because the teacher will always ask if i have time to do it. probably just a cultural/english difference, but i was surprised, to say the least, when i first heard it. 

having said all of that though, school C is the most important school in the town, because (1) it's the biggest, and (2) the kids from 2 primary schools will be going there from april onwards. so...i don't know. i guess i should figure something out. alternatively i can wait till april to see if any of the teachers are transferring out and if teachers with whom i can get along better are transferring in. of course, there's a huge random factor involved, and there's a chance that worse teachers could transfer in as well. so that's probably not the best bet. well...will probably worry about it when things happen. on that note, i'm also a little concerned that the cute teacher from school A may be transferred out as well. maybe i should ask him out for lunch or something, get to know him better outside of school.

the past week was a little shorter, due to a public holiday on tuesday. still feeling tired, though. worse, i had a mild stomach upset last night. not sure why...maybe from eating something slightly off? good thing is that i'm basically over it now, just have some slight discomfort every now and then. should be fully recovered by tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Rainy day tomorrow.-

Cultural exchange is a main aim of JET, arguably more so than the english teaching. so with that in mind, i thought i'd share something that i'm sure most foreigners don't know - how to offer condolences in japanese. most people learn japanese for happier reasons, like wanting to visit japan for sightseeing. so, death is something that's not usually discussed in regular japanese language lessons. unfortunately, i've already had to offer condolences to two different people in the office this year, and the phrase that i used was "お悔やみ申し上げます" - pronounced "okuyami moushiagemasu". that translates to "i sincerely offer [you] my condolences". there are other expressions, but i thought that this one was the easiest to remember. it's also not too long, so less risk of mistakes or tripping over your words while saying it. and while i hope you never have to use it, having the knowledge is always good.

yesterday was more tiring than usual. the primary 5 and 6 kids had collaboration classes with kids from another school, and there was a meeting about english language teaching that i had to attend after those classes. end result was that i slept for about 12 hours last night to this morning. as for the meeting, i think i only understood like 30% of what was discussed. the other non-japanese english teacher and i gave recommendations on how english teaching in the town can be improved, but i'm not sure if our ideas will be implemented or even considered. i'm actually surprised at how low the standard of english is, considering the materials that one of my predecessors made about 10 years ago imply that primary school kids were able to hold a simple conversation. something went wrong with english teaching between then and now, because barely a handful of kids (even in secondary school) are at that level. hopefully i can change that for the better in the time that i'm here.

now that i've been in the schools for a while, i think i've got a decent grasp of how i feel about each school. since i have 3 secondary schools, i'll call them school A, B, and C. school A is one of my favourite schools. the teachers there try and talk to me regularly, and the kids are very nice too. i just wish that the sec 2s there would be a bit more vocal during english class, though i think they're starting to warm up to me a little now. biggest plus for me is that the cute teacher works there! school B is the smallest school, with only 7 kids (well, 8, but one of them doesn't go very often). on average, i like the kids there the most. the staff are nice and treat me well too, but some of them are a little...eccentric. not that that's a bad thing, just that i'm sometimes not sure how to react to certain things they say. i trust that they don't mean any harm, though. the sad thing is, due to the low enrollment, school B is due to close at the end of this academic year. it's sad, because i like the english teacher there quite a lot, plus i think she's one of the better teachers.

that leaves school C. it's by no means bad, but it's my least favourite school. for one, the teachers there are...distant. while i would miss the english teachers from schools A and B if they were transferred out, i would be indifferent to losing the english teachers in school C. well, except maybe for one of them. it might be because that school C is the largest secondary school (about 80 students, compared to 19 and 7), so everyone is more busy and the atmosphere is not as homey as the other 2 schools. the kids there are nice enough, but quiet and not as friendly. could be because they're under more stress, i don't know. but i suppose i should count my blessings; none of the kids are like, BAD bad. probably just moody from hormones and puberty, plus the language barrier makes it difficult to communicate. i was reading a thread on reddit about nightmare JET experiences, and the kids in some other places are downright abusive! telling JETs things like "go back to where you came from" or "learn to speak japanese", or even getting physical with teachers, both their regular teachers and JETs alike! i am tremendously grateful that i don't have to deal with that kind of misbehaviour. so far, i think the worst i've had to deal with are kids talking and sleeping in class, which is a walk in the park by comparison.

since i only have one primary school right now, it's my favourite primary school by default. i enjoy my classes there a lot, though it's really tiring! at this time, the kids have more or less gotten used to me, and some of them have even warmed up to me a bit. that's good, because these kids will end up going to school C for secondary education. i figure that having kids who are already familiar with me (and who hopefully like me) will make class easier. i should probably mention that each secondary school has its own affiliated primary school, so kids in primary school A will go to secondary school A. but since secondary school B is closing, the kids there will go to secondary school C. wonder how that will work out. i also like the staff in the primary school a lot, because they've been very friendly and welcoming. might be a common trait with primary school staff, i don't know.

one odd (to me) thing about the japanese school year is that it starts in april and ends in march the following year. probably to coincide with the start of spring or something, i'm not sure. takes a bit of getting used to, because kids born in different calendar years can be in the same grade. one of the first surprises i had was learning that a kid born in june was older than a kid in the same grade who was born in february. they later clarified that it was february of the following year! coming from a place where the official academic year follows the calendar year (except for universities), it was a bit disorienting. since the school year ends in march, that's also when graduation ceremonies are being held. and all 3 of my secondary schools' graduation ceremonies are on the same day. don't know if the schools discussed it among themselves first, but school A invited me to theirs, school C told me not to go to theirs (because COVID), and school B didn't say anything. to avoid scheduling conflicts, i asked to attend school B's school-closing ceremony instead of their graduation ceremony. that way, i can still show my face at one of their significant events, while not letting school A down either, since they were the first to extend an official invitation. waiting to hear back from the head teacher, because he said he'd have to discuss it with the principal...but here's hoping that things go according to plan.

good thing for me is that the primary school is having their graduation ceremony on a different day from the secondary schools, so there's a chance that i'll be able to attend...provided the total headcount is still within restrictions. it's probably going to be a bit harder, since there are quite a lot of graduating kids, plus parents and all that. but it's not that big a loss, since i'll see the kids again in secondary school anyway.

another reason why school A is my favourite school is because they scheduled a field trip on monday (which is when i'm scheduled to visit their school), and they invited me along! initially, i was thinking of declining, because i'd planned to take off-in-lieu on monday, which would give me a 4-day weekend (tuesday's a public holiday). but after more thinking, i reasoned that it would be a new experience, and it would allow me to spend more time with the kids, as well as with the cute teacher! so yes, i'm going. the field trip is to a zoo in a neighbouring town. i've never been to a zoo in japan, so that'll be interesting.

for my first valentine's day in japan, i brought chocolate for all my secondary school kids. unfortunately, the head teacher at school C very nicely told me not to give them to the kids, because COVID. never mind that each piece is individually wrapped, COVID. oh well. it's hard for me to argue with that without coming off as confrontational and inconsiderate, especially with the state of the world today, so i just sucked it up. not exactly my loss anyway. consequence is that i have 7 extra boxes of chocolate for personal consumption. not good for my diet, but it'll be fine in the long run.

my junior from lab posted a status update on facebook which included the word "examiner". knowing that she was done with school, i guessed that she might have been referring to a patent examiner. and after some poking around on linkedin, i found that i was right! in fact, she's now working for the same company that i applied to just before getting JET confirmation. yes, the one that rejected me. i don't bear her any ill will at all for landing that job. in fact, i'm happy for her! i also took the chance to do my once-every-few-months poke-around on linkedin, and saw to my surprise that a few people had left the accursed IP firm, including 2 of the 3 people who entered around the same time as me, as well as some more senior people who seemed to be well on their way to patent attorney qualification. it did make me think, though, about how much the qualification actually means to me. it seems that a lot of people doing IP-related jobs aren't qualified. but based on what i know, it's better to have it because more salary, more career advancement opportunities, plus more freedom to practise. that comes with a cost too, that any mistakes in the application are on your head if you're the attorney that signs off on it. but you know the spiderman quote, great something or another. i guess i'll sit on it a bit more. at this point in time, i don't think that i'm ready to attempt an IP job in japan. just the language skills requirement alone would probably kill me! well...let's see how things will have changed by the time i'm ready to call it quits with JET.

-random thought of the day: Feeling like an auntie - so happy to see eggs on sale today!-

Random occurrence can be stranger than premediation. i say this because the first letter of my previous 7 posts spell "PANTLES". there wouldn't be a last S because i don't repeat starting letters for consecutive posts. and yes, i'm serious. this wasn't planned at all. on top of that, my 1881st post was published on 11/02/2021. i missed publishing a palindromic post on a palindromic date by just one day! well, i suppose i still have 02 december, if i follow the way the americans and japanese write the date. but my next palindromic post number will be 1991, and i don't think i can write 109 posts (excluding this one) in 10 months. i'll need about 11 posts per month, or roughly one post every 2 to 3 days. well...i probably COULD, but the majority of them wouldn't be very meaningful.

had a bit of drama in final fantasy. well, not drama drama, but it was annoying anyway. so, i messaged someone who was recruiting for their raid team. i read the ad wrongly, and later realized that they were looking for a role that i couldn't play. but the leader assured me everything was ok and even got me to join their discord server. ten minutes later, he said that the role was no longer available due to a miscommunication. i am disproportionately upset because he had TWO chances to tell me that there was a mismatch. i hate having my expectations raised and dropped like that. but well...this is not unusual in games. another contributing factor to my upsetedness is that due to bad timing, the raid tier was released when i was about to finish quarantine, and you all know that i didn't have fibre internet for my first month here. so i'm very behind in raids, to the point where i'm still at the first of 4 fights, whereas a not-small number of guildmates have cleared all 4 fights already. it's more annoying because if i clear this tier, it'll be the first time that i finish an entire expansion's raids.

well, the plan is to move on and either find a team, or rely on matchmaking. there are pros and cons to each approach, and i've cleared fights with randoms as well as with a fixed party before. not sure why this particular incident got me so bent out of shape, but it'll pass. that person is on my blacklist now anyway, so that's a small measure of petty revenge. yes, it's not much at all, but i'll take what i can get.

the oddest thing happened yesterday morning. on the way to the carpark beside the town hall, i had to cross an inclined bridge made of metal. the stupid design of the carpark and town hall is something for another post, but suffice for now to say that i don't have a very high opinion of the design. since it rained on sunday night and in early monday morning, the bridge was wet, and i slipped. my right foot went out under me and i fell. i don't remember how i landed, but it wasn't an all-out fall; i still had some dignity intact. but the odd thing is, the quadricep muscle on my right leg (and only the right leg) has been aching since then. i suspect the fall may have caused me to hyperextend it, or worst case, it's a minor tear. whatever it is, it's made going up and down stairs quite unpleasant. as luck would have it, there are very many stairs both at the new town hall and in all my schools. hopefully it gets better within the week, or more ideally, overnight while i sleep.

it's weird - i find myself thinking the same thoughts every day at certain places, but by the time i reach home, i'll forget what exactly those thoughts were! location-dependent memory, i guess. well, my usual philosophy is "if i can't recall it, it probably isn't that important". maybe i should make more effort, like record it down on my phone the next time i'm in those particular locations.

oh! i forgot to update about staying over at my supervisor's place! it's the second time i've done so, and somehow or another, earthquakes happened on both nights so far. i made chicken curry for them using the pre-made spice pack that i brought from singapore. good news is they liked it! better news is that nobody suffered from food poisoning! as an indirect consequence of this (because my supervisor told some colleagues that she thought the curry tasted good), the board of education wants to do one school lunch per school term that features singaporean food...and i've been asked to find recipes! quite exciting, and i'm actually very surprised/touched that they even thought of this idea. now, all i need are recipes that are easy enough to make, and which have ingredients that are easy enough to source for. i also told her about the cute teacher. unfortunately, she doesn't interact much with the school staff (aside from the english teachers because they work with the JETs), so she wasn't able to tell me anything about him. but she did say that she'll keep a lookout and let me know if any information surfaces, so that's nice. feels like i've got an ally in this endeavour, or something like that.

so many more things to blog about, like graduation ceremonies, primary school kids, valentine's day, a potential zoo trip, and the cute teacher, to name a few topics off the top of my head. but it's getting late, and there's still school tomorrow morning. also, i don't have complete information about graduation yet, so best for me not to blog about that at this time. and it's almost time for me to sleep anyway. just going to do a bit more mindless crafting before calling it a night.

-random thought of the day: Need better-quality sleep.-

Purely by coincidence, today (CNY eve) is also a public holiday in japan. it's their national day i think? the actual name is 建国記念の日, so i don't think "national day" is too far off. mildly annoying to have a holiday that's so near yet so far from a weekend. but well, i'll manage. not like i can do anything about it, anyway.

i've said before that i don't need much in the way of material needs. just a house, a car, and enough money to treat myself every now and then. in that regard, life in japan now is more than adequate. i could probably spend double to triple of my current daily expenditure on food, and still have enough money to pay the bills and have a bit of savings. but that's not going to happen, because i still have to prepare for life after JET.

on a less tangible note, would i be happy teaching english in rural japan long-term? there are 2 aspects to examine - teaching english, and rural japan. my current thought is no for the former, yes for the latter. i've known for a long time that while i like teaching and am (i think, at least) decent at it, it doesn't give me fulfillment. perhaps that's because my teaching experience has been in singapore and japan, where schools mainly focus on preparing kids for exams. to be fair, all schools do that to some degree. just that it's especially obvious in these 2 countries. also, especially for teaching english in japan, i honestly feel like the japanese education system isn't the best for learning english. i'm starting to see why japanese people on a whole are not very good at english, and why the same problems regarding english have persisted in japan despite 30+ years of JET and over 100 years of english learning history in the country. in particular, regarding pronunciation. l and r, b and v are the 2 more common problem areas. and part of the reason is that some teachers encourage their students to use furigana (phonetic spellings of words in japanese letters) as pronunciation guides for english words. if you pronounce words using the japanese alphabet, they're going to sound japanese! the other part is that basically everyone in japan pronounces english the japanese way, and to pronounce it the proper way would be going against the majority. i actually can kind of empathize, because the same problem occurs in singapore. example is the word "flour". so, i can kind of see why japanese kids may not want/be able to pronounce words properly. other factors include fear of making mistakes, not wanting to stand out from their peers, not having enough opportunities to use english outside of school, and even more.

life in rural japan is different from city life. obvious, right? unfortunately, i think it's bad timing that i'm on JET during a pandemic. it's certainly an atypical experience; most JETs are usually able to travel around and meet up with people. technically i'm still able to, but the experience will be severely diminished just thanks to the whole COVID atmosphere. that aside, life is good here; i can't really complain about anything. if i was doing something more intellectually stimulating, earning a bit more money, i would happily live here for good. well...i'd probably also want to move into a different house, purely out of concern for the nankai, but yes. if i could afford to be picky, maybe i'd choose a more developed town/city, but not quite on the level of tokyo. ideally, i'd want to live in every prefecture of japan...but considering japan has 47 prefectures, and considering that i'd probably want to live in each prefecture for at least a full year just for the complete experience, i don't think i can accomplish that within this lifetime.

while today is a holiday in japan, tomorrow is not. that means i'll be working on CNY day 1. not that big a deal, really. i don't miss CNY exactly, but i sure would like to see some people in singapore again. (in no particular order) the chemistry guys, scary JC friend, my cousin and his family, and some guildmates come to mind. lawyer guy has been completely off the radar, unfortunately. he didn't even come back for the current raid tier, so i guess it's not meant to be. hope i'll have better luck with at least one of my current interests now.

-random thought of the day: Feeling tired.-

Addendum to yesterday's post...just a few more things that happened, but slipped my mind when i was writing it. first, my supervisor unintentionally acted as my wingman (wingwoman?) with cute colleague. we were talking about social media, or social network services (SNS) as they're known in japan. i offhandedly said that i didn't really use line, and that my contacts list was kind of empty. she followed up by telling cute colleague, "you should add each other!". totally unplanned and unexpected. so, he's on my contact list now. as a result, i know his birthday (public on his profile), and how he looks maskless. i think he got thinner since his profile photo was taken. but anyway, that was an unexpected surprise. unfortunately for me, i think he's straight, so he may not be a romantic prospect. still, i feel like i owe it to myself to remove all doubt before writing him off.

the next surprise was a bit less pleasant. so by chance, i stumbled upon a profile of the ex. in it, he made a reference to being on the lookout for recreational drugs. not judging, but it's not something i approve of. it's a bit of an unfair statement, considering i don't have first-hand experience with drugs, and thus can't really present a balanced argument. but i know enough about how destructive addiction can be. although that's questionable too, since i don't know the addictive potential of whatever he's looking for. still, i'm grateful for the distance between us now, because i don't want to be tangled up in that sort of mess. in the spirit of trying everything once, i have thought about doing things like smoking and taking drugs before. at the same time, i think that the potential costs outweigh whatever benefits that there might be in my particular case. so, if i do it at all, it'll be when i have much less to lose - say, like when i'm on the verge of death or terminally ill. for the record, i don't feel anything for the ex. i'm concerned about him like i would be for any other human being, but i'm not about to interfere in his life, or rush to his rescue, or render any help even if he asks.

finally, the last surprise has to do with age. there's this guy i know from work. he's not with the board of education, but in one of the other departments in the town hall. he speaks good english because he used to date an american girl, but he ended up marrying a japanese girl. i even met his wife and kid (bumped into the whole family shopping at the supermarket). all this while, i'd always thought he was younger than me, because he looks young and has a one year old kid. so, kind of like at the stage of just starting his family. while we were talking yesterday, he casually mentioned that he had been to singapore when he was in primary 6, 25 years ago. do the maths, and you'll figure out that he's 37 years old! i swear, he looks 10 years younger than his actual age. i think it might be the fresh air, good food, and low-stress lifestyle here. actually, although mine are low, i don't know how other people's stress levels are. that's because as a JET, i sort of exist outside of the normal japanese hierarchy. it's good, because i can get away with doing things that would be unforgivable for a regular employee to do...like getting greetings wrong, or using wrong keigo. that probably won't be the case if i work for a regular company, so i guess i'd better learn while on JET.

-random thought of the day: Nice relaxing day today.-

Nothing particularly bad happened today, but i felt my mood take a dive at the end of the day. it was even more weird, considering that i had had a very good afternoon of classes, and i got to see the cute teacher, too! if i had to guess at the cause for the downturn in mood, i'd say that it was due to something that happened in the morning, where i unintentionally talked over the other english teacher. i think she got annoyed at it, based on her reaction of walking away from the front of the classroom. i hope that my peace offering of my packet drink from school lunch (it's too sweet for me anyway), plus some time apart over the weekend will help sweep this little episode under the rug.

you might find it weird, why i said "some time apart". as you may know, my arrival in japan was delayed by 2 months, and my deployment to schools was delayed by 4-ish months. so, the board of education (or maybe the individual schools) hired a non-JET ALT as a stopgap measure. now that i'm in japan, my teaching schedule overlaps with hers, to the point where we have classes together for 4 days a week! it's a bit too much, in my opinion, and would have been disastrous if we didn't get along. thankfully, she's pretty nice, and a great teacher. i trust that with her years of experience and living in japan, she won't let something like that get to her. i guess i'll have a better gauge of her mood on monday.

a few more interesting things happened this week. yesterday, a school's principal asked if i'd lost weight. while the answer is yes, i didn't think other people would notice! honestly, i haven't been very regular with weighing myself, but i have other indicators - like being able to tighten my belt more, and being able to take my pants off without unbuckling them (quite an achievement, considering these pants were tailored). but yes, i think the diet is working, because i don't have exercise plans until the weather gets warmer. the only exercise i get is climbing stairs and walking around in schools. maybe they were right, 80% of weight loss is what you do outside the gym.

today, i ate lunch with the primary 4 kids. i think out of all the levels in primary school, they've taken to me the most. evidence: they're the only class to invite me to play with them at the playground during recess. it was a nice thought, and i went down with them. but i didn't run around with as much wild abandon as they did because i still had afternoon classes! it's a good sign, that the kids are accepting me into their circles. some of them even told their teachers that they saw me at the supermarket! i guess that's how gossip spreads.

the kids here are so...simple. and i don't mean that in a derogatory manner at all. like, if i put a kid from kochi alongside a kid of equivalent age from singapore, the difference would be so obvious. in singapore, kids as young as primary school have smartphones, and use them in school. i'm not saying that the kids here don't have phones (the primary school kids probably don't), but i have yet to see a kid of any level take out their phone while on school premises. we were doing a speaking activity with the primary school kids, and they had to respond to "what do you want for your birthday?". a surprising number of them said "nothing". i won't discount the possibility that some of them are shy and/or don't know how to say their desired item in english, but i think i would never get that answer from singapore kids.

bedtime! tomorrow will be a final fantasy day (i haven't logged in for the past 2 days), and i'll try to fit in a walk as well. sunday will be cooking experimentation day. going to my supervisor's house next weekend, and i want to make sure that the stuff i bring passes muster.

-random thought of the day: Confirm that chocolate stocks are enough for all the students.-

Today has left me with a full heart. not because of english class, unfortunately (that actually gave me a bit of stress), but because of a special event organized by the school which i visited. for their last period, all the students attended a special talk on LGBT awareness. it was given by a (female) school counsellor and her (female) partner. or i think i can say "wife" because they got married last year. i was quite amused, because they're the stereotypical lesbian couple! one is more "butch" (tomboy - short hair, wears shirt and pants, more outgoing), and the other is more "femme" (feminine - long hair, wears dresses and skirts, soft-spoken). i know that stereotyping isn't good, but like i always say, stereotypes exist for a reason. and to find a couple that matched up with the stereotype so well was really funny.

most of the info in the talk wasn't new to me; i knew things like the distinction between biological sex and gender, as well as the various sexual orientations. interestingly, the speaker said there are broadly 4 types of sexuality - biological sex (what reproductive parts you have), gender (the gender you feel in your heart), gender assigned to you by society, and sexual orientation. out of all of those, i didn't/don't really think about society-assigned gender all that much, because i'm lucky enough to be a cis male, and i (for the most part) match society's perception of how a male should look and behave. short hair (except for that little phase in undergrad), male-appropriate clothing, deep-ish voice, etc. hiding my orientation is easy enough, because there are no visible tells (i think?), but for a trans person, having to hide their very identity, or embrace their identity and potentially get ridiculed (especially if they don't pass off well), is not fun.

what warmed my heart more was that there was a general air of acceptance and understanding in the school hall. more than that, i THINK the principal mentioned that there are kids in the school who are going through some doubt regarding their gender and/or orientation, and he encouraged everyone to be understanding and to respect others' privacy. at least, that's what my broken japanese picked up, but don't quote me on that. it heartens me, to see that the kids were generally receptive to the contents of the talk. one of them even said that as long as their partner was nice to them and they got along, the partner's gender didn't matter. actually, scratch that. it heartens me just to know that such a talk was even allowed in the first place! there would be so much outrage if this talk was proposed in singapore. at the same time i'm not foolish enough to believe that there can be zero opposition to any issue, even here in japan. maybe some kids don't approve, or think that being LGBT is wrong. if that's the case, i hope that they remember the last message of the talk - that nobody has the right to decide how others should live their lives. more than that, i hope there is a way for them to engage with an LGBT person for a different perspective.

after the talk, i had a short chat with the presenters. i congratulated them on their marriage, then followed up with "私たちのことを学生たちに教えてあげて、ありがとうございます", or "thank you for teaching the students about us". the hint was successfully conveyed, and i think we shared a moment. they were sympathetic upon learning about section 377a, and i wish my japanese was better, so i could have shared more about the LGBT rights situation in singapore. the speaker's partner is from one of the neighbouring prefectures, and she said that while people in kochi are not very informed about LGBT rights, people in the prefecture where she's from are more open to LGBT stuff. we shared a laugh when i told her that the teacher who i find cute (who teaches in another school) is also from that same prefecture!

the talk gave me some things to think about. first of all, the speaker is a school counsellor, though not in this town. that means she's employed by a town government, despite being so open about her orientation! that would be unthinkable in singapore. don't get me wrong, LGBT education professionals (teachers, counsellors, social workers) are employed in decently large numbers by MOE, but the unspoken stance is "don't ask, don't tell". i'm not one to scream something so personal from the rooftops, but i think that people who want to be open about their orientation shouldn't be forced to hide it. in fact, having good LGBT role models in the form of their teachers or other authority figures might help LGBT kids as they're growing up. goodness knows i could have used a role model in my teenage years. might have saved myself some agony.

when i shared today's happenings with my big brother figure, he rhetorically asked why my small fishing town is more progressive than metropolitan singapore. i wish i knew! the answer is probably something like "because the small fishing town is located in a more progressive country". it pains me that singapore is so wishy-washy about the whole 377a thing. like, refusing to repeal it, but promising not to actively enforce it? (not) sorry to say it, but politician's promises are worth their weight in gold; and since spoken promises don't weigh anything, they're absolutely worthless. i've seen posts on facebook suggesting that certain religious groups are the main source of opposition, and it makes me wonder why. what do they stand to gain from it? it's just discrimination, isn't it? "i don't like someone because they're not like me/because they do things which i find weird". all that "love the sinner, hate the sin" jazz doesn't fly by me either. who decided that being non-straight and non-cisgender is a sin, anyway? unless a higher being personally tells me so, i'm not going to believe a message that has probably been distorted over the millennia. think the broken telephone game, but with way more participants, and over a much longer period. evidence that the true teachings of religions (all of them, not just a single one in particular) has been differently interpreted is found in the existence of multiple denominations within each religion. but i don't really want to delve too deep into that can of worms right now. not worth getting all riled up and spoiling the good memories from earlier. to be fair, i must balance my point by saying that some LGBT folks aren't doing the community any favours either. and with the toxicity/infighting within the community itself, it'll take a while before progress can be made.

-random thought of the day: How can I be of support to LGBT kids here?-