Part 2 of yesterday's post is a bit overdue, because i got back late last night and couldn't summon the blogging spirit. anyway, this post will more likely be less positive than the previous one, largely because there's a lot of stuff that i have to get out of my head.

although things have been going well as of late, i've been feeling a bit unmotivated. demotivated, even. it's normal i guess; moods follow a cycle. just like it's unreasonable to expect someone to be happy and cheerful all the time, it's also not possible to remain down in the dumps for too long. perhaps it's just me having to adapt to moving to sengkang, and needing to chart out a clearer plan of action for research. while moving to sengkang is mostly good, the biggest negative is that i have to readjust all my timings and take the expressway traffic into account more so then when i was in bishan. you see, compared to bishan, sengkang is a lot further away from most of my usual hangouts...like school, the date's place, even the judo club. worse is, i've got to travel by expressway most of the time now, and as any singaporean driver will tell you, expressways at peak hour are no fun at all. this is due to two factors - heavier traffic, and ERP. ERP is scary as i face it twice a day...going to school in the morning, and coming back in the evenings/nights. i don't think i mentioned this here yet, but i ate a $6 ERP on the morning of my QE presentation, while trying not to be late for rehearsal with my professor. when i told my friend, he put it in perspective by saying that that $6 charge would soon be offset by a $500 increment. i guess he has a point. and as he told me before also, any problem that can be solved using money isn't a problem at all.

the ERP problem is actually very easily solved. just leave the house/school outside of the ERP timing. that's not too difficult in the morning, as the ERP runs from 7:00am to 9:30am i think. means i can reach school by about 10am, which is still within reasonable limits. going back, on the other hand, is tougher. the evening ERP runs from 5:30pm to 8:00pm, which means that i either leave school very early, or very late. that wouldn't be so bad, if the travel time between school and home was still 20 minutes. right now, i'm averaging about 35 minutes, and an additional 14km or so each way. but then, i suppose it's a bit of a first-world problem, considering i have so much flexibility and mobility, not to mention i don't have to worry about train breakdowns or bus arrival times. just moron drivers. oh, that reminds me. talking to my car enthusiast friend revealed that i've been calculating the car's fuel economy wrongly. my first and most fundamental assumption was that each division of the fuel gauge was equal, and represented the same amount of fuel. turns out that was wrong. a more accurate measure is to look at the distance travelled between visits to the petrol station, and divide that by the volume of petrol consumed for a km/L figure. using my previous assumption that each division of the gauge was 2.5L, i came up with about 9km/L. using the more correct method brought that figure up to about 12km/L, and the most recent value i got after all that expressway driving is in the vicinity of 15-16km/L. can't really complain with numbers like that.

one other issue i'm having is that my sleep cycle has been messed up quite badly. not sure why, or when exactly it started, but i've been sleeping at an average of 1:30am at night, and waking up at around 8:00am or so. those are fairly ok hours, but somehow, i just feel so tired and reluctant to start the day after waking up! might be due to sleeping in an air-con environment now, which is far more comfortable. i suppose part of it may be due to the aforementioned decrease in motivation, too. well...i guess i should fix that. my current plan is to not make excuses or give myself any reason to lie in. because i know how convincing i can be to myself while half-asleep, i've decided to use external means to force myself. tomorrow's strategy for waking up early is that i've booked an 8:00am NMR slot, which means getting to school by then to run my samples. to make it even more effective, i've opened up requests to the whole lab, and my postdoc gave me 3 samples. should provide me with the additional kick i need to roll out of bed.

i guess the main reason that i've been feeling a bit lost is because i've dropped a few balls. not sure how i got the idea for this analogy, whether someone told it to me or i read it somewhere. life is kind of like juggling balls which are made of different materials. some are rubber, and can survive a few drops. other ones made of glass MAY tolerate some carelessness, but will more than likely shatter if mishandled. i guess i should refocus, and decide which areas of life i should focus on. other things which are less important can be set aside, either temporarily or permanently. reminder to self: things are only as valuable as i think they are. right now, i guess my main focuses should be research, the date, getting back on track, friends, and judo if there is time.

should also probably mention that singapore won an olympic gold medal. i'm happy that it was won by a local athlete, and not a foreign import. at the same time, there's an irrational spike of negativity. i've identified it as jealousy, but even that is not quite accurate. it's not like i think i can swim my way to a gold medal, so i know that i am most definitely not deserving of olympic gold. but i think it's getting a bit over-hyped for my liking. maybe i'm just upset that i can't ever represent singapore at such a high level...not even as an official, with the way the federation is killing the sport. anyway. i suppose find it kind of unfair that a few minutes in the pool can bring so much fame and fortune. but then, i shouldn't forget the sacrifices made, or the hours put in behind the scenes just to ensure peak performance in those few minutes. there's a whole other story about how the athlete's family is rich, and able to send him for overseas training. that opens up another whole debate about how money can grow talent, but let's save that for a future post. right now, i guess the sacrifices have paid off, and singapore is happy on a whole. i guess that overall, it's positive for the country, though there have been some reports of attempts to grab credit already, barely 48 hours after the historic moment. well...like all things, this will eventually die down. although i'm hoping for an interesting phenomenon to occur. about 50 years ago, people said that it was impossible to run a mile in under 4 minutes. but when roger bannister accomplished the feat, the effect was like opening a door and making something that seemed impossible suddenly appear within reach. by that logic, hopefully singapore will produce more local-born gold medalists in future. and perhaps maybe, that will start with the sports council cleaning up the NSAs.

well...i hope that this coming week will be the week that things take a turn for the better. have to get back on track with the diet/exercise plan. yes, i admit that i've slackened off due to QE and poster. am looking at the NUS utown gym for the time being, since my friend gyms there pretty regularly. will need to make some changes to the schedule, but i think it shouldn't be a problem. and now that the semester has started, i've got to take care of an honours student. he's been pretty good so far, but i really hope his reaction works. funny how that when things are all laid out in front of me like that, they don't seem as insurmountable as they were in my head. let's take things a step at a time, and see if everything falls into place.

-random thought of the day: Change must be initiated from within. First change that I hope to initiate...be genuinely happy for people who get what they deserve.-

My sleep schedule has been kind of messed up these past few weeks. not sure whether it's just due to the increased travelling time, but i'm getting back later, and sleeping later as a result. i think it's also partially due to timing, but i'll get to that later. before everything else, i want to highlight two extremely positive days in the past weeks.

day 1 was this past saturday, where the date and i had a picnic dinner. i cooked, as usual. was a bit reluctant to after the horrible egg poisoning episode, but decided to go ahead anyway. made the usual kimchi pasta (less bacon this time), and a small portion of mushroom risotto, which is another dish i'm familiar with. haven't made it in a while, but things worked out well. note: adding lemon zest was a good idea, but it has to be sliced/grated finer next time. also made a variation of the pasta for the mother (using mushrooms instead of bacon), but i'd forgotten that she was overseas. the date had it for lunch the next day, and said that it tasted good, too. we had a nice night walking around the singapore flyer and marina square area, where we called in at the cookie museum (the date wanted to buy cookies for an office function, and bought me a tin as a surprise) and at a sweet shop (the date went a bit crazy buying sweets, and i got ginger bits coated in dark chocolate). there was plenty of walking too, as the date had just downloaded pokemon go at that time. i downloaded it the next day, and have been playing it on a very very casual basis. i guess why this date was positive was because we got to spend plenty of time together, and enjoyed ourselves without breaking the bank. maybe i should cook more often?

the second positive day was national day, where the date didn't want to go out with me. the mother had just come back from overseas, and the date wanted to spend time with her. i decided to spend time with my favourite aunt and uncle, both of whom i last saw around chinese new year. we had a nice day together, going to visit my other aunt in the hospital, having lunch together, and going back to their place to play with my cousin's dog.

let's break this down into their individual parts, starting with the hospital visit. the aunt was hospitalized due to suffering a stroke about a week ago. she had gone to the casinos at genting with her boyfriend(?), and had won a not-small sum of money. due to the excitement, she barely slept for 3 days, and eventually collapsed in the hotel room. luckily she was discovered in time, and rushed to the hospital, then subsequently back to singapore. thankfully, the stroke wasn't a serious one. she can still move her left side, though her limbs are weak and can't feel much. the doctors are giving her a course of physiotherapy, and upon sufficient recovery, i think she's going to see an acupuncture master to speed up the process. this ordeal somehow made her convert to christianity, which i feel neutral about. just surprised at how a life-threatening incident can change people's perspectives. my other aunt says that her (the hospitalized aunt's) boyfriend has been almost constantly by her side. the weird thing is that i remember being told that he wasn't a good guy. they were dating about 20 years ago, when i was a kid. in fact, i have a vague memory of them taking me along for one of their dates at east coast park one night. but shortly after then, i think he cheated her of some money, and they broke it off. i was quite surprised to see him, and even more surprised to see how much he'd changed. back then, we nicknamed him "broccoli" because he had permed hair. today, he's like a regular uncle...neat hairstyle, mild-mannered. wouldn't recognize him if i passed him on the street. i know that some people still don't quite trust him fully. to be honest, i do have my own reservations. but well, it's not my business.

spending the afternoon playing with my cousin's dog was nice. he's only about 9 months old, but really big. and really smart, too! guess that's to be expected from a golden retriever. could use a bit more training, but then he's still young. as much as i like him, i think that my cousin was a bit impulsive in getting him. since he's working, the main burden of caring for the dog falls on my uncle and aunt...which is unfair, i think. you can't just be there for the good things, like playing with the dog, while ignoring the less savoury parts of pet care, like feeding, walks, cleaning up. i'm increasingly thinking that i'm not ready to be a pet owner. i enjoy interaction with other beings, but not all the time. and certainly not if the other being is almost entirely dependent on me. that's also why i never want kids. i'm happy that the date is independent enough to want alone time, and not insist that we're together 24/7. if anything, i'm the more clingy one in this relationship.

apart from those events, i think the real prize was getting to spend time with my aunt and uncle. i get along really well with them, better than i do with some people i'm living together with. in fact, i was somewhat considering introducing the date to them first. but that's a really ridiculously big step, and i think the date might have reservations. even i have reservations about that myself! well...i'm sure that if it's meant to happen, there will be a proper time and place. never hurt to try and create one, though i should remind myself that forcing it will most probably not end well.

for some reason, i've been suffering from inertia recently. like, my driving force is getting weaker. some days, it almost feels like too much trouble just to get out of bed. i guess i'm overdue for a holiday. but now that the semester's starting, it seems i'll have to wait until december. will talk more about that and a few other issues in another post later tonight. right now, i have to shower and pick the date up. it's a regular saturday date, and i'm looking forward to it.

-random thought of the day: Reminder to finish the second half of this post!-

QE is over! that's just one of the many things that's happened this week. among all of them that are relevant to me, i think that that is by far the best. other things, like the whole mess about NUS orientation, and some issues i have with the contractor, are much less positive.

before i launch into all that, i just want to tell you about the bad decision i made. it involves money, and not too large a sum, which is a blessing. so the long story short version is that i wanted to get some items. i did my homework, found 3 possible sources - carousell, one independent online shop, and ebay. sent enquiries to the first 2, but didn't receive any response after about 5 days. so i proceeded to order the items off ebay, even though it was the most expensive option because the items had to be shipped in. after i had placed the order, the online shop people emailed me to say that they had what i wanted in stock. unfortunately, it was too late to cancel the ebay order, so i made a loss of about $50. even then, ebay didn't have some of the stuff i wanted, so i continued the purchase (less the ebay items) with the online shop people. it was another few days of radio silence, which was finally broken by an email at 2am requesting a meetup at 12pm on the same day (ie. 10 hours later) at farrer park mrt. that's rather last-minute, no? i replied them the next morning when i saw the email and told them that i had already planned my day, and wouldn't be available. also asked if they would be willing to travel a bit further, to bishan since i would be there to clean up a bit in the old house. they declined, which is perfectly within their rights. at the same time, given their last-minute everything, i think it would be nice if they had offered some sort of way to make it up. finally, nothing went through, and i'm looking for alternate sources. it seems to me that they don't know how to do business properly, or capture customer loyalty. to me, prompt replies are a basic requirement. even if we use the civil service standard of 3 working days, they couldn't even meet that. so sad! well, maybe it's a sideline and they don't need the income. regardless, i don't think i'll be looking to them for anything else. and i'm not deluded enough to believe that i have sufficient influence to shut them down, nor do i believe that them not having my business will result in catastrophe for them. it all depends, doesn't it? whoever is more desperate (the seller to sell the items, or the buyer to acquire the items) will suffer the greater loss. seems like that's a common theme in life.

ok. now for more recent events. biggest thing is that the QE is over. i've agonized over it for the past month or so, writing the report and preparing the slides. thankfully, my professor was supportive all the way, yet firm and honest enough to tell me the truth, harsh as it may have been at times. the presentation itself went smoothly for the most part, except that i forgot to make one change to some chemical structures. that was the only thing that didn't go so well. sucks how a mistake still slips through after checking, double-checking, and triple-checking. the Q&A was a little bumpy, with the examiners attacking an observation that is observed empirically, but unaccountable by common scientific knowledge. i'm grateful that one of the examiners was objective enough to acknowledge that nobody knows how this phenomenon happened, so i got away with that one. at the AAR with my professor, i told him the examiners' feedback, and he said that it wasn't as bad as i thought it was. that's a good sign, and i think i have more or less passed. we also aligned our views on the project, and i have a plan of action for the next few months. things are looking good for research, and i'm happy.

if you've been following the news in the last week or so, you'll know that NUS is in the spotlight for inappropriate activities that were carried out during some orientation camps. while i'm way way past the orientation stage, it does concern me (rather distantly) because after all, i'm still studying there. personally, i have no love for orientation camps. i didn't attend any of them when i was a freshman, and still turned out none the worse for wear. admittedly, it's because the right people befriended me midway through our course of study, and i'm beyond grateful for that. to be honest, i don't really see the need for orientation camps. you don't have to attend a camp to make friends. for chemistry at least, there are many many avenues, such as lab class or tutorials. and let's not forget, there are bound to be previous friendships carried over from secondary school/JC/poly/army. it's not as if you're entering a completely foreign land! and there will be some introverts and extroverts, not everyone is shy and new and needs camps to break the ice. even if an introvert goes for camp, s/he will take some time to warm up to others right? having said that, i do see why people may like camps. gives them the chance to bond. as i've mentioned long ago, the best way to bond people is to keep them together for a few days. and some friendships may carry on long after graduation. so, fine. camps are optional anyway, so it's not like all undergrads are being forced to go.

but the issue here isn't whether camps are good/bad, necessary/unnecessary. it's some of the activities held during some of those camps that are objectionable. a lot of it is rather crude, i guess. someone on my facebook posted that sex-related humour is the lowest kind of humour, because it's brainless and crude. of course, there's a time and place even for that, but orientation camp definitely isn't it. i get the psychology of making freshmen uncomfortable, because i think a group bonds better when everyone is somewhat vulnerable. and it can provide many funny memories. some vulnerability is fine, though this went way too far. some of the participants may have had traumatic experiences before, or have confidence/body image issues. personally, if i had went for camps and was requested/made to do stuff like that, i'd refuse. if there was too much peer pressure, i'd just quit the camp. sure, that may result in some degree of ostracism, but well...i don't think i'd care. not like it hasn't happened before, but eventually, the right people will see me for who i am. and yes, i know not everyone can face it like i would. so...i don't know. not sure if there's a satisfactory resolution to this whole mess. but if i were NUS, i'd restructure it such that there are less games and no night activities. after all, orientation is supposed to be for freshmen to know the school system, facilities, and obtain other necessary info that will help them in their degree course right? if they want games, do it while not under the school's banner. at the same time freshmen should be braver to speak up. if you don't speak up for yourself, who else can you rely on to speak up for you?

in the last post, i mentioned my mistake with the bed and wall switch. the contractor has been in, and relocated the switch for me so that it's more accessible now. unfortunately, the relocation involved hacking of the wall, which generated a lot of cement dust. the bed was unaffected, as i think they covered it before work. my computer table was not so lucky. i had requested that they cover it too, and the main contractor agreed. but when i got home, there was a layer of dust on the table, as well as my monitors and everything on it. i think there was a miscommunication somewhere, or the workers forgot, or they didn't care. i am rather upset, because i had cleaned everything prior to that with the reassurance that they would be covered. and no, i'm pretty sure that the dust wasn't left over after they removed the cover. the distribution is far too even. plus there were some cement chips on the table as well. i will be having words with the contractor about this. it seems like i'll have to shut everything down, unplug and give everything a thorough cleaning, including the space under the table. so annoying.

well, i guess that'll do for now. i've got about 45 minutes before i have to shower and get ready for tonight's date. think i might do a few missions in arkham knight, or maybe just rot the time away. either way, it looks to be a nice relaxing saturday afternoon.

-random thought of the day: Back to routine work next week.-

Hello from sengkang! this post is kind of overdue in a way, because it's been around a week since i've started operating out of the new flat. my season parking has been transferred, almost everything from bishan that i own has been shifted over and unpacked. i must say, the overhead cabinets were a pretty good idea. they don't look very big, but they're surprisingly spacious. then again, it might be because my perspective is off, as they are at or above my eye level.

after a week of living in sengkang, i've more or less explored the big landmarks. the eating house has about 7 stalls, with decent variety. price is a bit steep compared to the hawker centre at bishan, and i honestly can't figure out why. the food isn't better, nor is the location. actually...maybe that's it. they have to charge more per sale to make up for reduced sale volume. or maybe it's because they're the most convenient nearby place. who knows? i've also taken a walk to rivervale mall, which is the nearest shopping mall. it's...small. 3 storeys, with the third completely taken up by NTUC supermarket. the variety of produce this NTUC has is somewhat less than both NTUCs in bishan. nevertheless, i think i should be able to find most of my most commonly-used ingredients. as i was telling the date and mother, my biggest impressions of the mall are tuition centres and hairdressers. there was a stationery shop, the usual fast food, food court, florist, laundry, provision shop, and convenience store. plus the usual kiosks that sell all sorts of things, from bak kwa to liang cha. am rather interested to try out the conveyor belt sushi restaurant. the name eludes me at the moment, but i think it's a fairly decent chain. the interesting thing about the mall is that season parking is selling for $107 a month. come december, that'll be cheaper than my HDB season parking. i wonder how feasible it would be to park at the mall every day and walk home?

went to explore public transport yesterday, while going to meet a carousell seller. the LRT station is next to rivervale mall, so it's about a 10-minute walk too. it's 2 stops (about 3-5 minutes) to sengkang MRT/bus interchange, which they've called sengkang integrated transport hub. the LRT frequency is fairly good, only thing is that you've got to be careful in watching the direction of the train. there are 2 loops, west and east, with sengkang MRT in the middle...sort of like a figure 8. so taking the wrong loop won't get you to your destination, i think. or if it does, it'll take much longer. and let's not forget that the train travels both directions in each loop, making it a 1 in 4 chance that you get the correct train if you randomly hop on the first train that arrives. it's not really that confusing, actually. just have to take some time to read the signs and maps. as for buses, there's a feeder service to my place. good to know in case i'm ever caught in impossibly heavy rain without the car. aside from that, there's 156 (a very familiar number), as well as 86 (which i've seen before). for driving, i'm still learning the small roads. trying to figure out how to exit the KPE and use buangkok drive. also have to memorize the route to the nearest SPC. only been there once, and received excellent service. that's an uplifting sign if there ever was one.

the moving itself is basically done. i've more or less finished unpacking, but am still not 100% settled into my room yet. reason being the contractor is coming in to do a bit more work (relocating a switch). it's a bit extra, actually. right now, the switch is being blocked by my bed. how did this happen? because the contractor recommended a shorter height for that particular switch because she thought i might have difficulty reaching a standard-height switch while lying down. and i agreed to having it lower. then i bought the bed, which has a part against the wall, and happens to block the shorter switches. wouldn't have had this trouble if i'd gone for standard height from the start. and ues, it's my fault, because i agreed to the lower height, and forgot about it while buying the bed. well, at least it can be rectified.

let's see...i have to get some black paint, new pots and pans, and another pillow. will fit that in during the week, i think. for now, i need to sleep. have a meeting with my professor to discuss my QE slides tomorrow. am mildly nervous, but it should be ok. and i'm meeting some carousell buyers at night as well. oh! i still have to tell you about my bad decision. all that and more in the next post, i guess!

-random thought of the day: Send pants for alteration.-

Came in a bit early to blog in peace and quiet. the past week has been more or less a blur...got several things done, which i'm rather happy about, and had a few not-good moments too. i think i'll do chronological as best as i can, before talking about some stuff that really bugged me.

last update was thursday, where i wrote that i was falling sick. true enough, i was more or less bedridden for the whole of friday. total waste of a day! was hoping that i'd be well enough to sort out some stuff at the new place, but it wasn't to be. well...no harm done. got things sorted out on saturday instead, when the contractors came down to finish up some work to the house. it's still rather messy; most of the stuff is still in boxes and trash bags. been meaning to get a step-ladder to help with putting stuff away, since the top shelf of my cabinet is way above eye level. you would NOT believe how difficult it is to find a suitable step-ladder. well, it's not that difficult, actually. most hardware stores do sell them...at ridiculous prices. $99 was the cheapest one i saw, and i think that was the price after discount or offer or something. the most expensive one i saw was going for about $3xx. that's about 5 times beyond my budget. seriously! i was expecting to pay about $60 maximum. turning to carousell turned up some low-priced alternatives, but most of them don't have ready stock. well...it's that old joke about fast, cheap, good, choose two.

also on saturday, i met up with my friend, who's back from the US for his annual visit home. he's back for a shorter period this time, like a month total, of which two weeks have passed already. this visit is a little different too, since he brought his girlfriend back! she's american, and extremely nice. a little shy, though, but i guess i can understand that, being so far away from home and in an unfamiliar environment. i quite like her! my friend says the key to get her to open up to you is to get drunk with her. while i don't doubt what he says, getting drunk isn't my thing. i had wanted them (or my friend, at least) to meet the date, but i'm not sure if that will materialize. we still have about 2 more weeks to go before they fly, so anything can happen, i guess. we had dinner at thomson plaza, where i bought computer stuff for my new room, and then hung out at his place, where we watched deadpool (my first time watching it). movie was pretty nice, though the story itself was rather short/simple. classic origin story with love interest, chase down bad guy, epic battle, ending. what set this movie apart to me is that it was more..."real", i guess. yes, i know that big steel man and missile girl aren't exactly real, nor is healing factor, but mutant stuff aside, it seems like it could happen to anyone. guy gets cancer, seeks treatment, all that stuff. my overall rating is that i'd see it in the cinema once, maybe twice. that's a rather high rating, i think.

sunday was a busy busy day! went down for the chemistry commencement, where the honours students received their bachelors degrees, and one of the chemistry friends received his masters, while another received his phd. we were also discussing when it'd be our turn to be on stage. don't know about the others, but it'll be a while yet for me. as it is, i'm currently more concerned about the QE that's coming up in a couple of weeks. lucky my professor thinks that my data is sufficient. following the commencement, two friends and i went down to chara expo, to support one of our other friends. ticket prices went up compared to last year. we stayed for a bit more than an hour i think. watched 3 matches of japanese professional wrestling, which i thought was nice. no really high-flying or big impact moves, but then again, it's a small crowd. was a bit disappointed at the lack of atmosphere, though. i think singaporeans are just shy by nature. chanting of wrestlers' names lasted for less than 30 seconds in general, and it just felt un-lively, i guess. but then, my standard of reference is WWE, which is perhaps not a very fair comparison. at chara expo, i also got some card game merchandise, like a deck box, card sleeves, and this hard box/protector thing for the single ruler card. so with this investment, it looks like i'm going to start force of will soon. a bit of sunday night was spent bowling with the US friend, car fanatic friend, and their girlfriends. the date wasn't feeling good, otherwise i would have extended the invitation. didn't go below 100 for both games i played, which is a relief. also didn't want to exert too much as i had been sick a few days before. all in all, a nice experience.

from monday to wednesday, i've been going to the new house after school to set stuff up. my computer is 90% ready (need two more cables for the speakers), i've been buying stuff that i'll need (dustbin, power bars, mounting tape). still have to get a fan/air circulator (they're way more expensive than i thought), and i'm sure there's some other miscellaneous stuff which i'm forgetting right now. most importantly, i really need to clean up! the bed is due for delivery tomorrow, and there's not enough open floor space for it right now. tomorrow morning will probably be spent cleaning and (un)packing, hopefully with the help of the step ladder which i've just arranged to buy on carousell. collection is tomorrow morning, so i hope that goes smoothly. thankfully, the date has been extremely sharp in looking out for things that i've missed, and in providing amazing advice on colour matching.

had two dates, one each on wednesday and today. yes, with the same person as the past 20-odd dates, don't get any wild ideas. the date had been going through some physical discomfort for the past few days, so i made some ramen eggs for them and the mother. i was beyond mortified to learn that the eggs gave both of them upset stomachs the following day. i don't understand it. this is one of the recipes that i'm most familiar with, and i can even do it from memory. more importantly, i made extra eggs and ate a few just after cooking them, partially because i was hungry then, but more because i am responsible and wouldn't give other people food without trying it myself first. i was perfectly fine! no complaints at all, except that i think i got the sauce/marinade wrong. tasted too diluted. what's even more mystifying is that i've made it for the date and mother before, when we had a ramen night a few months ago. regardless, i am rather convinced that it's because of the eggs, perhaps in terms of their quality. guess i won't be making them for the date for a while. the one small bright spot is that both the date and mother have been very nice about the whole issue. it's reassuring, i guess, and makes me feel a little less bad. of course, i wouldn't have given them anything which i didn't feel was safe. but no matter what, knowing that you caused someone you care about to suffer doesn't feel good in the slightest.

now to talk about a couple of things that stood out in my brain for the past week. the first is moving, while the second is traffic-related. let's do #2 first, since it's shorter. so the date and i went out for dinner yesterday. as is customary, i'd pick them up from their office before we'd go to our destination, which is usually westgate/jem. on the way there, there's this roundabout that we have to exit. it also happens to be a popular place for office workers to cross the road on the way to the MRT station. so, as i was turning off at that exit, an angry-looking guy (russian, i think) gestured at the front corner of the car. thinking that something was wrong, or that there was some damage, i wound down the window and asked him what's going on. he replied with what i heard as, "turn on your indicator, or someone will chop your hand off". the date heard it as, "turn on your indicator; did someone chop your hand off?" either way, he was saying that my turn signal wasn't on. it's really murphy's law or something. i'm normally a stickler for turn signals. the ONE TIME i slip up and forget, someone makes a fuss of it. to be honest, i didn't even realize i'd forgotten. i was just listening to the date and following the car in front. at that point, i was still rather in shock, so i wound the window up and drove off. after a while, it occurred to me that if i were to be VERY technical, that guy was more in the wrong than i was, as it was not a legal pedestrian crossing. but well...it's a minor thing. the date thought i was angry, because it seems that i sounded hostile when i asked what the matter was. i just raised my voice because i had to speak to him through the passenger-side window. i think the date has a bit of preconceived notion that i am quick to anger and pick a fight, and is thus a bit more sensitive when i show signs of what they perceive as aggression. i think that that's not entirely true. or it may be, but just not to the extent that the date thinks. i won't flare up after a one-sentence exchange (unless that sentence was insulting or derogatory), but as i've said countless times before, i will suck it up and take the abuse if i am in the wrong, like in this case. the thing that bugs me about this incident in particular is that the other guy was in the wrong more so than i was, and so didn't have the moral high ground to reprimand me. not saying his criticism is wrong, but perhaps not as justified. after all, the whole incident could have been avoided if he had crossed at a proper crossing...or if i had signalled. ah whatever. not a big deal.

it kind of makes me think a bit. if it had been a singaporean, i think there wouldn't have been an altercation at all. singaporeans have been trained from young to be meek and defer to authority. sometimes, actual authority isn't even required. all someone has to do is turn slightly aggressive, and chances are the opponent will back down. this meekness is good, i guess, for the government. after all, when was the last time you heard of a protest in singapore? and no, hong lim park doesn't count. not when protests there have to have a police permit. a protest that is allowed by the government isn't really a protest at all, is it? i'm thinking of something like the umbrella movement in hong kong, or strikes in some european countries. but no...here in singapore, we just go with whatever new policy comes up, no matter how stupid or unfair we think it is. just look at the recent parking fee hike. as an opposition politician mentioned, costs are going up to be more in line with the rest of the world...but wages aren't. despite the numerous drivers, the most solid thing i've seen anyone do is...complain online. most singaporeans are powerful when hiding behind a keyboard, not so much when it comes to defending their views or attacking their opponents in person. the date encounters this regularly in the course of work as well. i think i used to be like that, but now i just keep my opinions to myself and don't say anything unless i can back it up, or if it's my interpretation of things. personal thoughts and opinions aren't wrong, fundamentally...freedom to believe whatever you want and all that.

talking about carpark charges, it seems that i may end up paying more. since there are 2 cars in the house, the second car is liable to pay increased parking fees. also, the new carpark is sheltered, so while it's good that the car won't be baking in the sun, it naturally comes with an increase in parking costs. with all that, i'll be paying either $110 or $120 per month, depending on how the first and second cars are defined. almost makes me want to park in school! season parking is $35 per month, which is about 25% of the new rate. but the thing is, it wouldn't work...unless i took public transport every day and only drove on weekends. but then, what's the point of having a car if i do that, right?

last point about moving. i still have somewhat mixed feelings about it. thankfully, these mixed feelings are more positive than negative. it's quite exciting to move out of someplace that you've seen/been your entire life. i've bee alive for about 27 years and 9 months. assuming i spent 3 months every year at my cousin's house from the ages of 5 to 18 (19 years), plus assorted camps, overseas trips, and overnight stays and whatever else that adds up to approximately another 9 months, i would have lived in that house for...21 years and 8 months, thereabouts. i'm really not sure if i'll stay so long in a single place again. in another country, i guess it would be possible, but in singapore, i don't know if i'll be able to afford my own place by the time i turn 40. i suppose i'd better start saving now. as i don't plan to get married, the earliest age at which i can buy a HDB flat is 35, which is 7-ish years away. or there's no minimum age if i get a condo or other private housing, though the price difference is amazing in itself. but well...i suppose that if a house (or the money needed to buy a house) would fall into my lap, i'd die. but more importantly, i could see myself living there for the rest of my life, provided there are no external factors forcing me out.

along with the excitement of moving out, there's the excitement of moving in. sengkang seems like a pretty nice neighbourhood so far, and compared to the bishan house, amenities are much nearer. like, there's an eating house and minimart like 3 minutes away on foot (much closer than in bishan), while the nearest shopping mall is about a 10-minute walk, similar to j8. public transport is a bit more of a hassle, since the nearest train network is the LRT. for drivers, however, it's really convenient. the TPE is literally around the corner, and that connects to the CTE, PIE, SLE, among other things. would be nice if i could have a car all the way, though i'm not optimistic after the COE expires. and of course, there's my room! no doubt it's smaller than the old room, but i actually like it. lesser area to clean. plus, i realize that if you make use of the 3D space, there is actually enough room to fit everything in. and also, the smaller room really gave me the motivation to throw lots of stuff away. like my primary school uniforms (goodness knows why we still had those), old trinkets, bits and pieces that young me thought were priceless and of immense sentimental value. older me has had a paradigm shift, and now thinks that they are literally priceless, ie. $0 in value. most of them have been trashed, which i guess is a good thing. after all, some of the things represented friendships from a past era. i don't even talk to some of those people today. the trash frenzy was also fuelled partially by my old coach. in the event i have to move often, i really don't want to drag a boatload of boxes along each time, along with all the accumulated dust.

of course, there's some sadness, too. bishan will always be my first home, and there are many memories, both good and bad, associated with it. more specifically, to the house. no doubt there will be horrible recollections of the numerous times i was made to stand against the wall, or when i got caned. but there are also good memories, like long daily phone calls with my cousin, going down to the playground, learning to cook, spending afternoons with my (late) grandparents, and about 10 really festive/enjoyable chinese new years.

but looking forward, i guess i can always come back and reminisce. don't think i'll be forgetting the way back anytime soon, if ever. i guess the more pressing thing for me to do is to get acclimatized to my new surroundings...find out where everything is, alternate routes to and from places, gym/swimming pool (2.8km away based on google maps!), among other things. will have to figure out a plan to get to clarke quay for my usual early morning gym session, and figure out whether it's worth it to renew my membership there. even more pressing thing is to free up enough space for the bed, and sort out the issue with the switches. for more administrative things, i'll have to update my address on my IC, and with the banks and other organizations. not to mention changing my season parking. you know, it's quite stalker. i logged on to see how to change my season parking venue, and it seems that they already have the address there for me! all i have to do is confirm it and top up the difference. makes me wonder how they know, especially since my dad is the one handling all the paperwork. but well...less hassle. i think i'll make the switch tomorrow. it should be instantaneous.

i must admit, i'm a bit nervous at the thought of moving. i guess it's the nervous energy/excitement. if all goes according to plan, tonight will be my last sleep in bishan. no doubt i'll still be shuttling between the two houses, but now it's more like my home base has changed. well...i guess we'll have to see how things go. i should have brought most of my stuff over, with a few slight exceptions. think i have to clear out a countertop, some books, and a couple more drawers. should be easily done by this weekend, if not next week at the latest.

-random thought of the day: Made a wrong decision just now.-

All things considered, there are worse times to fall sick than now, which i why i'm not complaining (too much) about the cold i just caught yesterday. QE is in another 2 weeks, there's no date this saturday, so it seems like i have plenty of time to recover, which is a blessing.

now, how did i even catch the cold in the first place? well if i had to guess, i'd say that it was due to helping my old coach move. over the past week, i've met up with him on about 5 different days, each time to either move stuff to the new place, and/or to help him unpack. now, i'm fine with helping people, even for ridiculous-sounding things like picking them up from the airport at 4:00am. if you are significant to me, i most definitely will do my best for you. that notwithstanding, there are times when i really can't help a person for whatever reason. for my old coach, that reason has become my health. for those not in the know, i have an allergy to dust mites. upon exposure, my nose will start to run, i will start sneezing, and if they get under my skin, there'll be a reaction. think mosquito bite, but bigger. anyway, i helped him with cleaning up his house yesterday, and i swear i'm not exaggerating when i say i know what five years of dust and trash looks like. ok...maybe not trash, since i know he threw stuff away now and then. but the dust...oh the horror. the white tile floor had literally turned dark grey! doesn't help that he smokes, so there was cigarette ash, too. it was fine while we were moving things, because we mainly shifted stuff onto the trolley and pushed it well below nose-level. on the other hand, cleaning requires stuff to be shaken out, causing dust to fly. and despite my best efforts to turn away and even to shield my nose, the allergy still triggered. was sneezing non-stop while we were cleaning. it got better when i stepped in the shower before meeting the date for dinner, but i woke up feeling horrible this morning. guess i'll take it easy tomorrow and see how things develop from there.

i kind of expect him to still ask for my help with the cleaning. to be frank, i think he doesn't really need me. all i did was to hold the trash bags while he threw stuff in, and take the filled bags to the collection point. all the heavy lifting is done, which also makes me think that my presence may not be essential. now comes the challenge...how do i say no nicely? i guess i'll just have to decline for health reasons and hope for the best. it actually also makes me wonder why he asked me to go over to do something that he could have easily done himself. i think he wants the company more than my help. you see, he's single and living alone. that kind of limits his social interaction already. i suppose it might get lonely, although i think i'd be ok with living alone as long as i had regular-ish interaction with my close friends and the date. perhaps that's it...i'm the one who's most readily available on-call. well...it's a bit of a dilemma. on one hand, i'm grateful for all the mentoring he's given me, and i do want to repay the debt. but then...to what extent should i go? my current thought is that i should do what i can as long as i can bear the inconvenience. so, things like the dust allergy trigger are out.

aside from that, things have also been kind of interesting. the date has been getting into this trading card game called force of will, and if you remember, i was open to giving it a try. we've been talking about card games from magic until now, and i think it's time that i really diverted some of my brain cells to sorting out my feelings towards the game so life can move on in whatever direction.

let's start with the most puzzling question to me: despite my previous bad experiences, why am i still so backside itchy to want to keep trying my hand at this sort of games? i think the date may have been on to something when they said that i subconsciously believe that i can play somewhat decently, but am making excuses for myself due to previous trauma from magic. you see, if i know that i'm no good at something (music and art being my go-to examples), i would not pursue them to any degree, and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. for instance, i can't play a song on any musical instrument at all, not even the recorder. the most music i do is sing karaoke, and badly at that. and it's perfectly fine to me. likewise, the prettiest thing i can draw is hexagons (thank you years of organic chem), and the occasional stick figure. but i have no desire to enroll in art school to improve my skill. i guess the difference is that for music and art, i know that i have no talent whatsoever. but for trading card games, i think i can do decently given the appropriate time/money/effort investment.

which leads to the next point...can i make that investment? or perhaps, a better question to ask would be, am i willing to make that investment? money-wise, i definitely have enough in reserve to spend on cards. it's just that how far am i willing to go? tens, hundreds, thousands? if you ask me now, i'd say the maximum i think i would spend on cards is...$200. considering the local community has been known to let some cards go for under a dollar, i think that's plenty. as for time, i don't want to go too deep into it. so, the most i will do is probably spend some time every weekend playing either with the date, or with other people at what is quickly becoming our hangout sot for cards. the date has said that it's ok if i take it slow anyway, so no big deal there. effort...i guess i could take time to read up, and if the date is going down with me, so much the better.

so i guess we've established that i don't really have physical barriers to entry for the game. so the only thing left is breaking down the mental barriers. i guess i've said it before, losing so badly to the date has kind of killed my interest for magic. if it's at all possible, i'd rather not have the same thing happen here. so far my playing experience has been positive, won one game against a mutual acquaintance using the date's deck. then again, the deck was well-built. if the cards had been switched, i don't know how things would have turned out. and that's an example of how i make excuses, according to the date. they said that i was smart enough to play with their deck immediately and win, so that counts for something. to me, i don't see what's the something that that counts for, but then again, i don't know the checkpoints. what i mean by that is that i don't know what is an achievement, or how to accurately measure my level. i do know that for judo, like beginners should be somewhat familiar with all the breakfalls by lesson 3, and perform them competently by about lesson 7. i don't have similar yardsticks. but well, i figure that i should know progress when i see it.

the most important barrier for me is that i don't want to play against the date. their playing style is something that i find to be quite annoying, and thus my fuse shortens drastically when i play with them. and when negative emotions set in, the relationship suffers. the date keeps telling me that it's just a game, and there will be winners and losers. i know that. just that it doesn't feel good to be losing all the time to the same person. maybe i've built the date's skills up too much in my head, creating a mental block. the only way i think i can break through is if i beat the date fair and square, no concessions. although once again, i don't know how long that will take, or if it's even possible. it's cycle. i think the date is too good, and that i can't win. and the only way for me to dispel that notion is, you guessed it, to win. ridiculous, i know.

we also talked about giving chance and moderating power. i realize that judo and magic (or card games in general) might not have been the best comparisons to make. in judo, if someone gets thrown, they stand up, and the match continues. it's a fast resolution. and of course, even though there is a score system, there is a way (well, technically 4 ways) to turn the tide and get an instant victory. not so much for card games. the loser will have to die, sometimes slowly and agonizingly, before a new game can be started. of course, there's conceding, but knowing my character, i wouldn't concede until i knew without doubt that i'd lose...which kind of defeats the whole time-saving thing that conceding is supposed to bring. i did watch the date play, and true enough, their power was modulated. just not enough, in my opinion. even when i used the cards, i knew that there was no way for our acquaintance to fight back based on her deck. in fact, i made several technical errors and still got away with them, meaning that it was an easy win, arrogant as it sounds. the thing is, the date's knowledge is so far above us that there is no realistic way that they can give chance...short of skipping alternate turns, i think. to put it in judo terms, i think the date is a blue or brown belt, and we are whites. the reason i don't say that the date is a black belt is because i think they don't have that fine control over their own power just yet. i just thought of something the date could do, and that is to handicap themselves in terms of the deck building. but i'm not about to suggest that, because it wouldn't do any good.

one interesting thing the date mentioned was that they had built a "soul deck", which reflects their personality the most. and when i casually asked about what cards they'd put in, they wouldn't tell me because it was too personal. bear in mind that this is the same person who told me that it's just a game, and not to think too much, or take things so seriously. i have horrible mixed signals. if it's just a game, then it shouldn't be something so secret and guarded, right? then again...i don't know. i'm trying my best to see it from the date's perspective, but i'm drawing blanks.i suppose if i REALLY desperately wanted to know what was in there, i could challenge them to a game, bite the bullet, and try to survive for as long as i can just to see the cards being used. but i'm not about to do that. would cause more harm to my mental state than it's worth. that might be the difference between me and the date. they pour their heart and soul into making a deck. i'm still messing around with interesting ideas with no clear goal in mind. maybe i might understand one day if i ever get around to building one of those. big big if there.

the last thing that makes me feel that i shouldn't play with the date is because it will bring imbalance to the relationship. you see, we're equals for most things. we take turns paying for meals, i drive the date around, they get me the odd gift here and there, i try to do the same but it somehow doesn't work out as well as when they do it...right now, i think we are at a pretty nice balance. but if i learn from them, or so called go under them as a student, it upsets everything because i'll be way out of my comfort zone, and they're still well in theirs. i thought that having the date step out and try something new (like judo) would re-balance it, but that idea was shot down. the date simply isn't interested. it's just rather frustrating, that i seem to be at a disadvantaged position as far as hobbies and interests go. yes, i know that nobody's forcing me to play, and that i'm not some great person making a sacrifice to accommodate the date. but i think that if i'm open to the idea of trying one of the date's hobbies, it would be nice if that was somehow reciprocated. not necessarily judo...maybe japanese? or bowling? or pool? or mahjong? thankfully i'm not a one-trick pony, so at least the date can choose. but it seems that they're not interested in anything else i do, unless it overlaps with their existing interests. i know that there's technically nothing wrong. yet, i can't help but feel that it's somehow unfair. and no, i don't plan to force the date to try anything. it's just that i wish they'd try something at least once before they dismissed it as not for them. but well...horses, water, drink, and all that.

so...i can't (and shouldn't) impose my opinion on the date. that means that i can only change my own thinking. if the date doesn't want to do something, fine. we can just spend time together, i guess. at the same time, i shouldn't kill my own fledgling interest in card games out of spite. just have to take things as they develop, and hope for the best.

-random thought of the day: Illness makes me susceptible to negative thoughts.-

Wanted to blog yesterday, but getting home at around 3:00am kind of ruined that. suppose it's better that i didn't blog then, since i've got additional stuff to talk about today.

this past week, i've submitted draft 1 of my QE report to my professor. he got back to me within 12 hours with some general feedback, one point of which was that my literature review is weak. i have to agree. i'm the kind of scientist that refers to papers for 2 reasons: to find out how to do a particular reaction, and to see if someone else has already published my idea. i'm not one to read papers for fun. so, i guess that i'm not at the cutting edge of my research area. to be fair, i don't think my professor expects us to know all the latest developments, but i don't think i can even meet his "normal" standard. should ask my seniors for tips and tricks.

other than that, he left some other (unintelligible) comments (he wrote directly on the file using his tablet and neither my friends nor i can decipher his scribbles), but he did say that he liked my future work section. so that's a plus. i think i prefer his style. he gives criticism where necessary, but balances it out with a positive comment. makes the blow softer, i think. well, it seems that i'll have to refine my report further. will give him a second draft on wednesday, probably. still have to finish compiling references and write the supplementary information. all in all, i'm feeling pretty good about things, time-wise. i've got about a month to go, which i think is plenty of time. oh...powerpoint, too. can't forget that. otherwise i'll have nothing to present on the big day.

apart from school, i've had multiple interactions with the date in the past few days. most of them were good, one (today's) was a little subdued. so...over the past week or so, the date has been bringing up the topic of magic. if you remember, that was the spark that triggered our last big argument in march. i'm not about to pick it up, especially after what went down that time. with that in mind, i think you might understand why i was less than enthusiastic when the date asked about it, and felt even worse when the date said that i was being obstinate for not giving it another chance. i don't think i'm exaggerating too much when i say that i have residual trauma as far as magic is concerned. and it seems to me that the date doesn't know how seriously i was affected by it. not to mention nice counsellor lady said to stay away from such triggers. but well...i'll come back to magic later.

my friend invited us (me, the date, a few more friends) to his place on saturday, where his wife cooked dinner for us. it's a running joke in our group that this particular friend is incurring bad karma for being a troll, and the only way for him to cancel out all that bad karma is to save the world. somehow, i think he did that and more, because he really lucked out marrying this girl. she is japanese, and nice almost to the point of beyond belief. we've met about...5 times or so total, and i rather enjoy interacting with her. side benefit is that it gives me a chance to practise some conversational japanese, though i must admit that i've lost most of my japanese linguistic ability. i hope that whatever little japanese i speak to her makes her feel more at home/at ease. anyway, we had an enjoyable time last night, with plenty of food, snacks, entertainment, gossip, and games. not to mention a spontaneous late-night karaoke session, too. that's why i got back so late.

during the gathering, my friend was playing buddy fight with the date, and also teaching them how to play vanguard, both of which are card games from his company. the date seemed to enjoy both games, although they have said that vanguard is too wordy and boring. anyway, i was splitting my attention between the gossip and the card game, so i did see how my friend taught the date about the game mechanics and all that. one of the reasons i am so turned off towards magic is because of my experience playing it with the date. during the game, the date would drop some hints, and if i didn't follow them, i would be destroyed. in fact, ignoring one of those hints basically led to me having to helplessly watch myself get decimated. yes, i think i still have negative feelings about that episode. anyway, i saw that as a good opportunity to explain my feelings to the date. you see, my friend teaches in a kinder manner, like he will explain his rationale, show the consequences of doing certain actions, even play open-hand and suggest the best possible move to make. it's very open and clear, which is like his character. in contrast, the date's teaching style is more of the "tough love" type, though i don't think "love" is appropriate to describe it. so i was saying that if i was the learner, i would very much prefer my friend's teaching style as compared to the date's. i think the date understood my point. at the same time, i can't really blame them. they told me that this "tough love" approach was how they learnt magic, and i was the first newbie that they taught. so naturally, they taught me the same way as they were taught. unfortunately, the difference is that unlike them, i am rather neutral/lukewarm towards and don't feel particular interested in card games, so that style of teaching really caused an adverse reaction.

seems like there are two ways how a person is taught affects their teaching style. the first is to just do as was done to you, which the date did. the second is to put yourself back in newbie shoes, and remember how that made you feel. in JC, i learnt judo through the "tough love" way too. every saturday training, black belt seniors would come in to spar with us...except that it was more like throwing practice for them, and breakfall practice for us. it sucked...getting thrown, standing up, and getting thrown again almost immediately. so, when it was my turn to teach juniors and spar with them, i remembered how horrible being thrown around felt, and moderated accordingly.

the other thing i felt that was different was the date's idea of moderation. the date did say that they weren't going all out. but if them going easy could still kill me, it means that they weren't going easy enough, and/or i really sucked that bad. the date did say that they didn't like to toy with their opponent, ie. giving them a slow torturous demise. and i agree. that's cruel. but that's how the date interprets "moderation". i interpret it to mean that you give your opponent a fighting chance for them to recover. think i mentioned it before, there was this incident where the date had twice or thrice my HP, and was afraid that if i got a creature in, they would die. it sounded ridiculous, and still sounds ridiculous to me. they cited self-defence as the reason for keeping me helpless. i respectfully disagreed, as i would need way more than one creature to overcome such high odds. in fact, the date could probably have passed on 3 turns and i wouldn't have finished building up the necessary firepower yet...simply because i am new and do not know how to synergize my cards.

up till now, i still don't quite understand why the date played to win. i'm not saying that it's wrong; it's perfectly legal. but from my perspective, i think a win would mean so much more to me than them. since they have played so often against other people, wins and losses are kind of part and parcel of the game for them already. but in my eyes, a win would have helped to boost my confidence, as well as increase my receptiveness to and interest in the game. i think that part of being a good teacher is cultivating and maintaining your students' interest. and making me feel helpless by not allowing me to do anything productive is basically killing any interest and good feelings that i may have had for the game. think about it...would anyone believe that a fresh newbie won by his own skill? if a white belt could throw a black belt, there is a high chance that the latter let the throw happen. and in the same way, the loss shouldn't mean anything to the black belt, because everyone watching knows who was really in control. and to the white belt, although he knows in the back of his mind that his win wasn't real, he still feels good because there's a sense of accomplishment. of course let's not forget the relationship between the players. if it had been anyone else, sure. i think i could have handled it. but in this case, my opponent and i are more than friends. i don't think it's unreasonable to expect some degree of special treatment. and the feeling of getting beat into the ground by someone who is supposed to care for you really sucks. i should know. the date keeps saying that it's just a game. but it's more to me. it's the way that they handled the situation that makes it hard for me to let go, because it feels like i'm just another person, and not special to them, i guess. and to make it worse, the date has told me that they show their feelings through their actions. so it was rather confusing as to what my take-home message was supposed to be.

wow...looks like i still have a lot of magic demons to exorcise. perhaps that's why there's a slight twinge of displeasure when the date brings magic up, and even more so when they suggest that i should try playing again. i don't know what to do, actually. my logical side is telling me to never pick up magic ever again, regardless of whether the date offers to buy me cards, or offers to go easy (both of which they have done). but my heart tells me to maybe consider it to make the date happy. at the same time, there is a risk that if things don't go well again, it could well and truly end the relationship. that's a bit too high of a stake for me. i guess that i'll have to find some way to deal with it within myself, and also to communicate to the date that magic is really a no-go for the foreseeable future. i wonder if it would help if i learnt magic from another source. like a newbie group, or apparently there's a steam version of the game. well, whatever method, as long as it's not playing with the date. but upon further thought, no. let's not tempt fate.

although magic is a rather big minefield, there seems to be an alternative. the date is getting into this game called force of will. it's another trading card game, and we're both new to it. so the date wants us to pick it up together. i'm a little less reluctant to play this, mainly because it's not magic. the date doesn't understand why this is so. they keep saying that after all, both are card games. two words: magic trauma. of course, even with force of will, it's not a completely even playing field; the date still has the advantage from previous knowledge and experience with this kind of games. admittedly, i could read up and all that...but nah. i don't see myself as much of a trading card game person. well...i just hope that the date will remember the lessons from the magic experience. and more importantly, i hope that i will remember my lessons, too.

force of will was actually another point of debate between us. not the game itself, but the amount that the date has been spending on the cards. that, and other expenses too. here's the thing. i have no right to interfere in how the date spends money, because the money's not mine, and our finances are separate. it's just that the date's spending has been rather astronomical recently. they bought 2 phones in 2 weeks, a box of force of will booster packs on friday plus some singles today (i was quite unhappy about the latter), had an emergency dental procedure on monday, and paid for the karaoke yesterday. that comes up to a grand total of more than half my monthly pay spent in half the time i get paid! i use my pay instead of theirs as a benchmark to show how frightening it really is, because the date has told me that i earn more. it's really scary. no doubt they plan on selling one of the phones, but until it's been sold, it's still considered as an expense. what's even worse is that the date needs to have an even bigger dental procedure done, which basically costs close to whatever they spent over the last 2 weeks. call me old-fashioned or conservative or whatever, but if there was that much money lying around, i would have solved the dental problem first, since it would alleviate the discomfort. material stuff like cards and phones can wait, especially since they were just launched! they wouldn't be going anywhere soon. i know that i'm not a paragon of thrift (i have my own frivolous expenses as well, like pens) and am in not much position to lecture the date...but i don't go through so much money so fast! the bed is an exception because it's a necessity and will last me a long time anyway. it's both frustrating and worrying, you know? to me, it seems like the date's priorities are messed up. but well...i can't really do anything except make my perspective known. whether the date takes my advice or not is their prerogative. and also perhaps i'm not being fair, because i don't see the value in trading cards, thus once again proving that things only have as much value as you ascribe to them. i wouldn't spend anything on cards at all, so they're essentially worthless to me.

right. i guess that'll do for now. i know it seems like there's a lot of bad stuff, but most (ok, all) of it is my own internal struggle with various things. i have no idea why that damned card game continues to affect me, even after talking about it multiple times with the date, some friends, and even the counsellor, too. am i seeking a resolution? even if i was, what kind of resolution could i possibly hope for? for the date to let me win? i'm 90% sure that they wouldn't do it, no matter how nicely or how much i asked. so no point. how can i shake this feeling off? i guess by focusing on the positives, that the date gets along well with my friends, and everyone seems to like each other. also that i have a good support network, in the form of my chemistry friends, secondary school friends, and in a worst-case scenario, nice counsellor lady. at the end of the day, i have to remind myself that i'll be fine.

-random thought of the day: Resigned from the SJF! Elaboration to come.-

Second post of the day! that hasn't happened in a while. figured that i'd quickly talk about my day, then go to bed.

aside from the fatigue, i'm feeling quite proud/accomplished that all my planning worked out well today. didn't forget a single thing! withdrew money and got my hair cut at thomson plaza (the stylist cut it a little too short i think), then had a quick workout (nothing special here), followed by the wedding lunch. it's the first time i attended a lunch reception instead of the more common wedding dinner. still, it wasn't that different. the bride and groom had 2 march-ins, videos were screened, there was cutting of the wedding cake, pouring of champagne, cross-arm toast, and several speeches, all while an 8-course meal was being served. very typical of a chinese wedding dinner, just that in this case, it was brought forward by about 7 hours. i think wedding lunches are a good idea! eating earlier means that the guests don't fall asleep too soon after stuffing themselves. plus, since it's midday, people tend to drink less alcohol. of course, "tend to" is the operative word. the wine stocks were still wiped out, from what i heard. i hope this trend catches on. lunch slots are cheaper than dinner ones, right?

the wedding itself was lovely. food was good, the atmosphere was appropriately touching and entertaining at the right times. the only complaint i have is about the waiter for our table. he seemed to be in his late teens or early 20s, and doing this for some extra money. while he wasn't outright sucky (not to the point of spilling or dropping anything), he was slightly clumsy. and forgetful. each time my friend and i ordered different drinks, he would inadvertently mix them up. i don't think it'd be too difficult to remember who ordered water and who ordered wine, right? regardless, i guess he was trying his best as well. might be his first event, for all i know.

lunch lasted until about 4:00pm, and i went back to school to pick up some sweets that my taiwanese friend bought for me and the date. then went to the date's place to change, after which we headed to the furniture mall for bed shopping. we parked at IMM, which has ridiculous(ly cheap) parking! first 2 hours free, $1.07 for third hour, 30 cents per 15 minutes after that. very very reasonable; averages out to 30 cents per hour for the first 3 hours. we went to 3 shops in the furniture mall. the first was dunlopillo, where a nice saleslady took the time to explain everything to us. i tried some of their mattresses, and they were pretty comfortable. was quite taken by the ones with a latex top layer. it's supposed to be the most cooling and breathable one...as well as the most expensive. was quite happy with the service there, just that prices were a bit too steep.

our second stop was much less positive. after the first casual question, the saleslady started talking about price. and there was something in her tone that sounded unfriendly and condescending to me. didn't stay too long there, also because they had nothing which caught my eye, anyway. the third and final store we visited was where i found something i liked. in addition to drawers on the bottom for storage, the bed's headboard is hollow, and there are some side panels too. not to mention it's solid wood construction, not plywood or fibreboard like ikea. settled for a cotton mattress without the latex layer. it seems cooling enough, and with a mattress protector, i think it'll be ok. my new room has air-con anyway, so not much worry actually. the saleslady was very good, too. not as polished as the first shop, but definitely equally honest and sincere, if not more so. ended up getting that bed, after receiving affirmation from the date as well. you may be wondering, what does the date have to do with any of this? well, the bed is not 100% for me any more...in case they sleep over or something. that's still a big 'if' for now, but you know...just in case.

having never bought a bed before, i had no idea that a bed of this quality had a long lead time. the lady told me that it was a month, which could be expedited to 3 weeks. going by the calendar of events, i'll be bedless for about a week to a fortnight. nothing i can't handle. worst case i'll move a judo mat in as a temporary measure. i'm actually quite looking forward to the new bed. will have to take better care of it.

since we had time to spare, we then went to yew tee for the date to pick up some cards. they bought 10 booster packs, and we went through the contents afterward. had a decent mix of cards, some good, some normal. i was lucky in that 4 out of 5 packs i opened had double-rare cards. the dare mostly got regular rares, and one with 4X rare. i guess it balances out? regardless, that's less important. seeing the date happy was my reward for the trip.

doing so much in a day gives me this odd sense of accomplishment. like, everything went well, no major hiccups (no hiccups at all, actually). i'm content. plus, the date's mother made her famous lemongrass drink, and i was given a bottle to take home! so happy. only slight thing bugging me now is the funeral downstairs. here's another sign of how rich they are - they hired live entertainment! there was a duo singing hokkien songs with the volume turned up all the way. imagine this - i was overwhelmed while waiting for the lift. after going up five storeys, the music sounded like it was just coming out of my computer speaker! thankfully, they had the decency to quiet down as the night wore on. one thing that they didn't have to decency to do, however, was obey the 'no smoking' rule. i can smell the smoke all the way up here! hoping it'll dissipate by tonight.

Very very rarely, there will be nights/early mornings where i wake up and can't get back to sleep. from the time of this post, i guess you'll know that this is one of those times. been awake since like 4:50am, and despite the nice cool weather, no amount of tossing, turning, or sheep counting would get me sleeping again. i suppose it's for the better actually, since i've got a pretty much full day ahead.

moving house is finally happening! phase 1 of the move will be happening later this morning, when most of the stuff that's already been packed will be shipped over to sengkang. i've got about 3 or 4 boxes of stuff this time, and that accounts for about 2/3 of the stuff that i'll be bringing over. the remaining third are things that i'll still be using (computer and clothes, mainly), as well as things that i haven't sorted through yet. that should be settled next saturday i think. going to use the chance to throw lots of stuff away. i realize that i tend to keep things "in case of emergency". but then, the emergency which i had in mind either never occurs, or occurs so rarely that the item is spoilt by the time i really need it. perhaps i should limit my packing space, to like 2 boxes or something. might help me make those tough decisions.

i'm also happy to report that the bed issue reached a satisfactory resolution, with the bed going to my aunt's place. that means that i'll have to go bed shopping. so far, i've done some reading online, and went to check out the seahorse shop at junction 8. while the shop did have the type and size of bed that i was looking for, i didn't have full confidence in its structural integrity (especially whether the bed could support 2 people), and the finishing of the wood clashed with basically the entire concept of the room. so, i'll pass on that. the date recommended big box and IMM, so i think i'll drop by those places soon. maybe even as soon as later today. other alternatives include novena furniture mall, courts, and ikea. trying to avoid ikea, though...the furniture there is practical and (sometimes) stylish, but at the same time...it feels a little overly practical and general. for instance, the computer table which i'm currently using has adjustable shelves, and various holes for the pegs to fit. some of those holes have been taken over by some type of insect, which is building a nest inside. quite gross. i definitely don't want the same thing to happen to my bed, especially when i'm spending a daily average of 6-7 hours there.

brief sidetrack: there's been a funeral wake going on under my block for a few days now. it's not an uncommon sight, but the reason i'm taking the time to mention this particular funeral is because of its epic proportions. my block is built in a "C" shape, and there are 4 sections of void deck, 2 big, 2 small and unusable for this sort of thing. a "normal-sized" wake takes up one big section. this wake occupies both big sections, as well as a section from the neighbouring block. the wreaths are numerous enough to line the walkway/corridor, and the banners and blankets are overflowing. get this - they hung a banner up across 2 blocks. it's about 2 storeys tall and 10 metres wide, give or take a bit for parallax error. they even have waiters to serve the guests! in all my years of staying here...no wait. in all my life, this is probably the biggest funeral i've seen for someone who isn't a well-known figure. makes me wonder a bit...why? a part of me is tempted to say that either the deceased or their relatives have underworld connections, but it's just my overactive imagination. the more likely reason is that the family is rich...although if so, why hold it at a HDB void deck? again, this is just my imagination speaking. maybe they family has to put on appearances, or maybe the living relatives want to compensate for treating the deceased badly? think i watched too many TV dramas in the past. the most likely reason could be that the kids are filial and spared no expense. whatever the reason actually is, it's none of my business, of course. just that it's fun to exercise the mind and imagination now and then. yes, it might be kind of disrespectful to the deceased, but i figure that since i don't know anyone there, didn't reveal any identifying details for anybody, and (mostly) kept my opinion to myself, there's no harm.

since i've got some time to spare, i guess i'll just vent a little about driving. it's been on my mind for a while, after all. i seriously wonder how some people got their driving licenses. since i started driving regularly close to 3 years ago, i've encountered all sorts of morons on the road. thanks to the date's influence, and a small polar bear stuffed toy in the car, i tend to get less angry these days, "less" referring to both magnitude and frequency. still, some things do irk me. drivers going slow on the rightmost lane, for one. look - i'm not saying that people can't drive slowly. it's well within their right. but the law says that slow vehicles are to keep to the left, otherwise it's road-hogging. i interpret "slow vehicles" to mean vehicles that are travelling slowly, not just those with a low speed limit. even then, i'm fine if they filter when they notice me approaching. i'm even fine if they filter after i high-beam. what gets me is that if they remain oblivious, or worse, start behaving like idiots and playing with their brakes. if i can't stand it, i'll usually overtake and flip them off, which does wonders for my soul. the other usual pet peeves of people not signalling, straddling two lanes, and various other moronic behaviour still apply. and more than once, i've seen drivers talking on their phones, with and without headsets, or fiddling with their radios. forgive me if i'm wrong, but isn't driving supposed to be about enjoying the experience of driving? granted, it's hard to enjoy the feeling and scenery if you're rushing for time, or in an emergency. then again, if you really were in those situations, messing with the radio and driving slowly would be the last thing on your mind, right? will never understand. if the traffic police had a civillian officer thing, i'd definitely sign up. would love to put some of these idiots in their place.

elsewhere, this week hasn't been all that productive. although i've written most of the text for my QE report, i estimate that i'm only about 60% done. still have to finish the figures, reference and citations, supporting information, and powerpoint. ok, maybe not even 60%. regardless, my internal deadline is to send the report draft (with references and figures, no supporting info) to my professor by this coming wednesday. then i'll work on the supporting information on thursday and friday, and collate the necessary data. powerpoint will come the week after that, and by the time i'm finished, my professor will be back in singapore. i think it'll be ok. the slightly worrying thing is my results. they seem to not bode well for the future of this project. regardless, i'll have a talk with my professor so that we can set a direction for the current research, and make contingencies.

ok...today's going to be packed. my lab friend is having his wedding lunch today, and i've been invited. got to get a haircut and squeeze in a gym workout before that. thank goodness the gym and hotel are literally 5 minutes' walk apart. going to EC house at thomson plaza to cut my hair. they open at 9:30am on saturdays, which is a blessing. the one at bishan opens at 10:00am, while some other branches go as late as 10:30am. parking fee aside, thomson plaza is pretty convenient, as i can go withdraw money for the red packet too. with luck, i might be able to squeeze everything into the 15-minute grace period, but i won't be too ambitious.

did some reading up on giving red packets at a wedding. in particular, i read a blog post which stated that a red packet should be a symbol of blessing to the couple, and not viewed as paying for your meal. the writer also adopted a rather hard-line view, saying that she (i think the writer was female) would only give as much as she valued the relationship, and that she'd turn down invitations from people who don't otherwise keep in contact. though my views are more moderate, i do tend to agree with her. case in point, two of my JC classmates are getting married to each other today as well. they invited most of the class, i think. some people are going, and that's fine. even if i didn't already have this wedding to attend, i probably wouldn't go either. you see, we graduated from JC almost 10 years ago (it'll be 10 years this december). in that time, i have met up with the bride and/or groom only...thrice, maximum. i don't consider myself close to either of them. this is compared to some of my other JC friends, where we meet at least once or twice a year. to me, it comes across as them trying to make up the numbers. of course, this is a rather cynical (and perhaps unfair) view. they could be trying to use the occasion to get everyone back together again, and want us to share their special day. oh don't get me wrong, i'm willing to bet that they do want to share the joy. at the same time, i'm also sure that a part of it is for practical reasons, ie. making up the numbers for more "revenue".

for the other part about how much money to give, i do agree with that other writer, who says give as much as you feel like. at the same time, i do acknowledge that there is a bit of a cost-covering element involved. wouldn't call it an obligation, but if i'm close enough to the couple and on good enough terms, and if it's within my means, why not? in fact, although i'm not invited for one of my chemistry friend's wedding later in the year (it's in japan, that's why), i will still give him a small red packet as a symbolic gesture. i just don't believe in the whole "market rate" thing, whereby you take the price of a table and divide it by number of people per table to get the minimum amount that you should give. it's way too mercenary for my liking. after all, i think that in the absolute (but very unlikely) worst case, the couple should be able to bear the cost of the wedding even when zero red packets are received. ok, it may be a bit extreme. but you get the idea.

right then. i should get started on my day. reminders to self: shave, bring a set of formal clothes and shoes for the wedding, and a set of less-formal clothes for the date. also, pick up the sweets from school. this means i need my ID.

-random thought of the day: Busy busy!-

Got back not too long ago after celebrating the date's mother's birthday. we had a nice simple (not to mention really early) dinner at holland village. had wanted to go somewhere a little more upscale, or even cook dinner myself, but the date said that holland v would be fine. the original plan was to have char grill bar, which is the name of the western stall in the coffee shop. in the end, the mother and i settled on porridge, while the date went for pineapple rice. was pretty good, though i felt it was a tiny bit pricey ($6 for a single claypot of porridge, while the pineapple rice cost $10). well...it is holland v, plus it's a birthday celebration. no point counting every last dollar, right? we then went back to their place for dessert, in the form of some nyonya kueh. the mother somehow heard from the date that i was partial to such things, and made 9-layer kueh for me last week. this week, it's one that i like as well, but don't know the name. it's 2 layers; glutinous rice on the bottom with a layer of green pandan? flavoured jelly/custard on the top. i'm not describing it well, i know. it's solid enough to hold its shape and to be cut, so it's not fluid like a custard. at the same time, it's not brittle and wobbly like jelly. maybe pudding might come close. after dessert, the date and i had a quiet night playing co-op final fantasy explorers, and i watched then play pokemon a bit before we had a short nap and i went back. i quite like dates like this, that don't involve a very busy itinerary and which are easygoing on the wallet. but can't do it too often, either. while i'm ok with it, i can very easily see that the date would get bored if it happened too often. i think once in 1 to 2 months is a decent enough frequency for now. perhaps it'll go up a bit when things get more serious.

a couple of things stand out this past week. first involves the new house. my dad went to get a bed for my room. problem is (1) he didn't check with me, and (2) i have issues with his choice of style and colour. colour is not a minor point, but let me elaborate a bit on style. i had planned for a bed whose bottom could be used as storage space. i was thinking drawers, because i planned to store my clothes in there, and would thus require frequent access. to his credit, my dad did get one with storage space, but in order to access it, the mattress has to be lifted, with the hinges at the short side. acceptable if you're going to lift the bed up once in a while, but certainly not for everyday use. plus, the bed can't clear the wall shelf that's installed just above it. seriously, what is it with people making decisions for me? like the air freshener incident, he's overlooked the same thing again - that i have to live with the consequences of his actions. sure, maybe it's good material, good quality, and i'm sure that functionally, it is a very good bed. but it isn't practical for my intended use, which makes it non-ideal. i don't care how much money is wasted, or how much effort it took. the simple fact remained that if i was asked for my opinion, none of this hassle would have occurred. and of course you may say i'm being ungrateful or whatever. perhaps. let me also remind you that it's supposed to be my room, and i'm supposed to have full control of the design, furnishings, colour, every little detail. it's different if i ask them to make the decision for me...i'd accept whatever they chose. but as you can see, i knew that we had different things in mind, which is why i insisted on seeing everything myself and having my own input. and as this incident proves, i was right to do so.

so, how will this incident be settled? my dad has said that he'll see if the bed can be modified. but if i know anything about the way disagreements are dealt with around here, he'll sweep it under the carpet and hope that i forget or grow to accept the current situation. that's not going to happen this time. even if it comes down to me moving the bed out myself, or in a more extreme situation, demolishing the bed so that it fits through the door, i'll do it. it really makes me wonder sometimes, about the concept of family. you may have guessed that i'm not the biggest believer in it. i choose to believe that family does not necessarily mean people who are related to you by blood...but that's for another post.

the second thing is oddly related to the first issue. my old secondary school coach just got in touch, and we had dinner on thursday. that was followed by a quick trip to see his new place. he's in the process of moving into a condo in the changi region, near the japanese school. it's actually pretty close to the sengkang house. the interesting thing about the condo is that it's sports-themed, with a nice pool, jogging track, small gym, multi-purpose hall, and even a rock-climbing wall. he did say that i could drop by to use the facilities whenever, which is nice. on top of that, he did say that i would be welcome to "rent" the second room. "rent" is in quotes because it's not a strict landlord-tenant arrangement, in that he wouldn't be collecting rent payments from me. instead, he said that we could work something out, like i pay for utilities, which is still far far cheaper than the market rate for renting a room. on top of that, with changes to his work timing and all that, he did say that we could even work out a plan to share his car. that isn't necessary right now, since my car still has about 10 months before the COE goes. it sounds ridiculously attractive. plus, with the current disagreements i'm having with the people i'm living with, it seems like a great plan. both push and pull factors are there! although there is one super big deterrent - he smokes, and heavily, at that. my sinuses would never tolerate it, not to mention all the negative effects of second-hand smoke. and don't even get me started on all the tiny particulate matter (ash, mainly) in the air. it's so unfortunate that just one particular negative point can be a deal-breaker here. if the smoking thing didn't exist, i'd have said yes the moment he offered. oh well.

talking to him, and finding out how much housing costs in singapore, really makes me wonder how anyone can afford a house. HDBs go for 6 figures minimum. let's say i want to buy a house that costs about $300 000. naturally, i'd have to take a bank loan because i'm not rich. assume i'll earn $4000 a month by that time, and about half of that goes to servicing the loan. not even counting interest, i'd take 150 months to pay that off, or 12 years and 6 months. well, ok...that's rather simplistic. i'm not even accounting for the CPF part...mainly because i don't know how it works. i figure i still have some time to think about it.

would like to blog more, but i should be heading to sleep. have an earlier-than-usual sunday tomorrow, as i'm going down to SJC to put our plan into action.

-random thought of the day: I have a mini-cat on my 2DS!-

Really can't remember when was the last time i stayed this late in lab. must have been months, at least. i'd avoid it if i could, but my minion (aka. UROPS student) has a time-point experiment running, and i can't leave him alone in good conscience...or without violating a few safety regulations. so, here i am. admittedly, i have a few small tasks to do in lab as well, but they are totally not urgent at all.

you know, i've been so used to research stagnating or going slowly, that i'm a little afraid of taking the next step. this was especially the case while i was in my old lab, where although i had some minor synthetic breakthroughs, there was basically nothing to show for my 3 semesters of grad study there. at present, my next step is the qualifying exam presentation, which is set for end-july. i know who both of my examiners are, and according to the rest of my friends who are still in NUS, i've caught a break with these two professors. one of them was a lecturer for one of my undergrad modules, so we're somewhat acquainted. the other one seems pretty nice, so that's a relief too. nevertheless, it still is rather nerve-wracking. most of my friends have passed their QEs already, and i'm technically behind. i should be looking to get this over with ASAP, since it'll be a milestone in the course, plus i get a pay raise. my professor thinks that my current research data should be enough to cross this hurdle, and i'll place my faith in him. my most immediate concern is writing the QE report (about 30 pages) and preparing the powerpoint slides. considering that i have almost all the data i need, and almost 2 full months from now to do it, i don't foresee too many issues. the only thing is that my professor will be overseas for a month starting next week, so there'll be some reduced communication. regardless, i think he'll come through if/when i need him.

moving house has been in the works for so long, it feels like it'll never happen. what was supposed to happen in december got pushed to march, then june. my latest info is that the contractor is doing up the new house. i've been there, met with them, and made some decisions regarding the style and layout of what is to be my room. the process was smooth in general, with a few very slight hiccups that were resolved easily. i wonder when the actual move will be. hoping that it's by this month. i don't want to have it hanging over my head as the date for QE draws closer.

had a dinner date yesterday, after which the date and i went to shop for a new wallet. they got one, and wanted to get me one too, but i chose to stick with the one i'm currently using, which was a gift from them also anyway. after getting the wallet, something happened, and i thought it was quite amazing. won't say what it was here in the interest of protecting the date's privacy, but it really gave me hope that this relationship is going somewhere. it's a step in the right direction, i guess...and i'm really really happy that it happened.

was supposed to be a bit more philosophical this post, but i don't think that'll happen today. got caught up supervising minion and preparing evidence for another case in a couple of weeks. so i guess i'll end off by saying that things are great, i'm happy, and i hope this upward trend continues forever...but realistically, for the next 3 months, at least.

-random thought of the day: Liberating to be away from MMOs.-

It's been slightly more than a month since the previous post, but thankfully it's still may, so i'm covered in terms of calendar month. my record for not missing a single calendar month from the start of this blog still stands. a few logical inferences for the long period of silence would be that i have nothing to say, don't have the time to say things, and/or can't be bothered any more. it's mostly reason #2. but paradoxically, it's not for lack of time. my schedule hasn't been packed recently, but it's been busy enough where i don't have a solid block of time to sit down and blog properly. tonight, i'm staying in lab to supervise my UROPS student, and i'm momentarily stuck for my own experiments...so blogging time.

quite amazing how time slips through our fingers when we don't pay attention. so many things have happened in the past month, i hardly know where to begin. looking at facebook doesn't seem to help much, either. my recent posts mostly consist of food photos taken on dinners with the date. strange; i never used to photograph my food. am pretty neutral to the whole thing, but since the date asked, and since it's not really anything super challenging, why not, right? i just imagine that some of my facebook friends have unfollowed me already. but well...that's fine. i'm never in things for the popularity.

that's a good a starting point as any, i guess...stuff with the date. it's been mostly smooth-sailing, no major bumps in the road during this period that i can remember. i do remember some good stuff, like going over to their place to cook ramen for dinner, enjoying several meals outside, getting a PS vita, and most significantly, celebrating our 6 months of dating a couple of weeks ago. it gives me hope that things will work out eventually. the date is still hesitant to progress to more couple-y things, like me spending the night (no M18 stuff). it's resulted in me having to drive back at odd hours of the night more than once, but it's something that i can handle. just hope that this upward trend continues.

counselling has been going really well. the counsellor said that i am fairly normal, and that there was nothing wrong with me. i just have to work on managing my expectations, and managing my feelings when these expectations aren't met. she decided to end our counselling sessions. think i went for about 4 of them? the reassuring thing is that she said that i could come back and see her again if i wasn't feeling too good. while i hope i won't have to take up that offer, knowing about its existence helps, i guess.

for research, progress has been kind of slow, but i'm getting results. they don't always match my predictions, but hey, that's science. i just hope that i haven't been chasing wild geese, because after looking at the data so far, i am actually a bit worried that my molecule won't be able to work as intended. but well, no point supposing and presuming. more importantly, my QE examiners have been decided upon, and the date (sometime in july) draws ever closer. my professor says that i should be able to pass with the current data,and i'll take his word for it.

aside from all these goings-on, i do have some thoughts and some complaints. but right now, it's getting late. guess i should head back.

-random thought of the day: Sorry for the delay in posts!-